M.I.B. - Morgendorffer in Black 
by Ross Webster 

SOMEWHERE IN NORTHWEST KENTUCKY . IT'S A STARRY,PERFECT EVENING.
ALL IS PEACEFUL UNTIL BURSTS OF GUNFIRE DISTURB THE PEACE. 
VOICEOVER: That theirs' good shootin' cousin Ebner! 
A FLYING SPACE OBJECT FOLLOWED BY SEVERAL PICKUP TRUCKS CRASHES
INTO FLAMES. 
YOKEL STEPS OUT OF THE TRUCK AND DANCES WITH JOY. 
YOKEL 1: Yheeeee Haaaaaaaaaw! 
FEMALE YOKEL: We cawwught ourselves a Marshiun! 
YOKEL 2: I cawwught me a dang coon' er too,buut this one's a reeeel doozy! 
YOKEL 1: Soooooooo what's we's gonna do with it? 
FEMALE YOKEL: Golly gee. Wait! We could send the pictures of their flyin' hubcap and git
us a few bucks and then.......... 
ALL LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN EXCITEMENT AND SAY TOGETHER 
ALL: Mawrshin n'Chipmunk Stew!!!!!!!! Yheeeeeeee Haaaaaaaaaw!!!!!!!!!!!! 
A BLACK CADILLAC IS SCEEN BEHIND THEM. DARIA AND JANE(NOW IN THEIR
20'S) STAND,DRESSED IN BLACK. DARIA BRAKES THE ICE. 
DARIA: Gee,sounds yummy. 
THE STARTLED YOKELS TURN AROUND. 
JANE: Mind if we tag along for dessert? I just love opossum genitals. 
YOKEL 1: Gawad.......We have comp'ny. 
YOKEL 2: Well wrap me in poison ivy an'cawl me a crawdad! Who er'you? 
DARIA: Were the photographers. With these pictures your life'll be like that of the Beverly
Hillbillies. 
JANE: So if you'll just gather around the alien craft and get right there in that position. 
YOKELS FOLLOW JANE'S DIRECTIONS WITHOUT A CLUE OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN
TO THEM. 
FEMALE YOKEL: I cain't beleeve it! Our dreams awar' comin true! 
DARIA SLIPS ON HER SUNGLASSES AND TAKES OUT HER NERULIZER. 
DARIA: Yep. You won't even have to scrounge around for roadkill anymore. 
YOKEL 1: Gawad those foweren cameras are goofy lookin. 
JANE SLIPS ON HER SHADES 
JANE: Smile for the birdy! 
THERE IS A BRILLIANT FLASH OF LIGHT. MINUTES LATER PASS BY. JANE AND
DARIA ARE DRIVING BACK 
DARIA: I'm so lucky to be the one who gets to assist the Altulyissians in heading back on
the space way. 
JANE: Hey,it was either that or you assist the Giidihtien prince in his cerimonial lap dance. 
DARIA: Oh,yeah. That Chauvilist bastard's the one who mistaken Princess Di for a
hooker.Maybe he would've been kinder than those little space imps trying to rub exerted
corn starch and shaving cream over my ass . 
JANE CHANGES THE SUBJECT. 
JANE: So,we're among the first members of the Men In Black West Coast Division. 
DARIA: One of our joyful little missions is to recruit new members in a certain suburban
area in California. 
JANE: And where might that be? 
DARIA: Home sweet home. 
SOMEWHERE NEAR GAMMA CENTURI. 364 BILLION LIGHT YEARS AWAY. A
SPACESHIP IS TRAVELINGING AT AN EXTREME LIGHT SPEED. 
SEVERAL SHADOWS ARE WORKING INSIDE THE SHIP. THEIR LEADER SPEAKS. 
LEADER: So,the Chancellor takes the ultimate power to Earth 10,000 years ago. Now we
shall anihilate the Humans and the work our way to full domination. Ha,Ha! Ha! Ha!
Bwa,Ha! Ha! Ha! Bwa...Cough! Hack! Uh...anyone got some ultraviolent light and some
antifreeze? Thanks. 
LEADER TAKES ULTRA VIOLENT LIGHT AND THE LIGHT REVEALS THE FACE OF
ONE OF THE BUGS. 

CHAPTER 2 
LAWNDALE HIGH SCHOOL,NEXT EVENING. SEVERAL FIREMEN AND POLICE
GATHER AROUND THE FOOTBALL STADIUM. THE FOOTBALL COACH IS ON TOP
OF THE ANNOUNCER'S BOX. AS THOUGH HE WERE TO JUMP OFF. THE POLICE
ARE CONSULTING. 
POLICE CHIEF: Do we have anyone who who can prusuade him to come down? Friends
or family? 
COP1: Despite a few ex students,it's like he never even existed. Take a look at this. 
POLICE CHIEF: Well, I'll be a shit headed fool! No files! 
COP 2: Guess it's up to his most "understanding" ex students 
TURNS TO KEVIN,BRITTANY,MACK,AND JODIE.(ALSO IN THEIR 20'S) 
MACK: Damn! Coach Farlsman's never freaked out like this before. 
KEVIN: Yeah, never since that time,Before the big game I gave him that medicine I
borrowed from drug ed. 
JODIE: That's because It wasn't a medicine drug,it was L.S.D. He practically Ran into the
field, dragging some naked guys from the shower room and throwing home pregnancy kits
at everyone. 
BRITTANY: Those were pregnancy tests? I thought they were little Lincoln Log thingies. I
built an cute little doll house out of those. 
EVERYBODY STARES AT BRITTANY. 
BRITTANY: What'd I say? 
SKIP TO KEVIN AND RUNNING UP TO COACH FARLSMAN. 
MACK: Coach! Why are you doing this?! 
COACH: It's You! Mack and the dumb ass! 
KEVIN: yeah, it's me ,Dumb Ass! Hey,that name sucks. I wanna new one. 
COACH: No time! I've already wasted my life serving their evil kind. 
MACK: Evil kind?! What evil kind?! 
COACH: I'm the barer of death! The pariah of All kind! The puppet of the Bugs! 
KEVIN: Bugs're cool! I like spiders. 
MACK: Coach, you're not making a damn word of sesne! What bugs?! 
THE COACH HANDS MACK A GLOWING EMERALD. 
COACH: Take this, for the sake of your race and others! 
MACK: What? 
COACH: Stand back! My time on this world is over. 
THE COACH REVEALS A FOUR TENTICLE-LIKE FINGERED HAND,HOLDING AN
ORB.HE SMASHES IT ON THE BOX AND EXPLODES IN A BRILLIANT FLASH OF
LIGHT. 
A WORRIED BRITTANY AND JODIE RUN UP THE STAIRS TO FIND A CHARCOLE
COVERED FACE KEVIN AND MACK. KEVIN IS HUGGED BY BRITTANY AND MACK
VICE VERSA. 
BRITTANY: I was so worried about you baby. 
KEVIN: Man,I'm so shocked I wet my pants. 
BRITTANY PUSHES KEVIN AWAY. 
BRITTANY: Ewwwwwww! Get away from me you Miles Davis pervert! 
KEVIN AND MACK ARE IN FOR QUESTIONING. BRITTANY AND JODIE WAIT
OUTSIDE. 
QUESTIONER: Okay, Mr.Shoulder Pads, you say his hand turned into a tenticle and he
exploded. 
KEVIN: Yeah,it was awsome! It was a real bummer he had to die though. 
QUESTIONER: Lovely story , even though it doesn't make a f*****ng word of sense! 
MACK: Look, we're not exactly sure ourselves what happened, we're just telling you what
we saw. 
KEVIN: We saw a what doing to who's mother now? 
QUESTIONER: Jeez.......Let's try this again. 
DARIA AND JANE WALK IN. 
DARIA: How about we take it from here. 
QUESTIONER: Who the hell are you? 
MACK AND KEVIN: Daria? 
JANE: we're the cable company. You owe us Twenty damn bucks on all the porno
channels. You're coming with us. 
QUESTIONER: Wha....That's rediculous! You don't look a thing like the cable company! 
JANE TAKES HIM OUT THE DOOR. A FLASH OF LIGHT FLASHES. 
DARIA: Okay,we're hear cause You've been selected, obviously by some mistake. 
KEVIN: Is this about Coach Farlsman? 
DARIA: What? 
KEVIN: I'll explain later. 
JANE: Why don't you go on'n get Wonder Woman and Ditzy,they've also been selected. 
EVERYONE IS ASSEMBLED AND HEADS TO THE PARKING LOT. 
JODIE: Mack,what is going on? Why are Daria and Jane here? 
KEVIN: They're the cable company I think. 
BRITTANY: Ooooooooh.Does that mean we get the Pigskin channel? 
DARIA: Why, sure. Just head on out. 
THEY STEP OUT INTO THE PARKING LOT TO FIND AGENT JAY WAITING OUTSIDE. 
JAY: Evenin' I'm Jay and I'll be your your future M.I.B. Instructor. 
KEVIN: Hey, can we also get the Body Slam Network? 
JAY: The hell? 

THE END