Daria in: UNIFORMITY Written by: Mona Nobles Scene 1: Mr. Oneil's Classroom Daria and Jane are in their usually seats, Brittany and Kevin are sitting next to each other in the front, Jodie and Mack are sitting side by side (Jodie right behind Daria, Mack behind Jane) and Upchuck is in the back. Mr. Oneil: Since we finished The Scarlet Letter why don't we share our feelings? Ummmm...... Kevin? Kevin: Huh? Oh yeah. Demi is even HOTTER naked! (just as he is giving his stupid boyish grin, Brittany turns to him and slaps his face, she glares at him with murder in her eyes) Ouch! Mr. Oneil: Umm, anyone else? (looks at Upchuck) Steve? Hello? Steve? Upchuck: (annoyance in his voice) Charles. It was such a (beat) scandalous book! Ester rates way up there on the Feist-O-Meter! Mr. Oneil: Thank you, uh, Charles. But what was The Scarlet Letter really about? Brittany? Brittany: True Love. (gets dreamy look in her eyes) Mr. Oneil: (Exasperated sigh) Daria? Daria: The author was trying to describe the differences between Men and Women. Mr. Oneil: Very good Daria. Now...... (Ms. Li bursts in) Ms. Li: Students I have some great news! Daria: The aliens have come to take you back? Ms. Li: (not noticing Daria's comment) The school board has finally approved my proposal for school uniforms! (Sounds of argument and displeasure arise from the class) Uniforms have been proven to raise Academic performance and have been shown to reduce crime. Jane: (whispered to Daria) I bet that she makes a profit off of it, just watch. Ms. Li: The school board has, though, insisted on holding a debate to decide how students feel about this. The debate will be held one week from today so if anyone wants to speak, they must first sign up. Remember uniforms will bring good grades and with good grades, glory to (dramatic pause) Lawndale High. Scene 2: Morgendorffer dinner table, Jake is reading the newspaper, Daria is reading Infinite Jest and Helen is listening to Quinn pour her guts out. Quinn: It's not fair! How can I look cute if I'm wearing the same thing as everyone else? I mean, I'll end up looking like Daria! Helen: (warning) Quinn! Quinn: It's not my fault she doesn't care about the way she looks! Helen: (more dangerous) Quinn, I will not tolerate you saying things like that about your sister. Daria: (not looking up, deadpan) Don't you mean cousin? Quinn: Mom, we can't let them get away with this! I mean if they take away my outfits, what will be next, my right to date? I mean it's like a matter of principle! Helen: Quinn, if you feel that strongly about it, why not participate in the debate? Daria: Because she has no language skills what so ever? Helen: (warning) Daria.... Quinn: I can't do THAT, I mean I'm popular, the people who speak in public are the ones that need to get popular! (Phone rings, Quinn answers it) Quinn: Hello? Sandi? (goes into other room comes right back, though with the look of abject defeat in her face) Sandi's mom is making her participate in the debate! So now she wants the whole fashion club to speak out! Helen: That is so like Linda, oh well Sweetie, it will be a nice learning experience. Quinn: I guess. Can I have 100 dollars for a new outfit for when I speak? Jake: (wakes up after hearing 100 dollars) 100 dollars? Sure, Quinn, Here. (reaches into his wallet and pulls out money) Quinn: (taking the money) Thanks! (Leaves) Jake: (whispered to Helen) What did she want the money for? *Commercial Break. Ok let me think, How about A commercial for a deodorant that is named after a metal, A Honda commercial, and a stupid Mentos commercial (If you eat Mentos you will be able to solve problems in stupid, yet creative ways)* Scene 3: Jane's Bedroom. Daria is on the Bed and Jane is standing, painting. Jane: So the fashion squad is actually gonna fight this? Daria: Oh yeah, they're pumped. Jane: So we don't have to worry? Daria: About getting our outfits taken away from us? I don't think we ever did why, do you care? Jane: Being told what to wear would really piss me off, besides wearing the same thing as Quinn? I dunno, that doesn't sound good to me. Daria: Yeah, I guess you're right. I never really thought of it like that. Scene 3: Lawndale High Autotorium Sandi, Quinn, Stacy and Tiffany are sitting in chairs on the stage as are Jodie, Mack, Brittany, Kevin and various other classmates. Ms. Li is giving a speech, much to the boredom of the people sitting in the audience. Ms. Li: So we will now begin the debate Girl 1: I would love to not have to worry about what I was going to wear to school. (time lapse) Guy1: All the chicks would look the same, and we couldn't remember who we asked out. (time lapse) Guy2: I could tell how hot a babe was compared to other babes wearing the same outfit. (time lapse) Girl2: We would have no induvivality what so ever (time lapses between Brittany, Jodie, Mack, Kevin and others finally The fashion club is up) Sandi: If we let them take our outfits then we would like, have no ways to tell between the geeks and the cool people. There would be no fashion club. (Scan to Daria and Jane) Daria: And that would be bad, because....????? (Scan to Tiffany) Tiffany: If We Let Them Take Our Outfits We Would Dress Like Geeks. (Scan to Daria and Jane) Jane: Dejavuh (Scan to Stacy) Stacy: (in crying hysterics) And we would have nothing to live for!! Please give us back our out fits. (She then starts to cry uncontrollably and runs off stage. Quinn then walks up) Quinn: If like, all you guys wore the same thing, I couldn't decide who to go out with, so I'd probably only go out with guys who didn't go to this school. (At this almost all the guys start chanting NO UNIFORMS! NO UNIFORMS!) Scene 5: Jane and Daria walking in the hallway Jane: So your sister actually saved the day, hmm. Daria: Yeah maybe my cousin isn't so useless after all. (Scan in to Quinn who is talking to a guy) Quinn: Chez Pierre and then a movie? Ok! (back to Daria) Daria: Then again......... End Credits The Song "Rock and Roll to Me" By Billy Joel is playing. This is my first fan fiction any questions or comments should be sent to the_misery_chick@gurlmail.com Thanks! Disclaimer: I do not own daria, MTV does. I do not claim to own daria. I just write ridiculous fan fictions about her.