*ring* ... *ring* ..

Hello.

Hi! My favorite niece! This is my favorite niece, right?

Relax! Of course you're my favorite niece! Just my little way of throwing people off guard.

I know. So what can I do for you?

Anytime. I take it you've already tried talking to your parents?

Never. What's on your mind.

Oh, one of those problems. Is he cute?

Okay, okay, just kidding. I'm all ears.

Start at the beginning.

Fine.

Sounds expensive.

The neon lighting and the smell of boiling fat don't help the mood. Or the idiots that work there.

Maybe it was just an unlucky coincidence?

So what did she do?

Your sister said something stupid about you in front of friends. I know how that feels. I grew up with your mother, remember? Doesn't sound like that was enough to wreck your date.

What else did she do?

You left the bathroom?

With your date just sitting there?

Why?

About what?

None of us do.

No it doesn't. Let me tell you about siblings.

Let's speak in hypotheticals. Bear with me, okay? We'll talk about two other sisters.

You called me, remember?

Don't worry. I'm not going to say anything stupid or embarrassing like your mom would. Deal?

Alright. The mythical sisters, then. One of them is popular. One of them is a brain. Are you following me?

Let's look at things from the popular girl's perspective. She has date after date, relationship after relationship. It comes easy to her. But the brain is different. She doesn't want to be popular. So if she gets interested in a relationship it's usually for different reasons, right? Do you think the popular girl understands this? She knows her relationships are shallow ... usually, anyway. But to her they're important. Does she know why her brainy sister does the things she does?

But the brain sees her popular sister. And she sees confidence. Confidence in a field where she has a lot of self-doubt. Is that possible?

Self-doubt can turn into bitterness and jealousy as well. She sees her confident sister and doubts herself. Isn't it possible that the brain is jealous of her popular sister?

But it's possible?

And think. That means that the popular one could be jealous of the brain as well, right?

The brain limits her relationships. On one hand, she has less experience. On the other hand, she only has a relationship if it’s really got something special going for it. It's hard not to be jealous of that.

If you're looking for "love" odds are you aren't going to find it. Especially not at your age. One of society's myths is that love happens all at once ... eyes meet, lips meet, romance blossoms, all that nonsense. It happens, sure, but it's unreliable and usually transient. Don't spend so much time worrying about it. The real kind of love, the kind of love you're worrying about, doesn't happen that way. It can take years to develop. It certainly isn't created or destroyed on the first date. What you're thinking of is vegetable love.

Vegetable love. No, I'm not crazy, it's from a poem I read in college. Hang on a second, I'll find it for you ... just a sec ... I have got to organize this bookshelf ... okay, here it is. It's by Andrew Marvell, from "To His Coy Mistress."

"My vegetable love should grow; Vaster than empires, and more slow; For, Lady, you deserve this state; Nor would I love at lower rate."

You get that?

It might take your whole life. So it's no use moaning about it. But my point is that vegetable love takes so long because of what it means and represents: a true devotion that will last you your whole life.

No, you can't. That's why it's so important not to shrink from the world right now. You have to start building somewhere if you ever expect to reach the top. And don't get so concerned about having a meaningful relationship with every guy you date that you stop having fun. Trust me ... you do not want to build a relationship that way. I had to find that out by trial and error. Well ... and watching my sisters go all to pieces.

Good. And go easy on your sister, okay? She's struggling too, whether you know it or not.

Goodnight, Quinn.

*click*

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This is the part where I take advantage of my authorship to insert my personal views on this unusual fanfic. I’ll start with the (hopefully by now) obvious. You were supposed to be fooled into thinking that it was Daria on the phone. See, this fic was intended to make you stop and think. About Daria and Quinn. About Aunt Amy. Agree or disagree, this fic was designed to shake up a few conventions.

CONVENTION #1: Daria always gets Aunt Amy’s advice, which makes everything all better. Well why not Quinn? She’s got problems too! Serious ones!

CONVENTION #2: Quinn is completely shallow. Okay ... I know, this is NOT a popular convention. As most of us have discerned by now, Quinn is not a total loss. She could probably be as smart as Daria if she put her mind to it ... in the same way Daria could be just as popular as Quinn ... if she wanted to. It’s a choice, and it’s a choice she’s aware of.

CONVENTION #3: Daria completely despises everything Quinn and vice versa. I say that wherever there are siblings there will be sibling rivalry. Every sibling will posses attributes the other desires, whether they consciously realize this or not. There are no 100% absolutes ... everyone has insecurities. Daria and Quinn should be no exception.

So anyway ... my point is, DOES Quinn ever think about the direction her life is taking relationship-wise? I think it’s a given that all Daria’s tormenting can’t help but hit the mark eventually. Who would Quinn turn to if she ever experienced self-doubt? Her sister? The probable cause for it? Nah. Helen or Jake? Well, given their previous attempts at family counseling .... So who does that leave? Quinn’s friends? Yeah! Like she’d lay herself wide open to them! And, as we established, she doesn’t have a man in her life she actually trusts or cares about. She’s gone to Jane for help in the past, but that might be hitting to close to her sister in this case. I see Aunt Amy as a logical choice for a sympathetic ear.

Trying to express this in writing, however ... it presented some unusual challenges. Would it force me to compromise the story? You, the objective reader, will have to decide. See, in order for my idea to work I had to tweak a few things. First I had to replace every instance where I would have used "Daria" with "my sister" or "sibling" or just "her". The suspicious reader would start wondering there. Second, I had to bank on the theory that the reader would assume "Daria". I threw in the decoy reference to dating "a friend’s older brother" (which Quinn has surely done) to reinforce this.

Thirdly, I had to make sure that every line of Quinn’s was something she could conceivably say, without sounding like something Daria wouldn’t say. I tried to do this without sacrificing any of her character. Consequently, not everything Quinn says is in her usual thoughtless tone. Hope that didn’t ruin it for anybody.

I was originally going to title this story "Vegetable Love", from the poem, but decided to reserve that title for a later story I’m working on (so hands off!) The new title refers to how a single thing in the present can affect one’s entire perception of the past.

Feel free to e-mail me at *DELETED* if you have any thoughts on the subject, or this fic.

Oh ... wait! You were expecting apologies at the end of this segment, weren’t you? Um ... okay. I’m sorry this segment didn’t live up to your expectations ;-)

10/6/99