Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV and Viacom productions


Note: This story as did the one that preceded it, proceeds under the premise that whatever was feared to occur at the onset of Y2K,....did.

Note: This story takes place approximately one year after "The Last Journey Home"



One season At A Time
By
Wildgoose




(The scene opens up at the inside of a mall, Jane Lane and Daria's two daughters Jane and Amy are seen walking in through the main entrance and are immediately hit with the powerful influence of all the smells sounds and decorative sights that the mall has had to offer ever since the start of the Christmas season. )

Jane: (Takes a deep breath) Oh yea, .........it's getting close to Christmas alright.

Amy: (turns to look at Jane) What tipped you off, was it the Christmas lights that are hung everywhere or the fact that there is some smelly old fat guy dressed in a santa suit sitting in the center of the mall so spoiled little kids can sit in his lap and soil it while they blurt out their tangible desires?

Jane: Hmm, tough call there. I'll get back to you on that.

Amy: (chuckles) Take your time. (Turns to Jane Lane) Thanks for bringing us to the mall aunt Jane.

Jane Lane: No problemo, I needed to come down here anyway. I haven't finished buying all the lumps of coal I need for Christmas presents. And Speaking of which, the two of you never did tell me what you wanted for Christmas? And don't give me that "oh just get me anything" routine, you know how much I hate that bit.

Amy: I honestly can't really think of anything aunt Jane, I'm pretty sure mom has got the clothes department covered and I don't really consider myself materialistic, .....that is unless you're giving out cash this year.

Jane Lane: So money STILL talks does it?

Amy: Did it ever stop?

Jane Lane: Alas, no. In fact these days I think it uses a bullhorn. (Sighs) what about you Jane?

Jane: I don't think you can provide what I want aunt Jane.

Jane Lane: Try me and I'll do my best.

Jane: Snow.

Jane Lane: (almost does a double take) Say what?

Jane: I want snow for Christmas, a whole heaping pile of it. I've never seen snow fall anywhere near Christmas time, It would be nice for once.

Jane Lane: You're right, I can't provide that. I think you'll need to speak to the C.O. of the cosmos on that one. Anything else?

Jane: Nothing springs to mind.

Jane Lane: (sighs) Has your mother ever told you that you two are about the most impossible people to buy for?

Jane and Amy: (in unison) Many times.

Jane Lane: (scratches her forehead in frustration and decides to change the subject) So..... who do YOU still need to buy for?

Jane: Now, now.....no prying.

Jane Lane: (snaps her fingers) Damn!!!

Jane: As long as we're here, I do need to stop by the music store to get something for myself. (Amy turns to Jane with a curious look) What? I can think of myself once in a while can't I?

Amy: (shakes her head) Tsk...tsk.

Jane Lane: (rolls her eyes) Anyway, why the music store? I thought you had every cd imaginable.

Jane: Nah, I don't need any cd's. I need a guitar pick, I broke my last one.

Jane Lane: (chuckles) Been sneaking in a little practice on your dad's guitar, huh?

Jane : Yea, but I still suck. That open D is a real bitch and a half to master. (Jane Lane gives her a snide look and then a light smack up side the head) OW! What did you do that for?

Jane Lane: Sorry, orders from the parental units.

Amy: (Laughs) Just when you thought it was safe to open your mouth, the younger sibling takes a lick.

Jane: (scowls) I may be younger than you, but only by five minutes. So don't be so high and mighty about it.

Amy: (egging her sister on) I scored higher than you on the sat's.

Jane: (scowls as she crosses her arms about her chest) Hey I told you, I had cramps that week ok? (Smirks) Besides, at least I can tolerate contacts.

Amy: (pretends to reel from some sort of impact) OH, .....that was a low blow.

Jane Lane: Enough with the sibling rivalry, I caught enough of that action from watching your mom and her sister go at it all the time. And speaking of your mom, have you at least shopped for HER yet?

Amy: Oh yea, she and dad are always first on the list. But we're trying to get an extra gift for the three of you to enjoy. It's a work in progress.

Jane Lane: I take it this isn't a gift that can be bought in a store?

Amy: Not exactly, no.

Jane Lane: (Smirks) That's the best kind, I can't wait already. (Sighs) To the music store then. (The three of them alter their direction of travel and soon find themselves entering the music store) Okay, go do your business. I'll hang around the cd section and see if there's anything out worth listening to.

Jane: (looks directly at Jane Lane and lifts an eyebrow) Respecting the law of the teenagers, are we aunt Jane?

Jane Lane: (shrugs) Somebody's got to do it. (Jane Lane turns to start browsing through cd titles while Jane and Amy head to the instrument section of the store to take care of their own business)

(Cut to two hours later)

(The three of them have since left the mall and traveled to Mystik Spiral recordings a little ways outside of town. Show Jane Lane sticking her head in through a doorway to look at Trent sitting at a desk in his office while doing his best to make use of his computer)

Jane Lane: Hey Trent, how's the business?

Trent: (looks up from his computer slightly startled) Ahh.......Oh Janie, it's you.

Jane Lane: Yea, last time I checked I was. But you never can tell if the aliens are going to come back and switch my body with somebody else's again. They're some crafty little devils, let me tell you.

Trent: (Smiles) You're STILL weird, Jane.

Jane Lane: (steps fully into the doorway and takes a bow) Thank you. So anyway, like I said. How's the business?

Trent: Well, it's not exactly where I'd hoped to be with the band by now. But, .....it's always been a way of providing some extra money for the family when Daria was away. That, and at least if I can't make it big in the music business I can at least give the other underdogs a chance to be heard. That's all me and the other guys had ever wanted, a chance to be heard.

Jane Lane: Oh Trent, you old softie.

Trent: (chuckles) Yea,... I guess. Still though, at thirty dollars an hour for studio time. It's enough to make some decent money, yet still affordable enough for a lot of start ups and garage bands to record their stuff.

Jane Lane: You've got to do what you've got to do I guess, and that brings me to another thought. I found a couple of things that belong to you, they sort of latched on to me like lost puppies and I was thinking you could take them off my hands for a while so I could go do some errands of my own.

Trent: (looks confused) Huh........? (Jane and Amy step in through the door on either side of Jane Lane)

Jane and Amy: (in unison) Hey dad.........

Trent: (smirks at Jane) Like lost puppies huh?

Jane Lane: Okay, so they're very SMART lost puppies.

Trent: (chuckles to himself) Hey girls,.... so what REALLY brings you by?

Jane: Not much, we just wanted to see if maybe you might be able to slide us into one of the studios for a little bit.

Trent: (leans back into his chair) Funny you should mention that, the last time you were in here I found a broken string on that strata-caster I got in recently. You girls wouldn't know anything about that would you?

Amy: (looks at Jane and mumbles) You're busted......

Jane: Um.......sorry?

Trent: Sorry, ...huh?

Jane: (looks worried ) Uh......really sorry?

Trent: (smirks) A bit of advice for you,....don't pluck so hard at the strings no matter how hard your trying. Mastery takes patience, it can't be forced.

Jane: Um.....okay. I'll make an effort to take it easy next time.

Trent: See that you do, quality strings aren't as cheap as they used to be. (Motions with his thumb) Number six should be free for the next two hours, go have some fun.

Jane: Thanks dad..... (They both turn and walk out past Jane Lane) Thanks for everything aunt Jane.

Jane Lane: No problem.... (Turns back to Trent) So they come in here often do they?

Trent: More and more lately,.....and what's strange is I can't help but hope they're not going to try to take the road I had wanted to.

Jane Lane: What's stranger is that I only found out recently that the two of them could play.

Trent: You could hear them from that far away, huh?

Jane Lane: Not yet, but if I know you musical types it's only a matter of time.

Trent: (laugh/coughs) We did tend to get loud in our youths didn't we.

Jane Lane: Oh yea.... So where did they pick it up from,... you?

Trent: (smirks) No, they never asked actually. And I was afraid to push them into something they might not want to do, you know?

Jane Lane: I guess, so where did they pick it up from then?

Trent: (scratches at his chin) From what I can tell, Amy taught herself to play the drums. She's been sneaking into the garage to jam on Max's set. I remember when I first found out, I came home one day and I could hear her going at it from the driveway. She never heard me come in, so I stood in the doorway for god knows how long just watching. (Shakes his head) God, she's gotten good since then.

Jane Lane: And Jane?

Trent: (sighs) I'm not sure really, I think Nick may have had a hand in that one. She needs a bit of work to become good though, but between the two of them it's staggering how much potential is there.

Jane Lane: But yet you don't want to encourage them in their talents?

Trent: On the contrary, why do you think I let them use the studio equipment so much? I'm just afraid that they'll make the same mistakes I did in the past. (Chuckles to himself) I honestly think that if Daria and I hadn't gotten together, I'd probably still be a couch potato who'll never get anywhere in life.

Jane Lane: Unfortunately I'm forced to agree with you there, but I wouldn't call trying to make your dreams come true a mistake.

Trent: No, that wasn't the mistake. The mistake was trying to rely souly on that one break and never even considering some sort of back up plan for myself. Daria was the motivator that saved me from myself, she pushed me to get off my ass.

Jane Lane: I had told her that those boots would come in handy more and more often, and she didn't believe me at first. That is until she had to use them on you. Figuratively speaking of coarse.

Trent: Of coarse. The best way is probably to let them discover themselves in the music department, then let them decide where to take it.

Jane Lane: Daria would agree with you on that, I think. And speaking of Daria, where is my old friend today?

Trent: She'll be home this evening, she went to visit her mom for a bit. You know how Daria gets this time of year.

Jane Lane: Well that explains why the girls had to come to me for transportation, even after all this time. Daria still needs her alone time.

Trent: Everybody needs something, even Daria.

Jane Lane: (looks at the floor for a moment and pauses before speaking) Yea, ....I know.

Trent: (studies her for a moment) I was talking to William recently.

Jane Lane: You're kidding, my son actually decided to pick up the phone and use it? And here I thought his computer's modem had become an integral part of him that could never possibly be severed. So what did he have to say?

Trent: That you were seriously getting back into art again. He said you managed to sell one of your paintings to the 1st national bank the other day.

Jane Lane: And you thought stiffs didn't have taste.

Trent: (laugh/coughs) It's good to see you doing what you love most again.

Jane Lane: Well, now that I'm not away for three quarters of the year at a time I find myself longing for something to do. I need to make some extra cash some how don't I?

Trent: I guess. (Thinks for a moment) So are you and William coming over for Christmas?

Jane Lane: Wouldn't miss it. (Sighs) Well, I've dropped my load off on you so I might as well go catch up with Daria and see how she's doing.

Trent: That's cool, she's been pretty bummed out lately what with one full year having past already. (1) She needs you, you know.... to talk to. You know where it is, right?

Jane Lane: I'm pretty sure I remember. I'll see you later then.

Trent: Later... (Jane Lane turns and heads out the door and down the hallway to the buildings exit)

(Cut to the Lawndale Cemetery about an hour later)

(As Jane walks through the rows of headstones She can see Daria maybe a hundred or so yards ahead of her. Daria's back is turned and so doesn't see Jane's approach. She walks right up behind Daria and places a hand on her shoulder)

Daria: (as Jane Lane places a hand on her shoulder) AH!!! (Daria turns to come face to face with Jane Lane)

Jane Lane: Hey Amiga, heard any interesting conversations out here lately?

Daria: Dammit Jane, you almost gave me a heart attack.

Jane Lane: (looks about at the headstones) So you'd be joining the crowd out here then?

Daria: (scowls) That's not funny, Jane.

Jane Lane: (Sighs) Yea, I know. I'm sorry, are you okay?

Daria: (looks down at the headstone bearing the Name of Helen Morgendorffer) About as well as can be expected, I guess.

Jane Lane: It's been over a year now I think.

Daria: According to the little calendar on the refrigerator, yea.. (Looks down at the ground for a moment) It's not the same without her, I sometimes expect the phone to ring because she's calling to nag me about something.

Jane Lane: It's not going stop hurting anytime soon, Daria. You have to give it a good amount of time, one year just isn't enough. And nothing makes pain go away faster than talking with a good friend, hence the reason behind my presence here today. By the way, how long have you been out here?

Daria: (smiles a little bit) All morning, it's really peaceful out here.

Jane Lane: (shivers a little bit) Not to mention cold, you do know it's mid December don't you?

Daria: A little birdy did mention that fact to me, yes.

Jane Lane: The tell tale calendar on the fridge again, huh?

Daria: You're quick as always, Jane.

Jane Lane: My middle name isn't coyote for nothing.

Daria: Yet you still haven't caught that road runner yet, have you?

Jane Lane: (Imitates the road runner, then laughs) Hey, it's only a matter of time now. (Beat) So do you want to get out of the cold for a bit, maybe get some pizza? As much as I hate to see ourselves back in Lawndale, the pizza king IS still around and it's just so hard to get grease of that quality anymore.

Daria: Hmm.....quality cholesterol, how can I possibly resist an offer of this nature?

Jane Lane: It's simple,... don't. (Looks at the flowers Daria is holding in her hands) Give yourself a few minutes, I'll meet you at the car.

Daria: Right then, see you at the car. By the way, are we taking yours or mine?

Jane Lane: We can take mine for once, I figure I've used up enough of your gas.

Daria: Wow....I'm touched, Jane. You're not going to use up all my gas for once, .....I mean it's beautiful, ...REALLY. I ....I think we've gotta hug or something. (Extends her arms in jest)

Jane Lane: Whoa....A thank you will do nicely.

Daria: (Laughs) I'll meet you at the car in a minute.

Jane Lane: (turns to walk to the car) I'll see you there old friend.

(Daria turns to face her mothers grave, stands there for a moment and then places the flowers she was holding at the base of the head stone, sighs and turns to head for the car)

Daria: (once in the car Jane starts it up and they head off) To the pizza king then.

Jane Lane: Oh by the way, if memory serves we do have to drive by the school on the way.

Daria: It's still there?

Jane Lane: Not exactly, they had to rebuild it after Y2K. Apparently the concrete used to build the school was sub standard or something and ended up being susceptible to various levels of nuclear radiation. The whole thing came crumbling down one night and they had to rebuild it from scratch.

Daria: (slight disbelief) I never heard about that. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for having missed such an auspicious moment. (Punches the dashboard lightly) DAMN!!!!!!

Jane Lane: Well, you would have at least KNOWN if you had read all the way through that book I had put together for you. (3)

Daria: (rolls her eyes) The one time I forgot to study and look at what I've missed out on.

Jane Lane: Tsk, tsk....WHAT am I going to do with you young lady?

Daria: (looks at the mirror ro see some of the gray that has started to appear over the years) Young? I only wish I still fit that description.

Jane Lane: Your only as young as you feel you know.

Daria: (scowls) Don't even TOUCH on that one, Janet.

Jane Lane: (gritting her teeth) I TOLD you, don't EVER call me that!! (Daria turns to face the window and laughs. As the car turns the corner the high school comes into view) I wonder if we'll see any of the old faculty hanging around outside.

Daria: (turns to look at Jane) Don't tell me Ms. Li is still the principle there?

Jane Lane: Actually, no. She bought it a few years ago from what I hear, apparently one or more students either current or ex was holding a grudge of sorts and planted a bomb in her car. She went to leave the school for the day and when she opened the car door....BOOM. The next thing you know Ms. Li is scattered across the Lawndale High landscape.

Daria: I guess all of those extraneous security measures of her's were all for naught. They couldn't even save her from one little explosive device.

Jane Lane: (Shakes her head) It's all in that book I had made up for you. You really haven't finished it yet have you?

Daria : Not completely, no. And thanks for reinforcing my Christmas spirit with that imagery back there Jane.

Jane Lane: Hey somebody had to do it, the next thing you know you very well might have broken into song and started to sing Christmas carols or something if I hadn't. Remember last year? You were so happy to be home for the holidays for once.

Daria: (shivers at the thought of this) On second thought, thanks again.

Jane Lane: I thought you might see things my way. (Jane accelerates past the school and within ten minutes they both find themselves entering the pizza king and sitting down with a pie. Jane places a plastic bag off to the side which she had taken from her trunk before entering the restaurant)

Daria: Are you going to tell me what's in that bag or not?

Jane Lane: Oh this, ....I took the liberty of stopping by your house and retrieving something before coming to find you.

Daria: You went in my house without anybody home?

Jane Lane: (smiles) Aren't you glad you gave me a key?

Daria: Oh yea, I'm just wearing one HUGE happy hat over the fact. So what did you swipe from my house already?

Jane Lane: Eggar aren't you? I knew you hadn't finished the book yet, so I brought it with me. I figured we could spend the afternoon laughing at the past.

Daria: (takes a slice out of the box and digs in) So how DID you manage to get the CIA to research all of this for you?

Jane Lane: Like I said when I first gave it to you, I called in some markers with some of the people who work there.

Daria: Now what sort of markers could those people possibly owe a retired navy commander?

Jane Lane: Hey, I wasn't retired at the time. (smiles evilly) Besides, ever hear of classified information?

Daria: (shakes her head) Never mind, I already don't want to know.

Jane Lane: You're better off not knowing I think. So anyway, how far have you gotten in this thing?

Daria: (swallows a bite of pizza) About page thirty I think.

Jane Lane: (gawks) You read only thirty pages? Rob made his best effort to collect every piece on nitty gritty available on everyone we went to high school with. I thought you'd be a little more interested than this.

Daria: Rob?

Jane Lane: (blushes) My friend in the CIA.

Daria: Really, how CLOSE a friend.

Jane Lane: (mumbles) Closer than his wife would like no doubt.

Daria: (lifts an eyebrow in interest) Bump buddies??

Jane Lane: Look, lets just leave it like this. I like him, he likes me, she's not giving him any, I am, and then he does dirty jobs for me to make me happy. It's the perfect relationship without the unnecessary entanglements. We can both walk away from it if we need to. Understand?

Daria: Give me a minute and I'll do my best sergeant Schultz impression.

Jane Lane: (grins) Again, I knew you'd see things my way. (Pulls the book out and begins to flip through the pages until she comes to the one about Ms.Li) See, I told you she bought it.

Daria: (leans forward to take a closer look) And according the bomb damage assessment, the culprit was likely a professional. What IS the world coming to?

Jane Lane: It's senses perhaps?

Daria: Just maybe. (Beat) So whatever happened to Andrea?

Jane Lane: (begins flipping through the pages) Jeez, it's a good thing these people are listed in alphabetical order. Oh here we go, incinerated at the onset of Y2K. Apparently she decided to embrace the horror by standing outside and watching the night unfold until the town she was in at the time took a direct hit.

Daria: The town she was in at the TIME?

Jane Lane: Yea, apparently her grandparents live down south and she was visiting for the holidays.

Daria: (shakes her head) Done in true Andrea style to the end. (2)

(The scene fades out and then in again as Daria tries to imagine Andrea's last moments. The scene is now somewhere in south Carolina at her grandparents house)

(Andrea is standing out in her grandparents back yard holding a forty of beer in one hand and a joint in the other. She's obviously inebriated as she can barely stand as she watches this night gone horribly wrong unfold)

Andrea: (looking up at the sky as the fire trail from an ICBM passes over head) Ha!! You (hic) missed me! (Takes a swig from the beer)

Grandmother: Andrea, get the hell in here. We have to get the hell out of here NOW!!

Andrea: No Way! Dammit, if the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket I want to see it happen! (Hic)

(The sky in the distance turns bright white as an explosion takes place and the constant rumble that is heard causes the windows on the house to rattle until they shatter. Shortly afterward a dissipating shockwave passes through the area and is just barely strong enough to toss Andrea backward several feet.)

Andrea: (Yelling at the sky towards another approaching fire trail) You call that a hit?? Bring it on Dammit! (Stumbles and falls on her ass seconds before the missile passes over head and a few seconds later detonates in the air, the scene turns blindingly bright and the scene fades out and back into the pizza place with Daria and Jane)

Daria: So who else is in there?

Jane Lane: I thought you'd never ask. (Jane flips to the next page and the scene fades out)

(Cut to Jane Lane's home the day before Christmas eve.)

(Jane, Amy, and William are upstairs in William's room, William is busy with an odd sort of painting featuring possibly one of his teachers being subjected to the rack while at the same time the person is subjected to Chinese water torture. Amy is lying upside down on William's bed while speed reading a book, and Jane is busy at the computer desk typing something.)

Jane: (turns around from the computer) I said it once, and I'll say it again William. You have THE coolest room

William: (smirks) Yea, well I can't take all the credit for that one. (He puts down his paint brush and walks over to the computer desk and opens a drawer withdrawing a stack of pictures) I have to admit I followed someone else's example. (William hands the photos to Jane and she starts to thumb through them)

Jane: Where was this photo taken an insane asylum? This looks like a cross between an isolation tank and a teenagers room.

William: Believe it or not, that's your mom's room when she was a little bit older than you are.

Amy: (tosses her book aside) Whoa, this I've got to see! Where did you get these?

William: My mom has them all over the place, she liked to take photos of just about everything that was sick and sad. And it just so happened that your mom's room fit that description at the time. Pretty cool huh? (Jane thumbs further though the stack) Some of these were the inspiration behind my best works so far. There's a picture of our parents when they were teenagers in there somewhere. (Jane thumbs further) There you go!

Amy: Damn! Mom sure was a lot shorter back then.

Jane: (Points to Jesse) Who's this guy? He's cute as hell.

William: That is.....WAS my dad. He died before I was born.

Amy: (looks back and forth between William and the photo) You know if you had brown hair you'd be a dead ringer for him.

Jane: (looks William over) Eh....he'd need to work out a bit too.

Amy: It's close enough.

William: I'll take it as a compliment anyway. (Points to Jane Lane in the picture) There's my mom, your dad, and there's aunt Quinn.

Jane: So who's holding the camera?

William: You've got me, maybe your grand mom.

Amy: Are there any pictures of HER in this stack?

William: None that I've seen, sorry. You can hold onto those if you want, I've completed any projects that have stemmed from them. And speaking of projects, how's your end of the Christmas project coming along?

Jane: Well, the lyrics are almost done. I'm still tweaking them a bit. How about your part?

William: Sheet music's BEEN done, we just need to get some practice in. Christmas is only a week away you know.

Jane: Why do I have to be on lead? I suck at the guitar.

Amy: We discussed this already, I can't play the guitar and William is good on the base but he doesn't have the voice for the lyrics. You do, therefore you're on lead.

Jane: I'm gonna screw up, I do maybe half the time.

William: (reassuringly) Look, if you think you're gonna bone a chord then just add lib it into something you can manage. Cool?

Jane: I'd feel better about it if you were on lead instead.

William: (shakes his head and turns to Amy) How is it that the two of you are twins, yet she's so insecure about her talents and you're cool as a cucumber?

Amy: We're fraternal twins, not identical.

Jane: (shrugs) Yea, besides cucumbers need to be peeled first.

Amy: (scowls) Remind me to kick your ass later, sis. (Jane laughs)

William: (looks confused) Um....ok, what did I just miss here?

Jane: It's a personal joke, I could tell you but then my sister would have to kill you for knowing to much.

William: (pinches his sinuses) Whatever, listen getting back to the "project", when do you think your garage will be available to use for practice. I'm assuming your dad's band still keeps their stuff set up in there.

Amy: Are you kidding, it's one of the constants in the universe, it ranks right up there with Newton's laws of physics. "The instruments of the band Mystik Spiral once set up shall remain set up unless acted upon by a superior outside force."

Jane: In other words, unless she starts whaling on the drums a little too hard, the stuff should always be there.

William: Works for me then. (Looks at what Jane has been typing on the computer) Are these the lyrics?

Jane: Yea, but like I said. I'm still tweaking them. What do you think so far? (Amy comes over to join William in looking over Jane's work)

Amy: Not bad, keep tweaking though. Some of it doesn't quite sit right.

Jane: How so?

Amy: Well look at the lyrics and try to think of them as a mathematical algorithm, everything has to go together just so in order for the whole thing to work the way you want it to.

Jane: Like an algorithm? Are we talking boolean logic here or what?

William: (starts glancing back and forth between Jane and Amy while giving a bazaar look) Can I interrupt for a second? The two of you are talking like you've got doctorates already, what the hell are you still doing in tenth grade?

Jane: What do you want,... last year the school board insisted we skip a couple....maybe three grade levels and well, here we are.

William: Well listen, this is music we're talking about here so lets keep the lingo on a level I can understand okay?

Amy: Jeez, you try to find a better way to relate to something and everybody gets anal about it.

William: Hey, lets get back to the task at hand. I thought we were in the process of busting on your sister.

Jane: (smirks evilly and decides to twist his words around) You WOULD be looking at my bust.

William: (smirks and decides to bite) Well the letters on the front of your high school sweat shirt HAVE started to seriously bend around the sides in the past few months, how could a guy not notice THAT.

Jane: (raises an eyebrow) That's like saying how can a girl not notice that you have a nice tight ass, right William? (William blushes slightly as Jane chuckles to herself) That got him.....

Amy: (looks at the two of them) I guess incest really IS best when you put your cousin to the test

Jane: (attempts to play it off) Oh give your hormones a rest will you Amy. (Grabs a wadded up piece of paper off the desk and tosses it at Amy)

Amy: Blasphemy, you dare attack me with a shredded tree? (Reaches over and grabs the pillow off Williams bed and swings it at Jane who ducks just in time only to see William take the hit)

William: (reels from the impact and then grabs the other pillow off the bed) Foolish mortal, you dare attack the night who says neep? (Swings the pillow into Amy's side) And I shall say neep again if you do not appease me. (Reference to Monty Python)

Amy: (laughing) Jane, hold him down while I beat the hell out of him.

Jane: (just stands off to the side and watches while pretending to munch on popcorn) Nah, that's okay. Your doing fine as it is.

William: (ducks Amy's next swing and holds his arms out as a signal to stop) Whoa, .....whoa!

Amy: What?

William: (points his thumb towards Jane) We can't just leave your sister out of this, we're having to much fun over here.

Amy: You know what, you're right. I mean after all, she did start all of this. (They both turn to look at Jane with evil grins)

Jane: Oh crap! (Tries to run past them but is tackled in the process and Amy and William commence they're bombardment with pillows) Guys, the project. OOF! We should get back to work, Christmas is next week.

Amy: (pauses in her assault) Oh it can wait a minute. How about you Will?

William: (looks at his watch) Oh yea, We've got HERDS of time. (Continues with the pillow fight)

(Cut to Daria's car that evening)

(Daria and Jane are en route to a not so nearby mall in effort to finish their Christmas shopping)

Jane Lane: So why didn't you drag Trent along with us, I'm certain he would have made a good pack horse. And just think of how much he'll appreciate being at home with you when it's all over and he needs a foot massage or something..

Daria: Well, that thought did cross my mind, except for the foot massage, ....Ewe. But I'm afraid he'll fall asleep during bipedal transit and fall head first into that big water fountain in the center of the building.

Jane Lane: So no matter where you were in the mall, you'd worry about Trent somehow sleepwalking his way to a giant water fountain and drowning himself?

Daria: Hey, he's done stranger things in his sleep.

Jane Lane: Really, Dare I ask?

Daria: You may not, some of these incidents are rather personal in nature.

Jane Lane: None of them involved you bending over backwards did they? (Daria doesn't answer) Damn Daria, you really Do keep the most interesting details of your life from me. I need to pry for information more often.

Daria: Maybe I should inquire about your personal exploits with a married man more often.

Jane Lane: Ouch! That's a pretty low blow there, Daria.

Daria: Not really, I've never been into that sort of thing. (Gives Jane a snide look)

Jane Lane: (smiles) I knew you had sick sense of humor hiding within you somewhere.

Daria: I must, how else could I stand listening to your personal exploits while we were on duty.

Jane Lane: Hey, I still have a bunch of stories I haven't told you about yet. So anyway, getting back to Trent. What's he doing tonight instead coming to the mall with us?

Daria : He went to look for a Christmas Tree.

Jane Lane: Wait, how can that be? The girls were still at home and he had already left the house, wouldn't they want to be involved in the selection process?.

Daria: For some reason they didn't seem that interested in going this year, they just kept hanging around the garage like flies.

Jane Lane: (smirks) And meanwhile, you don't seem the least bit suspicious that they're up to something AND you let Trent go out by himself to look for a Christmas tree....by himself. Alright, who are you and what have you done with my sister in law? And don't lie, I have WAYS of making you talk.

Daria: He didn't go by himself, I guess you didn't see who he left WITH did you?

Jane Lane: I have the feeling this is about to get a lot more interesting.

Daria: Naturally. I saw him meet up with Nick and Max outside the house. (They arrive at the mall and Daria parks the car)

Jane Lane: That much man power for one Christmas tree? What, are they going to do drive out into east bumblefuck and cut one down themselves?

Daria: Well, if they all come home empty handed looking like something heavy fell on them and they're covered with sawdust and pine needles then I guess we'll know won't we.

Jane Lane: (pauses) I'm bringing my Polaroid over and waiting up with you.

Daria: I was wondering if you'd ask.

Jane Lane: So what type of tree do you think they'll bring home?

Daria: Do you remember National Lampoons Christmas Vacation when the guy brought the tree home from the woods, set it up, and then cut the rope that was keeping the branches in?

Jane: (eyes widen) Better make sure the windows are open just in case. (They both exit the car and head into the mall)

(Cut to inside the mall)

(The man dressed as santa clause along with a rather tall elf can be seen from Daria and Jane's point of view as they enter the main set of doors. Christmas music can be heard from the speakers in the ceiling high above which is occasionally interrupted by the service desk paging someone or by a sales pitch for a store in the mall. )

Jane Lane: (looks over at a little girl getting ready to sit in santa's lap) I wonder how many times that lap has been urinated on today?

Daria: Take a closer look at the suit, if it's starting to look more like a yellow then a red then it's already been too many times to save the man. (Jane chuckles just before an all to familiar laugh is heard by Daria coming from the man in the santa suit)

Man in santa suite: (as a little girl sits in his lap) Uh huh huh huh, so like uh.....what do you want little girl? (The little girl whispers in his ear) Whoa,.....hey Beavis! This chick wants one of those ani....anim....An..im...ated Barbie thingies.

Beavis: (dressed as the elf) Whoa....aren't those things like, for girls or something. Jeez, this kid sucks. (The little girl starts to cry and the girls mother pulls her off butt-heads lap and punches him out, then storms off with the girl in hand.) Whoa!!! That was pretty cool butt head, do it again.

Butt head: No way, that um...hurt, ....or something.

Beavis: Um...ok, then uh....lets find another kid. (Butt head stands up from the chair to show a large wet stain on his leg) Whoa....check it out, that kid peed on you. Mmm...heh, That's pretty cool!

Butt head: (Smacks Beavis) No it isn't you fart knocker, it stinks. Now find me a towel before I kick your ass again.

Beavis: Mmm...heh, you said ass. That's pretty cool too. (Turns around to go off in search of a towel and spies Daria. The wheels turn in his head for a good minute or so before he says something) Hey Butt head, check it out. I think we know this chick.

Butt head: Huh, where?

Beavis: Over there. (Points at Daria)

Butthead: (looks at Daria) Ummm...........................uh...........................WHOA!!! I think it's that Daria chick we used to know!

Beavis: Mmm heh heh, are you sure? She looks kind of old to be her, and look ...this chicks got boobs. Wasn't she flat?

Butt head: You dumb ass, she must have grown up or something. Hey lets see if she'll talk to us.

(Beavis and Butt head start their Diarrhea chant)

(Cut over to Daria and Jane Lane)

Daria: (shudders after B&B have drawn Jane's attention as well) Jane, if you have any sort of weapon on you, please give it to me now.

Jane Lane: Since when are you bugged by a brainless moron in a santa suit?

Daria: Do you remember when I first moved to Lawndale and I told you about these two idiots I managed to escape named Beavis and Butthead and how they used to twist my name into a sick joke?

Jane Lane: (listens more closely to B&B's chant) Oh my god.....they've found you, I don't know how but they've found you. RUN for it Daria!! (Turns and smirks at a scowling Daria)

Daria: Yea, I think fates twisted sense of humor just got insanely ugly. So about those weapons?

Jane Lane: No can do amiga, I keep my service piece locked up home. Never ever to see the light of day again.

Daria: (sighs) Where's a mark forty eight torpedo when you need one.

Jane Lane: No good, I don't think those work very well on land. Anyway,...at least they don't know where you live, and if they find out we can run them over with the car and make it look like an accident.

Daria: Shining a flashlight at me from the other end of the tunnel, eh Jane?

Jane: (smirks) Sorry, I was all out of sunlight.

Daria: (sighs) In that case, exit stage right with extreme haste.

Jane Lane: Don't worry, we'll find another mall. (Daria reaches into her pocket and then hands Jane a hundred dollar bill) What's this for?

Daria: To insure that you will never....ever talk about them in any way shape or form to or in front of my kids.

Jane Lane: (scoffs) Oh yea, right....like I would want MY kid to meet those imbeciles. (Hands it back to Daria) Keep your money, I'll keep my mouth shut out of pure respect for above normal human intelligence.

Daria: Thank you for that, Jane. (They turn and leave the mall quickly leaving Beavis and Butt-head to face the malls manager as he came out to fire the both of them at which point Beavis pulls his shirt over his head and begins his Cornholio routine.)

(Cut to a mall in another town)

Jane Lane: What are the odds of those to idiots ending up only two towns away from our homes, To say NOTHING about even finding the simplest of jobs?

Daria: To be honest Jane, I'd rather not think about it right now. If only they'd just disappear from society.

Jane Lane: Well, I guess those two are the exception to the rule.

Daria; What rule?

Jane Lane: Wasn't it always said that after a nuclear war there would only be cockroaches left to inherit the earth?

Daria: What makes you think that they are an exception to any kind of rule? They both bear a strong resemblance to cockroaches to me.

Jane Lane: Hmm....you may have a point there, I must say...the intelligence level was almost identical. Anyway, if you're good this year maybe the REAL santa will take care of them for you.

Daria: (smirks) If only, Jane. If only.

Jane Lane: (Laughs) We'll see what santa can do then.

Daria: Let's just get this done and over with, I'm afraid I might have some sort of sudden and violent allergic reaction if we come across a nut stand in here.

Jane Lane: Right then, a shopping we will go. Let's just make sure we get home in time to see what Trent and the guys bring home. I WANT that picture.

Daria: And you shall have it, my friend... Patience.

Jane Lane: Oh Daria, your such a sweet talker.

Daria: Yea, yea....let's just get in here and get out. You know how much I hate shopping, ....and people.

Jane Lane: After so long you still enjoy your solitude, I guess some things never do change.

Daria: Thank god. (They begin to wander in and out of the stores looking for whatever items they need to make the holidays complete for the kids)

Jane Lane: It's funny now that I think about it.

Daria: (looks at her friend in confusion) What is?

Jane Lane: Us....shopping for our kids for Christmas.

Daria: What's so funny about it?

Jane Lane: Well as I recall, you once said that you didn't even like kids even when you were a kid. And now here you are with two of your own.

Daria: (frowns) Ok, so they weren't planned. What's your point?

Jane Lane: No point, amiga. I just thought it was funny that's all.

Daria: (thinks for a moment and then her frown turns to a smirk) The funny thing is that I didn't catch on right away.

Jane Lane: Hey it's not your fault, morning sickness can EASILY be mistaken for sea sickness when you've spent months at a time on a submarine. Oh wait, I guess you would have gotten used to it by then wouldn't you. I guess it really WAS your fault after all.

Daria: (gives Jane a shove) Just keep walking, wise ass.

Jane Lane: (laughs) Better than a dumb ass.

(Cut to Daria's house a couple of hours later)

(Daria and Jane Lane come walking in the front door to see Trent, Nick and Max tightening the base screws of a tree stand into the base of a Christmas tree with it's branches still bound in rope.)

Nick: You need to tighten them more, man. The Tree's gonna lean over to the left if you don't.

Trent: Hey man, I know what I'm doing. I do this every year.

Max: Yea, but you've never gone out into the woods to cut one down before.

Jane Lane: (turns and looks at Daria) You were right, they did drive out to east bumblefuck to get a tree.

Daria: (pulls her glasses forward a bit and looks at Jane) You're not going to owe me dinner are you?

Jane Lane: Hey, I may bend all sorts of ways Daria but I assure you THAT isn't one of them.

Daria: (replaces her glasses) Just checking.

Jane Lane: Do you think we should help them?

Daria: If you really want to, but I'm staying at a nice safe distance if you don't mind.

Jane Lane: Hmm....probably a good call.

Daria: (crosses her arms) Uh huh.....

Jane Lane: (pulls out her camera and get it ready) Just in case.

(After a few moments Trent stands up and goes to get a knife to cut the rope with)

Trent: Okay, lets cut her loose. (Starts to cut the ropes holding the branches in)

Jane Lane: (to Daria) This should be good. (Daria nods silently as Jane holds her camera up to eye level as Trent finishes cutting the rope and to Jane's amazement nothing out of the ordinary happens, the tree unfolds as it should ) Oh come on, that's it? No mayhem, no chaos? I brought my camera for nothing?

Trent: Hey man, I think there's something moving in this tree.

Nick: What are you talking about, I don't see anything. (Leans in real close to the tree to get a look. After a long moment there is a rustle from within the interior of the tree and a squirrel comes leaping out of the branches and clings to Nicks sweater as her dances about while trying to swat at his back) Ah.....get it off me. Get it off me, man. (Knocks over an end table)

Max: (Grabs one of the cushions form the couch and tries to beat the squirrel off of Nick but is instead beating Nick up by accident) Hold still, I've got him. (Swings and hits Nick in the head.) Sorry , that was my fault.

Daria: (watching the chaos unfold in the living room) You wanted pictures Jane, so start shooting because it doesn't get any better than this.

Jane Lane: Ah, the memories. (Holds up her camera and begins to snap off pictures as Trent, Max, and Nick continue about their antics)

Daria: Are you kidding? If you think THIS is good, wait until they try to put the decorations on.

Jane Lane: Hmm.....I'm thinking I'm going to need more film.

Daria: I'm thinking we need to go into the kitchen before that rodent decides he's through fooling around with these guys and things REALLY start to get interesting.

Jane Lane: I'm thinking I agree with you. Let's go and see what you've got in the fridge.

Daria: Yea, believe it or not we actually put food in ours. (The two of them head into the kitchen to find Jane Amy and William in there munching on some cheesecake)

Amy: Hey mom, is dad done with the tree yet?

Daria: No, your father has run into a bit of a rodent problem.

Amy: Meaning what?

Jane Lane: Meaning that he's getting his butt kicked by a squirrel at this very moment.

Jane: (Gets up from the table and grabs Jane Lane's camera) And we're missing it!!! (The kids run into the living room to watch the action)

Jane Lane: My, my, ....they were in such a hurry they left all this cheesecake out in the open. What SHALL we do with it.

Daria: (Sits down at the table) If you even need to ask then you're not going to get any because it will all be gone by that time.

Jane Lane: (sits at the table across from Daria) Who could argue with logic like that. (The commotion from the others can still be heard from the living room)

Trent: Max, it's on your back!

Nick: I've got it!! (A loud crash is heard)

Jane Lane: (cringes at the sound of the crash) Oh....that sounded expensive.

Daria: (takes a bite of the cheesecake) It probably was.

Jane Lane: And you're in no hurry to go investigate?

Daria: Nobody is screaming bloody murder and there aren't any bodily fluids oozing past us on the floor so I'm sure it can wait. Whatever Trent broke, he'll make up for it.

Jane Lane: Um...okay. I was almost hoping for a little more detail there but I guess that will do. (Jane comes walking into the kitchen)

Jane: They got it.

Daria: They killed it, or it escaped out the door when they weren't looking?

Jane: Oh no, it's dead all right. In a wild frenzy to get the squirrel off his back Max tossed the thing through one of the living room windows and it was impaled on a shard of glass as it did so. You should come see it, the little sucker is all gross and stuff.

Daria: (whimpers) No one else cut themselves did they?

Jane: No we're all cool. The squirrel only went through the interior window, the storm window is still intact.

Jane Lane: It's a miracle

Daria: Well, at least the heating bill won't suffer any.

Jane: (laughs) True, but what do we do with the squirrel in the mean time?

Jane Lane: Anybody for squirrel soup? (She is met by looks of utter disgust as Jane Lane and Daria get up from the table and head into the living room to survey the damage.)

(Cut to later that night in Daria and Trent's room)

(Daria lies on her side as Trent climbs into bed and turns off the light)

Daria: (without turning to face him) Trent??

Trent: (Opens his eyes) (V.O) Nope, sleep will have to wait tonight. (Out loud) Yea?

Daria: Have you ever wondered if our kids are just a little TOO much like we used to be?

Trent: (sighs) Not really, ...I mean granted they do take a lot after us. But they are still their own individual selves in their own right.

Daria: (turns to face him) How so?

Trent: Um....well in some respects they've excelled in ways we didn't. They were given the opportunity to skip three grades and they're likely to be in college before anyone else their age.

Daria: You had to point THAT one out didn't you? Now I feel old.

Trent: (Draws her close) Oh come on, Daria. You should be proud, not everybody can say they've raised twin geniuses and still retained their sanity.

Daria: (chuckles) It hasn't been easy has it? But you should be taking most of the credit, I was away a lot of the time.

Trent: Hey, that wasn't your fault. You did the best you could and they STILL came out okay.

Daria: Despite your cooking.

Trent: Hey, no need for low blows there, Daria.

Daria: (smirks) Sorry, couldn't resist. (Sighs) I just hope they can relate to use when we start to go the way of our parents.

Trent: I don't think that will ever happen, for one thing our kids can already relate to us. Neither your parents nor mine could ever say that.

Daria: (smiles) Trent, how is it that you always seem to know just the right thing to say to make me feel better?

Trent: Hey, writing song lyrics for all those years was good practice I guess.

Daria: Yea, who would have thought all those nonsense lyrics could have taught a man how to say the right things at the right time.

Trent: (chuckles) You seem to have a lot of energy to talk tonight.

Daria: Must have been the cheesecake I ate out from under the kids earlier.

Trent: (laughs) Is that what they were bitching about? All I could make out was something about turning their backs for a minute.

Daria: Hey, I can still be sneaky if I want to be.

Trent: So how do you propose to drain that excess energy of yours?

Daria: (Leans over and gives Trent a kiss) I have a few ideas that come to mind.

Trent: Really? Do tell.

Daria: (climbs over, kneels over him, then kisses him again) If your lucky,.. maybe in detail.

(Cut to Jane and Amy's room at about the same time)

(Jane comes walking quietly back into the room after spying on her parents)

Amy: Are they doing what it sounds like?

Jane: Yea, but you have to give them credit. They are trying to be quiet about it.

Amy: I suppose, and it has been a while since we've had to endure those sounds. I guess we could spare them the cold water, maybe we'll get them the next time.

Jane: (chuckles) You say that every time, Amy. I've yet to ever see you follow through with it.

Amy: Hey, I can't run as fast as I'll need to yet. Dad will get winded pretty quick, but mom on the other hand made it a point to stay in shape after boot camp. She can almost keep up with Aunt Jane the last time I checked.

Jane: (laughs) Run Amy, ....RUN!!

Amy: I guess we'll have to grin and bear it for the mean time. Commence duck and cover procedures. (They both turn on their stomach's in bed and place their pillows over their heads to provide the necessary quiet to drop off to sleep)

(Cut to the next morning. Daria Trent and Jane Lane have left the house early to finish up an last minute errands. As soon as they had all left the driveway Amy and Jane are quick to call William up and tell him to come over. Approximately half an hour later William shows up and they all head into the garage to try and coordinate themselves as best as they can)

William: (As they finish their first couple of tries) Amy, your starting to early on the downbeat. Wait until about three seconds after Jane finishes the third chord.

Amy: Well if Jane didn't pause at the onset of each chord it wouldn't be a problem.

Jane: Hey, I can't help it. I get nervous sometimes when I'm worried about getting something right.

William: That's understandable, .....considering how little actual practice we've had on this one song. I've also noticed that your pretty rusty before you warm up, ...which tends to take a while. But once you get there you can play like there's no tomorrow.

Jane: I'm doing the best that I can.

Amy: (chimes in) Just don't go away, we still need you. (They all laugh)

Jane: Is there anyway we can turn this thing into a set of songs that we already know saving our own song for last when I'm properly warmed up?

Amy: (looks at William) That's not such a bad idea.

William: Do you want to give that a try now? We can start with something simple and maybe it'll help you to get the chords right?

Jane: It'll have to, Christmas is tomorrow for god's sake. The last thing I need on my conscience is the fact that everyone is mad at me for boning a Christmas gift.

Amy: You're not going to bone anything, ....like William said before. IF you think you're going to screw up then just ad lib and we'll do what we can.

William: So, ....what do we start with then?

Jane: (smirks) Knocking on Heaven's Door? A little classic G&R never hurts.

Amy: Hmm, ...I don't know. Seems a little TOO slow if you ask me.

William: Well in Jane's defense, we're not exactly Manheim steamroller orchestra here, and this IS supposed to be a Christmas gift. We can't exactly start out with death metal. (Looks at Amy's face) Yes Amy, I KNOW you're a Metallica fan, you always bust a nut over those drum solo's.

Amy: I do not!! (William just starts laughing as Amy has nothing better to counter with)

Jane: Kryptonite!

William and Amy: What??

Jane: Three Doors Down, I love that song. I could play it in my sleep.

Willaim: (looks at Amy and they both shrug in unison) But can you SING it?

Jane: (sighs) Well, ....there's one way to find out. (Pulls out her guitar pick and prepares to play) On Three guys. (They start to play without a hitch and after that one they move on to more complicated songs working their way up as they go, debating over each song they play as to whether they should play it for their parents.)

(Fade to Christmas day after all had been said and done, The gifts had been exchanged, breakfast and lunch had been served and the entire family was now together as Jane and William to say nothing about Jake Morgendorffer had come over to spend the holidays together and to hopefully spend Christmas dinner together without having to call the fire department. )

Jake: So Trent, My man. Do you need any help in the kitchen this year?

Trent: Nah, I don't think so. Daria's said she wanted to take care of that this year, she said something about not liking the taste of carbon on the turkey. I wonder what she meant by THAT?

Jake: Oh you know how women are around the holidays, they want to make sure everything is perfect and that only they can make it that way.

Trent: That's a relief, I thought she was worried that I'd burn my eyebrows off again. Man, you burn the hair off your face just ONCE and they never let you live it down.

Jake: Yea, Helen was the same way. Of coarse I DID almost burn the house down. Buy hey, I'm only human. I make mistakes too you know, dammit! (Jane comes out of the kitchen with a glass of wine in hand)

Jane Lane: What the hell are you talking about now?

Trent: Oh hey, Janie. Nothing much, past mistakes and stuff.

Jane Lane: Sounds like it's going to be a long and involved conversation. Should I tell Daria that you'll be a few days late for dinner?

Jake: Oh come on now, we're not THAT bad. (Looks at Trent) Are we? (Trent just raises an eyebrow without answering)

(After a few minutes of silence Amy comes walking into the living room hoping to catch everyone's attention)

Amy: Hey dad, where's mom?

Trent: In the kitchen I think.

Amy: She wouldn't let you near the stove this year huh? Damn, I guess we'll just have to cancel the betting pool.

Jane Lane: You guys had a betting pool going? What kinds of odds was your father getting?

Amy: Better than grandpa

Jake: Hey!!

Jane Lane: (smirks and looks back to Amy) So what's up amiga? This is the first I've seen of you since I got here.

Amy: We've been working on some stuff in the garage, and we kind of wanted you all to hear it.

Jane Lane: Are we talking about a belated Christmas gift here?

Amy: Maybe, but for the most part we just wanted you guys to hear us play and let us know what you think.

Jane Lane: Sounds cool, you up for it Trent?

Trent: I could stand some tunes, Jake why don't you follow these guys and I'll go get Daria.

Jane Lane: Yea, if she'll even let you through the kitchen door. (Amy Laughs a little as Trent heads into the kitchen and the rest follow her to the garage. Several moments later Daria and Trent enter the garage to see that Jane, Amy, And William are all set up on Mystik Spiral's equipment.)

Trent: So THIS is why my strings have been wearing out so quickly.

Jane: It was all for a good cause, dad. You'll see.

Daria: So what have you got for us?

William: Mostly stuff you've heard, we just wanted to see what you thought of us.

Jane Lane: (whispers to Trent) I think you're worst fears are being realized, they've turned their own family into a band. They could probably call themselves "Sibling Rivalry" or something.

Trent: Mmm....It's got potential. Now I AM worried.

(Jane Takes position in front of the mic and after a few moments of stage fright she begins to play, but not what was expected by Amy and William. She starts off with "Running Down A Dream" by Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers. They both flash each other looks as if to say "What the hell is she doing?" But after the first set of chords they just decide to flow with it and pick up the beat. After that she starts up on the song she was originally supposed to start with which was "Kryptonite" by three Doors Down, and then go on with the play list as it was planned until finally they get to the end where they are supposed to play the song that they themselves came up with.)

Jane: (pauses as this is the moment where she really feels put on the spot) Uh.........well,.....this next one we've been working on ourselves for a good while now. And since we'd intended it as a Christmas gift for all of you, from the three of us, It's so dedicated.

Jake: Let it rip kiddo!! (Jane Lane, Trent, and Daria all give him a dirty look as if he were some strange nut ball and push him towards the back of the group) What did I do?

Jane: (nervously looks back at William and Amy, who mouth the words "Don't mind him, he's old" in encouragement. Jane then looks forward towards the adults Before reluctantly starting) (V.O) Ok, here goes nothing. (Out loud)

(slow almost rustic guitar chords) We're all just passing strangers.
Doesn't mean that much to those who rule our day.
You'd think that with all those around there's no left to care.

(Set of Chords starts over again)
We wait for them to come home
weeks and months could pass before we their face
But then the thought of hope is cast upon our souls
from the one who shows that memories are what's within

(Same chords but slightly upbeat)
And then we smile cause' we know that someday
You'll be home with us and the rest will be ok. (William starts in with the base one half beat behind)
And the time will burn, and the seasons pass, and we grow up as your watching
but the memories remain, like a ground in stain, and we almost feel like crying.

(Amy starts in on the drums as Both Jane and William begin an almost metal rhythm)
But now you see, that time can heal, and all can be alright
We'll take our chance, if only a chance, to see that things end up right
If nothing else, then just show that we're alright

Retirement can be a pill
When your not even over the hill
You're family can drive you nuts
As long as you try,... as long as you try

(William joins in as a chorus as Amy provides a rolling drumbeat)
Just live it up, and let it rip
Show your love in a friendly tip
Don't ever be afraid to crack the whip
Just remind us you care, ....as long as you care
for this we can only thank you
All we can do is love you
For peace of mind just love us back
Just as you've always done.

(The garage quiets as the song comes to a halt and no one speaks as Daria, Trent, Jane, and Jake all look at each other)

Jane: Um, ....Merry Christmas everybody. (There is still silence and then a few moments later everyone except Jake pulls out a lighter, ignites it and holds it up in the air)

Jane Lane: (turns to Daria) Well, it was original, you have to give them that.

Daria: Not bad for their first song, .....needs work but still not bad. (Meanwhile Jake is still searching through his pockets)

Jake: Hey, .....how come I don't have a lighter? Dammit, I'm always left out of these things.

(Jane, Amy, And William put down Mystik Spirals's instruments and approach their parents)

Jane and Amy: We hope you liked your gift everybody.

(Everyone just crowds around them and does a group hug)

Jane: Oh god save us, their reliving the sixties or something.

William: Most of them weren't alive in the sixties, well then the eighties then, all I know is somebody isn't wearing deodorant. (Amy Just bursts out laughing as the scene fades out)

The End........................................

Footnotes :

1. Reference to "The Last Journey Home" when Daria had to come home from over seas to attend Helen's funeral.

2. A reference to "The Last Journey Home" , during that story Daria and Jane reflected on how the Y2K bug caught up with every one with a vengeance by accidentally launching several missiles and causing a nuclear disaster and international conflicts that rage for years leading to the eventual drafting into the navy of Daria and Jane.

3. A reference to "Into the Depths Once again" Where Jane gives to Daria as a gift a book containing the history and nitty gritty on everyone Daria and Jane went to high school with that had been compiled by a friend of sorts that Jane has in the CIA.