THE REST OF MY DAMN LIFE (SERIES TWO): A Ranting Klown series

 

 

EPISODE 20

AERIS RUNNING SHOES

 (Jane meets a new guy, while Daria and Trent resolve their issues)

 

 

Scene I (INT, Night, the Pimento)

 

TRENT

Hey, we're Mystik Spiral, but we're thinking of changing the name

 

(Band start to play Icebox Woman)

 

LUCY

Wow, you weren't kidding about the band...

 

JANE

Yeah, well, imagine listening to them practice for 18 years...or what seemed to be 18 years...

 

LUCY

Now consider that I'm in the BFAC music program

 

JANE

So you'd be getting a whole different level of pain out of this, wouldn't you?

 

LUCY

You guessed it partner, they do have one saving grace though....

 

JANE

What would that be dear Scarlet?

 

 LUCY

The front man is cute...

 

JANE

You know he's my brother right?

 

(Lucy casts her mind back)

 

LUCY

Oh God. He is isn't he? I remember now....so...I'm going to go hide in the bathroom until you've decided not to hate me...

 

JANE

Chill Lucy, I'll even introduce you to him...

 

(Band stops playing)

 

TRENT

We'll be back for the second set in an hour

 

JESSE

This was the first set!

 

(Band walk off stage, and Trent approaches Jane and Lucy)

 

TRENT

Hey Jane, chick...

 

JANE

He's a soulful poet isn't he? Trent, this is Lucy, Lucy, Trent...

 

LUCY

How do you do?

 

TRENT

Cool (Trent takes an instant liking to her)

 

LUCY

I liked your set...

 

TRENT

Cool...so you're Jane's roomie?

 

LUCY

Yeah, we both go to BFAC

 

TRENT

Cool, hey, do you want to get a burger or something?

 

LUCY

What kind of a southern belle would I be if I turned down a generous invitation like that.....

 

TRENT

Hmm...don't know. All I know is that there's a hankering I have....

 

LUCY

I bet there is....

 

(Lucy and Trent leave)

 

JANE

Damn...I guess it is true what they say about redheads. Hmmmm.....

 

(Daria and Preston enter)

 

PRESTON

So, then I just had to point out that his Marxist theory was severely outdated....

 

DARIA

Of course you had to...

 

PRESTON

You know me, always thinking of others...

 

DARIA

Hey Jane...

 

JANE

Hey, if it isn't the auburn Queen herself.....

 

DARIA

Excuse me?

 

JANE

Just something I've been pondering....

 

 (Daria looks around)

 

DARIA

Where's Trent?

 

JANE

Went to get a burger....

 

DARIA

Preston, would you get us a soda?

 

PRESTON

As long as you never utter that phrase again....(Preston departs)

 

DARIA

Can I talk to you?

 

JANE

About what?

 

DARIA

It's about Trent...

 

JANE

He throw up in your dorm? Because normal cleaning products won't get that out...

 

DARIA

No....it's something much more embarrassing

 

(A mixture of surprise and horror from Jane, who realises that she just let Trent walk out with Lucy)

 

Scene II (INT, Night, Neill and Daria's Dorm)

 

(Neill and Christie watching a game of Rugby on DVD)

 

CHRISTIE

The only thing more boring than playing a sport is watching one...

 

NEILL

Hey, don't mock my way of life. Look at that Sailor.....Traitor!

 

CHRISTIE

What did he do?

 

NEILL

The most sacrilegious thing you can do from where I come from....

 

CHRISTIE

What? Did he kill a priest or something?

 

NEILL

Worse...he switched to New South Wales....Traitor!

 

CHRISTIE

(Turns off TV set) It's on DVD, so you can get angry all over again...

 

NEILL

I was watching that....

 

CHRISTIE

So, how's the leg coming along?

 

NEILL

Can't really tell yet, but the doctor says 5 weeks in, it's moving along nicely...

 

CHRISTIE

So...when do you start walking again?

 

NEILL

About 4 weeks, so after the mid-semester exams, I should be okay...

 

CHRISTIE

And when can you get back in the saddle?...I've been missing the pictures....

 

NEILL

Don't you have a girlfriend?

 

CHRISTIE

She's been missing them too...

 

NEILL

You two are the perfect couple. Although I'm surprised about Sandi, you know, me being a chauvinist pig and all

 

CHRISTIE

Yeah, don't tell her I said anything. So, when new pictures Don Juan?

 

NEILL

Well, I could now, but it would have to be very gentle sex, and what's the point of gentle sex?

 

CHRISTIE

Well, you do have a point...hey, didn't you...do the business with Jane?

 

NEILL

Yeah, what's your point?

 

CHRISTIE

Where are the pics buddy?

 

NEILL

Didn't take any

 

CHRISTIE

Didn't take any?

 

NEILL

You answer the phone while ironing again?

 

CHRISTIE

No....

 

NEILL

Just didn't feel like taking any....

 

CHRISTIE

Who are you, and what have you done with Neill?

 

Scene III (INT, Night, the Pimento)

 

DARIA

It was like, he was there and I was there...

 

JANE

Well, with your respective levels of coherence, you'd make a good couple...

 

(Preston walks up with refreshments)

 

PRESTON

Sup?

 

DARIA

Not much...

 

PRESTON

What are we talking about? Kashmir? Darfur? Flint?

 

JANE

Not as such...although that does have some sort of psychoanalytical significance....

 

(Daria stares at Jane)

 

(Preston stares at other side of room)

 

JANE

It's all this BFAC crap. It's been messing with my brain....

 

DARIA

Better then the government messing with your brain....I mean God Bless America... 

 

PRESTON

Don't look but at your 6, there's a guy staring right at us...

 

(Shot of a guy in Jeans in a Zappa T-shirt)

 

JANE

The guy in the Zappa shirt?

 

PRESTON

The very same...I think we should separate for a few minutes

 

DARIA

Why?

 

PRESTON

Guys get nervous when they approach a group, with the intention of asking one person out, it's just the way it is...

 

JANE

Sounds plausible...

 

(They separate)

 

(The guy walks towards Jane)

 

DARIA

Does this mean I'll have to go out with him?

 

(Switch to Guy and Jane)

 

GUY

Hey

 

JANE

Hey

 

GUY

I'm Charlie

 

JANE

Jane. So...you come here often?

 

CHARLIE

No. But I wish I had...

 

JANE

You're too kind, almost...too kind. Are you from some kind of cult?

 

(Charlie Chuckles)

 

CHARLIE

Well, if you consider a film school student to be a drone...

 

JANE

Hey, I'm BFAC, we're all drones....

 

CHARLIE

Wow....BFAC, so you're in the art program?

 

JANE

Yeah...

 

CHARLIE

Damn! You're a sucker for punishment aren't you?

 

JANE

Just smack me and call me gimpy

 

CHARLIE

I love a girl with a Tarintino reference handy....do you want to go get a slice or something?

 

JANE

Sure...because I just know that people who spot Tarintino references are well-adjusted human beings....

 

(They leave)

 

Scene IV (INT, Night, Daria and Neill's Dorm)

 

 (Daria enters, to find Neill infuriated with the TV)

 

NEILL

Forward Pass my arse ref!

 

DARIA

And how does one exactly do that?

 

NEILL

Oh, didn't hear you come in...

 

(Neill pauses game)

 

NEILL

So, how was the gig?

 

DARIA

We missed the first set, so I decided not to stay...

 

NEILL

Second set not all it's cracked up to be?

 

DARIA

Something like that...

 

NEILL

Can I ask you something?

 

DARIA

Can you not?

 

NEILL

No. I wanted to ask you if you minded chucking an extra 20 into the rent...

 

DARIA

Umm....sure...why?

 

NEILL

In between halving my profits with the radio station, and paying for treatment, I'm pretty much screwed...

 

DARIA

Doesn't your health plan cover broken legs?

 

NEILL

I'm on a student visa, I don't get healthcare...well I do, but it involves a surgeon called Butch

 

DARIA

Oh...well I guess I could...but what would I do without my pore refiner?

 

NEILL

Well you have it now, and you don't go out on dates, so I guess you can live without it...

 

DARIA

I would date, but you know, I have standards....

 

NEILL

Hmmm...

 

DARIA

What?

 

NEILL

Just wondering about something...

 

DARIA

What about?

 

NEILL

You may be hiding behind your standards....

 

DARIA

I don't call not hooking up with a random frat-boy hiding...

 

NEILL

Depends on your perspective, after all, as far as I can tell, you haven't been out on a date in about 7 months...

 

DARIA

Well....I....

 

NEILL

I reckon it's time you got back on the market...

 

DARIA

I think it's about time you started taking your mediation again...

 

NEILL

Of course there's always Brad....

 

DARIA

For the last time, I don't like Brad. He doesn't like me.

 

NEILL

Well what about that Trent guy who's staying with us....

 

DARIA

Trent?.....He's...uhh...too old for me....

 

NEILL

Sounds like your hiding again...besides...the bloke only looks about 25 or 26....

 

DARIA

And I'm 19....

 

NEILL

What's your point? Daria, you're not in High School anymore. You're in the adult world, where people don't care as much about age differences....

 

DARIA

At least Anna Nicole Smith doesn't anyhow.....

 

NEILL

Why are you still wearing the new look?

 

DARIA

Huh?

 

NEILL

You're still wearing that outfit.....

 

DARIA

Oh....yeah....

 

NEILL

So why?

 

DARIA

I guess I just want to know I could be sexy, or something. It doesn't mean I'm ready yet...I just...I'm not really explaining this well am I?

 

NEILL

You wanted to change the outside...but not the inside....

 

DARIA

Hey...I didn't say that!

 

NEILL

Sounds a little....superficial to me Daria....

 

DARIA

I.....

 

(Daria leaves)

 

NEILL

Like shooting fish in a barrel

 

(Neill turns on TV)

 

Scene V (INT, Night, Pizza Palace)

 

CHARLIE

So, shouldn't you be studying instead of hanging out with a miscreant like me?

 

JANE

Probably, but I get frustrated sometimes, so I need to clear my head, so I go out with people. Helps take my mind off the pain, besides, aren't miscreants supposed to congregate in the hopes of hooking up with other miscreants?

 

CHARLIE

Now, I can't believe you're a miscreant...

 

JANE

Oh...I can be very...miscreant-y when I want to....

 

CHARLIE

I know what you just said doesn't make any sense, but I somehow don't care...

 

JANE

That's....nice....

 

CHARLIE

I'm making a complete ass out of myself, aren't I?

 

JANE

It's not up to me to say, but if it was, I wouldn't say you weren't doing that bad of a job...

 

(Charlie Chuckles)

 

CHARLIE

You know what Jane Lane, you're alright....

 

JANE

Just alright?

 

CHARLIE

Okay, you're a hoot.

 

JANE

Hoot? You don't hear that around much these days...

 

CHARLIE

You don't hear a classic name like Jane Lane either, and yet here we are....

 

JANE

Indeed...

 

(Cell phone rings)

 

CHARLIE

Don't think of as rude, but I really have to take this....

 

JANE

That's okay....

 

CHARLIE

Talk to me....uh huh....uh huh....use the 3.2 lens...what!?....how did that clown lose our booking?....did you at least try to bribe him?......ugh!....OK...I'll be right there!

 

(Charlie hangs up phone)

 

CHARLIE

I'm afraid that some loser lost our studio booking, so I have to go, but I'd like to see you again soon....

 

JANE

I would too....oddly enough.

 

(Charlie starts to leave)

 

JANE

You don't have my number....

 

CHARLIE

I know you're Jane Lane from BFAC...I have the feeling that there aren't too many Jane Lane's from BFAC around....

 

(Charlie leaves)

 

Scene VI (INT, Day, Christie's Dorm)

 

(Christie and Daria watching TV)

 

TV

A cannibalistic chef with a taste for revenge, death by sashimi, next on sick sad world!

 

DARIA

Now I figure I've gone completely insane, or Neill may just be right...

 

CHRISTIE

About what?

 

DARIA

About me hiding...

 

CHRISTIE

You probably are, but everybody hides from something...

 

DARIA

Huh?

 

CHRISTIE

Think about it, everybody wants to take the easy road....

 

DARIA

I'm not following

 

CHRISTIE

Listen, we all want to be perfectly happy and well adjusted right?

 

DARIA

I want to be a smurf?

 

CHRISTIE

I don't think of them as well adjusted...anyhow, we get confronted by a problem and we run, its human nature to do so....

 

DARIA

I'm still not following

 

CHRISTIE

Ever wondered why the nice guys are snatched up by the bad girls and vice-versa?

 

DARIA

I blame the media

 

CHRISTIE

It's because the nice girls and nice guys look at each other, and see that they could be happy if the worked on it, but they don't want to work, so they go home with the bad girl or boy because it's easier to deal with an unemotional hook up then think about trying to be happy...

 

DARIA

I suppose I can see your point...

 

CHRISTIE

I know what I'm talking about. I did a semester of psychology way back in the day....

 

DARIA

Can I ask you about something?

 

CHRISTIE

I'm pretty sure you can put a question together....

 

DARIA

Say there's this girl....

 

CHRISTIE

Just a random, hypothetical girl?

 

DARIA

Exactly. Now...she finds out that her ex-boyfriend moved on before her...and then she sees a guy she used to...appreciate....and she almost does something she may regret....

 

CHRISTIE

Sounds like you...I mean...the totally hypothetical girl heard that her ex was moving on, and this guy she...appreciated once......came to town. She then thought she might jump that guy...it really sounds to me like the girl is running away from a much bigger question

 

DARIA

And what is that question?

 

CHRISTIE

She wants to know why she hasn't moved on....

 

DARIA

OK...suppose she does...then why almost jump the guy?

 

CHRISTIE

Because she's scared...she just wants to forget about the question....she wants to make the question disappear forever...so she takes drastic steps to make it go away...as if doing this thing, will solve all her problems. But at the end of the day, that question will still remain....and you...I mean the girl, would be doing something she would regret...

 

DARIA

Makes sense, vaguely...so she's not screwed up?

 

CHRISTIE

Not in particular. Everybody is running from something or someone in their past....

 

DARIA

We're not talking about me...I mean the girl anymore are we?

 

CHRISTIE

Maybe...maybe not....

 

Scene VII (INT, Early evening, Neill and Daria's Dorm)

 

NEILL

So, you're leaving us early mate?

 

TRENT

Yeah, there's some stuff I have to do back in Lawndale....

 

NEILL

I should probably call Daria and Jane....so they can say goodbye to you

 

TRENT

That uhh...won't be necessary....

 

NEILL

Don't you want to say goodbye to your sister?

 

TRENT

She knows about everything I've got to say....

 

NEILL

What about Daria?

 

TRENT

What about her?

 

NEILL

Don't you want to say goodbye to her?

 

TRENT

Daria? Not really....

 

NEILL

So what did she do to piss you off then?

 

TRENT

Huh?....have you seen my pick?

 

NEILL

You asked me that 5 minutes ago...and we found it behind the couch, remember?

 

TRENT

Remember...yeah....so....I guess I'll be going now....

 

NEILL

You could at least leave a note....

 

TRENT

A letter....that's not a bad idea....

 

NEILL

I said note, not letter mate....

 

TRENT

A letter will let me explain certain things....

 

NEILL

Have you been hanging out with Brad behind building 2?

 

TRENT

Not today. Got a pad?

 

NEILL

Daria's probably got one in her bedroom...

 

TRENT

Bedroom....nope...don't want to think about it...

 

NEILL

I'm not letting you leave without saying goodbye mate....

 

TRENT

What are you going to do? You're in a wheelchair...

 

NEILL

(Sighs) I guess I can't do anything to stop you....

 

(The phone rings)

 

(Neill picks up)

 

NEILL

Hey Christie...about who?.....She what?......so......I see......well that explains a lot......I got a feeling they might both be running......okay......I'll see you later......

 

TRENT

Who was that?

 

NEILL

It's not important. What's important is that Daria's in the park and think she'd like you to say goodbye to her, and something gives me the feeling she'd like to say goodbye to you......

 

TRENT

Mmmm....okay....thanks dude......I guess she's in good hands......

 

Scene VIII (INT, Early Evening, Jane and Lucy's Dorm)

 

(Lucy enters)

 

LUCY

Howdy Jane!

 

JANE

Is it just me, or are you overly chipper this morning?

 

LUCY

I'm not overly chipper...I think you're the one who's wearing the rose tinted glasses...

 

JANE

Huh?

 

LUCY

Word has it that you left the Pimento with some guy last night...anything happen?

 

JANE

Not much. We got a burger, talked about stuff....cool guy...I think I'll see him again....

 

LUCY

Well, you could use a break from those essays...

 

JANE

You're telling me. Hey, didn't you go out with Trent last night.....

 

LUCY

Yeah...but nothing happened....

 

JANE

And here I thought I was going to have a new sister-in-law....

 

LUCY

Your brother has some issues though....

 

JANE

Huh? What issues?

 

LUCY

Well, we were making out and all of a sudden he says "no"....and leaves.....

 

JANE

First of all...I really don't want to know what you did or didn't do with my brother, second of all...huh?

 

LUCY

I know! I mean, I was in pretty good form...said something about not running away. Ironic, because he then proceeded to run away...

 

JANE

That is weird...even for Trent....oh.....

 

LUCY

What?

 

JANE

Did he say anything about another girl?

 

LUCY

It's not like I was taking notes or anything....onto other topics...so you're not seeing that blonde guy anymore?

 

JANE

Huh?

 

LUCY

You know, that guy you used to have in here....

 

JANE

Neill?

 

LUCY

Yeah

 

JANE

We weren't dating....

 

LUCY

Whatever you want to call it...

 

JANE

We had a fling, sure...but that's it...

 

LUCY

So, you don't mind if I put the moves on him?

 

JANE

Uhh....no....I wouldn't mind would I?

 

(Jane looks out window)

 

LUCY

Jane?

 

Scene IX (EXT, Early Evening, Park)

 

(Daria is sitting on the ground, looking over the lake)

 

(Trent joins her)

 

TRENT

Cool lake

 

DARIA

Trent?

 

TRENT

Came to say goodbye...

 

DARIA

Goodbye?

 

TRENT

Yeah, stuff to do in Lawndale. So I decided I may go back early....

 

DARIA

Oh....

 

TRENT

Yeah...Can I talk about what.....

 

DARIA

Happened?

 

TRENT

Or didn't happen...

 

DARIA

Can't hurt...

 

TRENT

I'm sorry...

 

DARIA

What for?

 

TRENT

Hurting you...

 

DARIA

I'm sorry to inform you Mr Ego, you didn't hurt me, not you anyhow...

 

TRENT

I didn't? I thought...you know...you'd see it as some sort of rejection....

 

DARIA

No. I was more concerned about why I was pushed to that point...

 

TRENT

Huh?

 

DARIA

I found out that Tom left me behind...

 

TRENT

Oh.....

 

DARIA

Yeah...

 

TRENT

You know, this is actually pretty funny in a way...

 

DARIA

What do you mean?

 

TRENT

I was all freaked out because I was thinking about you in, that way, and I was seeing you as Janie's little friend all this time. Turns out you were actually growing up...

 

DARIA

Huh?

 

TRENT

You were looking for somebody, anybody, on the rebound....

 

DARIA

I was running away...

 

TRENT

Welcome to the adult world kiddo....

 

DARIA

So all adults run away from their problems by trying to find solace in somebody else, instead of answering the nagging questions?

 

TRENT

Just the really screwed up ones...like me......

 

DARIA

Huh?

 

TRENT

Don't worry about it...you know, if we weren't so screwed up, we'd make a good couple...

 

DARIA

We're just a couple of screw ups....but at least we're not joiners....

 

(Trent chuckles)

 

TRENT

Well, I was scared when you showed up in that outfit....

 

DARIA

I think I was scared myself...

 

TRENT

But then I saw that it wasn't about the look....

 

DARIA

It wasn't?

 

TRENT

No...it was something more than that....it was like...you weren't going to let anybody define you either way....they couldn't label you a screw-up or a joiner...and that's cool....it's like...you're the ultimate label buster...

 

DARIA

Huh...I guess I never thought about it that way before...

 

TRENT

Yeah...so...you want to talk about Tom?

 

DARIA

Not really

 

TRENT

It'll do you good....

 

DARIA

No

 

TRENT

I'll give you a dollar...

 

DARIA

I think you're still looking at me as a child...

 

TRENT

No...it's all I have...

 

DARIA

You really want to talk about this don't you?

 

(Trent nods)

 

DARIA

Tom. It's hard to know where to begin. It's like...even my past is moving on...while I stand still. I am a woman under emotional inertia.

 

TRENT

Could have fooled me...

 

DARIA

Probably why I wanted to move on so drastically...

 

TRENT

You will find a guy Daria, I'm sure of it. And he'll be smart and well adjusted...

 

DARIA

Smart maybe. Well adjusted....that is a matter of perspective...

 

TRENT

Always is...

 

DARIA

So, what are you going to do now?

 

TRENT

I should probably say goodbye to Jane...before I go...

 

DARIA

You're still going?

 

TRENT

Yeah...I do actually have stuff to do in Lawndale...

 

DARIA

Well, I'll probably get some dinner from the cafeteria....

 

TRENT

Cool....

 

DARIA

Oh....well...I guess this is goodbye....

 

(They awkwardly shake hands)

 

DARIA

Wow....that was pathetic....

 

(Hugs Trent)

 

DARIA

Now, where's my dollar?

 

Scene X (INT, Night, Cafeteria)

 

(Daria is standing in a line, when she comes up to the pudding)

 

(A guy comes up next to her and inspects the pudding)

 

GUY

I hate it when the pudding has skin on it....

 

DARIA

Yeah, pudding skin sure does blow....

 

GUY

I think of it is a layer of algae on a pristine lake...

 

DARIA

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

 

GUY

Probably not, but I'm in your class....

 

DARIA

Daria

 

(Holds out her hands)

 

GUY

Patrick

 

(They shake hands)

 

PATRICK

Wow, I always assumed my hand would fall off if I shook your hand...

 

DARIA

Leprosy?

 

PATRICK

No...more like going blind from staring at the sun too much. It's sure as hell beautiful, but can lead to permanent damage.

 

(Daria blushes)

 

END

 

-Who are the new men in Daria and Jane's life? Will Neill's recovery get ugly? Will Sandi think about Christie's offer? Will Lucy, Brad and Preston get a back story? All these questions and more, answered in coming episodes!-

 

 

(Authors Notes)

 

**Wow! That's 20 done! You may not get all the musing on the nature of relationships and such I'm putting in here, but It will make sense by the end of the series**

 

 

*Questions? Comments? Blue's Clues? Ranting_klown@hotmail.com *

 

 

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