Morte La Montreal, Part The Fifth: “Morgandorffer MIA” by wierdgrrl wierdgrrl@hotmail.com Synopsis: Continuing where we left off, Daria has discovered the truth about Quinn and Trent, and subsequently runs off. Armed with the Tank, Trent sets off to find her and do some serious thinking. Intro: Instead of the usual, we are treated to a new one, to “Sweet ‘69” by Babes In Toyland; and the intro is in the tradition of MMST series, with teaser scenes.  Upchuck walking with 3J into the red light district, as CLOSED signs appear in the windows rather quickly.  The Fashion Club shivering in the cold, wearing miniskirts.  Trent opening his guitar case to find a folded piece of paper, which he opens and looks stunned.  The Fashion Club sliding by Jane and Daria across the ice, and Jane and Daria wince as if the FC got seriously hurt.  Daria walking down a snowy road in the night, with her thumb out.  The Fashion Club standing around looking cold. All of a sudden they get smacked in the back of the head with snowballs. Cut to Daria and Jane smirking.  Daria logo on ice blue background, close-up and then pan out to read, “Daria in ‘Morgandorffer M.I.A.’” SCENE: CHATEAU ROXBURY HALLWAY (Quinn is still in formal dress from ‘A Blight At The Roxbury’, standing outside a door, which we assume correctly to be Daria’s. She pounds on it with one fist.) QUINN: Please, Daria, we have to talk. DARIA: (OS) Go to hell, Morgandorffer. QUINN: (continues pounding, near tears) Please, Daria, I had no idea, I’ll break up with him if you want! (No response from Daria. Quinn slams her shoulder into the door twice, and it breaks down.) QUINN: (to self) God bless shoddy hotel construction. (looks up) Aw, hell… (Daria is nowhere to be found, but the window is open and the curtains blowing in the breeze.) (Trent comes up behind Quinn.) TRENT: You need to give her a night to calm down- (sees open window) Aw, hell. (They go into the room and survey the wreckage. A lamp is shattered. Her bag is gone, and Quinn’s dress she had illicitly borrowed is in shreds on the floor. The mirror is smashed.) QUINN: Wow. (Jane comes up behind them.) JANE: I couldn’t get her to open the door either. Is she okay? (Trent merely holds his arm outward towards the trashed hotel room.) JANE: Well, at least she let you in-Aw, hell. TRENT: I expected her to be upset, but not like this. She never really had a temper. JANE: That’s just it, Trent, she holds it all inside. I guess a little voice just said, “Enough.” (They keep looking at the mess, stunned. Finally Quinn speaks.) QUINN: Where could she have gone? TRENT: I don’t know, but I’m gonna go find out. (Jesse walks in, talking on a cell phone.) TRENT: (stops) Who ya talking to? JESSE: Max. TRENT: Let me have the keys to the Tank. JESSE: Sure. (tosses them to Trent) What for? TRENT: Gonna look for Daria. (runs off) (Max’s voice crackles out of the cell phone.) MAX: (OS) She needs premium, dude! PREMIUM! (1) COMMERCIAL LEAD-IN: Quinn discovers the open window. 1.) An ad for Blockbuster. American Beauty is Guaranteed To Be There™. And while I loved American Beauty, I’ve had a lifelong dream of getting my friends to rent every copy at Blockbuster, then claiming false advertising. Hee hee! 2.) Hmmm… aw, hell, let’s run the “Deluded Whiteboy’s Adventures On the Escalator” Sprite ad again. END COMMERCIALS SCENE: SNOWY BACKROAD MUSIC: “The Ethers Tragic” by Smashing Pumpkins (Daria has her backpack on, along with her jacket, jeans, and boots. She also has black mittens and hat. She’s trying unsuccessfully to hitchhike with a sign that says “Lawndale or best offer.”) DARIA: This could quite possibly be the worst night of my life.) (A car speeds by her and sprays dirty snow in her face.) DARIA: (wiping off face) This is the worst night of my life…. (She sits down in the snow, dejected, and begins talking to herself[2].) DARIA: How could this have happened? Well, it’s obvious why, Daria, you’re not exactly a prize. But what’s really maddening is how oblivious that boy is. It was so blatantly obvious I had feelings for him! (A series of flashback scenes begins. We see Daria, Jane, Trent and Jesse in Jane’s basement, and Daria blushes [3]. DARIA: (VO) It started showing up about the time we all went to Alternapalooza… (Another flashback occurs, this time at Axl’s Piercing Parlor [4].) DARIA: What’s more devoted than having channels sliced out of your abdomen for a person? Jesus Christ, I’ve made an idiot of myself? And for what? So my own shallow flesh and blood can nab him, that’s what! I wonder what menial task he’s doing for her now… (Cut to Jane, Trent and Quinn in front of the Tank. Quinn is holding onto Trent’s arm.) QUINN: Please let me come with you… TRENT: Quinn, on the off-chance I find her she’s not going to be to happy to see me, but if you’re there, she’s likely to draw blood. And I need to do some serious thinking. (He gets in the car and drives off. Jane pats Quinn’s shoulder.) JANE: I’m sure he meant to say serious drinking. (5) (Quinn looks at Jane and wordlessly smacks her upside the head.) JANE: (sheepish) Well, someone had to say it! SCENE: THE TANK MUSIC: “Engine No. 9” by Deftones (Trent driving in the Tank, along a lit road. He sighs heavily and starts talking to himself [Familiar?].) TRENT: Oh, man, what have I done? I always knew Daria had feelings for me… (Flashback to him, Jesse, Jane and Daria in the Lane basement.) TRENT: (VO) She started acting different right about when we went to Alternapalooza… (Flashback part the second: Axl’s Piercing Parlor.) TRENT: She would have done anything for me, I knew she didn’t want to get pierced… (Trent’s eyes widen, and the Tank screeches to a stop.) TRENT: Oh my God… I love Daria! COMMERCIAL LEAD-IN: Trent braking hard on the Tank. COMMERCIALS: I know you all want to get back to that cliffhanger, so I’m not even going to bother with America’s Best Commercials/A Satirical View Of America’s Worst Commercials. And back to the show… SCENE: SNOWY BACKROAD (Daria is still hitchhiking, or attempting to anyway. She waves her thumb at a black Buick. To her surprise, it actually stops!) DARIA: Thank God. (She runs over to it and hops in without so much as a glance at the driver. As the car pulls away, we hear a voice.) VOICE: Well, look who it is! Remember me from Highland, sugar? DARIA: Aah! SCENE: INT. THE TANK MUSIC: “Love Song” by The Cure (Trent is driving and berating himself.) TRENT: You are a moron! Daria is and always has been the best one for you! You’re so oblivious! For God’s sakes, Quinn’s underage! MORON, MORON, MORON! And why are you talking to yourself? (He stops and looks around in a daze.) TRENT: Oh. SCENE: INT. BLACK BUICK MUSIC: DARIA: Todd! What are you doing here? (Cut to show Todd, who you may remember from Beavis And Butthead TODD: They tried to put me in jail after our last rendezvous (6), but I took a tip from the draft-dodgers of yore and fled to our neighbor of the north! DARIA: (reaches for the door handle) I-I don’t need a ride, you can let me out here- (Todd locks the doors and turns to Daria, who is in the backseat. He grabs her arm, and Daria shrieks. She is looking out the back window, and sees a familiar vehicle.) DARIA: (VO) Is that the Tank? SCENE: INT. THE TANK MUSIC: “Killer On The Road" by Babes In Toyland (Trent is driving, looking outside listlessly.) TRENT: What have I done? (We see the vehicle in front of him is Todd’s black Buick. A boot, Daria’s, kicks out a window. She climbs out a window and jumps into a snowdrift.) TRENT: Holy shit, Daria! (He slams on the brakes, but the ice on the road makes him skid horribly…off the road and into a rail. The rail strains and breaks, and the Tank tumbles down an embankment. It lands on the passenger’s side.) (Daria meanwhile is lying in the snow. She’s a little shell-shocked, but otherwise okay.) DARIA: What a night... (She checks her watch. It reads 2:37 AM [it’s digital]. She tries to prop herself up on one arm, but falls back down with a little cry of pain.) DARIA: Ow! What was that? (yawns) I’ll… just… sleep it off… (She conks out in the snow.) FADE TO BLACK SCENE: SNOWY EMBANKMENT MUSIC: “The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning” by Smashing Pumpkins (It’s still night/early morning-ish, and the sky is only beginning to lighten. The sun is still not up.) (The Tank is still rolled over on its side. We see the driver’s side door trying to open, but since it’s vertical, it’s unsuccessful. A foot kicks out the window, and Trent climbs out. He has a not-too-serious gash on his forehead and a few bruises, but otherwise looks none the worse for wear.) TRENT: Oh, man, I’m not feeling too good. (A sudden look of surprise comes over his face, and he gasps.) TRENT: Daria! (He runs up the hill, with slight difficulty due to the snow. Daria is still conked out in the snow. He picks her up and holds her.) TRENT: Daria, wake up. (She rubs her eyes and blinks. When she sees him she closes them.) DARIA: Mmm. TRENT: I know you don’t want to speak to me, but are you okay? (He tries to lift her up in a “fireman’s carry” but she screams in pain.) DARIA: Yaahhhh! TRENT: We gotta get you to a hospital. (He takes out a cell [don’t ask me where he got this, let’s just say the Tank breaks down often], and dials a number.) TRENT: Janie?… I found Daria… call an ambulance, will you?… we’re about… (As he talks, the screen fades to black again, and starts up the credits.) MUSIC: “The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning” Smashing Pumpkins ROLL CREDITS AND ALTER-EGOS. (1) A classic line from “Snake” of Simpsons fame. (2) Think “See Jane Run”, kids. (3) From “Road Worrier.” (4) From “Pierce Me.” (5) Thank you sir, may I have another Simpsons reference? (6) As mentioned in “Outbitched”, Daria was sexually assaulted by Todd back in Highland.