THE REST OF MY DAME
LIFE (SERIES 2): A
Ranting Klown series
EPISODE 18
SHIFTING
PERSPECTIVE
(Neill lets Jane see his
creative side, while Christie and Daria see themselves on two sides of a
problem)
Scene I (INT, Day,
Jane and Lucy's Dorm)
(Neill is sitting down, while
Jane paints)
NEILL
So I said, 'listen mate, move,
or I'll be forced to sit in front of you'
JANE
I hate people who are loud in
movie theatres...
NEILL
Too right mate! It's like, you
go there to enjoy the sound of bursting eyeballs and what have you, and you
have to listen to some bloke trying to chat up some chick...
JANE
There's etiquette to consider
NEILL
Exactly, if you're going to go
the grope, or pash, it's back-left of theatre, if you're merely chatting up a
chick, you don't go to the movies!
JANE
I know, people have no manners these days...
NEILL
And you should have heard some
of the lines this guy was trying, just god awful they were!
JANE
Like what?
NEILL
He gave it a bit of 'C'mon
baby, give it up for daddy'
(Jane shudders)
NEILL
I mean, I could give the guy
some heaps better lines
JANE
I bet you could...
NEILL
I mean 'fancy a root?' is
marginally better! Hey, that's some really cool stuff you're doing, assignment?
JANE
Nope. Got a dealer down town
who sells art, so I'm just giving him some stuff...
NEILL
This may seem like a shithouse
question, but where do you get your inspiration from?
JANE
Life, I guess...I mean, when I'm
depressed, I paint really twisted stuff...puppies with machine guns and such...
NEILL
But I'm guessing you're happy
now right?
JANE
Why do you say that?
NEILL
Because you're using bright
colours.....
(Jane looks at canvas)
JANE
I guess I am. Do I sense a
creative soul?
NEILL
Everybody has a creative soul...
JANE
What do you mean?
NEILL
I figure everybody has the
need for self-expression, and there are many ways to do it...
JANE
What about accountants?
NEILL
I'm pretty sure they don't
have souls, but I reckon they like to express an ordered mind by filling in
forms all day. Its like, how can we define art? What is creativity? And such
and so forth...
JANE
And what about you? How do you
express yourself?
NEILL
With a rugby ball in my
hand...and you've seen the other way I express myself...
JANE
Yes....wait...rugby ball?
NEILL
Come down to
JANE
Hmmm....will there be blood?
NEILL
If there are Poms on the other
side
JANE
I guess I could take time out
of my busy schedule...
(Lucy enters)
LUCY
Hey Jane, hello sailor....
NEILL
How's it goin' luv?
LUCY
Accent to go with the body,
cute.
NEILL
Thanks luv...likewise
(Jane clears throat)
LUCY
Aren't you going to introduce
us Jane?
JANE
Neill, Lucy, Lucy, Neill.
(Quietly)
LUCY
Charmed I'm sure...Jane, you didn't
tell me you were going to have a cute guy in the dorm, I would've gotten dolled
up for the occasion...
JANE
Well....we were just leaving...
NEILL
We were?
JANE
Yes...you were going to take me
out to...shop...
NEILL
I was....?
JANE
Yes....you were...
(Jane gets Neill and pushes
him out door, while staring at Lucy)
Scene II (INT, Day,
Daria and Neill's Dorm)
(Daria typing on computer,
when the phone rings, Daria answers)
DARIA
Starbucks. World Domination
department, how may I direct your call?
CHRISTIE
Hey
DARIA
Hey
CHRISTIE
Do you want to go to a movie
or something?
DARIA
I don't know,
I got a lot of work to do....
CHRISTIE
Since when did you find your
course a challenge?
DARIA
Hmm....I suppose you have a
point, what's playing?
CHRISTIE
A Russian art-house film
DARIA
What's it about?
CHRISTIE
Nobody knows, it's like Donnie
Darko
DARIA
I'll pass
CHRISTIE
Why?
DARIA
Because I don't want to be one
of those people who go to a Russian Art House film just because it's foreign
and art house...
CHRISTIE
Hmm...well there is always
generic exploding zombie movie 5...
DARIA
Hmmm
CHRISTIE
They say that in the making of
the film...they almost depleted
DARIA
Fake blood? Not real? I'll
pass
CHRISTIE
C'mon Daria, I'll pay
DARIA
Wow, you really want to go
don't you?
CHRISTIE
Yeah...
DARIA
Shouldn't going to the movies
something you should do with your girlfriend?
CHRISTIE
Probably, but she's
working...again...
DARIA
Oh...
CHRISTIE
But were seeing each other
tonight, so it should be okay...
DARIA
Okay, I'll go. But you're
paying for the popcorn...
CHRISTIE
You know, when you start
dating, you're going to cripple some guy...financially I mean...
DARIA
It's what I do...that and
launder money on the side...
Scene III (EXT,
Afternoon, Outside Cinema)
(Daria and Christie leave
Cinema, and walk along boulevard)
DARIA
I've got to say, that was a
lot of blood
CHRISTIE
See, well worth the price of
admission
DARIA
When someone else pays,
anything's worth the price of admission...apart from episodes I and II of Star
Wars...I'm still trying to get my money back from George Lucas
CHRISTIE
True...so, you want to hit the
markets?
DARIA
That would involve shopping,
so I'll go with a big, fat no.
CHRISTIE
I'll pay for a slice
DARIA
Did I say no? Because I meant
yes...
CHRISTIE
That's my girl
DARIA
I'm worried about me...
CHRISTIE
Why?
DARIA
I used to hold out for more...
CHRISTIE
I meant to ask...can you come
into work tomorrow?
DARIA
You are of course aware that you're
asking me for a favour?
CHRISTIE
And you are of course aware
that I'm theoretically your boss...
DARIA
Damn...
CHRISTIE
Yeah! Take that Morgandorffer!
DARIA
So why am I coming in?
CHRISTIE
Because Rodney the Wonder Kid
is going to be on, and when he's on, we need an extra person...to you
know....placate the customers...
DARIA
And keep him away from the
cleaning products...
CHRISTIE
Exactly...
DARIA
You'd better make it two
slices
CHRISTIE
But what about your bird-like
appetite?
DARIA
This will just be our little
secret....
(Daria and Christie, still
walking)
CHRISTIE
So, how's the Newspaper job
going?
DARIA
Okay...it's mostly going to
events that nobody cares about and reporting. They treat me like I've got
training wheels because I'm a freshman.
CHRISTIE
I just love your attitude
DARIA
So, I have to tell Mr Hamilton
that I won't be able to take that research position...
CHRISTIE
You're better off anyhow
DARIA
What makes you say that?
CHRISTIE
I did some research work
once...worst 4 months of my life
DARIA
Does this story involve blood?
CHRISTIE
Not that I know of, though it
would explain a lot
DARIA
Then I think I'll pass.
Scene IV (EXT,
Afternoon, Markets)
(Neill and Jane walking around
markets)
NEILL
So, what are we doing here
again?
JANE
Art supplies...
NEILL
I see
JANE
And you're buying me a slice
NEILL
I am?
JANE
Of course, what type of guy
would you be if you didn't buy your female companion a slice?
NEILL
A rich one?
(Jane stares at Neill)
NEILL
Fine. I might as well be poor
anyhow...
JANE
Now this has to have an
interesting back-story to it...
NEILL
Oh, it's just that now the
JANE
Well, BFAC is always looking
for models for its life drawing classes....
NEILL
Could be an option...although
you'd chuck a fit wouldn't you?
JANE
What?
NEILL
Nothing, let's go get that
Pizza
(Neill and Jane leave)
(Daria and Christie walk
along)
CHRISTIE
So then I say, 'for 20 bucks
me and my girlfriend will give you a lap dance', suffice to say that the guy
fainted on the spot
DARIA
You know, one day a guy isn't
going to faint...
CHRISTIE
They always faint, or are
incapacitated somehow...
DARIA
I like to make guys faint the
good old fashioned way...
CHRISTIE
Ahh Chloroform...Where would the
world be without you...? By the way, thanks for coming out today...
DARIA
You're paying
CHRISTIE
I know...but thanks anyway
DARIA
Why?
CHRISTIE
Because If I had read that chapter
on group behaviours one more time, I would have taken out the Dean...and that's
always messy...
DARIA
Is that all?
CHRISTIE
(sighs) and Sandi and I
haven't been seeing each other much lately...you know...sometimes I think that
she'd rather work than see me...
DARIA
I'm sure that's not true?
CHRISTIE
Your optimistic outlook is so
damn inspiring, you know that?
DARIA
Sorry....
CHRISTIE
(Sighs) sorry for going off at
you...see...I need to learn how to communicate with people...
DARIA
It's hard not seeing her?
CHRISTIE
Yeah...it's like, I know there
are circumstances that are forcing her away from me, but I also can't help but
think that there is a little part of her that doesn't want to see me. It's that
side, the side I can't see, the side of a paranoid mind that is frustrating me
the most...
DARIA
I can see how that can be
frustrating.... (Looking at ground)
CHRISTIE
Are you okay?
DARIA
Just realising who I was
CHRISTIE
Groovy...sounds like it needs
Pizza...
DARIA
I don't think cheese-like
products will help, but it can't hurt
Scene V (INT, night,
Christie's Dorm)
(Christie setting a table by
candlelight)
(Christie looks at Clock)
CHRISTIE
It's okay Christie, you're
quite clearly going insane, she's only 5 minutes late...I mean, I've been 5
minutes late on heaps of occasions...of course it begs the question...why the hell
am I talking to myself...?
(Christie sits down at table
and waits)
(The candles are burnt out,
and Christie's eyeliner is running)
CHRISTIE
So it was me after all...
(Christie walks over to phone)
(Christie dials)
SANDI
(Wearily) Hello?
CHRISTIE
Hello my ass!
SANDI
Oh, Christie...hey...what's up?
(Yawning)
CHRISTIE
What's up? I'll tell you
what's up! I made a romantic dinner for my woman and she's nowhere to be seen!
That's what's up!
SANDI
Oh...was that tonight? I'm so
sorry...it's just work...and...
CHRISTIE
You know, that's pretty much
all I hear from you these days!
SANDI
What do you mean?
CHRISTIE
That your work is more
important than I am!
SANDI
Hey! I've got to make a living!
I'm sorry I haven't been around! I am! But I can't just stop my life to your
whim!
CHRISTIE
Like you'd want to if you
could!
SANDI
What the hell is that supposed
to mean?!
CHRISTIE
You did a psychology unit! You
figure it out!
(Christie slams receiver down)
Scene VI (INT,
Morning, Raft Coffee House)
(Cross dissolve to Christie
behind counter)
(Daria enters)
DARIA
Hey
CHRISTIE
Start on register
Morgandorffer
(Christie walks out back)
DARIA
Did I say something?
RODNEY
Like, I don't think so...she's
been pissy all day man...
DARIA
I better go and check that
out.....woman....Rodney, cover for me
RODNEY
Cool dude
(Daria walks out back)
(Christie is in chair, staring
at ceiling)
(Daria clears throat)
CHRISTIE
I thought I told you to start
on register
DARIA
What's wrong?
CHRISTIE
You've left Rodney on register
is what's wrong, now get out there and stop bothering me
DARIA
I'm not going
CHRISTIE
What?
DARIA
I'm not going
CHRISTIE
You're going Morgandorffer!
Out!
DARIA
If I'm leaving this room, I'm
either bringing you with me, or I'm walking out of this place alone.
CHRISTIE
Are you threatening me?
DARIA
Maybe I am
CHRISTIE
Because I swear to God I'll
fire you!
DARIA
Go ahead, but if you fire me, you
have to give me the reason you've been so damn weird.
(Christie opens mouth, before
looking at Daria)
(Christie chuckles)
CHRISTIE
You really want to know what's
wrong?
DARIA
Yes
CHRISTIE
Fine, I'll tell you what
wrong. I'm being abandoned.
DARIA
You are?
CHRISTIE
Yeah! Somebody gets too close
and they run away!
(Daria looks at feet)
DARIA
Maybe they're not trying to
run away.
CHRISTIE
What the hell would you know
about it?
DARIA
There are many reasons why people
withdraw....people withdraw because sometimes, they get too close. But sometimes,
it's less obvious than that. Sometimes they only seem like they're trying to
pull away...maybe they're scared that for once in their life they may actually
have to try at something, and they'll only have themselves to blame if it goes
wrong...
CHRISTIE
Oh wise sage, please go on!
DARIA
Hey, I'm the sarcastic one!
CHRISTIE
You're also the one that is
annoying me right now. I don't want to talk about it. So just leave it...
DARIA
But...
CHRISTIE
I said leave it Daria!
DARIA
No
CHRISTIE
No?
DARIA
I'm fighting this time
CHRISTIE
This time? What? Do you go
around in a mobile home solving problems for people or something?
DARIA
Maybe instead of antagonising people,
you should ask questions, try to open your eyes to the truth. Try seeing two
sides to the story
CHRISTIE
Not everything's like one of
your reports Daria...
DARIA
But it should be dammit! We
should be able to see past our own noses, too see things from the other point
of view!
CHRISTIE
You really believe it don't
you?
DARIA
Why do you say that?
CHRISTIE
Because you haven't run away...
DARIA
Sometimes you just have to see
what you can be, and what you are and make a choice...
CHRISTIE
I have no idea what you're
talking about....but thanks...
DARIA
What for?
CHRISTIE
For making me see the other
point of view...
DARIA
Now, are you coming out, or do
I have to supervise Rodney alone?
CHRISTIE
I guess I better come out...I've
got a phone call to make first though...
(Daria leaves and Christie
dials)
ANSWERING MACHINE
Hi! You've reached Sandi and
Renee, leave your name and number, and we may get back to you if we like you...
(Christie hangs up)
Scene VII (EXT,
Morning,
(A rugby match in
(Referee blows whistle)
(The two sides run to
sidelines for half-time)
(Neill runs to Jane)
NEILL
So, how's my form?
JANE
Great...I'm not too sure about
your little game though...
(Cut to the two kiwi's *see
episode 10*)
KIWI #1
Bro, Neill is killing eh?
KIWI #2
Choice bro
KIWI #1
A Hat-trick before half-time
though...
KIWI #2
True bro, for an Aussie, he
can sure play rugby...
KIWI #1
He's playing even better today
though...I mean, Poms are on the other side, but it's like he's playing for more
than national pride
KIWI #2
(Looks over to sidelines) True
bro
KIWI #1
(Looks to Jane and Neill) True
bro
(Cut to Jane and Neill)
JANE
I still don't get how this is self-expression
NEILL
It's like this...I have the ball
in my hand; I control what's going to happen in the next phase. What happens
when I have the ball in hand is what defines me. You see the Kiwi's? They like
to run with the ball at all costs, you see the Poms? They like kick the ball
and allow their forward packs to do the work...
JANE
I'm really not getting this...
NEILL
What I do with ball. I have
several choices. I can either look to offload, I can crash into the opposition
and look for the feed, or, this is what I do. I goosestep and try to find to
gap in the line.
JANE
Huh?
NEILL
I'm always looking to score
JANE
You can say that again
NEILL
I attack at all costs. I pass
if a better option presents. I attack. Ever hear the phrase 'it's not the
result that matters, but how you play the game'?
JANE
On an after school special
NEILL
Well, that holds true for me.
It's my mantra...it's my muse. Attack. Play attractive footy. Through this
mantra, I define myself, and the mantra defines me...
JANE
It's like a philosophy?
NEILL
Yeah, but this philosophy goes
beyond the field. I attack life. I look for the gaps it doesn't matter if to
huge Tongans are on the line, I'll try to wrong foot them, before going for the
line...
JANE
As crazy as this sounds...I
think I get it...
NEILL
Yeah...so...how do you like the
game?
JANE
Well, it's better than
football...
NEILL
Finally! Somebody gets it!
(Cut to opposing players)
COACH
We really have to shut down Hayden;
he's murdering us down the wing...
PLAYER
He's too quick and strong...
COACH
Then put 3 men on him, I don't
care what it takes, take him out!
(Referee blows whistle)
NEILL
Well, I'm needed elsewhere
JANE
If you win, I want the game
ball
NEILL
It shall be yours mistress
(Neill runs back onto field)
KIWI #1
Neill Bro, looks like you've
gotten some attention...
(Shot of three opposing
players eyeing Neill)
KIWI #2
(Winces) Choice bro! They've
gotten their best defenders on you!
KIWI #1
You'd better just pass the
ball off...
(Neill looks at Jane)
NEILL
Nah mate, I think I'll hit 'em
head on
KIWI #1
Okay bro, you're funeral
(Game begins and ball comes to
Neill)
(Neill momentarily looks at Jane, and then defenders coming towards him)
(Neill grits his teeth and
tries to burst though the defenders)
(The three defenders bring him
down with a struggle)
(The breakdown forms *A plie
on pack, for those of you not acquainted with Rugby Union*)
(Game continues while Neill is
still on ground)
(Neill looks at leg)
NEILL
That can't be good....
Scene VIII (INT, Early
evening, Doctor's Office)
DOCTOR
Well, I have some bad news,
and some good news
JANE
What's the bad news?
DOCTOR
It's a hairline fracture
JANE
And what's the good news?
DOCTOR
He should only be out of
action for 8 weeks, so just hold on until then...you'll have him back then
JANE
What are you implying doctor?
DOCTOR
Uhh....
(Neill comes out in
wheelchair)
NEILL
Well, at least I can do
wheelies....
(Jane looks at Neill in
horror)
NEILL
Am I that hideous?
JANE
No...I'm concerned....
NEILL
Nah Luv, it's all good. Check
it out!
(Neill pops a wheelie)
DOCTOR
I told you to stop doing that!
Scene IX (INT, Early
evening, Daria and Neill's Dorm)
(Daria takes off uniform)
(There is a knock at the door)
JANE
I come bearing a gift
(Daria looks down)
NEILL
G'Day!
DARIA
Are you okay?
NEILL
You mean apart from the whole
being in a wheelchair for a few weeks thing and the fractured leg?
DARIA
Okay, maybe that was a stupid
question...
NEILL
Okay, well I'm going to go and
get a beer, talk amongst yourselves...
(Neill wheels himself off)
DARIA
How did he do that?
JANE
DARIA
He tell you that?
JANE
No, I was there...
DARIA
You, were at a sport?
JANE
Yeah
DARIA
It seems the universe is messing
with me again
JANE
You can't trust that
Universe...after all, this is the same universe that created war, famine,
pestilence, hunger...and those evil paint-by-numbers sets
DARIA
You still haven't told me why
you were at a sport Lane...
JANE
Neill was trying to explain a
concept to me...
DARIA
I bet you two explore all
sorts of concepts together.... (Shudders)...I can't believe I just said that...
JANE
Wow, the universe really is
messing with you today huh?
DARIA
Oh yeah...but there will be one
day when I will control the universe....
JANE
Sure Daria, when you control
the universe...I don't mind if you keep all the pestilence and such, but can you
banish those awful paint-by-numbers sets?
DARIA
Consider it done
(Neill wheels himself back in)
NEILL
Who wants to be the first to
sign my cast?
DARIA
Depends...can I brand it
instead?
Scene X (INT, Night,
Neill and Daria's Dorm)
(Daria walks to fridge)
(She sees a note on the
fridge)
DARIA
'To Daria, me
and Jane have gone downtown to get a drink, see you around sometime
tomorrow...Neill'
(Daria puts note back on
fridge)
(Daria walks to lounge)
(Daria sits down and watches
TV)
TV
They sleep by day and get down
by night! Transylvanian disco fiends, next on Sick Sad World
(The phone rings)
DARIA
Hello?
SANDI
Hi, have you seen Christie
around anywhere?
DARIA
Not lately
SANDI
Damn...I'm afraid she might have
taken things the wrong way when we last spoke
DARIA
May? I'd say definitely.
SANDI
She pissed?
DARIA
Oh yeah
SANDI
Damn...I didn't mean to miss
that dinner, I was just really, really tired from work, and the only reason I'm
working so much is to get my own apartment....damn...listen, if you see her, tell
her to call me okay?
DARIA
Sure
(Daria hangs up, and starts to
walk to couch)
(She stops and considers the
phone)
(She dials)
TOM
Hello?
DARIA
Hey Tom
TOM
Oh, hey Daria...this isn't the
best....
DARIA
I just wanted to thank you...
TOM
What for?
DARIA
Being there for me...
TOM
Did they put something in the
drinking water over there?
DARIA
I mean it...I probably wasn't
the easiest girlfriend in the world to deal with...
TOM
So many things to say....
DARIA
Yeah...I know you must have
wondered from time to time wether or not I was committed....
TOM
From time to time?
DARIA
But thanks....for being patient
with me...and...trying to see what my problem was, instead of jumping to the first
conclusion...
TOM
Well...that's okay, it was worth
it...
DARIA
Huh?
TOM
You said it yourself, you
could be a pain in the ass sometimes...
DARIA
Hey!....I guess you're right...
TOM
You know...at one point I
thought you may have been seeing someone else?
DARIA
Me?
TOM
Well, you withdrew, and
considering the circumstances we got together....
DARIA
Understandable...I guess
TOM
But instead of flying off the
handle, I got to know you. Whatever my suspicions were, when I saw you
smile...well...Hallmark are sure to sue my ass, but all the pain went away...
(Daria blushes)
TOM
But enough of this
touchy-feely crap, how are you doing?
DARIA
Fine...I guess...
(Voice in background on Tom's
end)
VOICE
Tom? (Young Woman's voice)
Who's that on the phone?
TOM
(To Daria) So...anyhow Mom, I
guess I'll see you this weekend....
(Tom hangs up)
DARIA
Tom? Hello? Tom?
END
-Who is the woman on
the other end of the line? Will Neill recover from his injury? Will Sandi and
Christie's rift heal? Will Brad ever find his pick? What up dawg? All these
questions and more, answered in coming episodes!-
(Authors Notes)
**When I said that a character
will undergo a major change, I didn't mean Neill's injury. So stay tuned for
more fireworks. Those of you who are paying attention may be able to see where
Christie and Sandi's problems are coming from....**
*Questions? Comments? W00t? Ranting_klown@hotmail.com *