THE REST OF MY DAMN
LIFE (SERIES TWO): A
Ranting Klown series
EPISODE 20
AERIS
RUNNING SHOES
(Jane meets a new guy, while Daria and Trent
resolve their issues)
Scene I (INT, Night,
the Pimento)
Hey, we're Mystik
Spiral, but we're thinking of changing the name
(Band start to play Icebox
Woman)
LUCY
Wow, you weren't kidding about
the band...
JANE
Yeah, well, imagine listening
to them practice for 18 years...or what
seemed to be 18 years...
LUCY
Now consider that I'm in the
BFAC music program
JANE
So you'd be getting a whole
different level of pain out of this, wouldn't you?
LUCY
You guessed it partner, they
do have one saving grace though....
JANE
What would that be dear
Scarlet?
LUCY
The front man is cute...
JANE
You know he's my brother
right?
(Lucy casts her mind back)
LUCY
Oh God. He is isn't he? I
remember now....so...I'm going to go hide in the bathroom until you've decided not
to hate me...
JANE
Chill Lucy, I'll even
introduce you to him...
(Band stops playing)
We'll be back for the second
set in an hour
JESSE
This was the first set!
(Band walk off stage, and
Hey Jane, chick...
JANE
He's a soulful poet isn't he?
LUCY
How do you do?
Cool (
LUCY
I liked your set...
Cool...so you're Jane's roomie?
LUCY
Yeah, we both go to BFAC
Cool, hey, do you want to get
a burger or something?
LUCY
What kind of a southern belle
would I be if I turned down a generous invitation like that.....
Hmm...don't know. All I know is that
there's a hankering I have....
LUCY
I bet there is....
(Lucy and Trent leave)
JANE
Damn...I guess it is true what
they say about redheads. Hmmmm.....
(Daria and
So, then I just had to point
out that his Marxist theory was severely outdated....
DARIA
Of course you had to...
You know me, always thinking
of others...
DARIA
Hey Jane...
JANE
Hey, if it isn't the auburn
Queen herself.....
DARIA
Excuse me?
JANE
Just something I've been
pondering....
(Daria looks around)
DARIA
Where's
JANE
Went to get a burger....
DARIA
As long as you never utter
that phrase again....(
DARIA
Can I talk to you?
JANE
About what?
DARIA
It's about
JANE
He throw up in your dorm? Because
normal cleaning products won't get that out...
DARIA
No....it's something much more
embarrassing
(A mixture of surprise and
horror from Jane, who realises that she just let
Scene II (INT, Night,
Neill and Daria's Dorm)
(Neill and Christie watching a
game of
CHRISTIE
The only thing more boring
than playing a sport is watching one...
NEILL
Hey, don't mock my way of
life. Look at that Sailor.....Traitor!
CHRISTIE
What did he do?
NEILL
The most sacrilegious thing
you can do from where I come from....
CHRISTIE
What? Did he kill a priest or
something?
NEILL
Worse...he switched to
CHRISTIE
(Turns off TV set) It's on
DVD, so you can get angry all over again...
NEILL
I was watching that....
CHRISTIE
So, how's the leg coming
along?
NEILL
Can't really tell yet, but the
doctor says 5 weeks in, it's moving along nicely...
CHRISTIE
So...when do you start walking
again?
NEILL
About 4 weeks, so after the
mid-semester exams, I should be okay...
CHRISTIE
And when can you get back in
the saddle?...I've been missing the pictures....
NEILL
Don't you have a girlfriend?
CHRISTIE
She's been missing them too...
NEILL
You two are the perfect
couple. Although I'm surprised about Sandi, you know, me being a chauvinist pig
and all
CHRISTIE
Yeah, don't tell her I said
anything. So, when new pictures Don Juan?
NEILL
Well, I could now, but it
would have to be very gentle sex, and what's the point of gentle sex?
CHRISTIE
Well, you do have a point...hey,
didn't you...do the business with Jane?
NEILL
Yeah, what's your point?
CHRISTIE
Where are the pics buddy?
NEILL
Didn't take any
CHRISTIE
Didn't take any?
NEILL
You answer the phone while
ironing again?
CHRISTIE
No....
NEILL
Just didn't feel like taking
any....
CHRISTIE
Who are you, and what have you
done with Neill?
Scene III (INT, Night,
the Pimento)
DARIA
It was like, he was there and
I was there...
JANE
Well, with your respective
levels of coherence, you'd make a good couple...
(
Sup?
DARIA
Not much...
What are we talking about?
JANE
Not as such...although that does
have some sort of psychoanalytical significance....
(Daria stares at Jane)
(
JANE
It's all this BFAC crap. It's
been messing with my brain....
DARIA
Better then the government
messing with your brain....I mean God Bless
Don't look but at your 6,
there's a guy staring right at us...
(Shot of a guy in Jeans in a
Zappa T-shirt)
JANE
The guy in the Zappa shirt?
The very same...I think we
should separate for a few minutes
DARIA
Why?
Guys get nervous when they
approach a group, with the intention of asking one person out, it's just the
way it is...
JANE
Sounds plausible...
(They separate)
(The guy walks towards Jane)
DARIA
Does this mean I'll have to go
out with him?
(Switch to Guy and Jane)
GUY
Hey
JANE
Hey
GUY
I'm Charlie
JANE
Jane. So...you come here often?
CHARLIE
No. But I wish I had...
JANE
You're too kind, almost...too
kind. Are you from some kind of cult?
(Charlie Chuckles)
CHARLIE
Well, if you consider a film
school student to be a drone...
JANE
Hey, I'm BFAC, we're all
drones....
CHARLIE
Wow....BFAC, so you're in the
art program?
JANE
Yeah...
CHARLIE
Damn! You're a sucker for
punishment aren't you?
JANE
Just smack me and call me
gimpy
CHARLIE
I love a girl with a Tarintino
reference handy....do you want to go get a slice or something?
JANE
Sure...because I just know that
people who spot Tarintino references are well-adjusted human beings....
(They leave)
Scene IV (INT, Night, Daria
and Neill's Dorm)
(Daria enters, to find Neill infuriated with
the TV)
NEILL
Forward Pass my arse ref!
DARIA
And how does one exactly do
that?
NEILL
Oh, didn't hear you come in...
(Neill pauses game)
NEILL
So, how was the gig?
DARIA
We missed the first set, so I
decided not to stay...
NEILL
Second set not all it's
cracked up to be?
DARIA
Something like that...
NEILL
Can I ask you something?
DARIA
Can you not?
NEILL
No. I wanted to ask you if you
minded chucking an extra 20 into the rent...
DARIA
Umm....sure...why?
NEILL
In between halving my profits
with the radio station, and paying for treatment, I'm pretty much screwed...
DARIA
Doesn't your health plan cover
broken legs?
NEILL
I'm on a student visa, I don't
get healthcare...well I do, but it involves a surgeon called Butch
DARIA
Oh...well I guess I could...but
what would I do without my pore refiner?
NEILL
Well you have it now, and you
don't go out on dates, so I guess you can live without it...
DARIA
I would date, but you know, I
have standards....
NEILL
Hmmm...
DARIA
What?
NEILL
Just wondering about something...
DARIA
What about?
NEILL
You may be hiding behind your
standards....
DARIA
I don't call not hooking up
with a random frat-boy hiding...
NEILL
Depends on your perspective, after
all, as far as I can tell, you haven't been out on a date in about 7 months...
DARIA
Well....I....
NEILL
I reckon it's time you got
back on the market...
DARIA
I think it's about time you
started taking your mediation again...
NEILL
Of course there's always
Brad....
DARIA
For the last time, I don't
like Brad. He doesn't like me.
NEILL
Well what about that
DARIA
NEILL
Sounds like your hiding
again...besides...the bloke only looks about 25 or 26....
DARIA
And I'm 19....
NEILL
What's your point? Daria,
you're not in High School anymore. You're in the adult world, where people
don't care as much about age differences....
DARIA
At least Anna Nicole Smith
doesn't anyhow.....
NEILL
Why are you still wearing the
new look?
DARIA
Huh?
NEILL
You're still wearing that
outfit.....
DARIA
Oh....yeah....
NEILL
So why?
DARIA
I guess I just want to know I
could be sexy, or something. It doesn't mean I'm ready yet...I just...I'm not
really explaining this well am I?
NEILL
You wanted to change the
outside...but not the inside....
DARIA
Hey...I didn't say that!
NEILL
Sounds a little....superficial
to me Daria....
DARIA
I.....
(Daria leaves)
NEILL
Like shooting fish in a barrel
(Neill turns on TV)
Scene V (INT, Night,
CHARLIE
So, shouldn't you be studying instead
of hanging out with a miscreant like me?
JANE
Probably, but I get frustrated
sometimes, so I need to clear my head, so I go out with people. Helps take my
mind off the pain, besides, aren't miscreants supposed to congregate in the
hopes of hooking up with other miscreants?
CHARLIE
Now, I can't believe you're a
miscreant...
JANE
Oh...I can be very...miscreant-y
when I want to....
CHARLIE
I know what you just said
doesn't make any sense, but I somehow don't care...
JANE
That's....nice....
CHARLIE
I'm making a complete ass out
of myself, aren't I?
JANE
It's not up to me to say, but
if it was, I wouldn't say you weren't doing that bad of a job...
(Charlie Chuckles)
CHARLIE
You know what
JANE
Just alright?
CHARLIE
Okay, you're a hoot.
JANE
Hoot? You don't hear that
around much these days...
CHARLIE
You don't hear a classic name
like
JANE
Indeed...
(Cell phone rings)
CHARLIE
Don't think of as rude, but I
really have to take this....
JANE
That's okay....
CHARLIE
Talk to me....uh huh....uh
huh....use the 3.2 lens...what!?....how did that clown lose our booking?....did you
at least try to bribe him?......ugh!....OK...I'll be right there!
(Charlie hangs up phone)
CHARLIE
I'm afraid that some loser
lost our studio booking, so I have to go, but I'd like to see you again soon....
JANE
I would too....oddly enough.
(Charlie starts to leave)
JANE
You don't have my number....
CHARLIE
I know you're
(Charlie leaves)
Scene VI (INT, Day,
Christie's Dorm)
(Christie and Daria watching
TV)
TV
A cannibalistic chef with a
taste for revenge, death by sashimi, next on sick sad world!
DARIA
Now I figure I've gone completely
insane, or Neill may just be right...
CHRISTIE
About what?
DARIA
About me hiding...
CHRISTIE
You probably are, but
everybody hides from something...
DARIA
Huh?
CHRISTIE
Think about it, everybody
wants to take the easy road....
DARIA
I'm not following
CHRISTIE
Listen, we all want to be
perfectly happy and well adjusted right?
DARIA
I want to be a smurf?
CHRISTIE
I don't think of them as well
adjusted...anyhow, we get confronted by a problem and we run, its human nature to
do so....
DARIA
I'm still not following
CHRISTIE
Ever wondered why the nice
guys are snatched up by the bad girls and vice-versa?
DARIA
I blame the media
CHRISTIE
It's because the nice girls
and nice guys look at each other, and see that they could be happy if the worked
on it, but they don't want to work, so they go home with the bad girl or boy
because it's easier to deal with an unemotional hook up then think about trying
to be happy...
DARIA
I suppose I can see your
point...
CHRISTIE
I know what I'm talking about.
I did a semester of psychology way back in the day....
DARIA
Can I ask you about something?
CHRISTIE
I'm pretty sure you can put a
question together....
DARIA
Say there's this girl....
CHRISTIE
Just a random, hypothetical
girl?
DARIA
Exactly. Now...she finds out
that her ex-boyfriend moved on before her...and then she sees a guy she used
to...appreciate....and she almost does something she may regret....
CHRISTIE
Sounds like you...I mean...the
totally hypothetical girl heard that her ex was moving on, and this guy
she...appreciated once......came to town. She then thought she might jump that guy...it
really sounds to me like the girl is running away from a much bigger question
DARIA
And what is that question?
CHRISTIE
She wants to know why she
hasn't moved on....
DARIA
OK...suppose she does...then why
almost jump the guy?
CHRISTIE
Because she's scared...she just
wants to forget about the question....she wants to make the question disappear
forever...so she takes drastic steps to make it go away...as if doing this thing,
will solve all her problems. But at the end of the day, that question will
still remain....and you...I mean the girl, would be doing something she would
regret...
DARIA
Makes sense, vaguely...so she's
not screwed up?
CHRISTIE
Not in particular. Everybody
is running from something or someone in their past....
DARIA
We're not talking about me...I
mean the girl anymore are we?
CHRISTIE
Maybe...maybe not....
Scene VII (INT, Early
evening, Neill and Daria's Dorm)
NEILL
So, you're leaving us early
mate?
Yeah, there's some stuff I
have to do back in
NEILL
I should probably call Daria
and Jane....so they can say goodbye to you
That uhh...won't be necessary....
NEILL
Don't you want to say goodbye
to your sister?
She knows about everything
I've got to say....
NEILL
What about Daria?
What about her?
NEILL
Don't you want to say goodbye
to her?
Daria? Not really....
NEILL
So what did she do to piss you
off then?
Huh?....have you seen my pick?
NEILL
You asked me that 5 minutes
ago...and we found it behind the couch, remember?
Remember...yeah....so....I guess
I'll be going now....
NEILL
You could at least leave a
note....
A letter....that's not a bad
idea....
NEILL
I said note, not letter mate....
A letter will let me explain
certain things....
NEILL
Have you been hanging out with
Brad behind building 2?
Not today. Got a pad?
NEILL
Daria's probably got one in
her bedroom...
Bedroom....nope...don't want to
think about it...
NEILL
I'm not letting you leave
without saying goodbye mate....
What are you going to do?
You're in a wheelchair...
NEILL
(Sighs) I guess I can't do
anything to stop you....
(The phone rings)
(Neill picks up)
NEILL
Hey Christie...about
who?.....She what?......so......I see......well that explains a lot......I got a feeling
they might both be running......okay......I'll see you later......
Who was that?
NEILL
It's not important. What's
important is that Daria's in the park and think she'd like you to say goodbye
to her, and something gives me the feeling she'd like to say goodbye to you......
Mmmm....okay....thanks dude......I
guess she's in good hands......
Scene VIII (INT, Early
Evening, Jane and Lucy's Dorm)
(Lucy enters)
LUCY
Howdy Jane!
JANE
Is it just me, or are you
overly chipper this morning?
LUCY
I'm not overly chipper...I think
you're the one who's wearing the rose tinted glasses...
JANE
Huh?
LUCY
Word has it that you left the
Pimento with some guy last night...anything happen?
JANE
Not much. We got a burger, talked about stuff....cool guy...I think I'll see him
again....
LUCY
Well, you could use a break
from those essays...
JANE
You're telling me. Hey, didn't
you go out with
LUCY
Yeah...but nothing happened....
JANE
And here I thought I was going
to have a new sister-in-law....
LUCY
Your brother has some issues
though....
JANE
Huh? What issues?
LUCY
Well, we were making out and
all of a sudden he says "no"....and leaves.....
JANE
First of all...I really don't
want to know what you did or didn't do with my brother, second of all...huh?
LUCY
I know! I mean, I was in
pretty good form...said something about not running away. Ironic, because he then
proceeded to run away...
JANE
That is weird...even for
LUCY
What?
JANE
Did he say anything about another
girl?
LUCY
It's not like I was taking
notes or anything....onto other topics...so you're not seeing that blonde guy
anymore?
JANE
Huh?
LUCY
You know,
that guy you used to have in here....
JANE
Neill?
LUCY
Yeah
JANE
We weren't dating....
LUCY
Whatever you want to call it...
JANE
We had a fling, sure...but
that's it...
LUCY
So, you don't mind if I put
the moves on him?
JANE
Uhh....no....I wouldn't mind would
I?
(Jane looks out window)
LUCY
Jane?
Scene IX (EXT, Early
Evening, Park)
(Daria is sitting on the
ground, looking over the lake)
(
Cool lake
DARIA
Came to say goodbye...
DARIA
Goodbye?
Yeah, stuff to do in
DARIA
Oh....
Yeah...Can I talk about what.....
DARIA
Happened?
Or didn't happen...
DARIA
Can't hurt...
I'm sorry...
DARIA
What for?
Hurting you...
DARIA
I'm sorry to inform you Mr Ego, you didn't hurt me, not you anyhow...
I didn't? I thought...you
know...you'd see it as some sort of rejection....
DARIA
No. I was more concerned about
why I was pushed to that point...
Huh?
DARIA
I found out that Tom left me
behind...
Oh.....
DARIA
Yeah...
You know, this is actually
pretty funny in a way...
DARIA
What do you mean?
I was all freaked out because
I was thinking about you in, that way, and I was seeing you as Janie's little
friend all this time. Turns out you were actually growing up...
DARIA
Huh?
You were looking for somebody,
anybody, on the rebound....
DARIA
I was running away...
Welcome to the adult world
kiddo....
DARIA
So all adults run away from
their problems by trying to find solace in somebody else, instead of answering
the nagging questions?
Just the really screwed up
ones...like me......
DARIA
Huh?
Don't worry about it...you know,
if we weren't so screwed up, we'd make a good couple...
DARIA
We're just a couple of screw
ups....but at least we're not joiners....
(
Well, I was scared when you
showed up in that outfit....
DARIA
I think I was scared myself...
But then I saw that it wasn't
about the look....
DARIA
It wasn't?
No...it was something more than
that....it was like...you weren't going to let anybody define you either way....they
couldn't label you a screw-up or a joiner...and that's cool....it's like...you're the
ultimate label buster...
DARIA
Huh...I guess I never thought
about it that way before...
Yeah...so...you want to talk about
Tom?
DARIA
Not really
It'll do you good....
DARIA
No
I'll give you a dollar...
DARIA
I think you're still looking
at me as a child...
No...it's all I have...
DARIA
You really want to talk about
this don't you?
(
DARIA
Tom. It's hard to know where
to begin. It's like...even my past is moving on...while I stand still. I am a woman
under emotional inertia.
Could have fooled me...
DARIA
Probably why I wanted to move on
so drastically...
You will find a guy Daria, I'm
sure of it. And he'll be smart and well adjusted...
DARIA
Smart maybe. Well
adjusted....that is a matter of perspective...
Always is...
DARIA
So, what are you going to do
now?
I should probably say goodbye
to Jane...before I go...
DARIA
You're still going?
Yeah...I do actually have stuff
to do in
DARIA
Well, I'll probably get some
dinner from the cafeteria....
Cool....
DARIA
Oh....well...I guess this is
goodbye....
(They awkwardly shake hands)
DARIA
Wow....that was pathetic....
(Hugs
DARIA
Now, where's my dollar?
Scene X (INT, Night,
Cafeteria)
(Daria is standing in a line,
when she comes up to the pudding)
(A guy comes up next to her and
inspects the pudding)
GUY
I hate it when the pudding has
skin on it....
DARIA
Yeah, pudding skin sure does
blow....
GUY
I think of it is a layer of
algae on a pristine lake...
DARIA
Haven't I seen you somewhere
before?
GUY
Probably not, but I'm in your
class....
DARIA
Daria
(Holds out her hands)
GUY
Patrick
(They shake hands)
PATRICK
Wow, I always assumed my hand
would fall off if I shook your hand...
DARIA
Leprosy?
PATRICK
No...more like going blind from staring
at the sun too much. It's sure as hell beautiful, but can lead to permanent
damage.
(Daria blushes)
END
-Who are the new men in Daria
and Jane's life? Will Neill's recovery get ugly? Will Sandi think about
Christie's offer? Will Lucy, Brad and
(Authors Notes)
**Wow! That's 20 done! You may
not get all the musing on the nature of relationships and such I'm putting in
here, but It will make sense by the end of the series**
*Questions? Comments? Blue's
Clues? Ranting_klown@hotmail.com
*
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