Episode Guide

Sealed With a Kick
Pilot Episode
Written by Sam Johnson and Chris Marcil

(opening music)

(at school)

(Daria and Kevin are seated at the same table; as Daria is writing, her pencil breaks)

Daria - Hey, Kevin? Can I borrow your pencil?

Kevin - Sure.

Daria - (grabs pencil) Thanks.

(in the hallway)

(Daria and Jane are walking down the hallway)

Kevin - Hey, Daria, wait up.

Daria - Oh, yeah. Sorry, Kevin. (hands pencil back)

Kevin - I know what you're after, but it won't work.

Daria - I don't want the pencil. I just forgot to give it back.

Kevin - Let's not play games, Daria. You desire me, don't you?

Daria - Uh, excuse me?

Kevin - I can tell. It's like a fifth sense I got. But unfortunately or whatever, I already got a chick. But we can still be friends or whatever.

Daria - Thanks, Kevin. That helps.

Kevin - Great! Can I borrow your science homework?

(Daria hands him her homework)

Kevin - Hey, thanks a lot. Sorry if you were hurt. (leaves)

Daria - I just got blown off by a guy I didn't even go after.

Jane - You should find a safe, legal alternative to killing him.

Daria - I already have. When I get through with him, there'll be nothing left but jelly.

Jane - Well, you won't have to do anything to his brain.

(at Kevin's house)

(Kevin can be seen through the window, lifting weights, as Daria walks up to the front door)

Daria (V.O.) - Nothing left but jelly...

(Daria rings doorbell; Kevin opens door)

Daria - I baked these cookies for you! (holds out a tray of cookies) They're shaped like hearts!

Kevin - Uh... but...

Daria - You don't have to use words around me, Kevin. You don't need them. This is just to say, "No hard feelings." Bye! (leaves)

(at Pizza King)

(Kevin and Brittany are seated in a booth)

Kevin - And then Scully, he grabs the kid and gives him a tenth degree wedgie.

Brittany - (giggles) He's funny.

Daria - Hi, Kevin!

Kevin - Uh, hi, Daria.

Brittany - Who's she?

Daria - I'm Kevin's good friend. Which do you like better, the beach or the mountains?

Kevin - Uh... I guess the beach. Because of, like, the bikinis.

Daria - Me, too. Just checking. Oh, and here's some extra homework of mine you can use. See you later... friend. (leaves)

Brittany - Oooh! Manipulator! (dumps drink on Kevin's head) Pinhead! Weasel!

Kevin - Hey, hey, slow down! What was the first one you said?

(in the hallway)

(Kevin opens his locker and sees flowers and a love note from Daria)

Kevin - Really...

(in shop class)

(Daria is cutting wood as Kevin walks into the classroom)

Kevin - (shouts) Hey, Daria! Me and Brittany decided to see other people! So, since you're sorta next on the list or whatever...

Daria - (shouts) What?

Kevin - (shouts) I said, I was wondering if you and me could get together?

Daria - Mmm, I don't think so, Kevin. It might ruin our friendship. (leaves with Jane)

Girl - Geek.

Kevin - Hey, it's cool. We're good friends.

(at Daria's house)

(the Morgendorffers are seated around the dinner table)

Helen - Quinn, there were four calls on the machine from Kevin.

Jake - Doesn't he have your beeper number?

Quinn - They aren't for me. They're for Daria.

Helen - Daria?

Jake - Do you need a beeper, Daria?

Helen - Do you want to talk to us about anything, honey?

(doorbell rings)

Daria - I was just about to open up, too. (leaves)

Helen - You think she meant it?

(at the front door)

Kevin - I'm not giving up, Daria. I know there's a chemistry or whatever.

Daria - I hate to say this, Kevin...

(Quinn peeks around the doorframe)

Quinn - Kevin?

Kevin - Quinn? What are you doing here?

Quinn - I live here. You're not here to see my sister, are you?

Kevin - Whoa! You're sisters with a brain?

Quinn - I know! Doesn't it suck?

Kevin - Really. Well, you want to go for a ride or something?

Quinn - Let me get my stuff. (leaves)

Kevin - So anyways, you're probably right about us being friends and stuff, because we care about each others feelings and whatnot.

Daria - Yeah, and I care even more about your feelings than my own.

Kevin - Really? (beat) Man, I never would have thought you'd be sisters with someone hot.

(at Pizza King)

Jane - I don't understand why you're not trying to get revenge.

Daria - I'm letting Quinn take care of that.

(in Kevin's car)

(Quinn's pager beeps)

Kevin (V.O.) - Dammit! How many times is that thing gonna go off?

Quinn (V.O.) - I'm beginning to think you don't like being with someone attractive and popular!

Kevin (V.O.) - Sorry.

Quinn (V.O.) - That's better. Now, get me to a pay phone.

(Kevin starts car)

(closing music)