TAKING A PAGE FROM A QUEEN by Mitch wells17@gte.net DARIA is owned by MTV Networks. Created by Glen Eichler. Used without permission. FOXTROT is created and owned by Bill Amend. Used without permission. Much thanks to C. E. Forman for suggestions. Everyone knew her and every boy loved her. That was what people had in mind when they saw her. Her hair flowing in the wind, her clothes, her smooth attitude, those were her trademarks. Boys would fight over her, people would stare, and she would take it in stride. She was a freshman and new to the school, but that didn't matter, she was popular overnight. If one would ask anyone, they would know her name...Paige Fox. *** At least, that's what her subconscious mind told her. In reality, Paige was an underappricated freshman in high school who's only fashions came from magazines. Her more conscious mind was pondering this as she lay in bed as the sunlight came through her window. "PAIGE, WAKE UP!" Her little brother Jason's voice, it was like a banshee wailing. "WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP!" Paige hid herself under the pillow and waited for the nuisance to leave. Then, she felt something disturbing and familiar crawling on her face. She opened her eyes and screamed. It was Quincy, Jason's iguana. Later, the Fox family were having breakfast or what was left of it thanks to Peter's cravings. Roger, the father of Peter, Paige, and Jason, was having Paige's coffee and nearly choked to death. Andy, the mother, was looking at the paper, which she put down and looked at her family. "Remember guys," she announced, "we're starting our vacation tomorrow. Remember to pack everything tonight." "Oh, yeah," said Paige, "Mom, can I bring Nicole with us? She always wanted to go to Lawndale". "I guess..." "Hey, Mom," said Peter, "if Paige can bring Nicole, can I bring Denise?" "Uh, sure," "Hey, Mom," said Jason, "if they can bring Nicole and Denise, can I bring Marcus along?" Andy put her face in her hands. ----- A few days later, the Foxes and company were settled at their hotel and were now checking Lawndale out. Eventually, Paige and Nicole made it to the Mall of the Millennium, a giant mall outside of Lawndale. Their reaction was total awe. Paige had conquered the mall back home long ago, but it was never like this. "I...I've died...," said Paige, "This is Heaven...!" The two girls got dizzy trying to browse the place, so they went to the food court. The lines were painfully long, so Paige just turned her head, and saw them. Sitting at a table were -the- most trendy quartet of girls she had ever seen. Of all of them, one in particular caught her eye. It was a redhead in a cute mini-shirt with a smile face on it. She was so charming and perky...! "Say, Nicole, look over there." "What?" "Those girls..." "Well, they're trendy. What?" "I have -got- to meet the redheaded one!" "Why?" "Well, I should make a friend while I'm here, then I can bug my parents with a reason to come back." "Well, okay, I'll keep our place in line." Paige walked rather nervously to the table with the four girls, who looked at her curiously... ----- "Why are we eating these burgers? They are sooo fatting!" "Tiffany, we are -not- eating the burgers, we're eating the vegetables!" "Ohhh..." "Good idea, Quinn! I don't know how we ever got along without you!" "Thanks, Stacy! Sandi, why don't you say something?" "Oh, I am just too in awe of you're eternal wisdom Quinn." There was a little sarcasm in Sandi's voice. Quinn then noticed two girls, just a tad younger than her, facing their table. One had blond hair and a ponytail. The other had brown hair. "Uh, hi?" said the ponytailed girl. Quinn tried to say something. "Uh..." "I'm -sorry-," said Sandi, cutting Quinn off, "but -if- you were planning to sit here, I'm -afraid- that this table is for Lawndale High Fashion Club members only. So, it looks like..." "Oh, no, Sandi. Let them sit with us. We haven't -done- any community service in a while, you know." Sandi grimaced but caught herself. The two girls sat down. The ponytailed girl faced Quinn. "Fashion Club? Cool! I looove fashion!" This girl was beginning to make Quinn nervous. "Uh, yeah. So..., your...?" "Oh, I'm Paige. This is my long time friend, Nicole." "And you are..." asked Nicole. "Oh," said Quinn, "I'm Quinn Morgendorffer, vice president of the Lawndale High Fashion Club. This is Tiffany, Stacy, and our president, Sandi." "Charmed." "So, what can we do for you?" "Well...I just wanted to say I think you're cool..." "Uh, thanks..." "And, well, my family's vacationing in Lawndale for awhile and we don't know anyone here so...I was wondering if we could, you know, keep in tabs..." "Well," Sandi proudly explained, "I'm -afraid- that we don't usually let -total strangers- get involved with our..." "Wait, Sandi," interrupted Quinn. She looked at the girls. "Sure! Do you have the name of the place you're staying and your phone number?" "Yeah." "Here's mine. See you later...Paige was it?" "Uh, yeah." After Paige and Nicole left, Sandi turned to Quinn. "-What- was -that- about?" "Oh, Sandi, couldn't you see? Those girls were begging for our help! Sure they're kinda cute and all, but, -boy-, do they need help! I mean, not only were they needing to get rid of some weight but they -also- couldn't at -least- wear something that could make up for it! We need to -work- those two! We have to think for those less fortunate, the almost- average looking impaired!" "Hello, it looked to -me-, Quinn, that only -one- of them was looking for our advice and she was talking mainly to -you-!" "Great! I can concentrate more on that girl! When I'm done with her, she'll look so great and my image at the school will make me look so nice since I helped a stranger in a near crises!" Of course, Quinn didn't want Paige to look as good as -her-... ----- "So, let me get this strait," asked Nicole, "you want to be friends with that girl?" "Yeah, she seems nice and she could help me boost my image." "How?" "Don't you see, Nicole? That girl has everything I've been wanting since I entered high school: fashion sense, popularity, a thin waist...all I have to do is learn how she -does- it!" "-That's- going to be easy?" "Well, I think I could take up some of it naturally. After all, I have a pretty impressive 'Cosmo' collection, you know." Paige looked around. "Where's Peter?" ----- "Let's see," Nicole pondered as she looked at the mall directory, "if we were Peter, where would we go?" "Well," said Paige, "How about L'Impressions?" "That's where we would go." "How about W.H. Trogg?" "Again, that's where we would go. Now think, what's your brother like?" "Well, he eats too much, uses a tennis racket as a guitar, plays football in the house..." "As entertaining as this sounds..." "Wait! I know! The Sports Shorts!" "Well, that sounds...sporting. ----- Peter was trying to entertain himself as well as he could. Usually, when he and Paige were at a mall, they wouldn't be just browsing. They would be covering -every- little item in -every- part of -every- store. Fortunately, -this- time she was with Nicole. Now, all he needed was someplace to wait or, knowing the way Paige shopped, sleep. He looked at the mall's way tooconf using directory and tried to find, probably in vain, a store even -he- would like. Surprisingly, he found one. It was called "The Sports Shorts", a store that exclusively sold shorts made just for sports. Now -that- sounded interesting. It took Peter forever to find the place, but find it he did. It was a small store, but it was -packed-...with shorts. There were surprisingly few customers. In fact, the only people in there besides himself were two guys his age. One was wearing a yellow football jersey and had a Creeper-like smile. The other one was an African-American with a curly hair-style. As absorbed as Peter tried to make himself with the store's selection, he couldn't help but listen in on the duo's conversation. "Hey, Mack Daddy, which do you think would look better, the yellow shorts or the blue?" "Don't call me that, and what does it matter? The crowd never sees us in our shorts on the football field." "Oh, this isn't for the crowds. This is for Brittany." "She's seen you in your shorts?" "No, but this so I can -tell- her what shorts I'm wearing." "Why?" "So she can picture me -in- them! C'mon, have you ever done this sort of thing with your babe?" "If you mean Jodie, I can't say I have." "Excuse me?" asked Peter, "I couldn't help but hear. You guys are football players?" The players at Peter's school were much bigger, even though they wore oversized equipment. "Huh, oh yeah. Well, high school football actually. I'm Mack Mackenzie, captain of the Lawndale Lions. This Kevin Thompson, quarterback." "Yeah, I'm the Q.B.! Ever seen us play?" "Uh, no. I'm just vacationing in Lawndale with my family. Peter Fox." "Well, if we ever see you in the park, how about a game?" invited Mack. "Uh, sure!" Peter had never played with actual high school football players before! Beaten up by them, yes, but never-played- with them. Just then Paige entered the store. "Ah-hah! -There- you are, Peter!" "Oh, word...," mumbled Peter. He was going to be embarrassed by his sister in front of the jocks. "Uh, your girlfriend, Peter?" "No, my sister." Peter looked at Paige. She was smiling while showing her teeth and raising her eyebrows. Peter knew that smile. It was her "boy" smile. "Uh, Paige," he whispered, "they're taken." "Nertz..." Mack walked up to Paige and offered his hand. "Hi, I'm Mack. Pleased to meet you." Paige shook his hand while her smile returned. "-hee hee- Hi." Mack suddenly seemed nervous, the scared-kind of nervous. Paige turned and saw Kevin and her face lit up. Now -she- was the one who was nervous. "Hi, I'm Paige," she whispered. "Hi, I'm Kevin." ----- "Peter, what's wrong with Paige?" "Well, Nicole, she just met this football guy and her mind is off-line. Is that washcloth wet yet?" "Yeah." Nicole rinsed the washcloth and prepared to put it on her friend in the hopes of waking her. She understood how Paige felt. She used to have a crush on Peter before Diense showed up. ----- "So anyway, I just met the coolest people..." "That's nice, Paige," said Andy as she read the paper and was glad that the "Lawndale Sun' Herald" had an Arts section. "...and I'll be meeting them again tomorrow..." "That's nice, Paige." "...and we'll be..." "-Paige-! Look, I'm sorry. I'm glad you met some friends today and all, but there's very little I can stand." "But I haven't told you anything about them yet." "I mean," Andy explained, "that I've been having to stand your father and brother today." Just then, Roger showed up with his best golf club. "Yee-hah! Andy, I just found out where the best putting green is! It's a little ways out of Lawndale but..." Then Jason appeared. "Mom, can I have an advance on my allowance? I just learned about a store that sells surveillance equipment." ----- That night, Peter drove Diense to a spot called "Lover's Lane". It was a make-out point on the edge of Lawndale. Peter was glad that for once he didn't need to worry about Jason and Marcus spying on them. After some cuddling, Diense asked, "Do you hear something?" "No." "Sounds like a car pulled up." Peter looked out the windows. "I don't see anything." "Well, it sounded like it stopped short." "Well," said Peter, "it -is- kinda dark. Maybe it was someone who's car broke down." "Or maybe it's someone with the same idea as us," Dience said with a smile. They kissed until Dience said, "Or maybe that someone wants to watch us". Peter's previously closed left eye opened. ----- Charles Rutthiemer the third was watching the new couple making out with great pleasure. He was video taping everything with an infrared lens for prosperity. His enjoyment was interrupted as the guy left his car and approached Chuck's car. "Ahem!" Chuck looked up and saw an angry guy in a hat looking at him with eyes about to cut through him. Chuck gulped. ----- Thanks to Amy for corrections Denise waited in the car for Peter's return. Eventually, she heard the door open and Peter grunt. He seemed upset. "What happened?" she asked. "Oh, there was some creep spying on us." "You sent him away?" "I punched his nose". Denise smiled. "My hero." She hugged Peter and heard a car ride off. ----- At home, Chuck wasn't letting what just happened get him down. He attended to his nose and tried to hold the blood -in-. His parents were gone for a while so he couldn't ask his mom to nurse him. Besides, he'd be in trouble for playing peeping-tom. Nurse...Chuck tried to imagine a feisty gal like Brittany or Quinn holding a washcloth to his nose while he would stair at their...Chuck's fantasy was halted when a card suddenly fell from his shirt. It must have gotten stuck there somehow. Apparently, now that he thought of it, it came from the jacket pocket of that new kid that punched him. Chuck looked at it. It had the picture of a blond, ten-year old boy with glasses and the writing. "JASON FOX: spy/nuisance for hire. 'Girls and sisters are my specialty!'" Chuck got an idea... ----- Daria was in the living room watching "Sick, Sad World" and heard a knocking at the door. When she opened it, she saw a blond-girl with a ponytail at the door. "Uh, hi," said the girl, "is this...?" "Mogendorffer Home Base, yes." "Good. I need to find..." "Quinn Mogendorffer. She's in her room, upstairs. She's the only one home besides me. You can find her." "Oh. Okay, thanks." "By the way," said Daria, "if you find a room with padded walls and enter it, you die." "-gulp-Okay." When the girl left upstairs, Daria was a little puzzled. This girl was new and she seemed a little more "regular" than Quinn's fascist Fashion Club. No wavy hair, no big eyelashes, no tight clothes, and no...enhancements. Quinn wouldn't make friends with anyone who didn't look like they came out of a fashion magazine unless...Quinn was going to change her! Daria groaned. "'Community service'", she muttered to herself, reminded of what Quinn called that sort of thing. Daria pitied that girl and hoped she would come to her senses in time. ----- As Paige walked up the stairs, she thought about the girl she just met. With those glasses and that creepy attitude, Paige figured that must be some nerdy sister or cousin of Quinn. That padded room was probably boobytrapped, so Paige made herself careful. She found Quinn's room on the first try. Quinn was lying on her bed reading a fashion magazine. Her room was just so adorable! It had all these cute furry animals and things! This was when Quinn looked up and said, "Ah, Fox. You're here. Let's get to work." Quinn eyed Paige over. "Well," said Quinn, "first, you need to lose weight." "Ugh! I know! I'm always thinking I need to lose a few pounds..." "No, I mean you need to lose a -lot- of pounds. You have to be-super- thin! Now, do you have enough money for a liphosuction?" "Uh, no..." "Well, I guess you could do plan B, living off carrot sticks and celery." The scary thing was that -did- sound better than Andy's tofu casserole. ----- "Well, Mom," said Peter, "I'm off." "Where are you going Peter?" asked Andy. "To the park. I just made friends with two high school football players..." "AAAHHH!!!" "Mom, it's just a fun game." "Well, I'm still worried. I think you should bring a responsible person with you..." "Mom..." "Someone with common sense..." "Mom..." "Someone who can act twice your age..." "Mom..." "Bring Denise." "Hmmm?" ----- It was warm and there was a very gentle breeze. There was the sound of children playing and of birds chirping. Denise was trying to find a park bench. Peter said there was one near where he was playing with those other two guys. She soon found it. It was wooden and not too old. She sat down on it and relaxed while listening to Peter and the boys play. She didn't care too much for football but as long as Peter was happy..."HI!" That very high-pitched voice came from beside Denise. She turned around. "Hi! I'm Brittany! Kevin's my boyfriend!" "Uh, hi. I'm Denise. I'm with Peter Fox." "Ooooh. You mean that guy with the cute brown hair?" "Yeah." "You're lucky." "Well," said Denise, "I'm sure you are too." "What does -that- supposed to mean?" Denise was confused. "I don't know. What -do- you think I meant by that?" "You're not after my Kevie, are you?" "No. Like I said, I'm with Peter." "-whew-Good." "Why? Do people try to steal him?" "Sometimes, but he's such a jerk I have half a mind to -let them-!" Denise wondered if half a mind was what Brittany actually had... ----- "Yo, Mack Daddy," announced Kevin, "toss it here!" "Don't call me that! Okay, here you go." "'Kay. Catch Pete!" "I got it! I..." ----- Andy and Denise spent the night treating Peter's bruises and scrapes. They got a call from Mack. He apologized for that afternoon and hoped they could pry his football out of his mouth by next week. ----- Paige's new diet of carrots and celery sticks wasn't picked because of taste, but it was worth it. At least, that's what she kept telling herself. Sacrifices have to be made, she said to herself while munching down a celery stick. She sure missed her Ho-Hos. She wondered what her other problems were, since, after all, she always saw her weight as her main concern. Paige was always sure she knew how to dress, put on makeup, and do her hair. True, she always felt semi-inadiqute looking at the models in her fashion magazines and her swimsuit issues of Illustrated Sports, what with their perfect chests, legs, and eyelashes. (Actually, Paige could get eyelashes that were just as good thanks to her curler, but it wasn't like she could wake up with them like that.) Anyway, she thought that, aside from weight loss, anything Quinn would do to make Paige look like a supermodel would be nothing short of miraculous. "Okay, Fox," said Quinn, "about your outfit...it's too...loose." "Loose? If these pants and this sweater were any tighter, I'd choke." "That's another thing," said Quinn, "why are you even -wearing- a sweater? It's so...-bulgey-!" I like sweaters, so?" "So, why don't you wear a t-shirt?" "I do," said Paige, "when it's summer." "Well, roll up your shirt halfway." "Why?" asked Paige. "Just try it." Paige did Quinn's bidding and showed her stomach. "Aaah! Put it back down! -sigh-It looks like it'll be a while until you'll be able to safely show any midriff." Midriff? Paige was now feeling rather insecure. ----- RING! RI--click- "You have reached the Foxalon. Optimus Jason speaking." "Wha-! Um, I'm calling for the services of Jason Fox." "Oh, well. You have reached our president. How mayI help you?" "Well, this Charles Rutthiemer the Third speaking. I fatefully received one of your cards and I was wondering, can you monitor a couple of people for me? Name your price, my family is quite wealthy you know." "Hmmm. Ten dollars." "Ten?" "Alright, $80. That okay?" "Ummm," Charles stammered, "I think we can do business. I want you to take some...private pictures of a few lovely female students of Lawndale High: yearbook president Jodie Landon, cheerleader Brittany Taylor, Tiffany Blum-Deckler, and Sandi Griffin." "Alright, but one question: why do you want me to spy on mere girls? Why not something more superior like aliens?" "Well, they -are- aliens in disguise." "Ahhh," said Jason, "-Now- I understand...!" ----- An exaughsted Helen Morgendorrfer reached their home base. She just wanted to collapse on the couch and stay there. When she entered, she saw Daria on the couch. "Hi Daria. Where's your sister?" "She's upstairs with her new test subject." "What?" "Her new friend." "Oh. You know, Daria, -you- should think of getting new friends." "Well, maybe after you congratulate me on the ones I already have." Helen suddenly felt guilty. She was about to sit on the couch and apologize to Daria for still getting on her case even -after- she had friends, when a ponytailed girl in a sweater came downstairs with a carrot stick. "Oh, you must be Quinn's mom," she said. "Yes, I'm Helen. And you..." "Paige Fox. My family's staying here for a while. Quinn's giving me lessons on how to improve my image." "Oh, glad to hear that. Daria, why don't -you- ever let Quinn do that to you?" "Gee," said Daria, "I can remember a time when you said I was okay the way I was." For a lawyer, Helen seemed at a loss for words. She tried to make a good impression on her guest. "Paige, how about you ask your family if they can have dinner with us tonight. My husband's cooking." "Well, I'll ask them." ----- Jason and Marcus had some misgivings of not joining the others for dinner with another family. There were two girls there and they could have used the practice. Still, a job was a job and they were doing one. It took a while for them to find the homes of their intended targets. It took an even longer time to get to those places. Jason went to Jodie Landon's and Marcus went to Brittany Taylor's. They deactivated the respective security systems and stuck in the bedrooms. Both were seen by the intruders as perfect examples of female "ickiness." Still, they proceeded with their missions. They found each girls' sock drawer. After make sure not gain physical contact and, inturn, become contaminated with "cooties," they planted cameras behind the mirrors found in the alien girls' rooms. Before they left, they noticed their targets sleeping, obviously recharging their cells as their computer-like minds were dreaming ways of conquest. How cleaver of them to pick the most horrid of disguises! Later, similar events occured at the homes of Tiffany Blum-Deckler, Sandi Griffin and Stacy Rowe. ----- Andy Fox was a little concered when Paige told her about the family she had just met and that they were invited to dinner. Paige wondered who these people could be to impress her so easily. As they approached 111 Glen Oaks Lane, Andy began to see why. That house was huge! Whoever lived there must have had at least a considerable income. They entered and were greeted by a girl with brown hair and glasses. "Welcome to Morgendorffer Home Base," said the girl, "abandon all hope ye who enter here. I only abandoned ignorance when I came in." She was pretty creepy, thought Andy, and this was from living with Jason. Still, that was a good retort, especially with the "Dante's Inferno" reference. When the Foxes entered Andy noticed a woman in a red dress on the couch. Andy walked up her. "Hi, you must be Quinn's mother." The woman suddenly sprang up and shook Andy's hand. "Why, yes! I am! I'm Helen Morgendorffer of Vitale, Davis, Horowitz, Riordan, Schrecter, Schrecter, Schrecter, and Screcter, attorneys-at-law." "Andy Fox, columnist. Uh, your daughter Quinn isn't quite what I expected..." "Hmmm. Oh, no," said Helen, apparently surpressing a laugh, "That's not Quinn. That's my first born, Daria." "Oh. Is she always like that?" "-sigh-Yes, unfortunatly." ----- Unnoticed by all, Daria shot Helen an angry look. ----- "So," said a hungry Peter, "what are we having?" "Lasagna," announced Helen, "Jake was tired of the store bought kind and made his own." Peter's face was blank, but he figured that as long as it wasn't Andy's or Paige's cooking, he was okay with it. The question was weither that was -enough-. As the Foxes sat down, they noticed a brown haired man in a buisness suit coming down the stairs looking confused. "Oh, Jake," said Helen, "these are our guests for the evening, the Foxes." Jake walked up to Peter, smiling, and said, "Hey, my man, whatsup?" Peter just raised an eyebrow. ----- Sometime later, Quinn and the girl called Daria joined the others for dinner. Paige wondered why Quinn never worked her magic on her sister. Of course, that same-said magic was coming with a great deal of pain so far. Paige wondered if Daria was adopted or something. After all, she wasn't model material like Quinn. She was almost suspiciously quiet. It wasn't like Jason's "up to something" quiet. It was more of a "do what your doing, don't let me stop you" quiet. Well, it time for her announcement. "Attention, Morgandorffers and Foxes..." They were still eating. "ATTENTION!" They stopped eating. "-ahem-I, Paige Fox, would like permission to stay with the Morgandorffers for the reminder of our vacation. In return, for Quinn's tutolege in the makeover arts, I will do your cooking and whatever else is needed for you guys to tolerate me." "Can we use you for a doorstop?" asked Daria. ----- Jodie Landon got out of her bed on what looked like a very nice day. It was vacation time, so she didn't have to worry too much about either popularity or her social horizons. Her dad was out of town, thank God, and wouldn't be forcing her to be perfect. For the first time in a while, Jodie actually felt happy. She felt like having some actual -fun- for once. Maybe she could call Mack and get to a movie. Maybe get Daria, Jane, or Brittany to join them. Funny, she used to spend most of her time around Brittany before Daria showed up. She didn't quite understand Daria, but she liked her and admired her commentaries of some of the popular people that were actually creeps, like Tommy Sherman. She really did like Daria, at least she could understand words that Jodie always had to translate around Brittany. As Jodie got dressed, putting her clothes over her underwear, she felt like she was being watched... ----- Sandi Griffin got up to face yet another morning. Today, their wasn't going to be a Fashion Club meeting, so she wouldn't have to put up with those three idiots. Sandi always perferred the B.Q. days of the Fashion Club, before Quinn. The whole reason she founded the Fashion Club was to feel superior toward others. Before Quinn came along, Tiffany and Stacy were easy to control. Letting Quinn in seemed like -such- a good idea at the time. Quinn was new to Lawndale High and was already popular so Sandi decided to control her early on and use Quinn's popularity for her own benefit. She didn't think Quinn would be slowly -taking over- the club! Sandi sighed and removed her Dreamland Delight pajamas in front of the mirror. She then looked through her drawers to find her new outfit. She couldn't find it. Well, she tried to find her last outfit, the one that had become her usual look. She couldn't find it either! That was strange. She always knew where she kept that one. Fealing almost despirate, she tried to find her original green-brown outfit. There was a secret reason why Sandi stopped wearing it: She felt it made her look like Quinn's wierd cousin. She couldn't find that one either! Now she was mad! And the only ones who knew where she kept her clothes were..."SAM! CHRIS!" Sandi rushed off to punish her brothers after forgetting that she was naked. ----- Tiffany Blum-Deckler was checking herself out in the mirror. She -had- to know if she looked fat. She could almost -feel- it today. She didn't worry about what -outfit- made her look fat, she finally figured that -she- made herself look fat. Tiffany looked in the mirror. Earlier, she decided to not take any risks at all, so she looked in the mirror totally naked. It's not like anyone could see her or anything. ----- Stacy Rowe awoke in front of her laptop. She had spent the night practicing her newest discovered pro to internet shopping: shopping naked without anyone knowing. The pro was that you didn't worry about anyone seeing you. The con was that it still felt...uncomfortable, probably because your still used to wearing clothes while shopping. Anyway, she must have fallen asleep while shopping. Well, today was the day for her to break in her new jacket. ----- Brittany Taylor woke up to a very lovely morning after a hard night of rollerblading. She had been sleeping nude, as usual. She'd think some more, but the author was afraid he was already pushing the envolope too much with this sequence. Besides, the readers had already gotten the idea by now. All they needed to know was that she felt as if she was being watched when she got dressed. ----- Paige Fox wasn't exactly a humble guest, but she was an honored one. Sleeping on the couch, she usually got up a little before noon. If there was enough time, she would sunbath in the backyard (Quinn couldn't believe she would wear a swimsuit before she finished working on her). Helen would get Paige to do some chores, much to the young Fox's regret. Paige spent most of her time in between Quinn's training and lounging, meaning reading "Cosmo" and drinking Diet Coke. Quinn's work seemed to be progressing over time. Paige was getting thinner and her acne was decreasing. Still, she didn't seem too happy about it. For one thing, she had to give up on Ho-Hos. One night, feeling tired of Quinn and being bored in general, Paige played a card game with Jake. Jake scared her, what with his acting hip. She begain to miss Roger. Actually, she -loved- Roger and his nerdiness was quite tolerable compared to Jake's geekiness. All in all, she loved that the Morgendorffers let her stay with them, she didn't have to put up with Jason or Peter or with Andy's nagging. During the aftermentioned card game, Paige convinced Jake if she could fix dinner one night. "Sure," said Jake, "You know, I've been working on my cooking lately. I could help out if you want." This reminded her too much of Roger, so Paige politly declined Jake's offer. ----- "So, you're cooking dinner." Paige turned from the stove and saw Daria. "Yeah." "Good." Paige stared at her with blank eyes. "What?" "It's good," said Daria, "that you're cooking dinner. Usually, we just have microwave lasagna. And when we're not having that, we experience Dad's recently discovered cooking skills. I admit, he's good, but I think we need a change for a night." "Oh, well, I'm trying to cook this lobster..." "Oh," said Daria, "never had it. You've cooked lobster before?" "No, but I've been wanting to." Just then, the pot bust into flames. "I didn't know water could do that," said Paige. Helen was quite courtious at dinner of Paige's meal but Jake seemed a little...uneasy ("What the hell is this this?") Helen kept trying to remind him that the guest made it, so he calmed down. Daria actually didn't seem to have trouble with it at all. She simply ate until she was finished. Quinn, however, was less tolerate than her sister. "EWWW! What -is- this?" "It's...my meal." "No, I mean, what -is- this?" "Lobster." "It doesn't taste like lobster! Not the kind they have at Chez Pierre!" ""I'm sorry," said Paige, "What other types of lobster have you had?" "Well," answered Quinn, "Just that kind. We never had lobster back in Texas. Why are you cooking anyway?" "Well, explained Paige, "My dad said I would need to cook to bag a guy. Mom had a talk with him after she heard that, by the way. But I soon learned that I -liked- cooking so I try every chance I get." "But," explained Quinn, "We don't -need- to cook. When your popular, other people cook or order food -for- you. Well, except for coco. -That's- okay." Paige almost heard Daria grumble. ----- "Okay, Marcus," said Jason under the red light, "let's hope this developing process works. I'd give these to a developer, but this contents may be to frighting to reveal to the public." "Well," said Marcus, "how bad can they be?" His answer was verified when Jason lited the first photo from the liquid. "AHHH!" screamed Jason, "gastley!" "Reminds me of when I once saw one of my sisters in their underwear!" said Marcus. "AHHH!! This one's ewven worse!" "Oh, please! Have these aliens no decency!" "AHHH!!! This is too much!" "That's how their going to conquor our planet! By stripping in public and, in turn, melt our eyeballs out! "AGH! I'm losing it pal!" "Hang on, you've seen worse. You've seen Paige..." ""NOOO!!! This blond one, she must be their leader!" "Oh, God. Your right! NO one human has porportions like that!" ----- Roger Fox and Jake Morgendorffer really hit it off. They had a lot of things in common. They both let their wives handle their kids, they both had trouble with modern technology, and they both loved golf. At the fateful dinner, Roger invited Jake to the driving range they heard about. None of their kids wanted to go, so they figured to have all the fun for themselves. "You're a consolor?" asked Roger as he hit his ball...right into a sandtrap. "Yeah," answered Jake, "actually, work's kinda slow these days. Still, it's not bad. At least I get to be my own boss." Jake's ball fell into a lake while he was talking. "You're own boss?" asked Roger, "Well, that sounds like it sure beats working for Pembrook." "PEMBROOK? You work for -Pembrook-?" "Yeah," said Roger, "and, man, it's a pain. Every year, I'm afraid I'll be downsized thanks to the company being in debt due to the raises Pembrook gives himself..." "Hey," said Jake, "could you introduce me to him? I've got some ideas not even Pembrook would turn down!" Roger convinced himm not to be relating some of his stories of his carrer, particularly that Roger had not worked anywhere else since college. By the end of the day, both of their scorecards were loaded with sixes, but neither of them minded. ----- "So," said Charles Ruttheimer to Jason and Marcus, "did you get the photos?" "Uh, yeah. The photos..." "About the photos..." "Where are they?" "Uh, about the photos..." "We'll pay you back." "Where. Are. They." Well, they were too dangerous for the human eye, so..." "We destroyed them...for the good of makind." "WHAT?" "Well, we said we'd pay you back." "After all, we didn't learn the details of their plans or anything." "But they weren't -really- aliens, they were -girls-! I't's just that I've spent my entire teenage life to see them in more...personal...situations." Jason and Marcus looked shocked. "Oh." "Wow, they looked more merciful than I always figured. Look, if all you want is personal pictures of women, I can just give you my brothers' Illustrated Sports swimsuit issues. You pay us, and we're all happy." Rutthiemer stopped crying. "Oh. Okay. How much?" "Ten dollars each." "Sold." --- "-Ahem-Ladies and gentlemen. Morgendorffers and Foxes. It gives me, Quinn Morgendorffer, great, -great-, pleasure in introducing the new, improved, customized...PAIGE FOX!" Quinn pulled back the curtain. No one was behind it. "Oh, come -on- Paige! Don't be shy!" Paige relunctatly entered the living room. She was wearing a baby tee-shirt, very tight pants, and platform shoes. She had lost a considerable amount of weight, her eyelashes were uncurled, and her hair looked like it had been conditioned to death. She looked at the gathered Morgendorffers and Foxes. They stared at her with wide eyes, except Daria. Paige looked at Quinn, smiling like a proud mother. Paige looked at the crowd, covered herself and yelled "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!" She ran off with a very confused Quinn trying to follow her. ----- Paige still spent the night at the Morgendorffers'. After embarrasing herself, she didn't want to leave them the impression of her being a bad guest. She couldn't sleep, so she went to kitchen to get a snack. She couldn't wait to get her lost pounds back. She sat on the living room couch and sulked. "Want some company?" Paige turned and saw Daria. "Want a comment from the washed-out wannabe model?" grumbled Paige. "Actually," said Daria, "I wanted to do the commenting. I wanting to comment on...how proud I am of you." Paige perked up, wanting to hear more. "I admit, you could've had a more graceful fall, but...I'm glad you finally turned down Quinn. I guess her makeover was too much for you, huh?" "Well," started Paige, "it's more like, well, we had...conflicting philosophies. I mean, I've been wanting to lose weight but I never wanted to starve either. Also, well, I never understood the concept of mini-shirts. It's like, I want to be fashionable, I want to be popular, but I want to do it -my way-! And I don't want to feel superior to anyone else, I'm just...lonely. I mean, I don't know how Quinn did it! She's only six months older than me and she was popular on the first day when you guys went to your school!" "I see," said Daria, "I don't know how Quinn does it either, just that she should have used that power for good, not evil. But the thing is, you actually turned her down. Some people can't and won't do that. It's rare to find someone immune to Quinn's charms. It's good to know you actually have some free will, Fox." "Wow, thanks," said Paige, "and...thanks for not making fun of me." ----- Charles Rutthiemer the Third was walking down the street enjoying a newly acquired copy of Illustrated Sports. It wasn't quite as interesting as Eyeful, but it was okay. As he glanced from the magazine, he saw a mob of fiesty babes comming his way. As it turned out, it was the five girls in which he hired to do his "photography work" on. "-ahem-Afternoon, ladies. No doubt you are in need of the Chuckmiester." "Well," said Jodie, "yes. We need you to explain -this-!" She held up a smashed up camera. "Er, uh, before you make any rash accqusations, my lovely, you will notice the lable that says 'Property of Jason Fox: Star Trek god.' What do you have to say to that?" "Well, I can say that we called this Jason Fox, who's temporary phone number was on the cameras, and he informed us that you hired him." Chuck tried to gulp but he was too busy running as the girls gave chase. ----- "Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Morgendorffer...?" Helen put down her phone and Jake put down his paper to hear what Paige had to say. "I want to thank you for your hospitality all this time and...sorry about my behavior." "Oh, it's...nothing, Paige," said Helen unsurly. "By the way," added Paige, "you have a cool daughter." "Oh, so you -have- apologized to Quinn..." "I was talking about Daria." "Oh." ----- When Paige left, Helen sat down next to Jake. "Jake, am I...missing things lately?" "Well..." "I have, haven't I? I mean, Daria reminded me the other day that I never complimented her for having Jane as a friend. Now, Paige spurns Quinn and likes Daria. Of course, I had some qualms about Paige's makeover myself but...I'm overlooking something about Daria and Quinn, aren't I? I...I need to go lie down." ----- Helen left. Jake thought about how he -would- have said that he hadn't been paying enough attention to what Helen had been doing with the girls lately. Oh well... ----- Chuck ran toward the only place nearby where he might be safe, Jason Fox's hotel room. Even if Jason and Marcus weren't there, he could convense the family to hide him. Either that, or he could simply bribe them. He out rased the girls and head toward Jason's hotel room and knocked on the door. ----- Andy was reading the Lawndale Sun-Herald. She was also thing of Paige, hoping that she wasn't too much trouble for the Morgendorffers. Speaking of which, Andy didn't like Paige's makeover. It made her look like a floozie. Maybe she should have taken the time to know the Morgendorffers better. Just then, there was a knock on her door. Andy got up to answer it. ----- The door opened and Chuck could not have been greeted by a better sight. In the doorway stood a tall, golden haired beauty wearing shorts and a halter top that Chuck thought was flattering. "May I help you?" she asked. Oh, yes indeed, thought Chuck, but he instead said, "Ah, yes. I am Chuck RUtthiemer III. I'm a friend of Jason Fox and I request sanctuary." "Oh, well have a seat." "Thank you. By the way, your hair is very shiny in this light." "Uh, thank you." ----- Jodie had convinced the other girls to let her handle Chuck after convencing them that Upchuck shaped dents in their hands would look unflattering on their hands. Actually, she didn't want a murder charge slapped on them. Jodie figured she take care of Upchuck in a mature way. Still, she was really ticked off. At least she was -wearing- something that day, unlike the other girls. She had trailed him to the hotel she heard Jason Fox was staying. Jodie wouldn't know where to look there and she didn't want to disturb every room while looking for one guy. She decided to call Fox's room to see if Upchuck was there. ----- Andy finished hand writing her column for the newspaper back home. She had been feeling like a bad hostess, so she figured she should do something about it. "Say, er, Chuck, would you like some lemonade?" Chuck looked up. "Why, yes, senorita. Two cubes, please." Andy was still trying to figure out if Chuck was just being nice to her or comming on to her. No, she thought, I'm decades older than him. She got the lemonade and put it on the table in front of the couch and sat next to Chuck. "Hope you like it." "Oh, I will." As he sipped his glass, Chuck gave Andy a look that made her feel uneasy. Just then, the phone rang. "Hello, Andy Fox." "Hello, I'm looking for a Chuck Rutthiemer." "Yes, he's here with me." "Oh, God. Run, Ms. Fox! Get out while you can!-click-" After whoever it was hung up, Andy started to get worried, -very- worried. Still, what could she fear from a 16 year old. Chuck looked at Andy and said, "You know, I was right about your hair, it has some nice -body- to it, by the way, but your skin seems fetching in this light too. It helps to make you more," he touched her bare leg as he said this, "...magnetic." Andy's face was filled with rage. ----- Jodie head to the waiting area, fearful of what might happen. "Excuse me," she told the clerk, "I need to sees the Foxes..." "Yes, room 287." "Thanks." Jodie rushed up the stairs, not wanting to wait on the elevator. She needed to get there in a hurry, to either warn Andy Fox in time or save her. She hated to run in the hallway, fearing she might hit someone. Fortunatly, she didn't. Jodie found the room. And knocked on the door. "Ms. Fox! You're in terrible danger!" The door opened and Jodie saw a woman somewhat older than she expected. She also saw Upchuck unconcious on the couch. Andy looked at her elbow and said, "I always wondered where Paige got it from." ----- On their way back home, the Foxes drove past the Morgendorffers' place to pick up Paige and say goodbye. Paige tried to hug Daria, but she wouldn't let her. "A handshake will do," said Daria, so they shook hands. Quinn walked up to Paige with an apologetic look on her face. "Paige, I...I'm sorry it didn't work out. But, what made you change your mind?" "Well," said Paige, "I want to be popular, but I don't want to sell out either. This trip's taught me to just be myself. I don't want to lose my individuality. Uh, Quinn?" "Yeah." "Be careful." "Huh?" ----- "So," asked Nichole on the way home, "you still want to be like that Morgendorffer girl?" "No, I just want to be Paige Fox. Besides, I think her glasses are too big." "Good for you...- glasses-!" END