"Wannabes"
by Invisigoth Gypsy (IvG@garnetsigma.com)
http://www.garnetsigma.com
8-12-98

Summary: For a school project, Daria and the girls in her class film their own music video for the Spice Girls' song "Wannabe," which proves to be a very interesting experience for them... and for their cameraman, Trent.

Andrea's poem is loosely adapted from two poems a friend of mine actually wrote in one of her goth stages. Daria's poem is adapted from a poem of my own. Upchuck's poem is completely original. (Thank God.)






(Opening sequence ending in title screen: Daria in "Wannabes")

(Scene opens on Daria's class in Mr. O'Neill's room. They are supposed to be completing a writing assignment, but a pan around the room proves otherwise. Jane is sketching a picture of Mr. O'Neill as the Easter bunny, for some obscure reason. Pan to Brittany drawing hearts and flowers around her poem, which is quite short. Pull back to show Kevin on one side of her and Upchuck on the other, both watching her lustfully. Continue pan to show Jodie reading a book titled "50 Ways to Smile Your Way to Success", then to Daria, who is actually writing. Cut to Mr. O'Neill as he looks at his watch and stands up.)

MR. O'NEILL: Okay, everyone, time's up!

UPCHUCK: Damn.

MR. O'NEILL: Let's see what creative poems you've come up with! Who wants to go first? Brittany?

(Cut to Brittany as she stands up, beaming. She clears her throat.)

BRITTANY: Ahem. "Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like to cheer, and so should you!"

(She smiles brightly at Mr. O'Neill, then sits down.)

MR. O'NEILL: Umm... that's... very lovely, Brittany. What did *you* write, Charles?

(Upchuck stands up, looking crafty as usual.)

UPCHUCK: I call this little verse "An Ode to a Cheerleader."

BRITTANY: (excited) Ooh, you wrote about cheerleading *too*! Wow!

UPCHUCK: "Ah, my cheerleader, oh so fair/Combing out your golden hair/Short skirts are great when it is breezy/We are blessed that you're so easy/Hallowed--"

MR. O'NEILL: (hurriedly) Uh, that's enough, Charles. See me after class. Er, Andrea?

(Andrea stands up.)

ANDREA: "Ow! My eyes. They burn! It is dark. Oh, the darkness! I call for you, but you do not answer. Are you there? Am *I*?"

(She sits down. Cut to Jane as she leans over towards Daria.)

JANE: (whispering) I need to get a copy of that for Trent. It just reeks of a Mystik Spiral song.

(Cut back to Mr. O'Neill, looking less enthusiastic than before.)

MR. O'NEILL: (desperately) Daria?

(Cut to Daria as she stands up.)

DARIA: "A crystal key could open her heart/But never did she guess who would start/To turn her whole world in on itself/Her flags all unfurled and thrown on a shelf/With her heart skipping beats, she finally knew/No place to retreat from questions renewed/She slipped and she fell into something forbidden/She could never tell, her heart must be hidden/She didn't dare, but she lost anyway/Burned on the flare of a love gone astray."

(Daria sits down again. Cut to a shot of the whole class staring at her blankly. Cut to Mr. O'Neill, excited again.)

MR. O'NEILL: That's *wonderful*, Daria! (His face falls.) But the rest of you... (brightens) Well, maybe poetry just isn't your strong suit. Perhaps we need to try something that speaks to today's youth... Something that you actually *listen* to and understand...

(Cut to shot of Daria and Jane.)

DARIA: (sarcastically) That narrows it down to finding the hidden meaning in music videos.

(Cut to Mr. O'Neill.)

MR. O'NEILL: Music videos! That's a *wonderful* idea, Daria!

(Cut to Daria.)

DARIA: But I--

(Cut back to Mr. O'Neill.)

MR. O'NEILL: This will make a terrific project. I'll divide you into groups, then this weekend, I want you to film your own version of a music video. It can be any song you want, but (He looks very serious.) noooo bad language.

(Cut to shot of class. Daria has her hand raised.)

MR. O'NEILL: (offscreen voice over) Yes, Daria?

DARIA: Uh, I was only kidding?

(Cut to Daria and Jane walking to lunch later that day.)

JANE: Great idea of yours. Film our own music video.

DARIA: Don't rub it in.

JANE: (craftily) Speaking of good ideas, that poem of yours was very interesting.

DARIA: (a little puzzled) Uh, thanks.

JANE: It makes one wonder about the inspiration for such a masterpiece.

DARIA: (sees where Jane is headed and glares) Dammit, Jane...

JANE: Admit it. You wrote that poem about Trent, *didn't* you?

DARIA: (still glaring) It's not *about* anybody. I just... wrote it.

JANE: Suuuure ya did, Morgendorffer.

(They sit down at their usual table, then are surprised when Jodie and Brittany walk over, carrying trays.)

JODIE: Hi! Since we're in a group together, I thought we ought to start planning our video.

DARIA: Er, sure.

(She and Jane move down the benches to make room for the newcomers. Jodie sits beside Daria, while Brittany sits beside Jane on the other side of the table.)

JODIE: Hey, there's Andrea. Let's get her over here too.

BRITTANY: (pouts) Does she *have* to sit here? She's not... *perky*.

DARIA: (sardonically) Oh, and I am?

JODIE: Brittany, she's in our group and we have to work together. (calling) Andrea! Come sit with us.

(Andrea walks over, takes them all in with one dark glare, then sits beside Jodie.)

JODIE: I think we ought to have a leader for this, so we can stay organized. Jane, how about you?

JANE: (surprised) Me?

JODIE: Yeah. You're artistic, you'll probably be good at this.

JANE: Er, I guess. What video are we doing?

BRITTANY: (brightly) How about a Spice Girls song?

DARIA: (with disgust) Spice Girls?

BRITTANY: Yeah! See, there's five of them, and five of us! (She looks pleased with her logic.)

DARIA: Actually, there *aren't* five of them anymore.

JODIE: And somebody has to film it.

JANE: Oh, that's no problem. I can find someone to film us. Why don't we just do "Wannabe"? All we have to do is wear weird clothes and jump around a lot. It'll be easy.

JODIE: Yeah, you're right. It's fine with me. What do you think, Daria?

DARIA: I reserve the fifth.

JODIE: Er, Andrea?

(Andrea just *looks* at her.)

JANE: "Wannabe" it is then. Let's film it at Daria's house.

DARIA: (surprised) *My* house?

JANE: Why not? Quinn's room is *the* source for skimpy clothing.

JODIE: Oh, that's another thing. Everyone bring all the clothes you can think of. We'll probably need a *lot* of different outfits to get something together.

DARIA: Why do I have the feeling that this is going to be a disaster?

(Cut to the Morgendorffers at dinner that night. Quinn is babbling about her plans for the weekend.)

QUINN: ...we're having an emergency meeting of the Fashion Club on location at the mall tomorrow afternoon. (seriously) Sandi's silver clippy broke. Mom, can you drive us?

HELEN: Sorry, Quinn. I'm going to have to work tomorrow. Eric had the *nerve* to get the flu, that bastard, so I'm having to make up for him.

QUINN: Daddy, can *you* take us then?

JAKE: Uh, sure, kiddo! (gets a dreamy look on his face) I've been wanting to look at that new golf shop that opened...

HELEN: Daria, what are *your* plans for the weekend?

DARIA: Mr. O'Neill's making us film a music video.

QUINN: A *music* video? Ooh, can I be in it?

DARIA: You're going to the mall, remember?

QUINN: I'm *sure* Sandi can manage with just Stacy and Tiffany to help her.

DARIA: I don't know... Abandoning a fellow officer in a time of crisis seems to be a pretty serious offense to me. Who knows? It might even by punishable by... *expulsion*.

(Cut to closeup of Quinn, looking horrified.)

QUINN: (meekly) Never mind. I'm going to the mall.

(Cut to Daria's living room the next day. Daria is coming down the stairs when the doorbell rings. She opens the door to find Jane on the other side, holding two huge shopping bags.)

DARIA: You planning on moving in or something?

JANE: Nah. I don't think I'm up to living in the same household with Quinn. Living in the same *city* with her is bad enough.

(Jane walks into the living room and sets down her bags.)

DARIA: What *is* all that stuff?

JANE: Props. I cleaned out my closet this morning.

DARIA: Isn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse? (She peers into one of the bags.) So what'd you find?

JANE: Mostly unwanted gifts from relatives.

DARIA: Don't tell me you brought your Grandma's nightgown.

JANE: (innocently) Of course I did! Didn't I tell you? I'm going to be Old Spice. (She reaches into the bag and pulls out a tiny miniskirt.) No, actually, I brought gifts from Aunt Shelli.

(The doorbell rings again. This time it's Brittany and Jodie, with Andrea close behind them. All three have assorted bags of clothing.)

JANE: (with a resigned sigh) Guess we ought to get started. Let's see what everyone brought.

(Fade to several minutes later. The Morgendorffer living room is littered with clothing.)

JODIE: Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

JANE: Um... (She looks around at the clothes.) Maybe we ought to decide who's playing which Spice Girl before we divide this stuff up.

DARIA: Are we going to do it on basis of looks?

JODIE: Well... that would leave Brittany as Baby Spice, Jane as... Posh, I guess, (a little ironically) Andrea as Sporty, (even more ironically) and me as Scary. Daria, I guess you'd have to be Ginger.

DARIA: (indignant) But I don't look anything like her!

JANE: Maybe we should reassign the parts. Do it on basis of personality.

BRITTANY: (whining) But I *want* to be Baby Spice!

JANE: (wryly) Don't worry. You still are. Let's see, *I* want to be Scary Spice. Jodie, you could be Sporty.

JODIE: Fine with me.

JANE: Um, Andrea I guess you could be Posh.

DARIA: (glares) Wait a minute, I'm *still* Ginger!

JANE: Well you don't fit any of the others either. (cajolingly) Just go along with it, Daria. It won't kill you.

DARIA: Fine. But I'm going into the Witness Protection Program as soon as this damn project is finished.

(Jane opens her mouth to make a comeback, but Jodie forstalls the ensuing argument.)

JODIE: Let's just get our clothes and get this project over with. (She looks at the clothes scattered around the room.) I guess those pants would work for me...

(Cut to a few minutes later. Each girl has a stack of clothes... except for Daria.)

DARIA: I'm *not* wearing any of this stuff.

(Jane picks up Aunt Shelli's miniskirt and hands it to Daria.)

JANE: Wanna bet? (She frowns.) There aren't any tops left though.

ANDREA: I've got something.

(The other four look at her in surprise.)

ANDREA: Here.

(She reaches into her bag and pulls out a black leather corset type thing. The other four stare at it and look at Andrea. Daria hesitantly takes the black thing, then Andrea turns and walks off.)

JANE: Uh... I'm not even going to ask.

DARIA: I can't wear this!

JANE: Unless you want to go topless, that's the closest you're getting.

DARIA: (sighs) An A isn't worth this.

(Cut to about thirty mintues later. Jane comes out of Quinn's room wearing a red tube top and black pants with very big legs.)

JANE: Everybody ready?

(Jodie and Brittany emerge. Jodie is wearing a loose tank-style top and Adidas pants with tennis shoes. Brittany is wearing a slip dress and has her hair styled like Baby Spice's.)

BRITTANY: How do I look?

JANE: Er, you look fine, Brittany. Where's Andrea and Daria?

ANDREA: (from behind Jane) Here I am.

(Jane turns to see that Andrea is wearing a black dress and spike heels. She she looks nothing like Posh, but Jane decides that she should pick her battles. Jane walks over to Daria's door and pounds on it.)

JANE: Yo, Daria! You ready?

DARIA: (offscreen VO) I'm not coming out.

JANE: Oh, come on. We *all* look ridiculous.

BRITTANY: (horrified) We *do*?

DARIA: (offscreen VO) You haven't seen ridiculous yet.

JANE: It can't be *that* bad.

(Daria opens her door. Her glasses are gone and her hair is up, but falling around her face like Ginger's. She is wearing Andrea's black leather thing, which gives her a definite... er... figure, and the green miniskirt.)

DARIA: Wanna bet?

(Cut to shot of the other four girls staring at Daria in shock.)

BRITTANY: You... you... you have a better figure than I do! (She looks near tears.)

DARIA: (deadpan) Don't worry. I don't intend to dress like this very often.

BRITTANY: (smiling, relieved) Oh, okay. You look really cute!

(She wanders off. Jane raises an eyebrow.)

JANE: That's... um... interesting, Daria.

DARIA: (growling) Let's just get this over with so I can begin to breathe again.

(The doorbell sounds.)

JANE: Ooh, there's our cameraman!

(She goes to the door. Daria looks stricken.)

DARIA: Camera*man*? Jane--you didn't. You *wouldn't*!

(Jane opens the door. Guess who's there.)

JANE: Hey Trent.

TRENT: Hey Janey, I--(He suddenly stares.) I... I...

(Cut to shot of Daria looking horrified. She hurries off to hide in the kitchen. Trent swallows.)

TRENT: I... uh... got the camera.

JANE: (smirks) Good. Let's just hope you're still competant enough to use it. (calling) All right girls, time to get this over with.

(The five girls gather around, with Daria trying to hide in the back.)

JANE: I think what we oughta do is film the stupid behind-the-scenes crap first, then do the video.

JODIE: Shouldn't the film be of us getting ready, then?

JANE: Er... I didn't really think about that. Well... we'll just wander around and look busy, and Trent can film us. I guess each of us could say something to the camera, like tell which Spice Girl we're supposed to be.

TRENT: I think *that's* kind of obvious.

(Daria blushes and ducks behind Andrea.)

JANE: Oh well. Awright everyone, *mingle*!

(Brittany sits down to fix her makeup [again]. Jane pretends to be fixing Jodie's hair. Andrea just stands, while Daria holds up clothes in front of herself in the mirror, more to cover herself up than anything else. Trent films all of this for awhile.)

TRENT: Um, I think that's enough. Let's do the individual shots.

BRITTANY: Ooh, me first!

(Cut to shot of Brittany as seen through the video camera.)

BRITTANY: Hi! I--(She looks blank, then looks offscreen.) Jane, what am I supposed to say?

JANE: (offscreen VO) Which Spice Girl you are.

BRITTANY: Oh, right! (She turns back to the camera.) Hi! I'm Baby Spice! (She looks offscreen again.) Was that okay?

(Jane walks into the view of the camera.)

JANE: Great, Brittany. (She pushes Brittany out of the shot. to the camera) I'm *Scary* Spice. (She wiggles her fingers and makes a face.) RRRRRAHHHH!

(Jodie walks into the shot, and Jane moves out.)

JODIE: I'm Sporty Spice.

(Jane brings Andrea over.)

ANDREA: (completely flat) I'm Posh Spice. I represent all that's wrong in the world's approach to both women and the entertainment industry.

(Jane hurries her out of the shot.)

JANE: Er, good, Andrea. Daria?

DARIA: (offscreen VO) Forget it, Jane.

JANE: Daria, come *on*.

(Jane disappears, then returns dragging Daria into the shot. Daria tries to cover herself by folding her arms.)

JANE: Arms *down*, Daria.

(Jane moves out of the shot.)

DARIA: (deadpan) I'm Ginger Spice.

(She starts to sneak out of the shot, but Jane stops her.)

JANE: (offscreen VO) Dammit, put some feeling into it. Oh, and stick out your boobs more.

DARIA: (horrified) Jane!

JANE: (offscreen VO) The sooner you do it, the sooner we'll be finished with this stupid project.

(Daria sighs, then sticks out her chest and smiles broadly.)

DARIA: (with feeling) Hi! I'm *Ginger* Spice! (She immediately returns to her usual deadpan expression and stance and looks at Jane.) Happy?

JANE: (offscreen VO) Great. Trent, you ready to start? (The camera remains focused on Daria, who is watching Jane.) Trent? (The camera does not move. Jane sticks her head in the shot, and she and Daria both look at the camera.) *Trent*!

(Cut to regular shot of Trent. He lowers the camera.)

TRENT: Er, sorry.

JANE: When you get back to Earth, we're ready to start. (to the girls) I guess we'll just play the song on the radio so we'll know when to lip sync it, then we can replace the audio from the camera with the song when we edit the tape.

JODIE: Sounds good to me.

DARIA: Let's just get it over with.

(Cut to the video camera's shot of Jane and Daria as the music begins.)

JANE: (lip syncing quite well) Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want!

DARIA: (She is expressionless and not quite with the song.) So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

JANE: (glaring at Daria a little) I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want!

DARIA: (still not trying) So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

JANE: Stop the music! Dammit, Daria, you have to at least *try* to act interested.

(Cut to regular shot.)

DARIA: Why?

JANE: (whispering) You know the part that goes "Slam your body down and wind it all around"?

DARIA: (whispering) Uh, yeah?

JANE: (whispering) Remember who's behind the camera when you sing that.

DARIA: (glares, whispering) The only body that's going to get slammed around here is yours, Jane.

JANE: (out loud) All right. Let's try again.

(Daria gives in and puts a little spirit into it this time. After about an hour of filming [and several retakes], they decide they've got enough.)

JODIE: I'm glad that's over.

DARIA: *You're* glad? I'm going to change clothes.

TRENT: Um, really, it'd be better if you didn't.

(Daria looks at him and blinks.)

TRENT: I'm going to film some more footage of you guys sitting around. In case I didn't get enough at first.

DARIA: Oh. (She marches over to the sofa and sits.)

JANE: (hisses at Trent) Good save.

(Trent glares at her, but she goes over to talk to Jodie and Brittany. Andrea goes to the kitchen for a glass of water. Cut to a few minutes later, when Trent looks around stealthily, then sneaks out of the room. He then peers around the corner and aims the camera at Daria, who is still sitting on her sofa. Cut to shot of Daria from the video camera. She has one elbow resting on her leg, and her chin in her hand, leaning forward slightly. This rather explains why Trent spends the next five minutes filming only her.)

ANDREA: (offscreen VO) Why don't you just go *talk* to her.

(Cut to regular shot of Trent and Andrea, who has come up behind him. Trent jumps and nearly drops the camera.)

TRENT: I... uh... Who?

(Andrea just gives him a "go to Hell" look and walks off. Trent nervously approaches Daria and sits on the sofa.)

TRENT: Hey Daria.

(Daria tries, unsuccessfully, to pull the top up a little higher.)

DARIA: Uh, hey.

(Trent pans the camera around the room some more, then lowers it.)

TRENT: Who's making you do this, anyway?

DARIA: (scowling) Mr. O'Neill.

TRENT: Figures. So, uh, are those *your* clothes?

DARIA: (blushes a little) Uh, no.

TRENT: I didn't think so. (He smirks.) I never *really* believed the rumors that you were a dominatrix in denial.

DARIA: (blushes even more) I... uh...

TRENT: (looks embarrassed) Er, sorry. Tasteless joke.

DARIA: It's okay. It wasn't as tasteless as this outfit is.

(Trent laughs and coughs.)

DARIA: (pointedly) Uh, since you don't seem to be filming any more, is it okay if I go change now?

TRENT: (embarrassed) Er, yeah, sure.

(Daria gets up and heads for the stairs. Trent looks around quickly, then raises the camera again and aims at her.)

(Cut to about thirty minutes later. All the girls are wearing their normal clothes and carrying the bags they brought with them. Trent is standing off to one side, holding the camera which is finally turned off.)

JODIE: (to Trent) You sure you don't mind fixing the tape for us?

TRENT: Nah. Not problem.

JANE: I'll bring the finished tape Monday.

JODIE: Great! This was a lot of fun. Maybe we'll get to do another project like this soon!

(Cut to shot of Jane and Daria looking deadpan.)

DARIA: I'll be holding my breath and counting the minutes.

(Brittany, Andrea, and Jodie leave.)

DARIA: Let me know when the tape's done. I need to know how crushing the damage to my ego will be.

JANE: Trent, you're gonna fix it this afternoon, aren't you?

TRENT: Yeah, I can.

JANE: (to Daria) Why don't you just come on over?

DARIA: (looks at her watch) Considering that Quinn should be back from the mall within the hour, I think I'll take you up on your offer.

(Cut to Daria, Jane, and Trent getting out of Trent's car at the Lane house. After they go inside, Trent immediately makes a break for his room.)

JANE: Hey, Hotfoot, how long you think it'll take for the tape to be done?

TRENT: (over his shoulder) *I'll* find *you* when it's finished.

(He disappears. Jane looks at Daria.)

JANE: Wonder why he's in such a hurry. (She shrugs.) Well it shouldn't take him too long to slap on some music.

(Cut to Daria and Jane in Jane's room. Jane is painting while Daria is lying on the bed reading. Fade to later: Jane flipping through channels on the TV while Daria is listening to headphones. Fade to even later: Jane pacing back and forth while Daria writes. Fade to Daria and Jane sitting on the bed looking bored.)

JANE: God, Trent's been gone for *hours*. (She stands up.) Let's go see if he's through.

(Daria reluctantly gets up and follows.)

(Cut to shot of the video as Trent is dubbing the tape. Daria is lip syncing...)

TV: Slam your body down and wind it all around... slam your body down and wind it all around...

(Cut to shot of Trent watching with much interest. He smiles slowly, then jumps when there is a pounding on the door. He quickly turns the TV off.)

TRENT: Come in.

(The door opens to reveal Jane and Daria.)

JANE: You done fixing the tape yet?

TRENT: Uh, not yet.

JANE: (glares) Come *on*, you've been in here for *hours*!

TRENT: (looks a little embarrassed) Hey, I just want it to look good, okay? I'll be done in a little while.

DARIA: I've got to get home, Jane. I'll just watch it tomorrow when the others see it.

JANE: (sighs) Okay. Hurry *up*, Trent.

TRENT: I will. (looks down) Uh, bye, Daria.

DARIA: (looks down also) Er, bye, Trent.

(Jane shakes her head and shuts the door. After a minute, Trent gets up and locks it.)

(Cut to later that night. Jane is in her room drawing, when Trent sticks his head in the door.)

TRENT: Tape's finished.

JANE: Great. Can I see?

(Trent comes into the room, carrying two tapes. He hands Jane one of them.)

TRENT: Let me know if it's okay.

(He leaves as Jane pops the tape in the VCR and turns down the lights. Close up on Jane as she sits on the bed with the light from the TV reflecting on her face. Suddenly she stares, blinks, then stares again in shock.)

ANDREA: (VO from the TV) Why don't you just go *talk* to her.

JANE: Oh. My. God.

(Cut to Jane outside Trent's door later, clutching the tape. She is snickering. She tries to control herself but starts laughing again. Finally she regains her composure and opens the door.)

JANE: Hey, Trent?

TRENT: Yeah?

JANE: (casually) I think you gave me the wrong tape. This isn't the finished version.

(Trent looks horrified, then tries to cover it up.)

TRENT: Er, I must have picked up the wrong one. (He hands her another cassette, and she gives back the original.)

JANE: Okay, thanks.

(She turns to leave, trying not to laugh.)

TRENT: Uh, Janey?

JANE: Yeah?

TRENT: How much of that did you watch, anyway?

JANE: (lying through her teeth) Just the very first part.

TRENT: (relieved) Oh. Okay.

(After Jane leaves, he looks down at the tape again. This time, he notices that it's at the very end.)

TRENT: Oh hell.

(Cut to Jane's room a little later. She's painting again, when there is a knock at her door.)

JANE: Yo!

(Trent opens the door.)

TRENT: Uh, Janey?

JANE: (quickly) Hey, I watched the finished tape. Looks really good.

TRENT: (without enthusiasm) Thanks. I... uh... well, about that other tape...

JANE: Trent, you don't have to--

TRENT: No, I, uh... Well, I guess I just got a little carried away. Sorry.

JANE: It's okay. Really.

TRENT: (looks at her shyly) You won't tell Daria, will you?

JANE: 'Course not. (She smirks.) Hormones kicking in, eh?

TRENT: (looks relieved) Yeah. Just hormones.

(He goes to the door.)

JANE: Trent?

(He turns back towards her.)

JANE: (gently) Is that really all it is?

(Trent looks at her, then leaves without answering. Jane sighs and turns back to her painting.)

(Cut to Mr. O'Neill's class on Monday, where there is a TV and VCR on a stand in the front of the room.)

MR. O'NEILL: I hope everyone enjoyed making their videos this weekend! I for one can't *wait* to see what exciting films you've made. Let's see... (He flips through a stack of cassettes.) How about we watch Kevin's group first?

(He puts the tape in the VCR. It obviously hasn't been edited. There is a blurry image of Mack on the screen.)

KEVIN: (offscreen VO) How do you focus this thing?

MACK: Turn the round thing. (He gets blurrier.) No, not like that, the other way!

(The image clarifies, then suddenly zooms in to a closeup of Mack's elbow.)

KEVIN: (offscreen VO) Oops, I think I zoomed in a little.

MACK: Give me that!

(The picture moves, then clarifies on Kevin, zoomed to a proper distance.)

MACK: (offscreen VO, hissing) Announce us!

KEVIN: Hunh?

MACK: (offscreen VO, sighs) We're making a video of Savage Garden's "Truly Madly Deeply."

(Upchuck comes on screen.)

UPCHUCK: *Deeply*! Rrrrrrrrrooooooooowwwwwwwwwwllllllllll.

(Cut to the end of the video, which consisted of Kevin and Upchuck attempting to lip sync. The screen goes to static. Cut to Mr. O'Neill as he removes the tape from the VCR.)

MR. O'NEILL: Boys, that was very... er... (quickly) Why don't we move on to Jane's group? (He puts their tape in the VCR.)

(Cut to full screen of the video. It begins with a shot of the girls milling around, then Jane walks onto the screen.)

JANE: We've decided to do a video of the Spice Girls' song "Wannabe." And now, let's meet our Spice Girls!

(Cut to Brittany.)

BRITTANY: Hi! I'm Baby Spice!

(Cut to Jodie.)

JODIE: I'm Sporty Spice.

(Cut to Andrea, whose announcement has been slightly edited.)

ANDREA: I'm Posh Spice.

(Cut to Jane.)

JANE: I'm *Scary* Spice. RRRRRAHHHH!

(Cut to perky Daria.)

DARIA: Hi, I'm *Ginger* Spice!

(Cut to assorted shots of the "behind the scenes" part... Trent's filming of Daria is mercifully omitted.)

JANE: (narration VO) We spent a lot of time getting ready for this video, such as picking out the right outfits and makeup and rehearsing our parts.

(There are a few more seconds of shots, then cut back to Jane.)

JANE: And without further ado, here's our video.

(Cut to the end of the video. Mr. O'Neill takes the tape out of the VCR, then turns to the girls, beaming.)

MR. O'NEILL: That was *excellent*, girls! Very professionally done. I'm pleased to see how enthusiastic everyone was about their parts, especially *you*, Daria.

DARIA: (sardonically) You have no idea.

(Cut to Daria and Jane sitting at their table at lunch.)

DARIA: You did a pretty good job of narrating. You almost had me convinced that we actually *cared* about this project.

JANE: Hey, coersion's what I do best. (casually) What'd you think of Trent's editing job?

DARIA: It looked nice. (wryly) I was in it as little as possible.

JANE: (smirking) Yeah. Weren't you, though.

DARIA: What did he do with the original tape anyway?

JANE: (Her smirk grows wider.) I have no idea.

(Cut to Trent's room as he and Jesse are listening to some loud, Mystik-Spiral-ish music. Jesse is looking through a large pile of CDs, when he pulls out a video tape.)

JESSE: Hey, what's this?

TRENT: (blushes) Er, nothing. Here.

(He reaches for the tape. Jesse looks at him suspiciously and holds it just out of reach.)

JESSE: What's on it?

(Trent manages to snatch the tape from Jesse and stick it in a drawer.)

TRENT: (regaining his composure) Just an old epsiode of a TV show I taped.

JESSE: Cool. (A few seconds pass.) What TV show?

TRENT: (looks hunted) Uh... the Brady Bunch.

JESSE: Cool. (A few more minutes pass.) Well I better get going. I have to catch up on some sleep before tonight's gig.

(He stands up and heads for the door.)

TRENT: See ya, Jess.

JESSE: Yeah.

(He goes out and shuts the door, then walks out of the Lane house. Halfway down the driveway, he stops and looks puzzled.)

JESSE: The *Brady Bunch*?

(End credits as the Brady Bunch theme plays. *evil grin*)






THE END