Author: "Hash"

Title: "Just Add Connor" Fic #1

Summary: Daria and Jane befriend a new student at Lawndale High. But, after Daria spends a day with him, the old feud with Jane over Tom resurfaces. Will this new student tear apart Lawndale's strongest friendship? Or will our favorite cynics take him under their wings?

       Quick note from the author: It's winter now, in fact, the story starts the Tuesday back from Thanksgiving break, so everyone's going to have attire for the season. The Fashion Club will still be decked out in their season four garb, only winter-fied (is that a word?), and Brittany and Kevin still in their cheering and football uniforms. Jane's wearing the same black v-neck and red shirt she always wears, but now has gray cargos. Daria is wearing her outfit from "The Road Warrior," black T-shirt and blue jeans, with her normal green jacket. Any other major changes I'll be sure to let you know, but other than that, use your imagination.

       Also, remember that this is an introductory fanfic. It's gonna be longer and suck more than the follow-ups because of having to establish a character and that character's relationships with the others. So, try to cut me some slack, okay? And as always, any comments and constructive criticisms is appreciated. Oh, and click the link on the new guys name. You need to know what he looks like, or else a joke in the middle of Act I won't make sense.

       Oh, and one more thing, I wrote this before the whole Daria/Tom thing in eps. #412-#413, and there's no waayyy I'm writing it again. So all of my followup fics are going to be as if that whole thing never happened, ok? Happy reading.


[Normal Daria theme plays, but instead, at the end, the screen goes black and the title comes up in white Daria lettering.]

"Just Add Connor"


Scene 1


Lawndale High/Morning/Tuesday

[Intro, Korn "Make Me Bad" plays in background]



Lawndale High Hallway/Tuesday Morning

[Ms. Li is talking to a group 4 of new students. Zoom in on a male student, Connor Jablonski, 17, about 5'8, spiky black hair, and green eyes. Definitely good looking. He has on a faded black hooded sweatshirt jacket, with a black T-shirt under it, kinda baggy dark blue jeans, and black boots. His face is expressionless.]

Ms. Li: (continuous) to make sure no new Lawndale High student feels alienated, you will each be taking a psychological exam.

Connor: (under his breath) Goody.


Scene 2


Lawndale High/Morning/Tuesday/Dr. Manson's office

[Dr. Manson is sitting at a round table, Connor is across from her, slouched down in the chair.]

Dr. Manson: Ok Clint...

Connor: (cutting off) Connor.

Dr. Manson: Right, sorry Connor. So now, Clint, (holds up picture of two people talking) What do you see in this picture?

Connor: People walking down the sidewalk bursting into flames.

Dr. Manson:, it's two people talking.

Connor: It's Connor. And the last time I took one of these they said I could see whatever I want.

Dr. Manson: This isn't that kind of a test Clint. Now, can you tell me what they're talking about?

Connor: (sounding out every letter) It's C-O-N-N-O-R. And there aren't any words... so no I can't.

Dr. Manson: No no no, you're supposed to make up a conversation for them to be having.

Connor: Then they're talking about how it would be cool if everyone walking down the street spontaneously combusted.

[Dr. Manson frowns, Connor smirks]


Scene 3


Lawndale High/Morning/Tuesday/Mr. DiMartino's Room

[Mr. DiMartino is in the front addressing the students. Daria and Jane are in their normal seats beside each other in the second row back. Connor enters the room and hands Mr. DiMartino a piece of paper.]

Mr. DiMartino: Ok CLASS, we have a new STUdent joining us toDAY. Connor

Connor: (sighs and rolls his eyes) Jablonski.

Mr. DiMartino: Right, that's what I SAID. Connor, take the seat behind DARia.

[Connor looks confused, the look on his face says 'I'm new here you idiot, I don't know any body's name']

Mr. DiMartino: (annoyed) The one in the second row son. (Connor still looks confused) OVER THERE! (Mr. DiMartino points to the vacant seat behind Daria)

[Connor nods and walks over and sits behind Daria]

Mr. DiMartino: Well ConNOR, perhaps you think it RUDE to be asked a QUESTion on your first day. HowEVER, I do not. Last week we startED a unit on World War ONE. Now (evil laugh) would you care to tell us the HIStory of GAS WARfare during this PERiod?

Connor: There was no history. Gas warfare was introduced during this period.

Mr. DiMartino: Good. But would you CARE to ELABerate on the subject Mr. JABooski?

Connor: (sighs) It's JabLONski. And the first use of gas was attributed to the Germans on the Russian front in 1915.About 520 pressurized cylinders were brought to the front and, following an artillery barrage, a five mile wide cloud of greenish-yellow chlorine gas was released on the wind to drift down over the French trenches. The defenders were overcome with violent nausea, shortness of breath and blindness and were able to offer little resistance to the offensive. Panic, fear and death were wide spread. The British replied in kind at Loos in September of the same year. Both sides soon learned to deliver their deadly vapors through exploding artillery shells. Even more feared than chlorine was diphosgene or "mustard gas" against which gas masks were useless.

Mr. DiMartino: Good. Perhaps...suspiciously good...

Jane: (looking sidelong at Daria) Looks like you've got a little competition Daria.


Scene 4


Lawndale High/Morning/Tuesday/Mr. O'Neils Room

[Mr. O'Neil is in the front addressing the class on Shakespeare in his melodramatic way, when Connor walks in]

Mr. O'Neil: (nervous) Um c-c-can I h-help you?

[Connor hands Mr. O'Neil a piece of paper. He unfolds it]

Mr. O'Neil: (cheery...creepishly cheery) Oh, you must be the new student! Class, this is our new student, Connor Jab...Jab...(tries to read the name, not getting it right)

Connor: (sighs) Jablonski.

Mr. O'Neil: Right, Jablonski. Why don't you take a seat behind Daria, right over there. (Makes sure to point the seat out)

[Connor walks back and sits down. The lesson continues.]


Scene 5


Lawndale High/Before Lunch/Tuesday/Hallway

[Daria and Jane are standing at Jane's locker while she puts her stuff in it.]

Jane: (in the middle of telling a joke) the monkey ask the porcupine to join the cult and then...

Daria: (sees the Fashion Club walking down the hall) Speaking of cults...

[Cut to view of the fashion club]

Sandi: Hey Quinn, isn't that your weird cousin or whatever.

Quinn: (sees Daria) Um yea.

Sandi: (evil grin) Why don't we go say hi.

Quinn: Um I don't think we need to do that Sandi.

Sandi: Well if *you* seem to know what we *need* to do, Quinn, perhaps *you* think *you* would be a better president of the Fashion Club.

Quinn: (fake sincere) Oh *no* Sandi, I could *never* be a better president than *you*.

Sandi: Then let's go.

[The FC walks over to Daria and Jane]

Sandi: (to Daria) Hey Quinn's cousin or whatever. (she shoves the books out of Daria's hands) Maybe you should watch where you're going. (the FC walks away and laughs)

Jane: Vultures.

Daria: (picking up her books) Ignore them and they'll eventually leave us alone.

Jane: Uh huh. And we've been ignoring them for how long?

Daria: (knows she's beat) Shut up.

[Cut to view of Connor, who is standing around the corner, he witnessed the whole thing, and obviously thinks that the Fashion Club are jerks. He looks at a piece of paper, zoom in on the paper (it has the number 227 and the numbers 34-4-2 written on it). Connor searches for his locker. He follows the row till he gets to number 227, which is right beside Jane's. Daria and Jane are still standing there, Jane finishes putting her stuff away and they leave. Connor tries the combination of his locker then tries to open it. It doesn't work. He tries again, still won't open. He tries again and when it doesn't work, he bangs his head on the locker, it opens.]

Connor:(raises an eyebrow) Well...there's a cliche. (shrugs and puts away the books from his first two classes)


Scene 6


Lawndale High/Tuesday/Lunch/Cafeteria

[Blink182, "Fentoozler" plays in background. Daria and Jane are standing in line to get their lunch.]

Jane: (once again attempting her joke) then after the monkey convinces the porcupine to join the cult...

Daria: Jane, you've been in the middle of the same joke all morning. Does this even have a point? (Jane shrugs and picks up a thing of jello)

Jane: (surveying the jello) When did they start making brown jello?

Daria: They didn't.

Jane: Yuck. (puts the jello back) So anyway, you coming to the Mystik Spiral gig Friday?

Daria: Unless the high commander summands me back before then.

Jane: I'll count you in then. At the Zen.

Daria: Surprise, surprise.

Jane: Hey, it's the only place in town worth playing.

Daria: It's the only place in town that would pay them.

Jane: Bingo. Oh, there won't be enough room in the Tank, so we'll have to take Trent's car

Daria: Trent's car?

Jane: Yeah. Trent said I could drive it. Don't worry, he just had a tune up last week.

Daria: Good. (beat) Wait a minute. You're driving?

Jane: There's no way you are. I've heard stories. (Daria rolls her eyes and Jane smirks)


[Connor is sitting at one end of a table alone, picking at a salad. A group of four or five football jocks come up to the table.]

Jock #1: Hey punk! (grabs Connor by the collar of his jacket) This is our table. Get lost!

Jock #2: Yea beat it loser!

[Connor picks up his tray and walks away, the jocks laughing as the sit down. Connor walks to the back of the cafeteria to the only empty space he can find, which is the other end of Daria and Jane's table.]

Connor: (kind of quiet but still loud enough to get Jane's attention) excuse me? Mind if I sit over here? (motion to the opposite end of the table)

Jane: (shrugs) Knock yourself out. (Connor sits. Jane turns back to Daria, who she was explaining a theory to.) So anyway, you see? School actually is, by definition, hell.

Connor: (to himself, but loud enough for both Daria and Jane to hear) Hell is just a word. Reality is much worse.

Jane: (chuckles, Connor looks up, obviously he didn't mean to say that out loud) Good one, come on down. (motions for him to come down to their end.)

Connor: Are you sure?

Jane: Sure.

[Connor moves down and takes a seat beside Daria.]

Jane: (extending her hand) I'm Jane Lane, artiste extrordanar.

Connor: (shakes Jane's hand) Connor.

Jane: (motions to Daria) And this is my partner in crime, Daria. Cynic, outcast, and committed fan of late night game shows.

Daria: Funny. (looks at Jane with the "remind me to kill you later" look)

Connor: (shyly, in a way that is strangely familiar to the way Daria talks to Trent) Um..hey.

Daria: Hey. (notices Quinn out of the corner of her eye) Uh oh.

Jane: (also notices) Fashion junkie 3 o'clock.

[Quinn walks up to them]

Quinn: Okay Daria, what's this?

Daria: A table, Quinn. There's one much like it over there. Away from us.

Quinn: (ignores Daria's remark) The Fashion Club keeps asking me why this guy is sitting with you? He's cute.

Connor: (disbelief) Uh huh.

Quinn: You know, in a creepy sort of way. (looking at Connor) I wonder when he'll ask me out.

Connor: How insulted would you be if I said never?

Quinn: Very.

Connor: We wouldn't want that now would we. (Quinn nods) In that case...(pretends to think)...not even if we were the last people on earth. (Quinn gives him a weird look) (pause....) There would still be goats.

Quinn: EEEWWWWWW (she storms back to the FC table, Daria and Jane smirk)

Jane: Woah, impressive.

Daria: Never seen anyone do that before.

Connor: What?

Daria: Reject my sister.

Connor: That's you're sister?

Daria: Unfortunately.

Connor: (puts his hand on her shoulder, sympathetic) I'm sorry.

[Daria and Jane smirk]


Scene 7


Lawndale High Courtyard/After school/ Tuesday

[Rage Against The Machine, "Guerilla Radio" plays in background. Daria, Jane, and Connor are standing around in front of the school.]

Connor: (continuing something) ...and after my dad got transferred we had to move again. Well, the move was rough on my mom to begin with, because there weren't any legal offices hiring and the city already had more than enough lawyers on there side, but I think what put the cap on things was when mom came home from the store one afternoon and dad was with his secretary. In their bed.

Jane: Damn. But that still doesn't explain what you're doing here.

Connor: Dad got the house. He had the best team of lawyers in the city, and since he was the only one in the family making money, it made the case even easier.

Daria: So why come to Lawndale? Nothing available in hell?

Connor: (smirks) A friend of my mom's owns a legal firm in town and gave her a job. Some place with like eight partners. Schrector, Schretor something something.

Jane: Well now isn't that coincidental.

Connor: What?

Daria: My mom works at the same firm.

Connor: Really? Cool.

[Jodie and Mack walk up to the group]

Jodie: Hey Jane. Daria.

Daria: Whatever it is, no.

Jodie: (sighs) Come on Daria. I'm not trying to rope you into any more activities. I just haven't had the chance to welcome the new student. (to Connor, extends her hand) Hi, I'm Jodie Landon, and this is Michael.

Mack: Everyone calls me Mack.

Connor: Hey. Connor. (shakes their hands)

Jodie: We would stay and talk but I need to get to the student council meeting. Later. (Jodie and Mack leave)

Connor: (looks a little confused) That was strange.

Daria: Don't worry. (beat) It gets worse.

Connor: Oh, goody.


Scene 8


Sidewalk, near Jane's house/After school/Tuesday

Jane: So, care to join us at Casa de Lane this evening?

Connor: I would, but I've got to get home. Still unpacking. The president had to declare my room a disaster area. (Daria and Jane smirk)

Jane: Shall we say tomorrow then?

Connor: Sure, if you don't mind.

Jane: Not at all. Daria, how about Casa de Morgandorffer?

Daria: No way. Quinn has the Fashion Club over all week. Trying to make up for wearing the wrong color nail polish last Friday.

Jane: Giving all her stuff away again?

Daria: She's not giving away any of her stuff. (beat) Just Jake's gold card.

Jane: (smirks) Of course. (nods toward her house) This is us. Later.

Connor: Later, bye. Bye Daria.

Daria: Bye.


Scene 9


Lawndale High/Afternoon/Wednesday

[Fenix TX, "All My Fault" plays is background.]



Lawndale High, Ms. Barch's room/Afternoon/Tuesday

[Connor's is seated at the same table as Daria, which is the one in the middle. Kevin and Brittany are at the one to their right, Jodie and Mack are behind them, and miscellaneous students are at the other tables.]

Ms. Barch: (mid-lecture) ...And so, after mating the female Praying Mantis rips the male's head off and eats it. (wishful thinking tone) If only humans could do that.

Daria: Legally. (Connor and Mack smirk, Jodie shakes her head)

Ms. Barch: Anyway, for your assignment, you will each be writing a paper on the reasons that would justify me...err...the female mantis killing her mate. Girls papers are to be two pages, and for you males, at least five.

Connor: (to Daria) She's allowed to do that?

Daria: Shh.

Connor: Huh?

Ms. Barch: Shut up, man! You're paper is now ten pages.

Connor: But...

Ms. Barch: Wanna go for twenty you...


Lawndale High, Courtyard/After school/Tuesday

[Daria, Jane, and Connor are standing in front of the sign.]

Connor: (continuous) ...Testosterone filled schovenist pig.

Jane: Woah, harsh one.

Connor: And all I did was...

Daria: Question her authority?

Jane: Be born?

Connor: I was gonna say questioning authority, but being born sounds much better. (Daria and Jane smirk)


Scene 10


Lane House, Jane's room/Late afternoon/Wednesday

[Limp Bizkit, "Faith" plays in background. Daria sits on the edge of the bed, Jane paints, Connor stands at the foot of the bed looking around]

Daria: (looking at TV) Shows on.

[Jane clicks her radio off and then turns the TV off mute]

TV: Is Sick Sad World implanting subliminal messages? Hypnotic TV shows, tonight on Sixty minutes!

Daria: Those hour news shows just keeps going downhill.

Jane: They just have no imagination any more. (turns off the TV)

[Loud sound of two guitars comes from downstairs, shaking the house.]

Connor: (startled) What the hell?

Jane: Just my brother and his friend. (does the finger quote things) "Practicing".

Connor: Practicing what is my question.

Jane: What it is that they call music.

Connor: (shrugs) I guess everyone's entitle to their own opinion. (the guitars shake the house again, this time there is a loud, high pitch 'twank' in the middle) Except that. I draw the line at that.

Jane: (already knows what's going to happen next, reaches into her pocket and takes out a 10) Looks like Trent broke another string.

Daria: I'm just curious, has this happened in a gig yet?

Jane: Surprisingly, no.

Connor: You mean "unfortunately," no. (Daria and Jane smirk)

[Trent walks in the room]

Trent: Hey Janey, hey Daria (notices Connor) hey...uhh...

Connor: (extends his hand) Connor.

Trent: (shakes Connor's hand) Cool. Hey Janey, you got any money?

Jane: Hey Trent, you got any shame?

Trent: Very funny Janey. Just like last time. Seriously, I need some new strings before our gig Friday night.

Jane: Yes, yes. I heard. (hands him the 10)

Trent: (takes it) Thanks. So, you two still coming to the gig Friday? We could use roadies.

Jane: Yeah we'll be there. But call us roadies again and you die.

Trent: Would you rather be called groupies?

Jane: Fine. We're roadies.

Trent: Cool. Gotta go rehearse. Later. (exits)

Jane: Yeah. (gets an idea) Hey Connor, wanna join us? Give us a little competent company.

Connor: (wasn't really paying attention, staring at Daria who didn't notice) Huh?

Jane: To the gig. Friday. At the Zen.

Connor: Me?

Jane: You're the only Connor here right? Unless Daria renamed one of her voices. (Daria rolls her eyes)

Connor: (you can tell he's never been asked to do something like that before) Um...ok....if you're sure you want me to.

Jane: Sure. The more the marrier.

Connor: Ok cool. (looks at his watch) Crap, I gotta go. Mom'll want to give me the third degree when I get home.

Daria: Yeah I better go too.

Jane: Yeah, Helen can't stand to bond when no one's there.

Daria: No one's ever there. (beat) Mentally. (Jane smirks)

Connor: (shy, once again, similar to how Daria acts around Trent) So uhh...where do you live?

Daria: About two blocks down the road.

Connor: Cool. The apartment building's about five or six. I'll walk you home.

Daria: Ok. (stands up) Later Jane.

Jane: Later. (Daria and Connor leave. Jane watches them leave, then gets a look that says she's considering something...but then shakes her head) Nah.


Scene 11


The sidewalk/ Evening/Wednesday

[Daria and Connor are walking down the sidewalk to Daria's house.]

Connor: (shy) So uh...this band...they any good?

Daria: Depends on how you define good. Good as in "they try their best and that's what's important" then yes. Good as in "they can play organized music with good, meaningful lyrics" then no.

Connor: (smirks) So they aren't any good then?

Daria: Not a chance. (Connor chuckles, Daria smirks)

[They walk for a little bit in scilence.]

Daria: (an attempt at making small talk) So what's your impression of the seventh circle of hell thus far?

Connor: (smirks)'s not as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, there's nothing here and the school's full of shallow people who care more about their shoes than themselves, but meeting you sort of canceled them all out. (stops for a second, realizing what he said) Umm...

Daria: (blushing but not near as much as she would have if Trent said that) Thanks.

Connor: (shy) No problem. (It starts to rain and Connor starts to take of his coat for Daria aw in't that so cute you wanna puke) Here.

Daria: That's okay. (pointing) My house is right here.

Connor: Ok. (shyly) I'll uhh...see you tomorrow then.

Daria: See ya. (walks up to her house and goes inside)

[Connor watches Daria until she's inside the house then lets out a sigh, and smiles. He continues walking.]


Scene 12


Lawndale High/ Morning/ Thursday (it's raining)

[Caroline's Spine, "Work Song" plays in background]



Lawndale High Hallway/ Morning/ Thursday

[Daria and Jane are at Daria's locker. She's taking out her books. Jane's holding a closed umbrella.]

Jane: So, you kids make it home safe last night?

Daria: Funny Lane.

Jane: Fine. Don't let little Janey have any fun.

Daria: Don't worry. I won't.

[Connor comes walking up to them. His hair isn't spiked, it's shaggy and hanging in front of his eyes and dripping wet. He slams his head into a locker.]

Jane: (raises an eyebrow) What's up, amigo?

Connor: (groggy) Early. Missed bus. Mom won't let drive to school. Had to walk. Pouring rain. Soaking wet.

Daria: You do know you have a hood right?

[Connor takes his head off the locker and turns his head to see the hood. After realizing he has it, slams his head back into the locker. Daria and Jane exchange glances.]


Scene 13


Lawndale High, DiMartino's Room/Morning/Thursday

Mr. DiMartino: (handing out tests to the students) And, as NO surprise to mySELF, your test scores from Friday's EXAM were very POOR! Keep scoring like THIS and you will NOT GRADuate. (sits down at his desk, to himself but everyone hears anyway) What does a man need to DO to get RID of such PESTS!

Connor: (to Daria and Jane, over Daria's shoulder) Get and industrial size can of raid. (the girls smirk)

Jane: No can do.

Daria: He was banned from PayDay.

Jane: He accidentally shut down their entire power supply by spilling grease at a free sample station.

Connor: (raises an eyebrow) That's odd.

Jane: You don't know the half of it.


Scene 14


Lane house, Jane's room/After school/ Thursday (it stopped raining but is still pretty dark)

[Daria is sitting on the edge of the bed, Connor is on the floor beside the bed, and Jane is painting something]

Connor: So Mr. O'Neil actually broke down in the middle of a class and ran out crying?

Daria: Yep.

Connor: Wow. The judges take bribes, the authorities are clueless, and the educators all have personality disfuctions. Strange town.

Jane: Like I said, you still don't know the half of it.

Connor: (raises an eyebrow) Do I even want to?

Daria: Probably not. (Connor smirks)

[Once again the sound of two guitars interrupts their conversation.]

Connor: (startled) Geez. (to Jane) Do they do this every day?

Jane: And night.

Connor: All that practice, you'd think they would be able to play without damaging anything. Like my hearing. (Daria and Jane smirk)

Jane: That reminds me, I'll pick you two up around six, tomorrow. Sound good?

Daria: Fine with me.

Jane: (to Connor) So where do you live anyway?

Connor: In the apartments down the road. But mom will be too busy with work, she won't want to be interrupted. And she won't let me wait outside. (Jane raises an eyebrow) Don't ask... (to Daria, shyly again) Maybe I could...uh...wait at your house. If that's okay.

Daria: Sure.

Connor: Ok.


Scene 15


Lawndale High/Morning/Friday

[Sublime, "What I Got" plays in background.]



Lawndale High, Hallway/Morning/Friday

[Daria, Jane, and Connor are at Jane's locker. Jane's taking out some stuff, Connor's once again trying franticly to get his locker open.]

Connor: (gives up) To hell with it. Either of you got a pen or something I could borrow?

Daria: Sure. (opens her backpack and gets out a pencil)

Connor: Thanks. (leans against the locker and slams his head into it, it flies open, pushing him away) Um...(slightly blushing) Nevermind.


Scene 16


Lawndale High, Mr. O'Neil's room/Morning/Friday

[Mr. O'Neil is for some reason or another talking with students about career goals.]

Mr. O'Neil: How about you Kevin?

Kevin: Me? I'm the QB!

Mr. O'Neil: Yes...but what are your career ambitions?

Daria: (to Jane and Connor) To not overcook the fries. (they smirk)

Kevin: Hey! I know how to cook fries! Just set the microwave to umm....twenty? Is that right?

Mr. O'Neil: (sighs) What about you, umm...(checks seating chart) Connor?

Connor: Well, I always thought it would be cool to work for the mob. You know, get to know a good hitman or two.

Mr. O'Neil: Uh...

Connor: Or maybe a dealer in Vegas. They get in good with hitmen, too.

[Mr. O'Neil sits down in his desk with his head in his hands, probably crying, Daria and Jane smirk approvingly.]


Scene 17

INT: Lawndale High, Hallway/Before lunch/Friday

[Daria, Jane, and Connor are standing at Jane's locker. Jane is putting stuff away, Connor is still trying to get his locker open.]

Daria: I still can't believe you made Mr. O'Neil cry.

Jane: You are learning well, young grasshopper.

Connor: (smirks) Learning from the best. (remembers something) Oh, Daria, I'll be at your house around 5:30. I have to run back to the apartment and drop my stuff off. (tries his combination again) Oh, come on. (tries again, not working) Damnit. (bangs his head into the locker, which remains closed)

[Daria and Jane give him a strange look.]

Connor: (shrugs) It worked before.

Jane: (digs through her locker and pulls out a pair of wire cutters) Here, try these.

Connor: I could, if I wanted to get busted for vandalism.

Jane: Huh?

Connor: Using wire cutters would destroy the lock, wouldn't it?

Daria: (takes the wire cutters from Jane) You don't cut the lock.

Connor: Then how do you open it with wire cutters?

[Daria hits Connor's locker with the wire cutters until it opens.]

Daria: Like that.

[Connor smirks and puts his stuff away.]




Scene 1

INT: Morgandorfer House/Late Afternoon/Friday

[Daria is sitting on the couch watching TV and Quinn is sitting in the chair reading 'Waif'. It's about 5:30. The doorbell rings]

Quinn: (rushes to answer the door) Who could this be, my date's not supposed to be here for another hour. (answers the door) Oh. It's you.

Connor: (sarcastic) Good to see you too. Where's Daria?

Quinn: Over there. (points to the couch)

Connor: Thanks.

Quinn: Well aren't you going to say something about my outfit? (she's wearing the same thing she did when she went out with Skyler in "Pinch Sitter")

Connor: (walks by without actually looking) Yes. You look like a whore.

Quinn: Hmph! Who asked you?

Connor: (stops, looks toward Quinn) You did.

[Quinn storms off, Daria smirks]

Connor: What a... (walks into the living room) Hey Daria. (smiles)

Daria: Hey.

[There is a sound of an SUV pulling into the driveway]

Daria: Oh's home. Come on, let's get upstairs before she comes in.

Connor: That's ok. I don't mind.

Daria: Who said anything about you?


Scene 2


Morgandorfer House, Daria's Room/Evening, about 5:47/Friday

Connor: Padded walls. (leans against the door, looking around) Cool. (looks at the floor and takes notice of the skull) Woah! Isn't that one of those authentic human skull replicas? Made with ground cattle bones?

Daria: That would be.

Connor: (kneels down to get a better look) Man. I've been saving for one of these things for months.

Daria: Yeah. Kind of expensive. (Car horn blows) And that would be Jane.

Connor: Alright.


Scene 3


Some street in town/ Evening, around 6:10/ Friday

[Jane, Daria, and Connor are in Trent's car, following the Tank. Jane is driving and Daria is riding shotgun. Connor is sitting in the middle of the back seat leaning forward.]

Connor: This is a car?

Daria: It's supposed to be.

Jane: Just had it tuned up. For 15 bucks.

Daria: That's it? Are you sure we should be driving this?

Jane: What? Come on, don't tell me you don't notice how smooth it's running?

Daria: Hm..(they hit a bump and the all get knock a couple inches off their seat) Not really, no.

Jane: Remember Trent's 'Happy Herb' jingle? The new tires?

Daria: Oh yeah. But what does that have to do with how the car's running?

Jane: Well, he agreed to do another one if he could have a good price on a tune up.

Daria: I could understand that, but don't you think the price was a little to good?

[There is then a loud noise as the car slows down and pulls off to the curb. There is smoke coming from under the hood.]

Jane: You just have to jinx everything, don't you Daria?


Scene 4


Same street/ Evening, about 6:36/ Friday

[Powerman5000, "Blast Off to Nowhere" plays in background. Daria, Jane, and Connor are gathered in front of the open hood, there is still smoke.]

Connor: (looking into the engine) Does anyone else notice that those wires are being held together by a paper clip and chewing gum?

Jane: I believe we've came to that conclusion. (gets an idea) right back! (Jane gets back into the car and rummages through the glove compartment, Daria and Connor exchange looks) Ah ha! Got it. (Jane walks back around to the engine with the Stigmata 5000) This'll help.

Daria: Keep that thing away from me. (steps to the other side of Connor)

Connor: (looks at the Stigmata 5000) A glue gun?

Jane: (proud) Finest glue gun on the market.

Connor: And I suppose that's better than gum?

Jane: Fixed the tank.

Connor: The what?

Daria: The tank. Mystik Spiral's van. Or what they pass off as a van.

Connor: Mystik Spiral? There's not gonna be any Doors covers tonight is there? (Daria smirks, Jane gets that considering look from act I then shakes her head again)

Jane: (uses the glue gun and does the same thing from "The Road Warrior") There. (gets in the car and turns on the ignition, it runs smoothly) See? Now what other glue gun could do that?

Connor: (quietly, to Daria) Any one being used by someone crazy enough to try it. (Daria smirks)


Scene 5

The Zen/ Evening, about 8:00/ Friday

[Mystik Spiral is well into their first set, the crowd doesn't really seem to notice they're actually there. Daria, Jane, and Connor are near the back at a table. One of those high ones you need stools to sit at.]

Connor: (to Daria) You were right. Not a chance. (Daria smirks)

Jane: What?

Daria: Nothing.

Jane: Come on, what?

Daria: Nothing you need to be overly concerned about.

Jane: (gets the clue) You two have an in joke, don't you.

Connor: Not a joke, really. More of a...opinion.

Jane: (raises an eyebrow) Uh huh.

Daria: (change of subject) So where's Tom anyway?

Jane: Went away for Thanksgiving.

Daria: Thanksgiving was last week.

Jane: Yes, but they stayed another week. He'll be home tomorrow morning. I'm meeting him at the airport and we'll catch up.

Daria: Sounds exciting.

Jane: Doesn't it.

[Mystik Spiral starts playing "Behind My Eyelids"]

Connor: (raises an eyebrow) Behind my eyelids? What's that supposed to mean?

Daria: That's nothing. There are ones that make less sense than that.

Connor: Is that possible? (Daria smirks)


[Mystik Spiral is now ending their first set.]

Trent: Thanks. We're Mystik Spiral, but we're thinking of changing the name. We'll be back with the second set. (a couple polite claps, the guys put down their instruments and come off the stage. Nick and Max go their own ways and Trent and Jesse join Jane, Daria, and Connor.)

Jesse: Were we great up there or what!

Connor: (dripping with sarcasm) Oh yeah, stupendous.

Trent: (to Jesse) C'mon man. Let's find Nick and Max before they kill each other.

Jesse: Yeah. Again. (Trent and Jesse exit)

Jane: (to Daria) So what did you think of loverboy this evening?

Daria: Shut up.

Connor: Loverboy?

Jane: Trent.

Daria: Shut up.

Connor: Oh.

Daria: I am not going out with Trent.

Connor: Oh ok. (slight smile)

Jane: But you wanna.

[Daria kicks Jane under the table]

Jane: OW! God I think you broke my leg.

Daria: Because I can't reach your neck.

[Connor laughs. Daria and Jane glare at him]

Connor: What?

[Daria and Jane both kick him under the table. He falls out of his chair. He has coffee split all over his shirt. He looks up at them.]

Jane: You ok?

Connor: (sitting up) Huh? Fine. (falls back down)

[Daria and Jane look at each other and shrug]


Scene 6


Apartments where Connor lives/ Late night/ Friday

[ Caroline's Spine, "Wallflower" plays in background.]



Connor's room in their apartment/ Late Night/ Friday

[ Connor is lying on his back in a bed with a black comforter. His hair is wet and in front of his eyes, obviously he showers before bed. He's wearing a gray T-shirt with black rings around the sleeves and neck, and black and gray plaid pajama pants. He turns his head and looks at a clock. It's 2:28. Connor gets up out of the bed and goes to a desk in the corner and turns the monitor of his iMac on. He clicks and types something, he's at "" He types in 'Morgandorffor' and 'Lawndale, CT.' Connor takes out a piece of paper and writes something on it and places it next to the phone that's beside the computer, turns the monitor off, and gets back in bed.]


Scene 7


Morgandorfer House/Saturday/Morning

[The Verve Pipe, "Villains" plays in background]


Morgandorfer House/Saturday/Morning/Daria's Room

[Music plays softer in background. Daria is still in bed in her normal bedclothes, blue shirt yellow shorts. Phone rings]

Quinn: (VO) I'll get it! (we hear a crash) Sorry daddy!



Morgandorfer House/Saturday/Morning/Living Room

[Quinn picks up the phone, she's already dressed.]

Quinn: Hello? (pause) What? (pause) Who is this? (pause) Why do you want to talk to her? (pause) YOU WHAT? (pause) Fine! (walks up the stairs)



Morgandorfer House/Saturday/Morning/Daria's Room

[Quinn shoves open the door and tosses Daria the phone, we see the phone hit Daria in the head]

Quinn: (VO) It's for you! (storms off)

Daria: (muffled, she just woke up member??) Huh? (pause, sits up) Oh, hey Connor.

[Split Screen of Daria in her room, and Connor on a couch in his apartment, wearing a black T-shirt with white thermal under it, and dark blue jeans, his hair is spiked now. His jacket is thrown over the back of the couch.]

Connor: Hey Daria. What's up?

Daria: Um nothing. How did you get this number?

Connor: It's easy when you have a phone book. Well actually, I used the web. But that makes me sound like a geek.

Daria: (jokingly) I thought you were a geek.

Connor: (smirks) Technicalities. (Daria smirks) Anyway, found it at WhoWhere dot com. Plus, I didn't figure there were too many Morgandorffers in Lawndale.

Daria: I guess you have a point.

Connor: I didn't wake you up did I?

Daria: No. Quinn hitting me on the head with the phone did that.

Connor: (slight chuckle) Sorry. Guess it upset her that it wasn't for her.

Daria: Guess so.

Connor: Yeah. Um anyway...(very shyly, and if you don't know by now he likes her, shame on you) I was uhh...wondering if you...wanted to You know....since uhh...Jane's busy with that uhh...Tom and all...

Daria: Um ok sure. Like what?

Connor:(shy) I was kind of thinking you could me around. But we'll figure it out when I get there. (they both smirk) I'm still new y'know. Well uh...I'll see you in about two hours. Is that ok?

Daria: Sounds good. See ya then.

Connor: See ya.


Scene 8


Morgandorfer House/Saturday/One hour and fifty five minutes later/Living Room

[Daria is dressed and sitting on the couch watching TV. Quinn enters.]

Quinn: Hey Daria. You haven't seen a Jag pull into the driveway have you?

Daria: (still too tired for sarcasm) No.

Quinn: Ok. (sits down in the chair) So Daria, who was that guy on the phone this morning?

Daria: A guy I know.

Quinn: Who? It didn't sound like that weird artsy friend of yours brother.

Daria: (sighs) It was high commander Kleebo. The aliens are coming back to take me home. I did tell you about the aliens right?

Quinn: *God* Daria you are so...

[There's a loud crash followed by Jake falling down the stairs, with Christmas lights falling down after him.]


[Daria and Quinn exchange glances then roll their eyes. There is a knock at the door]

Quinn: That's for me! (she rushes over and opens the door, only to see Connor standing there) Who are *you*?

Connor: Connor. You came onto me the other day. And yesterday.

Quinn: Oh yea. What are you doing here? Finally change your mind?

Connor: Actually, I'm here for Daria.

Daria: (comes in from offscreen) Later. (evil smirk at Quinn)


Scene 9


Connor's "Car"/Saturday/Afternoon

[Connor is driving, Daria's riding shotgun]

Daria: I still can't believe you drive a hearse.

Connor: (proud smirk) I know.

Daria: How'd you manage to get this anyway?

Connor: My uncle used to own a funeral home. It burnt down in a fire, but he didn't really want to rebuild. So he got rid of all the hearses and such. Gave me this one.

Daria: Not a bad deal.

Connor: Yeah. (shy mode) So uhh...what do you wanna do?

Daria: I don't know. I don't get out much.

Connor: Hmm...

Daria: Well, Quinn and the fashion freaks are going to the mall...(gets an idea) Wait a minute...

Connor: (evil smirk) Do I sense something brewing in that conniving mind of yours?


Scene 10


Lawndale Mall/Afternoon/Saturday (snowing)

[Parking lot at the mall. It's been snowing so the parking lot is of course slick. Since it's four weeks till Christmas there's hardly a spot there. (hey, if it's anything like my town, it could happen that early)]

Connor: (looking pissed) WELL BEEP TO YOU TOO BUDDY! (we see a guy flipping Connor off) Damn. Now I remember why I hate Christmas. (a guy furiously honks his horn at Connor) Holiday spirit my ass!

Daria: (pointing to a spot in the middle of a row) I think that guy's backing out.

Connor: Buckle up.

Daria: Huh?

Connor: Just hold on.

[Connor speeds the car just as the guy that was in the spot backs out. However, the car is speeding on a slippery road and begins to spin. Connor slams the breaks and the car spins perfectly into the spot.]

Daria: (a little shaken up) Damn...

Connor: We got the space....


Scene 11



[ American Pearl, "Automatic" plays in background.]


INT: Mall/Food Court/Saturday Afternoon

[ Connor and Daria sitting at a table's good. Jodie and Mack are walking down one of those little pathway thingies that follows the places in a food court. People who have been to one know what I mean.]

Mack: (seeing Daria sitting with Connor) Hey, isn't that Daria?

Jodie: (holding 3 bags) Yeah. And isn't that the new guy?

Mack: Yeah. The one Mr. O'Neil's scared of.

Jodie: Think we should go say hello?

Mack: (shrugs) Do you?


INT: Mall/Food Court/Saturday Afternoon

[At the table where Daria and Connor are.]

Connor: And that's the only reason she calls you her cousin?

Daria: Yeah. That would be it.

Connor: Harsh. Oh well, don't pay any attention to her. Besides, who knows, in ten years you'll probably be a renowned author making millions while her and her little friends are flipping burgers at McDonald's.

Daria: Please. They wouldn't do that. Grease stains.

Connor: (smirks) Oh yeah.

[We see Jodie and Mack walk up to the table.]

Jodie: Hey Daria.

Daria: Whatever it is, no.

Jodie: Oh come on. This is a Saturday.

Mack: Yeah, she only selicates Monday through Friday.

Daria: Alright, have a..(Jodie and Mack sit down), then.

Jodie: So what are you two doing here?

Connor: Plotting the overthrow of the US government. (Jodie, Mack, and Daria smirk)

Mack: Are you two related or something?

Connor: No, why?

Jodie: That sounds like something Daria would say.

Daria: It is something I would say. I have before.

Connor: Well that's about creepy.

Jodie: Yeah. So what are you two really doing here? I thought you hated the mall Daria?

Daria: I do. But I never pass up the opportunity to torture my sister. (the three others smirk)

Connor: Speak of the she-devil. (nods to where he sees Quinn and the Fashion Club walking down the pathway thing with the three J's and some other guy, going out toward the shopping area though) What are they...quadruple dating or something?

Daria: Something. I'll bet anything the guys are all with Quinn.

Jodie: She's not very picky, is she?

Mack: Yeah. Those guys are at the bottom of the intellectual chain.

Daria: She wants someone she's smarter than.

Connor: Then that would rule out almost all species of fungi, wouldn't it? (the others smirk)


Scene 12


The mall, shopping area/Afternoon/Saturday

[Jodie, Mack, Daria, and Connor are walking through the mall. Jodie and Mack are holding hands.]

Daria: So why aren't you doing some kind of activity today?

Jodie: It's my day off. Plus, if I don't get my Christmas shopping done today, it'll never get done. I'm booked solid the whole month. (Mack's expression shows he's upset about this) And I needed a day to spend with Mack, since we never see each other.

Connor: It was just coincidental that you ran into two more people. Get your quality time while you can. We're all going to die come the millenium you know.

Jodie: I thought that was last year?

Daria: The millenium isn't technically until this year.

Jodie: Right, I forgot about that.

Daria: (notices Quinn and the Fashion club walking down the mall) Oh no. Even when outside the house I can't avoid her.

Connor: Yeah. (gets an idea) Say...wouldn't it kill your sister to see you on a date?

Daria: Are you kidding? She'd keel over on the spot.

Connor: (mischievous grin) Well...I've always wanted to see someone keel over. (looks towards Jodie and Mack) And I know what would make it even better.

Mack: (gets what Connor's saying) Seeing her on a double with the captain of the football team and student body president?

Connor: Bingo. (Daria and Jodie both look confused, Mack and Connor have evil grins. Connor sees the Fashion Club getting closer)

Daria: What?

Connor: Just play along. (takes her hand. Daria blushes a bit, but then sees what he's doing and gets an evil grin)

[ The Fashion Club get closer to them, and Sandi notices Daria and Connor.]

Sandi: Say, Quinn, isn't that your weird cousin or whatever?

Quinn: Yeah. So?

Sandi: With a guy?

Quinn: (shrieks) What?! (Sandi points to Daria and Connor, who are holding hands and walking with Jodie and Mack)

Sandi: And on a double with Jodie and Mack?

Quinn: AHH! (collects herself) Don't worry, Sandi. I'll find out what's going on. (walks up to Daria, Connor, Jodie, and Mack, the Fashion Club is right behind her.) Okay, what's going on here?

Connor: Just enjoying our Saturday. Right, Daria?

Daria: That's right. Enjoying a nice Saturday. At the mall.

Quinn: (annoyed) No! I mean with that! (indicates Daria and Connor holding hands)

Connor: What? A guy's not allowed to take a girl out on a Saturday?

Quinn: Not Daria. No freaking way....wait a minute. This is a...a...a date?!

Connor: (nods) Yeah, so?

Quinn: Ahh! (passes out. the four, plus the Fashion Club look at her)

Sandi: Quinn?

Daria: (smirks, to Connor, Jodie, and Mack) Told ya.


Scene 13


Lane House, Living Room/Afternoon/Saturday

[Jane and Tom are sitting on the couch talking/watching TV.]

Tom: Are you sure we shouldn't go see Daria? I mean, don't you feel bad about leaving her alone again?

Jane: Nah, I'm sure she found something to do. In fact, I'd almost guarantee she did.

Tom: If you say so.

Jane: (stands up) Anyway, I need to go pick up some art supplies at that new art store that just opened at the mall. Coming?

Tom: (also gets up) Sure.


Scene 14


Lawndale Mall/Afternoon/Saturday

[ Slipknot, "Wait and Bleed" plays in background.]



Lawndale Mall, outside some music store/Afternoon/Saturday

[Daria, Connor, Jodie, and Mack are standing around outside some music store.]

Connor: That had to have been the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Mack: Yeah. She just...went into shock or something.

Jodie: (a little disgusted but also amused) Don't you feel bad about that at all?

Daria: As bad as she feels when she denies having a sibling?

Jodie: Oh. I see your point. But pretending to be on a date?

Daria: (shrugs) Whatever works.

Connor: Yeah...(obviously a little disappointed about the pretending part)

Jodie: Anyway, Daria, I need your help with something.

Daria: My help?

Jodie: Yes. Come on.

[Jodie practically drags Daria into the music store. Mack and Connor exchange glances then shrug and sit down on a bench outside the store. Connor has some sort of lustful grin, Mack notices.]

Mack: You like her, don't you?

Connor: (wasn't paying attention, snapped back to reality) Huh?

Mack: Daria, you like her?

Connor: (tries to think of a reason, but decides there's no use in denying) What tipped you off?

Mack: Well for one, the fact that you were so eager to make this look like a date.

Connor: Anyone would have done that to see Quinn fall like a sack of bricks.

Mack: True, but you also smile every time she says one word. And the fact that you've been staring at her through the window since we sat down.

Connor: Oh yeah. Don't tell anyone, okay? Especially Jodie.

Mack: Don't worry man. I've been there. You can trust me.

Connor: (you can tell he's never really trusted anyone and isn't too sure about trusting Mack) Thanks...


Inside the music store/Afternoon/Saturday

Daria: So what did you need my help with?

Jodie: You listen to blues right?

Daria: Yeah, occasionally. Why?

Jodie: So does Mack, but I don't have the slightest clue about it. I need some help from someone who does.

Daria: Why not just ask him who he likes?

Jodie: Because then he'd know what he was getting.

Daria: Yes, and seeing you in the blues section of a record store won't tip him off at all.

Jodie: (sighs) Daria...



[Jane and Tom are walking out of an art supply store (which is across the hall from the music store), Jane has two rather large bags full of stuff, Tom's carrying another one. Jane sees Connor and Mack sitting on the bench.]

Jane: Hey, that's Connor.

Tom: Who?

Jane: Connor. The new guy I told you about.

Tom: Oh yeah. Want to go say hello?

Jane: Sure. (gets that considering look again) I can almost guarantee that Daria's nearby.


[ Mack and Connor are still seated on the bench in front of the music store. Mack is watching the people passing by, while Connor is watching Daria through the windows. Jane sneaks up behind Connor and notices he's looking at Daria.]

Jane: See something you like, or are you just browsing?

Connor: (startled, jumps up and turns around) Huh? (sees Jane) Oh, hey Jane. Hey...uh...

Jane: Connor, Tom. Tom, Connor.

Tom/Connor: Hi/Hey

Mack: (notices Jane and Tom) Hey guys.

Jane: Mack. (to Connor) So, what brings you here amigo?

Connor: Uh...nothing. Daria was just...showing me around...

Jane: The mall. Where she hates going. Where she would never go to even to save her life.

Connor: Uh...yeah.

Mack: (grins) Never passes up the chance to humiliate Quinn.

Jane: Princess Grace was here?

Connor: (gets the same evil grin) Yeah.

Jane: (raises an eyebrow) I gotta hear this story.

[Daria and Jodie exit the music store, Jodie's carrying another bag.]

Daria: Hear what story?

Tom: The recent humiliation of Princess Grace.

Jodie: You mean the keeling over of Princess Grace.

(Tom and Jane both raise an eyebrow)


Scene 15


Lawndale Mall, Food Court/Afternoon/Saturday

[Daria, Connor, Jodie, Mack, Jane, and Tom are sitting at a table in the food court.]

Jane: She passed out?

Connor: She was out cold for at least twenty minutes.

Tom: I always thought seeing Daria on a date would freak her out, but that's just...

Jane: (interrupting) Another time without me and my video camera.

Daria: It was a Kodak moment. (Connor smirks)

Jane: Just too bad Trent wasn't here, eh?

Daria: Watch it, Lane.

Jane: What? It's not my fault you've had a thing for sleeping beauty since you first saw him. (Daria kicks Jane from under the table) Ow!


Scene 16


Lawndale Mall, Parking lot/Late afternoon, early evening/Saturday

[Godsmack, "Time Bomb" plays in background.]


[Close up of Daria, Connor, Jane, and Tom. Let's assume Jodie and Mack decided to stay inside. Jane and Tom are checking out Connor's hearse.]

Jane: (walking around it like a buzzard) This is so cool.

Connor: You said that already.

Jane: Well it is.

Tom: How'd you get a hearse anyway?

Connor: Uncle owned a funeral home that burnt down.

Tom: Cool.

Jane: (opens the back thing) Woah! There's even a coffin back here!

Connor: Free gift. (Daria and Tom smirk, Jane crawls into the back and opens the coffin)

Jane: Damn. Woulda been better with a corpse.

Daria: It can be arranged. Hop in. (Connor smirks)

Jane: (looks like she's actually considering for a minute) Nah.

[The Fashion Club walk past them, looking freaked out by the hearse, but trying to look like they aren't paying attention.]

Connor: No one said it had to be Jane. (Daria smirks)


Scene 17


Connor's Hearse/Early Evening/Saturday

[Connor is driving and Daria is riding shotgun. Assume Tom and Jane stayed at the mall longer or did something else. Who knows.]

Connor: (kinda shy) I can honestly say, that was one of my more interesting days.

Daria: And to think, it was spent in Lawndale. Just doesn't seem right.

Connor: (smirks) True. But then keep in mind I've never played part in making someone fall over like a sack of manure before.

Daria: You've got one thing right. She is full of bull. (Connor smirks)


Scene 18


Tom's Car, some road/Early Evening/Saturday

[Tom's driving, Jane's riding shotgun.]

Jane: That was strange...

Tom: What?

Jane: Daria. At the mall. With Connor.

Tom: So, nothing wrong with going somewhere with a friend.

Jane: He just moved here. She's known him for five days.

Tom: I don't see the big deal. We knew each other for less than five minutes.

Jane: This is Daria we're talking about here. We were completely different.

Tom: Not really. You're acting just like she did when we....wait a minute. You're worried that this guy's gonna replace you, aren't you?

Jane: (defensive) No! And I did not replace her.

Tom: No, but you rearranged priorities.

Jane: So?

Tom: So, you're afraid that's what Daria's going to do.

Jane: Nah. Daria knows the value of a friend.

Tom: I know. And right now, she's the only one that guy has.

[Jane gets a thoughtful look, then a regretful one.]




Scene 1


Morgandorffer House/Early Evening/Saturday

[Jake is outside putting up Christmas lights and what-not. Connor's hearse pulls up to the driveway.]



Connor's Hearse, which is now in the Morgandorffer's driveway/Early Evening/Saturday

[Connor's in the driver's seat and Daria's getting out. There's a loud crash.]

Jake: GAH!! Damnit! Not again!

[Daria and Connor exchange glances.]

Daria: I better go help Jake untangle himself from the lights.

Connor: (notices something in the front yard) Is that a plastic candy cane?

Daria: (sighs, obviously not fond of it) Yes.

Connor: I never pictured you one for holiday spirit.

Daria: I'm not. But my family...

[Quinn comes out of the house with a large file folder full of papers.]

Quinn: Daddy, I finished my list like you told me to...(notices Daria and Connor) Oh, you're back.

Connor: (sees the folder) That's all a list?

Quinn: No! Of course not! This is only one fourth of it. (Connor raises an eyebrow, Daria shakes her head)

[Jake comes up, still tangled in Christmas lights.]

Jake: Hey kiddo!

Connor: (slightly amused) Kiddo?

Daria: Don't ask.

Jake: You have a list too, kiddo?

Daria: (sarcasm, surprise surprise) Yeah, it's hidden in my unicorn trinket box. Let me run up and get it.

Jake: (clueless) Okay! (leaves)

[Daria puts her hand on her forehead, Connor is trying his best to stifle a laugh.]


Scene 2


Morgandorffer House, Daria's room/Evening/Saturday

[Daria is sitting on her bed and Connor's standing against the wall by the window.]

Connor: Thanks again for inviting me in. Mom's having a client over for dinner. I'm pretty sure she'd just as soon not have me around.

Daria: What makes you think that?

Connor: She said she'd just as soon not have me around. (Daria smirks)

[There's a knock at the door.]

Helen: (OS) Daria.

Daria: You have reached the room of Daria Morgandorffer. She's not in right now, but if you'd leave your name and request, she'll be sure not to get back to you. (Connor smirks)

Helen: (OS) Very funny Daria. (opens the door) I would appreciate it if you'd stop...(sees Connor, in shock that there's a guy with her) Oh, I didn't know you had company.

Daria: Yes. I would like you to meet the high commander. My mission is over, I can now return home. (Connor smirks, Helen sighs)

Connor: (decides it would be for the best if he introduced himself) Hey, Mrs. Morgandorffer. (extends a hand) I'm Connor.

Helen: Hello. (shakes his hand) Daria, I came to tell you dinner was ready. Perhaps your friend would like to stay?

Daria: (obviously uncomfortable about this) Well...uh...

Connor: (to the rescue) I would love to, Mrs. Morgandorffer, but actually, I was hoping I could take Daria to dinner tonight. If that's okay with you, of course.

Helen: (in shock) Well...sure. I...suppose that would be alright...

Connor: Thanks. (to Daria) C'mon, we better go. It was nice meeting you Mrs. Morgandorffer.

[Connor and Daria exit. Helen remains standing there in complete shock.]


Scene 3


Pizza King/Evening/Saturday

[Incubus, "Crowded Elevator" plays in background.]



Pizza King/Evening/Saturday

[Jane and Tom are sitting across from each other in a corner both.]

Jane: (oblivious to everything except the subject at hand) I still can't believe she would hang out with him after knowing him five days.

Tom: (getting tired of this) I still can't believe you're talking about this.

Jane: (oblivious) I mean, yes, he did come to the gig last night, but that was completely different...

Tom: You were there?

Jane: ...I was there. (catches on) Hey! That's not the only reason. (Tom looks at her) Okay, okay. So maybe it is. It's just weird you know. It's not like her.

Tom: Did you ever stop to think that maybe she likes hanging out with him? He seems like a nice guy.

Jane: (shrugs) I guess. I can't really talk about this without being hypocritical, can I?

Tom: Not really. (Jane smirks a little)

[Jodie and Mack come through the doors and see Jane and Tom. They walk over to them.]

Jodie: Hey guys, mind if we join you?

Jane: Have a seat. (she and Tom scoot down)

[Mack sits beside Tom and Jodie has a seat beside Jane.]

Mack: So what's this evening's topic of conversation?

Jane: Just talking about Daria's change of pace.

Mack: Huh?

Tom: Jane thinks Daria's acting weird because she's been hanging out with Connor all day.

Jane: Not weird. Just not like her.

Jodie: That does make sense. I've never seen her take so well to a person so quickly.

Mack: (shrugs) Maybe she likes him.

Jane: Ha! It takes her longer than this to earn a person's trust, let alone like them.

Mack: Yeah, but how long did it take you to like Tom?

Jodie: He's got a point. Maybe Daria just likes to be with a guy that has an interest in spending time with her.

Mack: (wants to share his information, but knows he can't) Yeah. Maybe she just wants to feel like you. (the others look at him) What? (sees Daria and Connor enter the Pizza King) And speaking of which...

[Daria and Connor notice them and walk up to the booth.]

Connor: Hey guys.

Jodie: Hey. We were just...(Jane elbows her)...not talking about you at all.

Jane: (mumbles) That was smooth.

[Daria and Connor exchange glances.]

Connor: Do you mind if we join you?

Daria: Or would you like to not talk about us some more?

Jane: (uncomfortable laugh) Have a seat.

[Jane, Jodie, Tom, and Mack scoot down. Daria sits on the side with the girls, Connor with the guys.]

Jane: (a sorry attempt at conversation) So, you two been together all day?

Daria: Yeah, so? You've been with Tom all day.

Jane: Well I didn't say anything was wrong with it.

[The others look quite uncomfortable.]

Jodie: (desperate for a change of subject) So, Daria, I though you had to stay home tonight?

Daria: (smirks) Got out of that one.

Mack: How'd you manage that?

Connor: I kissed up to her mom.

Mack: What's that have to do with her?

Connor: Told her I wanted to take Daria to dinner.

Daria: Put her in shock. (Daria and Connor smirk)

Connor: Guess you had to be there.

Jane: (couldn't say a worse thing right now) So, basically Connor's just here to help you put people into a state of shock?

Daria: (getting a tad angry) What?

Jane: (ok, so she could say something worse) Yeah, pretending to be on a date to humiliate Princess Grace, then pretending to take you out so you can get out of spending the evening at home.

Connor: Well, I am paying so technically...

Daria: (interrupts, getting very angry, but still remaining calm) So, let me get this straight, you can go out with Tom whenever you damn well feel like it, and leave me with nothing but the cracks in my ceiling. And yet, I'm not allowed have another friend because makes you feel left out because you're forced to spend time with your boyfriend.

Jane: (getting defensive) Now wait just a minute here Daria...

Daria: I'm sick of waiting just a minute. I'm out of here. (gets up and walks out)

Connor: Daria?

[Everyone looks at Jane.]

Jane: (looking remorseful already) What?

[Everyone rolls their eyes. Connor gets up and goes after Daria.]


Scene 4


Sidewalk a block or so from Pizza King/Evening (dark already)/Saturday

[Silverchair, "Black Tangled Heart" plays in background.]


[Close up of Daria as she walks down the sidewalk. Connor comes up behind her.]

Connor: Hey, Daria.

Daria: (was spaced out) Huh? (notices Connor) Oh, hey.

Connor: (gets in front of Daria and starts walking backwards) I know it's probably not my business, but what happened back there?

Daria: You're right, it isn't any of your business.

[Connor gives her one of those "do you want to talk about it" looks.]

Daria: (sighs and stops) But I guess I'll have to tell you anyway.

Connor: (slight smile) Only if you trust me.


Scene 5


Back in the Pizza King/Evening/Saturday

[Tom, Mack, Jodie, and Jane are still sitting in the booth. It's been quiet since Daria and Connor left]

Tom: I probably shouldn't be asking, but what was that?

Jane: Pineapple and clam. Definitely no more seafood on pizza.

[The others try to smirk, but no luck.]

Tom: Yeah, that was gross, but I wasn't talking about the pizza.

Jane: What then?

Mack: I think he was talking about that whole thing with Daria.

Jane: (doesn't want to talk about that) Oh, that. No big deal.

Jodie: No big deal? You just started World War III with your best friend.

Jane: It'll blow over.

Tom: Just like last time?

Jane: Uh...yes?

Tom: Face it Jane. You two never got over the last time.

Mack: What was that about anyway?

Jane: Daria thought I replaced her when I met Tom. But we got over that.

Jodie: Apparently not. The situation more or less just got reversed.

[Jane has a really regretful look on her face.]


Scene 6


Some park, close to the Pizza King/Almost night, already dark/Saturday

[3 Doors Down, "Loser" plays in background.]


[Daria and Connor are sitting on a bench near the center of the park.]

Connor: You thought she was replacing you?

Daria: Not replacing really...

Connor: (obviously knows the feeling) Daria, people always get like that when they start a relationship or even just meet someone new, but you can never replace a best friend. I know how it feels. (told ya) Being the third wheel and everything, but it doesn't last long. I mean, you two have been fine for the time I've known you. All five days...but still...

Daria: That's true, but I already said I was over all of that.

Connor: (shrugs) Someone must not be over it if you're fighting again.

Daria: I guess.

Connor: The situation's just reversed this time.

Daria: What?

Connor: Jane feels threatened by you spending time with me. She thinks your rearranging priorities. She doesn't want it to happen again because of what happened last time. Why else would she have said that stuff about me?

Daria: Yeah, you have a point. But she shouldn't have a problem with you. You just moved here. No offense, but you're far from being a priority.

Connor: (smirks) You always know how to make a guy feel special don't you. (Daria smirks) But, Jane had just met Tom, and you had a problem with it right?

Daria: Yeah, but it was a new thing then. Like you said, this has all happened before. And it's not like I'm going to start dating you or anything.

Connor: (slightly disappointed, but not showing it) Yeah. Well...maybe you should try telling her that, then.

Daria: (sighs) You're right. Thanks, Connor.

Connor: Don't mention it.

[Daria leaves, Connor remains sitting there, looking a little depressed. Screen fades to black.]


Scene 7


Lawndale High/Morning/Monday

[Limp Bizkit, "Rearanged" plays in background.]



Lawndale High, Hallways/Morning/Monday

[Jane is at her locker taking a couple books out. Connor walks up and leans against his locker and looks at Jane.]

Connor: You seen Daria this morning?

Jane: Who?

Connor: (looks concerned) Excuse me?

Jane: (very bitter) Daria who?

Connor: (even more concerned) What happened?

Jane: We met. (she takes her books and leaves)

[Jodie and Mack, who have whitnessed the whole thing, walk up to Connor.]

Mack: Something tells me they're still fighting.

Connor: Oh really.

Mack: Call it a hunch.

Jodie: (to Connor) He saw Daria with a Jane voodoo doll this morning.

Connor: (raises an eyebrow) Voodoo? Just out of curiosity, how long do these two hold grudges?

[Jodie and Mack exchange very worried glances. Connor looks extremely concerned.]


Scene 8

Montage sequence. Creed, "Is This the End" plays throughout montage.

[Daria, Jane, and Connor in Mr. DiMartino's room, Jane is sketching Daria with a pack of rabid wolves gnawing at her arms. Connor looks concerned.]

[Daria is standing next to Jane's locker with a stethascope, trying to break into it. Connor and Jodie are beside her, with concerned looks. The locker opens and a bucket of water pours out and drenches them all. The Fashion Club have whitnessed this and are (almost) all laughing. They walk past Jane, who watched from down the hall, and Sandi nods approvingly. Jane raises an eyebrow then looks sort of regretful.]

[Jane is walking through down the hall and slips in a puddle of water. Daria is standing around the corner with an empty bottle of spring water.]

[Connor is trying to talk some sense into Daria as she opens her locker. When the locker opens, it triggers a can of black spray paint, which sprays all over them. Jane is down the hall with a triumphant smirk.]

[Daria, Jane, and Connor are in Mr. O'Neil's room. Jane suddenly winces. Daria, whose glasses have black paint smears, is at her seat with a pin and Jane Voodoo doll. Connor shakes his head. Jodie and Mack, who are also in the room, look worried.]

[Jane and Tom are talking at the Pizza King. Daria and Connor enter, Daria sees Jane and leaves. Jane sees Daria and ducks under the table. Tom and Connor exchange worried looks.]

[Daria is walking down the sidewalk, being trailed by Connor, once again trying to talk some sense into her. Jane is behind a bush and throws a stick into the middle of the sidewalk, which Daria trips over, her glasses breaking in two.]

[Tom and Jane are outside Jane's house. Tom is trying to talk sense into Jane, when they are both hit with water balloons filled with green paint (yes you can do this). Daria is sitting in the tree beside the Lane driveway, smirking. The Fashion Club drives by and laughs. Daria gets the same regretful look.]



Scene 9


Lawndale High, Hallways/After school/Friday

[Jodie and Mack are following Jane down a hallway.]

Jodie: Come on Jane. You can't let this stupid fight with Daria drag on forever.

Jane: I'm not the one who started the whole thing.

Mack: Who cares who started it? Either one of you can stop it.

Jane: Not until Daria apologizes.

Jodie: Apologizes for what? Finally finding someone to be with when you're out with Tom?

[Jane immediately gets a look that says she finally realizes what she did. Then lets out a sigh and looks remorseful.]


Scene 10


Morgandorffer House/After school/Friday

[Fuel, "Sunburn" plays in background.]



Morgandorffer House, Daria's room/After school/Friday

[Daria is sitting on her bed and Connor is standing beside her.]

Connor: You know, you really should talk to Jane. This grudge is gonna last forever if one of you don't do something. I don't want to see that happen.

Daria: It doesn't involve you. Why are you so concerned anyway?

Connor: You two are best friends. I can't sit back and watch you two destroy each other and not do anything. Plus, it's all because of me anyway.

Daria: What makes you think that?

Connor: What upset Jane in the first place was you hanging out with me.

Daria: What upset Jane was how I acted when she first started dating Tom. The tension always been there. That was just an excuse.

Connor: Well, after trashing each other's stuff and getting each other soaked, you'd think the tension would be worn off.

Daria: True.

Connor: And not to mention having an action be approved by the Fashion Club.

[Daria gets a thoughtful, then remorseful look.]


Scene 11


Lane House/Morning/Saturday



Lane House, Jane's Room/Morning/Saturday

[Jane is holding a chordless phone. She presses in a number and holds the phone to her ear.]



Morgandorffer House, Daria's Room/Morning/Saturday

[Daria is laying in bed and her phone rings. She rolls over and answers it.]

Daria: Hello?


[Split screen of Daria and Jane.]

Jane: Ah, so those private lines do pay off. No perky Quinn first thing in the morning.

Daria: Jane?

Jane: The one and only. Listen Daria, I just wanted to...

Daria: Apologize.

Jane: Yeah.

Daria: Me too. I shouldn't have said that thing about you not letting me have another person around.

Jane: And I shouldn't have said that stuff about Connor just being around to freak people out.

Daria: And I shouldn't have made that voodoo doll.

Jane: I'd like to know how you did that. Anyway, I shouldn't have done all that stuff I did either.

Daria: Yeah. It was a little...immature.

Jane: Yeah. And you know something's wrong when the Fashion Club supports you.

Daria: You too huh?

Jane: Yeah. So...truce?

Daria: (shrugs) Sure. Truce.

Jane: So what do you say, pizza this afternoon?

Daria: Sure.


Scene 12


Pizza King/Afternoon/Saturday

[Connor, Tom, Jodie, and Mack are in a booth.]

Connor: Think they've worked it out yet?

Tom: I don't know. Maybe. I haven't heard any sirens today.

[The others smirk a little. Jodie sees something out of the corner of her eye and smiles.]

Jodie: I think that answers your question.

[Jodie jestures to Daria and Jane, who have just walked it. Jane is laughing her head off. Daria is carrying a Sandi voodoo doll.]

Jane: You have got to show me how you do that!

Daria: When you're ready.

Jane: (notices the others at a booth) Hey guys. (Daria and Jane walk up to them) Care if we sit?

Tom: Sure.

[They scoot down. The order is now, on one side, Mack, Tom, Jane. The other side, Jodie, Connor, Daria.]

Jane: Listen guys, we're really sorry.

Daria: Yeah. We came to the conclusion that our actions the past week have been juvenile and immature.

Jane: And uh...I'm sorry about the whole water and spray paint thing.

Connor: I still haven't got that out.

Jane: (smirks) Sorry.

Connor: Listen, I'm sorry too.

Jane: For what?

Connor: For being the excuse used to start this whole thing.

Jane: It was a thoughtless excuse. Meant nothing by it.

Connor: (smirks) Yeah I know. But maybe I should ask before intruding on a group of friends. (brief pause) So what do you say? Take me in?

Jane: Daria?

Daria: Hey, anyone who can make Mr. O'Neil cry is ok by me.

Jane: Alright then. Welcome to Lawndale. (Connor smiles)

[The Fashion Club enter.]

Jane: Hey, Daria, show that thing at it's best.

Daria: No problem.

[Daria takes a pin and sticks in it the foot of the Sandi doll.]

Sandi: OW! (trips and falls face first into a large pepperoni, sausage, and extra cheese pizza. Quinn stifles a laugh but looks at Daria sort of approvingly)

[Jodie, Mack, Tom, and Jane are cracking up. Daria and Connor look at each other and smirk.]

Connor: Is this normal?

Sandi: (OS) This is a velvet blouse!

Daria: Yes. This is a normal day.

Connor: (smirks at Daria) I think I might like it here.

Daria: (looks at Jane, Tom, Mack, and Jodie still laughing their butts off) Welcome to the club. (Connor smiles)




End Notes:

Well, this was my first fanfic, and the first in a series of fanfics starting the original gang, plus Connor Jablonski.

1) Obviously, you can tell the title of this is a play on Just Add Water. It's the best I could think of.

2) There's a few references to past Daria episodes, but anyone who's actually reading fanfic has to be familiar with the show.

3) The whole resurfacing of the 'Tom' feud was basically to show how Connor felt that he had intruded on something. I didn't cover that very well.

4) And I put Jodie and Mack in here so often because I personally admire them. Aside from Daria and Jane, they seem like the only sane people at Lawndale. I thought that they deserved more of a role. 

In later fics I'll elaborate more on the end notes, but since this is the first one, I really don't see a need for anything other than that. Once again, any questions, comments, or suggestion can be e-mailed to me at

Thanks for reading even though it wasn't good,


"Actually, I like school. It's just the people that pisses me off." - Myself