Welcome To Hell, Mel
By Tazzie

(Episode 1 of season 1:
The "Not Another New Kid Series!" Series)

(Scene: Daria and Jane on their way to school. Jane looks half-asleep. Daria is wearing a really annoyed expression.)

Daria(imitating Ms. Li): Another fun-filled year at Laawwwwwwnnnndaaaalllle High. (Usual monotone) Just kill me now.

Jane(yawns): Fortunately there's only two years left.

Daria: I guess. I don't know if I can deal with Ms. Li's corruption for another whole year, though.

Jane: We'll figure something out.

(Scene: The front of LHS. Music: Garbage - Wicked Ways~ Daria and Jane have just arrived. The Fashion Club is staring at something coming down the street. Daria and Jane turn their views too.)

Jane: It's a Ferrari...

Daria: It's pulling into our highschool...

(A silver ferrari pulls into LHS, and three people step out. One, out of the drivers seat, a tall girl wearing a short black skirt, blue sleevless shirt, knee high leather boots, and a black leather trenchcoat. The next, an equally tall boy wearing a Nike shirt and black pants. And the last, a goth chick. Think Andrea slightly altered. The Fashion Club approach the tall girl. Pan to Daria and Jane.)

Jane: Uh, oh. Looks like a new addition to the Fashion Fiends.

(Pan back to the Fashion Club.)

Sandi: Like, hi. I'm Sandi, this is Quinn, this is Tiffany, and this is Stacy.

Girl: ... And?

(Sandi gets an annoyed look.)

Sandi: We're the Fashion Club. (The girl grins and raises an eyebrow.)

Girl: Um, Fashion Club? Are you serious?

Quinn(taking this as excitement): Yea! We're, like, the most popular people in school. We think you're cool, and with a slight alteration to your wardrobe (Quinn does a slight tug on the trenchcoat, and recieves a look that says, "Touch the coat again and see what happens...". Quinn pays no heed.) could totally be Fashion Club material.

Girl(Fake voice): Like, oh my gawd! Are you serious?! I think I'll.. (regular voice) ...keep my brain cells, thank you very much.

(The Fashion Club looks at her with amazement and anger. Then they turn and stalk off. The tall girl and guy turn to eachother and give a high-five. Then they turn and walk into the school. Pan back to Daria and Jane.)

Daria: You were saying?

(Scene: Hallway. Music contiues. Daria and Jane are standing at Daria's locker. Just then, the girl from before walks up next to Daria and starts turning the lock on her locker. She tries repeatedly, seemingly perfect everytime. She gets an angry look on her face, and slams her hand against the locker. She backs up.)

Jane: Ah, you want some help?

Girl: No. But I'd back up if I were you.

(Daria and Jane look at each other in confusion and then back up as they were warned. The girl backs up all the way to the other wall and runs as fast as possible to her locker, she jumps high, and then does a flying kick into her locker door, which flies off and lands at their feet. Daria and Jane are dumb-struck.)

Daria: Um...

Girl: Melanie. But you can call me Mel.

Daria: Mel... Where did you learn to do that?

Mel(shrugs): Just something I picked up.

Jane: What class do you have next?

Mel(looks at her schedule): O'Neill

Jane: Us too. But if he calls you Malory, don't feel bad. He can't remember a name to save his life.

Mel: Who are you guys?

Daria: Well, we're the most unpopular people in the school, and damn proud. Or, just simply, Daria and Jane. I'm Daria.

Mel: Most unpopular? You sound like my kind of people.

Daria: Who were those people you got out of your car with?

Mel: Them? Drew, my cousin. A Junior like me. And Brooke, my sister. A Sophmore. She's kind of angry at the world...

Daria and Jane: Why is that? (Mel shrugs)

Daria: One more thing.

Mel: Yeah?

Daria: Welcome to hell. (Mel quirks an eyebrow)

(Scene: O'Neill's Classroom. Daria, Jane, Mel, and Drew are in a straight line in the front row.)

Mr. O'Neill: Okay, Class. I'd like you to welcome two new students, Malory (Jane grins at Mel) Winters and Andy Grewe. (Mel raised her hand.) Yes, Malory?

Mel: It's Melanie Waters. Or Mel.

Drew: And Andrew Gray. Or Drew.

Mr. O'Niell: Sorry, Mandy. Sorry, Drake. Now! On with today's lesson.

(Daria and Jane grin. Mel and Drew just shake their heads.)

(Scene: Lunch. Music: Treble Charger - American Psycho~ Daria, Jane, and Mel share a table.)

Mel: Why'd you call this place hell? It's not as bad as where I come from.

Jane: It gets worse.

(Drew walks up and plops down next to Mel.)

Drew: This seat taken? (grin)

Mel: By you. (beat. to looks) Oh! Drew. This is Jane, and this is Daria. (Jane and Drew shake hands and smile at each other. Drew and Daria shake hands. Drew grins and Daria blushes profusely.)

Drew: Well met. (beat) Aren't those the Fashion Clan, er Club people? (points to a table across the lunch room. Daria nods.) Whaddaya say we pull a "Joe" on em, Mel?

Mel(grins): You sure? On our first day?

Drew: May as well give everyone a true impression of who we are. (Daria and Jane look at eachother, then at Drew and Mel.)

Mel: Don't worry. You'll see.

(Mel and Drew walk across the lunch room to the Fashion Club's table, Mel holding a fruit-punch bottle and Drew holding chocolate pudding. They arrive at the table and begin conversing with the FClub.)

Sandi: I don't care if you changed your mind, you're NOT getting into the Fashion Club NOW.

Mel: Oh, it's not that. I just wanted to admire your lovely outfit. (takes a few steps back) It's so fashionable.

Quinn(to Drew): Who are you?

Drew: A friend or Mel's. She was coming over here, and I just *had* to get a better look at you. (Quinn blushes)

(Mel moves to take a step back toward Sandi, but "trips" and spills the whole bottle of fruit punch on Sandi's ensemble. Drew, in a motion to move next to Mel, "accidentally" hits his elbow against Quinns shoulder, and the pudding lands in her hair. Sandi and Quinn run off crying to the bathroom. Mel and Drew exchange low-fives. Stacy runs after Quinn and Sandi. Tiffany, however, stays. Pan to Daria and Jane who gawk in amazement and hilarity. Pan back to Tiff, Mel, and Drew. Tiffany points at Mel and Drew.)

Tiffany: That was sooo wrong... (Stalks off in the direction that the others went. Mel and Drew walk back over to their table.)

Daria and Jane: Wow. (Mel and Drew just grin again.)

(Scene: Barch's class. Jane and Daria are side by side. Drew and Mel are in a different class now. Barch is nowhere in sight.)

Jane: So what do you think of Drew (Daria blushes) and Mel?

Daria: Mel's cool.

Jane: You like Drew, don't you?

Daria: What? Me? Drew? No. Not at all.

(Jane ponders her friend for a minute before Barch entered the classroom.

(Scene: DeMartino's Class, last period of the day. Drew and Daria sit next to each other. Jane is in another class this period, and Mel is missing.)

Daria(wispering): Where's Mel?

Drew: You'll see.

(Scene: After school. Daria, Drew, Jane, and Brooke are standing by the Ferrari, although Brooke is apart from everyone else. Mel walks up and wipes her hands on her skirt.)

Mel: Mission complete.

Daria: Huh?

Drew and Mel in unison: You'll see.

Mel: One-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand... Nnnow!

(As if on cue...)

Sandi: Ehhhhhyyyyuuuucccchhhhhhhh! (Drew and Mel smirk. Pan to Sandi's car [I'm not sure if she has one, but for the purposes of this series, she has a beat-up blue convertible.] which is filled with manure. Think "Back to the Future" with Biff's car. Just like that. Drew and Mel share another high-five. Daria and Jane smirk, and nod in approval.)

(Scene: Waters' household. It's a HUGE house. Bigger than Daria's. The Waters seem to be pretty well off. The Ferrari pulls into the driveway carrying Daria, Jane, Mel, Drew, and Brooke. Corrosion of Conformity - Big Problems is blaring from the speakers. As soon as the car stops, Brooke jumps out and walks into the house. Everyone else gets out of the car too.)

Jane: I live down the road from here.

Daria: Nice house.

Drew: It's cool. We'll give you the tour.

Mel: Yeah.

(Scene: Upstairs hallway. {I skipped the living room, kitchen, and downstairs master bedroom. Use your imagination.} There are three rooms in this hallway. One door has one of those signs that have all the health risks for rides at theme parks. Drew's room. Another door has a sign that says "Fuck Off" on it. Brooke's room. And the last room in the hallway has one of those "Beware of the Dog" signs on it, only "dog" is crossed out, and "Mel" has been put on it. Daria, Jane, Mel, and Drew enter Mel's room.)

Mel: And here's my room.

(Mel's room has dark blue walls, black trim, and a black ceiling. On the wall behind Mel's bed, "Melanie" has been written in black script.)

Jane: Nice.

Daria: Very nice.

(Jane and Daria walk around looking at posters and pictures. One particular picture of Drew, Mel, and a blonde girl wearing Quinn-ish clothes draws her attention.)

Daria(points to the picture): Who's the blonde girl?

Mel: Um. Brooke.

Jane: Really?

Drew: Yeah.

Daria: What the hell happened to her from then 'till now. No offense.

(Mel sighs, and runs a hand through her hair. She sits down on her bed and takes the picture and looks at it for a moment. Then she sighs again as she sets it down.)

Mel: You really want to know?

Daria: Uh, yeah, I guess.

Mel: Alright... Basically, this is the reason why Brooke ccompletely changed her identity. It also explains why we moved to Lawndale. (beat) About two months ago, my mother and Drew's mother went out shopping. They got into a car accident and snuffed it. Brooke couldn't deal, and neither could my dad. So we moved to Lawndale to "get rid of all the bad memories."

Drew: And Mel's dad kind of adopted me. My dad left when I was about five, and my mom was my guardian. So, when she died...

Jane: Ah, not to pry, but where IS your dad?

Mel: New York. Where we moved from. He works in the stock market. He thought that maybe if he got Brooke out of New York, she would be able to deal better. As you can see, she's not. My dad should be back this summer. Maybe.

Jane: Hah. Join the club.


Daria: Sorry, I didn't mean to-

Drew: Nah, it's fine. Don't worry about it.

Jane: You guys wanna go grab a slice?

Daria: Jane's a pizza fiend.

Mel: Sounds good.

Drew: I'm in.

(Scene: Sandi's house. She's somehow gotten her car home. She's cleaning it out as her dad yells at her. Sandi seems near tears. Close up on Sandi's face, where we can see fiery rage in her eyes.)

Sandi: This means war, Mel. This means war...



All characters of Daria are property of MTV. I have absoluely no intention of stealing them, or harming them in any way... ;-P This fanfic was created solely for entertainment purposes. You can sue me if you want, but I wouldn't reccomend it... All I got is $11 and my pet bird... :)

Mel Waters and co. were created and are owned by Tanya "Tazzie" Littlefield. Copyright 2002. You steal my characters and I WILL hurt you. And then I'll call the lawyers.