Disclaimer: Daria and associated characters are owned by MTV. This is fan fiction written for entertainment only. No money or other negotiable currency or goods have been exchanged. Legion of Lawndale Heroes created by James Bowman. This story occurs during Brother Grimace's LLH Special: A Legion Halloween and the LLH 'Mini': Falling Into Unexpected Circumstances.

Richard Lobinske

Legion of Lawndale Heroes 'Mini': Cats Night Out

Dressed for Halloween in a Grim Reaper costume, Daria Morgendorffer led a young man -also dressed for Halloween as a Roman centurion - to her quarters on the twenty-fourth floor of Legion Tower.

"It's good to get away from all that noise: physical and telepathic."

USAES Cadet Fourth Class Michael Fulton said, "I've never been much for loud parties myself. Thanks for helping me escape."

"No problem, young Indiana Jones." Daria opened the door and was greeted by impatient meows as two kittens looked up at her.

Michael said, "They're cute," as both twined themselves around his sandaled feet and rubbed their cheeks against his ankles. "What are their names?"

"The black and white one is Bump, and the tortoiseshell is Sissy. They took over Legion Tower a couple of weeks ago. It looks like they approve of you."

"Their approval is important," he said, stepping inside behind Daria.

Looking back at the kittens waiting at the threshold, Daria said, "In or out?"

The kittens glanced at each other and after a meow from Sissy, they turned and trotted down the hallway.

"Out," Daria said, quietly closing the door.

"Meoar nrar," Bump said as she and Sissy walked. The Chosen One likes him.

Sissy said, "Raoror mao mowor raor." He smells like a Searcher in Earth.

Bump stopped and sniffed the air. "Meowrr!" I smell fish!

"Dreowrr!" Sissy exclaimed. Downstairs!

At a joyful sprint, the kittens passed through the empty living quarters to turn at a staircase and follow the enticing scent down.

Putting the sounds of the festivities behind him, Kyle Armalin marched up the stairs, thinking, "The party was a good idea. The Legion's been under a lot of stress lately and they need it."

The two kittened bounding down the stairs stopped on the landing above when they saw the Marine officer. "Oarwrar," Bump said. Nightwalker.

He grinned and said, "What are our two little security testers up to tonight? Find any interesting places you were not supposed to be and that the security specialists swore was impossible to get into?"

"Meowrr maoror." Bump said, beginning a stately walk past Armalin. We know that there's fish down there.

"Reorar," Sissy said. And we'll find it.

He shook his head, saying," I'm sure you will," and continued on his way. I don't know where you two came from, but I think you're going to do Daria a lot of good.

Sissy and Bump stood at the fifteenth floor landing and watched in awe as the crowd of young humans mingled and danced to the tune of Thriller on the floor-wide observation deck.

"Rreaor mear raor," Bump said. All the humans are wearing funny skins.

"Mew?" So? Sissy said, moving to the wall and slinking toward the buffet tables. "Meowrr." There's fish.

Legionnaire Jodie Landon, dressed as Star Trek's Lt. Uhura stepped off the elevator, escorted by a blond-haired young man in an eighteenth century Royal Navy officer's uniform.

He saw the cats and said, with a British accent, "Mascots?"

Jodie said, "Daria Morgendorffer's new pets. She dotes on those kittens like a new mother. It's rather amusing if you know her."

The cats froze in the shadows and Bump whispered, "Aomeow." Creator of Wonders saw us.

"They are rather cute," the young man said.

"They also have run of the tower, along with Sandi Griffin's cat, Fluffy. Something I'm not entirely happy about."

"It looks like they're scoping out the food."

"Daria said that she would keep them in her quarters during the party." Jodie sighed. "If the cats are loose, she must've gone back to her room. I hope she had a good reason and isn't just hiding."

"Now that I've seen the official Legion mascots, I guess that's the end of the tour?"

"Well, Mr. Butler, that's everything you're allowed to see."


Jodie smiled and led him away. "If you're very well behaved, that might be negotiable."

After a quick sprint, they reached the buffet table and Sissy said, "Eoaror mraerow nraw?" Do human females go in season all at once? Everyone seems to be in pairs.

Keeping in the shadows behind the tablecloth, Bump said, "Eaoror." I didn't think so.

"Mareor?" Something in the water?

"Reow!" Here it is!

Their curiosity driven away by the tantalizing smells of high-end sushi and sashimi on the table above, both kittens peaked out from under the tablecloth and watched the humans as they awaited their chance.

That chance came soon as the crowd moved away from the tables, toward the dance floor. "Who knew Charles could dance like that?" Stacy Rowe said, watching Charles Ruttheimer performing expert dance moves on the floor while others applauded.

Claws out, the kittens climbed the tablecloth and were soon facing something out of their dreams. Some of the finest sushi chefs on the east coast had provided their best dishes for the party. Wary of being seen, the kittens didn't take too long to decide and each grabbed a roll.. As fast as they had climbed up onto the table, they were back down and running to a dark corner of the room.

Their caper had gone completely unnoticed, except for a single young lady, who at 4 inches tall, had no trouble sitting on one of the hanging decorations. With her Tinkerbell costume and functional wings, Fran Lawrence almost looked like part of the decoration. Amused, she dove down and opened her wings to follow the kittens as a trail of golden sparkles trailed in her wake.

Even with her interest in the kittens, Fran couldn't resist passing over the dessert table and picking up a chocolate truffle while following the cats. The cats slipped into an alcove behind a life-sized, classic Frankenstein's Monster. They were eagerly consuming their treats when Fran dropped to a soft landing and said, "Mind if I join you?"

"Mrew nreoawr," Bump said. My fish, Little Flyer

Increasing her size until she was about a foot tall, Fran sat down cross-legged. "I thought you might like some company."

Both cats backed away as she grew, but settled down as Fran showed no sign of being interested in their fish, focusing on her treat instead. "Don't worry, I brought my own."

In the quiet dark, all three enjoyed their booty. Always impatient, Sissy finished first and moved forward to sniff at Fran. "Hi there," she said. Holding the remaining bit of chocolate in her other hand; Fran scratched Sissy behind the ear.

Sissy, closed her eyes and laid down. Not to be left out, Bump finished her sushi and nuzzled Fran's other arm.

"Hold on," Fran said, gulping down the last of the truffle before scratching behind Bumps ear. "How's that?"

"Mmmwwrrr." The stereo purring of the cats said all that was necessary. As the cats nudged closer, Fran put her arms around the neck of each to scratch the opposite ears. The soft fur of kittens the proportion of lions felt wonderful and Fran closed her eyes.

Even over the din of the party, Stacy's sensitive ears picked up the sound of purring and she quietly moved away from the party to seek out the sound. "I'm so jealous of Daria finding those cute kittens," she said to her self while listening and also using her heightened smell to locate the cats.

"Oh," Stacy said, surprised to see Fran almost asleep between the felines. "That's where you got off to."

Fran lifted her head and said, "Hi, Stacy. I'm still not comfortable around crowds, but I found a couple of friends to keep me company."

"Can I join you?" Stacy said."

"Um, okay."

Smoothing her yellow and black jumpsuit, Stacy knelt down and started to pet Sissy. "I love kittens."

Sissy opened her eyes and rolled to the side. "Reaorrwr eorar." Cat Heart, rub my belly.

Stacy reached down to pet Sissy's stomach and felt the purring, which brought a smile to her face. As she continued, Stacy leaned against the wall and let the purring wash over her, finally starting to purr herself.

Fran cocked her head. "Stacy, is that you?"

Stacy started and said, "What?"

"Are you purring?"


"You are."

Almost embarrassed, Stacy nodded.

"No wonder the kittens get along with you so well."

"I have a connection with cats."

Fran looked down. "I'm still working on the connection thing. Don't get me wrong, the Legion has helped me more than I can say, but it's hard to shed old habits."

"You'll get there," Stacy said, reassuring. "You wouldn't believe how shy I used to be."

"I have a hard time picturing anyone in the Legion as shy."

Stacy laughed at the comment. "The stories I could tell you."

"I'll have to take you up on that some time."

"Can I make a suggestion?"


"Hang around for the costume awards. A lot of people are talking about you."

Fran said, "I can't believe I'm wearing something this short."

"It's the whole effect, including the sparkles when you fly. Stay around?"

Fran sighed but said, "I'll stay around."

Stacy scratched Sissy's stomach a last time and rose. "I'll see you later. Have fun tonight."

"See you," Fran said as Stacy rejoined the party. Petting the cats, she added, "What do you think, guys?"

"Raor meowrr," Bump said, More fish.

"You little brats," Helen Morgendorffer said as she saw each of the kittens leap off the table with another piece of sushi in their mouths.

Her husband Jake said, "What was that, honey?"

"Oh, nothing," Helen said, finding herself smiling. "Just being reminded of two other little girls getting into trouble."

She and Jake were startled when Fran swooped in front of them and hovered. "Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Morgendorffer."

"Hey, that's a great costume!" Jake said.

Helen said, "You look lovely, Fran," Helen said.

Fran blushed at the complement and said, "Thanks."

"It's nice to see you getting out," Helen said. "After all you've been through."

"Daria helped to push me a little."

"That's something I thought I'd never hear."

Curious, Fran asked, "Why?"

"Daria was never the most social girl..."

With the humans occupied, Bump and Sissy made their escape to the stairs. Their hunger satisfied, both started up the stairs to head back home for a well-earned nap.

At the next landing they spotted the Legion Tower's other resident feline, Fluffy. The white longhair gave them a sharp, "Nreow!" Follow me!

At a run, both kittens changed course and followed the older cat all the way down to the ground floor. Once there, Fluffy looked around at the small crowd of guests, some of which were pointing up into the air. "Graor." Gone.

"Maeror noar," Sissy said. What's going on?

Fluffy looked back. "Sirow mneowr gnair me'ar." Chosen Lady and several Legionnaires chased something away.

"Mew?" Bump said. Chased what?

Fluffy shook his head.

"Reoar naar," Bump said. We'll ask around.

Fluffy watched with approval as the two kittens bounced around and talked with some of the numerous small animals and insects attracted by the light, sound and smells of the event. Only a few minutes later, they returned.

Bump said, "Moeor freoar nroraw rnoar rrnar." Chosen Lady, Window Maker, Great Mane, Unscratched One, and another human flew that way.

"Iaroar mewoar traow," Sissy said. Chasing half-eaten human with wings.

Fluffy nodded and decided. "Nreow."

Back up the stairs the three felines ran at top speed until they reached the communication center on the twelfth floor. Fluffy led them through the quiet, darkened room to a console.

There, he jumped onto a seat and with one paw, moved the computer mouse to activate the screen. On it was a map of Lawndale with a group of quickly moving blue icons labeled Polaris, Triad, Ultra, and Lightning Lass. With them was a green icon marked, D. Todds and all of them swirled around a red icon marked, Unknown.

The kittens joined Fluffy on the chair and all three watched with silent intensity as the drama unfolded. Finally, the red icon streaked away from the group at such high speed that the auto-framing of the computer map was barely able to keep up. Partway around the globe, the icon faded and vanished.

"Murow," Fluffy said. We were lucky. He looked around the empty communication center. "Heraow mrrneaor." We need to watch while the humans are busy.

"Wreoawr!" Sissy said. We want to help!

"Meowroar," Fluffy replied. You can.

Excited, Bump said, "Hoawr?" How?

Fluffy nodded. "Maeaor kraowr." Listen carefully.

High upon the roof of the Legion Tower, a black kitten silently walked around on the ledges, keen eyes and sharp ears monitoring the sky and the ground below for anything suspicious.

Through the meandering crowd at the Tower entrance, a tortoiseshell kitten darted to and fro, eyes and ears open, along with the scent of a predator, searching for anything out of place.

In the command center, the lone technician glanced at the white cat watching a monitor and grinned. "Almost like he knows exactly what's going on."

Thanks to Brother Grimace for beta reading. June-July 2011