The Characters of Daria Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer, Jane Lane, Trent Lane, Jesse Moreno, Nick Campbell, Max Tyler, Kevin Thompson, Michael Jordan "Mack" MacKenzie, Brittany Taylor, Jodie Landon, Angela Li, Anthony DeMartino, and many more, even if not mentioned here, are the Creation of Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis and Copyright MTV Studios.  This story is in no way to be construed as a challenge to said copyright.

Some of the events and persons mentioned in this fanfic did happen and do exist, but have been somewhat fictionalized.  I myself have diverged from the alternate self shown here sometime in 1996.  To those of you who may be offended, remember: this is a cartoon.  This is not and could never be real.

Permission is granted to repost, republish, or retransmit this work in any way, shape, or form as long as these disclaimers remain intact, and no one except Glenn Eichler, Susie Lewis, MTV Studios, or Viacom, the parent of MTV receive financial remuneration.

Historians' Note: This story and its sequels take place in lieu of the prospective Season Five.

Splendora's You're Standing On My Neck has been replaced by Man on the Moon by REM, and the following montage plays:

Mr. Ben Breeck looks resigned.  Pan over to his students, who include Daria, Jane, Kevin, Brittany, Upchuck, and most of the rest of the gang in Daria's class.

Ben is in Principal Li's office, with narrowed eyes, and regards Li, who is yakking in grandiose terms, with a look of tired incredulity.

Pizza King.  Ben is grading papers while hoisting a slice with pepperoni, bacon, onions, anchovies, and sun dried tomatoes.  Pan to Daria, Jane, and Tom's booth.  Daria is suspicious, Jane is startled, and Tom's face is neutral.

A dance. Ben approaches Claire DeFoe and says something.  She blushes and takes his hand.  Pan to Upchuck with a camera snapping a picture.

The classroom again.  Mr. Breeck pulls a sleeping Kevin's face up by his hair, removes some googly-eyed Groucho glasses from his face, folds them, then drops Kevin's face back on his desk.  Pan to Daria, Jane, and Jodie's approving glances.

The Zen.  Mystik Spiral is thrashing on stage, and Trent is singing like his life depends on it.  Pan to the audience where one of the patrons is Ben, who's looking rather unimpressed.

Daria is at a street corner with Tom, who is speaking.  He stops talking, his tongue cleaving to the roof of his mouth.  At the exact same instant, she acquires a cold, angry look, says something between clinched teeth, and stalks out of the shot.

The Zen.  Ben is up on stage and apparently doing a monologue.  Pan to the audience, which includes Daria, Jane, and Mystik Spiral.  Everybody is laughing except Daria.

Close-up of Daria Smirking, which acquires an oval around it.  Zoom into the Daria Logo.  Super: Daria in:

Scene: Split Screen Between Daria's Room and the Sloane Kitchen.  Daria and Tom are on the phone talking to each other.

Daria: Well, I and my mom have definitely reached a new and potentially damaging phase.

Tom: Tell me when she goes up in front of the grand jury for the indictment.

Daria: Sure, should it ever happen.  Tell me what has been happening in Bear country.

Tom: Well, we lost a hard fought homecoming game to Texas A&M 36-7.

Daria: I thought you said the game was hard fought.

Tom: It was.  Just after the final buzzer, the entire home crowd surged onto the field and engaged in uh... "unnecessary roughness."  The Aggie quarterback won't be entering the entering the draft next year.

Daria: I think the Baylor team would be perfect for Jim McMahon and Jesse Ventura's new league.  The crowd too.

Tom: Indeed.

Daria: So, You doing anything Friday night?

Tom: No, not really.  With Midterms finished and my papers in philosophy and Western Civ done,  there's nothing I need doing, why?

Daria: Well, how would you like to see what a homecoming dance is really like, as opposed to just the parade?

Tom: Only if you're inviting me.

Daria: I hope this cluelessness you're showing is just an act.

Tom: It is. Count me in.  But I thought you were grounded.

Daria: Dad and Mom are going to this Paul Simon concert at the Astrodome.  Between the leaked plans to do just about every song he's ever done, the (cough) sellout crowd and having to find the car after it's over, not to mention fighting traffic on I-45, I estimate that they will be back by 1:30 A.M. at the earliest.  Don't worry.  Quinn hasn't an incentive to tell them.  Pick me up at 9:30.

Tom: Sure thing.

Cut to:
 

Scene: Lawndale High School,  Anthony DeMartino is in front of the class.

DeMartino: It SEEMS that some of you IDIOTS want to kill me.  For the LAST time, a CONCENTRATION CAMP and a CRAM SCHOOL are NOT the same thing!  Why is it that only MR. DEWITT-CLINTON and MS. MORGENDORFFER seem to give a damn about the ONLY war in the TWENTIETH CENTURY America was completely in the RIGHT in its pursuit?

Pan to Sandi, Tiffany, Quinn, and Stacy.

Sandi: Quinn, why are you blowing the grade curve?

Quinn: (to Stacy) You know, Stacy, I think there's a real draft in here.

Stacy: There shouldn't be.  I just read in the Lawndale Lowdown that the rooms were caulked just three weeks ago.

Sandi: Why should poor Stacy here suffer because of your anger at me?

Quinn: (Completely Oblivious to Sandi) So, how was that essay on Eva Braun you turned in on Monday?

Stacy: I got a B+ thanks to your notes.  Did you really copy them right, or did you simply make them up?

Quinn: They were copied right, I assured you.

Sandi: Oh, this is getting tedious.  They'll never get any dates to Homecoming.1

Tiffany: They definitely won't.

Cut to:
 

Scene: Carter County Mobile Home Park.  Doug Thompson (From Mart of Darkness) pulls up in a 1985 Cadillac Sedan DeVille.  He kills the engine and gets out of the car, then walks past Ben's Jeep and over to the front door of Ben's mobile home.

Doug: (Pounding on the door) Open up!  Now!

Sound of three different locks being undone.  Ben opens the door.

Ben: Hey, you aren't the landlord.  What gives.

Doug: Are you Mr. Breeck?

Ben: Yeah, so?

Doug: You stole something of Kevin's.  I want it back.

Ben: And you are?

Doug: Doug Thompson, Kevin's father.

Ben: Of Thompson's True Value hardware store on Main Street?

Doug: Yeah, now hand it over, now!

Ben: Actually, I turned it over to Principal Li for safe keeping.  You might try her during school hours.  Anything else?

Doug: (Really Pissed) Why you... (Pause, calms down a bit).  Well, you also gave my Kevin an F on his report card.

Ben: And your point is?

Doug: Look, football is the only way he's getting into college.  Right now, he can't play.

Ben: Right now, he can't even tell the difference between the Principate, the Imperate, and the Domminate phases of the Roman Empire.  His paper on Plato was written on using that famous Playskool modeling clay and was about it, and the only thing he ever says in class when called on is "I'm the QB."  I'm considering recommending he be sent to remedial classes, but that area is so over full with people who actually want to learn I'm afraid I'd be wasting the teacher's time.

Doug: (Getting really angry) Look, either you pass my Kevin or there'll be hell to pay!

Ben: (Cold, Angry) As things stand, Mr. Thompson, Kevin will not be able to play this homecoming.  If you want him to have some chance at extra credit, that's one thing, but I will not be intimidated into awarding a passing grade without merit by anyone.  (Assuming a feral grin) And I do suggest you leave my property right now.

Doug: (Swinging back a punch) Why, you little...

Ben quickly shuts the door.

Doug: (Pounding On The Door) Open Up!  Open Up!

Door opens suddenly, knocking Doug to the ground.  Music: Stop by Jane's Addiction.  Doug facefaluts.  Pan to the doorway, where Ben is rushing out it with a wooden practice bastard sword at the shoulder ward.2  Despite being wooden, it is quite capable of breaking ribs and necks.  Cut to Doug, who's scrambled up to his feet and is running to his Cadillac.  He gets into his car, and tries to to run Ben over.  Ben dodges behind some barrels as Doug turns, exits the long way out of the Mobile Home Park, and speeds out into the distance.  Cut to Ben holding his sword.

Ben: (Breathing Deeply, thought voice over) I don't think I've seen the last of him.  Look's like I'll have to get my sandpaper from Lowe's.

Cut to:
 

Scene: Coach McNulty's office3.  The coach is a fit, but balding man with salt and pepper hair on the sides and back, and three day stubble and his cheeks an chin, and his office is filled with football memorabilia.  The coach is reading the paper with his feet propped on his desk when the phone rings and startles him.  He tumbles out of his chair and picks up the phone.

McNulty: Lawndale Lions Football Office, McNulty speaking.

Voice: (obviously electronically disguised, Off Screen) Coach, I want you to make sure that no one on the team goes near the home side  forty-yard hash mark before half-time.  There's $250 in it for you.

McNulty: What? Who is this?

Voice: (Off Screen) And if you try to investigate it, or tell anyone about it, I'll tell the police and school board about that bookie you've been dealing with in Oakwood.

McNulty: (Angry) How do you know about him?

Line goes dead.

Operator: (Recorded Message) If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.  If you've found this message to be in error, please check the number and then dial the operator.

McNulty slams down the receiver and sighs.

Commercial Break.  Stinger: Ben brandishing his wooden sword.
 

Scene: Quinn's room.  Quinn is sitting on her bed, talking on the phone and doing her homework all at the same time.

Quinn: So it's all set?  I knew you could do it.  Yeah, now we're even, until you want another favor.  Oh, and calling Coach McNulty was a nice touch.  Talk to you later. (Hangs Up) If at all.

Phone Rings.  Quinn Picks it up.

Quinn: Hello?

Split screen between Quinn's room and David Sorenson's (from Is It Fall Yet?) dorm kitchen.

David: Quinn, it's me, David.

Quinn: What's this about?

David: (While David is saying this line Quinn has a startled look on her face.) I might have considered pressing charges for all those messages you put on my answering machine, but I don't think I can.

Quinn: What's this about?

David: I don't know.  Right now, I'm tired and I'm lonely, and it's either call you or get roaring drunk.

Quinn: You haven't answered my question.

David: I was right about what I said about you, only, I was lagging about two months.4  You definitely weren't so shallow at the end.  I'm sorry.

Quinn: Thanks, I think.  And please don't get drunk.  Given how ever you feel, drinking would only make it seem worse.

David: Quinn, could we talk, Friday night?

Quinn: If you'll take me to my high school homecoming dance.

David: I thought you were candidate for Homecoming Queen.

Quinn: You aren't the only one who needs to talk.

David: Touché.  I guess I might at that.

Quinn: If you could, please pick me up at 9:30.

David: OK.

Cut to:
 

Montage.  Music: Pretty Woman, (The Van Halen version)

Jodie pulls over her head a light blue slinky night dress.

Sandi is rummaging through her closet.

Jane is looking under her bed for something.

Quinn is pulling out things in front of Daria.  Pan to Daria's face as she gains a look of shocked disbelief.

Stacy is pulling on something red.

Quinn zips up Daria's back.

Jane puts on earrings.

Daria zips up Quinn's back.

Jodie is putting on blush.

Sandi is applying eyeshadow.  She is wearing something resembling a cloth-of-copper sari with cloth-of-electrum accents and borders.

Quinn is applying blush to Daria's face.  Suddenly a cloud of it erupts and Daria begins coughing.

Cut to:

Scene: Morgendorffer Residence.  A 1978 U.S. Ford Granada pulls into the driveway.  Zoom to the driver: Tom Sloane.  Tom honks the horn.  Pan to the front door, which opens to reveal Daria.  Daria is dressed in a bright green sequined pleated dress down to just below her knees.  The front is about one centimeter below her clavicle, until it reaches the center.  There, it dips in a very narrow "V" almost to her navel.  Despite the magnifying effect of the sequins and the push-up bra, Daria's barely a B cup.  This ensemble is completed, if not complemented, by her Doc Marten's.  Daria walks over to Tom's car and gets in shotgun.

Tom: (With a startled look.)  Daria.  You are... Stunning.

Daria: Funny, I thought I left my taser at home.

Tom: Let's get the schedule straight.

Daria: The Dance ends at Midnight, exactly.

Tom: That leaves plenty of time for a bite at Harry's All Night Hamburgers.

Daria: No.  I want as much cushion as possible.

Tom: Very well.

Tom twists the keys a couple of times.  The car roars to life.  It backs out of the driveway, on to the street, and takes off.

A yellow 1985 Chevy Celebrity pulls up on the curb next to the Morgendorffer Residence.  Pan to the Driver's seat where David sits.  He gets out of the car and rings the doorbell.  Quinn opens the door and throws her arms around David.  Quinn is wearing a gold and silver sequined number slit up the front, diamond earrings, and high heels.

Quinn: David!

Cut to:
 

Scene: Lawndale High, exterior, the front door.  Anthony DeMartino and Cindy Morris are Door Greeters.

DeMartino: (Grumbling, in an obviously rented suit.) Why do I have to WORK this DOOR?  I WAS so looking FORWARD to WATCHING Law and Order: Special Victim's Unit.

Morris: You were looking forward to watching that?  I wanted to scout out our competition in Cheerleading.5

DeMartino:  (As he says this line, Angela Li cracks open the door and puts her head out.)  THOSE leotard clad Stepford Wives?

Li: Quiet you two.  Here comes our first arrival.  Oh, and by the way, we won 27-24.

Pan to Jane getting out of Trent's Plymouth.  She waves to Trent as he drives off.

Jane: And make sure to crash at a Motel at the end of the show.  Don't want to read about you in an accident. (Turns around gasps in pleasant surprise.)  Daria, I have never seen you so.. so...

Quick Cut to Daria and Tom getting out of Tom's Car.

Daria: So Formal?

Cut to Jane.

Jane: Yeah.

Pan the shot so that Daria, Tom, and Jane are all in front of the camera.

Daria: You usually aren't so tongue tied.  What happened to Isaac?

Tom: I noticed he's gone, too.

Jane: He has to work until midnight.6  Which is too bad, since that's when this shindig ends.  He also missed the game.

Daria: Spare me.  I missed it too.

Jane: (Smiling Maliciously, Sandi Impression) That's just too, too bad, because everyone got their just deserts that day.

Tom: I see.

Daria: (Mona Lisa Smile) Well, maybe I should have watched it on T.V..  (Neutral expression again, Pointing)  Looks like there's where the entertainment is at.

Pan to the Z93 Dodge Ram Van 2500, where Bing and the Spatula Man (From Jake of Hearts) are unloading equipment.7  Pan back to Daria, Jane, and Tom.

Tom: Well, for what Li's paying them, They could afford much better entertainment.

Daria: Yeah, like the Director's cut of Battlefield Earth, or possibly a complete set out of Mystik Spiral. (Beat) So, what are the decorations like?

Jane: Right this way.

Cut to:
 

Scene: Lawndale High, the Gym. Music: Can I Touch You?, by Rod Stewart.  The door opens and Ben walks onto the floor. He is dressed in a black suit with a white button down shirt, cummerbund, and bowtie. Pan over to the dance floor, where several pairs are slow dancing. They include King and Queen Mack and Jodie, Kevin and Brittany (Still in their respective uniforms), Sandi (in a fetching dress that doesn't match the montage,) and Jeffy, Daria and Tom, Quinn and David, Janet Barch and Timothy O'Neill, and Jane, who's here stag. Cut back to Ben.

Ben: (Walking out on the floor) Hmm, looks like I'm a little late.

Cut to Mack and Jodie.

Jodie: Who would have thought that the Homecoming King for 2000 would turn out to be the guy chosen MVP and who scored the winning touchdown, yet also be chosen as a Rhodes Scholar, for the second straight year?8

Mack: And who would have thought that the Homecoming Queen wound be someone who wasn't a cheerleader, soccer player, or choir member?

Jodie: Do you think that the system might be turing out in our favor after all?

Mack: We'd better not celebrate, it might turn against us again.

Cut to Jeffy and Sandi.

Jeffy: (Pleading) Hey, I didn't mean to slip on that mud spot and take you down with me, honest!

Sandi: Shut up.

Cut to Daria and Tom

Tom: Daria, my sweet. That's a wonderful dress you're wearing.

Daria: Thank you. I'm glad to have a sister as grateful as Quinn and a friend as forgiving as Jane. They were the ones mostly responsible for it.

Tom: It's too bad I never went to your school and am now a freshman at Baylor.

Daria: Don't push your luck. If you tried out for football, you'd have been sent to the hospital on the first practice.

Tom: (Giggles)

Song Ends.  New Song: Dying in Your Arms Tonight, by Cutting Crew.

Cut to Quinn and David.

Quinn: Thank you for being my date, David.

David: After Rhonda dumped me, and no one else would give me the time of day, what choice did I have?

Quinn: Oh, There's always a choice, David. It may not seem like it at times, but there's always a choice.

Cut to Barch and O'Neill.

Barch: You dance quite well, for a man.

O'Neill: Thank you. I had a great teacher.

Barch: (Menacing Tone) You don't still have feelings for her, do you?

O'Neill: Not those feelings, honey bunch. (Thought Voice Over) Why would I have them for my mother?

Cut to Jane.

Jane (Thought Voice Over) Well, the design came off well after all.

Cut Back to Ben.

Ben: (Thought Voice Over) Hmm, now there's someone I can try. (Pan to put Claire DeFoe in the Shot, Out Loud) Miss DeFoe, I presume. You are not only wonderful at creating and inspiring art, so I see, but you are a work of art yourself. Would you like this dance?

DeFoe: (Blushes and offers her hand to him)

They walk to the middle to the floor. Pan to Upchuck who puts a camera up to his eye an snaps a picture of them.

Upchuck: (Thought Voice Over) Nobody sends the Chuckster to Detention three straight times and gets away with it, Mr. Breeck.

Song Ends. Cut to the DJ booth. Bing and the Spatula Man are sitting in it.

Bing: And wasn't that a great, romantic song?

Spatula Man: It was that, Bing. Next, how about something to Party Hardy to?

Bing: You took the words right out of my mouth, Spatula Man.

Begin opening strains of Time Warp.  Suddenly crash sounds are heard. Music stops.  An emergency exit flies open from the outside, sounding a fire alarm.  A crazed Doug Thompson runs into the Gym, carrying a pump shotgun.  He racks the shotgun and shoots into the air, shattering a light.  Most of the crowd screams and bolts in any direction.

Doug: I want to find that Beep who flunked my pride and joy.  I want to teach him a lesson in hopelessness!  There you are!

Pan to Ben and DeFoe, who dive behind the punch table.  The shotgun shatters the punch bowl.

Ben: Well, I guess this means the punch is now officially spiked.

DeFoe throws an elbow into his stomach.  Ben grunts.

Doug: (Off Screen) Come 'ere, you yellow-bellied chicken!

Ben begins crawling behind the tables.

Pan to Daria, Tom, and Jane.

Daria: Oh, God, not again!

Jane: You know what they say, third time's a charm.

Cut to Quinn and David.

Quinn: I cracked a nail!  Mr. Thompson's going to pay!

David: Quinn, don't do something stupid.

Quinn: (Calming Down) He'll pay, just not now.

Cut to Doug looking around for, an any direction.  Zoom back as Ben's hands grab for his legs, while Upchuck is in the foreground.

Upchuck: He's right behind you.

As Doug levels the shotgun at Upchuck, Ben's hands reach Doug's leg and yank.  The shotgun blast propels him onto the table with the shotgun flying to the side.  Ben scrambles for the shotgun as Doug gets up to swing a punch.  Ben intercepts his fist at the wrist with the muzzle of the gun, then clubs him with the return swing using the butt on the Doug's temple.  Doug goes out like a light.  Then the police plunge through the open emergency door.  They quickly move to subdue Ben on the ground.

One of the policemen: You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.  You have the right to an attorney.  If you do not have one, one will be provided for you.  Do you have any questions?

Ben (Being let up): Yeah, just one.  What is your badge number and who is your captain?

One of the policemen: (Evil Grin) Oh, a wise guy, eh? This'll be interesting.

Pan through paramedics hoisting Doug onto a stretcher and picking it up, Bing and the Spatula Man talking to police, to Daria, Jane, and Tom.

Daria: Party's over.  Lets go.

Tom: We'd better talk to that guy, first.

Pan to the policeman with the pad and pencil.

Commercial Break. Stinger: Doug Running into the gym with the shotgun.
 

Commercial:

Voice Over: On the next episode of The New Teacher Series, Daria tells her side of the story.

Scene: Daria at the kitchen table, Daria has her hand on an Old Testament.  Jake is beside her holding the book.

Jake: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?

Daria: I do.

Voice Over: Make that stories.

Scene: A court room.  Daria is on the witness stand.  Her hand is on the same book.  This time it is a Bailiff administering the oath.

Bailiff: Do you swear that the evidence you are about to give concerning this matter is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

Daria: I do.

Voice Over: All this, and much more, Next Week!

End Commercial
 

Scene: Morgendorffer Residence, Exterior.  It is morning.  Cut to the living room.  Daria and Quinn are walking down stairs, scratching themselves just below their armpits and yawning.  They walk over to the door to the kitchen and open it.  Cut to the kitchen stove and microwave, where Jake and Helen are making breakfast.

Jake: Morning Daria.  Morning, Quinn.

Helen: How was your Homecoming, Quinn?

Cut to Daria and Quinn.

Daria: Morning, Dad.

Quinn: It was ok.

Cut to Helen and Jake.

Jake: That's nice.  Did Jane come over and watch some bad movies with you, Daria?

Cut to Daria and Quinn, who have sat down.

Daria: No.

Quinn: She went to the dance, all by herself.

Cut to Jake and Helen.  They have finished cooking and are taking some biscuits, turkey bacon, eggs, and orange juice to the table.  They sit it down, putting Daria and Quinn in the shot.  Zoom to Jake, who picks up his newspaper.

Jake: What's this?  Isn't this your new history teacher? (Turns the paper around to the camera.  Zoom into the picture of Ben being led away in handcuffs.  Zoom back out to Daria, Quinn, Helen, and Jake)

Daria: (Look of Shock, but unfeigned and for a different reason than Jake and Helen interpret.) Yes it is.  What happened?

Jake: Says here, that though the security footage and the eyewitnesses were ambiguous, one student's account clearly nailed Mr. Breech...

Daria: (interrupting) that's Breeck, Dad.

Jake: Breeck as the aggressor.  He has been arraigned for assault and battery with a deadly weapon, attempted murder, breaking and entering, and carrying a concealed weapon without a permit.

Daria: (Muttering) Upchuck.

Helen: What's that?

Daria: Nothing.

Quinn: It was nothing like that!  He was simply trying to disarm this guy who crashed the dance!

Helen: (Looking at the paper, acquires a look of shock, that quickly turns to anger.)  Daria! Go to your room, Right Now!

Daria: What?

Helen: Right Now!  (Through Clinched Teeth) You disobeyed my grounding.  Go!  You too, Quinn.  You didn't report it to me.

Cut to:

Split Screen between Jane's room, and Isaac's apartment.

Jane: And to top add insult to injury, Mr. Breeck is the one led off in chains.

Isaac: There ain't no justice.

Jane: What really frosts me is that Upchuck is selling him down the river when Mr. Breeck is the one who saved his ass.

Isaac: What? Why that...

Jane: (interrupting) Well, there might be a way to get at him.  About two hours before the game, I saw him enter the fieldhouse with a dirty shovel and an oily grin.

Isaac: From what you tell me of him, he always has an oily grin.

Jane: But he wasn't hitting on any girls.

Isaac: I see.

Jane: I think we should do some exploring.  Meet me behind the the school.

Isaac. Sure.  My shift doesn't start until 2:30.

Jane: Plenty of time.

Cut to:

Ben in a jail cell.  He has the beginnings of a black eye and two days worth of stubble.  He picks up a piece of chalk and scratches a mark next to the previous one.

Ben: The way of the world: Let no good deed go unpunished. (Sighs)

Super: To Be Continued.

Roll Credits:  Theme: Stormy Monday Blues by Jethro Tull.

Makeovers:

Ben as Batman

Daria as Burnhilda in Wagner's Ring Cycle.

Jane as Whistler's Mother.

Quinn as one of the Littles.

Tom as a member of the Stargate: SG1 team.

Doug Thompson as Johnny Rotten.

Upchuck 's face on a rat caught in a mousetrap.

Sandi as Ilse Koch, the Bitch of Buchenwald.

Jake and Helen as Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette.

Daria Logo.

1. This is due to the events in Episode 1:04, Family Junk Bonds.

2. I really do have that sword.

3. What happened to Coach Sverin? That's a good question, but not one for the immediate future.

4. He's talking about events near the end of Is It Fall Yet?

5. As See Jane Run notes, she's not just the P.E. Teacher, she's the cheerleading coach.

6. See the end of Family Junk Bonds.

7. They got a new van since the events of that episode.

8. The first time occured during the events of I Loathe a Parade.