The Alter-Ego Chronicles: Rowe'd Racin'

The Alter-Ego Chronicles

Rowe'd Racin'

By The Excellent S

Series Outline

You all remember the end credit alter-egos, right? With all the regular cast being presented in crazy costumes and other animation styles and the like. The end credits of "Is It College Yet?" showcased hilarious scenarios for the characters futures.

Well, what if their lives really DID turn out that way? What if Daria and Jane really did become breakfast TV hosts? What if Mr. DeMartino really did become a mailman? Set in the year 2010, this collection of stories known as "The Alter-Ego Chronicles" will look at these strange futures, and examine how they ended up that way and how they've managed to embrace or reject it. And in some cases, some lesser-known people that were never given a future may be given one.

Now remember this is my first attempt at fan-fiction ever, so it might not be that great. Or it could be. I don't know. Read it and judge for yourself...

Plot Outline

Stacy Rowe's career as a driver in the world-renowned SCUSA series has stalled. Her team has almost run out of money and can't afford to run her for full races. Despite her unlikely skill behind the wheel, other drivers feel that she should give up. On the announcement by her well-meaning, but money-hungry team owner that her next race will be her last, Stacy is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But a reunion with an old friend inspires Stacy to throw everything into her last race of the year, the Ultra Cola 500 at the brand new Lawndale Motor Speedway. Will this return to her former home town bring a change of fortune for the former Fashion Club secretary, or will it be the final nail in the coffin for her career and possibly her state of mind?

ACT 1

SCENE 1

(The opening credits are played to the original Daria theme, "You're Standing on My Neck" by Splendora)

(We open at a flood-lit race track, soon revealed to be Circuit Middlebury by trackside signage. Cut to a tracking shot of a white stock car with a #2 on it, speeding around the oval, until it pulls into pit lane and stops. The driver climbs out of the car, and takes off a plain white helmet, as well as a fire-protective balaclava. It is Stacy Rowe, formerly of the Fashion Club. She looks pretty much the same as she did in high school, right down to the twin braids, except she is more muscular by virtue of fitness training in her racing career. She walks over to her race engineer, Dewey "Shaggy" Rogers, who is seated at the pitside technical box, looking at many small monitors. Shaggy's... well... shaggy hair is flowing out from under a cap with the name "Rowsthorn Racing" on it)

Stacy: "Why did you pull me in? We were in the top 15!"

Shaggy: "The tyres were about to go, and we have no more left."

Stacy: "Really? No more tyres? You've got to be kidding me, Dewey..."

Shaggy: "I know you're angry right now, but please don't call me Dewey. I hate that name."

Stacy: "Sorry, Shaggy."

Shaggy: "Money is tight, Stacy. We have to keep starting-and-parking until we can get a full-time sponsor. It's not good, but it's all we can do."

(Cut to a commentary booth, where two race commentators, Richard Kavalee and Tony Marsland, are calling the action)

Marsland: "And Stacy Rowe has just pulled into the pits, retiring early for the 5th consecutive race."

Kavalee: "It's a really unfortunate situation for her and her team, Tony, and one has to wonder how much longer they can keep going like this."

(Cut back to the team pit box. A second engineer walks up to Stacy)

Engineer: "Mr. Rowsthorn wants to see you back at the transporter. It sounds really important."

(Stacy starts jogging over to her transporter)

SCENE 2

(Fade to a view of a large white truck, the team transporter. It has "Rowsthorn Racing" written on it in large red writing, as well as a stylised rose logo and the #2. This is where the car gets stored when it gets taken from race to race. There are also basic living facilities for Stacy, such as a bedroom, a small bathroom and a kitchen. Cut to team owner Glenn Rowsthorn, a short, balding, middle-aged man and Stacy, who has untied her hair from its braids and is wearing it long, talking in the bedroom area)

Rowsthorn: "...I guess you probably know why I've asked to talk to you in private, Stacy."

Stacy: "I have an idea, but just to be sure... is it about money?"

Rowsthorn: "Yes. We're almost out of it, unfortunately. The prize money we get for low-40s race finishes barely covers the fuel and tyre costs these days."

Stacy: "I hope this doesn't affect the Lawndale race. It's my first time back to my home town since I left after college, and I really want to do good there."

Rowsthorn: "Yep, nothing like a big performance at the home track to really stick it those who doubted you. Is your family going to be there?"

Stacy: "They wanted to come, but they couldn't get out of their work commitments in Africa. I don't know what they're doing, but they're mysterious like that." (pause) "You still haven't told me if are we going to miss the Lawndale race or not."

Rowsthorn: "No no no... We'll definitely race in Lawndale, but after that, I'm not sure."

Stacy: "Sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do."

Rowsthorn: "I know."

(Rowsthorn leaves the room, and gets out of the transporter. Stacy turns on a TV mounted on the wall and watches the program currently being broadcast, SportsTalk. It shows highlights of the race she retired from, now finished, and then cuts to Marsland and Kavalee in the commentary booth)

Marsland: "...and another win for Harry Cahill today in the Pizza Forest 400 at Middlebury. A dominant performance from start to finish, he now leads the championship by 67 points over Lucas Holman going into the next race at the all-new Lawndale Motor Speedway."

Kavalee: "Now onto the next of our SportsTalk driver profiles series, and today we take a look at Rowsthorn Racing's Stacy Rowe. Currently the only female driver in the SCUSA Cup Series, she has worked extremely hard to get here, but could it all be about to end in tears? Ed Martin with the story."

SCENE 3

(The report begins by showing clips of Stacy racing in various different cars)

Martin (VO): "A few years ago, Stacy Rowe was at the forefront of motor racing's female revolution. Although she is still a talented young driver, she has been cursed it seems by financial troubles, bad machinery and in some cases, old-fashioned bad luck."

(The report now shows infant pictures of Stacy with her family, then some teenage pictures of her and her friends, including those who would eventually become The Fashion Club in Lawndale High)

Martin (VO): "Born and raised in Lawndale, Maryland, Rowe was your everyday typical girl. She was interested in boys and fashion, following many, if not all of the trends of the time. Not the average interests for a future SCUSA driver, you would think. But Rowe was an athlete at heart. A promising indoor volleyball player in high school, Rowe quit the sport when she suffered serious head and facial injuries in a collision with a team-mate."

(Home video footage, taken from courtside bleachers, is shown of the indoor volleyball collision between Stacy and Tiffany that was shown in every opening credits sequence in the history of the show. Voices are heard)

Lady: "Oh my God! They hit each other in mid-air!"

Man: "That girl behind them isn't even trying to play. She just sticks her hand out when the ball is already past her. She's done that like 3 times today!"

Lady: "Oh no... She's not getting up..."

(Cut to a photo of Stacy taken on her high school graduation. She is wearing a graduation cape and mortarboard, and is holding her diploma)

Martin (VO): "Stacy's life lacked direction, but on her 19th birthday, an unexpected present put her onto the road to SCUSA."

(The report cuts to pre-recorded footage of Stacy being interviewed)

Stacy: "It was a joke present from one of my girlfriends. Wrapped in a lovely new shirt was a coupon for free hot laps in a SCUSA Trophy car at the old Oakwood National Circuit. I never planned on using it, but one day all my friends were busy and I was a bit bored, so I went and used it. I guess I've never looked back since."

(The report now shows pictures of Stacy in sprint car racing, including one where she is very muddy but holding up a trophy, then of her driving a race truck)

Martin (VO): "This was the adrenalin rush that Stacy's life needed. Upon her graduation from college, Rowe would begin racing professionally with the backing of Glenn Rowsthorn, who she still drives for today. Her first stop was sprint car racing, where she became the youngest female winner in the history of the Tri-County Championships. Then, in 2006, she hit the asphalt in SCUSA Truck racing, driving for David Noble Trucks."

(Cut to archive broadcast footage of a truck race, the camera is tracking Stacy as she passes a few drivers)

Commentator (VO): "Stacy Rowe, overtaking guys like they're standing still. This is an excellent showing in her debut SCUSA Truck Series race."

Martin (VO): "Rowe would go on to finish 9th in the final championship standings, achieving Rookie of the Year honours, along with an excellent 3rd place finish at Swedesville. The next season, Rowe would split her commitments between the Truck Series, and selected races in the Trophy Series for Ross Fleet Motorsports. Despite a pair of 5th place finishes at Middlebury and Wappington Mills, Rowe would slump to 21st in the Truck Series standings, and was released from her contract with DNT."

(Cut back to the interview with Stacy)

Stacy: "I'm an emotional person by nature, but I took the release from DNT really badly. I cried for days, and I was considering throwing it all away. It wasn't until I got a contract offer for the Cup Series with Rowsthorn Racing that I got out of my slump."

(Cut to archive broadcast footage of a Cup race, the camera is tracking Stacy and another car as they battle towards the finish line. Unfortunately they touch and Stacy is sent spinning into the wall, and causes a multi-car pileup)

Marsland (VO): "Rowe... Holman... Holman... Rowe... they touch! Rowe is gone! Lucas Holman will win the 2008 Sick Sad World 500 at Highland! And cars are going everywhere trying to avoid the chaos that this accident has caused..."

Martin (VO): "Despite being the #2 driver at Rowsthorn Racing to Harry Cahill, she would soundly out-qualify him on occasion."

(Cut to pre-recorded footage of Harry Cahill being interviewed. He is an almost stereotypical Texan man, right down to the fact he is wearing a cowboy hat)

Cahill: "I tell you what, man, that Stacy Rowe she was really something. It's a damn shame to see what has happened to her and to her team, but maybe she's just not cut out for SCUSA anymore."

(Cut to various crashes and car failures, all of them involving Stacy)

Martin (VO): "Yet most of the time on race day, it would pretty much fall apart. Rowe could only manage 14th in the championship and runner-up in the Rookie of the Year standings, while Cahill would win his 2nd SCUSA Cup Series title. The next season was it really started to fall apart for Rowe. Cahill left for the rival Robbins Technical Projects team, leaving Rowsthorn Racing, now a one car team, high and dry in terms of results and sponsorship."

(Cut to pre-recorded footage of Rowsthorn being interviewed)

Rowsthorn: "Since Cahill left us, Ultra Cola soon followed. Also the contract with Stacy's sponsor Waif Magazine had finished and they weren't looking to resign. We were almost literally going around asking for spare change."

(Cut to clips of Stacy racing in the 2010 car)

Martin (VO): "Rowe would slip even further down the standings, managing only 32nd place in 2009 with only one top 10 finish at Highland. Now, Rowe is on the third year of a 3 year agreement with Rowsthorn, and the team has been reduced to starting-and-parking to pay the bills."

(Cut to pre-recorded footage of Lucas Holman being interviewed. He is a young African-American man)

Holman: "I feel bad for the girl. I remember when my team had to start-and-park and frankly it was embarrassing. I think she should probably get out while she still has her dignity."

(Cut back to the interview with Stacy)

Stacy: "It is somewhat humiliating, yes. But I guess when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. We are still out there every week trying our best, and surely someone will give us a chance in due time."

Martin (VO): "In conclusion, Rowe believes that she still hasn't proven herself in SCUSA racing yet. But she is fast running out of time to do so. Rowsthorn Racing is nearly out of money and could pull the plug on operations before the season is over. And where does this leave Rowe? Who knows? For a woman once described as the future of SCUSA, Stacy Rowe is looking at an uncertain future. This is Ed Martin, reporting for SportsTalk."

(The TV is turned off, and we are back in the bedroom of the transporter. Stacy is now out of her race suit and is in pyjamas, but she looks depressed. She gets into her bed, closes her eyes and goes to sleep)

SCENE 4

("Homecoming (Part I: The Death of St. Jimmy)" by Green Day plays in the background of the following sequence)

(Fade to a shot of the Mall of the Millennium, then a pan to a highway road sign. It reads "Lawndale – 100 miles". A truck and a car drive through the shot. These vehicles are the transporter, which is now on its way into Lawndale, followed by Stacy in the car. Cut to the interior of Stacy's car. Stacy has a worried look on her face, but manages to crack a smile as she sees something at the road side. It is a sign, saying "Welcome to Lawndale". As the two vehicles make their way through the town, Stacy looks out the window at the familiar buildings of Lawndale, like the high school, the RX Plex and the Chez Pierre. Finally, the two vehicles turn into the entrance of Lawndale Motor Speedway and into an underground tunnel to the infield of the track. Stacy parks her car near the race control building, where Rowsthorn is waiting for her. The music fades out as Stacy gets out of her car and walks over to him)

Rowsthorn: "I've made up my mind, Stacy. We're shutting down the team after Lawndale."

Stacy: "You sure you couldn't have greeted me with better news?"

(Rowsthorn lowers his eyebrows, not happy)

Stacy: "I'm sorry. I haven't been feeling great and I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for SCUSA racing any more anyway."

Rowsthorn: "What makes you say that?"

Stacy: "Some of the other drivers say I should probably leave. I saw it on SportsTalk the other night."

Rowsthorn: "Don't let that worry you. Now, just let me handle the talking for the both of us here."

(Cut to the media room at Lawndale Motor Speedway. In the room are Rowsthorn and Stacy, who sit at a desk covered in microphones in front of a backdrop covered in the Rowsthorn Racing logo. In front of them are many newspaper and internet writers, each with a laptop computer)

Rowsthorn: "Thank you for attending this hastily organised press conference. I'm here to confirm the rumours today that, effective as of the following race at Highland International Raceway, the #2 will no longer run in the 2010 SCUSA Cup Series."

(Pan to Stacy, who is clearly upset, but manages a smile. One of the writers stands up)

Writer #1: "Darren Gabriel of the National Confuser. What is the reasoning behind this decision?"

Rowsthorn: "We have been unable to secure a sponsorship arrangement sufficient enough to allow us to race at our absolute best, so we are focusing our efforts in securing sponsorship for next season."

(Another of the writers raises his hand)

Writer #2: "Justin Young of the Lawndale Sun-Herald. Question for Stacy Rowe, where does this decision leave you in your immediate racing future?"

Stacy: "Honestly... I don't know. I haven't spoken to any other teams yet, but hopefully I can work something out."

(A third writer stands up)

Writer #3: "Daniel Tarver, SCUSA.com. What about the rumours that you have already signed Mile Bresciano as a replacement driver for the #2 car, possibly as soon as the race at Road Swedesville in August?

(Stacy, having not heard about any of this, looks stunned. Rowsthorn, not expecting the question, is as well)

Rowsthorn: "Well... the thing about that is... I... er... um... this press conference is over, no more questions."

(He quickly gets up and runs out of the room. Stacy, still shocked, slowly gets up and leaves the room. Upon walking out, she sees Rowsthorn)

Stacy: "What was all that about, Rowsthorn? Is it true you want to replace me?"

Rowsthorn: "Stacy, this is a really hard thing to explain..."

Stacy: "I've got plenty of time. Explain away."

Rowsthorn: (deep breath) "The problem is, Stacy, that women in motor sport isn't a novelty any more. There are women racers that are really good... but you... I mean, you've had excellent results in the Truck Series, a few great results in the Trophy Series and a few here in Cup, but you just haven't been able to cut it as of late. And the sponsors don't want to be riding a sinking ship."

Stacy: "Wait, how am I supposed to get results when you keep pulling me out of races early?"

Rowsthorn: "Like I said sponsorship. Bresciano is bringing in Ultra Cola money and you can't turn that down, not in this economy. It's kind of a catch 22."

Stacy: "So... I'm being fired because of sponsorship issues or because I'm not good enough any more?"

Rowsthorn: "It's actually a bit of both. Sorry."

Stacy (nearly crying): "OK... I think I understand. Excuse me."

(Stacy runs off down the hall, out of the building and into her transporter, where she tries her best to maintain composure, but starts crying uncontrollably into a pillow. Pan to the window, which shows a sunset transitioning into night time. Pan back to Stacy who is still crying. She stops crying, and begins to pack a suitcase when a photo falls out. Stacy picks it up and looks at it. It is a photo of her, Sandi, Quinn and Tiffany on graduation day at Lawndale High. They are all dressed in graduation robes and mortarboards, and they all have huge smiles on their faces. Stacy puts this photo in her pocket and picks up a set of keys. She gets out of the transporter and gets into her car. She is about to drive off but Shaggy sees her and waves her down)

Shaggy: "Stacy! Where are you going at this time of night?"

Stacy: "I've got some things to do in town. I don't know how long I'll be, so please don't tell Rowsthorn I'm gone."

Shaggy: "Hey, you may be losing your job, but I still want to keep mine!" (pause) "I'm sorry to lash out like that, Stacy, you don't deserve it. You have my word."

Stacy: "Thanks, Shaggy. I just hope I know where everything is."

(With that, Stacy starts her car and drives towards the underground tunnel, leaving the track)

END ACT 1

ACT 2

SCENE 1

("Happy Home" by Garbage plays in the background of the following sequence)

(A montage plays of Stacy driving around suburban Lawndale. She pulls up at the Griffin house, which looks exactly the same as it did in 2002. Stacy gets out and rings the doorbell, only for an unknown woman to open the door. Stacy slumps her shoulders, walks back to the car and drives off. After a bit more driving, she pulls up to another house, that of the Blum-Deckler family. Stacy walks up to the front door and knocks. No response. Stacy knocks again. She goes to look in a window, but sees no furniture. The house is vacant. Dejected, Stacy gets back in her car and leaves. Finally, Stacy pulls up to the Morgendorffer house. It is basically the same as what it was in 2002, except for a different colour of paint on the outside. Stacy gets out of her car and walks up to the front door-step. The music fades out as she is about to knock on the door, but she stops)

Stacy: "No. I can't do this. Sandi and Tiffany have clearly moved on. Quinn probably has as well. I'm not going to waste the time of whoever lives here now."

(Stacy, more dejected, turns around to go back to her car, but a light turns on, and a door is heard opening)

Familiar Female Voice (off-screen): "Stacy?"

Stacy: "Quinn?"

(Stacy turns around, and upon seeing who it is, smiles)

Stacy: "Quinn! I'm so glad you're here!"

(Cut to Quinn standing in the doorway. She has slightly shorter hair as she did in high school, but it is still the same orange colour. She is dressed in a pink nightie, reflective of the more conservative style of dress she adopted in the later years of high school. Stacy runs up to her and gives her a huge hug)

Quinn: "Oh my God it has been so long! I haven't heard from you in years! How are you?"

Stacy: "Honestly, Quinn, not great. Things are falling apart everywhere. I don't know what to do."

Quinn: "Oh, Stacy I'm sorry. Come in and we'll talk about it. Maybe getting it all off your chest may make you feel better."

(Quinn and Stacy walk inside and Quinn closes the door behind her)

SCENE 2

(Fade to Stacy sitting in the living room. The interior looks vastly different to what it used to look like, with a stylish furniture setting and a flat-screen TV mounted on the wall. It plays a familiar show)

TV Announcer (VO): "A reference to a fictional TV show within a TV show shoehorned into a fanfic to boost the word count? Unnecessary padding, up next on Sick Sad World!"

(Stacy picks up a remote, examines it briefly and presses the mute button)

Stacy: "I like what you have done to the place, Quinn. Didn't this used to be your parents house?"

Quinn (off-screen): "It was, but Dad decided to retire, so he and Mom moved out of Lawndale and left the house to me and Daria."

(Quinn walks in with two mugs of coffee. She gives one to Stacy and puts her own on the coffee table in front of them and sits down)

Stacy: "How is she?"

Quinn: "She's all right. She hosts a breakfast TV show with Jane Lane now, so she spends a lot of time either at work or sleeping. So... tell me what's wrong?"

Stacy: "OK... you know I race cars for a living, don't you?"

Quinn: "Of course I do. I was the one who gave you that coupon for hot laps as a joke, but I was so happy for you when you got the SCUSA Cup drive. I tried to call you but you changed your number, apparently. And besides, you've been all over the TV here for the last 2 weeks! You're the local girl made good at something no-one expected her to do!"

Stacy: "Really? Cool..." (pause) "Quinn, I'm sorry I didn't give you my new number. I was going through some rough times after I got fired from my truck team and I shut myself away."

Quinn: "No problem."

Stacy: "How did we drift apart after college anyway?"

Quinn: (takes a sip of her coffee) "Just got busy with other things. I mean I started my own company, you with your racing... um... do you know what Sandi and Tiffany are doing?"

Stacy: "Sorry Quinn, I don't. I thought I saw Tiffany in an ad on TV late one night a few months ago, but it might have been someone else."

Quinn: "Sorry to get you off topic, but I haven't heard from either of them in years."

Stacy: "Me neither. We used to be so close... anyway, a lot of the other drivers think I should quit and my team is sacking me because they say they can't get any sponsorship while I'm driving the car. Not to mention my personal life is a wreck. I haven't been on a date in 3 years and I'm as lonely as all hell. I'm at a loss Quinn."

(Stacy starts crying. Quinn gets up and gives her a hug)

Quinn: "Stacy, it'll all work out for the best. You just have to think positive. Tell you what. I know tickets are sold out, but I'll pull some strings and see if I can come see you at your race on Sunday."

Stacy: "Thanks so much Quinn. You don't have to if you don't want to."

Quinn: "But I do want to. You should probably head back to the track now. It's nearly midnight."

Stacy: "All right... we should really hang out more soon, Quinn."

Quinn: "I think we should too, Stacy. See you."

Stacy: "Bye."

(They give each other a hug and they go outside. As Stacy walks to her car, a thunder clap is heard, implying that rain is on the way. Stacy drives away, as Quinn looks on from the doorway. She looks back inside)

Quinn: (to herself) "Stacy must really be wound up. She barely drank her coffee."

(Quinn walks back inside ands closes the door)

SCENE 3

(Fade to Stacy sleeping in a bed in her transporter. She is tossing and turning slightly. Transition to her dream. We are viewing this in Stacy's POV. She is behind the wheel of her race car, in the middle of a race. As she turns a corner, we hear various people in her head...)

Rowsthorn (VO): "...the sponsors don't want to be riding a sinking ship..."

Cahill (VO): "...maybe she's just not cut out for SCUSA anymore..."

Holman (VO): "...she should probably get out while she still has her dignity..."

(...just then, a car spins into another ahead of her. Another car begins to barrel-roll down the straight. We see Stacy try to steer away, but she clips a car and is sent into the air. We see sky, ground, sky again, grass, other cars, sky, catch fencing and finally the crowd until we see the screen quickly cut to black. We hear screams and crunching metal for about 3 seconds until we cut back to Stacy in her bed, who sits bolt upright, breathing heavy and in a cold sweat. She looks over to an alarm clock. The bright red LED reads "03:41")

Stacy: "I'm OK... I'm OK. Wow."

(Stacy looks out the window. Lightning flashes, lighting up the night sky, as well as showing the steady rain. Stacy then goes back to sleep)

SCENE 4

(Cut to morning, and we are back at the Morgendorffer house. The rain is heavier than the previous night. Quinn is preparing her breakfast in the kitchen while Daria (who doesn't work Saturdays) sits at the dining table reading the Lawndale Sun-Herald)

Quinn: "Say, Daria... you follow the local news, don't you?"

Daria: (puts the paper down) "Only because I have to."

Quinn: (sitting down at the table with her breakfast) "Do you happen to know what Sandi Griffin and Tiffany Blum-Deckler are doing nowadays?"

Daria: "Correct me if I'm wrong but they were your friends, right?"

Quinn: "Yes they were. It's important, Daria, I have to find them so we can all see Stacy Rowe at her race tomorrow."

Daria: "Sorry Quinn, I don't." (pause) "But this might be something."

Quinn: "What is it?"

(Daria turns the paper around and points to an article titled "Griffin involved in Mafia scandal". Quinn begins reading it)

Quinn: "Prominent West Coast socialite Alexandra "Sandi" Griffin has come under scrutiny as news of Mafia investment in her escort business begin to surface."

Daria: "I could only imagine what she offered that they couldn't refuse."

Quinn: "I'm not too worried about that... not right now. The main thing is that I can contact her! All I need to do is find her business on the web, get the contact details and they could put me through to her! And since she was a lot closer to Tiffany, she could tell me where to find her too! Thanks Daria!"

(Quinn runs out of the room, presumably to her computer. Daria picks up the newspaper and starts reading it again)

Daria: "Dad was right. This newspaper has caused nothing but trouble."

SCENE 5

(Fade to Stacy in her transporter. Qualifying is supposed to be taking place now, but the rain has cancelled the session. Stacy is sitting on her bed, watching SportsTalk on her TV)

Marsland: "With the heavy rain in the Lawndale area causing qualifying to be cancelled, the field has been set by championship standings."

Kavalee: "Cahill will start off the pole from Holman and Emerton, but more importantly for the home town fans is the news that Stacy Rowe has scraped into the field in the 43rd and last position. Rowe, currently 44th in the championship, only made the race when Michael Grella had his heavy crash in practice yesterday, writing off the Sports Shorts #75 car."

Marsland: "We had confirmation on Friday of Rowe's departure from the Rowsthorn Racing team via a press conference, but now there are new rumours of friction between Rowe and long-time team owner Glenn Rowsthorn. Unverified sources say they saw Rowe leaving the track on Friday night and..."

(Stacy turns off the TV and looks out the window at the heavy rain. We hear Stacy's thoughts)

Stacy (thinking): "Rain. To some, it's just water falling from the sky. At least that's what it used to be for me. Now, it's the great eraser, washing away the past, allowing the new future to be written over the top of it. Tomorrow, I shall write my future, whether it's here in SCUSA, or it's not. One thing is certain though. I have things to prove... To everyone."

END ACT 2

ACT 3

SCENE 1

(It's race day at Lawndale Motor Speedway. Track workers are shown drying the track with jet blowers following the previous night's rain. People are shown walking through turnstiles and filling up the grandstand on the main straight, until the stand is shown to be completely full. The crowd is noisy and ready for racing. Cut to the bathroom of Stacy's transporter, where Stacy is shown in her race suit (unbranded) psyching herself up in the mirror as she ties her hair into her signature braids)

Stacy: "OK, Stacy. Friday night was just a nightmare. That will not happen to you if you just keep your nerves. Oh boy, this is hard. All right, this is probably your last race. You're in your home city, in front of people you haven't seen in years. Please don't embarrass yourself... no wait. Um... you're going to finish? No... not positive enough. You're going to win. Yes. You are going to win. YOU ARE GOING TO WIN STACY ROWE! YOU! ARE! GOING! TO! WIN!"

(Stacy thumps her fist on the counter for each of the last five words. She picks up her balaclava and her helmet. The helmet is now light blue and yellow, in a similar design to the shirt she wore in the early years of the show. She walks out the door to go to her car, but stops when she sees her former Fashion Club colleagues Sandi and Tiffany walking her way, accompanied by Quinn. Quinn is in a business suit, much like the one her mother used to wear but more stylish and a different shade of red. Sandi is in similar clothing, but instead of pants she is wearing a short skirt. She is also wearing sunglasses, as a way of concealing her identity in light of her recent troubles. Tiffany is dressed in typical gypsy attire, reflective of her current career)

Stacy (surprised): "Sandi? Tiffany? What are you guys doing here?"

Sandi: "Isn't it obvious? Quinn brought us here to like support you in your car race today."

Tiffany (slowly): "Yeah, go Stacy."

Quinn: "You wouldn't believe the trouble I had trying to get a hold of them. Sandi is running an escort service on the West Coast now..."

Sandi (shocked): "Sshhh! I'm trying to keep a low profile in regards to my employment situation."

Quinn: "...as I was saying, she is doing that, and Tiffany is a phone psychic. You wouldn't believe how much money I spent talking to her last night!"

Tiffany (slowly): "I know, right?"

Stacy: "So it was you I saw on TV that time?"

Tiffany (confused): "What?"

Stacy: "Never mind. Anyway, thanks for coming guys, but I'm not sure if I can win. I mean, I want to win but my team has no money to improve the car."

Quinn: "Sandi, Tiffany, I'll meet you in the corporate box. Stacy, walk and talk with me."

(Stacy and Quinn walk away to go to her car, while Sandi and Tiffany head off in the opposite direction to the underground tunnel on their way to Quinn's corporate box)

SCENE 2

(We see an array of drivers getting ready, including Cahill and Holman. We then cut to Stacy and Quinn as they walk up to the Rowsthorn Racing pit area, where the car is)

Stacy: "...I understand what you said to me last night, and I've really taken it to heart. But I still don't think the car is fast enough. All the pep talks in the world can't fix that thing."

Quinn: "I know. That's why I did what I did."

Stacy (confused): "Wait... what did you do to my car?"

Quinn: "See for yourself."

(Quinn lifts up the plastic tent door. Stacy walks through and sees a team of mechanics, including Shaggy, doing all sorts of things to her car. She notices a shiny new engine being put into the front section. As she walks over to it, the mechanics close the hood. Stacy notices a large logo on the hood that she has never seen before. It is an interlocking "Q" and "C", with the words "QuinnCo Financial" written underneath in orange writing. As she walks around the car in amazement, she sees that this logo is placed on the side of the car, as well as on the back)

Stacy (nearly crying): "You're... you're sponsoring my car?"

Quinn: "Only for this race. I couldn't talk Rowsthorn into letting you stay for the rest of the season because I couldn't sponsor the team full-time, but he'll see what he can do for you next season. I also paid for the new parts."

Stacy: "You did this for me? Why?"

Quinn: "You were the closest friend I had, Stacy. You were always trying to be on my side whenever Sandi and I had issues in the Fashion Club, regardless of who was right or wrong."

Stacy: "But I thought your company was losing money. I read it in the newspaper this morning."

Quinn: (sighs) "It is, Stacy, but not enough to not do something for a friend."

Stacy: "Oh... thank you Quinn!"

(Quinn and Stacy hug. When they finish, Stacy puts on her balaclava and helmet. Shaggy walks over, wiping his oily hands with a rag)

Shaggy: "She's all ready to go." (looks over to Quinn) "This is a really nice thing you're doing here, Ms. Morgendorffer."

Quinn: "Thanks Shaggy. It's the least I can do."

(Stacy starts walking over to her car, but Quinn grabs her arm to say one last thing to her)

Quinn: "Hey, good luck out there Stacy."

Stacy (slightly muffled by her helmet): "Don't need it. Not anymore."

SCENE 3

("Assassin" by Muse plays in the background of the following sequence)

(A montage of the many drivers (including Stacy) getting into their cars. Cuts are made to Mr. Rowsthorn (who is sitting on a chair in the garage, watching the race by himself), various pit crews, the girls making their way to seats in the corporate box, to a reverend reading the invocation...)

Reverend: "Dear Lord, we thank you for giving us the privilege of enjoying our beloved motor sport spectacle in your presence. We ask of you to keep our drivers safe, their actions sharp and their minds clear. We ask you to keep our race officials judgment fair, equal and unbiased. Finally, we ask you to keep our fans nourished and entertained for this wonderful day. We ask this, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

(...to the three Js, who became hosts of (recently cancelled) MTV Total Request Live, saying "the most famous words in motorsport"...)

Jeffy: "Ladies..."

Joey: "...and..."

Jamie: "...gentlemen..."

Jeffy, Joey and Jamie (in unison): "...START YOUR ENGINES!!!"

Joey: "There's only one girl in the race, Jeffy. You got it all wrong!"

Jeffy: "At least I didn't skip the rehearsal yesterday unlike some people... Jimmy."

Jamie: "For the last freaking time, it's Jamie!"

Joey: "We know, but what are you going to do about it?"

Jamie: "THIS!!!" (he punches Joey in the mouth)

(The three Js start fighting on the podium, eventually falling off of it into the front infield. The music fades out as, finally, we cut to Marsland and Kavalee in the commentary booth)

Marsland: "We welcome you to glorious Lawndale and the brand-new Lawndale Motor Speedway for the 9th race of the 2010 SCUSA Cup Series, the Ultra Cola 500. This capacity crowd is in for a fantastic race today, as the championship race between Harry Cahill and Lucas Holman heats up."

Kavalee: "And that capacity crowd are surely right behind local girl Stacy Rowe. She is starting in 43rd today, but her team has picked up QuinnCo Financial as a sponsor for today's race, allowing much-needed car improvements to be made by Shaggy Rogers and the rest of the #2 crew."

Marsland: "Unfortunately, it will be her last race in the #2 for the foreseeable future as she is leaving Rowsthorn Racing. Reports say that they have already signed Mile Bresciano to drive the car later in the season. But as for today, Rowe is going out there with pride, conviction and purpose, and she will either win today or go out in a blaze of glory."

(Cut to the cars being led around by the pace car, then to inside cockpit views of Stacy, Cahill and Holman, finally to the race control box where a race official waves green flags as they speed past)

Marsland (VO): "And the race is under way! Cahill holding the inside track as we go around the first corner..."

(A brief montage of Stacy driving past multiple drivers is played. Cut to a shot of the totem pole scoreboard, which displays Stacy as being in 21st place with 150 laps to go. Cut to the girls in the corporate box. Quinn and Tiffany look happy, but Sandi looks bored)

Sandi (slightly impatient): "Come on already Stacy! Drive faster so we can like get out of here. Tiffany, use your psychic powers to make her better or something."

Tiffany (slowly): "I'll try."

(Quinn shakes her head and facepalms. Back to the race, and Stacy is up to 14th, according to the totem pole scoreboard, with 100 laps to go. Stacy tries to go past a driver, but as she drives down the track, they make contact and spin into the wall)

Kavalee (VO): "Incident at Turn 3! The #2 and the #89 are in the wall!"

Marsland (VO): "That's Stacy Rowe and Mark Valeri in the wall, and the yellow flags are out. Luckily no one else has been caught up in this incident."

Kavalee (VO): "What a shame for Rowe. Her home race could be ruined by a blown tyre from the Valeri car."

Marsland (VO): "And his blowout is not the first we've seen today. The track has been eating through tyres today like you wouldn't believe and it could be a major factor in determining the results of this race."

(As that was being said, Stacy has driven the car back to pit lane. It is damaged, but it is still driveable. Her team start work on repairing the back of the car)

Stacy (almost hyperventilating): "Dammit dammit dammit! Why does this have to happen to me?"

(She thumps the dashboard in anger, which knocks down a photo that was tucked into the roll cage. It lands on Stacy's lap, and she picks it up and looks at it. It's the same Fashion Club graduation photo from earlier, but written on it now in black pen is "Think positive. Quinn". Despite her wearing a helmet, you can tell by her eyes that she is smiling)

Shaggy (VO): "It's going to take another lap to repair the damage. You'll be 3 laps down when you get back out there. Think you can manage a result?"

Stacy: "I'll go better than simply a result. I'm going to win."

SCENE 4

("Road Racin'" by Riot plays in the background of the following sequence)

(A montage plays of Stacy driving past multiple drivers in increasingly impressive ways. The scene rapidly cuts between race action, reaction shots of the crowd, the girls in the corporate box cheering (even Sandi, eventually) and the totem pole scoreboard, which displays Stacy's car number going higher up the pole as she passes more drivers, as well as the number of laps remaining. The montage stops and the music fades out with Stacy in 7th place, but with only 3 laps to go. Cut to the commentary booth)

Marsland: "With only 2 laps to go it is a 3 way battle for the lead between Harry Cahill in the Ultra Cola #84, his team-mate Tim Emerton in the Pizza Forest #42 and Lucas Holman in the Bro & QB Ice Cream #90 car. 3 more cars are within 3 seconds of them, but the story of the race has to be Stacy Rowe in the QuinnCo Financial #2, fighting her way into the Top 10 in her last race for Rowsthorn Racing."

(Cut to a tracking view of Stacy's race car)

Kavalee (VO): "It's already a great story for the local girl, but you'd think that she wanted the win today."

Marsland (VO): "Of course she would have, but with only 1 lap to go, she is still 15 seconds off the lead. But anything can happen in SCUSA racing."

(Cut to a tracking view of Cahill's race car, then an inside cockpit view of Cahill)

Cahill's Race Engineer (Radio VO): "You have to conserve your tyres! They can't handle any more stress!"

Cahill: "No. I have to maintain the lead!"

(Cut to a view of a tyre blowing. It is that of Cahill. He is shown struggling to control the car and he spins into Emerton. This sends him on a barrel-roll down the back straight. Meanwhile, Cahill is hit by Holman, as well as the 3 cars behind them)

Marsland (VO): "A huge crash on the back straight! I see at least 6 cars involved!"

(Cut to Stacy's POV in her car. As she drives up to the scene, we see that this crash is almost exactly that of Stacy's dream a couple of nights earlier. The sequence is now in slow motion, and you can only hear a rapid heartbeat. Cuts are made to Mr. Rowsthorn, Stacy's pit crew, to the girls in the corporate box, to various people in the crowd. All of them look scared. Cut back to Stacy, who is wide-eyed and sweating. She steers to the right to try and avoid the crash, again like in her dream. However, this time, she doesn't get clipped by the car she tried to avoid, and makes it through the carnage unscathed. The sequence goes back to full speed, the sound of the heartbeat transitions into that of a roaring crowd)

Marsland (VO): "Rowe has avoided the crash! She has made it through the chaos and now leads the race! What a turnaround in events!"

Kavalee (VO): "And the yellow flags are out! The race will end under yellow flag conditions, and this means that Stacy Rowe, of all people, will win the Ultra Cola 500! She will become the first ever lady driver to win a SCUSA race, and she does it on her home circuit!"

(Cut to a view from the race control box, where a race official waves both a yellow and a chequered flag as Stacy drives past)

Marsland (VO): "This will be one of the great stories in motorsport anywhere in the world this year. This 26-year-old from right here in Lawndale, has overcome unbelievable odds to win here today. Her team has been a start-and-park outfit since the third race in Wappington Mills, but Stacy Rowe has raced her heart out for the entire season, let alone today's 500 miles. While you can't deny that there was a lot of luck involved in the end, you cannot say she didn't deserve it. I will go as far as saying that out of anyone out there today, she probably deserved to win the most. Stacy Rowe, today's winner of the Ultra Cola 500 at Lawndale Motor Speedway!"

(As this is being said, cuts are made to various people celebrating. Mr. Rowsthorn gets up off his chair and waves his arms around in celebration before running out of the garage, Stacy's pit crew are jumping around in pit lane, the girls in the corporate box are squealing in girlish excitement and the crowd in the grandstand are cheering the loudest they've been all day. The final cut is to Stacy pulling up into Victory Lane and climbing out of her car, taking off her helmet and balaclava, then climbing on top of her car. She raises her arms in victory, then jumps into the waiting arms of Shaggy and the rest of her pit crew, who throw her up and down in celebration)

SCENE 5

(Fade into the victory presentation, as we see Stacy shake hands with the second and third place getters, two previously unseen drivers Mile Bresciano and David Federici. Bresciano is wearing a "Diet Ultra Cola" race suit while Federici is wearing an unbranded race suit, much like Stacy's. Other drivers walk past to give congratulations)

Cahill: "Well done, ma'am. I know I will never question your driving ability again now that you've beaten us in a fair race. You definitely belong here."

Holman: "You are for real. I hope you can find a drive for the rest of the year. It would be a shame to lose you."

Stacy: "Thanks, guys."

(Trophies are presented to Bresciano and Federici)

Track Announcer (VO): "Here now to present the 1st place trophy to the winner of the Ultra Cola 500, Stacy Rowe..." (loud cheers from the grandstand) "...are the hosts of Lawndale's highest-rated breakfast television program. From "Mornings with Daria and Jane", please welcome Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane!"

(Daria and Jane appear on the stage, holding a large trophy. Both are dressed in smart casual clothing, but Daria still has her glasses and Jane her earrings)

Daria: "The moron got the name of our show wrong."

Jane: "Don't worry too much. There will be hundreds upon thousands of people ready to correct him when he gets out of that booth."

(They walk up to Stacy)

Stacy: "How did you..."

Daria: (puts her free hand up as if you say "Stop") "It's a long story. We'll hitch a ride for your next race and tell you then."

Jane: "You sure have come a long way from the girl we knew nothing about in high school."

Stacy: "Thanks, Jane... I think."

Daria: "I mean, 500 miles around and around in a circle... doesn't that just sum up life in general?"

Stacy: "You two haven't changed a bit, have you?"

Jane (mock offended): "Yeah we have."

Daria: "Instead of sharing our unique view on the world with only each other, we now share it with 63% of Lawndale's breakfast television audience."

(They each shake her hand and give her a quick hug, although Daria looks slightly uncomfortable with it, and give Stacy the trophy. As they walk off to the side of the stage, Stacy holds it up high to rapturous applause from the fans, the girls in the corporate box, the other drivers on the podium and even Daria and Jane)

SCENE 6

(Fade to Stacy on her bed in the team transporter, still holding her trophy, watching the TV. She has now taken off her race suit, and is in casual attire not dissimilar to what she wore at the back end of high school. There is a knock on the door)

Stacy: "Who is it?"

Rowsthorn (VO): "It's Glenn. I would like to speak to you."

(Stacy gets up off the bed, puts the trophy on it and opens the door. Rowsthorn is indeed standing there)

Rowsthorn: "Great job out there today, Stacy!

Stacy: "Uh... thanks?"

Rowsthorn: "I may have misjudged you after all. Now let's talk business. I can't get you a drive here for the rest of the season because I've already signed Bresciano from Cilauro Sports, but a seat is waiting for you for next year, and the season after that. And no more of this start-and-park crap either because we have sponsors lined up out the door for you. Waif is offering a 7 figure deal! What do you say?"

(Rowsthorn presents a clipboard with what appears to be a contract on it as well as a pen on an attached string. As she picks up the pen, she sees Quinn, Sandi and Tiffany walking over. She stops and looks at them, and then back at the contract, then back at Rowsthorn)

Stacy: "Sorry." (she looks over to Quinn, Sandi and Tiffany, and smiles) "I have other arrangements."

(Stacy gives the clipboard back to Rowsthorn. She walks over to the girls and they give each other a group hug and start walking towards the exit. Rowsthorn stands there, somewhat disappointed, then he closes the transporter door)

Sandi: "Um... like what was that all about?"

Stacy: "Nothing. Just some legal stuff with the old team I have to do later."

Quinn: "You do know you are now the most wanted free agent in SCUSA racing, don't you Stacy?"

Stacy: "I know, but for now I just want to chill here in Lawndale for a while. With my friends." (pause) "You guys are staying here for a while, right?"

Sandi: "I can't see the harm. Running the business has been like a little... um... tiring as of late anyway."

Tiffany (slowly): "Sounds great."

Stacy: "Hey, who wants to go shopping like old times?" (she holds up a cheque, which reads "Award to Ultra Cola 500 winner to the sum of $4,000,000") "My treat!"

(The reunited Fashion Club cheer and walk off into the sunset, presumably to a high-fashion clothing outlet. Fade to credits)

(The closing credits are played over "Better Than You" by Lash)

THE END

LEGAL STUFF

Quoted Songs

"You're Standing On My Neck"

(Wygal)

Performed by Splendora

"Homecoming (Part I: The Death of St. Jimmy)"

(Armstrong)

Performed by Green Day

From the album "American Idiot"

"Happy Home"

(Manson/Marker/Erikson/Vig)

Performed by Garbage

From the album "Bleed Like Me"

"Assassin"

(Bellamy/Wolstenholme/Howard)

Performed by Muse

From the album "Black Holes and Revelations"

"Road Racin'"

(Speranza/Reale)

Performed by Riot

From the album "Narita"

"Better Than You"

(Reid/Pearson/Bennett/Slayford)

Performed by Lash

From the album "The Beautiful and the Damned"

The name Dewey "Shaggy" Rogers originates from fics written by authors other than myself. No harm was intended by my use of this name.

All pre-existing Daria characters, locations and products are trademarks of MTV Networks and Viacom International. All other characters, locations and products were created by me and are completely fictional. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, by any of my fictional characters is unintentional and purely coincidental. This parody of Daria is copyright (c) 2010-2011 by The Excellent S and was written with no intentions for future profit. This parody was written for www.outpost-daria.com and may not be redistributed or reposted on any other website without the permission of the author.

Special thanks to Martin Pollard for hosting this story at his website and to The Angst Guy, Charles RB and LibertyBellJar at The Paperpusher's Message Board for their feedback.

If you would like to send some feedback and questions about this or any of my other Daria projects, please contact me at the PPMB.

NO REGION 4 DARIA DVD SET, NO PEACE

This story was originally written from the 6/11/2010 to 6/21/2010. Revisions were made after the initial submission of the story.