Lawndaleís Most Unwanted
By Lourdes M Cabrera
It is the morning of the first day of the fall semester and the beginning of the senior year for both Daria and Jane. Daria is kind of depressed because over the summer Trent has been dating this other girl that he met at one of his concerts, which confirms more and more that to Trent she is nothing more than his friend and his sister, Janeís best friend, to make matters worse even Jane has a new boyfriend, this only makes Daria feel a greater sense of loneliness since she had never really dated before, and is sick of seeing Quinn always remind her of what she doesnít have, a boyfriend. This year there may be some very significant changes for Daria when a new mystery man comes into her life.
Jane: Cheer up Daria, you have been moping around ever since Trent has started seeing Claire. Iím sure you will probably meet a really great guy soon and youíll forget about Trent, soon after you will both realize that you are with the wrong people and your relationship with Trent will go back to what it has always been, with you speechless as usual and he will continue to be oblivious.
Daria: What makes you think this year will be any different from last year here at Lawndale high. I still see the same people and they still ignore me as always. Look thereís Quinn surrounded by the Fashion Club and her three J fan club. At least youíre lucky enough to have Tom.
At that moment there comes a very handsome English guy (by handsome I mean he makes Brad Pitt look ordinary by comparison)he has dark blond hair, blue eyes, straight white teeth, he is six one, muscular build, and classic facial features, he is driving a Jaguar Convertible in classic Jade, his clothing looks like it came out of GQ Magazine, he is seventeen, is part of the senior class and he is an honor student. As his car enters the student parking lot Quinn and the rest of the Fashion Club head his direction to make sure that they are noticed before he gets a chance to meet any other girl. Even Daria canít deny that he is gorgeous, but then she thinks ďWhy do I even bother Iím not only out of his league but even in my fantasies I see him totally ignoring me and then asking Quinn out.Ē
Jane: Daria do you see something you like?
Daria: I was just looking at that sports car, I might save up to get one like it.
Jane: I guess the money you made at the nut stand should give you enough for a down payment. Why the sudden interest in sports cars?
Daria: Just kick the concrete out from underneath me, okay?
Jane: Come on Daria, admit it, you find that new guy cute.
Daria: Yeah Jane, just one more thing I canít have.
Jane: Daria, heís new thereís always a chance he may like you.
Daria: What planet are you from? Weíre out of his league.
Jane: Speak for yourself.
It is the last period of the day, which is Daria and Janeís math class , pre trigonometry and for some strange reason Kevin is also in that class ( It pays to be the QB, you donít even have to know how to count to a hundred and you can still take pre trigonometry and get a C. Due to Brittanyís complaints he decided not to wear is football jersey all the time so he is dressed in a pair of jeans, a polo tee shirt and a pair of Nikes.). The regular teacher could not come for the first day and they could not get a substitute on such short notice so they decide to use the best student from the honor math class which is trigonometry and statistics. The name of this student is Chad Carrington, who also happens to be the very handsome English guy with the Jaguar Convertible.
Ms. Li: Miss Bennet was unable to make it today, because her husband had to be hospitalized suddenly.
Daria: (Thinking) I guess he saw one chart too many and finally lost his mind.
Ms. Li: Your substitute teacher will be Chad Carrington who happens to be an honor student from one of the most prestigious schools in England. So pay attention and work hard and you all will be of to a good start this year.
Jane: (Thinking) I wonder if he has a personality to match his looks.
Daria: (Thinking) Great, a brain with looks, now I can celebrate the total demise of my self esteem . Who ever said life was fair?
Chad: Hello class, we will begin todayís lesson with some basic algebra. I will put the first equation on the board and I will have you answer it Kevin. ( writes positive 20 minus a negative 40)
Kevin: (He is scratching his head and looking blankly at he black board, then decides to speak) Okay so it is twenty minus forty, you know what you got your numbers mixed up because it should be forty minus twenty.
Chad: This is basic algebra Kevin not basic math.
Kevin: I donít get it.
Chad: I believe you might be in sports, am I right.
Kevin: Yeah Iím the QB. That means quarter back.
Chad: You are a football player then. Okay lets pretend the black board is the playing field and the left side of the field is where the opposing team will be and that will range from a negative ten to a negative one hundred and the right side of the field is where the home team is playing it will range from ten to one hundred.
Kevin: You donít have to explain this to me I already know how to play football, what I donít know is math.
Chad: (Thinking) He doesnít know how to think either. (To Kevin) I Ďm using the football field as an example to show you how to do this math problem. Anyway lets say you are on the negative side of the field and you are standing on negative forty.
Kevin: I canít walk on walls.
Chad: Imagine the black board is a field and you are standing on negative forty and you have to get the ball to the to the player who is on negative twenty. How many yards will you run?
Kevin: Thatís easy I will have to run twenty yards, to where my team mate is which would be negative twenty.
Chad: Now try the problem.
Kevin: Then 20 minus forty would be negative twenty.
Chad: Very good Kevin, you answered it correctly.
Kevin: Thanks maybe now I wonít only be good at football, not that I want to be a brain or anything.
Chad: Kevin believe me, you have nothing to worry about, your brain is the least obvious of all your body parts.
Daria: (Thinking) Thatís assuming he has one.
Chad (Walks over to Daria) Daria how about coming to the board and answering question two.
Daria: (Walks up to the board and answers the question perfectly) I guess thatís it.
Daria: (She smiles then remembers heís out of her league.) Jane Iím kind of surprised heís humble despite all his virtues. Maybe heís not shallow as well.
Jane: What happened to Iím out of his league? I wouldnít get my hopes up if I were you.
Daria: I can dream, then again everyone in my fantasies are idiots as well. Your right.
Chad: (Thinking about Daria) Finally someone I can have an intelligent conversation with. Dream on Chad, sheís too cool for you.
Chad couldnít help but remember about his life, a year earlier when he came from the school he loved back in England to live in Lawndale where he attended one of Lawndaleís best private schools, which is Cherry Grove, At Cherry Grove Chad started out as one of the popular kids because of his style of dress and his car, things that he found of no value and he felt that people who liked you only because you had these things were shallow and he wasnít interested in being their friend. Despite his popularity he became friends with the schoolís biggest outcast, a boy named Peter who was also an honor student, being Peterís friend also made Chad an outcast, but Chad didnít care when it came to his friends he preferred quality over quantity, and although Peter still hangs out with Chad occasionally he now lives in another state which for Chad means to be alone again or as he calls it to be ďLawndaleís Most UnwantedĒ. Despite his good looks Chad had never dated before, he had many friends in his school back in England but no girlfriend. Itís just that Chad has low self esteem, mainly because of his ego maniacal fashion magazine editor mother who always made Chad feel worthless. She always told him, he wasnít good enough because he wasnít constantly updating his wardrobe to her standards, she also did not like the idea of having a brain for a son with a 220 IQ. Being smart was very highly regarded in his school back in England, but in a public high school in Lawndale being smart is considered the worse social decease anyone could have, but this did not matter to Chad although it made him an outcast. Now the time has come when Chad would soon meet his match, Daria.
At the pizza place where they usually hang out Jane and Daria are seated at their usual table with a slice of pizza and a drink in front of each of them.
Jane: Earth to Daria, you are in a daze. Donít tell me you are still thinking about that guy. You know better than to waste your time on impossible dreams.
Daria: Jane I canít help it, I guess Iím kind of attracted to him. You know what really makes my blood boil Jane. The fact that probably by the end of this week Chad will be over at my house to pick up Quinn to go on a date. I guess my life is just one humiliation after another.
Jane: Daria what makes you so sure he would want to date Quinn. Heís very intelligent. I think he may just be able to overcome Quinn.
Daria: Quinn has a way of making even the wisest of the wise into total idiots and I figure Chad is no exception to the rule.
While Daria and Jane are eating pizza ďIt Only Rock And RollĒ by the Rolling Stones is playing on the radio.
Radio: I know its only Rock and Roll but I like it.
Daria: I know this song is really old and I donít like it.
Jane: I guess you donít like Classic Rock very much.
Daria: To me some Classic Rock songs are just an excuse that some nostalgia buffs have to keep playing old, out of date songs on the radio. On the other hand, I have to admit people still wrote original songs in those days, not like today when lazy musicians take perfectly good songs, talk over the lyrics and claim it was theirs. I still listen to the Beatles their music is timeless.
At that moment Chad walks into the pizza parlor by himself carrying his back pack and a copy of Kurt Vonnegutís book Welcome To The Monkey House which is a collection of short stories by Kurt Vonnegut. He sits in the booth behind Daria and Jane and orders a whole cheese pizza.
Daria: Havenít I been tortured enough. Why does he keep appearing everywhere I go? Iím sick of being reminded of what I canít have.
Jane: Chad may be dreamy, but isnít it strange that he is usually alone most of the time.
Daria: Heís new in town he probably has not had time to make friends with anyone.
Jane: Then if that is so, how do you explain Quinn, who when arriving to Lawndale High suddenly became the popular girl.
Daria: Chadís an honor student which means heís probably more selective about the friends he chooses than Quinn is.
Jane: Speaking of Quinn, despite the fact that her and her fashion friends have been trying to get a little closer to Chad, he hasnít asked her out yet.
Daria: Maybe he has a girlfriend in England, maybe thatís why heís alone most of the time. Jane do you think you could get a closer look at what heís reading, I want to know what kind of books he likes so I can go to the library and check them out.
Jane: I canít see from where Iím sitting.
Daria: Let me try with this compact mirror Quinn gave me when she tried to get me to accept one of her famous makeovers.
Meanwhile Chad is thinking.
Chad: (Thinking) I canít believe I had the nerve to follow her all the way to her after school hang out. Now that Iím here Iím too scared to walk up to her and let her know that I would like get to know her better, and maybe go out sometime. Iím afraid I will get nervous and sound like a idiot.
At that moment Kevin and Brittany walk in to the pizza parlor and go to Chadís table.
Brittany: Hi Chad, I was wondering if you would like to go to my party Saturday. I hope you bring your Jag.
Chad: Are you inviting me or my Jag?
Meanwhile Daria and Jane are listening and are curious about the outcome of Kevin and Brittanyís chat with Chad.
Jane: It looks like this is going to be interesting.
Daria: Tell me about, lets see how he deals with Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee.
Close up of Brittany, Kevin and Chadís conversation
Brittany: Chad Iím inviting you of course.
Chad: Iím glad to hear that because when I go to parties I usually like to arrive in my jalopy.
Brittany: You will dress nice though.
Chad: Actually I wanted to try out these new commando pants I bought at the Army-Navy Store.
Brittany: Eek! you know what, I donít think I will be having a party this Saturday, its just that I need to get something, if I could only remember what it is.
Chad: You can begin by getting some tact.
Daria: (Thinking) Heís even good at sarcasm. I think Iím in love.
Brittany: Why are you being so mean, I was only inviting you to my party to thank you for what you did for my Kevy this morning. It was so nice of you to help him with his math. Then maybe youíre not so nice after all.
Chad: You were inviting me to your party as some sort of pay back not because you want to be my friend.
Brittany: I donít see the problem, I do it all the time, I even invited Daria to one of my parties because she helped me in art class.
Chad: Brittany for your information you should invite people to your parties because you like and care about them not because youíre throwing them a crumb for some favor that they did for you at school. People have feelings, they are not servants who you pay back by granting them the favor of your company.
Kevin: Hey! thatís my girlfriend youíre talking to, how about showing more respect. Iím the QB.
Chad: Yes you really are quite barbaric.
Kevin: So now you are trying to talk nicely to me. Come on Brittany lets go.
Brittany: I should know better than to trust a brain. Lets go Kevy, we can have our own party.
Chad then sits in his booth looking very depressed, now that he realizes that the students at Lawndale are not that different from the ones at Cherry Grove. While Chad is deep in his thoughts Daria and Jane comment on what just happened.
Jane: Kevin and Brittany had it coming to them and we were here to witness it. Iím going home happy tonight.
Daria: On the other hand I am even more frustrated.
Daria: Every time he opens his mouth he always says the right thing, which makes him only more and more attractive to me. I wish he wasnít so perfect, that way I could stop feeling so attracted to him. Why couldnít he just act like a jerk? That way I could just forget about him.
Jane: Daria didnít you notice that when Brittany mentioned inviting you to her party as an exchange for a favor you did for her, he got especially mad. He cares about how they treat you. Maybe he wants to be your friend.
Daria: Just because he treats other human beings decently doesnít necessarily mean he would want to go out with me. Even in the movies Louis Lane never got to stay with Superman.
At that moment Chad gets the pizza he ordered and decides to go to Daria and Janeís table to see if they want to share it with him.
Chad: Hello, this pizza a bit too much for me, would you like to help me eat it and maybe we can talk for a while.
Daria: (Thinking) When is he going to stop torturing me. (To Chad) Yeah sure.
Jane: Come join us, the more the merrier. Although I doubt we will be able to finish of that pizza.
Chad: Weíll take whatever is left over and pretend itís a Frisbee. I guess you couldnít help but overhear my little chat with Kevin and Brittany.
Jane: The nerve of them trying to invite you to her party in exchange for helping Kevin this morning.
Chad: I donít get it, I was just doing my job. What really bothers me is that they think that spending time with them is like some big prize. It is times like theses when I really miss my old school in England.
Jane: Anyone special you left behind in merry old England.
Chad: No I donít have a girlfriend here or in England if thatís what youíre wondering. Iím kind of going solo these days.
Daria (Thinking) I am going to dump whatever is left over from that pizza on Janeís head if she doesnít stop asking such embarrassing questions. Then again it is kind of nice to know that he doesnít have a girlfriend. On the other hand that only makes it easier for Quinn to date him.
At that moment Chad gets a call from his butler on his cellular phone asking him to go home in a hurry.
Chad: Sorry girls, I guess I have to go now, see you at school.
Jane: Good-bye Chad see you around.
Daria: Bye, see you.
Chad picks up his Kurt Vonnegut book and back pack and leaves the pizza parlor.
Jane: I donít understand Daria, first you are frustrated because you think Chad would not give us the time of day, then when he finally decides to have a friendly conversation with us, you clam up. Open up, guys have insecurities to.
Daria: I know what you mean but I canít help it, I get so nervous when Iím around a guy I like.
Jane: Yeah, I remember how you would always clam up around Trent to. You will have to deal with Chad though, since we all go to the same school.
Daria: Why did you ask him if he had a special someone in England?
Jane: I was just trying to do you a favor, to remove all doubts. Now we know that you do have a definite possibility of dating Chad.
Daria: What makes you think he wants to go out with me.
Jane: I believe he followed us here and he was using the pizza as a way to get to know us better.
Daria: I guess the best way to get to a girlís heart is through pizza. They should include that in all the dating manuals. All I know is that Iím very confused and Iím not very sure where I stand with Chad. As far as dating him goes I wouldnít bet on it until he actually does ask me out.
Jane: Lets just say tomorrow is a brand new day and today was very interesting.
Daria and Jane are at their first period class which is music appreciation and they donít know it yet but Chad is also in this class and he agreed with the teacher earlier to play and to sing three songs about love, growing up and teenage life at the dawn of the new millennium for an extra credit assignment. The songs are Chicagoís ďJust You MeĒ Supertrampís ďThe Logical SongĒ and ďLife On The Fast LaneĒ by the Eagles. (Let us not forget Daria is not crazy about all classic rock songs. Will Chad change her mind?) He also brought a special guest, his friend, Peter Sullivan from Cherry Grove who will be helping him play these three songs live to the students of Lawndale High's Music Appreciation Class.
Chad: (Singing the last verse of ďLife On The Fast LaneĒ) ďDoctor says heís coming but you got to pay him cash.Ē
Daria: (Thinking) Things havenít change that much since the seventies.
Chad: Now I will sing ďThe Logical SongĒ by Supertramp.
Kevin: You mean a tramp wrote that song.
Chad: No Mr. QB, Supertramp is a pop group that was very popular in the late seventies. Anyway this song expresses how I feel about growing up. ďWhen I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful, A miracle. Oh it was beautiful, magical, and all the birds in the trees, well theyíd be singing so happily, joyfully, playfully, watching me. But then they sent me away to teach me how to be sensible, logical, responsible, practical, and they showed me a world where I could be so dependable, clinical, intellectual, cynical. There are times when all the worldís asleep, the questions run too deep for such a simple man.
Daria (Thinking) Thatís weird I feel that way sometimes. Great, maybe he can even read my mind.
Chad: For my final song I will sing ďJust You And MeĒ a love song written by Chicago back in 1973. ďYou are my love and my life. You are my inspiration. Just you and me, simple and free. Baby youíre everything I ever dreamed of. Give me your own special smile, promise youíll never leave me. Just you and me simple and free. Life is so easy when youíre beside me. Oh girl, come hold me close never release me, oh baby donít release me. Open your arms let my love in. Let me in, let me in. Love me tonight, love me forever and ever. You know I canít forget you.Ē
Daria: (Thinking) Even though itís classic rock I really like it, itís one of the best love songs Iíve ever heard. God I wish he would stop torturing me this way.
Chad finishes his songs and the class leaves to go to the next period, except for Chad who stays with Peter to pick up their instruments. Ms. Li sees Daria and Jane and asks them if they could get something from the closet in the music room. When Daria and Jane walk in Chad and Peter do not notice them so they start conversing with each other since they think there is no one else in the room with them. Daria and Jane do what comes naturally which is to stay in the closet and eavesdrop on Chad and Peter.
Peter: Chad how do you like your new school.
Chad: As a school theyíre OK, as a student body they are so so, but as individuals most of them suck.
Peter: Chad, maybe you should try to be less critical of others.
Chad: Actually I was just being honest, I guess Iím just Lawndales most unwanted. Pete I just want to thank you for helping me out today. I wish you didnít live so far away.
Peter: You know I got to get back to my new town, I do look forward to seeing Jenifer again.
Chad: You are so lucky to have her Pete. I on the other hand have a feeling I may be going solo for yet another year.
Daria (Thinking) I wish I could tell him how I feel, let him know that he doesnít have to be alone.
Peter: Anyone would think that a guy like you would have at least half a dozen girls trying to get his attention. Lets face it you have the looks and the right car.
Chad: I donít want a girl who wants me just on the basis of physical appearance, the car I drive or anything else that would be considered superficial. In fact this girl invited me to her party, then she changed her mind when I told her I was bringing my jalopy and was planning on wearing my commando pants. Its just that I want someone who wants me for myself, besides I donít think Iím that great looking anyway.
Peter: You suffer from the worst combination.
Chad: What do you mean?
Peter: You are not only smart, but you are also very sensitive as well. Besides you donít even have a jalopy.
Chad: There is this one girl, I like. She is really smart and knows how to stand up to some of the so called cool people. I followed her and her friend to the pizza parlor yesterday and when I finally got to talk to her and her friend, Oliver had to call, its just that my stupid cat got into the air vent again so I had to leave. She was part of our audience today.
Jane: Daria see I told you he followed us to the pizza parlor yesterday.
Daria: Jane be quite, Iím trying to eavesdrop here.
Peter: What is her name?
Chad: Her name is Daria.
Jane: Its looks like your love life will be improving really fast.
Daria: Ok why do you always have to be right.
Peter: Do you find Daria attractive?
Chad: Yes very attractive, she also has a lot of style and she is so cool. I get so nervous whenever Iím around her, she also doesnít talk very much when Iím around which makes it hard to break the ice.
Jane: See Daria, I told you guys have insecurities to.
Peter: Chad, its like you have everything that anyone could envy, and yet you are screwed up anyway.
Chad: I guess the world is my oyster but I canít seem to open it.
Peter: Maybe with Dariaís help you can both get that oyster open together.
Daria (Thinking) I wouldnít count on it.
Chad: If we canít get it open we can pretend its a Frisbee and play catch with it.
Peter: No matter what I say you always make a sarcastic remark, is there anything I can do to make you feel better.
Chad: Yes there is. Please donít buy this monthís issue of GG Magazine because that is where my photo spread is being featured. Iím hoping they will sell the least issues possible that way GG doesnít find using me as a model very feasible.. (note: GG stands for Gorgeous Guys)
Daria: Jane we are going to the news stand after school to check out GG Magazine I must see that photo spread.
Peter: I guess you are still sore at your mother for making you model last summer. On the other hand Iím sure you didnít have too much trouble accepting that Jag she gave you.
Chad: The only reason she gave me a Jag is because the thought of her son driving a more modest car would severely damage her ego, pride and vanity.
Peter: I guess you were a dutiful son who wanted to please his mom.
Chad: Ok so Iím not perfect. I still wouldnít mind having a Honda or a Ford at least with those cars I would know who my real friends are.
Peter: Didnít your mother give you a Jag because you asked for one.
Chad: I never asked for a car. I was planning on buying a Honda CRX or any other non pretentious car, then my mother learned of my car buying plans from my father, and rushed to get me the Jag.
Peter: What was your reaction?
Chad: I told her, ďWell mom you got me a car that finally lives up to your vain standardsĒ.
Peter: What did she say?
Chad: ďGee Chad you are an ungrateful son, I was only looking out for your best interest.Ē Then I told her ďFor your vanity as wellĒ
Peter: Why do you have to be such a martyr to principle you are a teenage boy not Ghandi.
Chad: He never drove a Jag.
Peter: Enough about the Jag. Does this Daria like any other guy?
Chad: I know she does have crush on her best friendís brother, he has a band called Mystik Spiral.
Peter: Mystic Spiral, you know that sounds like one of those Doors cover bands that play at brew pubs. Are they any good?
Chad: They have a nice sound, the leader of the band, and the guy Daria has a crush on, Trent writes his own material, who knows maybe theyíll be the next Pearl Jam. Then again he probably doesnít have a job, still lives with his parents and sleeps all day, which makes him a pretty cool guy, how can I compete with that. Sheís cool and I donít blame her for wanting a cool guy. The problem is I donít think Iím very cool myself.
Daria (Thinking) I donít mind lowering my standards. Wait a minute my standards are not that high to begin with.
Peter: Chad what you need is more confidence and you are cool really cool. Not to mention a great friend and one hell of a musician. More importantly you have integrity and Iím sure you will treat any girl you date like a princess.
Chad: Of course I will treat her right. Who knows maybe Iím not the guy of her dreams but I may be the guy who can make some of her dreams come true.
Daria (Thinking) I agree, you can start by going out with me on Friday night. Bring me a dozen roses, maybe we can go to Chez Pierre. Oh no Iím starting to think like Quinn.
Jane: How does Chad know about Trent and how does he know that you like him.
Peter: How did you learn of this Trent.
Chad: I overheard Daria and her friend talking in the hallway on the way to my chemistry class. Thatís how I knew they were going to be at the pizza parlor after school. That evening I went to one of Mystik Spiralís gigs at The Zen.
Peter: How did you manage to keep yourself incognito?
Chad: I wore a black cap, dark glasses, a fake mustache and a fake cast.
Peter: I can just imagine that scene. Lets see; first we have Daria looking up at the stage admiring our dear Trent, then there you are in the background all alone wearing your sunglasses at night, wishing you could be with Daria. Just like in that eighties song. How sweet.
Chad: Now lets turn the knife counter clockwise. Besides the song I kept hearing in my head was ďSheís So HighĒ. You know what if you were my analyst Iíd stop going to you by now.
Peter: If that is so why do you always call me first when you have a problem.
Chad: Ok, you got me there. I just wish you werenít right about everything, including my relationships.
Peter: Or lack of relationships.
Jane: I knew that guy with the cast looked familiar.
Daria: I saw him to. I had a feeling I knew him from somewhere. Oh no we have been in this closet for twenty minute, we missed half our English class.
Jane: At least we learned something today.
Daria: Youíre right, guys are a priority. Oh no! Iím starting to sound like Quinn. If I start to think and act like Quinn. Jane do the right thing and put me out of my misery.
Daria and Jane hurry to at least make it to the last part of their English class. Chad and Peter go to Chadís Van to store their instruments. Chad then goes to his Chemistry class.
While walking to English Class Jane and Daria comment on Chadís conversation with Peter.
Jane: Weíre you actually admiring Trent from the audience as Peter puts it.
Daria: You wouldnít get mad if I told you that while I was at The Zen I wasnít only thinking about Trent, I was thinking about Chad as well and what happened at the pizza place. I canít get him out of my mind.
Jane: Daria, how could I not understand you. Trent has been dating Claire and that gives you the right to find someone else to go out with. Besides I think Chad is really very right for you. Listening to him talk to his friend today made me realize how much you and Chad have in common.
Daria: So you think we have a lot in common?
Jane: Come on, when I listen to Chad it is almost like listening to many of the things you say. Heís deep, doesnít like superficiality, he is very humble and from what I can see he knows how to be a true friend.
Daria: Thanks Jane. Youíre also a great friend as well.
Later that day Chad is unknowingly standing in front of Dariaís locker.
Daria: Excuse me Chad, but youíre in front of my locker and I need to get my books for my next class.
Chad: Sorry for blocking your locker. By the way I was wondering.
At that moment Ms. Li tells Daria that her mother wants her on the phone. So she goes to Ms Liís office feeling really frustrated.
Daria: Hi mom, what do you need?
Helen: Daria, I will be out of town on business and your father is also out of town, therefore you will all be eating out for the next few days and I just want to let you know that I have left you money on your dresser. You took a while to get to the phone, were you doing anything important right now?
Daria: I was talking to this very good looking guy over at my locker and he was almost going to ask me out when you called.
Helen: Oh Daria, I wish you were not so sarcastic all the time.
Daria: You know mom you would have never had said that if Quinn told you that a cute guy was asking her out. No not pretty little Quinn who is always a hit with every boy she meets. You just failed parenting 101 for the second time.
Helen: Daria I didnít mean anything by that, its just that to you life is one big sarcastic remark after another. Believe me I donít think guys only ask Quinn out. What is his name?
Daria: Never mind Mom, Good-bye.
Daria leave the phone with tears in her eyes and a great deal of anger.
Daria: (Thinking) Why canít everyone be like Chad. Why canít other people find me cool and attractive.
Jane: Daria, Chad had to go somewhere. Are you ok?
Daria: Did he say where he was going?
Jane: No he didnít but he said he will talk to you later.
Daria: Great, maybe he changed his mind and decided he wasnít interested in me after all.
Jane: I seriously doubt that. Donít you remember his conversation with his friend.
Daria: Itís just that mom really hurt my feelings today.
Jane: What did she say or what did she not say?
Daria: When she asked me what I was doing now, I told her that I was being asked out by this very good looking guy over at my locker. Thatís when she told me to stop being so sarcastic. She wouldnít have said that if Quinn had told her the same news.
Jane: I think she just thought that you were being what you usually are and that is sarcastic.
Daria: You could also add normally unpopular with guys. I should have known my sarcasm would one day backfire on me.
Jane: I think he really likes you, heís just shy. You have been crying, am I right.
Daria: Yes I have. I feel like I got a glimpse of heaven and then have been thrown back into the frustrating reality that is my life. I want to see where Chad normally goes for lunch. Maybe I can talk to him then. I really need to resolve this.
Jane and Daria look everywhere for Chad and could not find him. While they search Chad is preparing a note to put in Dariaís locker inviting her and Jane to have lunch with him the next day. With his note he includes the menus from three exclusive pizzeriaís and a Stardust menu with a large variety of drinks for Daria and Jane to choose from, he also includes his phone number so they can let him know what they want for lunch. He perfumes the note with his cologne which is One by Calvin Kline. He slips the note in her locker. He also scotch tapes a rose to her locker.
Daria: Itís like he vanished suddenly, I should have known that all this was too good to be true.
Jane: We wonít know for sure until we talk to him again.
At that moment Daria finds a rose taped to her locker and thereís a big smile on her face then she opens her locker and she finds the note Chad left her. She can smell the cologne a mile away.
Daria: Today is full of surprises, look an envelope with more cologne than in the bottle. I wonder who its from?
Jane: Hurry it up! Open it! I have to know who its from. I bet its from Chad.
Daria opens the note and it says Dear Daria, I was going to ask you out earlier when we were talking by your locker, since I didnít get the chance, I was wondering if you would like to join me for lunch tomorrow. I will make it my treat. I know you and your friend Jane like pizza so I included menus from three of the best pizzerias in Lawndale, I also included a Stardust coffee menu so you can order any beverage you want. Here is my number so you can call me tonight with your order, my phone number is 789-3476. I will take your order, give it to my butler Oliver and he will bring us our lunch. I would like to dine Al Fresco so please meet me for lunch at the yard outside the front of the school, that is where I usually have lunch. I would have told you all this personally but itís just that I have to leave school early to pick my father up from the airport. Please call me, that way we can talk.. Sincerely yours, Chad Carrington.
Jane: What a beautiful rose. Why donít you show it to Quinn. In fact hereís your chance. She is coming this way with the fashion club. Make her suffer.
Daria: You know what, now that I have the opportunity to make Quinn suffer, I donít really feel like doing it. Iím too happy and I donít want to ruin the moment with an argument with Quinn.
Jane: Just because now you have a boyfriend, that doesnít mean you have to soften up. He likes the fact that you stand up to the really stuck up people and Quinn is the most stuck up of them all.
Daria: I know, but even if I did show it to her, she wouldnít believe me. I think I will have greater satisfaction when he comes to pick me up at my house. Then again who cares about revenge. I might date this year and I feel really good. Today has been emotional roller coaster ride to say the least.
While Daria and Jane are at Mr. DeMartinoís Social Studies class. Daria is hardly listening and her thoughts are only of Chad as she writes Chad's name over and over again on her binder. She even writes Chad and Daria with a little heart around it.
Daria (Thinking) I better pay attention before I get into trouble. Now I now I know why Quinn is so dumb. Guys really do take up a lot of brain power.
Mr. DeMartino: Daria, tell me the name of the last battle that Napoleon fought in and was finally defeated.
Daria: Yes, what was the question.
Mr. DeMartino: The question was what was the name of the last battle Napoleon fought in and was finally defeated.
Daria: Waterloo like the Abba song. OOPS did I say that.
Mr. DeMartino: Even though the answer is correct you will need more than Abba songs to pass tomorrowís test.
Daria: Sorry, Iím not quite myself today.
Kevin: Daria, does this mean youíre not a brain anymore. By the way what was the name of that Abba song, I may need to know it for the test tomorrow.
Daria: Just read the chapter Kevin, and my brain is just on hiatus for the day, it will be back full force tomorrow, I hope.
It is the late afternoon and Daria is over at Janeís house, they are looking a Chad photo spread in GG Magazine.
Jane: You canít deny that he does look good in his photo spread in GG Magazine. Donít you think this would be a good time to call him with our pizza order for tomorrow.
Daria: I want to call him, but I donít have the nerve, Jane.
Jane: Ok I will call him and Iíll tell him you suddenly have laryngitis. Come on Daria, if you want to get a little closer to Chad you are going to have to call him. Hereís the number.
Daria Then dial Chadís number, feeling more and more nervous with every number she presses. She then stands there breathless as the phone rings. Then after two rings Chad answers the phone.
Chad: Hello, itís Chad Carrington.
Daria: Hi itís me, Daria, Iím calling with the pizza order for Jane and me.
Chad: So you decided to join me for lunch tomorrow. Thatís great! So what will you be having?
Daria: Jane and I would like a pepperoni pizza, and two cokes.
Chad: Two cokes, so you donít want a latte or a frappucino, Stardust only serves the best coffee beverages around.
Daria: Thatís ok, two cokes will be fine.
Chad: So how are you doing tonight?
Daria: Iím ok.
Chad: So let me guess, you are calling me from your friend, Janeís house. Am I right.
Daria: Yes you are right. How did you guess that?
Chad: I figured you and your friend Jane were kind of partners in crime and I guess that would include any new people in your lives.
Daria: Its just that at my house it is sometimes difficult to use the phone with my sister Quinn on it all the time.
Chad: Your sister wouldnít happen to be Quinn Morgendorffer would it? Its just that she introduced herself to me the moment I parked my car in the parking lot the first day of school, and when I asked if she had any brothers or sister she told me she was an only child.
Daria: Well yes Quinn Morgendorffer is my sister and this isnít going to be easy on my self esteem but let me explain Quinnís reason for telling you that.
Chad: Before you begin to explain Quinnís reason for telling me that, let me tell you a little about myself. I assure you will feel much better when I tell you about my dear brother, Vincent.
Daria: So you have a brother, very well tell me about your dear brother, Vincent.
Chad: My brother Vincent is two years older than me and a lot better looking than I am.
Daria: Excuse me, you have a brother that is even better looking than you. Does your family use a geneticist?
Chad: No my family doesnít. Its just that until a year ago, I was only five foot one, had very thick glasses was as thin as a rail, and lets not forget I was always a brain. Believe me I wasnít much to look. Anyhow my brother was always good looking since almost the day he was born and well having a brother like me was not that great for his image so what he would do is when he told his friends I was his brother he would always say that I came from the shallow end of the gene pool which I found very insulting considering he is one of the dumbest people on this planet. I used to think he was the dumbest person until I met Kevin and Brittany. I remember one time talking to one of my motherís employees about Surrealism and my brother thought we were talking about what we were having for dinner that night.
Daria: Are you making all this up because you feel sorry for me, because from what I can see you are six foot one, you donít wear glasses and you are very muscular. You must have made quite a transformation, to look the way you do today. Iím sorry but I find your story a bit hard to believe, people donít just become model material overnight. Besides I donít need any of your pity, I can handle my stuck up sister very well myself, thank you.
Chad: Daria please donít get mad, Iím not telling you this out of pity. What Iím telling you is the truth, the painful truth about myself, about my life and the acrimonious relationship between my brother and I. Itís just that last summer my mother gave me a ultimatum which was to either model for GG Magazine or take violin lessons. Since I hate the violin I choose to go with modeling. Due to the fact that I had to model for GG Magazine I had to look the part, therefore I had no choice but to get contact lenses and they were torture because they would make my eyes itch so badly. I also had to do bench pressing at least four hours every day since early spring this year to get more muscular, and it wasnít until last year that I reached my present height. What Iím trying to say is that for whatever reason Quinn wants people to believe sheís an only child, I think she is very stupid and insensitive for doing that. I think she should be proud to have a sister like you. I would really love to have you for a sister. On the other hand I wouldnít be able to date you then and that would really suck. I really like you Daria, I find you very attractive and you are so cool. Besides I wasnít insinuating that Quinnís reasons for lying and my brothers reasons for giving me hell were appearance oriented in both cases, I was just trying to tell you that many of us have very unkind siblings, who hurt our feelings on a regular basis.
Daria: So if you did not have to model for GG Magazine you would still be wearing glasses today and you wouldnít be quite as muscular as you are now.
Chad: That is right Daria, I would look very different the only thing that would be the same would be my height. Although I do wonder, if I did have thick glasses and was still as thin as a rail would you still join me for lunch tomorrow.
Daria: Why do you even have to ask? Of course I would join you for lunch tomorrow. I want you to know Iím not hung up on looks and what I like about you has more to do with the type of person you are than what you look like. Since weíre on the subject, do you really find me attractive.
Chad: Yes very, I like girls who are petite and have a wicked smile like yours and I really dig those Doctor Martin boots you wear.
Daria: Thanks. I was wondering, if you donít have to model anymore for GG Magazine why do you still wear contact lenses?
Chad: I figured I went through all the itching that comes with wearing contacts for the first few weeks and now Iím used to them, so why wear glasses. On the other hand if you prefer me with glasses I will stop wearing my contact lenses right now and I will wear my glasses from this moment forward.
Daria: Thatís ok. I once tried contacts myself, but I was unable to get past the itching stage, I guess I just didnít have something really overpowering to motivate me such as the threat of having to take violin lessons. One thing I donít understand, if Quinn introduced herself to you how come you havenít asked her out yet.
Chad: I guess Iím just not interested in Quinn. I know she is your sister and everything , so please donít get mad, but its just that she reminds me of all the people my mother works with, which are the elite of the fashion industry, and the most shallow people in the world, in my opinion.
Daria: What does your mother do for a living and why do you feel such disdain for the fashion industry?
Chad: My mother is an ego maniacal fashion magazine editor for Waif Magazine, and she was also a super model in her younger days. I wouldnít have such contempt for the fashion industry if my mother hadnít dragged to all those fashion conventions every summer of my life since I was a baby. Whatís most ironic is that most guys think Iím very lucky because Iím always surrounded by super models, and believe me its a nightmare disguised as a paradise situation, because with few exceptions most super models I have talked to are shallow, self absorbed, narcissistic, unscrupulous and not very bright.
Daria: Sounds like the ideal job for Quinn, she has all the right qualifications. Is your brother Vincent in the fashion industry.
Chad: Yes my brother is a fashion photographer.
Daria: Maybe if Quinn becomes a model your brother and her could get together and that would be our revenge.
Chad: That is never going to happen, see my brother dabbles in the love that dares not speak its name.
Daria: Excuse me.
Chad: My brother is gay. You know what is most ironic.
Chad: The fact that my brother has even more guys after him than Quinn does.
Daria: Did you and Vincent live together while you where growing up.
Chad: No, my parents got a divorce when I was two and my brother stayed with my mother and I live with my father most of the year. Iím very glad because if mom would have had her way I would also be studying a career geared towards the fashion industry. Did you know that when she discovered my career plans she even sent me to an analyst to correct the error of my ways.
Daria: An analyst.
Chad: You know one of those doctors your parents send you to when you are not acting the way they want you to act, you know, to make you conform.
Daria: What career is this, that has your mother so alarmed that she even sent you to a shrink.
Chad: I want to be an FBI Agent and capture serial killers.
Daria: You wouldnít happen to be a regular viewer of The Strange Files, you know the show that made the FBI seem interesting.
Chad: Yes I do watch The Strange Files, but that is not the reason I want to be an FBI Agent. When I was a boy I used to read all the adventures of Sherlock Holmes, or anything else that was related to detective work. I always found detective work fascinating, and its all I ever wanted to do since I was five.
Daria: I guess in a way I also find detective work fascinating, I have even written stories about this female detective I created her name is Meledy Powers. Anyway, I always thought a guy like you would not have any hang-ups, yet it seems Iím wrong. Donít you ever look in the mirror and when you do arenít you happy with what you see.
Chad: Yes I do look in mirrors and every time I see my reflection all I can see is a lonely guy with many insecurities staring back at me. I still cry when I see movies like Gattaca or City Of Angels because like the main characters in those movies Iíve always felt like an outsider. What makes you think I have it made Daria?
Daria: Well youíre one of those really privileged people who are lucky enough to be considered cute, you even modeled for GG Magazine.
Chad: Modeling for GG Magazine was just one more thing that my mother did to humiliate me. I had to use almost a whole bottle of Visine daily in order for my eyes to look acceptable because they would itch so badly from trying to get use to wearing contact lenses. I also had a trainer that would make me work out till my muscles literally burned with pain. What I found most difficult was when the photographer would tell me to make love to the camera, which was a very tall order since I have never even kissed a girl before. OOPS did I say that.
Daria: Yes Iím afraid you did.
Chad: Well, yes you are the first girl Iíve ever asked out, and I guess Iím probably guy number twenty one on your list.
Daria: Actually youíre guy number thirty-five. Just kidding, I donít have a whole lot of dating experience either. Iím very flattered that Iím the first girl you ever asked out.
Chad: Thanks. I was wondering if I could pick you up at your house tomorrow morning that way we can talk on the way to school, I will also pick up Jane of course. Would you like that? All I need is for you to give me your address, and can I also have your phone number.
Daria: (Thinking) This would really make Quinn suffer. (To Chad) I think thatís a great idea my address is 4890 Lawndale Park Way (Note To Reader: I made that address up if you do know Dariaís real address let me know at once) and my phone number is 682-9633 See you tomorrow.
Chad: Good-bye and I will be there at 7:45 AM. Bye Jane I hope you found our conversation interesting.
Daria: What makes you think Jane can hear you.
Chad: I can tell by the background noise that you have the phone on speaker mode.
Jane: Sorry Chad, I promise Iíll keep this conversation private.
Chad: Donít worry I trust you, Jane. Bye Girls.
Jane and Daria: Good-bye Chad. (Daria hangs up and turns the speaker mode of.)
Jane: I will go with you and Chad to school tomorrow morning. After tomorrow I was wondering if I could go with Tom, he has been after me, to let him take me to school for a whole month.
Daria: How come you havenít mentioned this to me before.
Jane: I know how you feel about Tom, and I didnít want to make you feel that I was abandoning you.
Daria: I see, so now that Iím going to be going out with Chad, you decided its time to go our separate ways.
Jane: Daria, of course I never meant it like that, you are my best friend, and we will still hang out together a lot, but we have to realize that there will be times when Chad may want to spend time with you, just you.
Daria: Part of me really wants to go out with Chad, but another part of me does not want things to change. See even though Trent is dating Claire I was hoping heíd break up with her and maybe I could go out with him, and maybe we would stay together, and that way you and Trent would always be part of my life.
Jane: Trent and I will always be part of your life no matter what. I will always be your best friend and Trent will always care about you. I do think you should give Chad a chance though. Its like he told his friend, ďHe may not be the guy of your dreams but he may be the one who can make some of your dreams come trueĒ come on donít you want to be treated like a princess by a guy who would even make Quinn drool, not to mention green with envy. Besides maybe you should show Trent that he canít take you for granted.
Daria: Wouldnít I be using him then.
Jane: No you wouldnít , you really like him, youíre just afraid of change thatís all. You are not shallow.
Daria: Thanks I feel much better now. Iím going home now see you tomorrow.
Jane: Bye see you tomorrow, and hey everything is going to be all right, or even better, the expression on Quinnís face when Chad comes to your door to pick you up will make me wish I had my Polaroid with me.
Chad arrives with Jane in his Jag at Dariaís house. He is wearing a pair of white denim pants, blue denim blouse, really nice white penny loafers, and his best smile when he goes to pick up Daria at her door, he then rings the doorbell and Helen who's business trip was cancelled opens the door.
Helen: Hello who are you?
Chad: Good Morning Mrs. Morgendorffer, Iím Chad Carrington and Iím here to pick up your daughter (before Chad can finish his sentence, Helen calls Quinn.)
Helen: Quinn, come to the door.
Chad: But Iím here for your other daughter, Daria.
Helen: Oh no, I blew it again.
Quinn comes to the door and sees Chad.
Quinn: Hi Chad, I guess you finally came to your senses and decided to pay me a visit.
Chad: Actually Quinn, I never left my senses in the first place, Iím here to pick up Daria, you know Daria your sister.
Quinn: So is this some kind of a joke youíre playing on me.
At that moment Daria appears
Daria: No I think the joke is on you this time Quinn. Hi Chad.
Chad: Hello Daria, here a little something for you (He give her a beautiful red rose).
Quinn now looks like she wants to drop of the planet, she canít believe what sheís seeing not only did Chad not ask her out, but he even prefers Dariaís company instead and to top it of he even brings her flowers.
Daria: Hi mom, I guess as to parenting 101 this is the third strike, which means your out.
Quinn and Chad: What?
Helen: Never mind.
Chad: Daria may I carry your books to the car for you?
Daria: Thanks, but thatís ok I usually carry a back pack.
When Chad and Daria reach his car that is parked on the curve he opens the door for her and then he gets in his car. They all talk on the way to school. Later on While Chad is walking with Daria and Jane down the hallway of the school to Daria and Janeís first period class, Chad is giving them instructions on how to find where he usually has lunch.
Chad: After you exit the side door of the school, you go to the grass and then you follow the signs I left for you to find me, theyíre meant to keep the popular people away, so they wonít bother me.
Meanwhile Quinn and the rest of the fashion club are walking towards Chad and Daria as they walk down the hallway.
Sandi: Look its that new boy. What is he doing with that weirdo cousin of yours, Quinn?
Quinn: Will Sandi since I told him I didnít want to date him, he decided that he was going to use Daria to convince me to go out with him.
As Chad, Daria and Jane pass by them Chad decides to speak.
Chad: Hello Quinn, hi Sandi, Tiffany, and hi Stacy Iím sure you know my girlfriend Daria, since she is Quinnís older sister.
At this moment Quinn and the rest of the fashion club are in total shock and are all thinking what planet is this guy from.
Sandi: So this means you are dating Daria and are you not trying to find a way to get Quinn to go out with you.
The fashion club leave Quinn alone and Quinn who is totally embarrassed runs the other way to hide in her favorite hiding place, the girlís bathroom. Despite the fact that Quinn got what she deserved, Daria canít help but feel pity towards her.
Chad: Well Daria I guess that went pretty well.
Daria: Look Chad, despite the fact that Quinn got what she deserved, I canít help but feel sorry for her right now. Besides I didnít know that you considered me, your girlfriend.
Chad: Well you are a girl and you are my friend. Besides I didnít mean to be unkind to Quinn and all I did was tell her friends the truth. I think the reason Sandi asked me that question is because Quinn was making up another lie to keep herself from looking bad at your expense and I just wasnít going to allow that to happen, I care about you Daria and I care about how they treat you.
Daria: I appreciate that Chad, I know that your reasons are good. Itís just that Iím very certain that Quinn is in real emotional anguish right now.
Chad: Very well, I will try to be kinder to Quinn in the future, but before you start mourning for your sister donít forget all the emotional anguish she has put you through. In your case you never did anything to deserve it and yet she was still insensitive towards you.
Jane: Thatís true, Daria he does have a point, Quinn had it coming to her.
Daria: I agree, but thatís the difference between me and Quinn I actually care about how my actions affect others even those people are worthy of my contempt.
Chad: Iím glad to hear that you are so compassionate, I guess you have given me one more reason to like you even more. Anyhow hereís your class. Remember to watch for the signs I put up on the side of the school leading to my lunch spot.
Daria: Ok then Iíll look for the signs. I guess we all have to go our separate ways now, see you at lunch.
Chad: Good-bye and good luck finding me.
Its lunch time and Daria and Jane go to find where Chad has lunch. First they run into a sign that says ďBEWARE OF INSANE BOY HE ONLY ATTACKS POPULAR PEOPLEĒ, then they run into another sign that says ďNOBODY HERE BUT LAWNDALEíS MOST UNWANTEDĒ.
Jane: Chad is a really friendly guy, isnít he.
Daria: I even like him more now. I might ask him if I can borrow some of his signs, for when the fashion club comes to visit Quinn.
Jane: But the fashion club never goes near your part of the house anyway.
Daria: They may start wanting to hang around my part of the house when Chad comes to visit and having to watch Sandi try to seduce Chad is going to make me want to vomit.
Daria and Jane, finally see Chad as he welcomes them, then they come across a beautiful picnic area set up with the pizzas Jane and Daria wanted plus their drinks and a whole bunch of other goodies to munch on.
Chad: Hello Daria, Hello Jane, I would like you to meet my butler, Oliver.
Oliver: Hello girls, it is my pleasure to make you acquaintance.
Daria: Hello Oliver, it nice to meet you.
Jane: Hi Oliver, nice meeting you.
Chad: Help yourself to whatever you like. Oliver and I were discussing the music I listen to, he says my music is too morbid. He doesnít like the song ďAll The Young DudesĒ by World Party.
Oliver: Itís just that the first line of that song talks about how this young manís friend, Billy wants to commit suicide by the time he is twenty-five.
Chad: Come on Oliver suicide is a favorite pastime of American boys they do it all the time, you should check the statistics.
Oliver: Thatís another thing I canít stand, Chad, every time you open your mouth it is to say yet another sarcastic remark. I just hope that these new friends of yours show how fun it is to be a teenager.
Jane: Iím sure Daria will show Chad how to be a happy, vibrant teenager, maybe sheíll play him some of her Beach Boys or Partridge Family CDs.(NOTE: Partridge Family was a tv family who sang together in the early seventies the leader of the band was David Casidy)
Daria: Iím sure Jane will have a great time showing Chad some of her Brady Bunch reruns that she watches all the time.
Oliver: Iím so glad to hear that. Itís just that if Chad keeps listening to such depressing music like the soundtrack from The Strange Files he is going to severely damage his brain.
Chad: Oliver donít worry about my brain, we are in Lawndale now, I donít need one.
Daria: I guess you find most of the people around here are very dumb. A very accurate assessment, I definitely agree.
Oliver: Why are you young people always so cynical these days.
Chad: Because we live in a very frustrating world Oliver, would you believe that they are making me take a self esteem class for four weeks after school.
Jane: Daria and I also had to take a self esteem class, welcome to the club. What was the answer you gave to Ms. Manson when she showed you the cue card with a guy and a girl talking?
Chad: I told her that they were making plans to bomb the next fashion convention in Paris. I couldn't help but remember all those fashion conventions my mother made me go to.
Daria: Maybe we can help you get out sooner, see Jane took the self esteem class six times and she might still have her notes.
Chad: Jane do you still have your notes and why did you have to take it six times, you are such a smart girl.
Jane: Yes I still have my notes and I guess at that time in my life having low self esteem made me feel special.
Chad: But Jane being insane makes me feel special and you donít see me in an asylum.
Oliver: Thatís because I havenít committed you yet.
Chad: If you do, I will tell them that you are the reason for my malady.
Oliver: I wish you were not so sarcastic all the time Chad, and that show you watch The Strange Files and the fact that your refer to yourself as a phile makes me sometimes think you live in a drawer of a filing cabinet.
Chad: As a matter of fact I do, you can find me between crazy and demented.
Daria: But they both mean the same thing.
Chad: My point exactly. Anyway I really want to hangout with you after school today but Iíd hate make you wait an hour until I get out of my self esteem class.
Daria: Thatís Ok Chad we donít mind waiting for you. Jane if you want you can go home, Iíll wait up for Chad myself .
Jane: Thatís Ok, Daria Iíd rather stick around, besides Tom is going to be hanging out with the guys all afternoon.
Chad: So you have a boyfriend Jane.
Chad: Have you known him very long.
Jane: Just a few months.
Daria: That would be two months, three weeks and two days to be exact.
Chad: I get the feeling Tomís not your favorite person.
Daria: Actually heís a nice guy, its just that when Jane started going out with Tom I started feeling kind of lonely.
Chad: I understand how you feel I had a very lonely six months when my best friend Peter moved to another state. I started having quite a few hobbies since then, but I was still lonely never the less. Now that I met you I feel so much happier and I donít feel lonely anymore do you feel the same way.
Daria: Yes I do.
After Chadís self esteem class Daria and Jane are deciding where to go to eat.
Daria: Pizza after school.
Chad: Daria we already had pizza for lunch, how about if I take you somewhere special.
Chad: Come on Daria, I want it to be a surprise.
Daria: When it comes to food I donít like surprises.
Jane: Come on Daria, we have pizza everyday, lets try something new it will be fun.
After being on the road for a while Daria, Chad and Jane are in front of Emikoís House of Sushi. They walk up to the door and the doorman points to Daria and Janeís boots, Chad already took his shoes of, and Daria and Jane look at each other.
Daria: Jane, I guess this means we have to take our boots of.
Jane and Daria take of their boots and Daria smells something funny and realizes its Janeís feet.
Daria: Did something die in your boots?
Jane: No, I wasnít planning on this, I forgot to change my odor eaters again.
Daria: When did you last change them.
Jane: Four month ago. I guess you change yours often because I donít smell anything.
Daria: Due to the fact that I always try to avoid humiliation, I put a new odor eater in my Doctor Martins every week, I guess being paranoid is finally paying of.
Daria, Chad and Jane walk in to the restaurant and everybody turns their heads towards Janeís feet and have an expression on their faces of whatís that smells. Chad, Jane and Daria are seated on the floor of their table. Then the guy at the next table asks the waitress a question in Japanese.
Guy At Next Table: The sushiís not fresh it has this really strange smell.
Then the waitress whispers in his ear in Japanese.
Waitress: It not the sushi its that American girlís feet, she forgot to use her odor eaters.
Jane starts to get really embarrassed. Then the waitress hands them little towels to clean their hands and Jane uses hers to clean her feet, and the waitress looks at her funny, but the smell is gone and Jane is relieve.
Daria: First we took of our boots and now we are sitting on the floor, whatís next the raw fish. OOPS I didnít mean it that way.
Chad: You will really love the Sushi here Daria, it is almost as good as the kind you eat at Japan.
Daria: But we are not in Japan.
Chad: Iím going to order you the sushi, sashimi sampler, you will really like this.
Jane: Do you mean to tell me that after I went through all this humiliation you do not want to try the sushi, the things I do for you Daria, the things I do for you.
Daria: Its called getting even.
Waitress: What will you be having.
Chad: Three sushi, sashimi samplers please, with everything.
Daria: Please make sure its not moving.
The waitress gives Daria a strange look. After a while the sushi arrives. Chad and Jane begin to eat and Daria is sitting still just staring at her plate. She can even see the tentacles from the octopus.
Chad: Please try some Daria, just for me, you will like it, its really delicious.
Daria picks up her chops sticks and tries to figure out how to hold them and she is not very successful so she pokes the sushi with one of the chops sticks, dips it in too much wasabi and tries to put it in her mouth, and has that expression on her face of get me some water fast. So after finally swallowing that piece of sushi she tries it without the wasabi and has an expression on her face of this might be the finest Japanese cuisine in town but I donít like raw fish.
Chad: Its OK Daria you donít have to eat it if you donít want to, how about some teriyaki chicken instead, the chef puts on a really good show.
Daria: That sounds much safer, thanks Chad for being so understanding, Iím sorry about the sushi.
Chad asks the waitress to pack up their left over sushi.
Daria: Chad I would like to take mine home.
Chad: But you donít like sushi.
Daria: I want to take it home to Quinn so she can try some.
Chad: Arenít you a nice older sister.
Jane: Daria, does Quinn know what sushi is.
Daria: No and thatís the beauty of it.
Chad, Daria and Jane go over to the table where the chef is preparing the teriyaki chicken. The chef starts swirling the knives around and Daria starts to look kind of scared.
Daria: Are you sure this is safe Chad. Iím not really fond of having body parts in my food.
Chad: Donít worry these guys can do this in their sleep.
Daria: I guess Iíll just have to start living dangerously now.
Jane: At least the food is cooked, besides Iím having a blast watching that chef do his thing.
Daria: Jane how about you trading places with me, that way you can watch the chef more closely.
Jane: Gee Daria and I thought you were my best friend, and now you are putting my life in danger.
Daria: Come on Jane, this is going to be fun.
Chad: Arenít you two enjoying the show, the fire is next.
Daria: So now they are going to set us on fire.
Then the chef put some oil on the grill and fire appears and Daria and Jane look really scared.
Daria: I didnít know any meal could be this dangerous.
The chef serves them their food and they all eat with no problems.
Chad: I would like it very much if we could all go over to my house now, I want to show you my basement, its really cool.
Daria: Ok, Whatís so special about your basement.
Chad: I thought having a basement was important to teenagers in America, thatís what I see in That 70ís Show.
Daria: I see you like to copy what you see on TV.
Chad: Since I donít know very many people its one of the only ways I have of figuring out what is considered cool.
Daria: Chad, regardless of what you may think, I think you are very cool and a lot of fun to be around.
Jane: Yeah Chad, I really like hanging out with you, maybe you, Daria, me and Tom can double date sometime.
Chad: I really like that idea, lets do it sometime.
After a short time on the road, they all arrive to Chadís mansion. The mansion has an enormous driveway a beautiful garden complete with gazebo. The mansion itself is hugh, and is a combination of brick and dark mahogany wood, it must have at least twenty bedrooms, it has an indoor and outdoor swimming pool, tennis court and a stable for horses.
Daria: Are you a cousin of Prince Charles?
Chad: No, both my father and mother are very wealthy. My father also has a house in England. I hope you like my home.
Jane: Its beautiful, so when do we get to check out your basement.
Chad: Yeah lets check it out.
Chad, Daria and Jane enter Chadís home and they pass by his enormous living room with high vaulted ceiling, and dining room that has one of those long tables with many chairs and a beautiful flower arrangement on the table. They then go down one flight of stairs to his magnificent basement which has a small gym with wooden floor for Chad to roller blade, a music room with a state of the art sound system, and screens to put slides and movies while listening to music, and he also has a hobby room where he develops the photos he takes at the cemetery and then makes surrational images by combining them with photographs of other objects like the ones Scott Mutter does for his calendars, yes even Chadís taste in art is morbid.
Daria: Your basement definitely beats Eric Foremanís basement in That 70ís Show.
Chad: Iím glad you like it maybe we can rollerblade in my gym room sometime or maybe we can all hang out at the cemetery and take photographs.
Jane: Yeah the cemetery is one of our favorite hangouts, we like to go there when we get depressed.
Chad: I know that my taste is kind of morbid, let me show you my room Iím sure you will like the art in there.
Daria: You wouldnít happen to have your own guillotine would you? I once asked my parents for one and they got me a microscope instead.
Chad: I once asked my father for an electric chair for when Vincent comes to visit and he denied my request as well, but my room does have other things that you may find disturbing so you wonít be disappointed.
They all go up two flights of stairs to Chadís room which has double doors and is enormous, 20 by 30 feet, it has a hugh king-size bed in the center, beautiful mahogany wood night stands and dresser. On the walls he has posters by Alan M Clark ( Alan M Clark is an artist who specializes in horror pictures, he has done such works of arts like, Doctors, which is a picture of someone or something laying on a table with many weird people surrounding this victim) Chad also has several pictures by Salvador Dali, and he many of the surrational images he had made from the photographs he took at the cemetery up on his wall as well as a chair in the corner with a styrofoam ax hanging over it. He also has four bookshelves with all the books that Stephen King has ever written and all the novels Robin Cooke has written as well along with many other books on other subjects plus a whole set of encyclopedias on unexplained phenomenon and every episode guide for the Strange Files.
Chad: When I first got that chair it had a real ax but my father wouldnít allow it so I have to go with a Styrofoam ax instead, how boring.
Jane: I think you would really like Dariaís room she even has padded walls.
Chad: Daria, you mean pretending youíre insane makes you feel special to.
Daria: No Chad, my room use to belong to a schizophrenic shut in before my family and I moved there.
Chad: So you decided to keep the padded walls, have your parents threatened to redecorate.
Daria: Yes they have on several occasions.
Chad: I once asked my father for padded walls but he said I was already too strange and that I should consider getting more positive tastes or he would make me go to a analyst at least once a week.
Daria: Well I think my parents already gave up on me, I like making them suffer.
Chad: I really like the way you think Daria.
After visiting Chadís home, Chad takes Jane and Daria back to their houses and when Daria gets home she goes to where Quinn is and offers her some of her left over sushi.
Daria: Hi Quinn, since you had such a bad morning I brought you some sushi from Emiko's House Of Sushi to make it up to you.
Quinn: Who are you and what have you done with Daria? Is this a trick.
Daria: No I just want you to try some, they say its the best in town.
Quinn: Ok. (She tries a piece diped in wasabi) yum this is really good, thanks Daria.
Daria: Just wondering, do you know what sushi is?
Quinn: Of course I do, sushi is raw fish prepared a special way served over rice, Mathew and I always get some when we go out.
Daria: (Thinking) Damm.
The phone rings.
Daria: Hello this is Daria Morgendorffer.
Chad: Hi its me, Chad, I was wondering if we can go out dancing at this club that features only disco music, I bet you must be one hell of a dancer.
Daria: (Thinking) Oh no, another one of those dates from the twilight zone, canít he just go to dinner and a movie like everyone else. (to Chad) Sure Chad but Iím not a really good dancer.
Chad: Donít worry I will show you a couple of really good moves and maybe tomorow we can go horse back riding.
Daria: Sure and maybe next week we can go sky diving.
Chad: Thats a great idea, I'll make arrangements to hire a pilot to fly us over some grassy field.
It's 7:00 PM and Chad comes over to pick up Daria, he even brings her a beautiful bouquet of red roses and is wearing a stunning black suit. Daria is wearing a pink dress and high heeled black sandles that Quinn helped her select when they both went to an emergency trip to the mall that afternoon, of course she promised to help Quinn with her homework for the next month, which means she would pretty much have to do most of Quinn's homework for her. Later that evening Chad and Daria are slow dancing.
Chad: Remember I once told you I've never kissed a girl. Well I would really like to change that and only you can help me do that.
Daria: OK, I'll help you end those I have never kissed a girl days.
Chad holds her even closer as they slow dance and then he presses his lips against hers and they give each other a very passionate first kiss, one that no matter what happens later on in their lives, they will never forget that kiss or the times they spent together.
I would like to give special thanks to my best friend Maggie Avendano for collaborating with me on the part of the story in which Daria, Jane and Chad go to the Japanese Restaurant.
If you have any comments on my script please write to: email@example.com
"Daria" and all related titles, logos and characters are trademarks of MTV Networks, a division of Viacom International, Inc. All rights reserved by trademark-holders under United States National and Intertnational Law and Convention. The following is intended as a homage to a great show on MTV.Ē
"The Charactor of Chad Carrington is a creation of the Author, Lourdes M Cabrera and you must ask for the author's permission if you wish to use this character in any way."