(Opening sequence. Music: "You're Standing On My Neck", Splendora1

Ms Li's office. Daria and Lynn looking at each other with identical looks of assessment and deadpan curiosity.

Cullen house, exterior. A small, thin redhead in a blue flack-jacket and black jeans drops to his knees and begins to salaam to Daria and Lynn, who are peering out an upstairs window.

LHS classroom. Daria, Jane and Lynn stand in a doorway, smirking. Jane carries a Polaroid camera.

Lane house, exterior. Daria, wearing a white peasant blouse, green half-corset, black skirt and black cloak with green satin lining [no glasses] stares in shock at Lynn, who wears an identical outfit bar the colour of the cloak lining and half-corset [purple] and an equally shocked look.

LHS corridor. Daria and Jane watched with bemusement as DeMartino drags a screaming Lynn past them by her ear.

LHS gymnasium. On a stage rigged at one end, Trent rams his guitar through a bass drum.

Science lab. The redhead, wearing safety goggles, pushes a button and ducks under the desk an instant before the model of Lawndale High that graces that desk blows up.

LHS corridor. Daria, Jane, Lynn and the redhead watch, smirking, as Ms Li is dragged down the hall handcuffed to a policeman. A camera crew whose equipment bears the Sick Sad World logo follows behind them.

Daria and Lynn side-by-side again, smirking slightly. As the original montage sequence, the camera pulls in and then out again to reveal two interlocking circles; one contains the Daria logo and the other contains a corresponding 'Lynn' version. Underneath are the words: "Daria in…"


A Daria Fan Fiction – 1:05 in the Look-Alike Series

(Scene: Jane's room. Music: Jane is pondering a blank canvas. Daria is rummaging through a shoebox full of CDs. Lynn's reading "Living With Your Attitude Problem: Why Everyone's Stupid But You" and going over sections with a purple highlighter pen.)

Daria: 'The Black Album'?

Jane: I don't know … it's a classic, but no matter how cool an album is, it loses its charm after the first three million times you hear it. (to Lynn) You're coming to my Halloween party, right?

Daria: 'Gish'?

Lynn: I refuse to listen to any Smashing Pumpkins album recorded before 'Siamese Dream'. Billy Corgan had NO standards then.

Jane: (impatient) So you're coming?

Daria: 'Portrait of an American Family'?

Lynn: (bored) I don't think I'm in the mood to perpetuate the "I am a cynical, depressed freak therefore I listen to Marilyn Manson" stereotype today. I swear, if I ever go postal, I'll do it dressed skin out in Tommy Hillfiger with the Spice Girls in my Walkman. (beat. to Jane) Sure. It's either that or watch Mom eat trick-or-treaters. (beat) You think I'm kidding.

Daria: Hey Jane, what happened to your Silverchair album?

Jane: 'Freakshow'? Trent's got it. (beat. evil smirk) Why don't YOU go get it, Daria?

Daria: One day, when you least expect it, I will gut you with your own palette knife. You'll be sorry, but it will be too late.

Jane: (smirk) I'll watch my back.

(Daria sighs & exits. There is a pause.)

Jane: (hesitant) Lynn?

Lynn: (not looking up from her book) If you believe my birth certificate.

Jane: Could you help me come up with an idea for a Halloween costume?

Lynn: (suspicious) What happened to your creative edge?

Jane: (shrug) Dulled through overuse.

Lynn: (more suspicious) Why me?

Jane: (shrug) You're creative, you're smart, you know a lot about the dark side of pop culture…

Lynn: (continuing the train of thought) I'm insane…

Jane: (grin) And great with it?

Lynn: (thinking the request over) Hmm…

(Scene: Trent's room. Trent sprawled out on his bed, asleep. The door's wide open, but Daria knocks anyway … then, when Trent doesn't stir, she hammers on the door.)

Trent: (still asleep & dreaming) Get away from me, man; I'm trying to KISS someone here! (wakes up) Huh? Oh, hey Daria. (sleepy grin)

Daria: (blush) Hey. Um … Jane sent me. She wants her Silverchair CD back.

Trent: Cool. (digs around on his floor for a few moments, then comes up with it & hands it over) Tell Janey I'm sorry about the bloodstain. Had a little accident with Jesse's guitar. Don't want to talk about it.

Daria: (confused) Um … okay. (beat) Thanks. (beat. thought VO) Okay, feet, we can move towards the door now. (beat) These boots were made for walking. (beat) MOVE, damn it!

Trent: Um … Daria?

Daria: (surprised) What?

Trent: Can I ask you about something?

(Furious blush from Daria)

(Scene: Jane's room. Jane & Lynn sitting on Jane's bed, Lynn scribbling into a notebook.)

Lynn: Okay; we've ruled out half my ideas because you want to show off your figure for a certain leather-clad guitarist. You and Daria are as bad as each other.

Jane: What about you and Max?2

Lynn: I don't make an idiot of myself for ANY man. Yet, anyway.

Jane: Yeah … well … don't rub it in.

Lynn: You won't do Morticia Addams or Elvira because you're as disgusted by the clichι as I am, and you won't go as a vestal virgin because of some bizarre prejudice about wearing white that you don't want to talk about. (beat) No wonder you can't think of anything.

Jane: (shrug) So, any other thoughts?

Lynn: (pause for thought) Well … you COULD go as Becky Bondage or someone...3

Jane: (stunned) WHO?

(Scene: Trent's room. Daria and Trent are sitting side-by-side on the bed, close but not touching.)

Trent: You know Mystik Spiral's doing a set for this Halloween party Janey's having…

Daria: (thought VO) SOE. Save our eardrums. (aloud) Cool.

Trent: Yeah, well, we want to go in matching costumes, but we don't want to anything trite and corny like go as the Beatles or something.

Daria: (aloud) Good thinking. (thought VO) Imagine the earthquakes caused by John Lennon spinning in his grave. (beat. aloud) You could go as the Three Musketeers.

Trent: (a bit confused) But there are four of us.

Daria: There weren't only three Musketeers. In fact, there were lots of them - they served France as the King's personal guard. And in the story, the Three Musketeers that were the main characters were joined by a fourth – D'artagnon.

Trent: Really? Cool. What about the other three?

Daria: There was Athos – he was a bitter, hard man because he was ever pining for the one true love that betrayed him … perhaps in practice for when she betrayed France years later. (beat as Trent does the laugh/cough thing) Porthos was known for his vast enjoyment of food and wine, and Aramis for his pursuit of anything wearing a skirt, a pretty face and impressive … um … (stops and blushes with embarrassment)

Trent: (rescuing her with a little grin) I get it. (beat) What about D'artagnon?

Daria: (thinks) Basically an overconfident kid with something to prove.

Trent: (nods) Cool. Thanks, Daria. You've really helped.

Daria: (blushing even harder; flustered) Yeah … um … yeah. See you. (exit)

(Trent watches her leave with a little grin on his face.)

(Scene: Jane's room. Jane's sketching a vague figure with angular hair wearing a really punk outfit.)

Jane: So I should go as a punk chick?

Lynn: Yeah, but a CASUAL punk chick. The leather-wear required for a Becky Bondage outfit is prohibitively expensive. You've got the hair for it anyway. Maybe spray-paint it a weird colour.

(Enter Daria, looking flustered and still blushing)

Jane: (teasing) Hey, Daria! How did it go? Or should I ask, how FAR did it go?

Daria: Go to Hell, Lane.

Jane: (casual) Been there, done that, didn't want me, sent me back. (beat) So what are YOU two wearing for Halloween?

Daria & Lynn: (in unison; shrug) I'll think of something.

(The look-alikes look at each other and shrug again. Then Daria puts the CD she's just recovered into the CD player and presses 'play'. As we move into our montage sequence, we hear 'Freak' by Silverchair.)

(Montage sequence. A Goth shop somewhere on Dega Street [there's got to be one!]. Daria's watching as a sales assistant puts a black velvet cloak with green satin lining into a bag for her. She walks out. Lynn emerges from a back room an instant later, carrying a black velvet cloak with purple satin lining.

Jane's boots protrude from under Trent's bed. She emerges holding a red T-shirt and a large pair of scissors. She grins evilly.

Trent, Jesse, Nick and Max are in a costume shop. Four boxes are stacked on the counter. The band's pooling their money, digging tattered bills and assorted change out of various pockets. The man behind the counter looks on in resigned annoyance.

Lynn comes out of a changing room booth wearing a long flowing black skirt and the kind of white peasant blouse that needs a half-corset over it. She surveys herself in the three-way mirror and then goes back in. Daria steps out of another changing booth … wearing the same get-up.

Clothes fly out of Jane's closet. She is obviously tearing up her own room now. The flying clothes stop, and then a rumpled Jane emerges, bearing a black leather miniskirt and wearing a triumphant smirk.

Trent pulls a last bill out of his pocket. His triumphant grin matches Jane's. The salesman looks relieved as each guy takes a box and all four leave the shop.

Daria is in what die-hard fans will recognise as 'Mall of the Millennium'. She ambles over to a shop called 'Leather and Lycra'. She peruses corsets, selecting a soft suede half-corset in forest green as the music fades and the montage sequence ends.)

END ACT 1 – ADVERTS [Lead-in: Lynn entering the changing booth and Daria exiting it seconds later in the identical outfit.]

(Scene: Still 'Leather and Lycra'. Daria is still picking out her corset as a VERY familiar voice shrieks:)

Quinn: What do you MEAN there's none with a British flag design? This is HALLOWEEN! I want everything about my costume to be PERFECT!

(Daria sighs and moves towards the cash registers, where Quinn is harassing a sales clerk – a 'cute' boy of perhaps 17. She's wearing her sunglasses and her hair tucked up in a baseball cap.4)

Quinn: Look, just see if you can find me one with sequins on it.

Sales Kid: (obviously infatuated) Of course! Right away! (sprints away. Daria shakes her head in disgust.)

Quinn: (finally noticing Daria) Oh, God, not YOU! That's ALL I need today! NOTHING'S going right!

Daria: (sigh) Don't worry, Quinn. I'm not here to check up, follow you around or cramp your style – for lack of a better word for how you are. I'll finish paying for this and then I will leave you to wallow in your own shallow world.

Quinn: What's THIS? (grabs half-corset from a VERY annoyed saleslady. incredulously) Daria! (smirk) What ARE you buying? And how do you think you'll get away with WEARING it? I mean, LOOK at you!

Daria: (steaming) A sequin-covered corset, Quinn? Don't they kick you out of the Fashion Club for such transgressions against your petty obsessions with Capri pants and anything bearing a designer label?

Quinn: (annoyed) SANDI'S making the whole CLUB go to the Lawndale Halloween Haunt as the Spice Girls. I told her they were OUT, but she wouldn't LISTEN and made me dress as Ginger Spice. (beat) Damn red hair.

Daria: Nothing a bottle of Clorox wouldn't fix. (takes her bag and change, turns to go but shoots over her shoulder) Hey Quinn … Ginger Spice isn't IN the Spice Girls anymore. (loaded pause) I wonder if Sandi's trying to tell you something.

(Daria leaves. Quinn looks worried and annoyed. Then the sales kid comes back, a devoted-puppy look in his eye.)

Sales Kid: I found your corset! And may I say how great I think it'll look on you! Most girls just don't have what it takes to wear sequins, but you … (kisses up at the sky) bella, bella!

(As usual, any flattery and all Quinn's worries go out the window.)

Quinn: Really? I'll take it!

(She holds up a credit card. As the sales kid does all that credit-card swiping malarkey, Quinn turns to look over the store's patrons and sees Lynn picking up a purple version of Daria's half-corset.)

Quinn: Oh, God, not AGAIN! (she hastily scrawls her signature on the transaction confirmation slip and, grabbing her shopping, dashes out again.) Geeks and brains, geeks and brains EVERYWHERE! I CAN'T TAKE IT!

(Lynn looks after her curiously for a moment, then just shrugs and goes forward to the cashiers.)

(Scene: "Sound By The Pound" in Mall of the Millennium. Music: "Colour Me Once" by the Violent Femmes. Daria's flipping through CDs. Lynn comes up beside her.)

Lynn: Hi, Daria. Pumping money into the music industry, I see.

Daria: And every other one. What else are teenagers good for in the eyes of the economy?

Lynn: Causing shrinkage in some cases. Making up for the shortfall caused by shrinkage in others. Creating a market for really stupid crap no one in their right mind would buy all around. (beat) So what'd you get?

Daria: (a little embarrassed) Stuff for my costume. You?

Lynn: (equally embarrassed) The same. (beat) See you, then.

Daria: Yeah.

Lynn: Yeah. See you. (exit)

Daria: I have a bad feeling about this.

(Scene: Quinn's room. Quinn is wearing the corset, a green Lycra miniskirt and a really stupid pair of strappy high heels. Music: "Wannabe" by [if you don't know, I won't tell you, as ignorance of this group is CERTAINLY bliss]. Quinn is trying to sing along – excruciatingly badly – and looking at herself from all angles as she did in her 'deep' outfit in "Quinn the Brain".)

Quinn: If you wanna be my lover… (tries a dance step and falls over.) Ow! God!

Daria: (OS) Um … Quinn?

(Quinn looks up. We pan up on Daria. She has not forsaken her boots but she looks stunning in the medieval vampire-style outfit. Once we get to her face, we see that she has not forsaken her glasses either.)

Quinn: (stunned to speechlessness) D … Daria?

Daria: (ignoring this reaction) I never thought it would come to this, and every fibre of my being rebels against doing it, but … (sigh) I need to borrow some of your makeup.

Quinn: (still too stunned to react) Sure. Help yourself.

(Daria picks a few things up from 'The Temple of Groom' while Quinn just stares, slack-jawed.)

Daria: I'll get the rest from your medicine cabinet. (beat) Um … thanks. (turns to go)

Quinn: (recovering) Of course, if you REALLY want to do that outfit justice, you'll HAVE to lose the glasses. I KNOW the contacts burn your eyes, but it's only for a few hours and anyway, beauty is pain! (beat) Oh, and then you'll HAVE to do something with your hair to properly frame your new face – and anyway, right now it looks so … so YOU and…

Daria: Ugh! (runs for the door)

Quinn: (imploring) Daria, WAIT! Let me HELP! Let me SAVE you from yourself!

(Scene: Morgendorffer bathroom. Daria has put on makeup and is about to put her glasses back on to survey the result properly. Then – scary thought – she hears Quinn's voice inside her head.)

Quinn: (thought VO) Of course, if you REALLY want to do that outfit justice, you'll HAVE to lose the glasses.

(Then, worse yet, she hears TRENT'S voice inside her head.)

Trent: (thought VO) Hey Daria! Looks good!5

(Daria sighs and opens the medicine cabinet. The contact lens case sitting there next to her lonely toothbrush on the bottom shelf seems to stare at her.)

(Scene: Cullen bathroom. Lynn, wearing her identical-to-Daria's-bar-colour outfit is bouncing a contact lens case up and down in her palm, contemplating using the lenses within grudgingly.)

Lynn: (sigh) Ah well. Pain is so VERY Goth. (beat) Here's glass and chemicals in your eye.

(Scene: Lane front door. We see a black cloaked figure ringing the doorbell without being sure which look-alike it is. Jane – who is wearing her faithful old boots, fishnet stockings and suspenders, black miniskirt, belt made out of old bullet casings, extremely shredded T-shirt held together with safety pins in places, more safety pins in her ears and red spray in her hair – opens it.)

Jane: (impressed) Wow, Daria!

Daria: (who it is. We see green) Love the shirt. Recent mauling?

Jane: (snide) Ha. Ha. Someone step on your glasses? (beat. mischievous) Or did you want to earn another 'looks good' from Trent?

Daria: (blushing – THAT hit a little close to home) I'll rip your earrings out one day, Lane. Just see if I don't.

(Jane grabs Daria's hand and bodily drags her into the house.)

(Scene: Lane living room. There are only a few people there, most of them older – Trent's friends, we assume. Mystik Spiral is setting up at one end of the living room. They are wearing Three Musketeers outfits.)

Daria: (surprised) Wow. They actually did it.

Jane: Well, Trent keeps going on about being Athos and pining away for some woman. (smirk) Wonder who he means.

(Daria blushes, and blushes harder when Jane yells at the band)


(Trent breaks off from the rest of the band and comes over.)

Trent: Hey Janey. Hey D-nrgh!

(The 'nrgh' comes when he gets a proper look at Daria. His eyes widen as he stares for a moment. Then, without another word, he wanders away. Daria looks rather perturbed by this turn of events.)

Jane: (bracing) Well, you made an impression anyway. (noting the expression on her friend's face) Hey, don't worry! 'Nrgh' is a GOOD thing.

(Daria is not convinced … but is saved by the ringing doorbell.)

Daria: I'll get it. It'll probably be my only chance tonight to show my face to someone who DIDN'T see that humiliating development.

(Scene: Lane front door. We see the door open and Daria looks out.)

Daria: Happy-crappy-Hallow … Oh, God…

(We now see Lynn standing there in her identical outfit. There is a rather long and extremely embarrassed silence.)

Lynn: (thought VO) Oh God, all I need to do now is to say "You are all individuals" and to have it parroted back at me by the people of Judea.6 (tentative) Great minds think alike?

Daria: (morose) It really can't get any worse.

Lynn: You should know better than to say that. The moment you insist it can't get any worse, some Groucho Marx of a God points at you and says, "Oh yeah?"

END ACT 2 – ADVERTS [Lead-in: Daria and Lynn facing off in their matching costumes.]

(Scene: Lawndale High gymnasium, where the Lawndale Halloween Haunt is in full swing. Music: "When the Lights Go Out" by Five. [It's so depressing that I know that.] There are the quintessential pumpkins and whatnot hanging everywhere. The Fashion Club stands by the punch bowl in their Spice Girls costumes. In case anyone cares, Sandi is Sporty Spice, Tiffany is Posh Spice, and Stacy is Baby Spice.)

Sandi: Of COURSE I'm not trying to get you out of the Fashion Club, QUINN. If you'd stop being so PARANOID, you'd realise that I was TRYING to use our natural ATTRIBUTES in our costumes.

Quinn: I realise that, Sandi, but…

(She's interrupted by Brittany's piercing shriek, which is directed at a luckless Kevin, who persists in wearing his football uniform. Brittany is dressed as Juliet.)

Brittany: You PROMISED me you'd come as ROMEO, you … you … non-truth teller!7

Kevin: (defensive) But BABE! (hushed) I SAW that costume. I would have had to wear TIGHTS! I mean, that's a little … twisted!

Brittany: THAT'S no excuse! MACK wore tights for JODIE! (waves an arm)

(We follow that arm to see Mack and Jodie standing side-by-side, looking VERY fed up with the whole thing. Mack's dressed as Robin Hood and Jodie is Maid Marion.)

Mack: (to Jodie) Jane's having a party. Want to crash?

Jodie: What I want is to go ANYWHERE away from here. (they turn and walk away.)

(Back to the Fashion Club, who are watching Kevin being pummelled by Brittany.)

Quinn: (serenely and wisely as Quinn being Quinn can manage) I don't think we should fight anymore, Sandi. See how EMBARRASSING it can be?

(Sandi glowers, but brightens when a good-looking blond boy in a Phantom of the Opera costume and mask wanders over to them.)

Sandi: (flirtatious) Well, HELLO.

Phantom: Good evening, ladies. (to Quinn) My dear Ginger vixen … are you here alone, or will I have to retain your affections over someone's dead body?

Quinn: (giggle) Well, I AM with my friends.

Phantom: Well, that's fine. I do so hate having to embarrass little boys. May I have the honour of this dance, dearest Ginger?

Quinn: (looking smitten) Okay…

(She is offered a hand. When she takes it, he kisses it and then spins her smoothly into his arms. Somehow, Quinn has managed to work out dancing in her silly shoes. Sandi glowers more as Quinn is guided deftly away onto the dance floor.)

(Scene: Lane bathroom. Music: "Mx" by the Deftones. Trent is staring at his reflection. He looks dazed and goofy but happy with it.)

Trent: Wow. That's no kid, no matter what age she is. (beat) Tonight. I'll tell her tonight. (beat) Now how the hell do I DO that?

(Scene: Lane living room. Music plays on. Jane is laughing at Lynn and Daria's matching costumes. Both glower at her, but their identical expressions of irritation only serve to amuse Jane further, thus making her laugh harder.)

(Scene: Trent's room. Trent pulls a six-pack of beer out of his closet. He grabs a can off the rings and opens it. He stares at it for a moment, deep in thought.)

Trent: "I've been watching you, you know." (beat. he takes a swig of beer.) Nah, that's lame. (swig) "Nice shoes, wanna…" (beat) Nope; that only works on net.goths.8 (swig)

(Scene: Lawndale Halloween Haunt. Music: "Wonderwall" by Oasis. Quinn still dancing with the Phantom.)

Quinn: You're SUCH a good dancer. (beat) Why won't you tell me your name?

Phantom: Unmasking at eleven, sweet Ginger. Have patience.

Quinn: But I can't BE here at eleven! I'll never know WHO you are if you don't tell me?

Phantom: You'll see me again, fair Ginger. Until then, let the mystery add to the excitement.

(Quinn looks a little confused but doesn't press the issue. They keep dancing.)

(Scene: Trent's room. Music: "Me vs. You" by Therapy? There are two empty beer cans lying on his floor. Trent is drinking his third.)

Trent: "Worship me!" (swig) Nah. (swig) "I keep all of my most important poems and drawings in this little book. And I'd like you to have it because they're mostly about you." (swig) I don't HAVE a book like that. (beat) I could give her that pizza box with those song lyrics on it … nah. (swig) "Although you seem content, you also seem quite alone over here. Can I interrupt your reverie?" (swig) But she'd probably say 'no'. (drains can, tosses can over his shoulder, opens a new one.) Damn, this is hard.

(Scene: Lawndale Halloween Haunt. Music: "When Two Become One" by the Spice Girls. Sandi glares, Tiffany looks blank and Stacy looks rapturously pleased as the Phantom dips a laughing Quinn.)

Stacy: Don't they make a cute couple?

Sandi: One more word out of you, Stacy, and you're on fashion sabbatical.

Stacy: Eep!

(We focus on Quinn and her Phantom Admirer.)

Quinn: (surprised that she's saying this to a guy and meaning it) You're wonderful!

Phantom: As are you, fair Ginger. I worship you, my vixen. Say you'll be mine.

Quinn: (taken aback) What, you mean like going steady?

Phantom: A crude term, but it will serve.

Quinn: I don't know … it's a big decision and I need time … can I tell you for sure when I find out your name?

Phantom: Do names matter so much to you?

Quinn: (slowly) No … it's just that I only just met you … so far as I know, anyway … and I don't want to rush into anything. Although I like you and everything.

Phantom: For a fair word from you, I would hold back Armageddon.

(Quinn sighs and beams as she leans her head on the Phantom's shoulder.)

(Scene: Trent's room. Music: "Something I Can Never Have" by Nine Inch Nails. Trent is on his last can of beer and is showing some of the effects.)

Trent: "How about you, me, some 20-year-old Scotch whiskey and some jumper cables?" (beat. swig) God, not for Daria. She'd hit me. (drains can, tosses can, reaches for new can and is surprised to find none there. He sighs and stands up.) This is it, man. Now or never. Eyes on the prize.9

(Trent ambles out of his room and goes downstairs. As he reaches the foot of the stairs, he sees a brunette with a black cloak move into the kitchen and out the back door. He follows.)

(Scene: Lane backyard. Music plays on. The brunette in the black cloak is standing in a line of light cast from the open back door. Trent's shadow falls on her.)

Trent: (quickly and loud) I'm falling in love with you, Daria.

(She wheels. Trent notices that she doesn't seem to have any fringe and her face is a different shape ... and then he sees the purple cape lining and half-corset and realises what's happened. His face takes on a rabbit-caught-in-headlights look before Lynn speaks.)

Lynn: Um … trick or treat?

Trent: Oh … crap.

(Trent turns, nearly falling over in his haste and semi-drunkenness, and runs back into the house. We hear footsteps pounding on the stairs and then the door to his room slamming. There is a respectful pause.)

Lynn: That would be 'trick', then.

(Jane's shadow – we can tell by the hair – falls over Lynn's face.)

Jane: Hey, have you seen Trent anywhere? The band wants to start and they can't play without him.

(Lynn seems to consider telling Jane what happened, then thinks better of it. She shrugs and brushes past Jane into the house.)

(Scene: Lawndale High School corridor. Daria, Jane and Lynn are hanging around Daria's locker as usual.)

Jane: So Trent got really blitzed and passed out before the party even started. That's not like him, but Jesse says he's depressed about not getting that decent gig over at Swedesville.10

Daria: Is he okay?

Jane: Kicking himself for drinking so much … when he's not puking his guts out, that is. That'll teach him.

Lynn: (raised eyebrows) I'm sure it will.

(Quinn and the rest of the Fashion Club wander by. Quinn is carrying a red rose.)

Quinn: And even though I couldn't give him an answer straight away, he said he understood and went away and then this morning there was this RED ROSE in my locker! I mean, how romantic is that?

Stacy: (dreamy) Oh, very. It couldn't have happened to a nicer person, Quinn.

Sandi: (nasty) I suppose that, now that you have a secret admirer or something, you think you're that much better than the rest of us.

Quinn: (actually meaning it) I don't think I'm better than you, Sandi. I just think I'm really lucky. I mean, here's this guy and he's really cute and really nice and has a really good way with words and he wants to go out with me. (sigh) I just wish I knew his name.

(Back to Daria, Jane and Lynn.)

Daria: Well, that tears it. Now that she's got a secret admirer, she'll be more insufferable than ever before. However hard that is for me to imagine. Wonder who he is, though.

Jane: (mocking) Jealous much? (beat; reassuringly) Don't worry; I'm sure someone out there admires you too … someone not unrelated to a certain artist and pizza fiend you know and love to hate. (smirk) Right, Lynn?

Lynn: (evasive) Maybe. I wouldn't be at ALL surprised.


1] New teasers for an old series. Fine, so I'm weird, but you knew that.

2] We get the impression that Lynn has a crush on Max Tyler in "A Meeting Of The Brains".

3] Becky Bondage is a punk singer from a band called Chaos UK. Extreme leather gear [hence the name], interesting voice, lots of … attitude.

4] This is Quinn's idea of going incognito, as seen in "Quinn The Brain".

5] He says this to her in "Through A Lens Darkly". From out of his car window. "Them Bones" was playing in the background. Why do I remember these things?

6] Paraphrasing Austin's Monty Python quote for this fic [from "The Life Of Brian", in case you didn't know.]

7] If you remember "Cafι Disaffecto", you remember that Kevin seems to have a problem with Shakespeare. Except Hamlet, because it has a skull in it. Peon.

8] Apparently, net.goths do fall for this line. You'd have to be a net.goth to understand why shoes, apparently. I'm not one – I just read the Goth chat-up lines.

9] Trent's comment concerning his career in "The Road Worrier".

10] We all remember Swedesville, don't we? It's where Alternapalooza was held in "The Road Worrier".


Daria and related characters owned by MTV, a Viacom company [created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis Lynn]. Lynn Cullen was created and is owned by Janet "Canadibrit" Neilson, copyright 1999, 2000. I've credited Monty Python in the endnotes and given all song titles with the names of the bands that played them. Don't sue me – it's not worth it. Feel free to archive this fic [tell me where it is, though, please] but if you want to use my character, ask first or I WILL pull a Lynn Cullen on you. And then I'll call lawyers.

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