Love on the Rocks with no Ice Scene 1 - Jane and Daria sitting on top of Lawndale High roof. - Music: Top of the world - The Wildhearts Daria: Tell me again. What are we doing on the roof? Jane: Skipping gym class. Daria: Oh. I thought we were going to shoot members of the public with our newly acquired invisible rifles. I was obviously wrong. Jane: Damn! Now you've ruined the surprise. How did you know about the rifles? Daria: I see all. Jane: Cool. So tell me, O seer of all, who's going to die first. Brittany or Quinn? Daria: Quinn. She is going to be mysteriously murdered and the police will be convinced it was one of her family members that did it. Naturally I will have no idea what so ever they're talking about. Jane: Of course not. What would you have to do with the killing of someone you've been sending death threats to for the past 17 years? Daria: My point exactly. Jane looks at her watch Jane: We'd best be getting to History in case DeMartino's eyeball finally pops out of his head. Daria: Yes. It would be a shame to miss something that good. Jane and Daria walk down the ladder and into school. Cut to History class. DeMartino: RIGHT students. Once again you've EXCEEDED my considerably LOW expectations. TWO people managed to get ABOVE 60% on the WORLD war ONE test. Well DONE. Well it WOULD be well done if THOSE students WEREN'T Miss Morgandorffer and Miss LANE. Bell rings Jane: Who would have thought, I got more than 60%. I had all my money on getting 59%. Daria: I'll use my expert forging skills to make that 60% into a 59% if you give me all your money. Jane: That's a tough decision. Let me get back to you on that, Morgandorffer. Daria: Ok. But hurry. I need a soda. Jane: What was the question again? Daria: There was a question? Cut to Jane's house. Jane's painting and Daria's watching Sick Sad World Siamese triplets that get married to each other! Next on Sick Sad World! Daria: I wonder how those triplets have sex. Jane: I would put that on my list of unanswerable questions. Daria: You have a list of unanswerable questions? Jane: No. Daria: That explains a lot. Jane: It does? Daria: Not really. Trent enters Jane's humble abode Trent: Hey Janey. Hey Daria. How does this sound? You numb my veins I can't think of a way To make you stay These feelings wont go away Jane: Nice rhyming Daria: It's cool. Trent: Hey. Thanks guys. Jane: Anytime, loverboy Daria blushes a slight shade of pale pink and Trent exits Daria: Loverboy? What was that all about? Jane: I thought I would see if your relationship with Tom was like. Daria: By calling Trent loverboy. Jane: Exactly Daria: I question your sanity once again. My relationship with Tom is fine. Jane: Sure it is, blush. Daria: I'm sorry. But I suddenly remember that time long ago. When young Thomas dumped you and proclaimed his undying love for me. Though I somehow think it's a dream. Jane: Yeah. It must have been. Daria: Anyway. I'm going to do some research on how Siamese twins have sex. Jane: Enjoy. Daria: Oh yes. The joys of my wonderful life never cease to amaze me. How could I not enjoy it? Jane: Get out of here, Morgandorffer, before your craziness rubs off on me. Walking out Daria: What craziness? Commercial break Music: 10 seconds from a nervous breakdown - Cutting Jade Scene 2 The Morgandorffer kitchen at dinner Jake and Daria reading the paper Helen on her mobile Quinn not present at the moment Jake: So Daria! How was your day? Daria: Same as my days usually are. Always battling the thought of suicide whilst covering it up wonderfully with my intelligence. Jake: That's great, kiddo! Helen: Jake! Jake: I mean. That's terrible! Daria: Don't worry about it. Having Quinn as a sister is killing me already. There's no need for me to kill myself when I could save a lot of effort not killing Quinn Jake: See Helen? Daria's doing just fine. Helen: Jake!! Quinn enters Quinn: Daa-aad, Can I go with Sandi, Tiffany and Stacey to a mall in New York for th weekend? You know it's a long on so I'll be back by Monday if we leave tomorrow after school so it gives us lots of time at the mall. Sandi's mom's coming too! Can I go? Jake: Sure honey! Here's $50 Quinn: Daa-aad! I need at least $200 Jake: $200!! No way! I'm not made of money! Helen: Will you two shut up!! I'm trying to - - Yes I am still here, Eric. Jake. $100 Quinn: $150 Jake: Done. Quinn leaves and the phone rings. Daria picks it up Daria: You have reached the Morgandorffer household. Unfortunately Quinn went on a killing spree and killed us all so you will have to leave your name and number when the line goes dead. Tom: Hey Daria. Daria: Oh. Why, Hello young Thomas. Tom: Daria. We need to talk. Daria: I disagree. I know a lot of people that need to use their vocal chords. One of them surprisingly isn't me. If I were a mute people wouldn't feel that funny urge to talk to me. Tom: Um, No Daria. I mean. You and I need to talk. About us. Daria: Fine. Bring yourself and your chariot down here and we will have one long hard talking session. About you and I. Us. Tom: Ok. I'll see you in a bit. Cuts to Tom ringing Daria's doorbell. Daria answers. Daria: Why hello. I'm sorry but I'm not interested in buying car washing liquid. Please come again later. Tom: You want to take a walk? Daria: I'll fetch my poncho. Cuts to Daria and Tom walking past the weird bearded guy in the town centre. Tom: Daria. I've been thinking this for a while. It's too awkward going out with you when Jane's your best friend and my ex. I don't think we should go out anymore. I'm sorry. Daria: In other words you've met someone else who is somehow remotely talented and good-looking and has a life. I'm sure she's a great girl. Daria walks away, with tears in her eyes. Tom: Daria! I really am sorry! Cuts to Jane's house. Daria looking depressed and Jane looking concerned. Daria: I should have known this would happen. It always has. Rejection. It's something I can't deal with. I'm just going to bury it deep inside me and hope it doesn't resurface again. Jane: Ahh..Come on Daria! It's not that bad. It's just Tom. Daria: I know Jane. But what if all I'm destined for is rejection? I'll probably end up living alone in the same padded room that guys schizophrenic aunt lived in and is now my room. Trent overhears and enters Jane's room Trent: I couldn't help overhearing man. Daria. Whoever this Tom guy is, it's like his loss. You're cool man. Hey. How does this sound? In the face of rejection A hard to understand conception I feel like I could die. If only I knew why Jane: Nice rhyming. Daria: It's cool. Trent: Daria. You shouldn't give up man. There's some guy there for you. He'll turn up one day. Cut's to the Lane basement, Where Jesse and Trent are talking over a bottle of Jack Daniels. Trent: Dude, it sucks. She's so bummed. I wish she knew how I felt. Jesse: Why don't you tell her? Trent: She's just broken up with that Tom loser. I don't think she wants some 21-year-old broke musician telling her how much he loves her. Jesse: I see your point man. But what if you never tell her? How do you know she doesn't feel the same way? Trent: Janey would have told me. Jesse: Hey dude! I have a good idea. Why don't you write a song for her? Trent: Yeah man. That is a good idea. Cut's to Jane's bedroom. They can hear Trent and Jesse's acoustic guitars jamming. Jane: Will you go out with my brother now? Daria: Watch it, Lane. I'm not madly in love with your brother. Jane: Of course. And I'm not mad. Daria: Can I stop here tonight? I don't want to face Quinn and her eternal tormenting. I might be forced to use those invisible rifles we have been keeping for a good opportunity. Jane: What rifles? Daria: Thanks. Jane: You want to go out for pizza? We can see if Trent and Jesse want to Daria: You just want some quality make-out time with Jesse. Jane: Jesse? Who's this Jesse you speak of? Daria: Fine. Let's go. Daria and Jane exit Jane's room. Trent drives them all to the pizza place in the tank. Jane and Jesse disappear somewhere and Trent and Daria are left in an awkward silence. Daria: So. What pizza do you want? Trent: Hmmm. I don't know. What are you having. Daria: Pepperoni. Trent: Sounds good to me. Daria: Yeah. Trent: So. Are you ok? Daria: Yes. I can stare rejection straight in the eyes and say 'You big bully!' and feel triumphant. Trent smiles. Trent: Damn. Tom is so stupid. Daria: I agree. Why do you think that? Trent: Because you're like really cool. Daria: Why thank you. I've been trying to avoid being cool all my life. And look where it gets me. Trent chuckles Trent: So are you coming with Janey to the Spiral gig tomorrow? Daria: Let's ask a better question. Is Quinn going to bring about the apocalypse? Trent: Good. Jane and Jesse reappear. Looking slightly dishevelled. Jane: We all ready to go? Daria: Yes. Trent: Where's the pizza? Jane: What pizza? Daria: Let's go. Cut's to tomorrow evenings Mystic Spiral gig. Daria and Jane are somewhere near the back. Spiral finishes their last song. But Jesse and Trent stay up there. Nick fetches them stools. Trent: Uh..This is an acoustic song Jesse and me wrote. It's for a special lady out there in the crowd. Verse One My heart beats quickly And my skin shivers I give in meekly To these unending quivers It only can be said in song This love I keep feeling It's been way too long And I feel like I'm keeling Chorus Coz you're my Lady My only one And I Love you Trent stares at Daria all the time he's singing. She gets the picture. Trent walks towards her. Trent: Hey. Uh.I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way. I just didn't know how else to tell you and. Daria: Yes. It was very unexpected and unethical and quite odd. But I do..er.I do feel the same. Trent: Really? Daria: No. I just opened my heart out because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Trent: Cool. So. You wouldn't mind if I kissed you.like now? Daria: I suppose I can make exceptions for fans. Trent smiles and kisses Daria. All is right with the world. Jane and Jesse are making-out again. Show end with Bob Marley - Rock sweet Rock playing. Hello Dear person just finished reading my first attempt at a fanfic! I tried to make it sound as in character as possible. But I don't really know what Jesse talks like. And Trent doesn't say much But I used my imagination! I would love it if you could comment! My email address is lforse2002@hotmail.com Thanks! Lozzie!