THE YEAR OF THE CYNIC

A Daria/Kiss psycho circus crossover.

Based on "the year of the fox" written by Brian Holguin.

Story adaptation by Wouter Jaegers. wo.jaegers@planet.nl

It was just before winter, when the leaves had fallen from the trees and the
shadow had grown long that Daria found herself driving her father's Lexus
through the rough terrain close to the Rocky Mountains. The dust of the
curriculum battle she fought at the new university still clung to her, the
calling out of names when they received their passing grades still echoed in
her ears.

She carried with her the grade paper, eager to bring it to her family to show
them that she was capable of doing something right. And so she soared beneath
a stone gray sky.

Her principal told her that her points were above averidge and they also said
that she wasn't supposed to read the file until she reached home, Daria kept
her curiosity at bay and respected their decision. Only the information kept
in this file would either ensure victory or defeat over her old self. She rode
on until exhaustion overcame her. Soon it grew dark and she decided to spend
the night at the mountain, she made herself comfortable on the backseat of the
car and soon she was fast asleep.

And Daria slept.

And as she slept she dreamed.

And in the dream, there were foxes...

As everyone knows, travelers on the open road must be wary of foxes, for they
are cunning trickster spirits that dwell in the shadows of the night, who find
delight in making mischief for those foolish enough to cross their path.

It is said their appearance often marks the coming of a great tragedy...

...or the beginning of a great adventure.

It was a strange dream and it filled Daria with a deep feeling of unease, for
she knew that dreams were often a shadow of the future. Daria dismissed the
dream and drove on.

As the sun rose above the mountain tops, Daria reached a town, a town of which
she didn't knew the existence. The sight she beheld astounded her. Foxes every
where, Pretty girls and boys were walking down the streets and greeted her.
Daria couldn't believe her eyes. A woman in her thirties with flaming red hair
approached her.

Suzy: Good morning, weary traveler.

Daria: Who am I addressing?

Suzy: Suzanne, but you can call me Suzy.

Daria: Daria.

At first Daria was suspicious of this town full of people she usually avoided
at high school but she thought to take the better of it.

Daria: Where am I?

Suzy: Our town is called "Monroe's Ville" our founders named it after Marilyn
Monroe. A dedicated share of followers soon started to settle. I have met our
inspiration myself.

Daria: That can't be, Monroe has been dead for almost forty five years...

Suzy: (Perky) Has she? Well she looked quite alive when I met her.

It was at that moment that Daria realized that she stumbled across something
far stranger.

Suzy: Please come with me. You have had a rough night. Please accept our
hospitality.

Daria had often heard stories of cross-road spirits, magical beings who can
effortlessly move themselves through the mists of time. But she always
rejected them as nonsense, but now that she was about to encounter something
like that she figured she'd go along with the ride. Either to unmask these
people as fakes or to finally experience something genuine. Daria followed
Suzy down to what can only be described as the town's county office. Suzy took
Daria to the Lord Major's office. The Lord Mayor, a good looking woman who
appeared to be in her sixties greeted her.

Michelle: Ah, welcome Daria Morgendorffer. I was about to take a cup of
coffee. Would you like to join me?

Daria: How do you know my name? I didn't tell you.

Michelle: Didn't you? Well then I couldn't possibly know, could I? Forgive me
my manners. I am Michelle Johnson, founder and Lord mayor of this town. Please
sit down.

Daria: Thank you Ma'am. But I can't stay. I have important business to attend
to.

Daria quickly hid the certificate in her jacket.

Michelle: Ah, yes... Young people are always in a hurry. And what is it that
is from great importance?

Daria: I'm sorry but that is personal.

Michelle: I'm fine with that. Shall we drink?

Daria gladly accepted a cup of coffee.

Daria: I'm sorry if you feel offended by my decision not to tell you about my
mission, but I have my reasons.

Michelle: Then it's my position to accept these reasons. By the way how is
your coffee?

Daria: Better than any coffee I have ever tasted before.

Michelle: Our High school is having a play tonight, care to attend?

Daria: I wish I could but I'm really in a hurry.

Michelle: Would you really want to go in this weather?

Daria looked around and was astound by the sight of a blizzard.

Daria: (Deadpan) Well it seems that fate has put me here.

And so she found herself sitting in a fifties style theatre as the sole member
of the audience who did not came from the town. The Story was announced as the
story of the elder, four being that embody all. Daria was surprised at the
depth of the topic chosen by these shallow looking people. The band started
their overture it was a song about sealing an oath and about wondering if they
were worth all this power. Daria slowly slipped into a deep trance as the
first player came on stage. A girl wearing make up that showed two stars
around her eyes who were joined at her nose showed up on stage. She was
announced as the celestial, the god of the cosmic balance, the one who ruled
all reality. She looked at Daria with piercing eyes and started a dance that
resembled space travel. She then bowed and let the next player come on stage.
A girl with feline like make up showed up on stage. She was announced as the
beast ruler. Big cat whiskers and cat eyes painted on her face, she growled
and walked around the stage in a stalking manner. She was the ruler of all
that's primal in our being. The second player gave way for the third. A girl
dressed up as the starbearer, the ruler of emotions came on. A big black star
on her right eye and ruby red lips showed of her character. She was the ruler
of tenderness and rage. Daria watched the spectacle while still going deeper
in a trance. Finally the last one appeared. A girl with kabuki like figures
around her eyes appeared looking demonic and dangerous. Her role was that of
the Demon, ruler of everything evil but also of the resistance against evil.
As the play came to an end Daria felt herself being picked up and leaving
reality. She saw the players opening the robe and the world went black. When
her eyesight came on again she found herself in the halls of a high school
building.


She found herself in a long Hallway that both resembled the hallways of
Highland High and Lawndale High. There were no doors and the lockers seemed to
go on forever. At the very end of the corridor she saw a door, "Auditorium" it
read. And when Daria entered she found herself in the middle of a fight
between hundreds of cheerleaders wearing both the Highland school colors and
the Lawndale school colors. Daria fought her way through but was hit twice, a
Highland cheerleader pulled out a lock of her hair and a Lawndale cheerleader
scarred her face with her razor sharp nails. Finally she reached the door to
the exit and pushed her way through entering another hallway. She wiped off
the blood streaming from her cuts and continued walking. Finally another door
appeared, but this was different. A tall female figure stood guarding it. The
figure looked at Daria and revealed her face. She was the starbearer.

Star: Who goes there?

Daria: (Sarcastic) Greetings oh noble Goddess, creature of the night. I am
Daria Morgendorffer and I humbly ask you permission to cross through your
domain.

Starbearer: (Cocking an eyebrow) Do you have anything to offer?

Daria: Nothing at all.

Starbearer: Your scroll?

Daria: I can't, my future counts on the judgements that it states.

Starbearer: Your boots?

Daria: Again, I can't. These boots are protective and are almost part of my
body. I can't afford to lose them.

The Starbearer nodded and smiled.

Starbearer: Very well I notice that you are a woman of principle and
judgement. You will have to go through four tests that will lead you to your
true self. You may now enter the first.

She stepped aside and let Daria through. When Daria entered everything shifted
and she found herself in a beautiful landscape. The kind you'll find in the
movie "The sound of music". Daria couldn't help it but to enjoy the peace it
breathed out. It was a welcome relieve after that cheerleader battle. Suddenly
she noticed someone near her.

Trent: Daria?

Daria: Trent?

Trent Lane, the guy she had a crush on ever since they've met walked up to
her.

Trent: Long time no see, how have you been?

Daria: I'll tell you all about it...

Trent: Later.

They kissed, talked, reminiced about days gone by and loved each other for
what seemed to be days. Daria never had felt so happy.

Trent: Stay with me Daria, you are happy here. We could start our own future
here with a happy family and all.

Daria: Yes that would be wonderful...(But suddenly reality dawned up upon
her.) No, I can't. I first have to finish my duty and bring my grades home. It
will have to wait.

Trent: I understand.

Daria: Come with me.

Trent: I can't, I must stay here. But I'll be waiting for you.

Trent removed a ring from one of his fingers and handed it to her.

Trent: Here take this with you, it will guide you trough the next phases.

Daria and Trent kissed one last time and Trent faded away. Daria felt very sad
but knew she had done the right thing. It was at that moment that the
Starbearer appeared to her again.

Starbearer: Very good, you have set your priorities as a college student above
your desires as a woman. You have hereby passed the first test.

Daria: But please tell me, what would have happened if I had chosen to stay?

Starbearer: You would have been living a happy life with Trent for the rest of
your lives.

Daria swallowed as she readied herself for the next test.

Starbearer: Go on with my blessing Daria, you have chosen wisely. And be care
full, the next test is one of the hardest.

Daria walked on through the school hallways until she reached another door.
"Physical education" it read.

Daria: Great my least favorite class.

She entered, and found herself in the dressing room when the next guardian
appeared. A big monster wearing football attire walked up to her.

Demon: FAH! WHO DARES IT TO TRESSPASS IN MY DOMAIN?!

Daria: Daria Morgendorffer, pleased to meet you.

Demon: A little butterfly I see. But a brave butterfly, since you have passed
the first test.

Daria: And I take it that you will take me through the second.

Demon: You will have to go through all that you despise but you mustn't let it
get to you.

As Daria entered his domain she calmly thought that this shouldn't be too hard
but suddenly the fashion club appeared and started a makeover on her.

Sandi: Hi Quinn's cousin or what ever.

Stacy: We are going to make you look cute.

Tiffany: Yeah.

Daria walked on while they stared putting make up on her face and ripping her
clothes off to give her fashionable ones. And suddenly Upchuck appeared.

Upchuck: DAAAAHRRREEEEEEAAAAAAH, let me guide you and let me kiss you.

Daria felt the urge to throw them all off but steadily walked on. Upchuck
grabbed her face and started to French her.

Upchuck: Was it as good for you as it was for me?

Daria kept silent.

And then an all too familiar laughter came from behind her.

Beavis: Hm heh heh heh hey Butt-Head look, those fashion sluts have taken off
Diarrhea's underwear.

Butt-Head: Cool she's naked Uh huh huh huh. Let's score with her.

Daria nearly lost it when they started to reach for her breasts and public
area but managed to keep her cool.

Quinn appeared.

Quinn: Daria can you finish my homework for me? Because a loser like you has
nothing to do on school nights anyway and I have three dates tonight and Mom
already gave me another curfew...

Daria did her best to keep it cool but she couldn't help it but to let out a
long groan. And Kevin and Brittany appeared.

Kevin: Whoa Daria, you look better without clothes then Brittany.

Brittany: Oh yeah, then I guess I will have to change that!

Brittany came up to her and pummeled Daria while Upchuck still tried to kiss
her, Beavis and Butt-Head tried to do it with her and the fashion club did
their best to get the make over complete. Finally the door appeared and the
commotion around her faded away. But it wasn't over yet, a bright flash
blinded her and when she looked up again she saw Jane standing with a Polaroid
camera.

Jane: Ooh I bet that Trent loved too see this picture!

Daria couldn't bear it anymore, she'd been humiliated, touched indecently,
pummeled, made fun off and now her best friend was about to betray her?

Daria: Why you!

But suddenly she calmed down again, remembering the words of the Demon.

Daria: Go ahead, it won't be a big deal since Trent already knows how I look.

Jane vanished and the Demon appeared in her place.

Demon: Hahaha, you have given me fine sport little butterfly. Fine sport
indeed and I thank you. You've resisted your own lust and your own hate. Go
with my blessing little butterfly, you have deserved it.

As Daria stepped out of the room, her wounds all healed and her clothing
re-appeared.

Daria: I wonder what the next will have in stall for me.

She walked until another door appeared, when she entered she found herself in
a tropical rainforest. A tall and muscular man appeared. His feline mask
showing who he was, the king of beasts himself. Daria couldn't help it but to
be in awe of so much majesty.

Beast king: Who is it that visits my kingdom, name yourself.

Daria: Daria Morgendorffer, who kindly asks your permission to go through the
test you have in stall for me.

Beast king: Very well, you must enter that cave over there. But whatever
happens don't cry out.

Daria gulped at hearing that but agreed. The beast king pointed at her glasses
and file and told her to leave them at a big boulder outside the cave where
she could easily retrieve them after the test.

Daria walked in bracing herself for the things that awaited her. She saw tiny
lights shining upon her, like little emeralds they reflected the light coming
from the entrance. And suddenly they were all over her. Cats hundreds of them,
biting her and slicing her skin and clothes with their razor sharp claws.
Daria groaned in pain but didn't cry out. When the ordeal was over she dragged
her battered body against the wall and rose again. But something had changed,
as she stepped out of the cave and breathed in the fresh air, she smelled a
dozen new fragances. The air seemed more alive. And when she looked up she saw
it all, cat's eyes vision. The cuts on her skin were replaced with tiger
stripes. She roared and the cats around her responded. She ran with cheetahs,
hunted with Lions, stalked prey with tigers and slept in trees with panthers.

Many months had passed and Daria lived happily with her fellow felines and
didn't think about her mission at all.

But it was a week later when it happened. She was stalking prey when she came
across the boulder with her glasses and files. Curiously she looked at it and
smelled her own fragance coming off of them. She picked up her glasses and put
them on. And at that moment her humanity returned, Daria realized that she'd
stayed off too long and had to get going. After clothing herself with the rags
that once were her clothes she walked on. The Beast king appeared again.

Beast king: Are you leaving my kingdom?

Daria: I enjoyed my stay and I thank you for your hospitality but I have a
duty to fulfill.

Beast king: Your true duty is the one to yourself. If you must go then go with
my blessing and please don't let the part of you that was born here die.

Daria: I will come again your majesty.

It was with great sadness that Daria left the animal kingdom.

As soon as she walked out the door her clothing reappeared and her watch told
her it was still the same night. The hallway lead to a stairway and to her
next challenge. Determent to succeed she started to climb the stairs that
seemed to go on forever. And as she finally reached the top she saw a door.
"Library" it read. Nothing could have prepared her for the sight she beheld as
she walked in. Millions of books as far as she could see and in the middle of
it all sat the Celestial, watcher of the cosmic balance, observer of all
reality. She looked up to Daria and smiled.

Daria: (In upper awe) Greetings oh great Celestial, it is a great honor
meeting you.

Celestial: Welcome in my realm noble child.

Daria: Can I ask a question?

Celestial: Of course.

Daria: I've seen so many things and have learned a lot of things while meeting
the other members of "The elder" but was it all real, did I really did the
things the tests told me to, or is this all a dream?

Celestial: There is no difference my child. Dreams and reality are both sides
of the same coin. Just as life and death and sanity and insanity are. Behold.

The Celestial showed her a portal.

Celsetial: This portal shows the life of your sister Quinn including all the
possibilities that may occur in the future. This is Quinn if she doesn't slow
down.

The portal showed Quinn in her late twenties sitting in a room dressed in
lingerie and looking seductively at people passing by.

Daria: Quinn, a Hooker?

Celestial: The popularity game eventually drove her to this. But this is how
her future would look as she would slow down and get to know some people.

The portal showed Quinn the way that Daria portrayed her in the story she
wrote for Mr O'Neill.

Celestial: Without change there cannot be movement. And people who don't
change, can never move on.

Daria: Amen to that.

Celestial: The challenge that awaits you will take you along a path that is
decisive for your future. You can stay here and be the master of your own
destiny or you can go back to the mortal world and live a life that will be
full of pain and disappointments. Chose wisely.

Daria looked at herself and at the many futures that lay in front of her, she
could be a mother, a writer, a doctor... But she suddenly felt what's really
important coming up inside her and made her decision.

Daria: I thank you for your generous offer lady Celestial but I must refuse,
My heart says that my mission is from far greater importance.

Celestial: Than you cannot chose wrongly. Take with you the lessons we've
learned you and fulfill your mission.

Daria walked through a door and found herself back in the theatre but everyone
was gone. When Daria walked over to her car she noticed that the streets were
empty. The whole town was deserted. Daria started her car and drove off but
after a couple of minutes she found herself entering it again.

Daria: What the...?

Daria drove off again, this time into another direction but the result stayed
the same. Suddenly she heard mocking laughter coming from behind her, looking
over she saw the Lord mayor and hundreds of foxes staring at her.

Mayor: You foolish girl, what made you think that we would let you go after
you've seen so much of us? You are one of us now, enjoy your stay.

And before Daria's stunned look the Mayor changed into a fox and lead the pack
away from her.

At first Daria panicked but then she started to understand the meaning of the
words the Celestial spoke to her. And she knew what she had to do.

Daria entered some shops and brought together what she needed for her plan to
succeed, and began her work. She took off her old clothes and took a shower,
after that, she brushed up her hair and made it all bouncy. She had learned
the lessons that the Elder taught her very well. She then began dressing in
new clothes that truly showed off the feminine beauty she kept hidden for all
those years. As her makeover was progressing, she felt how the gods of the
Elder smiled down upon her. After replacing her old glasses with a smaller
pair she hopped into her car and drove off. There cannot be progress if the
people don't change. They made their point and Daria thanked them for teaching
her, for she now knew that the foxes lost their power over her.

For the only way to outsmart a fox is to become the fox.

Daria looked in the rearview mirror and admired her new self, she knew that
changing herself would change others too. Quinn, for instance would be
behaving friendlier towards her, Trent who knew her inner beauty would find an
added dimension on her and Jane would open up to others more and would be
socializing more. It was tough to make the choice but she was glad that she
made it.

Back in Lawndale her family was delighted to see her after all those months in
college. Her good looks were equaled by her performance and that set the
foundation for what Daria knew would be the best future she could chose.

The gods of the Elder smiled in agreement.

THE END