by Tazzie

(Episode 6 of season 1:
The "Not Another New Kid Series!" Series)

(Scene: Lawndale Street, early in the morning. Jane is running at a slow jog. Just now, a person runs past Jane with a big burst of speed. Jane quirks an eyebrow and speeds up to her usually fast pace. She catches up with the phantom runner and looks at him.)

Jane: Drew?!

Drew(looking to the side): I thought that was you back there, Jane. What's up?

Jane: Not much. I didn't know you could run.

Drew: Neither did I. After the night of the catapult, I started running alot. First of all, now I'll be able to outrun dogs. Second of all, I don't like being called an amateur.

Jane: I guess I'll have to withdraw THAT statement, then. (beat) Well, now I have someone to run with.

Drew(grins): If you can keep up. (Jane grins in a competitive way)

(Scene: LHS Corridor. Music: Korn - Falling Away From Me~Daria and Mel's lockers. Daria and Mel are talking. Drew comes into view and nearly walks past Mel and Daria.)

Mel: Fine. Don't say "hi."

Drew(slowing to a stop): Sorry. Hullo, Daria. Hullo, Mel.

Daria(blush): Hey.

Mel: What's your rush anyway?

Drew: Trying to get to Barch's room early. Maybe get on her good side. (Mel snickers) Shut up.

Daria: Yeah, well, good luck with that.

Drew: Thanks. (beat) I'll see you in Science, Mel. Bye, Daria. (starts to walk ofF)

Daria(major blush; mumble): Cya.

Mel(noticing): What was that abou- (epiphany; sputtering) Drew? You? Like?

Daria(unconvincing): No. Why would I?

Mel: No, really. Do you? I won't tell him.

Daria(mutter): Maybe..

Mel: I've got to get you two together.

Daria: NO! Not another yenta! (walks off)

Mel(raising an eyebrow; Thought V.O.): What was THAT about? (walks off towards Barch's room.)

(Kevin, Mack, and the rest of the football team walk into shot.)

Kevin: So, then I said, "Hey Babe, you know I'd never cheat on you!" and she was lik- Hey Mack Daddy, you listening?

Mack: I SWEAR that if you call me "Mack Daddy" ONE MORE TIME I will beat the living hell out of you.

Kevin: Hey, chill bro. I gotcha. (Mack still looks irritated.)

(Scene: LHS Cafeteria. Daria, Mel, Drew, and Jane share their usual table. Music plays on.)

Jane: So I was thinking, maybe we could go to the Zen so that Drew and Mel could see Mystik Spiral this weekend. And Daria could see-

Daria: Do the words "slow, painful death" mean anything to you, Lane?

Jane: Hmm... (beat) Nope.

Drew: Um.. K. (beat) Mystik who?

Jane: Spiral. My brother's band. I fugured you guys could go see how badly they suck, we could go pick up some pizza, then crash at my place. What do you guys think? We could make a weekend out of it.

Mel(wheels start turning; Thought V.O.) Hmmm.. That should be enough time to get Daria 'n Drew together. (O.L.) Sounds good. What do YOU think Daria?

Daria(knows what she's thinking): I cannot take this much longer... (leaves)

Drew: ...huh?

Jane & Mel(unison): Nevermind. (They look at eachother.)

(Pan to the football team's table.)

Kevin: Anyone have any extra ketchup? These chicken nuggets are dry.(beat) Hey, Mack Daddy, can I have-

(Kevin's face meets Mack's fist. Mack stands up and punches Kevin again, hard, in the jaw. Kevin falls backward and bangs his head on the wall. Out he goes... Everyone in the cafeteria is gaping at a red-faced Mack. Mack storms out of the cafeteria and Jodie follows him. Brittany runs over to Kevin.)

Brittany: Babe? Oh no! I think he's DEAD!

(Pan over to Mel, Drew, and Jane. Jane is gaping, as is Mel. Drew is laughing.)

Jane: Do you ALWAYS find acts of violence funny, Drew?

Drew: Yeah, basically. You know, unless the person is dead or something.

Mel: I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Drew: You have SERIOUS pshychological problems.

Drew: Yep. That about covers it. (grins)

(Pan back to the football team gathered around Kevin. They're all yelling his name. Finally, he comes to.)

Kevin(closed jaw; pained): Merffh! (beat) Mrpphhhh!

Brittany: Omigod, omigod! He's POSSESSED!!!

(Scene: LHS Corridor. Music plays on. Jodie finally catches up with Mack.)

Jodie(yelling): Mack! (runs up to him and grabs his arm) Mack, what the hell were you doing? What the hell were you THINKING!?

Mack: Jodie. I warned him. I'm sick of him, I'm sick of being called "Mack Daddy." I'm also sick of- nevermind.

Jodie: What, Mack?

Mack(starts walking away again): Nothing! (Jodie grabs his arm again.)

Jodie: What else are you sick of? You can tell me.

Mack: I'm sick of never being able to spend time with my girlfriend because of her stupid activities! (takes his arm from Jodie and storms off)

Jodie(quietly): Oh, Mack...

(Scene: LHS Cafeteria. Again. Music continues. Everyone's still gathered around Kevin. Jeffy prods Kevin's face.)

Kevin: Mrrphhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


Jeffy: Not possessed... He has a broken jaw.

Brittany: Oh. (beat) I mean, my poor Kevvie.

(Pan back to Mel, Drew, and Jane.)

Jane: It's too bad, too.

Drew: What is?

Mel & Jane(unison): Daria would've loved to see this. (glance at each other.)

(Just now, a voice breaks over the PA.)

Voice: Michael Jordan MacKenzie! Come to the principal's office IMMEDIATELY!

(Kevin is being helped by some of his team members to the nurse's office.)

(Scene: Li's Office. Mack sits in front of her desk still looking irate.)

Li: Mr. MacKenzie.. What were you THINKING? This was going to be a promising season. Mr. Thompson will be out for THREE WEEKS! He has a concussion and a BROKEN JAW! That's long enough to ruin our WHOLE season!

Mack: I wasn't thinking, actually. (beat) I could be quarterback?

Li: We need you at your usual position. (sigh) I'll have to figure SOMETHING out. (beat) Get out of my sight.

(Scene: DeMartino's class. Drew, Daria, and Mel sit in a line across the front row, as usual.)

Mel: So right after you left the cafeteria, Mack pops Kevin RIGHT in the face.

Drew: It was definitely a Kodak moment.

Daria: I think you're a bad influence on people, Mel.

(Just now, Upchuck walks into the classroom. He spots Mel and he gets a skittish look on his face.)

Upchuck: Hello, Ms. Waters. You are looking quite lovely today. (walks past)

Mel: You were saying?

Daria: I retract my previous statement.

(Time elapses.. to the end of the class. Bell rings.)

DeMartino: Before you LEAVE, I would like you ALL to give Mr. MACKENZIE a HAND. Someone FINALLY gave Kevin a good SMACK. (Mel, Drew, and Daria applaud, Brittany pouts. Mack actually grins a little.)

(Scene: LHS parking lot. Mack and some other members of the football team are playing a little game of catch. Pan to the Ferarri. Brooke is already sitting in the car. Jane, Drew, and Daria are waiting for Mel.)

Drew: I think things are finally getting better in Ms. Barch's class. She only screamed at me once today.

Jane: It never gets better. Not for men, anyway.

(Pan to the football players. Jamie overthrows the ball and it's headed for the Ferrari.)

Mack(yells): Heads up!

(Pan back to the Ferarri. The ball comes within inches of smashing into Daria's head. A hand shoots into shot and grabs the ball just in time. Shot backs up to reveal the hand's owner: Drew. Mack runs over to the three.)

Mack: Nice catch, man. Hey, I'm sorry about that. (holds up hands in a gesture to take the ball back.)

(Drew ignores his gesture, and throws the ball back to Jamie with major strength. Jamie's eyes bug out. As he catches the ball, he falls over. From afar, you can see him rolling around on the ground.)

Drew: No problem, dude.

(But now Mack is looking back and forth from Drew to Jamie rolling around on the pavement with a wild look in his eye.)

Jane: I know where this is going... (beat)

Daria: Thanks, Drew.. That was close.

Drew(smile): No problem, Daria.

Jane: I know where this is going, too.

Daria: Shove it, Lane.

Mack: Hey, Drew.. Um, could you come with me for a second?

Drew(still not getting it): Uh. Sure. Where we going?

(Daria resists the urge to say "the field."[As in "Malled"] Drew follows Mack back into the building. Jane turns to Daria.)

Jane: You think we should make sure everything is kosher?

Daria: Yeah, probably. (turns to go into the building after Jane, then turns to Brooke.) Can you tell Mel to wait for us when she comes out?

Brooke: Mmmhmm. (Daria goes into the school)

(Scene: Li's office. Li is sitting behind her desk enjoying whiskey from her flask. There is a knock on the door. Ms. Li closes the flask and sits at attention.)

Li: Come in.

(Enter Mack and Drew, followed by Daria and Jane.)

Li: Wha-

Mack: I've got your new quarterback, Ms. Li.

Drew: What?!

Li: Mr. Gray? Do you have previous football experience?

Mack: Screw experience! He threw a football at Jamie White and had him writhing on the ground! He threw it LONG, too.

Li: Language.. Yes, he can throw, then. What about speed, though?

Jane: The boy can RUN.

Drew(grumble): Jane...

Li: Why are you here, Ms. Morgendorffer?

Daria: I'm making sure everything stays fair and voluntary. (Li grumbles)

Drew: What's in it for me?

Li: We could get you buys on all your major tests. Only for the three week period until Mr. Thompson comes back, that is.

Drew: Done.

Li: Now... (draws up a few papers; beat) sign here. (Drew does.)

(Li and Mack look pleased. Jane indifferent. Daria apalled.)

(Scene: Waters' place. Music: Machines of Loving Grace - Golgotha Tenement Blues~ Daria is lying in her "something eating at my soul" pose, Drew is tossing a football up in the air, Mel is watching T.V., and Jane is sketching and watching T.V. at the same time.)

T.V.: Teachers by day... Strippers by night! Scandalous disciplinarians NEXT on Sick Sad World!

Mel(muting T.V.): Ewww...

Jane: Can you picture Mr. O'Neill...

Drew: EWWWW...

Jane: Or Ms. Li..

Mel & Drew: EWWWW, Jane!

Jane: Heh, heh. Sorry.


Mel: So you're really going to do this football thing?

Drew: Sure. Whynot?

Mel: You're forgetting pee-wee football, aren't you? (Drew scowls)

[{FLASHBACK: A field with a bunch of little kids. We see a younger Drew wearing a red uniform running around the field with a football in his hands. A younger Mel is jumping up and down in the stands.

Random Teammate: Other way, Drew!

Young Drew: Huh?

All Teammates & Young Mel from stands: OTHER-

(A big fat kid wearing a blue uniform mauls young Drew. *>>CRUNCH<<*)

All(con't): -way..

(Back to PRESENT...)}]

Drew(wincing): That hurt, too.

Mel: My point exactly.

Jane: Like I said before, though: The boy can RUN.

Drew: Yeah, and the "buys" make the deal sweet. (Daria scowls; Mel notices)

Mel: What's wrong, Daria? You've been quiet all night. And you look like something's eating at your soul.

Daria(getting up; sourly): Nothing. I'm going to go. (walks to door; opens it) Cya.

Drew: Bye,-

(Door slams)

Drew(con't; quieter): -Daria.

Jane(sighs): Here we go again..

Mel & Drew(simultaneously): Huh?

Jane(sighs again): Nevermind. (beat) I guess our weekend plans are ruined for a few weeks.

Jane & Mel(Thought V.O. in unison): Damn.


LHS Football field. The team is practicing. Mack throws Drew the ball and Drew turns and runs toward the endzone... The wrong endzone. Mack shakes his head. Pan to bleachers where Mel shakes her head, too.

LHS Football field. Practice continues. Mack throws the ball to Drew again. This time he goes the right way, but is mauled by a fat guy, flashback esque. Pan to the bleachers and Mel's half smirk.

LHS Corridor. Drew is walking with Mel, Jane, and Daria who is still in scowl-mode. Drew looks ok except for a slight limp...

LHS Football field. Practice continues. Mack throws the ball to Drew. Again. This time Drew goes the right way AND dodges the fat guy, but is tackled hard from behind on the way to the endzone. Pan to the bleachers again where Mel and Jane shake their heads while grinning. Pan to Kevin in the bleachers also grinning... sort of.

LHS Corridor. Drew, Mel, Jane, and Daria, whose scowl is now replaced by worry, walking along. Well, Drew is acutally staggering, but anyway...

LHS Football field. Practice continues. Drew is now staggering a bit. Drew is facing the wrong way this time when Mack throws the ball. Mack throws the ball hard, and it smashes right into the side of Drew's helmet. Drew collapses. As he gets up, you see a clump of grass stuck in his fack mask. He's wavering a bit where he stands, and then falls over again. Pan to a dismayed and half-worried Mack, a gaping Mel, Jane, and Daria, and then a laughing Brittany and Kevin... sort of.

LHS Corridor. Mel and Daria are helping Drew along in the direction of the nurse's office. Jane and Mack are following behind the other three.

Waters' place. Drew is lying on his bed with icepacks on his face, legs, shoulders, and arms. He has various bruises and scratches.

Li's office. Mel and Daria are arguing with Ms. Li about something. Then she waves a piece of paper in front of their faces and says, "We have a deal. He signed." Daria and Mel scowl and stalk out. Li smirks evilly.

LHS Football field. Practice continues. Pan to Drew's determined face. Mack throws him the ball. This time, Drew catches it, dodges the myriad of people trying to tackle him, and makes it to the endzone. He slams down the ball and does a victory dance. Pan to the bleachers where Mel is jumping up and down, flashback esque, Jane is clapping, and Daria puts a fist in the air and says, monotoned, "Go. Team." Pan to bleachers again where Brittany and Kevin scowl. Pan to Mack who's grinning.

LHS Football field. Practice continues. Scenes over time of Drew making touchdown after touchdown, Mel jumping up and down, Jane clapping, Daria "Go. Team."ing, Kevin and Brittany scowling, and Mack's repetative ardent grin.


(Scene: LHS Corridor. Daria's locker. Music: Blink 182 - All The Small Things~ Daria is retrieving books and Drew walks up from behind her.)

Drew: Daria.

(Daria is obviously surprised, as she drops all the books she was holding. She sighs and turns around, seeing Drew. She blushes.)

Daria(picking up books): Hey, Drew.

Drew(helping): Sorry about that.

Daria: No, it's fine. (gets all books and stands up, as does Drew.)

Drew: Um.. Saturday is my first game. It's against Oakwood, LHS' rival and one of the toughest teams. It's important. And, well... (slight blush) I wouldn't mind if you were there.

Daria(thought V.O.) I've heard that before... (O.L.; beet red; smile) I.. I'll be there.

Drew(ecstatic): Yes! I mean, ah, good. Cool. Cya then!

(Drew walks off with a hop in his step; Daria watches him go with a smile. She drops her books again and sighs.)

(Scene: LHS Football field. Music plays on. Daria, Mel, Jane, and, surprisingly, Brooke sit in the front row of the bleachers.)

Daria: Go. team. go.

Mel: You realize the game hasn't started yet, right?

Jane: Bleh. What's the difference?

Mel: Good point.

(Upchuck starts annoucing over loudspeaker.)

Upchuck: I'd like to welcome you all to the third game of the season. The Lawndale Lions *rrowwl* vs. the Oakwood Wolves (I don't know if that's their name, but.. now it is.)! Will Lawndale's new quarterback Drew Gray bring us fame or failure?

Daria: And will Upchuck ever think of anything good to say?

Upchuck: And here comes Drew now! (Drew runs out onto the field... and trips; Upchuck sighs.)

(Scenes over time, as in practice, of Drew scoring touchdown, after touchdown, after touchdown. Scenes over time of Mel jumping up and down, flashback esque, Jane applauding, Daria "Go. Team. Go."ing, Brooke clapping, and Kevin scowling.)

Upchuck: It's been an amazing game, folks! The Lions have CRUSHED the Wolves. Rrrowwwl. 42 to 3. Let's hear it for the Lions and Drew Gray!

(Loud cheers and applause are heard all across the stadium. Kevin puts his head in his hands, knowing it's over. Daria is Mona Lisa smiling, and does one last "Go. Team. Go." Mel is jumping up and down. Jane and Brooke are applauding. Drew waves and trips on his way off the field. Again.)

(Scene: LHS Cafeteria. Music: 12 Stones - Crash~ Daria, Drew, Mel, and Jane sit at their usual table.)

Drew: Well... It's been three weeks. I guess I'm (slight frown) done.

Mel(pats Drew on the back): You proved me wrong. You did really well, Drew.

Jane: Yeah. Good job.

Daria(smiling): You were.. great.

Drew: Thanks, Daria.

(Jane and Mel get a "And what am I? Chop liver?" look. Just now an announcement breaks over the PA.)

P.A.: Andrew Gray. Please come to the principal's office.

Drew: I'll see you guys in DeMartino's. I have to go get fired, now. (leaves)

(Daria, Mel, and Jane look after him sadly.)

(Scene: Li's Office. Ms. Li is sitting at her desk waiting. Then a knock comes.)

Li: Come in, Mr. Gray. (Enter Drew.)

Drew: You wanted to fire- I mean, see me?

Li: Please, have a seat. (Drew sits.) Now.. Mr. Gray. It seems the Mr. Thompson is better and your three weeks are up- (Drew sighs, frowns slightly, and nods.) -however, watching you play compared to watching Mr. Thompson... Well, it was like wathching Favre play against a pee-wee football player(Drew slightly winces at this analogy). I think it would bring more glory to m- I mean (hushed voice) Lawndale High (reg. voice) if you stayed on as quarterback. You'd still get buys on tes-

Drew: Uhm, this is great and everything, and I do want to be the(grin) QB.. But I don't want the buys. It's not right.

Li: Very well... (beat) Dismissed. (Exit Drew.)

(Scene: LHS Cafeteria. Music plays on. Re-enter Drew. Drew walks over to the football players' table and gets right behind Kevin.)

Kevin: You're not on the team anymore. What are you doing here?

Drew: Guess what, Kevin.

(Pan to Mack's smirk. Then, pan to Daria, Mel, and Jane's confused looks.)

Kevin: What, dude?

Drew: I'M THE QB!

(Kevin gawks at Drew in confusion, anger, and amazement all mixed together. Pan to Daria's Mona Lisa smile.)

Daria(sticks fist in the air): Go. Team. Go.



All characters of Daria are property of MTV. I have absoluely no intention of stealing them, or harming them in any way... ;-P This fanfic was created solely for entertainment purposes. You can sue me if you want, but I wouldn't reccomend it... All I got is $11 and my pet bird... :)

Mel Waters and co. were created and are owned by Tanya "Tazzie" Littlefield. Copyright 2002. You steal my characters and I WILL hurt you. And then I'll call the lawyers.