New Neighbor

By Grace S.

Act One
Daria's bedroom. Early morning. Daria is alseep. Loud noises come from outside. Daria wakes up and puts on her glasses. She walks to the window and looks out.

Daria: What the..

[view of outside from window]  Large moving truck is seen parked in the neigbors driveway.

Daria: Great. New neigbors. More people to bother and irritate me. I'm going back to bed. (starts to close blind when a gray car drives up) Hmmm, well, I might as well see what they look like so I can avoid them.

[view from window] Two adults, most likely the parents, get out of the car. One is a tall man with short black hair, a blue shirt and black pants. The other is a short women with shoulder-length brownish-gray hair. She is wearing a white t-shirt and green dress pants.  The man walks to the back door and opened it. Two small girls get out, who appear to be twins. They both has chin-length light brown hair and blue eyes. One is wearing a black hat, a lime-green t-shirt with black stripes down the sides and blue track pants. The other is wearing an extremely short velvet, baby-blue dress and clogs. They both look around 11. Then a teenage boy comes out of the car. He is wearing a large blue t-shirt and blue sweat pants. He has sandy blonde hair and is considerably rumples looking.

Daria: Great, a snob, a sporty-spice wannabe and a slob. Now I'm going back to bed.

[window view] The parents start fighting with two movers.

Daria: Or I could stay up amnd listen to this. (opens window)

Woman: (to movers. Yelling.) What do you mean she wasn't in the truck?

Mover 1: Hey, lady, we're not baby-sitters. We just move the stuff.

Man: For all we know, she could still be at the airport!

Daria: hmm, airport. They must be from far away. Either that or they're rich. But why would rich people want to live here.

Mover 2: Look, may be she's in your trunk.

Woman: why would she be in the damn trunk?!

Girl in blue dress: Maybe we left her back at home.

Woman: Ashley! I'm sure I saw her on the plane. (looks worried)

Ashley; Sorry!

Girl in hat: well, it's either that or she in the back of the moving van.

Suddenly, the moving van opens up and from the back, where all the stuff is, a teenage girl emerges. She is wearing a large black t-shirt, large khakis and sunglasses. She has dark brown hair that is short and spiky and is wearing a silver pendant with an arrow engraved in it around her neck. She looks somewhat like her mother, only less neurotic and a lot calmer.

Girl: Wow, Al, you got it right. Now to get the grand prize, has anyone seen my discman?

Girl in hat: It's Alexandra, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: (looks like she's going to kill Alexandra) why, you little…

Guy in rumpled clothes: Calm down, Liz. Alexandra, don't call Liz that. She might bite you. (Liz glares at him)

(back in Daria's room)

Daria: Interesting family.

(back outside)

Woman: Elizabeth, why were you back there?

Liz: (scowls) I was waiting to see how long it would take you to notice. (checks watch) Wow, Mom, it took you 2 hours since we left the airport.

Mom: You shouldn't be back there, a box could've fallen on you!

Liz: (calm again) And a the car could have crashed. It's a dangerous worl, mother dear. At least I got to sit on a couch. (tries to walk to house, but the man [her father] stops her)

Father: Elizabeth Scott, do not talk to your mother like that!

Liz: (still calm, but small scowl appears on her face) What's going to happen, you'll ground me? Might as well, I never leave my room anyway. (brushes past  and heads for house) Why'd we leave, Levonelm, anyway? So far I can't even tell the difference! (goes nto house and slams door behind her)

(back in daria's room)

Daria; Wow, they make my family look like the Brady Bunch. (pause) To some extent.

Voice OS: Hey, you!

Daria: (looks up, sees Liz in the window next door) Um..

Liz: Who are you?

Daria: eep! (closes window and closes blind quickly. Sits down) did I just say "eep"?

Act Two
The hall
Jane and Daria are walking down the hall.

Daria:, for some strange reason, I did what Brittany would have done.

Jane: You exclaimed "eep!" and ran for cover.

Daria: Pretty much.

Jane: So, do you think your new neighbor will be going to good `ol LH?

Daria: Hard to say, I have no idea what age she is. Looks about the size of an eighth grader but ig grades went by size, I'd still be in middle school. So who knows?

Jane: (notices something) I believe I know.

Daria looks where Jane was looking and Liz being followed down the hall by Upchuck. Liz appears to be trying to ignore Upchuck, but her usually calm face is growing angry.

Upchuck: Come one toots, just talk to me.

Liz: (turns around) get away from me you sick little freak!

Jane: (to daria) Wonderful way with words she has.

Upchuck: (not discouraged) Rrrrowr, feisty!

Liz: (kicks him in the shin and walks off) Call me that one more time and it won't be your shin I'm kickin'!

Jane; Wow. I've been dying to do that since the first time Upchuck dizcovered the word feisty.

Daria: We all have. (looks offscreen) And here comes the reason why we haven't.

Ms. Li appears on screen.

Ms. Li: What's the big commotion down here? (no one answers, but they all point down the hall) Ah, it's that Liz girl isn't it? I should've known she'd be trouble when she wore those sunglasses to school. (goes off after Liz)

Daria: (to Jane) Yeah, everyone knows sunglasses are evil.

Jane: Especially the heart-shaped ones.

Act Three
Mr. DeMartino's class.
Daria and Jane are seated in the third row.

Ms. Li enters, dragging Liz by the arm.

Ms. Li: I hope you don't mind us interrupting your class, Mr. DeMartino, but we have a new student today. Let's all welcome Elizabeth (Liz scowls) Scott. (thruts Liz into the class and leaves. )

Liz takes an empty seat in the front row. Everyone stares at her bu she pretends not to notice.

Mr. DeMartino: Ms. Scott, would you kindly remove your sunglasses sine ther is no sun in here!

Liz: (calmly)  No, these are prescription sunglasses. My regular ones are broken.

Mr. DeMartino: oh. Well, Ms Scott, could you please tell the class what started World War I?

Liz: (still calm) No.

Mr. DeMartino: And why not Ms. Scott.

Liz: (calm but scowling) Perhaps the fact that I don't know the answer could be an excuse.

Mr. DeMartino: Why do you not know the answer?

Liz: (growing angry) Because my old school did not teach us about it.

Mr. DeMartino: Or prehaps you did not listen, Ms Scott.

Daria sees Liz is about to blow up, so she steps in.

Daria: Britain and Germany both had signed treaties with several other countries and when two of those countries clashed, Britain and Germany stepped in. Plus, the fact that the two countries were having an arms race didn't help matters. *

Mr. DeMartino: (truns to Daria) What?

Daria: That's the answer to your question, I believe.

Mr. DeMaritino: Thank you, Ms. Morgendorffer for your answer.

Liz turns around the face Daria and gives a small smile. Daria tries to hide behind her textbook so Liz doesn't recognize her. Liz sighs and truns back around.

Act Four
In the hall, after Mr. DeMaritino's class
Liz approachs Daria and Jane

Liz: Well, if it isn't the eep girl.

Jane: No, I believe that's the eep girl (points at Brittany)

Daria: I'm just the coward girl.

Liz: (sarcastic) Oh yeah, anyone who speaks to that history teacher without permission has to be a coward. (sincere)By the way, thanks for answering that question. History isn't my best subject.

Daria: Well, it looked as if you were about to blow-up and somehow I doubt that would be that would be a good way to start your student-teacher with Mr. DeMartino.

Jane: Plus, he might've bitten your head off.

Liz: (rolls eyes and smirk) I probably would've yelled at him if you hadn't stepped in. I'm weird that way. I can tolerate almost anything, but if you do enough to make me mad, then I may kill you.

Daria: Remind me to stay on your good side.

Liz: I don't understand why Ms. Li had to start me off in that class.

Jane: Must be tradition.

Liz: huh?

Jane: Oh, when Daria moved here she started in that class too.

Daria: That's it Jane, make her feel sorry for me.

Liz: Don't worry. I feel sorry for very few people.

Jane: A wonderful trait, I might add.

Liz: I know, must explain my abundance of friends.

All look around at practically empty corridors.

Liz: Like I said.

Daria: Well, unless you want to repeat last periods scene, I suggest we tear ourselves away from our popularity and move on to our next class.

Liz: (looks at schedule) What room is Ms. Barch in?

Daria and Jane smirk at each other.

Jane: We'll show you. Judging by your interaction with Upchuck earlier, I think you'll like this class.

Act Five
After school
Daria's house
Daria, Jane and Liz are watching TV in the livingroom.
Jake enters

Jake: Hi, kiddo, Jane, and Quinn. Did you do something different with your hair? Get new sunglasses?

Daria: That's not Quinn, Dad.

Jake: Oh, well...hey, who are you?

Liz: Li Scott, I just moved in next door.

Jake: (ignoring her) Daria, did you get a new friend? That's winderful! (now paying attention to Liz) Can I get you something to drink?

Liz: How `bout a beer?

Jake: What?

Liz: Got any Coke?

Daria: I'll have a coke too.

Jane: Me too.

Jake: Sure! (leaves)

Darua: I don't know what reminded me, but how did you break your glasses?

Liz: Who broke what now?

Daria: You know, when Mr. DeMartino asked you to take off your sunglasses you said they were prescription and you broke your regular glasses.

Liz: Oh, that. I just made that up becuase I like sunglasses better. That way I can fall alseep in class wihtout the teacher knowing. But I didn't make the whole thing up, they are prescription.

Jane: well, in that case you're not going to hell.

Liz: Damn.

Jane: (looks at watch) Oh, Daria, we have to go over to my house.

Daria: There's a bathroom upstairs, you know.

Jane: I know that. But remember, we have to go to Trent's gig tonight.

Daria: Is it that late already? How time flies when you're doing nothing.

Liz: Who's Trent?

Daria: Jane's brother.

Jane: And Daria's cr- (Daria clamps her hand over Jane's mouth)

Daria: Shut up Jane, or I'll shut up you up. I know how to remove vocal cords.

Jane: (Daria's hand is removed) crush.

Daria: That's it, I'm getting my scalpel.

Liz: (looking slightly amused) Well, well, well, Miss Daria, is what this girl says true?

Daria: Oh shut up, all of you, just shut up.

Jane and Liz: When Hell freezes over.

Daria: (raises an eyebrow) That sounded so rehearsed, it's not even funny.

Jane and Liz: Damn.

Jane: hey, Liz, why don't you come with us. It's quite entertaining watching Daria's face go all red.

Daria: yes, help us wallow in my humiliation.

Liz: Well, how can I say no to that?

They all leave, just before Jake's enters.

Jake: (holding drinks) Girls, I got your... (pauses, and looks around at the emtpy room) Hmm, funny, I could've sworn they were right here.

Act Six
Jane's house.
Daria, Jane and Liz enter.
Trent and Jesse are sleeping.

Daria: (sarcastic) Well there's something you don't see everyday.

Jane: Unless the day ends in y.

Liz: What interesting people you have in Lawndale.

Daria: Well, we think so.

Jane: (yelling) Trent! Jesse! Wake up!

Trent and Jesse don't move

Daria: That worked well.

Liz: Well aren't they go-getters.

Jane: Let's try this (yelling) Free food!

Trent and Jesse sit up immediatly

Jesse: Did I hear someone say free food?

Jane: Would you be up otherwise?

Daria: Um, aren’t you guys late for something?

Jane: Something you promised to take us to?

Trent: (sees clock) Oh man, we're going to be late for the gig! Janey, why didn't you wake us up? (Trent and Jesse go upstairs)

Jane: (flops on couch) That's it, I'm not trying next time.

Daria: I'd have thought you'd learned that lesson by now.

Liz: Do I hear a car starting?

all three look at each other.

All: They forgot us.

They race upstairs.

Act Seven
The Tank
Trent and Jesse are in the front, Jane, Daria and Liz are sitting in the back.
The Tank is going dangerously fast.

Jesse; hurry, we were supposed to pick up Nick and Max ten minutes ago.

Jane: (to Daria and Liz) Ten bucks says Nick and Max aren't awake.

Daria: (sarcastic) Well, that's a fair bet.

Trent: (Looking in mirror) One, two, three, four, five...... one, two, three, four,, two

Jane: making sure you don't forget your numbers?

Trent: There are five people in this car.

Daria:(thought VO) Very good, now what colour is the van?

Trent: (continuing) But there's usually only four.

Jane: Oh, yeah. We have a tag-along. Liz, Trent. Trent, Liz.

Trent: Oh, hey.

Liz: Hi, Hope you don't mind me tagging along.

Trent: Nah, anyone who wants to come to one of our gigs can come.

Liz: (doesn't quite get it) um, o…k…

Jane: ( to Liz) You’ll understand soon.

Liz: I’m not sure I want to.

Daria: Then you shouldn’t have come.

Jesse: You missed the turn.

Trent: Damn.

Jane: One, two three, four, five. Five missed turns.

Liz: Well why don’t we just change Lane to Count?

Daria: Cause then it won’t rhyme.

Jane: Damn straight.

Act Eight
The Next Morning
Gym class
Daria and Jane are in their gym uniforms and sitting on the bleachers. Liz is wearing her old school’s gym uniform which is red and white and has a large O on it. She is lying down on the bleachers.

A lough OW! Is heard from offscreen.

Jane: I’ll never get tired of watching Kevin try to lift those dumbells.

Daria: Just wait til Ms. Morris gives him the heavy ones.

Liz: (not listening) From this angle the cracks on the ceiling sort of look like a skull.

Daria: School spirit’s coming alive.

Jane: (looking offscreen) Suddenly, I feel a chill.

Ms. Morris comes onscreen.

Ms Morris: Why aren’t you girls participating.

Daria: Brain cramps.

Jane: The leprachuan told me not to.

Liz: Can’t do gym when you’re lying down

Ms. Morris: (to Liz) And why are you wearing that uniform?

Liz: Because I don’t want to do gym naked.

Ms. Morris: You should be wearing the Lawndale High uniform.

Liz: I ordered it, it hasn’t come in yet.

Ms. Morris: That reminds me, it came in this morning. I’ll go get it and you can change. (leaves)

Liz: What does it matter what damn uniform I get out of gym in?

Jane: I think that school spirit just died.

Daria: Again.

Liz: Rat poisoning must have worked.

Ms. Morris comes onscreen and hands Liz some blue and yellow clothes.

Ms Morris: here’s your new uniform, put it on. (leaves)

Liz unfolds the t-shirt, stands up and holds it up to her self. It goes down to her knees.

Liz: Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten an extra large.

Later, Liz has changed ( her uniform looks huge on her) and she, Daria and Jane are standing in the middle of the staring cluelessly at some dumbells.

Daria: Wow, I feel the burn.

Jane: I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.

Liz: I think my shorts may fall of at any time.

Daria: That’s more than I needed to know.

Ms Morris walks up.

Ms Morris: If you girls won’t lift weights, you can participate in the race over ther (points to a race being set up)

The three girls each have a different look: Releif (Jane), Slight Annoyance (Daria) and Dread (Liz). They walk over to the track just as the race is about to start. They line up. The race starts. Jane immediately takes the lead. Daria immediately takes the end while Liz is somewhere in the middle. Suddenly, Liz trips, sending herself and everyone behind her, including Daria to the ground. Jane jogs back and helps them both up.

Liz: I knew I should have tied my shoe.

Laughs are heard offscreen. Shot of Kevin laughing his head off and pointing at Liz. Cut back to Liz, who has an angry look on her face. She marchs offscreen towards Kevin.

Kevin OS: (thumps are heard) Ow. Ow! OW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Daria and Jane cringe.

Cut to Ms Li’s office. Liz and Kevin are sitting in chairs in front of Ms. Li. Kevin has a black eye, a fat lip, and several bruises. Liz appears untouched and has a somewhat triumphant look on her face.

Ms. Li: Fighting on school property! In the school, no less! What do you two have to say for yourselves.

Liz: (Thought VO: I’m glad I bought that punching bag a couple years back) Um, I’ll never do it again?

Ms. Li: Of course you won’t! Miss Scott, you are off to a very bad start here at Lawndale High and- (is interupted by the door knocking) Come in!

Ms. Barch enters.

Ms.Li: Oh, it’s you. Just have a seat while I finish with these two hooligans.

Ms. Barch takes a seat in the corner of the office. She looks Liz and Kevin over and looks slightly smug at Kevin’s condition. Suddenly, Liz gets an idea.

Liz: (loud) I’m sorry, Ms. Li, but Kevin started it!

Kevin: Huh?

Liz: He laughed at me and while I merely trying to teach himnot to laugh at people, he started to fight with me! Luckily, I know self-defense.

Ms. Li: That is no excus-(Ms. Barch interupts her)

Ms. Barch: Ms. Li, I demand you punish this, this MAN!

Kevin: What?

Ms. Barch: Be quiet, Kevin. I insist you let this young girl go, or I will quit2

Ms. Li: I can find another teacher to fill your place!

Ms. Barch: But I know things about this school. Things you don’t want to media to find out about.

Ms. Li gets a panicked look on her face a pulls Ms. Barch into the hallway. Shouts and faint words are made out from the hall, such as “sue”, “experiemnts”, “fifty dollars”,“toxic” and “male pig” are heard. Finally, Ms. Li and Ms. Barch come back into the office.

Ms. Li: After much careful deliberation, I have decided that Liz was right to defend herself and that Kevin has one weel’s worth of detention.

Kevin: Ah, man.

Act Nine
Dari, Jane and Liz are walking home from school. For some reason, Liz is walking backwards.

Daria: So you used Ms. Barchs’ hatred of men to your advantage.

Jane: And to Kevin’s disadvantage. We’re gonna get along just fine.

Daria: By the way, why are you walking backwards?

Liz: I want to see what walking home would look like if I had eyes on the back of my head.

Daria: Well, that’s certainly a reasonable excuse.

Jane: Um, Liz your sholace is unti-

Liz trips and falls on her butt.

Liz: I probably should have tied my shoe after the race.

“I’ll Be There For You” (the Friends theme) plays as the credits and alter-egos rolls. The alter-egos go as follows:
Daria dressed up like Anne of Green Gables
Jane in a Cat costume (like from that play, Cats)
Liz as a witch
Alexandra and Ashley (Liz’s twin sisters) as the Olsen twins
Trent as a scarecrow
Jesse as Einstein
Kevin as a wrestler
Ms. Li in a kimono
Ms. Barch as a protestor
Mr. DeMartino as a prisoner with a striped uniform and handcuffs on

* (That's the explanation my mother gave me, so if it's not right it's not my fault)