Y 2 Day?
12/19/99
by Queen Jossie
iamthequeen@chickmail.com

Part 1: Trying to get away from the leftover Fruitcake and her family, Daria
has an adventure to the hospital with the Lanes while contemplating her New
Year's plans. Of course, nothing is as planned, and when Daria returns before
the New Year, she is faced with more than she expected.

Usual Daria beginning, only the words "Y 2 Day" are in black Daria script.

INT. Jane's bedroom.

Jane is standing at her easel painting while Daria is writing in her notepad.
It's mid-afternoon in late December, days after Christmas. Jane is sporting a
very artsy black hat and a new pair of boots: black vinyl. Daria is wearing
her usual garb with the addition of a pendant consisting of a golden chain and
a charm with a picture of a graduation cap on one side and Y2K written on the
other with the words "Leaders of The New Millenium" written in script around
the edge.

Jane takes one stroke on her canvas and cries in terror, causing Daria to jump
up from the bed.

Jane: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Daria: (jumping up) What? What?

Jane: (painfully) I painted the wrong color.

Daria: Oh. (sits down) Okay.

Jane: What's with you? I've never seen you so freaked out before.

Daria: Nothing's wrong. I'm just waiting.

Jane: Waiting? For what?

Daria: For my house to catch fire from all the Christmas lights Dad hung up
this year.

Jane: You mean Jake actually got them to work?

Daria: Amazing, huh.

Jane: Yeah, I'd expect him to have blown too many fuses for that to happen.

Daria: Oh, he blew fuses all right. Human and electrical.

Jane: I guess it's to be expected, though.

Suddenly a loud guitar riff shakes the house violently. Jane grabs her easel
for support while Daria falls off of the bed and into a glob of paint.

Daria: (whispering, looking at her painted sleeve) Thanks, Trent.

Jane: Oh, did I tell you Trent got a new amp?

Daria: (standing up) No, you didn't. I take it he was trying it out?

Jane: You got it.

Trent: (poking head in doorway) You okay, Janey? Didn't mean to shake the
house. (sees Daria) Oh, hey Daria.

Daria: Hey.

Jane: Trent, thanks to you, Daria got paint on her sleeve.

Trent: (stepping in) Wouldn't it actually be your fault for leaving the paint
on the floor?

Jane: But you played the chord.

Daria: It's okay, guys. I'll just go wash it off. (leaves room)

Trent: (nonchalantly) So, what're we doing for the New Year?

Jane: You mean Mystik Spiral doesn't have a gig?

Trent: Nah. Nick wants to see his kid, Max and Jesse are road tripping home.
That leaves me by my lonesome.

Jane: Aww, poor Trent. Hey, maybe (raises eyebrows) Daria could come over.

Trent: Janey, is something wrong with your eyes?

Jane: (bummed) No.

Trent: Anyways, Daria is YOUR friend.

Jane: Hey, any friend of mine is a friend of yours.

Trent: Isn't Daria your only friend.

Jane: Don't push it.

Daria: (walking in) Um, did you guys know that there was a nest of racoons in
the bathroom sink. They tried to attack me so I couldn't wash my sleeve.

Jane: What, did they corner you onto the toilet?

Daria: (blushes beet red) Um, yeah.

Trent: Never fear, I'll get them. (walks out of room)

Jane and Daria look at each other amused. A few seconds later...

Trent: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! It's coming after me with my razor!!

INT. Morgendorffer Kitchen

The family is gathered around for an actual meal: Leftover ham, mashed
potatoes, peas, and fruitcake. There seems to be a bright glow flowing in from
the windows. Obviously Jake hasn't taken down the lights yet.

Helen: So, how did you girls spend your day off?

Quinn: (ready to tell all) Well, first off, I completely missed out on the
sale at Cashman's because SOMEBODY (looks to Daria) didn't give me a ride. By
the time I got a hold of Sandy she had already gotten back. Then Joey, Jeffy,
and Jimmy didn't call all day. I didn't have a date tonight...

Helen: (exasperated) Daria, how was your day?

Daria: Fine. I went to Jane's, fell in a glob of paint, and witnessed what
happens when her brother Trent tries out a new guitar amp.

Helen: That sounds interesting. (cell phone rings) (sweetly) Helen
Morgendorffer speaking. Yes Eric, I know the new year is coming up...well
actually I had plans...yes, I said "PLANS"...can't you find someone else to
fill in...Eric, I haven't taken a vacation in almost 2 years, you tell me to
take a vaca or it will be taken away, and when I decide to take one, you tell
me no? (angrily) What the hell kind of operation is this company running here.
I'm taking the damn vacation and that's the end of it! (sweetly) Happy
Holidays! (hangs up, evilly) Idiot.

Jake, Quinn, and Daria stare at Helen in awe. They've never seen her actually
want a vacation before.

Helen: (still upset) What are you looking at?

The three go back to their meals.

Jake: So, do you girls have any plans for the big night?

Daria: Well...

Quinn: (cutting Daria off) Actually, I was going to this big party at
Brittany's, but to do so I need a new killer outfit, and since I missed the
sale at Cashmans, I'll need some money to pay for a full priced ensemble.

Jake: (getting wallet) Sure, honey...

Helen: Jake! Put away your wallet. (Jake frowns) Quinn, you have plenty of
money from Christmas. Why don't you use that?

Quinn: Muh-om! I can't possibly use that money. It's for my neck portfolio.

Helen: That is just too bad, Quinn. Use your own money or don't get an outfit
at all.

Quinn: AAAAAHHHH!!! (runs from room crying)

Daria: As I was saying...

Jake: (upset from being taken down a notch) Daria, if Quinn can't have any
money, what makes you think you can?

Daria: I didn't even...

Helen: Jake, she didn't even say anything about money. Why don't you let her
talk.

Jake: (yelling) What do you.....oh. (sheepishly) Sorry honey.

Daria: (pats Jake's hand) It's okay dad. (reverts to normality) I was thinking
of having Jane over. Either that or going over to her house.

Helen: Why don't you go to Jane's house? This way your father and I can take
down all the Christmas stuff without bugging you girls.

Jake: But I thought...(Helen shoots Jake a look)...nevermind.

Daria: I'm guessing you have plans yourself, but since that would mean
excessive mother-daughter interaction, I'll leave the subject where it is now.
(Gets up) I'm gonna call Jane...upstairs. (leaves room)

Jake: I thought we were taking down Christmas ornaments tomorrow.

Helen: We are. I have a special evening planned. Remember when the girls went
to see that concert?

Jake: (thinks, taps head) Concert? (realizes) Oh...CONCERT. Good idea, honey.
(winks)

EXT. Daria's room.

Daria's door is cracked open enough to see inside. She is sitting on the bed
with the phone. She dials and hears a voice on the other end of the phone. She
immediately turns beet red.

Daria: (blushing) Um, hi Trent.

Trent: (phone v.o.) Hey Daria. What's up?

Daria: I was wondering if Jane was in from her run yet.

Shot of Trent in the kitchen on the phone, boiling water.

Trent: Actually she should be home pretty soon. If you want to come over I'll
let you in.

Daria: (phone v.o.) That's okay. I was just wondering about her plans for New
Years.

Trent: Well, so far (switch back to Daria's pov) nothing is going on. The band
doesn't have a gig and we've got no where to go. Were you planning on coming
over?

Daria: I think my parents are trying to get rid of us. They seemed to be
planning something other than taking down Christmas decorations, and what that
would be I don't care to find out.

Trent: (phone v.o.) Why not? It's just how you were conceived.

Close up of Daria's face in utter horror from hearing these words.

Daria: (slowly) Trent, that is THE most DISGUSTING thing you could say.

Trent: (p.v.o., laugh, cough) Sorry Daria. Hope you don't think of that all
night.

Daria: If I do, you'll know by morning. Okay, I'll be over later. Bye, Trent.

Back to Trent

Trent: Later. (hangs up phone)

Jane: (walking in) Trent, why do you say such disgusting things?

Trent: It's not disgusting, Janey. It's life. Look around you, it's even in
this room.

Jane: (looks around, sees nothing) Trent, next time you get a hold of (finger
quote) "mind enhancing" drugs, tell me so I know to avoid you.

Trent: I think it was the fruitcake.

Jane: (serious) What fruitcake?

Trent points to the fridge knowingly. Jane turns around and opens the door.

INT. Lane Refridgerator

A brick shaped mass of multi-colored fuzz sits on a plate. Jane pokes it with
her finger and it seems to move towards her. Quickly she shuts the door as the
screen goes black.

Jane: (ear piercing) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Commercial Bumper: Trent's music shaking house and girls.


Commercial Break

TV Anncr: On the next Tom Green Show... Tom visits the land of animation at
MTV Studios.

Shot of Tom standing behind an anonymous cell painter with a paintbrush loaded
with bright orange paint.

Tom: So it'd be okay if I painted these cells for Daria? (paints a giant glob
on Tiffany cell's hair.

TV Anncr: And watch 5 minutes of Daria animation that Tom and Glenn painted.

Shot of Daria walking down LHS corridor with multi-colored clothes...etc..

Daria: Tom, you'll die for this. I'll get Matrix on you.

TV Anncr: All that and more on the next Tom Green Show...Thursday night at
10:30, only on the Ten Spot.

Back to the show

EXT. Lane House

Trent is being carried off on a stretcher and into an ambulance.

CUT TO INT. Hospital room

A young, familiar looking doctor is writing in his clipboard. Jane sits beside
the bed while Trent lays in bed. The doctor puts the pen in his jacket pocket
and looks to the two of them.

Dr. Phillips: Well, be lucky that Jane brought you in so soon. The fruitcake
had to be at least 10 years old by our tests, and to have that be digested
completely would make you a pretty sick guy.

Jane: That explains what you said about...(shudders)...nevermind. Will he be
back to normal pretty soon?

Dr. Phillips: He should be, but we'll keep him here overnight for observation.
You should be out of her by 2p.m. tomorrow.

Trent: Twenty-four hours without my guitar? NO way. (Starts to get up) I need
music...(falls dizzily back into bed)

Dr. Phillips: That's another thing. You'll be dizzy for a while now, so just
catch up on your sleep.

Jane: As if that's possible.

Dr. Phillips: I'll check in later.

Dr. Phillips leaves the room and shuts the door.

Jane: So, you want music, huh?

Trent: Please, Janey?

Jane: (standing up) I choose to accept the mission. I'll get the gilded guitar
here in (checks watch) half and hour.

Trent: (whiney) HALF AN HOUR?  AAWWWWWWWW...

Jane: (heads for door) I'll be back.

CUT TO

Hospital hallway. Jane sees a nearby phone booth and walks to it. After
popping a few coins in the slot, she dials the Morgendorffers.

CUT TO

INT Daria's room.

Daria is at her desk typing a short story when the phone rings in the hallway.

Quinn: (o.s.) Hello? (quickly) Yeah sure. (yells) DAAAA-RRREEEEEAAAA?
TELLLLLEEEPPHHOOOONNEE!

Daria: (walks to her open door) I'm right here, "Lungs" Morgendorffer.

Quinn hands the phone to her sister and runs off in a huff.

Daria: Hello?

Jane: (p.v.o.) So did the fat lady sing?

Daria: She's not fat, she's "toned."

Jane: (p.v.o.) Whatever. Hey, do me a favor?

Cut to Jane at the phone.

Daria: (p.v.o.) What?

Jane: Run over to Casa Lane and bring Trent's guitar to the hospital.

Daria: (p.v.o. surprised) Trent's in the hospital?

Jane: Yeah, ate some old fruitcake and started seeing "the colors".

Daria: (p.v.o.) Oh, I get it. Explains what he said to me. (sighs) Yeah, I
guess I can bring it over. I'll have to see if I can steal the car though.

Jane: Okay. See you in a few.

Daria hangs up the phone and saves the story on her computer.

INT. Living Room

Daria creeps down the stairs to the living room where Jake and Helen are seen
in a deep discussion. They both seem unusually romantic, which makes Daria
repulsed. She cautiously walks up to the couple.

Daria: (hesitant) Um, Mom?

Helen: (sweetly) Yes sweetie?

Daria: Jane had an emergency. Can I use the car to go to the hospital?

Jake: (holds up his keys) Go ahead kiddo. Don't rush back.

Daria: (takes keys, revolted) Okay, bye.

Daria walks out the door with a quickness and shuts the door quickly. She runs
for the family sedan and swiftly locks the car doors. After sighing a breath
of relief, she starts the car.

INT. Trent's Room

The room looks like the usual mess it is. After dodging a few empty boxes of
pizza and stacks of CD's, Daria finds the guitar in the bed of all places. She
hesitantly lifts the covers and grabs it, careful not to disturb anything. She
turns to leave the room, then walks back to the bed. Running her hand across
the mattress, her heart races.

Daria: (quietly) Come on Daria, don't even think it.

Calmly she walks out of the room and out of the house.

INT. Trent's Hospital Room

Trent is being restrained by extra nurses. The absence of music seems to be
messing with his mind. Jane sits in the nearby chair watching this calmly.
Suddenly there is a knock at the door. A nurse walks to the door and opens it.
Daria is standing, bewildered, holding the guitar. Seeing Trent being
restrained, she passes out. Screen blacks out.

Dr. Phillips: (o.s.) I think she'll be okay.

Nurse 1: (o.s.) I've never seen someone go so quickly.

Nurse 2: (o.s.) Guess she's not used to seeing people being restrained.

Jane: (o.s.) Is she gonna be alright?

Dr. Phillips: (o.s.) She'll be fine. Look, she's coming to.

Screen fades to normal. Shot of ceiling in background. Two nurses, Dr.
Phillips, and Jane are hovered around Daria.

Daria: (out of it) What happened?

Dr. Phillips: You fainted. Luckily your head didn't hit the ground, or you
surely would be suffering from a concussion.

Jane: Is it okay for you guys to leave. Too many people around make
me...disgruntled.

Dr. Phillips: (catching on) Right. Call us if you need us. (The three retreat)

Jane: Now remember when you and Trent marry, you don't like seeing him
restrained.

Daria: (unenthusiastic) Ha ha ha. (serious) Is Trent okay?

Jane: He's fine. Now that he has his guitar, he's sleeping like a baby.

Shot of Trent smiling in his sleep, cuddling with the guitar. Occasionally
he'll strum a chord or two, then drift back to sleep.

Jane: You're a regular godsend.

Daria: Thanks. I'm glad you called. Mom and Dad were being...(shudders)

Jane: I understand. Hey, Trent won't wake up for at least another couple of
hours, wanna get a pizza?

Daria: (sitting up) Yeah. This hospital freaks me out.

Fast Forward: 3 hours

Trent is strumming his guitar and writing at the same time. The door opens and
Jane and Daria sneak in. Jane keeps a package next to her at all times.

Daria: (closing the door) All clear.

Jane: Daria and I thought it would be wise to get you a more sufficient type
of nourishment than hospital food, so...(holds out plate of pizza) Voila!

Trent: Thanks. I don't think I can stand any hospital food. It just doesn't
have any taste to it at all.

Daria: I know what you mean.

Jane: (handing him the plate) So...eat!

Trent stares at the pizza and sighs.

Jane: What's the matter?

Trent: I'm full.

Daria: How can you be full?

Jesse: (from behind curtain divider) WE brought him pizza too.

Nick: (following) Actually, 7 boxes.

Max: We snuck them in!

Jane: (under her breath) Like criminales? (normal) What happened to road
tripping home?

Jesse: Still gonna happen. We just gotta round up the money.

Jane: (quietly) So you'll be staying here for the holiday?

Daria: (sniffs air) Eww, I think I'm gonna be sick.

Nick: There's a bathroom behind the curtain. Just make sure you shut the door.

Daria: Well duh. (walks away)

Max: You know, those boxes would make great drums.

Jane: (louder than before) So would your hollow skull.

Everyone looks at her in amazement.

Jane: What? I was on a roll.

Trent: Do you hear something?

There is a knock at the door. Dr. Philips comes in and looks at Trent's
clipboard.

Dr. Philips: Well, we're gonna release you early. Seems that you're improving
quicker that we thought.

Jesse: How can you tell?

Dr. Philips: Judging by the seven boxes of pizza on the ground and the uneaten
plate on his lap, I'd say his stomach feels better.

Trent: So I'm free?

Dr. Philips: After all the paperwork is filled, yes. Go ahead and dress and
come down to the nurses station. Then you can leave. As for the rest of you,
take your pizza boxes and wait outside. (walks out of room)

Jane: You heard the doc. Get out of here! Trent, don't take too long. (they
exit)

Trent looks around the room and locks the door. He then stands up and looks
about, making sure no one else is in the room. Slowly he unties the hospital
gown, and lets it drop to the floor to show his backside stratigically covered
up by a plant.

Daria opens the bathroom door and hears nothing.

Daria: (to herself) Hmm, no one around. (sees curtain and gets an idea) I've
always wanted to do this...

She walks to the curtain and flings it out of her way. Trent turns around to
see who it is. Daria, wide eyed and blushing, is frozen from the sight,
whereas Trent has covered himself partially with the fallen gown.

Daria: (looking down) Oh my God, Trent. I'm so sorry.

Trent: (freaked out) Daria...I forgot you were in here.

Daria: (still looking down) Umm, I'm just gonna leave. (heads for door)

Trent: NO!

Jane: (walking in) Trent, who are you talkin......Whoa! Sorry I interrupted.

Trent: Janey, this isn't what it looks like, right Daria?

Daria: Oh, um, oh my God, I can't believe this is happening.

Commercial Bumper: Clip of Daria touching Trent's bed.

Commercial Break

Older Man: Hello. In case you don't know, I am president and CEO of MTV. I
felt that after all the hate mail I have reiceived recently about my show
choices that I should explain myself.

The real reason why my presiding choices seem so stupid is because my head was
tampered with by Aeon Flux. Yes, Aeon came into my office the other day
and...well, this isn't apropriate for television.

Cameraman: Tell the real story, pops!

Older Man: (offstage) Ohhh, I'll get you. (angry) The real reason is that one
of my very close friends was worried that Downtown may become more powerful
than Daria, and that simply cannot be. Therefore I cancelled the show in its
first season. But since I acted late on his offer, I had to (babyish, finger
quotes) "compensate" for my actions, which included the addition of Head Trip,
moving Daria to a weekly time slot, and showing 4 hours of shows about Britney
Spears...(lowly) sicko pervert.

Cameraman: Wrap it up, buddy. I have to see "Man on The Moon" in 20 minutes.

Older Man: Just wanted you to hear it straight from the horses mouth. (looks
offstage) Hey, I didn't write this...

Cameraman: That's a wrap!

Man's voice: All feelings expressed by this man are not the opinions of the
writer herself, or of MTV. This is purely fictional. So please don't send your
mafia family after me.

Back to the show

INT. Jane's Bedroom

Trent and the band are in the basement practicing. Jane is watching Sick Sad
World, while Daria is on the phone. Both girls are on Jane's bed.

Through reiceiver...

Helen's voice: Thanks for calling 555-6669. Please leave a message after the
beep, unless it is you, Eric. In that case, I should remind you that I am on
vacation. If it is a teacher, I swear Daria was only kidding and Quinn will
have the assignment turned in asap. As for Daria, Quinn, and my little
Jakey-wakey, you know the drill.

Daria: Hello? Will someone pick up?

INT. Morgendorffer Living Room

A complete trash heap. Booze, boys, broken bottles, and lots of drunk
teenagers with loud music. Quinn is just about passed out over the upstairs
banister, and the three J's are beating each other up. Sandi and Tiffany are
insulting each other's fashion sense, whereas Stacy is crying hysterically in
the corner and talking to the houseplant. Kevin and Brittany are walking into
the closet, "Bobby Bighead" is hitting on some girls, Evan is arm wrestling
Ted Dewitt-Clinton on the coffee table. Other anonymous teenagers can be seen
messing around. Faintly Daria's voice can be heard in the background.

Daria: UHHHH! (hangs up) I guess either no one is home or Quinn is partying.

Jane: Couldn't it be both at once?

Daria: Most likely it is.

SSW Announcer: Tonight, on Sick Sad World. This couple has a 5 year age
difference and doesn't care...

Daria: (screams) AAAAAAAHHHH! Turn it OFF!

Jane: Don't you want to see yourself on TV again? Or do you just want to see
Trent in the buff again?

Daria: Death of a Lane, a True Story, on the next Sick Sad World.

Jane: Come on, It's not that bad, is it?

Daria: You all forgot I was in the bathroom. I walked in on a seemingly empty
room and saw your brother nude. You walked in. It's not like the whole
experience was mortifying or anything.

Jane: Cheer up. I bet Trent forgot the whole incident already.

Knock at door.

Trent: (peeking head in) Hey, Janey, can I borrow an empty paint can? Max
needs a new drum. (sees Daria, smiles) Oh, hey Daria. Look, I remembered my
pants this time.

Daria: (trying to hide her blushing) Yeah. I see.

Jane: (handing the paint can over) Knock yourself out, bro.

Trent: Thanks. Later. (door closes)

Daria: Oh yeah. He definitely forgot the whole thing. (flops backwards on bed)

INT. Morgendorffer Living Room

The party is coming to a close. The three J's have now passed out from too
many blows to the head, Tiffany and Sandi are dragging a still crying Stacy
out the door while arguing, and the rest of the teens are staggering out the
door. Somehow, Quinn gathers enough strength to drag the three J's out the
door and into the front lawn. She re-enters the house, disgusted by the mess.
Still drunk, she goes into a rage and knocks down whatever isn't already on
the floor. She looks around the room, hoping to find something, someone to
yell at. Then getting a bright idea, she heads for the closet.

INT. Jane's Room

Daria is now standing up stretching, looking tired. Jane is still watching TV.

Daria: Aww, I should be getting home. Lord knows mom and dad oughta be home by
now. And I bet they aren't in the best spirits, either.

Jane: Fine, desert me. Make me listen to the inaudible ramblings of my
narcoleptic brother. Subject me to the insanity of having to listen to sour
notes and burning amps.

Daria: Sit downstairs and watch Jesse play.

Jane: You know me too well. Later.

Daria: Bye.

INT. Morgendorffer Living Room

Quinn is now in a hyper-rage, holding something behind her back. She looks out
the window and sees Daria pulling up in the family sedan. Quinn swiftly
unlocks the door and stands 6 feet behind it.

Daria: (opening door) What a... QUINN!

Quinn: (slurred) All my life I've been waiting for this moment. All the jokes,
all the harassment. Well it ends here, brain. (lifts up gun(!) with both
hands) I've had enough. (cocks gun) It's time for you just desserts.

Daria: NOOOOOO!!!!

To Be Continued