Previously on The "Not Another New Kid Series!"...

{{{Mel(through clenched teeth): You EVER touch one of my friends, or my sister EVER again, and you die. Let this be a lesson to you, you little bitch. You want to play with the big dogs? Make sure you know who you're playing with next time.

(Having said this, Mel flings Sandi down the hall, maybe five feet.)


Ms. Li: I don't know where YOU come from, young lady, but at (hushed voice) Lawndale High (normal voice) we do not behave like this. I'm going to call your-

Mel(interrupting): Why don't you shut the hell up, Li.

(Knowing that she's gone to far, she clamps a hand over her mouth, and closes her eyes. "Shit, here it comes." Ms. Li's face turns brick red.)}}}

La, la, la, la, la. Daria and co. in...

Crime and Punishment
by Tazzie

(Episode 4 of season 1:
The "Not Another New Kid Series!" Series)

(Scene: Hallway by Sandi's locker. Music: Vast - Here~ Mel and Li are standing only inches apart. Mel opens her eyes and is met by a view of a Li deeper than any red. Mel knew she was gonna get it. But Ms. Li surprised her.)

Li: (grunt; hurried, forced calm) Ms. Waters (breath) I would like to see you in my office (deep breath) in five (louder and angrier) minutes! (She marches off)

(Drew, Daria, Jane, and Quinn are shocked. They'd been expecting worse than Mel had.)

Jane: That went surprisingly-

(A loud, extremely angry yell comes from Li's office)

Jane(con't; quieter): well?

Mel: I have the wierdest feeling that I'll be leaving that office with no head...

(Daria looks uneasily at Mel, Quinn is still in shock that anyone could actually tell the principal to 'shut the hell up', and Drew is supressing a snicker.)

Drew(through snickers): Let... the force.. be .. with you.

Mel(scowl): Shove it, Drew. (walks off)

Daria: What..?

Drew: Inside joke.

(Scene: Li's office. Music plays on. Mel is sitting in front of Li's desk with bated breath. Waiting for the explosion. But as before, she was surprised. Ms. Li's calm voice broke the silence.)

Li: I'd like to know why you threw Ms. Griffin down the hall.

Mel: Well I- Excuse me?

Li: I would like to know why you threw Ms. Griffin down the hall.

Mel: Why? Was it because she picked on my younger sister for doing ABSOLUTELY nothing? Nah, that's what the catapult was for. Lets try again. Was it 'cause she was pushing my friend around? Yeah! That's the one!

Ms Li(yelling): Don't take that tone with me! (deep breath; beat; calmer) Suspended. For a week. (beat) Get out.

Mel: A week? You can't do any better than THAT? Hah. What an AMATEUR!

(Ms. Li gets that look where her eyes are all narrow (Like in Fizz Ed when the guy tells her they're under their soda Quota.) and turns red again. Mel realizes she's just screwed up big time. Again.)

Mel(Thought V.O): When will I learn to keep my big mouth SHUT?

(Scene: LHS Lunchroom. Music plays on. Drew, Jane, Daria, and, oddly enough, Brooke sit at a table. Mel is nowhere in sight.)

Daria: I wonder where she is.

Drew(still in an amused tone): She's probably watching T.V. at home. I'll bet you twenty bucks.

Jane: I'll take that bet. (shakes Drew's hand)

Brooke(quietly): I feel really bad. I've been a bitch to her for about two weeks. I should've known she'd do something like this.

Drew: Aw, Brooke. Don't worry, she lives for this kind of thing...

(Just now, Mel comes into the lunchroom wearing janitor's gear. She's pushing a big bucket-type thing, containing clean trashcans and clean lunch trays. Everyone in the lunchroom breaks into spurts of laughter, except for Jane, Brooke, Daria, and the whole of the Fashion Club. Drew is in stiches. Mel stops pushing the thing for a second.)

Mel(yelling): Attention, you ignorant morons! I would like to inform you that anyone who makes any "smart" cracks about this "ensemble," or laughs, will be masacred. I AM taking names. And you WILL get yours. May I demonstrate?

(Mel walks over to Drew and kicks him in the balls.)

Mel(con't): You have been warned. Please return to the the lumps on your plate that you refer to as "food."

(Everyone in the cafeteria has shocked looks, and goes back to their food quietly.)

Drew(pained): FUCK Mel!

Mel: I'm goddamn pissed. Don't. Mess. With. Me.

Brooke(quietly): What happened in Li's office?

Mel: Well, sister dear... At first, she gave me a weeks suspension. I just HAD to tell her that she was an amateur at punishment... Now, here I am, on janitor's duty for a week during our lunch period so she can embarass the hell out of me.

Brooke: Oh.

Mel: And to make matters worse, the two people I got punished for have the audacity to not mouth a single word of gratitude. (stomps off)

Brooke: Damnit! (leaves; Daria gets a weird look.)

Daria(Thought V.O.): I know how to thank you... But the question is: Do I thank you now, or later?

Jane: I have a feeling this is going to get worse before it gets better... (beat) Where's my twenty?

(Drew scowls and forks it over. Daria is still staring off after Mel and Brooke thoughtfully.)

(Scene: Cafeteria. Still. Music plays on. Fashion Club's table. Sandi, Tiffany, and Stacy have all cleaned up, and only a few lone specs of paint can be seen.)

Sandi: We'll get OURS? I'm glad she got hers.

Quinn: Well you can't blame her for getting revenge on you Sandi. You deserved it.

Sandi: GEE Quinn. I can't help but think that you were in on that catapelt thingie, the way you were smiling when we got drenched, and all.

Stacy: Well, Sandi, maybe Quinn's ri-

Sandi: Are you suggesting, Stacy, that what happened to us was somehow, possibly JUSTIFIED?

Stacy: Of course not, Sandi! Sorry.

Quinn: Whatever. (gets up) And by the way, Sandi, it's "cataPULT." (leaves)

(Sandi has a heated, annoyed look on her face.)


LHS Corridor. Mel is wearing regular clothes. For now. She's walking to one of her classes when Kevin walks by and makes, what Mel would refer to as, a smart remark about her janitor gig. Something to the effect of, "That janitor's outfit turns me on." Mel smashes him in the jaw with her fist.

Daria's locker. Brittany runs up to Jane, Drew, and Daria with Kevin on her arm. From the looks of it, she's yelling at them. Then, after having berated them for close to a minute, Brittany stalks off with Kevin in tow, angrily. The trio look stunned.

LHS Cafeteria. Mel is fitted up her gear. She's standing by the trashcans, changing one of the bags. Just then, Li walks up and throws some creamy-ish food into the trashcan. The stuff spatters all over Mel. She looks more wary than angry. Ms. Li chuckles to herself and leaves. Sandi is laughing and pointing at Mel, and Mel picks up what looks like a lump of chicken and flings it at Sandi, which shuts her up.

Waters' place. Mel's room. Mel is studying, with an annoyed look that seems permenantly attached to her face. The door opens and Brooke and Drew walk in. They say something that obviously irritates her further, and Mel throws a hardcover book their way. They easily dodge the book. Brooke shakes her head as she and Drew leave.

LHS Corridor. Mel is obviously on her way to her janitor's duty, as she's in her janitor's uniform. Upchuck approaches Mel and slaps her on the ass. Mel turns around with super-human speed and picks him up, Sandi esque. She says some... angry words and flings him, also Sandi esque. She walks off towards the cafeteria.


(Scene: Daria's locker. Drew and Daria are talking(a.k.a. flirting) when Jane runs into shot.)

Jane: You guys will NOT believe what I just heard, and saw.

Daria: The Fasion Club broke up?

Drew: Sandi aced a test?

Jane: Neither. I just saw Mel pin Upchuck to a wall the way she did to Sandi. He slapped her ass. Then, she said to him, "You ever touch me again, and I'll castrate you with a dull knife." Then she flung him down the hall.

(Drew breaks into hysterics. Daria opens up her locker and removes some papers. She starts to walk towards Li's office.)

Jane: What are you doing, Daria?

Daria: Thanking Mel.

(Jane looks after Daria confusedly, and Drew is still in stitches.)

(Scene: Li's office. Music: No Doubt - Simple Kind of Life~ Daria knocks on Ms. Li's office door.)

Ms. Li: Come in! (Daria enters) Ah, Ms. Morgendorffer. I knew you'd come sooner or later.

Daria(deadpan): Excuse me?

Ms. Li(does her little pig, snorty chuckle): I knew you'd come sooner or later to grovel for your friend's freedom. (beat) Either you or one of your other little outcast friends.

Daria: Grovel? Morgendorffers don't grovel. Besides, why would I grovel a day before she finishes her "sentance," so to speak?

Ms. Li(narrow eyed look; suspicious tone): Then why are you here?

Daria: To show you what I have. (Ms. Li cocks a brow; Daria hands her the papers she's been holding. Ms Li reads a few sentances then looks up.)

Ms. Li(red in the face; angry tone): Where did you find these?

Daria: I have my sources.

Ms. Li: What do you want?

Daria: I want Mel's punishment lifted prematurely. Other than that? This is just a mere warning.

(Ms. Li shreds the papers and throws them in the wastebasket.)

Ms. Li: Oops. There goes your papers. (smirk)

Daria: What makes you think those were the only copies?

Ms. Li: You're bluffing.

Daria(Mona Lisa smile): Am I?

(Scene: LHS Cafeteria. Music plays on. Mel is scraping off a tray, looking zombie-like, but yet, still irritated. Just then, an announcement breaks over the PA.)

Ms. Li(over PA; irate tone): Ms. Water's, your punishment is... complete. You may return to doing (gettting angrier) whatever it is you reje-

Monotoned Voice(over PA): Li...

Ms. Li(con't): Go back to your regular schedule. That is all.

(Mel drops what she's doing, takes off the janitor's uniform to reveal her regular clothes. She walks past the FClub's table on her way out, and drops the dirty outfit on Sandi, and gives her the finger.)

(Scene: Pizza King. Music plays on. Daria, Mel, Drew, and Jane share the usual booth. Mel is once again looking like her content self.)

Drew: Here's to Mel, and her putting up with the hell she has for the past four days!

Daria, Drew, and Jane(unison): To Mel!

Mel(raising her coke in salute): And to Daria. For snooping around in Li's office.

Mel, Drew, and Jane(unison): To Daria!

(Daria Mona Lisa smiles as Mel gives her a hug.)



All characters of Daria are property of MTV. I have absoluely no intention of stealing them, or harming them in any way... ;-P This fanfic was created solely for entertainment purposes. You can sue me if you want, but I wouldn't reccomend it... All I got is $11 and my pet bird... :)

Mel Waters and co. were created and are owned by Tanya "Tazzie" Littlefield. Copyright 2002. You steal my characters and I WILL hurt you. And then I'll call the lawyers.