daria

in

“Outage”

NOTE: This is a third-season story, taking place before Jane met Tom. I believe the best fanfics are the ones that are just like any other episode, and so that’s what I’ve done here. If this is what you like to read, I suggest works by C. E. Forman, Jon Kilner, or John Berry. There are other authors out there who follow this philosophy, but the three I mentioned seem to be the most prolific. Incidentally, I’m plugging them because I want to, not because they asked me to.

OPENING CREDITS AND TITLES

INT: JANE’S ROOM

Jane is packing up some of her paintings into large portfolio while Daria reclines on her bed watching TV.

TV:	Squirrels that can skeletonize a buffalo in thirty seconds?? The piranhas of the prairies, next, on Sick Sad World!
Daria:	I think they’re running out of ideas.
Jane:	Not to worry. If there’s one thing this world will always have plenty of, it’s twisted freaks of nature.
Daria:	Speaking of which, DiMartino assigned us a paper on the Spanish Inquisition while you were gone yesterday.
Jane:	Darn, I didn’t expect that.
Daria:	I’m disappointed in you, Jane. That was beneath your dignity.
Jane:	(zips up her portfolio and starts filling another one) I know, I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’ve never tried to actually sell my work before.
Daria:	Tell me again why you’re doing it now?
Jane:	Ms. Defoe set it up for me. She met this guy who runs an advertising agency, and some of his clients are looking for something new. She mentioned my name.
Daria:	And…
Jane:	And, since Ms. Defoe is the only member of her generation who’s ever offered me encouragement, I felt like I shouldn’t let her down.
Daria:	When’s your appointment?
Jane:	One o’clock. In Middleton. Oh, God, what time is it?
Daria:	Relax. It’s only ten thirty.
Jane:	That’s what I was afraid of. It takes Trent at least three hours to wake up sufficiently to operate a car. (sighs) I really didn’t want to lug all this stuff on the bus.
Daria:	Well, I was planning on going to the Middleton library anyway. I’ll help you lug this stuff to the bus stop.
Jane:	Burning to get to work on that paper, eh?
Daria:	Actually, I read about the Spanish Inquisition for recreation.
Jane:	Unsurprising.
Daria:	But you still owe me pizza for this.

EXT, LAWNDALE STREET:

Kevin is trying to start his dad’s car. Brittany is in the passenger seat.

Kevin:	(strenuously twisting key to no effect) Come on, you… you… car! Start!
Brittany:	Ooh, Kevy, we’re going to miss the movie!
Kevin:	Don’t worry, babe, I’ll get it started! (hits dashboard several times).
Brittany:	I think the battery’s dead!
Kevin:	(keeps trying) The battery can’t be dead, we just put gas in it this morning! (Kevin tries the key a couple more times, then stops.) You know what I think? I think the battery’s dead.
Brittany:	(a bit miffed) Really?
Kevin:	Relax, babe. I’ve got jumper cables! (Kevin gets out and pops open the trunk, pulling out a set of cables.) Now, where do I plug these in?
	Kevin looks around. There are a number of other cars parked around him, but few people about. Then he spots a large green box on the sidewalk just in front of his car that says “high voltage” among other things
Kevin:	Hey, I bet I could get a jump with that! Probably wouldn’t have to fill up the tank again for weeks!
	(He throws open the hood and starts connecting the cables.
Brittany:	Uhh… Kevy, are you sure that’s a good idea?
Kevin:	Hey, what’s the worst that could happen?
Brittany:	(twirls her hair for a moment, imagining the worst, and coming to a conclusion that obviously disturbs her a bit) Eeeep! (she gets out of the car and backs away about twenty feet.
Kevin:	(examining the box) Now, let’s see here, how do you open one of these things?

EXT, BUS STOP:

Jane carries a double armload of portfolios off the bus

Jane:	(calling to Daria, back in the bus) I’ll meet you over at the library in an hour!
	The bus takes off in a cloud of exhaust.
	Jane looks up. The building in front of her is about thirty stories tall. She hefts her drawings under each arm and maneuvers her way in through the revolving doors. A moment later, an oddly familiar-looking girl in dark glasses and a scarf sneaks into the same door.

INT, LOBBY

Jane enters elevator, scans the buttons briefly, then punches one. The doors begin to close.

Offscreen:	HOLD IT!
	Jane ignores the voice, letting the doors close. A hand sticks inside at the last moment, and the doors slide back open. The girl in sunglasses enters the elevator, a bit out of breath.
Sandi:	(for it is she) You could have held the door, you know.
Jane:	Oh, no.
Sandi:	(Sandi pulls out a compact to check herself.) I’m, like, practically sweating. I hope you’re sorry.
Jane:	You must be a good hoper.
Sandi:	(Turning to look at Jane for the first time) Oh, aren’t you like, Quinn’s cousin, or whatever?
Jane:	Or whatever.
Sandi:	No, wait, you’re like, Quinn’s cousin’s friend, aren’t you?
Jane:	Damn. Now I’ll need a new secret identity.
	Sandi doesn’t seem to hear, simply pushing the button for her floor. The elevator doors close again. Jane glances over at Sandi. She notices Sandi’s unusual outfit – an oversized pair of dark glasses and a scarf tied around her head. Together, they cover the entire top half of her face.
Jane:	Or are you the one with the secret identity today?
Sandi:	Just mind your own business, okay?
Jane:	Fine. (She watches the numbers while Sandi touches up her makeup).

EXT, LAWNDALE STREET:

Somehow, Kevin has managed to open the electrical box. He attaches the jumper cables to random points inside the box. Brittany stands well off to the side, looking nervous.

Kevin:	All set, Babe!
	(he gets back in the car, failing to notice the smoke already stating to rise from his hood)
Kevin:	Okay, let’s let ‘er rip! (he turns the key. Nothing happens) Oh, come on! (he turns it again.) Oh, wait a minute! I’ve been turning it the wrong way!
	Kevin tries the key one more time. As he does, a seven-foot spark jumps from the box to the car, causing a blue fireball to leap out of the hood.
Kevin:	(looking nervous) Umm…
	Sparks continue to fly from both the car and the box.
	Close-up on Kevin’s face. His lower lip is trembling, his eyes are wide, and he’s sweating. Definitely scared. Suddenly he screams, a good, high-pitched horror movie scream. He leaps from the car and runs for his life. Brittany is already long gone.
	The car and the electrical box both blow the hell up.

INT: SHOPPING CENTER

Lights go out all over the place, cash registers go dim, sound of everything coming to a halt.

EXT: INTERSECTION

As traffic light go out, the sound of horns honking commences.

INT: LIBRARY

As Daria walks into the library, everything goes out.

Daria:

That figures.

INT: ELEVATOR

	With a sudden jerk, the elevator stops and the lights go out.
Jane:	Oh, thanks a lot, God.
Sandi:	(a little panicky) What happened?
Jane:	I’m obviously being punished for something.
	An emergency light flickers on in the ceiling of the elevator. It’s dim, but enough to see by.
Sandi:	The elevator’s stuck!
Jane:	You have a keen grasp of the obvious. (she opens the cabinet that holds the emergency phone, and finds a sign which reads Out Of Order.) Perfect. (she punches the alarm button a few times, and nothing happens) Even better.
Sandi:	What are we going to do?
Jane:	Wait, don’t you fashion drones all have cell phones?
Sandi:	It’s for emergencies.
Jane:	Drat! Where are we going to find an emergency around here at this hour?
Sandi:	And, I don’t have it with me.
Jane:	Why not?
Sandi:	It’s pink.
	Jane waits for further explanation.
Sandi:	It clashed with my outfit.
	Jane puts her hand over her eyes and shakes her head.
Sandi:	(angry) Look, Quinn’s cousin’s friend –
Jane:	(angrier) Stop calling me that! I’m Jane, you moron! It’s not a complicated name, you know!
Sandi:	All right, Jane –
Jane:	Wait, on second thought, call me Quinn’s cousin’s friend. I can’t stand hearing my name with that nasally tone.
Sandi:	(perplexed) What nasally tone?
	Jane sighs, and sits down in the corner of the elevator to wait. Sandi taps her foot impatiently, continuing to watch the numbers for any sign of change.

EXT: LAWNDALE STREET

All that’s left of Kevin’s Dad’s car is a smouldering ruin. It’s surrounded by cops, fire trucks, and other emergency vehicles.

Cop #1:	It’s not going to be easy figuring out whose car this was. The license plates are melted, and I’ve got at least six guesses as to what kind of car it once was.
Cop #2:	Who’d be stupid enough to hook his car into the power box?
Cop #1:	Some kid, I suppose. We’d better get the city engineers down here. God, I don’t envy the person who has to clean this up.
Cop #2:	We haven’t got it much easier, trying to figure out who did it.
Kevin:	(approaching the policemen) Yo, dude! Can we get my dad’s car somewhere it can be fixed? I don’t want him to find out about this, he’ll never let me borrow it again.
Cop #2:	(smiling at his partner, then turning to Kevin) You have the right to remain silent (flips Kevin around and cuffs his hands) if you give up the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Kevin:	(confused) Hey, what gives? I was just trying to jump start my car!
Cop #1:	Kid, I usually don’t say this, but in your case I’d think really hard about remaining silent.

INT: ELEVATOR

	Jane is slouching a lot more. Sandi is sitting against a different wall. Despite the relative darkness, she still has the sunglasses on.
Sandi:	It’s been almost an hour! How long are they going to keep us in here.
Jane:	Until we break. Or turn cannibal.
Sandi:	Eeewww!
	Silence.
Jane:	You know, I was just thinking… it was about 12:30 when we got in here, right?
Sandi:	What about it?
Jane:	So almost everyone in the building was out to lunch.
Sandi:	What’s your point?
Jane:	They’re probably not going to come back to work until the power comes back on.
Sandi:	What are you saying?
Jane:	We could be in here for a while.
Sandi:	(small voice) How long?
Jane:	Depends on how serious the power failure is, I guess.

EXT: LAWNDALE STREET

Several engineers are working on the power box. Kevin’s car is being pulled onto a wrecker. A large crowd has gathered outside the police line.

Engineer:

Man, what a mess. Better call the mayor’s office, looks like we’re putting in some overtime on this one.

CAMERA ANGLE PANS UP, ZOOMS OUT, PIVOTS, AND ZOMMS IN ON THE BUILDING WITH JANE AND SANDI.

INT: ELEVATOR

Jane is on all fours, Sandi is standing on her back, trying to reach the door in the ceiling.

Jane:	Sandi, this isn’t going to work. –Ow! Watch it!
Sandi:	Hold still, will you? I can’t reach it!
Jane:	-Ow!- How do you expect me to hold still when you’re stomping all over my back in those damned spike heels? Why didn’t you wear flats or something?
Sandi:	Are you trying to give me fashion advice?
Jane:	Hey, you’re the one with the –oof!– weird headgear.
Sandi:	Besides, I can’t reach the ceiling without the heels on…
Jane:	Auuggh! Dammit!
Sandi:	What is it now?
Jane:	You’re standing on my neck!
Sandi:	Hold on, I’ve almost… got it…
Jane:	Whoa… Hey, hey!
Sandi:	Aaaaaa!
	Jane and Sandi topple to the floor of the elevator.
Jane:	Ouch.
Sandi:	Oohhhh…
Jane:	Okay, that didn’t work. My turn on top. Let me borrow those heels.
	Dirty look from Sandi.

EXT: TALL BUILDING

Daria tries the doors outside the building Jane went into, but they won’t open. She checks her watch: It’s 2:30 PM.

Fade to

INT: ELEVATOR

Jane’s watch replaces Daria’s, it also says 2:30 PM.

	Jane and Sandi are sitting on the floor in one corner of the elevator.
Jane:	Okay, so we’ve got an empty lighter, some bottle caps, a couple of sticks of hot glue, and a gummy spider. That’s my pockets.
Sandi:	I’ve got two lipsticks, a mascara, an eyelash curler, nail polish, an eyebrow pencil, an eyeliner, three shades of blush, a tube of foundation, two eyeshadows –
Jane:	Enough, I get the point. So we have nothing that’s likely to be able to pry open the doors, no water, and no food except my gummy spider.
Sandi:	Eewww… I’m not eating that!
Jane:	Suit yourself. (She shoves it back in her pocket.)
	Silence.
Jane:	You know, it’s really not that bright in here. You could probably take the sunglasses off now.
	More silence.
Jane:	Unless, of course, they’re a new fashion statement.
	Further silence.
Jane:	So…
Sandi:	Look, I don’t want to talk about it!
Jane:	Hey, don’t get riled! Just making a simple observation.
Sandi:	Oh, like it matters now… (She whips off the glasses and scarf. Her forehead is bright red down to her nose. Her ears are even worse)
Jane:	Whoa, what happened to you?
Sandi:	If you must know, I’m allergic to the new hairspray we selected for New Products Week in fashion club. I’m here to see the (shudder) dermatologist.
Jane:	Damn, using it once did that to you?
Sandi:	(mumbling) I used it all week. Finished the bottle.
Jane:	And that was smart because…
Sandi:	I picked it out! I couldn’t let Quinn know I made a mistake like that, could I?
Jane:	Uh, Sandi, your head looks like a peeled tomato. Might that not give it away all by itself?
Sandi:	You don’t become president of the fashion club without learning how to apply foundation properly.
Jane:	Gotcha.
Sandi:	(peeved) You probably think this is a laugh riot, don’t you?
Jane:	Well, I’ll be honest with you, it is the funniest thing that’s happened in the last hour.
Sandi:	(starts to get angry, then changes her mind) As much as I hate to admit it, you’re probably right.
Jane:	(trying hard not to laugh) You know, anyone who’d do that to themselves for fashion really should have their head examined.
Sandi:	(glaring) That’s not funny.
	Jane cracks up. Sandi gets pissed and looks away.
Jane:	Hee he he… all right, okay, I’m okay now.
Sandi:	No, you’re right, in a way. I’ve let this whole thing go to my head.
Jane:	B-HAA, HA, HA! (Jane’s clutching her sides and rolling with laughter now.)
Sandi:	Oh, shut up, Quinn’s cousin’s friend. (Sandi is having trouble keeping a straight face herself, now. Finally, she gives in, and laughs right along with Jane)
Jane:	(sputtering to a halt) Oh, man, we’ve been in this elevator too long.
Sandi:	Tell me about it. I mean, here I am, talking to… (she stops, and her smile fades.)
Jane:	To… an outcast? a geek? a loner? A loser? or simply “an unpopular girl”?
Sandi:	I didn’t say that.
Jane:	Not as recently as today, anyway.
	Awkward silence. Sandi looks downcast. Jane’s smirk is still there, though barely.
Sandi:	So, what brings you here?
Jane:	You really want to know?
Sandi:	It’s better than not talking at all.
Jane:	Well, since you twist my arm, I’m here to see someone about my paintings. Baines Advertising Agency. I had an appointment about, oh, two hours ago.
Sandi:	Is that what all this stuff is?
Jane:	It’s some of my work that I’m not totally displeased with.
Sandi:	(a little unsure) Can I, um…
Jane:	(motions with her hand for further words) Yes?
Sandi:	Can I see some of them? Not that I’m really interested, of course, just to pass the time.
Jane:	Sure, I love to show my work to disinterested parties. And don’t worry, I’m used to harsh criticism.
	Jane unzips one of her portfolios and pulls out a stack of canvases. She props them up on the elevator wall where she was sitting.
Jane:	I tried to pack a wide range of styles. I didn’t know what the agency was looking for.
	Sandi looks at the first painting for a while, her face expressionless. She picks slowly through the stack. Jane begins to look nervous, wondering what’s coming.
Sandi:	These are…
Jane:	Go on, say it. I can take it.
Sandi:	These are… good.
	Jane sits up and takes interest. It wasn’t what she expected.
Jane:	You like it? Are you sure that hairspray didn’t seep through the scalp into your brain?
Sandi:	I mean, I could never do this. (she comes to a particularly gruesome red-and-black skull with flaming eyebrows and dripping blood, and shudders) Not that I’d want to, in this case.
Jane:	Well, it’s not for everyone.
Sandi:	I don’t get it. I mean, if I could do this, I’d make damn sure everyone knew it. Why don’t you tell people about this?
Jane:	The people who matter to me know. The people who don’t know don’t matter to me.
Sandi:	How can you say that? Don’t you care what people think about you?
Jane:	Remember who you’re talking to, here. I could count the number of people whose opinions really matter to me on the fingers of one hand, and still hail a cab with the one left over.
Sandi:	I don’t understand you at all! How do you expect to get anywhere if you can’t get people to see things the way you do?
Jane:	Where would that get me? Look, if someone says that they like my art, I want to know that they mean it. I don’t want people saying that just because it’s what they think I want to hear, because then it’s meaningless. Daria tells me straight out when she thinks something of mine is crap, and it doesn’t bother me, because at least I know it’s honest.
Sandi:	But – how can it not bother you when someone you really like puts you down like that?
Jane:	It’s what friends are all about, as far as I’m concerned. I couldn’t call her a friend if she just blindly went along with me, like Stacy does with you.
Sandi:	Stacy goes along with me because I know what’s right! All my friends do!
Jane:	Oh, please. She’s spineless and you take advantage. Tiffany seems to agree with whoever spoke last. And Quinn, she’s just humoring you. Come on, even you must see that.
Sandi:	It’s not like I don’t have any other friends, you know. I’m popular!
Jane:	Yeah, kind of like a road accident. Everyone gathers around and looks, but they don’t get too close.
Sandi:	Who are you to talk?
Jane:	Maybe I’m just someone who tells it like it is. Think about it – what if you were in real trouble, and needed a real friend to help you out. Who would you go to? Stacy, who if she ever thought about it would probably be happier without you around? How about Tiffany? Under stress, I doubt she could complete a sentence. Quinn? Don’t make me laugh. She’d install herself as the president of the Fashion club the moment she had the chance. Who does that leave other than a string of angry ex-boyfriends and a few dozen jealous girls who’d just as soon spit on you as anything else?
Sandi:	(thoughtful for a moment) You know, you’re not as self-assured as you think.
Jane:	I’m – what? (caught off guard)
Sandi:	Face it. I get under your skin. And now you’re trying to get under mine.
	Jane starts to say something, then thinks better of it. They sit in silence for a while, neither one looking at the other.
	After a bit, Jane reaches into her pocket, manipulates it for a moment, and holds a hand out to Sandi, without looking at her.
Jane:	Want half a gummi spider?
Sandi:	Sure.

EXT: BUILDING LOBBY

Daria’s looking at her watch – it’s 3:30. Jane’s two hours late. A bit of concern touches her normally stony expression. She goes to try the phone, but it’s dead. Grumbling, she sits down on a bench to wait some more. As she does, a number of city engineers and people in suits burst into the lobby, talking amongst themselves about the power failure, and head for a door that leads to the basement. Daria takes passing interest at this, then goes back to her book “Nuclear War: What’s In It For You?”

INT: ELEVATOR

Jane checks her watch – quarter to four.

Jane:	Look, Sandi, I’m sorry about what I said earlier. You were complimenting my paintings, and I thanked you by pointing out how shallow I thought you were.
Sandi:	Don’t worry about it. Anyway, you didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.
Jane:	Yeah, but you were right too. What the hell do I know about it?
	They smile at each other for a moment. There’s a bit of silence.
Sandi:	So, I was thinking… when we get to school on Monday…
Jane:	We can pretend this never happened, if you like.
Sandi:	I hope that’s not too shallow.
Jane:	Nah, we just come from completely different worlds. Probably better that we don’t associate outside these four walls.
Sandi:	(sudden interest) Of course, if you want a makeover or something, I could –
Jane:	It would probably be better if you didn’t.
Sandi:	Well, don’t ever tell anyone I said this, but…
Jane:	Yes?
Sandi:	I like your jacket. It’s cute.
Jane:	Great. Now I’ll have to burn it.
	Sandi giggles. Jane smirks.
Jane:	Tell me, why do you do it?
Sandi:	(eyes narrowing) What do you mean by that?
Jane:	Come on. You know what I mean. The constant jockeying for position, the need to be the most popular and the best dressed, with the cutest boyfriend-of-the-week. Why do you do it?
Sandi:	I wouldn’t expect you to understand.
Jane:	I didn’t expect you to understand my paintings. You did. You surprised me, and that’s not easy to do. Maybe I’ll surprise you a little.
Sandi:	(fixes Jane with a drilling look) This doesn’t leave this elevator, got it?
Jane:	Put me on the rack and I won’t tell a soul.
Sandi:	Not even Quinn’s cousin?
Jane:	(with emphasis) “Daria”. And, you should know by now, they’re sisters.
Sandi:	Oh, like who doesn’t know that? I just like to see Quinn sweat about it whenever she walks by.
Jane:	Wow, who’d have thought we’d have so much in common?
Sandi:	(smiles a bit, but only for a moment) Look, it’s important for me to have a little control over things. Maybe I lean on Stacy a bit, but that’s the way she is. She’s a follower. I didn’t make her that way, any more than I made Tiffany a complete moron. Then along comes Quinn, who goes through this whole façade of being bubbleheaded and cute, just so she can take my place. Well, I don’t back down that easy. I’m the President of the Fashion Club, and even though I’ll admit that the whole thing is stupid – (draws in breath – sounds almost like a sob) – I need it, I have to take charge and know I’ve got a handle on something.
Jane:	Why?
Sandi:	Don’t you see? It’s something I can control!
Jane:	Why is that so important?
Sandi:	Because my mother controls everything else, dammit! (she’s close to tears now)
	Jane waits for Sandi to compose herself.
Jane:	Look… I’m sorry, I –
Sandi:	Save your pity, all right! That’s the last thing I need! (she ties the scarf back on her head and slaps the sunglasses back on her face. It’s a clear dismissal)
	Jane starts to stand up – and gets knocked to the floor as the elevator starts moving again!
Jane:	Oof!! (she looks at Sandi and smiles wide. Sandi doesn’t see it, so Jane sighs and starts putting away her paintings) Sandi, just so you know, I keep my word. No one’s going to know what got said in here.
Sandi:	(mumbling) Thanks.

INT: LOBBY

With a “ding” the elevator doors open into a lobby crowded with people. Jane and Sandi burst from the elevator and make a beeline for the ladies’ room.

Jane:	One side, coming through! Hey Daria, get my stuff for me, will you?
Daria:	Huh?
	Daria’s query goes unanswered and Jane and Sandi both shoulder through the restroom door.

INT: RESTROOM SINK

Sandi is checking her rash in the mirror, sighs discontentedly, and adjusts the scarf and sunglasses to cover it.

Jane:	(emerging from a stall) You all right?
Sandi:	I’m fine.
	Jane starts to make further conversation, then thinks better of it. She goes to wash her hands, then turns to leave.
Sandi:	Jane, wait!
Jane:	Yeah?
Sandi:	Umm… listen… do you suppose that, if I ever were in real trouble, and needed a, um…
Jane:	Friend?
Sandi:	Yeah.
Jane:	(smirks) You’ll find me at the unpopular side of the cafeteria.
Sandi:	Thanks. (she gives Jane a genuine, heartfelt smile, then leaves the room)

INT: JANE’S ROOM

Jane is working on a canvas while Daria hangs out.

Jane:	So, I have another appointment for next week. I think I’ll take the stairs this time.
Daria:	I can’t believe that after almost four hours locked up with Sandi, you haven’t gone absolutely barking mad.
Jane:	It wasn’t easy. But, it wasn’t as hard as I might have imagined.
Daria:	What the hell did you guys find to talk about?
Jane:	Oh, you know, stuff.
Daria:	Right. So, what’s that you’re working on?
Jane:	Nothing that can’t wait. (she tosses her palette and paintbrush on the table) Besides, I seem to remember owing you a pizza. Let’s go get it.
Daria:	Now you’re talking.
	They both get up and leave the room. As they go, the camera falls on the painting Jane was working on. It’s not finished, but it clearly shows a thoughtful-looking Sandi, a scarf tied around her head, her sunglasses held in one had. She’s wearing Jane’s jacket.

ROLL END CREDITS & ALTER EGOS

ENDNOTES:

I’ll keep these brief.

My first fanfic. I wanted a simple story, something where I could concentrate on very few characters. I chose Jane because I’ve always liked Jane, and found her the most interesting character on the show. I chose Sandi because I feel she’s really gotten the shaft in other fanfics. I don’t think she’s such a villain, she just doesn’t have her priorities straight. Daria didn’t really need to be in it, but she is the star of the show in general so I didn’t want to exclude her completely.

A couple of points:

I have no idea what would really happen if you tried what Kevin did. But, I think it’s safe to say that we’re not likely to ever find out, seeing as no one is really stupid enough to do it.

I may be wrong, but I believe I’m the first fanfic writer to actually have a character say “You’re standing on my neck.”

In case you’re wondering, the four people Jane cares about are Trent, Daria, Ms. Defoe, and herself. I imagine Tom would be on the list too, but she hasn’t met him yet. Perhaps Ms. Defoe doesn’t belong on the list either, but I just get the feeling that Jane would respect her opinion.

Why isn’t Sandi’s mom there to pick her up, or wondering where she is? I’m assuming that Sandi had plans to go shopping or something. Basically, I didn’t feel like having a scene with Linda and Daria.

Daria’s book “Nuclear War: What’s in it for you?” actually exists. I came across it in my high school library. That was over ten years ago, and I’m not sure it’s still around. It just sounds like the sort of thing Daria would be interested in.

Sandi and her Mother: No matter how one tries to look at the sunny side, Sandi is a manipulative bitch. But she had to learn it from somewhere, and all the evidence points to Mommy Dearest. This was my biggest assumption of the entire story – the idea that Sandi’s obsession with fashion, her need to be in control, and her attitude all stem from her dysfunctional relationship with her mother. But, I think the TV show supports this hypothesis (unlike the theory that Trent is actually in love with Daria and, like her, can’t get the nerve to say so).

Comments, questions, scathing reviews? Dare I say it, fan art based on this story? (I can’t draw worth a dickybird) Contact me here: mailto:MikeYamiolkoski@cs.com

Copyright 2001 by Mike Yamiolkoski.

This story may be distributed freely as long as the author’s name, E-mail address, and this notice remain intact.

THANKS TO:

My wife Rachel, who came up with the idea for Kevin’s little accident and Sandi’s rash.

All the people at MTV who make Daria possible.

C. E. Forman, Jon Kilner, and John Berry, three fanfic authors whose works I’ve enjoyed very much.

Disclaimer: "Daria" and all related characters are trademarks of MTV Networks, a division of Viacom International Inc., and are used here without permission for the purpose of fan fiction.