Survivor's Guilt

Description: What happens when one Morgendorffer girl commits suicide and how does the other one react?

Daria sat in her room, while thinking about what to do. She finally made up her mind and went to Quinn's room.

D: (knocking) Quinn?

Q: What!

D: Umm, can I talk to you?

Q: Can't it wait? I was about to call Stacy.

D: (realizing) Yeah, sorry.

She goes back to her room and takes the knife she had hidden under her pillow earlier. Should I write a note? she thought. Nah, no one would care except Jane and she wouldn't want one anyway. With that, Daria drew the knife across her wrist and then quickly across the other one. She laid back and soon went into the blissful darkness...


Jake, Helen, and Quinn all sat in the Emergency Room. Jake was bawling, Helen was sobbing quietly and Quinn was off in her own world.

She only wanted to talk to me for a minute. But I was so damn self absorbed, I wouldn't even look at her. Quinn thought to herself.

The doctor came out and one look told them what they needed to know. It had been too late when they had found her.

Dr: I'm so sorry.


The day of Daria's funeral dawned bright and sunny. Quinn hated it. Daria would have preferred rain. She thought about what to wear. She decided that the only person who really liked the outfit she wore was Daria. So, against protests of Helen and Jake, she put on her jeans and pink tee shirt. Jane was the only one who got it. Jane had last night. She had stayed in Quinn's room so that she wouldn't be alone. Jane was also wearing her usual attire.

J: Daria wouldn't want me to get dressed up.

Q: I know, she hated people making a fuss over her.

J: (looks at Quinn, surprised) I know.

Q: (defensively) I know more about her than you seem to think. I did LOVE her, Jane. She was my sister!

With that, Quinn burst into tears and Jane held on to her.

Q: I wanted to be like her so much, but she never wanted anything to do with me. Oh Jane, she came into my room and asked to talk to me. I brushed her off! It was my fault!

J: It wasn't your fault. Quinn, you really never knew Daria, did you?

Blowing her nose, Quinn shook her head. Jane reached into her backpack and pulled out the notebooks that Daria had given her days before. It was her dairy.

J: (reading from the dairy) Another day of being an outcast and of being Quinn's cousin. (Quinn winced at this) I don't understand why she hates me so much. But I can't let her know she's getting to me. They'll have me committed! Maybe I should be. I can't help it, but more and more it seems like ending my life seems like the best solution. (Jane turned to another page) This is a poem.

"Silent Tears"*
Although you can't see them
They're there.
Softly, I weep to myself.
Who can I talk to?
Who can I tell?
How about Mom?
No, mom's never there.
How about Dad?
No, dad doesn't care.
Anger, frustration, and pain
Build up inside me
And then suddenly, I explode.

Quinn knew then, that she had never really known her sister. And now she never would. Daria hadn't hated her, but had thought Quinn hated her. She turned, crying, to Jane, who to her amazement, was also crying. Maybe she could get to know her, know her through Jane, through her journals and poetry. But right now, she had to work through the survivor's guilt.

* This was a poem I wrote my sophomore year in high school when I tried to kill myself. I have wanted to share this poem, but have never shared it with anyone. I hope you enjoyed it and remember, SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER!!!! Things might get worse before they get better, but they WILL get better!

This was my first attempt at a fan fic. Let me know how you liked it! ~ Bella