Truth and Consequences

By Mahna Mahna


It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

Tom wanted to see if he could find where his latest girlfriend was. His best friends left him high and dry with nothing to do on a Saturday night. His choices were: find Jane or watch reruns on television.

The decision was all too easy.

Walking into the pizzeria, he spotted who he was looking for and headed for their table.

“Hey,” he greeted good-naturedly once he reached the two of them.

“Hey,” responded Jane with a smile.

“What are you doing here?” Daria frowned.

Trust Daria to be so friendly, he inwardly groaned. “Those really good friends of mine -- they totally blew me off. I figured you guys might be here.” It was true; Jane had mentioned several times that this was her favorite hangout, besides her own room of course.

“Well, pull up a bench. We'll order another pie,” Jane said.

He almost took her up on the offer, but stopped at the look on Daria‘s face. “No, I'll just get a slice. I'm only going to stay a minute.”

“Want to borrow my stopwatch?” asked Daria.

“Hey, Daria, if you want me to leave, just say so,” Tom said frowning.

“Okay, bye now.”

“Hey, come on, Daria. I thought we were going to see a movie…..” pouted Jane.

“What movie?”

Daria answered right away. “It's called The Big Chick Movie That Appeals Only to Girls and Makes Men and Boys Vomit.”

I don’t believe this, he thought as his eyes narrowed. It might have been funny, if it weren’t happening to him, but since it was…….. “Hey, Daria, did I say I wanted to go to the movie with you?”

“No, but you never mentioned wanting to horn in on our pizza time, either,” she countered.

Two can play at this sarcasm game. “Daria, you're so darn pleasant and friendly, I don't see how anyone could resist an evening with you. But just on a crazy whim, I think I'll go home and watch TV by myself.” Should’ve done that in the first place.

He left the Pizza King in a huff, only vaguely aware of Jane calling after him. I can’t believe the nerve of her… he thought as he got into his car and started the engine. You try to be friendly and look where it gets you… Resigning himself to talk to her about her attitude towards him after he cooled off, he sped towards his home, past the grocery store…past the pharmacy….and past the movie theatre….


“No!” squeaked Brittany, standing in the ticket line. “I am not going to watch another one of those icky horror movies again!”

“But Baaaaabe!” pleaded Kevin. “I don’t want to see one you wanted to see. It’s a chick movie!” He wrinkled his nose. “It even says so in the title!”

The Big Chick Movie That Appeals Only to Girls and Makes Men and Boys Vomit isn’t a girl movie; it’s one of those movie dealies that make fun of girl movies! It’ll be funny.

Now come on! Buy the tickets! Pleeeeease?” She batted her eyes at him.

Kevin sighed. “Oh, okay.” He turned to the ticket vendor. “Two for The Big Chick Movie.” He wondered if he would regret going to see it. There was just something odd about movies whose titles were too big to put on the marquee. He took the tickets and headed in to the dark, dark theater with Brittany on his arm.


The End








Special thanks to Outpost Daria for use of ‘Jane’s Addition’ transcript



Wallace: "The question is, what is a Mahna Mahna?"

Statler: "The question is, who cares?

-The Muppet Show (The Mahna Mahna Song)