Visitors Scene 1: The Morgendorffer family is sitting around the table, eating dinner. Everyone is surprisingly quiet, until the phone rings, prompting them all to start chatting somewhat. Quinn: I'll get it! Hello? Matthew! Helen: How was school, Daria? Daria: Well, three guys asked me out, the fashion club invited me to take Quinn's position as vice-president, and Brittany invited me to her party tomorrow before anyone else. Even Kevin. Helen: That's nice, honey. Now what really happened? Daria: You know me too damn well, Mom. Helen: I try, sweety. Daria: Nothing happened at all today. Helen: Well, guess what? The Yeagers are coming back for a weekend visit tomorrow. Daria: I'll call Jane and have her save me a spot in her room. Helen: No you don't, Daria. I want you to spend some more time with our friends. Maybe you and Ethan can hang out. Daria: That's really okay, Mom. I just can't fit another friend into my wide social horizon. Just think how left out Jane will be. Helen: Now, Daria. I'm sure you two'll get along. Daria: I'm sure you're trying to set me up with your friend's son in a vain attempt to get me dating. Helen: You know me too well. Daria: It's really not that hard. Scene 2: Daria is sitting in her room, talking with Jane on the phone. Jane is putting her paintbrushes away from finishing up a painting. The canvas, hidden from view, is being admired by Jane while she talks. Daria: The Yeagers are coming back this weekend for a visit. Jane: Shall I lay out grandma's nightgown? Daria: Don't bother. My mom's making me stay home and bond with them. Jane: Bummer. Daria: Yeah. Jane: That's just too bad, cause Trent was going to awaken from his everlasting slumber to actually do something instead of sleep in like he usually does. Daria: Oh yes, too bad. Guess I'll have to wait a few weeks to see him again. Jane: That actually works, cause Mom came home today, telling me that the whole Lane clan is coming down for a couple days. Apparently things are on the up and up. Summer found her other kids and Wind actually lasted a year being married to the same woman. Apparently he and Shelly are very happy. Daria: You have another brother? Jane: Oh yeah. Two brothers, two sisters. Daria: Who's your other sister? Jane: Penny. She made it into the Nicoraguin market finally. And she earned enough cash to fly up for the special occaison. Daria: Did you say- Jane: Yes. I know you listen to the Beatles. Don't make fun. Daria: Your parents are evil. Jane: Don't I know it. At least they leave us alone. Scene 2: Helen, Jake, Quinn, and Daria are waiting outside, as the yellow VW bug pulls up to the curb. Willow and Coyote emerge, cheerful as ever. Helen: Willow, Coyote! Willow: Helen! Coyote: Guys. Jake: Man! Quinn: (running to the car) Ethan! Hi! Ethan: Hey. Who's she? Daria: Daria. Quinn's sister. Ethan: Oh yeah. I remember your room. Pretty cool. Daria: Thanks. I try to keep my parents at least twenty feet away from it at all times. Helps with the delay of Mom's redecorating goal. Ethan: (laughs) I hear ya. Helen: Why don't you kids go hang out? Daria: You wanna watch Sick, Sad World with me in my room? Ethan: Sure. Quinn: Ew! How about we watch it in the living room? Better yet, how about we watch "Titanic" in the living room? Leonardo DiCaprio is so cute! Ethan: I didn't see it. But I'd rather watch Sick, Sad World. Daria and Ethan walk into the house. Quinn frowns, pouting. Helen smiles proudly. Willow and Coyote also smile. Jake just looks around, confused. Scene 3: Daria and Ethan are sitting on her bed, the TV on to Sick, Sad World. Both are quite deadpan, which isn't really unusual for them. TV: Are the 60's really coming back? The hippie take over sceme, next on Sick, Sad World! Daria: And I thought retro was just a fad. Ethan: Try living with it for your whole life. Daria: I pity you. Did I really just say that? Ethan: Thanks. I think. Daria: No, it's just I don't really care much about other people's lives to the point of pity, or anything else for that matter. Ethan: Neither do I. But knowing your sister is reason enough to pity you. Daria: Thanks. Ethan: Do you mind if I sleep in here tonight? Daria: Um, I dunno. Ethan: It's just cooler than any other room in this house. No offense. Daria: None taken. I guess it would be okay. I could pull out the sleeping bag from the closet. Ethan: That's cool. Your bed is really comfy, by the way. Daria: Um, thanks. Ethan: Show's back on. Daria: Oh. (unmutes it and both become zombies once more) Scene 4: Jane and Trent are sitting in the living room, watching TV while their mother walks into the kitchen from the garage. She soon emerges with a glass of water and stops in the living room. She has black hair, and somewhat resembles Jane a bit. She's wearing a long maroon skirt and a black T shirt. Jane: You must be excited, Mom. You never come out of the garage before six, usually. Amanda: It's not everyday I get to see all five of my children together. Trent: If Wind starts beating on me like he did *last* time, I'm heading over to Jesse's. Amanda: Sorry, Trent, but no can do. You're gonna stay here and have an actual conversation with your siblings. You've been apart long enough. There should be *something* to talk about. Jane: Mom, this is Trent you're talking about. Remember? Trent: Jane, I know where you sleep. Jane: Duh. You live here, cause you refuse to move out. Trent: When Mystik Spiral gets better gigs, I'll have enough cash to move out. Amanda: Please don't go into this again. I don't want another fiasco like *last* time your brother and sisters visited. Jane: Yes ma'am. Trent: Are Summer's kids coming too? Amanda: Is the pope catholic? Of course my grandchildren are coming. Summer doesn't trust them out on their own any more. Or with their father for that matter. Jane: And Wind's wife? Amanda: No, she had to stay in town for work. It's really too bad, we haven't even met her yet. Trent: Mom, remember what happened the last time we didn't meet Wind's wife? Amanda: Do you think they got divorced like the other three? Jane: Bingo. Amanda: Well, I should go to the airport to pick up Penny and Wind. Summer's driving over, so which one of you wants to come with me to the airport and which wants to stay here? Trent: I'll stay. Jane: No, I'll stay, Trent. You and Mom need some quality time. Trent: Oh I'm sure Mom would much rather enjoy your company, Jane. Amanda: Enough. Trent, Jane, you both go. *I*'ll stay here and wait for Summer. Trent: All right. Jane: Sure Mom. Amanda: Now! Trent and Jane roll their eyes and get up, walking to the doorway. Jane: What gates? Amanda: Um, let me write them down for you. Scene 5: Willow, Coyote, Helen, and Jake are sitting in the living room, chatting over coffe and home bottled berry juice. Quinn walks in carrying the cordless phone with her. Quinn: Okay Sandi. Yeah, I'll be ready in five minutes. What do you mean by "it takes you *that* long to get ready?" I was just saying, cause I might need a few minutes to redo my makeup or something. Okay. Bye! Helen: Quinn, are you going out with your friends? Quinn: Yeah. I just need to borrow the credit card, Mom. Sandi's gonna drive me and Stacy and Tiffany to Cashman's. Ethan walks down the stairs and into the kitchen. He soon remerges with two cans of soda. Ethan: We were just getting thirsty. Helen: That's okay, hon. Quinn: You know what mom, I'm gonna call Sandi back and tell her that I'm staying home instead. I uh, hear there's a new episode of Fashion Vision on in a few minutes and I really shouldn't miss it. I need to stay with the current fashions. Helen: All right, Quinn. If that's what you want. Are you sure you don't want to go to Cashman's with your friends? I'll let you borrow the gold card. Quinn: I, uh, um, ahhhhhhh! I can't take the pressure! Why must I choose between cute boys and shopping?! It's, like, impossible! (phone rings) Hello? Oh hi. Okay yeah! (hangs up) Mom, can I have the gold card? Matthew just invited me to go shopping with him and his little sister. His mom is making him go, so like, he wanted to have someone there to talk to. Helen: Sure, Quinn. Here, sweety. (hands over the card) Have fun. Quinn: Thanks. (walks away) Willow: What was she upset about? Helen: Oh, you know teen girls. Wanting the best of both worlds. Willow: I remember my teenage years. Not very vividly, I'm afraid. Helen: Yes, well. Yes. Scene 6: Jane and Trent are standing outside a gate, waiting. Both are quiet. A man in his mid twenties, resembling Trent quite a bit, except with a bit more muscles, walks up to them and smiles widely. Jane and Trent return smiles. Jane: Wind! Hey. Wind: Hi Janey. How's the art career coming? Jane: The bids aren't high enough. I haven't sold a single painting yet. Wind: Hang in there, sis. Jane: How's Sheila? Wind: Good. She's real sorry for not being able to make it. But you know how the working world is. Well, you've heard how the working world is, haven't you? Trent: Was that a crack at me, big brother? Wind: You? Nah. It was an insult. Trent: You just shut up. Wind: So how's life in the rock biz? Trent: Fine. Jane: No job, no girlfriend, no inspiration, no talent... Trent: No reason not to wack his little sister over the back of the head. Wind: (cocks his head to the side) Aw. Trent's hit rock bottom. Trent: I have not. Jane: Do something productive and we'll consider taking it back. Trent: I've done plenty of productive things. Jane: Whatever. Come boys, we must venture to find the remaining Lane sister. The testosterone in here is bouncing off the walls. Wind: Do I have to tickle you till you cry? Jane: Shutting up. Trent: How in hell do you do that? Wind: It's a gift. Scene 7: Daria and Ethan are sitting in her room, talking and getting aquainted. Daria: So what do you do in your free time? Ethan: Read mostly. Daria: Really? Who's your favorite author? Ethan: I don't choose favorites. I mostly read the classics though. Mainly whatever I can get my hands on. Daria: Yeah. Me too. Ethan: This is way off the subject, but how did your room get to look like this? Daria: It used to be inhabited by a shut in skitzo. Ethan: (smiles nicely) Cool. Daria: Yeah. Ethan and Daria look at each other, smiling. Scene 8: Summer's car pulls up to the Lane driveway and parks. A woman in her late twenties gets out and waits for four children to emerge from the car before assending the walkway and knocking on the door. She has shoulder length black hair, loose jeans, and a form fitting blue shirt on. Amanda answers the door and smiles brightly. Amanda: Summer! Andrian, Courtney, Brendon, Nathan! I'm so glad to see you! Kids: Hi grandma. Summer: Hi Mom. Kids, go inside and find aunt Jane or Uncle Trent or someone. Amanda: Oh, Jane and Trent are out picking up Wind and Penny. I'm sorry kids. Kids: Ooohhh. Amanda: Cookies in the kitchen. Summer: (watches the children run into the other room) You'd think by the age of ten they wouldn't be that excited for cookies. Amanda: I remember you acting like that into your teens. Summer: And what exactly would be your point, mother? Amanda: I'm really glad you had a chance to stop by for the weekend. Summer: Which reminds me. Luggage. Be right back. Amanda: Oh, wait for the boys to get here. Let them do it. Summer: Sounds good to me. The kids walk back out of the kitchen with their arms full of sugary goodness. Summer steals one from Courtney and takes a bite. Summer: Watch TV, kids. Or read a book for once. Nathan: TV! Scene 9: Jane and Trent and Wind are standing at another gate, waiting impatiently for Penny to arrive. A woman in her early twenties walks out, carrying a suitcase in each hand. She approaches the group and sets them down. Penny: Jane! Trent! Wind! How's it going? (she hugs them all shortly) Jane: Um, good. Trent: Okay. Wind: Great. How're you? Penny: Much better now that I've settled down in Nicaragua. I don't even mind the monster mosquitos and disease problems anymore. The work is good and I got a new boyfriend. Jane: Congrats. Penny: I'm sure you've had experience in that category all over the place. All Lane girls do at your age. Jane: Not all the Lane girls. Trent: Still single at sixteen. Penny: You're kidding me! Jane, we really have to talk. Jane: Trent, remind me to kick you in the balls when we get home. Trent: (smirks) You know how bad my memory is, Janey. Wind: Want me to refresh it when we get home? Trent: I'm locking myself in the basement with my guitar and amps. I don't care what Mom says. Jane: Need some company? Scene 10: Daria and Ethan are walking downstairs, talking and having a good time. Helen sees this and beams. The two walk into the kitchen and to the fridge. Ethan leans against the counter while Daria peers inside, looking for something. Ethan's gaze turns to her ass, just as she stands straight and returns with two more cans of soda. She hands one to Ethan and stands beside him, leaning against the counter. Ethan: Thanks. Daria: No problem. Ethan: Why was your Mom so happy just now? Daria: Probably because I was talking to other human beings. Ethan: Oh really? What species do you usually talk to? Daria: (laughs shortly and smiles) Good one. Ethan: You have a nice laugh. Daria: Thanks. Ethan: Let's go back up to your room. Daria: If I didn't know any better, I'd say that was a pick up line. Ethan: But it was. (smiles coyly) C'mon. TV awaits. Daria: Such a cultured person you are. Ethan: I try. (both smile and walk back to the bedroom) Scene 11: The entire Lane clan has now regrouped at the house and everyone is sitting in the living room, except Jane and Trent, who are in the basement with Jesse. Penny and Summer are sharing romance stories, while Wind tries to convice his mother that he and Sheila are still together. The kids are running around, hyped up on sugar. Penny: My last boyfriend used to do this thing with his tongue. I have no idea what exactly, but it drives me wild. Summer: While kissing? Penny: No. Summer: Ooohhh! You go girl. Penny: (smiles sinisterly) Ummmm hmmmmm. Amanda: Wind, you can tell me. Wind: Mom, Sheila and I are still together. Do you want me to call her? I'll call her and you two can talk the night away. Amanda: Wind, when are you going to face reality and just say it? I know you and Sheila separated. Wind: Mom, you're not listening. Sheila and I are fine. We're better than fine, we're just great. Amanda: All right, Wind. If the lie makes you happy, keep living it. Wind: Okay, I was going to save this for later, but now is good too. Amanda: What is it, hon? Wind: Could I get everyone in here first? Summer: I'll go get Jane and Trent. Kids, come in here and settle down until Unlce Wind tells us what he wants to say. Be right back. (she leaves) Amanda: This sounds important. Penny: Did they finalize the divorces? Wind: Yes, but that's not it. Jane: What is it? Trent: This better be good. You made me stop practicing. Jesse: Yeah. Wind: Okay. I just wanted to tell you guys in person. (room goes quiet) Sheila's pregnant. Penny: Oh, that is so great! Jane: Who's is it? Wind: Janey, I can hurt you. Jane: What a great way to begin your fatherly role. Beating up your little sister. Summer: How cool. My little brother is gonna be a daddy. Trent: Yeah. Good for you, Wind. Can I go back to my guitar now? I'm working on a song. Jesse: Hey, cool. Way to go, man. Wind: Trent, you seem a little down. Trent: You brought me up to tell me I'm gonna be an uncle again. Thanks. Wind: Can't you be happy for me, just this once? Trent: You're my older brother. Wind: Trent- Trent: Congradulations. Wind: (pause) Thanks. Scene 12: Daria and Ethan are sitting on the floor in her room, listening to tapes on her stereo. Daria puts in Marcy Playground and presses the play button. The middle of "Sex and Candy" begins playing. Daria looks up to Ethan and takes it out. He smiles and looks at a couple other tapes. Ethan: Hey, the Beatles. Daria: You like them? Ethan: My parents are hippies. I grew up with them. They sorta grew on me. Daria: Weird, me too. Ethan: Put it in. Daria puts the tape in and pushes the play button. Both smile at the familiar music and listen to it without talking. The song soon ends and Daria smiles. Ethan smiles also and looks at her. Ethan: Ya know, Daria, you're really cool. Daria: Thanks. So are you. Ethan: Thanks. Um, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Daria: Go ahead. Ethan: Do you have a boyfriend? Daria: No. Ethan: Really? Daria: Yeah. Why? Ethan: Just curious. (pause) How old are you? Daria: Sixteen. You? Ethan: Seventeen. Almost eighteen. Daria: Oh. (looks at him oddly, then back at the stereo) Scene 13: The whole Lane clan, and Jesse, is sitting in the living room, talking about the announcement. Wind is on the phone with Sheila, and the others are half carrying on a conversation, half listening in on Wind's conversation. Wind: Yeah, I told them, Sheila. Sheila: Were they surprised? Wind: Yes. (everyone looks at him, most paranoid about the conversation) Sheila: (giggles) From what you told me about them, I'm not surprised. Wind: My mom still thinks we're separated. She's having a hard time believing I can have a long lasting relationship. Amanda: I am not! Give me the phone, Wind. I want to speak with her. Wind: My mom wants to talk with you. Do you mind? Sheila: Of course not. I should be there talking with her anyway. Instead of here, with work getting in the way. Wind: You know you couldn't make it down. Don't beat yourself up about it. Sheila: You know I can't help it. Put Amanda on. Wind: Here, Mom. I warned her as well as I could in a short amount of time. Sheila: (from the phone) Wind! Wind: (chuckling) Here. Jane: So you really lasted a year with one girl? And you managed to knock her up. Trent: It's his sceme to keep her as long as he can. Wind: You know, now wouldn't be a bad time to reminice about my teen years. I see myself, beating a pre-teen Trent to a pulp. Shall we revisit those wonderful days? Trent: I can handle you now. I'm not a skinny wimp. Everyone looks at him with raised eyebrows. Trent: Shut up. Trent stands and walks up the stairs to his room. Jesse shrugs and follows. Jane smirks and leans back on the couch. Jane: Not much has changed over the years. Wind: What about you? What all's changed in your world? Jane: Um, I finally got a friend? Wind: Oh really? Who's she or he and exactly how desperate are they? Jane: I'm ignoring that comment, and her name is Daria. Wind: Do you know her last name? Jane: Morgendorffer. Wind: Just checking. Jane: Now I remember why I liked Trent more than you. I'm going to my room. Amanda: Sheila, are you *sure* it's his? Hello? Sheila? She hung up. Wind: Mom! What were you thinking? Scene 14: Daria and Ethan are sitting in her room, drinking soda and watching TV. The phone rings, and Daria reaches over to answer it. Daria: Quinn's not here. She's gone on a date. Jane: Good. At least *your* sibling isn't picking on you. Daria: Oh. It's you. Hey. Jane: Hey. Daria: I take it the family reunion isn't going too well. Jane: Now I remember vividly why everyone scattered. Daria: Do I have to see this? Jane: No. I'll do my gracious deed for the millenium and let you skip out this once. But you have to meet me, Trent, and Jesse at the pizza parlor in ten minutes. As payment. Daria: Um, okay. I'll remember to kill you for inviting Trent later. Jane: Cool. Later. Daria: Bye. (hangs up) C'mon, let's go for some pizza. My friends'll be there. Ethan: Cool. Who's Trent? Daria: Jane's brother. It's a long story, I won't bore you with the details. Ethan: Then give me the basic outline. Daria: I won't bore you with that either. Let's go. Ethan: Okay. Scene 15: Daria and Ethan are walking into the pizza parlor. Jane, Trent, and Jesse are sitting at a booth, when Jane sees them enter. Surprised, she stares at them walking towards the table and her mouth falls to the floor. Figuretively speaking of course. Daria and Ethan stop at the end of the booth and see the lack of seats. Jane moves closer to the wall to fit Ethan in and they both sit down. Jane is still staring at Ethan, and Trent has now taken an interest in him as well. Jesse takes more notice to his pizza, but acknowledges their precessence without much attention. Daria: Ethan, this is Jane. (motions with her head to Jane) Jane: Hey. Daria: Trent. (motions to Trent. He waves) And Jesse. Guys, this is Ethan. Jane: Pick 'im up on the way here? (Ethan snickers; Jane smiles) Daria: Not this time. Ethan's parents are my parents' friends. You remember me mentioning the Yeagers? Jane: Ooohhh. Ethan: My parents came back to golf and learn more about the legal system. My mom's been suspicious of the Rainbow Hammock company for processing hammocks illegally for over a year, and figured out that Daria's mom could help. Trent: Oh. Jane: So Ethan, what else should we know about you, in case the aliens abduct us and force us to tell them everything we know? Ethan: I could tell you nothing, and you'd still be able to tell the aliens everything you know, ya know. (Jane looks away to think for a momment, then shrugs) Jane: Okay then, just tell us what you like to do in your spare time. Ethan: Read and listen to music. Trent: What's your favorite band? Ethan: The Beatles. Jesse: (through a mouthful of food) Oldies? Ethan: I grew up on them. They just sorta stuck with me. Jane: How weird. Daria likes the Beatles too. (smirks) Daria: He already knows, Jane. Jane: Damn. Scene 16: Daria and Jane have gone back for more pizza, leaving the guys alone. Jane glances at Daria and she smiles. Jane: So what's up with you and Ethan? Daria: Nothing. We were just hanging out together. Jane: Suuure. Well, if you don't want him, I do. He's cute. Daria: Not you too. Do you realize that you and Quinn are thinking alike? Jane stops in her tracks and looks thoughtful for a minute. She then shakes her head and continues to the counter. Jane: There's a first time for everything, I guess. You did dress up like her once. Daria: Don't remind me. I'm still having nightmares. Jane and Daria grab their pizza and head back to the booth. Ethan stands and lets them both in, then sits again. Daria smiles. Trent watches her, noticiably bothered by her attitude toward Ethan. (I know I hate it when people act that way around me...) Daria takes a bite of pizza, not noticing Jane and Trent staring at her, but noticing the sideways glance Ethan is giving her. She smiles slightly. Trent looks at her with the expression that could only say, "I thought you only smiled at *me* like that." Jane takes a bite of her pizza and smirks. Scene 17: Quinn is in a department store, leafing through a clothes rack. A younger teenage girl of about twelve walks up to her, holding up a short pink dress with a ying yang on the front. She smiles sugary sweetly and puts it in front of her body. Girl: What do you think, Quinn? Quinn: Oh, I don't know Nikki. It looks really cute, but you look more like a sky blue. You know it's in this season! Nikki: But I *really* like this one. I don't think there are any in sky blue. Quinn: You give *up* too easy. C'mon. I'll help you. Matthew walks over to the girls and stops, looking at Nikki's dress. Matthew: That looks really cute, Nik. Nikki: Quinn thinks it's not my color. Quinn: Yeah, don't you think sky blue would be a totally better color on her? It would compliment her eyes, and just think what we could do with shoes! Oh, and a matching half jacket, definately. Matthew: (pause; blinks) Okay. Quinn: Come on, Nikki, let's go look for it. Nikki: Okay! Matthew: I'll go back to sitting beside the dressing room like I was. Scene 18: Jane and Jesse have desserted the group to get some more soda, leaving Trent, Ethan, and a very uncomfortable Daria alone at the table. Ethan notices the awkward atmosphere, and takes Jane's example to help. Ethan: I'm gonna get a refill, you want one, Daria? Daria: Um, sure. Ethan stands up and walks to the counter behind Jane and Jesse. Trent looks at Daria, who is watching Ethan walk away. He clears his throat and takes a long breath. Trent: So what's up with that Ethan guy? Daria: What do you mean? Trent: Well, you're acting a little... different around him. Daria: Um, you noticed me acting differently? Trent: I'm not as oblivious as Janey thinks I am. Daria: I dunno, I guess it's weird to meet someone you have a bunch in common with. I mean, we like the same music, authors, and we both hate shallow people like my sister. Trent: Oh. Yeah, I know about that. Daria: (quirks a brow) Oh? Trent: Yeah. Do you remember Monique? From the peircing parlor? Daria: Yes... Trent: We used to date. Don't know why we broke up. Daria: Um, are you suggesting that Ethan and I-- Jane: Hey, did ya miss us? Trent: Yeah right Janey. Jane: I am so unappriciated. Daria: What's your point? Scene 19: Daria and Ethan are walking to the Morgendorffer household. Both are trying to make conversation, and failing miserably. Daria: So... Ethan: So... Daria: What did you think of my friends? Ethan: They're cool. Daria: Yeah. Ethan: The pizza was good. Daria: Yeah, Jane and I eat there a lot. Ethan: I don't usually have pizza. I have to persuade my mom for two days until she breaks down and makes it. Daria: Yeah. Both stop trying and walk the last few yards to the front step. As Daria reaches for her doorkey, Matthew's car pulls up and Quinn gets out. From the backseat, Nikki waves cheerfully, sitting next to a huge pile of clothing. Quinn: Ethan! Hiiii! Ethan: Hey. Quinn: Do you wanna watch 'Titanic' now? Ethan: No. It's getting late anyway. Quinn: Then we can watch it in the dark! That's even better than I thought! Ethan: That's okay. Daria: How about we watch 'Animal Maulings' on home video? Ethan: Now you're talkin'! Scene 20: Daria and Ethan are sitting in the living room, watching their movie together. Quinn is sitting beside Ethan, becoming more and more sickened by the minute. Guy on TV: Put down the camera! Run! Cameraman: Just let me get this- Ahhhhhh! Daria & Ethan: Excellent. Quinn: Oh no! That poor moose! Daria: I think the cameraman is in more trouble than the moose, Quinn. Ethan: I think you're right. A loud crack is heard on the tape, followed by a scream and some splattered blood on the camera lens. Quinn gasps loudly and covers her mouth. She turns her head and plants it in Ethan's shoulder. Ethan glances at her, then glances at Daria, who isn't bothered by it at all. He turns his attention to the screen and shrugs his shoulders. TV: Thankfully, the cameraman only suffered a few broken bones and minor bruises all over his body. The screen shows a man in a full body cast, as a nurse walks up to inject some medicine into his IV drip. She walks away and the screen fades to black. Daria: Thankfully. Ethan: Almost makes you feel sorry for the guy. Daria: Almost. Scene 21: Jane is sitting in her room, watching Sick, Sad World alone. Someone knocks on the door, and she mutes it. Jane: Yo. Penny comes in and sits beside her on the bed. Penny: Girl talk time. I want all the dirt, Janey. Jane: I don't have any dirt. Penny: Come on, sis. Any crushes? Cute boys? Anything? Jane: Of course there are cute boys. And I don't have a crush on anyone. (smirks) But I know someone with a crush on Trent. Penny: Oh really? Jane: But I don't know if I should tell anyone. They might go blab it to him. Penny: Have I ever told people secrets before? Jane: "My boyfriend does this thing with his tongue." Penny: That wasn't a secret. It was a... a... gossip. Jane: Sure. Penny: If you don't tell me, I'm getting Summer and Courtney in here to hold you down while I give you a makeover! Jane: Go near me with eyeliner and I'll kick you with my boots. Penny: Let up. Who is it? Jane: *Fine.* It's Daria. Penny: She's your little friend, right? Jane: Yeah. She lives a few blocks from here. Penny: Cool. But I'm still giving you the makeover. Jane: You die in the morning if anything pink is anywhere near my face. Penny: No, you're more of a crimson red, aren't you? Jane: Blood red, actually. Scene 22: Daria is rolling out the sleeping bag, while moving trash out of the way for Ethan. She throws a pillow beside it and goes to her closet to change. After two or three minutes, she opens the door and lets Ethan in. He smiles and walks to the sleeping bag, sitting on it. Daria sits on her bed and turns on the TV. TV: When two friends get more than friendly, somebody's bound to get jealous! Watch carnage unfold when two teens confront their "friends" about their unfair behavior, next on Sick, Sad World! Daria: Fun filled family entertainment. Ethan: I'll say. Daria: (smiles, turns to face him) Yeah. Ethan: I'm tired. I'm gonna go to sleep now, kay? Daria: Yeah, I should too. Ethan: All right. Night. Daria: Night. Daria turns off the TV and walks over to the light switch. Ethan gets into the sleeping bag and lays down. Daria flips off the light and the room turns pitch black. As she tries to trek through her room on the way to her bed, Daria hits her foot on something and falls to the floor. Daria: Aw! Ethan: Ouch. You okay? Daria: Yeah. What am I laying on? Ethan: Um, me. Daria: Oh, uh, sorry. Ethan: S'okay. I've endured worse. Daria: Which way's my bed? Ethan: Um, to the right. Let me help you up. Daria: That's okay. I can get up myself. Ethan: Okay. Daria stands up and bumps her knee on the bedstand. She stifles a cry and sits on her bed, rubbing her kneecap. Scene 22: Jane is sitting on her bed, facing her sisters and neice. She shakes her head no, and folds her arms across her chest. Jane: I said 'No makeover!' Penny: Come on Janey, let us have some fun. It'll all be over in no time, and it's vertually painless. Summer: C'mon Jane, we're only here once a year. Let's spend some quality time together. Jane: Go give Trent a makeover! Courtney: We already tried that! Uncle Trent locked his door and wouldn't open it. Jane: Then give your brothers one. Penny: Trent let them stay in his room. He said something about no guy should have to endure that. Jane: All right. Just let me go to the bathroom, deal? Summer: Deal. But you only get five minutes. Penny: And hurry up, young lady. Jane: Yes, Mom. Penny: Wrong sister, hon. Jane walks out of her bedroom and down the hall. She stops in front of Trent's door and pounds her fists on the door. Jane: Trent! Open up! Save me from the makeup princesses! Penny: (VO) Hey! She's trying to escape. The door opens up and Jane slips inside and the door closes before Penny and Summer reach it. Jane lets out a relieved sigh and looks around at her brothers and neices. Jane: So what are the males doing? Wind: Listening to music and talking about girls. Trent: You can listen to my discman Janey. You don't want to hear what we're saying. Jane: I go from a makeup hell to a testosterone hell. Please enlighten me on which is the lesser of two evils, Trent. Trent: Why don't we all just watch TV or something? Brendon: I get dibs on the Playstation! Adrian: Me too! Nathan: I get winner! Wind: I get winner after next. Got it, brats? Kids: Yeah, yeah. Jane: I'm afraid for his child. Trent: So am I, Janey. So am I. Scene 23: The next morning, Daria walks into the kitchen, completely dressed, and picks up her section of the newspaper. Helen is making pancakes next to her, and Willow is grilling soy sausages and making toast. Jake walks in and takes a seat next to Daria. Jake: Mornin' kiddo! How'd ya sleep? Daria: Very, very, deeply, with just a trace of a dream about Quinn's picture perfect face melting off her skull. In other words, great. Jake: (cringes) Eeww. Helen: Daria, please! Don't be so graphic around your father. Daria: He asked. Quinn: Good Morning! Daria: Aren't you a little too perky for the morning? Quinn: Daria, you can never be too perky! Helen: Okay, who wants pancakes? Daria: Cold cereal is fine, thanks. Helen: Daria, I went out of my way to wake up early this morning to make pancakes for everyone. Now you're going to eat them or you're going to go hungry. Daria: Mom, is it that time of the month? Helen: Just eat, Daria. Ethan and Coyote walk in and sit down. Ethan has a tired expression on his face as he walks in, but seeing food perks him up a little. Quinn sees Ethan and looks down at her pink buny nightgown. She gasps and runs out of the room. Daria watches her go and shrugs. Ethan: What's up with her? Daria: She realized she came down without her tenth layer of foundation and only two coats of lipstick on her face this morning. She should fully recover from the shock in less than a week if she's lucky. Of course I've never been one to be hopeful. Ethan chuckles and takes a seat next to her. Helen puts a plate down in front of both of them and hands them both forks and knives. Helen: Eat up, kids. There's plenty for everyone. Daria: Mom, are you sick? Scene 24: The Lane clan is standing at an airline gate, saying their last goodbyes to Wind, before they head home. Wind is holding two suitcases, which he sets down on a conveyor belt to get loaded on the plane. He turns to his family and smiles, then hugs them all one by one. Wind: Well, I'll call you when Sheila gives birth. Promise to come up and visit? Amanda: We wouldn't miss it for the world, Wind. Trent: Yeah. Good luck, man. Jane: You're gonna need it. Wind: Thanks guys. Summer: Don't worry. Parenthood isn't as bad as they say it is. And it gets easier every time. Wind: That's reassuring. Bye Summer. Summer: Bye Wind. Call me when you get home, all right? Wind: You got it. Jane: You got any names picked out yet? Wind: Not yet. We haven't really planned that far. Jane: If it's a girl, name it Daria. Wind: I like that name. Trent: Yeah, it's a cool name. Wind: Well, Sheila's waiting for me. See you guys in six months. And with that, Wind walks through the gate and out of view. The group looks at each other and smiles. Jane turns to Trent and quirks a brow, obviously still thinking about the name. Jane: What if it's a boy? Trent: I dunno. Jonathan? Jane: No, I don't like that name. How about Joshua? Trent: Sounds good. Scene 25: Coyote and Jake are packing bags into the trunk of the VW Bug while Helen and Willow are saying good bye to each other. Ethan and Daria are standing right outside the door, watching the adults. Ethan turns to Daria and looks at her for a second. Ethan: Can I talk to you privately? Daria: Umm... okay. Ethan walks into the house, Daria following behind. He closes the door behind her and nervously walks to the couch, sitting. Daria skeptically follows and sits beside him, making sure to stay a small distance between them. Ethan: Daria, how can you and your sister be so opposite from each other? Daria: I blame it on the uranium in Highland's water supply. But it could have been an early blow to the head. Ethan: (chuckles) You're really funny. Daria: Thanks. (smiles) Ethan: And really pretty when you smile. Daria's smile fades, and she blushes, turning her gaze to her lap. Daria: (muffled) Um, thanks. Ethan: I guess this is goodbye, until next time. Daria: I guess. Ethan: I had fun, Daria. Daria: Yeah, so did I. Ethan: Can't wait till next year. Ethan stands up and extends his hand to shake hers. Daria stands and takes his hand. He smiles and leans over, kissing her on the lips quickly, then stepping back. Daria's eyes bolt wide open and she looks at him, a little shocked. She smiles, blushing deeper, and lets go of his hand. The car horn honks outside and they both look toward the door. Daria: You should probably go. Ethan: Yeah. I'll see ya next year. Daria: Next year. Ethan exits the house and Quinn walks down the stairs, joining Daria by the couch. Quinn: Are they gone *already?* Daria: (listens to a car pull down the street) My guess would be yes, but that could be Trent driving by. Quinn: Who? Daria: No one. Quinn: I didn't get to spend nearly *any* time with Ethan! I'll have to wait an entire *year* before I see him again! Daria: Look on the bright side. He could an ugly scar on his face from rock climbing before he visits again. Quinn: Well, then I really wouldn't be missing out on anything, would I? Daria: Nothing important. Quinn: Wow, Daria! I feel lots better. Thanks. Daria: Just don't go telling other people I helped you. I have a reputation to uphold. Quinn: Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go upstairs and get ready for my date. Aaron's gonna be here in, like, an *hour,* so I have, like, almost no time to prepare. Bye. Daria: Don't sprain a muscle climbing the stairs. You might have to have Tiffany fill in for you *again.* Just think what Sandi would say about that. Quinn: Oh my god, you're right, Daria! What *would* Sandi say if Tiffany had to fill in for me again?! I better hurry. Quinn runs up the stairs quickly. Daria lowers her head, shaking it in disbelief at her sister's stupidity. Daria: Scratch that. It was both a blow to the head *and* uranium in the drinking water. Scene 26: Jane and Daria are sitting in the pizza parlor, telling each other their weekend, as they always do. Jane: I'm still positive my mom thinks that Wind and Sheila are separated. Daria: Well, when he's been through that many divorces, I'm not really surprised. Jane: But apparently they're still together, and expecting also. Daria: Oh really. So that makes you an aunt for the fifth time? Jane: Yep. They're still decided on a boy's name, but guess what they're naming it if it's a girl. Daria: Helga. Jane: Nope. Daria. Daria: What? Jane: Daria. They're naming it Daria if it's a girl. Daria: And I suppose you had nothing to do about that, right? Jane: Not a thing. So what happened with you and the Yeagers? Daria: Nothing much, really. Ethan and I hung out a bunch, Mom made breakfast that didn't consist of pop tarts and toaster hash browns, and I convinced Quinn that when you don't get something you want, wish the worst for others and it doesn't seem so bad. Jane: Which is the greatest moral of all. Daria: Of course. Jane: So... the weekend was actually pretty memmorable, wasn't it? Daria: (pauses to think) No, not really. (smiles to herself) The End