DARIA III: THE SEARCH FOR JESSE
written by Warpedkjh13
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This fan fiction is a sequel to my first and second Daria fan fictions, Daria's Run and Beavis, Butt-Head and... Upchuck. It is focused on the school fair in which Daria's Run and B,B & U were told. It also features Beavis and Butt-Head.
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SCENE ONE: COTTON CANDY STALL
DARIA: This stuff is way too bright for me. On the other hand, it will rot my teeth.
JANE: That's the good thing... oh look, here's Trent!
TRENT: Hey Janey, hey Daria. Hiya, Tom.
TOM: Hey Trent.
TRENT: I'm bummed.
JANE: Why?
TRENT: Mystik Spiral broke up.
DARIA: Oh, well, I'm sure you'll get back together. Look, here's Max and Nick now!
NICK: I'm sorry.
MAX: Can the band regroup? We have enough material to make an album, like you said.
TRENT: I have to think about this... where's Jesse?
NICK: He isn't coming back.
TRENT: I don't think I can do it without Jesse.
DARIA: Dilemna dilemna.
JANE: Maybe he's in the fair here.
DARIA: Let's go look.
TRENT: Not yet. I'm too tired.
(Trent falls asleep on his feet.)
DARIA: Trent? Trent!
JANE: Don't worry, Daria. He's gone to a better place. Meanwhile, we'll look for Jesse. Let's roll.
(They walk off and a small crowd forms around the sleeping Trent. Some chuckle, and some look shamefully.)
NICK: Hmmm... (gets an idea) Don't worry, folks! He's not sleeping! Pay 10 cents to see the Amazing Sleeping Man! All proceeds go to the Mystik Spiral band.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK 1: Trent falling asleep on his feet.)
SCENE TWO: HIGHLAND STAGE
BGM: DARIA THEME - SPLENDORA
(Daria, Tom, Jane and Max are looking for Jesse.)
DARIA: Jesse!
TOM: Jesse!
JANE: Jesse?
MAX: Jesse? Jesse!
SCENE THREE: SCHOOL OVAL
BGM: CAN'T BUY ME LOVE - THE BEATLES
(In a homage to A Hard Day's Night, Daria, Jane, Tom and Max are running around the fair playfully, knocking people over. They soon fall over themselves and start laughing. Monique walks up to them.)
BGM: BLOCKBUSTER - THE SWEET
MONIQUE: Hey guys.
DARIA: Hey Monique.
JANE: Yo.
MAX: Monique, have you seen Jesse?
MONIQUE: Yeah, he looks pretty angry.
JANE: Where is he?
MONIQUE: He was over near the fortune teller's, talking to three weird guys. They tried to crack on to me... scary. Oh well, got to run. By the way, have you seen Trent?
NICK (far off): Meet Trent Lane, the amazing sleeping man!
MONIQUE: Oh God. Not this. See you.
DARIA: See you.
JANE: To the fortune teller stall!
(They run off in an homage to Batman. There are a lot of homages in this, don't you think?)
SCENE FOUR: FORTUNE TELLER STALL
ANDREA: And then, after you destroy the Death Star, you shall meet up with Princess Monique and be awarded a medal of honour.
JESSE: Cool.
JANE: Jesse!
JESSE: Oh, hi, Jane.
DARIA: You have to wake Trent up.
BUTT-HEAD: Diarrhea! Heh heh.
BEAVIS: Heh heh.
DARIA: Oh God.
JANE: Let me handle this. Hiya!
(Jane trips Butt-Head over and pulls his arm behind his back.)
BEAVIS: Heh heh. You got ass whipped by a girl.
BUTT-HEAD: Shut up, bungho-ow! Knock it off!
BEAVIS: Diarrhea! Heh heh.
(Daria takes Beavis down, digs a hole in the dirt and squeezes Beavis's head into it.)
BUTT-HEAD: Heh heh. Bunghole. Heh heh.
(Daria squeezes Butt-Head's head into the last of the hole.)
BUTT-HEAD: Whoa! Heh heh! A worm!
BEAVIS: Do you think I could like... eat one?
BUTT-HEAD: Heh heh. Yeah. Heh heh.
(Upchuck walks up.)
UPCHUCK: Here's your Cokes fellers-whoa!
(Upchuck pulls their heads out of the holes.)
BEAVIS: Mmm. Heh heh. That worm was tasty.
BUTT-HEAD: You asswipe.
(Beavis grabs his Coke and drinks it in one swallow. He pulls his T-shirt over his head and becomes Cornholio.)
BEAVIS: I am the great Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole.
UPCHUCK: He hasn't gotten over that yet?
COMMERCIAL BREAK 2: Jane shoving Beavis's head into the hole.
SCENE FIVE: SCHOOL OVAL
BGM: GENERATION LANDSLIDE - ALICE COOPER
JESSE: Okay, I'll talk to him, but I don't see what difference it'll make.
MONIQUE: Jesse! Come look at this!
NICK: Meet Trent! The great sleeping man.
TOM: Oh my God.
DARIA: Why must stuff like this always happen?
JANE: Nick! What are you doing?
NICK: Gotta raise money for the Mystik Spiral reunion concert.
MONIQUE: How shameless can you get?
NICK: Alright, I'll wake him up. Trent!
JESSE: Trent!
JANE: It's impossible... Wait! I know how.
(They gather in a huddle. Jane sneaks over and grabs Ms. Li's microphone.)
JANE (over speakers): Trent! You broke a guitar string!
TRENT (waking up): No!
CROWD: Awww!
JANE: Works without fail.
TRENT: Huh... (spots Jesse) Hey, man.
JESSE: Trent, I'm not rejoining the band until you give me that shirt.
TRENT: Okay, I'll give it to you tomorrow. But right now, I have to get a new guitar string.
JANE: Although there are some inevitable side effects.
BUTT-HEAD: You like... heh heh... totally kicked our asses.
BEAVIS: Yeah. You like kicked Butt-Head's ass.
BUTT-HEAD: Shut up, bunghole!
MS. LI: You are Trent Lane, correct? The singer?
TRENT: Uh... yeah.
MS. LI: We have an act performed by a school from somewhere near New York. I want you to open for them.
JESSE: Cool.
NICK: Let's do it.
MS. LI: Here's the stage.
(They get up on the stage. They belt out a rendition of The Who's Won't Get Fooled Again.)
TRENT: Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss. Yeah! We're Mystik Spiral. We'll be working on an album soon.
MS. LI: Well done Mystik Spirograph.
TRENT: Spiral.
MS. LI: And now, the musical talent of P.S. 118, from somewhere near New York.
(There is a very feeble clap from the audience. The characters from Hey Arnold start singing a poor rendition of the Daria theme.)
HELGA: Criminy! This song sucks big time.
GERALD: Where are we anyway?
ARNOLD: I don't know and I don't want to know.
DARIA: Strange little kids.
JANE: They sort of look like the people in my painting "People With Misshaped Heads".
ARNOLD: Hey, look at all the girls out there. (looks at Brittany) Look at the blonde!
GERALD (focusing on Jodie): I've found my share of the action.
(Helga turns red.)
ARNOLD (spots Kevin): Aww.
GERALD (spots Mack): Aww.
DARIA: This is going to be a long day.
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THE END
END CREDITS MUSIC: The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again
ALTER EGOS
Trent - Bearded Girl
Jane - Van Gogh (bandaged ear)
Beavis - Cow
Butt-Head - Pig
Arnold - Kevin holding his head, like a football
Gerald - Cornholio
Helga - Brittany
Upchuck - Cupid
Daria - Axe Murderer
Daria Logo
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NOTES:
This is the third in my five part series on the Lawndale School Fair. The reason why they have the fair is going to be revealed in the last part. I tried to stay pretty faithful to the characters, and I like the idea of a Hey Arnold crossover, although this is not the first. Email me and tell me what you think, JUST DON'T THREATEN ME! Please, don't sue, MTV!!!
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2001 Warpedkjh
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