Which Sis is Which? by Jesty (Opening scene, gloomy day, raining, close up on the Morgendorffer's house) Daria enters the kitchen where Jake (who is reading the mail), Helen and Quinn are seated at the table. Daria: Good morning family. Quinn: Good?!?! what's so good about it? It's Friday the 13th Daria, and it's raining, and my hair is flat. Helen: Jake, have you seen my cellular? Jake: DAMNIT MORE BILLS!!!!! Helen: Jake... Jake: GODDAMN TAXES!!!! Helen: JAKE... (more impatiently) Jake: If that stupid mayor raises the taxes one more time..... Helen: JAAAAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jake: WHAT?!?!?! Helen: Oh nevermind...... (Jake goes back to reading the mail) Helen: Daria, do you think you could help me find my cellular? I cannot function without it, my clients NEED ME! Daria: Why don't you ask princess pixie to find it for you with her magic mascara wand... Quinn: Very funny Daria, besdies mascara is so OUT this season.... Daria: (I cannot believe I'm related to the queen of mabeline...if she knew what it was like to be un popular for one day.....) Quinn: (How am i related to the thinking monster....if she was popular for one day, it would fix her....) (Daria and Quinn thinking simultaneiousely) I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HER IN MY SHOES (Suddenly, lightening strikes, and a clasp of thunder is heard, Quinn's soul is now in Daria's body, and vice versa) Helen: Quinn??? Daria: Yes? Helen: No Daria, I was talking to Quinn...Quinn honey? Daria: What mom? Helen: No DARIA, I'm talking to Quinn... (Daria looks down at herself and screams, then runs out of the room) Quinn: What's her problem? (Quinn looks down, and then runs out of the room) Helen: Jake, I think there is something wrong with the girls... Jake: DAMN WELFARE CHEATS!!!! Scene 2- Daria and Quinn are upstaris in Daria's room (Daria is looking into the mirror, and sees Quinn's face) Daria in Quinn's Body: Oh no.... Quinn in Daria's Body: EWWWWWW THIS OUTFIT MAKES ME LOOK FAT! DIQB: Quinn, or Daria or whoever you are, what are we gonna do? We can't go to school like this! QIDB: Duuuuuuh...who would wanna go to school wearing this outfit you have on....jackets are so old.... DIQB: But Quinn, I cannot be you...I wouldn't no where to begin! QIDB: Do you actually think I want to be YOU! The Fashion Club is gonna kill me for sure! DIQB: Ok, we have to play this out for as long as it takes us...you have to be me and I have to be you ok?? QIDB: Ok, but do I have to go out like this? No offense but I'll be really embarrassed... DIQB: You can't be! You're me, remember? QIDB: Oh yeah...Well just remember, check your makeup in between classes and apply lipstick every 2 to 3 hours....use the pink gloss after lunch and before school is over put on the rose blush...not rouge, but blush, and not the rosey blush but the ROSE blush....and if you're hands get dry use the moisturizing cream.... DIQB: Oh this is going to be hell.......... QIDB: Do you have any tips for me? DIQB: Yeah, don't ruin my reputation..... QIDB: Reputation? Daria YOU have a reputation? DIQB: Yes, i have a reputation for not having a reputation....look, don't just make me into some freak...I don't want to have to explain anything to anyone... QIDB: YOU? What about ME? The Fashion Club expects ME to be there, not YOU! DIQB: You'll be there...only you'll be a little smarter today...don't worry, we can pull this off....oh my god I have to tell Jane, or you have to tell Jane....oh god maybe I can run over to her house and tell her right now.... (Daria runs over to Jane's house in Quinn's body, Jane answers the door) Jane: What are YOU doing here??? DIQB: Jane, it's me!!!!! Jane: Yes, I know who you are, I just want to know why you're standing at my front door... DIQB: No Jane! It's Daria! Something happened and me and Quinn accidently traded places.... Jane: Is this some psycho experiment to confuse me? DIQB: Noooooooo! Look, if this were really Quinn do you think she would waste her pathetically shallow mind coming all the way over here to talk to you? Jane: Oh my god, DARIA!!!! DIQB: Yes Yes Yes!!! You have to help me! Quinn is in my body!!! Jane: Oh no..... (Trent Enters the room) Trent: Hey Janey.. Jane: Hey Trent... DIQB: Trent? (blushes) Trent: oh, Hey, ummm what's your name again? Oh yeah, DARIA'S sister.... Jane: Uh, Trent, can you kinda excuse us for a moment....Daria, I mean Quinn is having a problem and I'm trying to make it worse.... Trent: Oh, sure....later Janey...bye DARIA'S sister.... DIQB: Oh no what am I gonna do???? Jane: Ok, lets just go to school we'll figure things out there... Scene 3- Lawndale HS (Sandi, Stacey and Tiffany are standing in the hall when Jane comes in with Daria) Sandi: Hey Quinn...the fashion club was wondering where you were...we thought something awful might have happened to you....like you fell off your platforms or something... DIQB: (oh please) Oh, yeah, right, hahaha... Tiffany: Quinn, who is this? Stacey: Yeah, aren't you the girl who always hangs out with Quinn's cousin? Jane: Yeah Sandi: SO why are you here with Quinn instead of being with her cousin or something.... DIQB: Oh, I was just giving Jane some fashion advice to enlighten her look... Sandi: Oh, well, um that's alrigt then, just as long as she doesn't decide to "stay" with us..... Jane: Now why would I wanna do that? (Jane exits) (Quinn walks into the school and sees Daria standing with the fashion club...she runs over to them right away) QIDB: Hi Sandi, Hi Stacey Hi Tiffany... Sandi: Umm, Quinn's cousin or something? QIDB: Huh? DIQB: DARIA!!!! What are you doing here?? This is for fashion club members ONLY! (winks at quinn) QIDB: Oh, right, sorry! I forgot...now where's Jennifer? DIQB: You mean Jane...she's over there.... Sandi: Gosh Quinn, your cousin is so WEIRD... The Fashion Clubs Giggles as they walk away, Daria trails along behind... DIQB: HaHaHa, can we talk about clothes now!?!?!?! When do we get to talk about clothes?!?! Clothes are good! (Daria was trying to sound like she knew what she was talking about) Scene 4- Jane follows Quinn into the Bathroom QIDB: God, doesn't Daria keep ANY kind of makeup??? Jane: She likes the natural look.... QIDB: Well she could at least look natural with makeup on! Jane: I think that defeats the point of natural.... QIDB: Ugh, her skin is SO dry! You don't have moisturizing cream on you by any chance, do you? Jane: Lemme check...lets see, glue gun, art supplies...a 9mm.... QIDB: OH MY GOD! I hope she remembered to re apply her lipstick! (Jane puts her hand to her forehead in embarrassment, and Jodie enters the bathroom) Jodie: Hey Daria, hey Jane! Jane: Yo! Jodie: Daria? (Quinn ignores Jodie) Jodie: DARIA?!?!? QIDB: Oh yea! That's me, I'M Daria aren't I? Hey! Listen do you have any lip gloss? (Jodie turns to Jane and whispers stuff to her) Jodie: What's wrong with Daria? Jane: Personality Conflict..... Scene 5- Daria and the Fashion Club are outside school when Joey Jeffy and Jamie come up to them Joey: Hi Quinn! Jeffy: Hi Quinn! Jamie: Hi Quinn! DIQB: Hi Sandi: Excuse me, Joey, Jeffy and Jeremy, what about us? Joey: Oh yeah Hi....Quinn wanna go out with me? (Daria makes a confused and scared face) DIQB: (hmmm.....what would Quinn say to these young adolescent males...actually I've got a better idea..) Actually boys, I have someone else in mind...sorry! Excuse me I have to go re apply my lipstick... (Daria runs off to find Jane) DIQB: Jane! I have a vision! Jane: What? DIQB: Well, Quinn can get ANY guy she wants, right? Jane: Right.... DIQB: NO guy could refuse her right? Jane: Right... DIQB: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Jane: No, that's sinister! DIQB: Well... Jane: It's inhumane and wrong! DIQB: You're right... Jane: Do it... DIQB: Upchuck.... Scene 6- Daria and Jane find Upchuck Upchuck: Hello ladies...rrrrruff!!! DIQB: Hello Charles... Upchuck: Wherefore the formality Quinn my Juliet? DIQB: Oh Romeo, you're so silly...Listen, I was pondering if perhaps you would like to take me out tomorrow night? Upchuck: Are you serious? Jane is she serious? Jane: VERY serious... DIQB: Pick me up at 8, bye Charles! Scene 7- Daria and Quinn are at Jane's house in the basement QIDB: YOU DIDN'T PUT ON THE GLOSS!!! Jane: How are we gonna fix this? DIQB: Did you guys ever see Freaky Friday? The one where the mother and daughter switched places because they thought the exact same thing at the same time? QIDB: EWWWW *THAT* stupid movie? Jane: What do you mean? DIQB: Well me and Quinn have to think the same thought at the same time, and this whole mixup should go away...wanna try it? QIDB: Ok hurry please, If I don't put on some real clothes I'll die... (Daria and Quinn think simultaneousely) I WISH I WERE ME AGAIN (A door slams and Trent and Jesse come down the stairs) Trent: Hey Janey...hey Daria! Daria: (Can't speak, must speak) Hey (Jane breathes a sigh of relief and falls backwards in Jesse's arms) Jesse: Hey Jane! Jane: Hey Jesse Quinn: Thank God! I'm outta here the Fashion Club has probably fallen apart, I've lost my popularity....Daria you had a pop quiz in English today I think...or was it Science? I couldn't tell which class I was in...and you let my lips get dry, so now I have to run home and put on moisturizer before they dry up! Trent: Janey, you weren't kidding about this morning...So Daria, Mystik Spiral is having a gig tomorrow, you wanna come along with Janey? You can stay backstage with me and the band... Daria: (Hmmm, a bunch of drunk men smashing amps and throwing up on eachother, making a big embarrassing scene, why would I go someplace like that?) Sure! Trent: Great, pick you up tomorrow at 8 Jane: Speaking of 8 does Angel face know about her date? Daria: Not yet... Scene 8- The next night at Daria's house Daria: By the way Quinn, I got you a date yesterday.. Quinn: YOU got ME a date?!?! Daria: Uh huh (horn honks outside) Daria: Oh, that's my ride...oh Quinn i believe your date is here as well... (Daria walks out, climbs into "TheTank" and they drive away) (Quinn is about to shut the door when a hand holds in open) Quinn: UPCHUCK?!?!?!?!? Upchuck: What happened to Charles? Mrrrrrow! Quinn: EWWWWWWWWW (Quinn slams the door in Upchuck's face) Upchuck: Fiesty!!!!!!!!! The End