“Morte La Montreal” Part the Third: “Quinn of Hearts” By wierdgrrl wierdgrrl@hotmail.com Synopsis: Continuing where “Where the River Shallows” left off, what is going on with Trent and… QUINN?! Roll new credits. Instead of the usual, we are treated to a new one, to “Sweet ‘69” by Babes In Toyland; and the intro is in the tradition of MMST series, with teaser scenes.  Upchuck walking with 3J into the red light district, as CLOSED signs appear in the windows rather quickly.  The Fashion Club shivering in the cold, wearing miniskirts.  Trent opening his guitar case to find a folded piece of paper, which he opens and looks stunned.  The Fashion Club sliding by Jane and Daria across the ice, and Jane and Daria wince as if the FC got seriously hurt.  Daria walking down a snowy road in the night, with her thumb out.  The Fashion Club standing around looking cold. All of a sudden they get smacked in the back of the head with snowballs. Cut to Daria and Jane smirking.  Daria logo on ice blue background, close-up and then pan out to read, “Daria in ‘Quinn Of Hearts.’” SCENE: EXT. SHOT: MOTEL 6 INT. SHOT: THE FC’S ROOM (Quinn rushes into the room and jumps triumphantly on the bed.) QUINN: Yesss! (She goes to the dresser, where a Discman has been set up with portable speakers. She presses PLAY and No Doubt’s “New” blares out of it.) (She goes into the bathroom briefly and comes out wearing a red satin brocade robe. Just then a knock is heard.) QUINN: Entrer. (Trent opens the door cautiously.) TRENT: Is it okay? Your friends aren’t in here, are they? QUINN: (laughs) Yeah, right! They’ll be out the whole night. (“New” ends, and “Too Late” also by No Doubt, comes on.) TRENT: You know, Daria and Janie always talk about how shallow you are, but you’re really honest when you’re not with your friends. QUINN: And I’ll bet she says I’m a little whore, too, right? (Trent looks surprised) TRENT: Well, more or less, yeah. QUINN: Ha, what a joke! It’s the furthest thing from that; I’ve never even kissed- (Trent looks absolutely dumbfounded.) QUINN: -a…guy. (looks down) If you want to leave, you can. I understand. TRENT: No, that’s not it. It’s just that… I never would have guessed. I admire your integrity, Quinn. QUINN: (VO) Do I say it? (beat) Trent? TRENT: Hmm? QUINN: Can I-I mean, would you- (she blushes, and finally leans over and kisses him. He returns it, and the kiss lasts a long time. They pull away as they hear thumping down the hall.) SANDI: (OS) Quinn shoulda (hic) been there, iwwas so muffun… TIFF: (OS) Yeahhh… QUINN: (leaps up) That’s Sandi! TRENT: (grabs her hand) Quick, through the door to my room! (He drags her in. The room is empty.) QUINN: I know Mr. O’Neill probably had a little “teacher’s meeting” with Ms. Barch, but where’s Jesse? TRENT: He’s still out. Met some chick at the diner after the club. QUINN: Good. (Trent turns on his own makeshift stereo. “Sunshowers” by Chris Cornell, from the Great Expectations soundtrack, begins.) (As the song plays, a montage ensues. It alternates between them kissing and talking. Little snippets of conversation are heard, such as…) TRENT: Is that your stomach or my stomach? __________________________________ QUINN: Your cuticles are like little moons. TRENT: My what? QUINN: Your cuticles. (1) (As the song ends, we see Quinn sneaking back into her room, shutting the door quietly…) (…And coming face-to-face with Stacy.) STACY: Quinn? What were you doing in there? QUINN: I’ll tell you later, in the Old Walled City this morning. STACY: Okay. COMMERCIAL LEAD-IN: Quinn jumping on the bed. Let us all scream with joy as potato chips in a can, two kinds of tampons, and Malcolm In The Middle promos change our lives forever. END COMMERCIAL BREAK SCENE: OLD WALLED CITY (looks like an old European village, big tourist attraction) LI: Now, I must implore you all to stay in groups of three or more… (Li’s voice fades into the background, and Quinn whispers to Trent) QUINN: I have to talk to Stacy, and then I’ll see you at 1. TRENT: Deal. (She and Stacy run off, giggling, and Trent turns to Daria and Jane.) TRENT: I gotta do some stuff on my own. I’ll see you guys at two, okay? JANE: (scowl) You’re acting strangely, young man. TRENT: Who are you, Mom? (walks off) JANE: I don’t like this one bit, Daria. DARIA: Will you calm down already? The way you talk you’d think he’d been apprehended in a torrid embrace with Quinn… or Jamie. JANE: (looks uneasy) Or all 3 J’s. DARIA: Speaking of the devils, where are they off to? (Upchuck and 3J are marching purposefully by, with lascivious grins on their faces.) (Cut to inside a store. A cashier looks out the window and sees 3J and Upchuck, and goes ballistic) CASHIER: Oh, Christ, not that Ruttheimer kid again! (He presses a button underneath the counter, and we return to outside. 3J and Upchuck’s faces fall as every sex shop in view closes the blinds and displays “Closed” signs.) (Cut to Stacy and Quinn in a coffee shop, drinking cappuccinos. They are smiling conspiratorially when Trent sits down beside them.) TRENT: Hey, how’s it going? QUINN: Good. Can we go outside? TRENT: Sure. SCENE: ANOTHER COFFEESHOP SHOT: INT. COFFEESHOP (3J and Upchuck are eyeing a woman at the next table. She is very pretty and is sitting alone, reading a book.) JOEY: I’ll go talk to her first! JEFFY: I’ll do it, I just need to figure out French for “Can I get your number?” UPCHUCK: Why not use the universally understood phrase “Voulez-vous coucher avec-moi?” JAMIE: Charles, though that is universally understood, it is not always received well. Perhaps “Tu numero au telephone, s’il vous plait?” (Everyone stares at him, surprised.) JAMIE: What? (Jamie stands to approach the woman, then his eyes widen and he slaps his forehead and sits.) ALL: WHAT? JAMIE: That book is in English. (They look over, and she is reading The Catcher In The Rye and smirking in their direction.) ALL: (slap their foreheads) D’oh! (2) (Outside. We see Trent and Quinn talking, but don’t hear them. Cut to Upchuck watching through a camera zoom lens. He takes polaroid after polaroid as they kiss, and one blows away.) UPCHUCK: Dammit! Oh well, I have plenty of pictures of my feisty redhead already…rrrowrr! (Follow the picture’s journey in the wind. It lands by a park bench near a pair of Doc Martens…Jane’s. A hand reaches to pick it up…) JANE: (OS, except for boots) Oh. My. God. AND COMMERCIAL FADE-IN: Upchuck snaps a polaroid! COMMERICAL: A girl with short brown and blond-streaked hair comes on screen. She is wearing a red ¾ sleeve tee with a short leopard skirt, and black lace-up boots not unlike Daria’s. She speaks. “Hi, I’m wierdgrrl, author of this fanfic. Before I get ambushed by the ’shippers, I just want to say I do not condone a Trent-Quinn relationship, it just occurred to me that no one had ever covered it before. Oh yeah, and statutory rape is a bad bad thing to do. Thank you and we will now return.” END COMMERCIAL BREAK SCENE: MOTEL 6 SHOT: DARIA’S ROOM (Daria is seen writing something. She reads it to herself and crumples it up in disgust.) DARIA: This is crap! I’m going to have to tell him face-to-face. SHOT: TRENT’S ROOM. MUSIC: “Welcome To The Fold” by Filter (Trent is lolling about on his bed, reading Guitar World. Jesse is asleep in the other bed. Mr. O’Neill is, of course, gone. All of a sudden Jane bursts in.) TRENT: Hey, Janie. JANE: Hey, Trent. YOU ASSHOLE! (She flings the picture of him and Quinn at him and storms out.) TRENT: What? (looks at the picture) WHAT? (Jane comes back in.) JANE: I might have known you were too oblivious to realize your wrong-doings, so I’ll sum it up for you. First of all, Quinn’s a minor. TRENT: We never- JANE: That’s the least of it! The main point is that you have no consideration of others! What the hell am I gonna tell Daria? TRENT: What the hell are you talking about? JANE: DAMMIT! You really are oblivious! (storms off) (Trent shrugs and goes back to his magazine.) SCENE: MOTEL 6 SHOT: INT. TRENT’S ROOM MUSIC: “Roads” by Portishead (Trent and Jesse are being their ever-loving narcoleptic selves, and are fast asleep, along with Mr. O’Neill [though a telltale black bra is hanging on his bedpost, no doubt Ms. Barch’s]. A dark figure, which looks like Daria, enters quietly through the adjoining rooms’ door. She opens Trent’s guitar case, and puts something inside. She closes it quickly and dashes back to her room. Trent wakes up with a start?) TRENT: Beulah? (looks at his guitar case and sighs in relief) Oh good, you’re safe. (He notices one of the latches on the case ajar, and gets out of bed to investigate. He removes the note from the strings and unfolds it, looking confused.) (As he reads it, his eyes grow wider.) TRENT: Janie, you suddenly make sense. (Enter Jane. She is wearing her running gear.) JANE: Trent, do you have change for a Canadian five? (Trent says nothing, just lifts the paper so she can see.) JANE: Is that what I think it is? TRENT: If what you think it is is a written confession from Daria detailing her fondness for me, you’re right. JANE: Now do you understand why I blew up at you this afternoon? TRENT: Yeah. (beat) What do I do, Janie? I like Daria as a friend, but I really like Quinn. It’s not just looks, either-she’s really insightful. How do I tell Daria without making her mad? JANE: (sighs) There’s really no way she’s not going to be horribly embarrassed, mad at you for choosing her enemy, and mad at me for withholding that knowledge. Basically, you, I, and Quinn are royally screwed. TRENT: I suppose you’re right. (beat) Hey, Janie. Who took that polaroid? (They look at each other and yell angrily at the ceiling…) BOTH: UPCHUCK! Roll credits and Alter Egos. MUSIC: “Anything” by Bif Naked FOOTNOTES: 1.) My So-Called Life reference. 2.) Yes, this actually happened to these guys on my trip.