"The Invisible Beyond" by Wesley Willis This is my 11th story. So, what have I been doing? Coping with the tragedy, grants to everyone that died, our prayers go out to y'all, a'ight? Prescript: This is a parody of Daria and the CBS series The King of Queens, Doug learns that he is fat and has broken up with his wife, Carrie, and now has to go find somebody that can help him cope with his...ummm ...girth(Whoo, good luck!). This story is dedicated to Coach Jeff Johnson, my "guy" friend and whom I still have love for. One love, Jeff. Scene 1: Saturday at 8:00 A.M. Queens, NY. Doug has just broken up with his wife. He is in his early 30's and your usual happy guy(like you, Coach) and he is also fat and in the kitchen of his house. Doug: (sighs) Well, the best thing to do is find a friend who will help. {Arthur, his wife's father, about in his 60's, comes down the stairs, Doug does not hear him, so he continues to talk} Doug: And tell me that the tragic reality of me being fat is true. Arthur:(yells) Son! [Audience laughs] {Doug walks into the living room} Doug: Yes, father? Arthur: Why don't you go to this place called Lawndale, [opens newspaper to read] you'll find a friend. Doug: I'll try. Arthur: Good, [closes newspaper] and can you bring something back? Doug: Yes, what? Arthur:(yells) I don't know, something! [Audience laughs] Doug: Ok, ok. I'll go... Arthur: Yes! Doug: ...and I'll find someone that can help me through all this...stuff... Arthur: Yes! Doug: ...and I'll be back, with confidence and a life. Arthur: [pause] I don't know what you just said, but ok. [Audience laughs] Doug: I've got to go and pack. Arthur(in his best Wesley Willis voice): All right, go do your biz, and i'll chizzle(see you) later. Doug: What? Breaktime Scene #1: In the audience... Enoc(my very funny and Mexican friend): What da crap?! Are you deaf!? I'll kick yo butt! [imitates gun loading and firing and gives Doug the finger] Me: Yeah, ya fat retard! Enoc: Slap him (in the face), Wes, and say,"Ya fat doofus!" Me: Hey Enoc, who do you think would win a punch fight between him and you? Enoc: Me! Me: Ahh, Enoc, You are so full of yourself, aren't cha? Enoc: [thinks] Yeaaaaah! Me: Anyway, we're sorry, continue. {end of BS} Doug: Thank you, Wes. Scene #2: The same day at 3:00 P.M., Lawndale, CA. Doug is in Lawndale Commons and he bumps into the terrible, yet beautiful Fashion Club. Doug: Oh, i'm sorry. Sandy: I'm sorry, too. {Doug exits.} Sandy: That was so, like, rude. Tiffany: Reallyyyyyyyyyy! Stacy: And guys, he was FAT!! {FC groans} Quinn: He is worse than my sister! {FC groans again} FC: He's probably a New Yorker or something. {Back to Doug} Doug: Locals! She was nice. {Jake comes in} Jake: Hey! Doug: Hey. My name's Doug Heffernan, from Queens, NY. Jake: Jake Morgendorffer, you know that girl with the pink shirt that you just bumped into? That's one of my two daughters, Quinn. Doug: Who's the other one? Jake: Umm, her name's Daria, she's really smart for her age of 17. Doug: Maybe she can help me. Jake: You sorta do need help, what's the problem? Doug: I just broke up with the wife because of my umm...obesity. Jake: Ahh, that's kinda bad. Well, you're in good luck, she knows all about depressing stuff. Hey, I'll take you to my place and introduce you to everyone! Doug: Wow, thanks. {At the Morgendorffer place, Doug is in the dining room, eating (What else? Lasagna!), with the Morgendorffers and sitting next to the heroine, Daria} Quinn: What's he doing here!? Helen: He's on vacation because he's broken up with his wife until he can get his ummm...obestiy under control. Right, Doug? Doug: Yes. So Daria, your father says you can help me with it. Can you? Daria: Well, I'll try to help. Helen: Good, Daria. Quinn: Why don't I be like Daria? Why am I always so self-absorbed? Why Mom, Why[sobs and leaves]!!! Jake: Well, we're finished talking about us, what do you do, Doug? Doug: I'm a delivery guy from IPS, it's kinda like UPS. Daria: Now I know I should help you. {doorbell rings} Daria: I'll get it, it's probably Jane. Doug: Jane? Daria: I'll introduce you to her. {"Low Self Opinion" by Rollins Band playing, in case you don't know the lyrics, here are some of them:} Your wall falls down around you You build up walls around you You wear this dust like a crown Oh, yeah... {Daria opens the door} Jane: Yo. (looks at Doug) Yo, to you too. (to Daria) What's his name? Daria: Doug Heffernan, from Queens. Jane: New Yorker, eh? How do you do, Jane Lane. Doug: That rhymes, funny. Well, Daria, in 3 weeks, helped Doug get back to the important things like his wife. He did manage to get somethings back from his trip, confidence, a life and a t-shirt that says "I Love LA." The End You can: E-mail me at wesleyquai@yahoo.com with suggestions for my next story or comments about this one and my ten other fanfics. Dedication Script: So, I still like you, Jeff, and this was the only good way to do one of my fanfics and say it to the whole world that I still want to be your friend. And thanks, Jeff, for saying that I'm a good man. Bye, for now. ===== Story by Wesley Willis