Trent Lane staggered downstairs, finally awake for the day. Or night. Whatever. He ambled into the kitchen, intent on finding out if Jane had bought groceries that week. He could really use some coffee.

"Hello, Trent."

He dropped the jar of Folger's he had just discovered and turned around. It was that woman he jammed with once at Lawndale High. At least, he thought it was Lawndale High. It seemed to Trent that it must have been a masquerade ball or something, because everybody was dressed as a holiday. Even her.

Even now.

"Uh. Hi, Halloween."

Trent also thought it unusual that she had insisted on being addressed as the holiday she was dressed up as.

She walked up close to him, almost breaching his personal space.

"I'm glad I came back," she purred. "I like you, Trent."

"Uh..." Trent was almost at a loss for words. "I thought...well, I thought you and X were together."

Halloween crossed her arms and harrumphed. "That two-timer dumped me for Talk Like A Pirate Day."

"Talk Like A Pirate Day?"

"Let's just say she has lots of booty." Halloween's scowl turned into a pout. "Trent, would you like to play Spider?" she asked.

"Uh...sure," Trent agreed, incredibly uneasy at the situation. "What's Spider?"

Halloween sat Trent down onto a chair. She rubbed the palms of her hands together; when she pulled them apart, a spiderweb spanned the distance between. "Well, the big black spider goes around and around, wrapping the bug up in her spider web." As she spoke, she placed one hand on Trent's chest, the web sticking to his shirt. She walked around him, the web growing longer and longer to accomodate her repeated laps.

"What...what happens when the spider gets the bug all wrapped up?" Trent nervously asked.

A seductive grin topped Halloween's face. "I won't tell," she teased.

Alarm grew in Trent's underbelly. "How long does it take to play this game?" Trent asked, fighting to keep his voice calm.

"Oh, we're almost done," Halloween reassured him from behind, resting her other hand on his shoulder. Trent struggled a little against the webbing, but it was surprisingly resilient to his efforts. "There, now," Halloween cooed.

"Wuh-what's the spider do now?" Trent asked, visibly trembling.

"Now...the spider does a little dance for the bug." Halloween slowly began writhing her body to a tune only she could hear. "She starts teasing him..." raking her fingernails gently up his arm. "And tormenting him..." she whispered, less than an inch from his ear, her breath puffing into it. "And make him worry, so his juice will taste better..." She ran her fingers through his hair while standing behind him, out of sight.

"Hal-Halloween, I-I think we better play another game," Trent practically begged.

"I heard you were dating a woman, Monique. Do you like her?" she asked him in response.

Trent tried to gulp, but his mouth had gone dry. "Yuh. Yes. I do."

Halloween lowered herself into Trent's lap, hiking her black skirt up high enough to expose most of her thigh. She pressed close into Trent, giving him a great view of her cleavage (enhanced greatly by her orange corset). "Do you" She nuzzled his cheek with her nose, her lips brushing his neck. "Spiders like bugs," she murmured into his flesh. "They taste good."

Finally sensing Trent's reluctance, she turned away. "But I guess bugs don't like spiders very much," she said in a sullen tone.

Not wanting to hurt her feelings, Trent worked up the bravery. "I like spiders," he lamely offered.

"I do too," Halloween replied, pouring herself off of Trent's lap. She walked over to the kitchen's drawers. "Well, I guess I have to sting you now," she announced.

"You have to what?" Trent asked, now fully in 'Terrified' mode.

Halloween turned around, brandishing two very large, very sharp knives. "Eep!" Trent declared.

She began approaching slowly, a grimace on her face.

"Jane? Janey?" Trent called out.

Halloween raised the knives up.

"JANEEEEY!" Trent screamed.

"STING!" Halloween cried, bringing the knives down --

"Halloween!" a voice from behind Trent called.

The knives held themselves just above Trent's chest. "X?" she called out.

"Halloween, I've been stupid. Talk Like a Pirate Day, she doesn't hold a candle to you. She's barely even a real holiday!"

"Oh baby, I could never stay mad at you," she squealed as she dropped the knives and rushed into his arms. He lifted her up, planted a kiss on her lips, and carried her out.

"See you later, Trent!" he called behind him.

"...Uh, a little help?" Trent asked -- too late, as he heard the front door slam shut. "Janey? Daria? Mom?"

Much of this ficlet borrows heavily from a similar scene in the 1968 horror-comedy Spider Baby, about a family of inbred cannibals. It's pretty good, I recommend catching it if you can.

I was also inspired by the recent blog posting in the Official Fandom Blog Mk. II about possible plot hooks for Halloween returning to Lawndale. So I guess some thanks should go to The Angst Guy too.

Mm, one more thing: The title was inspired by a lyric from the Goldfinger theme song, the part where he becons you in to his web of sin or somesuch. It seemed fitting (after the gender change, of course).