THE REST OF MY DAMN
LIFE (SERIES 2): A
Ranting Klown series
EPISODE 15
MOVING
DAY
(Jane moves to BFAC, and Daria
and Neill arrive back at Raft)
Scene I (EXT, Early
morning, Jane's Doorstep)
(There is a knock at the door,
and Jane answers)
(Jane opens the door wearily)
JANE
Neill? I like a man who's 5
hours early
NEILL
Can we go for a run?
JANE
You are aware of course that
it's 6 in the morning right?
NEILL
I'm a farm boy from way back;
besides, it's more about what I've got to say than anything else
JANE
Sure. I'm up anyway, might as
well go for a run and have a talk
Scene II (INT,
Morning, Morgandorffer Kitchen)
(Daria wakes up and walks to
fridge)
(Quinn enters a short time
afterward)
QUINN
Where's Neill?
DARIA
Why do you want to know?
QUINN
Because I went into his room
and he wasn't there...
DARIA
Why were you in his room?
QUINN
No reason....anyway...have you
seen him?
DARIA
I don't answer questions
before coffee. Besides, how should I know? He's been distracted by something
since he got here...
(Helen enters)
HELEN
Big meeting, can't talk
DARIA
You are of course aware that I
go back to college today?
HELEN
Oh my! Is that today? Well,
have fun!
DARIA
Me? Fun? How much coffee have
you had this morning?
HELEN
10 cups, but that's beside the
point, why are you up so early?
DARIA
Couldn't sleep
HELEN
And why are you up so early Quinn?
QUINN
Me? No reason.
DARIA
She was playing good hostess,
attempting to play good nurse Quinn...
HELEN
Oh yes...say goodbye to young
Neill for me, anybody who can cook like that is welcome here anytime...
DARIA
Sure, now run along, you don't
want to be late for that meeting do you?
(Helen looks at watch)
HELEN
Oh my word!
(Helen departs)
QUINN
You are really good at doing
that...
DARIA
What can I say? I've had more
experience than you
Scene III (EXT,
Morning, Park)
(Neill and Jane stop in a
park)
JANE
You're a good runner
NEILL
Thanks luv, when you live in a
remote community, you learn to do a lot of stuff out of boredom...
JANE
I know how you feel...what did
you want to talk to me about?
NEILL
About today...
JANE
What about it?
NEILL
Are you sure you want to go
through with it?
JANE
Performance anxiety?
NEILL
Nah, I know I'm good
JANE
Then it's me? (Worryingly)
NEILL
Good god no! I just know
you're going to be a tiger between the sheets. I knew that since the first time
I looked at you through the screen...
JANE
Then what?
NEILL
Are you sure you want to do it
with me?
JANE
What do you mean?
NEILL
I mean, wouldn't you rather do
it with a boyfriend or something? Somebody special?
JANE
It's early....are you asking me
out?
NEILL
No, I wouldn't want to hurt
you....and that's just it. If we do it...I'll never call, I'll never talk to you...I'll
just cross you off the list. You don't deserve that...
JANE
Huh?
NEILL
It's like, whenever I root somebody,
it's a means to an end. You know, it's just a warm body; I never really connect
with a person...
JANE
And you want to connect with
me?
NEILL
I guess so, I just want your
first time to be special, you know, I want you to remember it as a
life-shattering moment, because it is, I don't just want you to remember it as
just another root....I guess what I'm saying is that you should think about
whether or not you want to do it with me, or somebody special who you can make
a connection with...I'm sorry If I'm not making sense...I've thought about this for
a while
JANE
It's
NEILL
So?
JANE
So what?
NEILL
You still want to do it today?
JANE
Of course
NEILL
Explain
JANE
I've been thinking about this for
a long time Neill, I've had the chance to uhh, do the deed before...but I want it
to be today...I want it to be the turning point
NEILL
Turning point?
JANE
Yeah, I thought, going to
college is kind of a sign that your leaving adolescence behind you know?
NEILL
And?
JANE
I thought Moving Day would be
the perfect time to awaken...as such
NEILL
But won't the awakening be
that much better if you found somebody special to do it with, not just some guy
you met?
JANE
The person is irrelevant I guess, it's the act that is important...
NEILL
So it's not an emotional thing
for you?
JANE
No...it's all about timing...
NEILL
Okay...because I've been
agonising over this all summer...I even missed the first session of play during the
Boxing Day test because I was too busy thinking how you rooting me could mess
you up...
JANE
I don't know what that means,
but it's sweet that you were thinking of me...are you sure you want to do it?
NEILL
What do you mean?
JANE
Well, you've been trying to
find a reason to get out of this....
NEILL
No, I really was thinking of
you first...which is odd for me...
JANE
I guess were both growing a
bit today aren't we?
NEILL
I guess so...(looks at Jane's
arse) But I can still be a lad when I want to
JANE
Glad to hear it....that's why I
chose you...
NEILL
Quois?
JANE
I chose you because you get
all the girls, and I want to see what all the fuss is about
NEILL
Well, in about 4 hours luv, you'll find out what all the fuss is about...
JANE
I hope so,
catch me if you can Hayden.... (Runs off)
NEILL
Why would I want to catch you
when the view from behind is so very sweet? (Runs off after her)
Scene IV (INT, Mid
morning, Jane's room/Basement)
(Daria knocks on the door,
Hey..... (Noticing Daria's new
look) whoa!
DARIA
What?
Ever get the feeling you've
made a massive mistake?
DARIA
What?
I like the new look....it's
like...sexy...but you haven't sold out...
DARIA
Generally to sell out, you've
got to have somebody interested in buying...I'm here to help Jane pack
I refuse to believe there's
nobody interested in buying...move...yeah...Jane and that guy are here already....
DARIA
Neill?
Yeah...that guy....
(Daria enters and goes up to
Janes room)
(Neill and Jane are sitting in
Jane's room)
NEILL
And I bought a CD that'll help
you get in the mood....
(Daria enters)
JANE
Hey Daria!
DARIA
Hey....ready to move....?
JANE
Actually, I'm going to stick
around here for a while.....until maybe....
NEILL
Two...
JANE
Mmm....3 hours....and then
we'll go, I figure I get to my dorm a day before my roommate...make a claim on
the bunks
DARIA
Cool
JANE
Of course you wouldn't know
what that feels like...would you Daria?
DARIA
Whatever...where do we begin?
JANE
The basement.....the packing
wont be a huge thing...but it's deciding what to leave behind that's going to be
the hard thing...
NEILL
It always is...
(Fade to Daria, Neill and Jane
in Basement)
JANE
But my question is, which glue
gun to leave behind...I mean, sticky's been with me since my childhood days, but the
new Ultra Glue 3000 is just so cool!
DARIA
How about you leave the
childhood toy here, and then when you come back, if you do, it'll be here
waiting for you to relive all those childhood memories you've tried to repress...
JANE
What are you talking about? My
childhood was great, we went to Disney Land 43 times!
(
JANE
Hey Trent, you still giving me
a lift to BFAC?
Yeah...cool...we'll take the Tank...
NEILL
The tank?
(Jane chuckles evilly)
(Jane's eyes then open wide)
JANE
Hey...the tank...why didn't I
think of that?
What?
JANE
Nothing.... (Jane looks at
watch)
NEILL
(Looks at his watch) I think
me and Jane should go get some breakfast for you guys....
JANE
Yes...we should....
(Jane and Neill run up the
stairs)
Hey...you don't even know what
we want....
DARIA
Since when did that ever stop
anybody?
Hmm...true....so....what's new?
DARIA
Nothing much...got through the
first semester of college without killing anybody, which is always an
achievement....
(
I heard Neill took you to
DARIA
Yes...if by
Mmmm....
DARIA
What?
So you and Neill going out?
DARIA
Excuse me?
A guy takes a girl home...kinda
sounds like you two are going out...
DARIA
You don't know how awkward
that statement is...
I guess not....
Scene V (INT,
Afternoon, Basement)
(Skip time to Daria and Trent
sitting in basement, packing boxes)
Hmm....
DARIA
What?
There's a CD Case here...but there's
no CD in it....I think it's that guy Neill's though...
DARIA
Why do you say that?
'Neill's Premium Root Mix'...I
didn't know he was a musician....
DARIA
Root Mix?
Yeah...Speaking of
Neill...weren't he and Jane supposed to get us breakfast a few hours ago?
DARIA
Yes... (Looks at watch) they've
been gone for three hours....
Yeah...they left at 11....
(Look of horror appears of
Daria's face)
DARIA
Oh God...
What?
DARIA
Uhh...nothing....
(Neill and Jane come down the
stairs...with pancakes)
Cool...pancakes...
JANE
Yeah, I'm in a good mood, so I
helped Neill make them...
DARIA
I see...3 hour pancakes...
NEILL
Hey, if you want to do it just
right...it takes time...
JANE
It sure does....
(Daria looks disgusted at
Jane)
JANE
Why so suspicious Daria?
NEILL
Yeah...good pancakes take time
to make...
JANE
Really...really good ones
anyhow...
NEILL
See...Jane gets it...
DARIA
Well I can't eat them now...
Why not? (Digging into
pancakes)
DARIA
I'm afraid if I do, I'll have
to gouge out my eyes with a spoon
Scene VI (INT, Night,
Tank/Diner)
(Jane, Trent, Daria and Neill
on the road, in the tank)
I can't believe my little
sisters going to college...
JANE
In a way, I can't believe it either...
DARIA
So...you excited?
JANE
Surprisingly....I mean...I doubt
I'll get a modern apartment like you guys, but living vicariously through you
for a semester has me pumped
DARIA
Don't say that word....
JANE
Vicariously?
DARIA
'Pumped' (Daria shudders)
Hey...we could do with some road
music...
(Turns on CD player)
('Chocolate' by Kylie Minogue plays)
Hmm...I can't remember putting
this in here....
DARIA
We need to pull over; I think
I'm going to be sick
(
(Trent, Daria, Neill and Jane
are sitting down at table)
(Waitress approaches)
WAITRESS
What'll it be?
DARIA
Dry Toast and Tea....
WAITRESS
Hangover Supreme...coming up
(Waitress leaves)
JANE
Are you okay Daria?
DARIA
I'm not feeling well
(Jane kicks Neill under Table)
NEILL
What sites?
NEILL
The...sites... (Referring to young
brunettes sitting on the other side of the diner)
Oh...yeah....
(Trent and Neill leave)
JANE
Okay, what's wrong?
DARIA
You...and Neill.....
JANE
Yes?
DARIA
JANE
Why Daria, what ever are you
implying?
DARIA
You know...
JANE
No...I don't, please explain it
to me very thoroughly...
DARIA
Go to
JANE
Sex happens Daria...it's no
biggie...
DARIA
But Neill?
JANE
Yeah...seemed like a cool guy,
so why not?
DARIA
Because he's Neill...
JANE
Listen, he already explained
to me that this will probably as far as were ever going to go...it was quite
sweet actually, he was scared about hurting me...as such...
DARIA
Oh
JANE
Besides, he was great in the
sack! Admittedly I have noting to compare it with...but it was good....
DARIA
Where's my tea and toast?
Scene VII (INT, Night,
Jane's Dorm)
(The tank pulls into BFAC)
(Dissolve to Daria, Jane,
Neill and
JANE
Now, my dorm is supposed to be
on this level....
I'm like getting a really cool
vibe off this building...
NEILL
Brad goes to BFAC too?
(Daria smirks)
JANE
101, 102, 103, 104...here it is,
105
(Jane takes out keys and opens
dorm room)
(This is more of the typical
dorm room, small, cramped with bunk beds, a desk, a couch, and TV)
JANE
Cool, I'm the first one here
(Jane chuckles evilly)
NEILL
Nefarious activities planned
luv?
JANE
Let's see...the top bunk is good
because of the status, but the bottom bunk is good because I plan to roll out
of bed in the morning, like I do usually, and the fall could damage me...bad...if I
were on the top bunk...
DARIA
We should leave you to it...
JANE
OK (Looking around) I guess
I'll see you around...
DARIA
Of course...there has to be a
really bad pizza place in the city....
NEILL
Call me if you want to go to
the pub for a couple of quiet ones...
JANE
I'd like that
(Neill and Daria leave,
So little Janie is in the big
city now huh?
JANE
Yeah...
You know, I don't think
anybody in our family has ever gone to college
JANE
Didn't you do a semester at
Yeah, but I don't think staying
in an unoccupied dorm room to avoid rent is considered actually attending
college....I'm going to miss you...
JANE
You can come up any time to
visit...
I know....I'm
going to miss you anyway (gives Jane a hug) don't let deadlines stifle your
creativity...
JANE
Never...
(
(Jane starts to unpack her
bags, when a 19 year old girl with bright red, long hair. Sweet look. Enters)
GIRL
You must be my new roommate....(southern accent)
JANE
That's me
GIRL
Damn...I was hoping that I could
get here a night early and get the drop on my roomie....but evidently I see
you've thought ahead as well, by the way I'm Lucy
JANE
Jane
LUCY
So, have you chosen a bunk
yet?
JANE
That depends....can I put my
easel next to the window?
LUCY
I guess so...
JANE
Then I haven't chosen yet...feel
free to choose
LUCY
I call top bunk!
JANE
Can't resist the status eh?
LUCY
Makes me feel good...hey, I saw
that cute guy in the hall before...
JANE
Which one?
LUCY
Which one?
JANE
There was a guy with black hair,
and there was a blonde
LUCY
The one with black hair
JANE
That would be my brother
LUCY
Oh, OK then, I'm going to come
back when I'm more in the mood for not putting my foot in my mouth ....
JANE
Nah...it's OK, I've had friends
drooling over him for years...it's cool
LUCY
Thank God, I thought I was
going to get off on the wrong foot with my roommate, and have every single day
living here as an exercise in awkward social pain. (Begins to hyperventilate)
JANE
OK then...
LUCY
(Regaining composure) Hey, do
you mind if I put a poster of Beck up?
JANE
Sure, I got nothing against
Beck
LUCY
Cool (puts up Beck poster)
JANE
Hey, do you know what the deal
with food is here?
LUCY
I think I saw a cafeteria as I
came in...
JANE
We'll have to get a
microwave......I have to live the dream......
LUCY
Live the dream?
JANE
Being a struggling artist
surviving on Ramen noodles...
LUCY
I love Ramen noodles!
JANE
Who doesn't....so...want to check
out this alleged Cafeteria?
LUCY
Sure, just let me get out my
violin first
Scene VIII (INT,
Night, Hallway to Daria and Neill's dorm)
(Daria and Neill are walking
down the corridor, drawing closer to their dorm)
DARIA
My money's on it being
ransacked by chipmunks...
NEILL
My money's on jilted lovers...
DARIA
About that...
NEILL
Yeah?
DARIA
You...and Jane....uhh...
NEILL
Yes Daria?
DARIA
You two...did it?
NEILL
Yep...what's your point?
DARIA
So...you two are going out now
or something?
NEILL
Nah, I couldn't do that to
her...could you imagine me being anybody's
boyfriend?
DARIA
I suppose you have a point
NEILL
Listen, I took Jane aside and told
her that we couldn't ever be, so...you know...she wouldn't get hurt...
DARIA
Oh...
NEILL
Yeah, and she still wanted to,
and who am I to say no?
DARIA
I suppose that's alright...
NEILL
Besides, she's a tiger between
the sheets!
DARIA
I will kill you Neill....
NEILL
You say that so often the
words have lost all meaning...
(They approach the door, to
see Hope waiting there)
(Neill looks panicked)
DARIA
I'll go check the dorm, this
looks as if it could get ugly...
(Daria enters dorm, as Hope and
Neill stand face to face)
HOPE
Hello Neill
NEILL
Hey Hope.....how's it going?
HOPE
OK...I just wanted to talk to
you...
NEILL
OK then... (Confused)
HOPE
Listen, you didn't know we
were sisters at the time...so I guess I forgive you...
NEILL
That's....good...
HOPE
Besides, you do sure know how
to show a girl a good time...
NEILL
You've got to be good at
something....
HOPE
Did you want to get a drink?
(Daria spying on them)
NEILL
Thanks for the offer, but no
thanks, you know...long day and stuff.
HOPE
Okay then...I guess I'll see you
at practice...
(Hope leaves)
DARIA
Are you OK?
NEILL
I don't know...
DARIA
You just turned down a girl...
NEILL
I guess I did (surprised)
Scene IX (INT, Night,
BFAC Cafeteria)
(Lucy and Jane are sitting in
the cafeteria, eating Lasagne)
JANE
You know...this isn't that bad....
LUCY
Yeah.....
JANE
I can actually taste hints of
tomato...not like
LUCY
So...when's your orientation?
JANE
Two days...you?
LUCY
Music program begins tomorrow;
I hope you don't mind me playing
JANE
I lived in a house with 3 electric
guitars...that I know of...I think I'll be okay. Besides, you'll have to put up
with the screech of a drill...
LUCY
Hmm...I'll buy some earplugs
from town
JANE
You know, what's with you and
that Beck poster?
LUCY
What do you mean?
JANE
You're a classical music
student and you have a poster of Beck...what's up with that?
LUCY
A gal who plays classical
can't appreciate the post modern golden child?
JANE
I just didn't think of it that
way....
LUCY
You know, classical musicians
are some of the wildest people...
JANE
So there'll be plenty of
raucous parties in the dorm?
LUCY
No...I'm mostly quiet...I like to
mostly focus on the music
JANE
You sure are a wild gal...
LUCY
Hey, I can be pretty wild when
I want to....
JANE
Oh, I'm sure you can...
LUCY
Yeah, played 'Smells like Teen
spirit' at Band practice once...
JANE
Bitchin'......do you mind if I ask you a personal
question? (Apprehensively)
LUCY
I suppose I should oblige, if
we are going to be roommates...
JANE
Are you bi or lesbian?
LUCY
What! No! Are you coming onto me?
Because I'm into guys!
JANE
Oh thank God...I like guys
too...I've just had some bad experiences....
LUCY
(Blushing) OK then, I'll take
your word for it...
JANE
So...where are you from?
LUCY
JANE
I'm guessing you're
republican?
LUCY
No...democrat. High School was
hell.
JANE
Curiouser and Curiouser...
LUCY
I was a Band Geek Democrat
JANE
Damn...that must have sucked...
LUCY
Yeah...but the music got me
through it all...how about you?
JANE
High School? Well, in between
all the quarantine checks and forced involvement, I guess it was a laugh...
LUCY
I noticed an easel before, you
in the fine arts program?
JANE
Yep
LUCY
Damn...sucks to be you...
JANE
It's intensive I'll admit...but
I wouldn't want to be anywhere else...
Scene X (INT, Night, Neill
and Daria's dorm)
(Daria and Neill unpacking
their bags)
(Knock at the door. Neill
answers)
CHRISTIE
Campus rumour has it that you
two were back
NEILL
Really, Daria and I?
CHRISTIE
Really just you
(Daria enters)
CHRISTIE
How are you doing Daria?
DARIA
Not involved in any alleged
political scandals, so I can't complain
CHRISTIE
There's our sunny gal...how was
DARIA
Hot...and I have a horse named
after me...
(Christie chuckles)
NEILL
It's actually true...
CHRISTIE
Oh...
NEILL
I named a foal after her...
CHRISTIE
Groovy...in a sort of sick and
twisted sort of way
NEILL
I forgot, I bought you
something....I'll be back
(Neill exits)
DARIA
So...how's Sandi?
CHRISTIE
Fine...I'm more worried about
Neill...
DARIA
Why would that be?
CHRISTIE
Word has it he just turned down
a drink with the alleged hottest freshman at Raft...
DARIA
That was weird...she was
throwing herself at him, and Neill just...said no thank you....
CHRISTIE
Weird...
(Neill comes back)
CHRISTIE
And pray tell antipodean Hef,
what have you brought for me?
NEILL
Photo's...I have copies...
CHRISTIE
(Looks at photos) Nice...
NEILL
Yes...our little girl looks good
in a bikini doesn't she?
(Look of horror from Daria)
END
-Will Jane become overwhelmed
by her program? Why did Neill turn down Hope? Who is Lucy? Will the photos be
circulated? Who doesn't love Beck? All these questions and more answered in
coming episodes!-
(Authors notes)
** Well, that's the big
premiere of season 2! There are a few seeds of character development thrown in
there, and by the time this series ends...I hope they will blossom. I have a
couple of ideas about which direction this series will take...so stay tuned!**
*Questions? Comments? Blow? Ranting_klown@hotmail.com *