The Big Wedding
By Lymon Moneychanger (a.k.a. Brother Grimace)
(NOTE: This was an experimental piece – not in the writing (as one can CERTAINLY tell!) but in something that Kara Wild had spoken about at length... that badly-written and –scripted fanfics get more feedback than the good ones. My God, was she on the ball; go to fanfiction.net for yourself and read some of the responses after this fic was posted. Hell, I even got a death threat for this one (and I didn't even get THAT after 'The Winters Of Those Gone Before' hit the Web)! Oh, well... at least I had fun with some of the responses, as well as seeing how badly I could make this suck. My favorite moment has to be the end, when Trent dumps Daria; I knew that moment was a winner when I could taste bile and rancid, rotting flesh in my mouth. Anyway, have fun reading it!)
It was finally here!
Daria Morgandorffer looked at herself in the full length mirror, and her big brown eyes shone with eternal happiness as she saw herself in the huge satin and lace wedding dress, knowing that her dear heart, her one and only true love, would be so happy to see her in a few minutes when they got married.
'This is how Princess Diana must have felt when she married her prince', Daria said to herself, and she spun around like Wonder Woman to see the dress blow in the wind like a big, white, fluffy cloud. 'Oh, this is so pretty.'
'It is pretty,' Jane Lane, Daria's best friend and the best artist at Lawndale High said, drawing on a big artist-type book of blank sheets of paper a picture of Daria in her wedding dress. "I'm so happy that you and my brother are finally getting married!'
'You were right and I was wrong about Trent all of this time', Daria said. 'I can't believe that I let him go and just wanted to be friends with him while I went and was that Rich boy Tom Sloane's girlfriend for a while, because he was boring and we just sat around and all he wanted was to try to get me to go over to his house and take off our clothes and have sex with him. As if!'
'He wanted to try and have sex with me, too,' Jane said as she drew on her paper with a paintbrush. "I'm glad that I didn't - and I'm glad that we're still friends, too'
'I'm glad that you talked to Trent for me, so he'll come to school with me and take classes in the music school,' Daria said. 'Mom and Dad were so nice to pay for him to go to school with me because we're going to be married - oh, I just love Trent so much that I stay awake all of the time at night thinking about how much I love him!'
'And we're going to be sisters,' Jane said, and she got up and hugged Daria. "I love you, 'Daria!"
"And I love you, too, Jane!"
'Daria - there's somebody here to see you'. Helen Morgandorffer said, wearing a pink lawyer suit for the wedding when she opened the door to let Quinn, Daria's sister, and the other three members of the Lawndale High School Fashion Club came in.
"Daria, you look so beautiful!' Tiffany, the Chinese girl, said as she ran over and hugged Daria and then Jane. I hope that I look like this when I get married!'
"And we brought you stuff that you're, like, supposed to have when you get married, Quinn's cousin, or sister, or whatever,' Sandi Griffin, the President of the Fashion Club said. 'Here's, like, some blue jeans, because you're supposed to have something blue when you get married.'
"But Sandi', Quinn Morgandorffer, Daria's younger and pretty sister with red hair and perfect skin said, taking the blue jeans away, 'where can she wear them because she can't wear them with her wedding dress?'
"I know that, so she can wear them after she gets married and goes on her honeymoon!"
Stacy, the shy one, started to cry. "I wish I was getting married, but no boy wants to marry me!'
Quinn handed a little box to Daria ' I got you something new - these are new earrings!'
Helen, who is Daria's mother, told her to come here, because she had something old to give her. 'This is something old, ' she said, sounding like she was really rich as she talked. 'This is my grandmother's grandmother's grandmother's grandmother's ring, and it's really old and real expensive, so don't lose it!'
Tiffany said real slow like she always does, 'You. can. borrow. my. lipstick. Quinn's. cousin. for. when. you.get. married. today.'
Helen said, "Come on, everybody. We all have to go outside so Daria and Trent can get married!'
And they all went downstairs in the back yard, where it looked like a big wedding, with flowers all over, and lots of chairs for all the guests because everybody at Lawndale High School that Daria and Trent knew came like the football team and Mack Daddy and Jodie and Brittany and Kevin Thomphson the QB and all of the teachers and Mrs. Li the principal came too.
Daria had a big white wedding veil down over her face as her father held her hand and took her up to Trent as Mystic Spiral played wedding music, and as the preacher was starting to talk, Tom Sloane came running into the back yard and said, 'You can't marry him, Daria! I love you!'
"Well, I don't want to marry you, because I love trent and I've always loved him even when I was going out with you so you should go away because I'm going to marry Trent!"
That's when Daria's father got really mad, like he does whenever he talks about his father the mad dog guy, and he raised up his hands and pointed at Tom and yelled 'Sic 'em!' - and all of the doves that they were going to let go after Daria and Trent got married flew out of their cages and chased Tom away, pecking at him and dropping bird mess all over him before they flew back do they could let them go when Daria and Trent got married.
The preacher asked Daria, do you want to marry Trent? And Daria said yes, and then the preacher turned to Trent and asked him if he wanted to marry daria and he said no, I don't want to marry Daria!"
Daria looked at Trent as all of the people started talking, and she said "But I thought you wanted to marry me, and we could be married, and because you loved me!'
"I don't want you, Daria,' Trent said, a evil smile on his face. 'Why should I get married when I can be a musician and have Monique whenever I want to? I don't want people to call me Mister Misery Chick!'
Trent ran off, and Daria fell down and started to cry as it started to rain, like the sky and the whole planet was sad for Daria too.
23 November 2002