Makeup Your Mind by Jill Palmer jill@mail.one.net ------ Things get mucho weird in Lawndale with the arrival of a new makeup chain, the Fashion Club turns out to be behind it, and Daria and Jane stop it... with help from a few unexpected places. LEGAL NOTICE I did not create Daria, or any of Lawndale's citizens, braindead though most of them are. MTV did. Post this story on your site if you so desire, but tell me where it is if I didn't send it to you. I like to keep tabs on my personality and parts thereof. ------ In a faceless makeup store at Cranberry Commons, Jane Lane had an armload of red lipstick. Literally. "Why the makeup overstock?" her only friend Daria Morgendorffer asked, her curiosity piqued. "They're gonna stop selling my favorite brand," Jane answered. "I figured I better stock up on it while it's still here." "Why aren't they still selling it?" "Some new brand bought out their storage space." Jane held up a tube of red lipstick that seemed no different than the others, bar the label. "Curly Girl lipstick," Daria said, reading the label. A little alarm went off in the back of her head. She'd heard of this brand from somewhere. And wherever it was, it hadn't been good. "Put it back, Lane," Daria advised. "Stick with something you know won't have any regrettable side effects." When the two girls left the store, the tube of lipstick was still sitting on the counter. *** At the next Fashion Club meeting, president Sandi Griffin had some exciting news for the others. "The first stage of our takeover is complete," she said. "From Saturday on, all makeup stores in Lawndale will carry only Curly Girl." "That is *so* great," Quinn Morgendorffer, Daria's sister (cousin to the student body), gushed. "Now, the entire town will be fashionable." "I'll be expecting better fashion forecasts from you from now on, Tiffany," Sandi informed the coordinating officer. "I imagine they might even end up in the newspaper, once we have the entire town up to our standards." Tiffany, normally too vacant to be bothered, beamed a bit at the promise of publicity. "Cooool." Stacy Rowe, the club's secretary, had been shaking more and more throughout the courses of the meeting. Finally, she lost it. "I can't do it!" she shouted suddenly. "I can't team up with you guys on this one. I quit!" She got up and stormed out of the Griffin living room, her membership card on the coffee table next to the carrot stick platter. The meeting went right on. *** Daria and Jane were, to say the least, surprised when Stacy approached them at school Monday. (That FC meeting was on Sunday. -JP) And no longer wearing her Fashion Clubber outfit to boot. She'd dropped the pigtails, now choosing to just tie her hair back in a ponytail. She was wearing a dark blue v-neck shirt, carpenter jeans, and Doc Martens. A hard-to-believe combination for a former member of Lawndale's most exclusive club. Jane raised her eyebrows. "What anti-fashion trap did *you* fall into?" she wondered out loud. Stacy ignored the the comment. "Listen, I have to talk to you guys after school. It's important." "What could be so important about fashion that *we* should be concerned?" Daria asked. "Well, if you want the whole town to turn out even dumber than they are already..." Stacy had made a snap decision that sarcasm and bluntness might be the only way to get Daria and Jane to at least hear them out. She'd already dropped the Fashion Club. Why not drop the airhead facade she'd relied on for survival while she was in it? "I don't think that's genetically possible," Daria replied warily, "but it doesn't sound good." "Meet us at Pizza King after school," Jane said. "If you think you're brave enough to face a cheese pizza." "Raring," Stacy answered. In reply to their raised eyebrows: "What? Do you have any idea how *sick* I am of carrot and celery sticks?" *** "So the Fashion Club is trying to take over Lawndale. With makeup," Daria checked. "Yep," Stacy confirmed. "How on earth did you get out alive?" Jane wondered. "The way Sandi is... and how long you've been in the club..." "I'm surprised myself," Stacy admitted. "She probably figured I was too much of a coward to try and stop her." "Big surprise for her." Daria shook her head. "I told Quinn that was a bad group. They must've gotten to the brainwashing before I got around to it." "That's practically the first thing they *do*, once they're sure they want you in," Stacy said. They hand you some Curly Girl makeup and have you put it on. i only escaped it because I put my old makeup in the new containers." Jane's eyes widened. "Jodie," she said in relatively quiet epiphany. "If she's going to be an overachiever, she certainly can't without being *smart*. Stacy, tell her about this, would ya? I don't want to take her off the list of people I can stand." *** Same faceless makeup store, different town entirely. Since Jodie Landon, Lawndale's official superstudent (though not by choice), couldn't find an empty space in her schedule until Friday, the girls didn't take any chances for their makeup shopping mini-spree and went to Oakwood instead. "I thought you said Saturday was when they'd be fully stocked," Jodie said to Stacy as she stocked up on her favorite makeup. "I did," she replied, "but we're not taking any chances. The stores in Lawndale could be fully stocked with Curly Girl by now." "Point taken." Jodie sighed. "My parents would certainly wonder what was going on if I started acting like an airhead." Jane smirked. "Thanks to inside information and, in Daria's case, not using makeup, the Fashion Club's lost three preferred targets." "Does this mean we can expect the school colors to change according to what's in this season?" Daria wondered. The other three girls burst out laughing. "Probably," Stacy said once she'd recovered enough to talk. "I'm expecting some of the scariest things ever in Lawndale soon," Jane said. "How long does it take for whatever's in the makeup to start working?" she asked Stacy. "Look at Quinn," she replied. All four girls winced. *** "But *BABE!!!*" Thus started star quarterback Kevin Thompson's protest to what his girlfriend, head cheerleader Brittany Taylor, had just said. "You can't *do* that! The guys on the team..." Brittany gave her boyfriend a critical look. "Honestly, Kevvy," she said, "don't you want the team to be seasonable? Besides, all the cheerleaders are changing their uniforms, so the team has to too. It wouldn't *look* right if they didn't." "But, Britt-" Kevin was at a loss of words in the face of this logic. Almost, that is - he did find one comeback. "Pastels?" Brittany sighed. "What was I thinking when I started dating you? You don't know *anything* about fashion." And with that she stormed off, leaving a disheartened Kevin looking after her in a hangdog way. "I wonder if I should keep my gym whistle," Daria commented after watching this exchange. "Keep it just in case," Stacy advised. "They *could* find some way to get the boys under their collective thumb too." *** "That does it," Jodie's steady date, Michael Jordan "Mack" MacKenzie (just don't call him Mack Daddy), said to the girls at lunch. "I'm quitting the football team." "Why?" Jane inquired. "Too much exposure to Kevin? Pastel uniforms?" "The second one," Mack answered. "How'd you know?" "Kevin and Brittany had a blow-out argument over it," Jodie filled him in. "We were lucky enough to witness it." Daria sighed. "Looks like it's finally over between those two." "Over between who?" Andrea Lister, Lawndale High's resident "semi-spooky Goth chick", had apparently missed the makeup storm. Also, she'd apparently surprised the group. "Hey Andrea," Jodie said once she'd recovered enough to speak. "Kevin and Brittany had a big fight over the new uniforms." "Kevin was against them?" After the others nodded confirmation, Andrea smirked and continued. "For a change, I don't blame him. Pastels *are* pretty scary." A pause for thought, then: "So how is it you managed to evade the sudden airheadedness that seems to have permeated the female population of the school? Not that most of them weren't already, but they're *way* worse than usual." "Inside information," Daria said. "It's a long story, and probably one easier told with said inside source available." An idea blossomed... and you could almost see the light bulb. "Meet us at Pizza King after school?" "Veggie supreme?" "Yeah, sure," Jane replied. The bell rang, and the conversation was over. *** "I would laugh, if I didn't know you were *in* that club until very recently." Thus went Andrea's reaction to Stacy revealing the "inside information" which had saved Daria, Jane, and Jodie from a fate worse than death. "Where do you get *your* makeup?" Jodie asked out of curiosity. "Dega Street," Andrea answered. "I think the Fashion Club forgot that Goths use makeup too." "You're probably right," Jane commented. "You know," Daria said, "there isn't much difference between the girls in Lawndale now and the way they were." "And you draw the difference at?" Jodie wondered. "They're fashionable airheads now," Daria pointed out. "Before, they were just airheads." "Good point," Stacy conceded. "Still..." "They must be stopped," the girls chorused. An idea blossomed. Andrea thought quickly, then decided it was a good one. "I have a plan," she told the others. They leaned in to hear it, and came out of the huddle smirking. *** "Are you sure this is gonna work?" Stacy was a little uncertain that things would. As it was, they had a sideways chance of succeeding. "Not entirely, but a sideways chance is better than no chance at all," Daria pointed out. "If they can be odd with takeover methods..." "Still... *music?*" Andrea shrugged. "It worked for the Beatles. What goes in first?" "What do we have?" Jodie asked. She had used her influence to get permission to play the music over the PA system for the day. She did this knowing it would be very *loud* music - heavy metal most likely - but just remembered not to tell Ms. Li that. Andrea started going through the stack. There were CDs, and one tape. "Let's see... we've got Sugar Ray, Korn, Aqua, Barenaked Ladies..." She stopped at the taped case, which had Jane's handwriting on it, confused. "Who the hell is Mystik Spiral?" Jane smirked. "My brother's band, and your first stop if you want loud music." The smirk turned evil. "I say we save the loudest for last." "All right then," Andrea conceded. She opened the Barenaked Ladies CD case, inserted the CD, and pressed play. *** "o/~Yesterday, you've forgiven me, now I sit back and wait till you say you're sorry...o/~" Sandi groaned and rested her head on her desk. Whoever was playing this awful, unfashionable music seemed to know what they were doing. But it was too late to try and stop them now. *** "o/~In the heat of the night, we are havin' a fiesta...o/~" As Aqua blasted over the PA system, Andrea took a closer look at the Barenaked Ladies CD case. "Hmmm... 'Alcohol'... Im gonna have to listen to that one sometime," she mused. "I think they play it on the radio sometimes," Jodie said, "but I'm not sure." "How about this one next?" Daria asked, holding up the Sugar Ray CD. Stacy eyed her new friend dubiously. "Some of those songs get air time on the radio, you know," she said as a reminder. "I know, and I also know which ones to avoid." When Aqua was finished, Daria put that one away, pushed a few buttons, and pressed play. *** "o/~Sometimes, I just want to be left alone/With your big head, it's my way, go and get your own...o/~" "Are you *sure* we can't do anything?" Quinn asked at lunch. "This music is giving me a headache." "Heavy metal is soooo wrong," Tiffany vacantly summed up. Sandi sighed. "Yes, *Kuh-winn*, I'm sure there's nothing we can do. They've already started, we can't stop them now." A pause for thought (or as close as a Fashion Clubber can get), then: "But how did they *know?*" *** Leaving Stacy and Jodie in guard of the music and Korn in the CD player, Daria, Jane, and Andrea went to get some lunch. Or, knowing high school cafeteria food's reputation, some semblance of the above. "The salads actually aren't half bad," Andrea said as the threesome worked their way through the line, taking two for herself. Just don't get any dressing. It kinda kills the taste." Jane put the small container of ranch she'd just grabbed back. Whether Andrea was telling the truth or not she didn't know, but she wasn't about to question it. Besides, the salads looked like the only edible food they were bound to find in the school. Why kill the taste? "Just out of curiosity," Andrea continued, "exactly what kind of music does Mystik Spiral do?" "In a word, loud," Daria summed up. "They're into the neo-grunge thing." "In other words," Jane added, "the last thing the Fashion Club wants to hear today." A pause for thought, then: "They could probably do a competent rendition of 'Helter Skelter.'" In response to Andrea and Daria's questioning looks: "Well, don't blame *me* for my parents being Beatles fans. I have a sister named Penny Lane, hasn't my family suffered *enough?*" *** As the PA system blasted out Mystik Spiral's latest (and... err... I don't think you can say "Mystik Spiral" and "greatest" in close proximity without bestowing life to an oxymoron), the Fashion Club groaned in unison. They were *this close*... ...And someone had taken it all away. EPILOGUE It had been a month since the Curly Girl scare. Most of Lawndale had gone back to normal (which, considering its denizens, can't have been too hard), but some things were forever different. Ms. Li, seeing as the pastel uniforms had already been ordered, mandated that they be used. Mack, staying well away from the team and uniforms, nominated Jamie White to succeed him as team captain. Quinn gravitated away from Joey and Jeffy, her other two suitors, as soon as the decision was passed. Jamie wasn't the best choice in the world, but he was better than Kevin. At last count, he and Brittany were still broken up, if anyone cares. Stacy had admitted to being a brain, so she couldn't get back into the Fashion Club. Like she cared. She, Daria, Jane, Andrea, and Jodie had become close friends while fending off the mondter that is fashion. *** In Jane's room, the five girls feasted on a plain cheese pizza. Daria nudged Jane. "Show's back on." Jane un-muted the TV, silence giving way to the usual theme song. A very familiar tube of red Curly Girl lipstick sat on a very familiar faceless makeup store's counter. "Is the fashion industry trying to take over the world by using special chemicals in makeup? Hostile makeovers, next on Sick, Sad World!" The girls looked at each other dubiously. And they thought it was safe to go back to normal life... "Aw, hell," they chorused. THE END.....? NOTES -First, the title. Would've been "Hostile Makeover" but someone has already done that. Crappy working title: "Curly Girl Takeover". Asked the people at Outpost Daria's message board for help, then thought of two good ones on my own. Everyone picked "Makeup Your Mind" over "New Fashionable Experience", the latter of which was inspired by a Gin Blossoms CD. The former was inspired by a song by Heywood Banks, a *great* comedian. A verse of it goes like this: I have a brain that looks so fine/Sitting high atop my spine/With a brain that looks this way/I'll be prepared when people say/Make up your mind! Silly man, no? If you're in the Cincinnati area, he's occasionally on Bob & Tom (92.5 FM). Drawback: Those two laugh like Beavis and Butthead. Otherwise, there's always his site: www.heywoodbanks.com Thanks for helping me pick a title, folks. -Curly Girl makeup is *not* a product of my warped twisted mind. (Just its side effects.) It's from some cartoon or other... and that's where my memory fails me. If you know, tell me for muchas gracias (and cookies if you've written any fics) in return. -Why did I have Stacy snap like that? Ah, the joys of fna fiction... -And you also knew I was going to save the smart people, didn't you? -Why have the FC try to take over Lawndale? Seemed like something they would do. -You may accuse me of overdoing the Beatles refs. State your terms; I only used TWO!!! And they're both true, IMHO. -Nobody knows what Andrea's last name is, so I pulled one out of the back of my mind and wrote it down. Like it? -The names and artists of songs with lyrics used: "One Week" - Barenaked Ladies "Heat of the Night" - Aqua "Personal Space Invader" - Sugar Ray -For those of you wondering, I hate "Barbie Girl" too. -On a related note, "Alcohol" is an actual song. Very loud, too. They would've played it, if not for the school setting. And the necessary Ms. Li rampage. -I *like* blossoming ideas and pauses for thought. They're *good* things. That's why I use so many. -Kevin's "pastels?" retort to Brit is a slight spoof on "Addams Family Values". Anyone remember that? You know where to send stuff.