Hell In A Hand Basket
Note: This was originally a five-part story, but has been combined into a single story.
Chapter 1: The Origin
Our story begins in hell where we find Chris talking to Satan.
Chris: Give me another chance I can beat them I swear.
Satan: Chris, I'm not possessing Quinn to accidently say your name during the resurrection again.
Chris: THIS IS BULLSHIT! THE PEOPLE OF LAWNDALE ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN DESTROY HELL!
Satan: The most I'm letting you slide is if you create a monster.
Chris: Now what the hell am I going to make a monster out of?
Chris: I really hate you.
Satan: And so does most of the people on Earth. NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SITE OR YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND ANOTHER MILLION YEARS IN THE TORTURE CHAMBER!
Chris walks off muttering to himself.
Chris: Improvise he says. Fine I'll find a monster that will destroy them all and send it to Earth.
Chris is walking to his chamber when Michael Myers, Chucky, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Krueger surround him. Chris stands there smiling.
Chris: I just found my monster.
Chris jumps up and rips them all apart. Chris drags the pieces to his chamber and start putting them together. Meanwhile at Lawndale High...
Jane: You know Daria, nothing weirder than hell has happened lately.
Daria: Yea ever since Quinn put a knife through Chris's head. But now she's even more annoying than usual.
Just then The Fashion Club starts walking down the hall. Sandi notices Daria and Jane just stand there and shake their heads.
Sandi: Quinn, You're brainy cousin is starting to get on my nerves.
Quinn: Well what am I supposed to do tell her to stop?
Tiffany: She is your cousin figure it out.
The Fashion Club start arguing and Daria and Jane walk the opposite way.
Jane: The love your sister has toward you is amazing.
Daria: I WILL, silence you if you keep talking.
Cut To: Hell in Chris's chamber.
Chris: There he is complete I've created Frashaely Lee Vruegyers (Bare with me on the name if you don't know how to pronounce don't worry I'll put his name like this F.L.V).
Chris pulls off the sheet and it is had Michael Myers's hair, Jason's mask, Freddy's sweater and glove, and Chucky's Good Guy's outfit. Might I forget to mention body parts from each of them? All of their power is combined and they stand at 7ft 11in tall. F.L.V sits up and looks at Chris and gets off the bed and stands up.
Chris: Whoa that's tall. Speak to me F.L.V.
F.L.V: You asshole what have you done to me?
F.L.V sounds like the voice of Freddy and Chucky mixed.
Chris: I've made you stronger, faster, and in every way more powerful and I'm sending you to Lawndale to kill everyone there.
F.L.V: Why should I do what you say?
Chris: Because I'll rip you apart again and throw you in the lake of lava and you'll never come back. Now come with me.
Chris and F.L.V walk into Satan's throne room. Satan looks up with a surprised expression on his face.
Satan: What in the bloodily hell is that?
Chris: It's my new monster F.L.V
Satan: And what's that stand for.
Chris (rolling his eyes): Frashaely Lee Vruegyers.
Satan: Oh I like F.L.V better.
Chris: I knew you would. Now back to business send, him up to destroy Lawndale.
Satan: Give me a day to think about it.
Chris: What do you mean a day?
Chris powers up to his Super Demon form and charges at Satan. Satan snaps his fingers and his head demon walks in.
Satan: Vastly, Kill this fool.
Vastly: But he's already dead.
Satan: Than make him suffer.
Vastly charges at Super Demon Chris. S.D. Chris grabs Vastly by the throat and hurls him through a wall into the lava lake. Satan jumps out of his chair and picks up Chris.
Satan: I was going to send you to hell for all eternity for that little stunt you just pulled but since you just flattened my main demon without trying I will make you new head demon and send your monster up to destroy Lawndale.
Satan: In fact I'll send you up to Earth, as a spirit just for you to make sure your creation doesn't fail. But if you are interfere in any way I will make your creation exploded instantly and send you to the Torture Chambers for 1000 years. Do we have a deal?
Chris: Fine we have a deal.
Satan: That's my top demon. I'll send him up tomorrow. Now leave.
Cut To: Lawndale.
Daria: So Jane, What are you doing later?
Jane: I'll probably kick back watch TV and sleep.
Daria: Why is your life so organized?
Jane: I don't know.
Cut to: The river Chris was buried in.
Quinn is at the river Chris was buried in she had dug up his body. She picks up the chainsaw.
Quinn: You're never coming back.
Quinn revs up the chainsaw and hacks Chris's body up.
Sandi and the rest of the Fashion Club stand there and watch in horror.
Sandi: Gee Quinn, Should we be scared of you.
Cut to: Hell the next day.
Satan: Now F.L.V I am sending you to Earth destroy everyone in the town Lawndale especially these 3 (shows him a picture of Jane, Daria, and Quinn.).
F.L.V: Yes Satan.
Satan opens a portal and raises F.L.V into it. As F.L.V is going through the portal up to Earth these words appear.
Chapter 2: The Arrival
We start out in the portal F.L.V is being teleported to Lawndale. The portal ends and he is now at the river outside of town. He looks down and notices Chris's hacked up body. Then he walks on. Then Chris's spirit appears out of thin air. He looks down and sees his hacked up body.
Chris: What the fuck!
It is now Saturday so our heroes are just sitting around their houses. Daria is watching Sick Sad World. Jane is painting what she calls "Dead Chris". And Quinn is talking on the phone talking about mindless Fashion Shit.
Quinn: What do you mean you wore overalls we don't live in a mountain town!
Announcer of SSW: Is it true that there was a demon in the small town of Lawndale next on Sick Sad World.
Daria: For once the media finally got to this town I'd better get away from here.
Jane: Mmmmmmmmmm that's good.
Cut to: The mall about an hour later.
The Fashion Club is walking around all the clothes stores. When they hear a scream. They all run out and see F.L.V killing Mr. O Neil (of course they didn't know who F.L.V was.). The mall security guards start shooting at him F.L.V turns to them.
F.L.V: Annoying security. They will die.
Quinn: I remember that voice from somewhere.
Sandi: It sounds like Freddy.
Quinn: Freddy who?
Sandi: In a small part of his voice I detect Freddy Krueger. But Freddy doesn't look like that.
Quinn: Wow Sandi, You're using big... FREDDY KRUEGER! You mean that's who that is.
Sandi: I said he sounds like Freddy but it's probably...
The talking was cut short when they saw a head, land right in the middle of them.
Stacy: HOLY SHIT!
They all turn and see F.L.V walking toward them. Quinn then notices the glove on his right hand.
Quinn: That is Freddy look at his right hand.
Sandi: Freddy's come back to me.
She runs at Freddy with her arms open to hug him. But then she finds herself bleeding.
Sandi: But that just ended yesterday.
She looks down and sees Freddy's glove in her. She spits up blood and falls to the ground and F.L.V picks her up he puts his foot on hers and grabs her by the shoulders and pulls up. This causes Sandi to rip in half. F.L.V drops the upper torso. Quinn realizes she needs to run. It's too bad the rest of The Fashion Club tired to fight him. While Quinn was backing away she sees Tiffany and Stacy getting sliced in half straight down.
Quinn: Shit. I've got get Daria and Jane.
F.L.V then pulls a picture out of his pocket and looks at it. He then looks up at Quinn.
F.L.V: Are you Quinn?
F.L.V: Listen Bitch I'm killing you ether way mind as well tell me.
Quinn turns around and starts running. F.L.V starts walking after her. Quinn looks back and then trips over a bench.
Quinn: Owwwwwww my leg I can't move it.
F.L.V is now standing over Quinn with the glove in the air. He then gets hit with a blast a bullet and flies backward. Quinn looks over seeing Jane loading rounds of shotgun shells into F.L.V. Daria runs over and picks Quinn up.
Daria: Lets get the hell out of here.
The sisters' start running, Jane finishes off the shells and follows them. F.L.V sits up and gets back to his feet and shakes his head.
F.L.V: Those bitches will pay.
Chris's spirit appears beside him. And glares at F.L.V.
Chris: You ass can't you beat a bunch of girls?
F.L.V: You couldn't beat them ether.
Chris: First of all I'm not made up of the 4 most lethal horror movie villains and second of all love you played a violent trick on me.
F.L.V: I think you should have been thinking with your brain and not you cock.
Chris: I can send you back to hell you know. Now kill them and the rest of Lawndale is no threat.
Cut to: Trent's van, which Jane is driving.
Jane: Now someone please inform me who in the hell was that?
Quinn: I never caught the name.
Daria: He looked like a mix between Freddy Krueger, Chucky, Michael Myers, and Jason Voorhees.
Quinn and Jane: Shit.
Daria: It looks like Chris came up with a new idea to kill us.
Jane: Well first we need the weapons to destroy this thing.
The van races toward the Weapon Dreamland. When they see F.L.V standing in the middle of the road.
Daria and Quinn: FLOOR IT!
Jane speeds at the horror movie mutant. When the ever so famous words come across the screen it read...
Chapter 3: The Real Chaos Begins
Jane races toward F.L.V in Trent's van. F.L.V still is standing there when the car hits F.L.V goes flying backwards but never falls over.
Jane: What the hell is this thing made of?
Daria: The top 4 horror movie villains.
The van races around F.L.V and heads toward Weapon Dreamland. F.L.V. then appears in front of the van and then jumps on it. By this time F.L.V has more than just a glove an axe comes down through the roof. The girls start screaming and then F.L.V's head sticks through the hole in the roof.
F.L.V: Hello girls I'll be killing you today.
They all then hear another pair of feet land on the roof. F.L.V lifts his head and looks at the person. Then there is a slamming sound is heard on the roof and then F.L.V rolls down the front of the van after that getting run over like a speed bump. A pair of legs starts, sliding through the top of the van. All of a sudden the person slips through he is about 5ft 5 in, brown hair with blonde streaks, a long black trenchcoat (much like Chris's.), black pants, sunglasses, and a black shirt. The car stops in front of Weapon Dreamland.
Person: Hi I'm...
The 3 people just look at Quinn.
Daria: Why'd Chris go out with you as long as he did?
Person: As I was saying my name is Ryan.
Jane: Hi Ryan. You're pretty strong how'd you beat F.L.V?
Ryan: I didn't beat him he's probably looking for us right now.
Daria: But Jane ran him over like roadkill.
Ryan: I've seen these guys before they were one person a missile couldn't stop them let alone a van.
Quinn: How'd you know where to find us?
Ryan: Well, I've been after Chris for years and I guess since you killed him I'll kill his creation.
Quinn: Why are you after Chris? The reason he became evil is because Daria and I killed him.
Ryan: Wrongo, Chris is a mercenary from Satan. He destroys anything that threatens Hell's existence. You 3 were obviously the next ones on his list of people to kill.
Quinn: But why was he so nice to us and why did a bunch of monsters try killing him all the time.
Ryan: First he was nice to you because he was going to kill you at the right moment he was only going to be nice to you for a week and secondly just because he did Satan's bidding doesn't mean that didn't piss other monsters off.
Quinn: Chris never even tired to hurt us. Heck he saved me from being raped from Freddy Krueger twice. And he was around us for like 2 months.
Ryan: He was only trying to make you think he was a good guy.
Just then Ryan noticed F.L.V was walking toward them. The 4 ran in the store and grabbed some weapons by then F.L.V had busted down the door, which got the owner of the store walking toward loading rounds into our monster. F.L.V picked the man up by the neck and gave him a headbutt smashing his face into the back of his head. Ryan now starts blasting him with a mini-gun. Jane, Daria, and Quinn are shooting sawed-off shotguns into his face. F.L.V is still unfazed.
Ryan: Run girls I'll handle this.
Ryan runs at F.L.V and spears him through the wall. Then Ryan comes back flying through the counter followed by F.L.V. Ryan gets picked up and slammed into the wall. Now bleeding from almost all over his body Ryan pulls a grenade out of his pocket and pulls the pin.
Ryan: Girls get out of here. I'll see you in hell.
F.L.V: Tell them I sent ya.
Chris's Spirit (from in the corner): Hahahahahaha.
Daria, Jane, and Quinn run out of the store with all the weapons in their hands and then load them in the van and speed away. Ryan brings the grenade down.
Cut to: Outside scene of the store blowing up.
Then from the flames F.L.V emerges and walks as if nothing had happen to him. Then the ever so famous...
Chapter 4: The Battle Begins
F.L.V is walking out of the flames with lots of burn marks but that's it. Other than that he was unfazed. Jane, Daria, and Quinn sped toward Daria's house. They pulled in the driveway and got out.
Quinn: This sucks who are we going to beat this thing?
Daria: Lots of Ammo.
Jane: Tons of power. Hey doesn't Chris's house still have that training arena under his house.
Daria: Lets go see.
The 3 girls started walking to the house.
Quinn: But Ryan blew up F.L.V why are we training?
Daria: You obviously didn't look back. F.L.V was walking away from the explosion like a scrape on the knee.
Quinn: You mean that thing is still alive?
Jane and Daria: Yes.
Cut To: the Street Jane lives on.
F.L.V is going in houses and killing families. He gets to Jane's house and breaks down the door. This wakes Trent up.
Trent: What the hell?
He gets up and walks down the stairs to find nothing.
Trent: Hello is anyone there?
F.L.V (from behind Trent): No just your death.
Trent: Oh that's nice.
F.L.V goes to stab Trent but Trent does a backflip over the knife and kicks F.L.V in the face. He is unaffected. He punches Trent into a wall and walks over to him. He grabs Trent by the shirt and picks him up.
F.L.V: Now you bastard, time to die.
Trent: This can't be good.
F.L.V snaps Trent in half over his knee and throws the pieces to the ground. By now Quinn, Daria, and Jane have finished their training. They get out of Chris's house to see the infamous Frashaely Lee Vruegyers walking down the street.
Daria: Well let's see if our training paid off.
Jane and Quinn: Right.
Jane rushes toward F.L.V and kicks him in the jaw sending him 50 yards back. F.L.V gets up and starts running at Jane. He swings rapidly and he never gets one punch in. Jane on the other hand was kneeing, punching and basically killing him. F.L.V stands up and then disappears into thin air.
Jane: What the hell?
He reappears behind Jane and goes for a fatal blow to the head but Quinn does a flying kick sending him through the air. Quinn runs right after him. F.L.V hits the ground leaving a small crater.
F.L.V: We you girls got game. Now it's time to see my true power.
F.L.V clenches his fists and starts shaking muscles start bungling. After a minute of this he is all powered up.
F.L.V: Now girls time to die.
Jane: No you're wrong we prepared for this too.
Cut To: The destroyed Weapon Dreamland.
Where a burnt hand rises from the rubble. The rest of the body sits up. It's Ryan we survived the blast. Meanwhile Jane was getting the hell beat out of her by F.L.V.
F.L.V: Now who's weak and pathetic?
F.L.V: Sorry what did you say?
Jane: I said YOU'RE DEAD.
Jane runs at F.L.V she throws a punch but misses. F.L.V picks her up and hurls her into the air. He now pulls out a knife and throws it at her hitting her in the leg. She falls to the ground knocked out. F.L.V is about to kill her but Quinn steps in. She starts beating his mutant ass back to hell. She knees him then double-axe handles him. He goes for a slash with his glove but it is grabbed and pulled off by Quinn. She puts it on.
Quinn: If I'm not mistaken this is how you killed Chris, Freddy.
She stabs F.L.V right between the eyes and leaves the glove in his face. He drops instantly.
Quinn: Lets throw him off a cliff or something.
Daria: So you mean he can't keep him as a souvenir.
Quinn (whining): Daria, he's heavy.
The two girls pick him up and throw him in the truck. They drive to the nearest cliff that is about 80 ft high and toss him off. They listen until they hear a thud. They get back into the van and drive off.
Cut To: the bottom of the cliff.
F.L.V is destroyed his head is 5 ft from his body his arms and legs are just about rip in half and his body has a branch though it.
Chapter 5: Sweet Vengeance
Daria and Quinn are driving away from the cliff they dropped F.L.V off of. But they didn't notice at the bottom his hands starts moving. It scoops his body off the branch reconnects his limbs and head and the wound recovers. He is now back to one whole being.
F.L.V: They will suffer. I'll kill them slow.
Just then Chris's spirit appears. He slaps his creation in the face.
Chris: You almost died if I didn't pull some strings with Satan you would be in hell right now, asshole.
F.L.V: Sorry master.
Chris: Silence you fool I'm sick of your crap. Satan has granted me permission to come to Earth if you fail again. Although I'd love to rip those girls limb from limb I've got other plans. SO DON'T FUCK UP THIS TIME!
F.L.V walks off going to get pay back for his near demise. Meanwhile the girls had picked up Jane and bring her to the hospital.
Daria: Don't worry you'll be fine F.L.V is dead.
Jane: I know but they're going to give me shots and I'm going to bleed. (Doing this to piss off Quinn
Quinn: Ewwwwwww that's gross.
Daria: Save me some blood I want to make Jane clones.
Quinn: I can't stand you guys I'm leaving.
Daria: You'll have awful long walk we're 5 miles from the house.
Quinn: I'll drive.
Daria: You don't know how.
Cut To: Daria's house.
F.L.V has just broken in Daria's house looking for the "Voodoo For Dummies." Book. He can't seem to find it anywhere.
F.L.V: Damn where is it.
He looks in Quinn's room and sees it on her bed.
F.L.V: Aw perfect.
Cut To: The hospital.
Daria and Quinn are talking to Jane. When suddenly they hear screams and a voice.
Voice: Where are Daria, Quinn, and Jane? I'm here to kill them.
Daria and Quinn look around the corner its F.L.V. They walk out into the hall.
Daria: Well it looks like the human fuck up is here.
Quinn: Jeez those are some tacky clothes. As new president of The Fashion Club the punishment for tacky clothes is a grade-A ass whipping.
F.L.V: Since when have you girls got backbone?
Daria: Since we beat the shit out of you the first time the 2nd time isn't going to be any harder.
F.L.V: Well ladies I'm right here.
Daria: Quinn, hand me the rocket launcher.
F.L.V (pulling out the book.): You better not blow me up or your precious book will go to hell.
Quinn: Don't worry I've memorized the chant.
Daria: So did I.
Daria locked on F.L.V she was about to pull the trigger when the ground shook. The ground opened and it looked like Satan was rising from it. But when the Satan looking figure showed his face everyone (even F.L.V) was shocked. It was no one other than Chris.
Daria, F.L.V, and Quinn: WHAT THE FUCK.
Chris: Yes I have killed Satan I'm the new Satan. Now you all bow to me. Oh and by the way F.L.V you've failed me for the last time.
F.L.V raised in the air by Chris's mind. He suddenly exploded all over the hospital. Hearing this Jane walked out of the room to see Chris.
Jane: WHAT THE FUCK!
Daria still with the rocket launcher in her hand fired it at Chris. It hit him dead on but did nothing. Chris turned to Daria.
Chris: No that's a bad Daria.
Chris walked up to Daria and backhanded her through a few walls. Quinn ran up behind and punched him in the back of the head. Chris turned to Quinn and laughed.
Chris: Oh if it isn't my ex-girlfriend. Well I have enough power to rape you but I'm not that sick. But I will kill you SLOW.
Chris brought back his hand and punched Quinn in the face sending her down the hallway. Jane pulled out and Uzi and unloaded it on Chris to no prevail. Chris formed a fireball in his hand. But his arm was grabbed Chris was turned around and punched in the face knocking him on his ass. It was Ryan well it was hard to recognize him because he was so brunt. Chris got up and looked at Ryan.
Chris: Ryan, what pleasant surprise I didn't expect to see you alive after that explosion.
Ryan: I never slammed it into F.L.V's face I threw it in the back of the store which had some gas tanks.
Chris: Whatever I'm going to kill you now.
Chris and Ryan flew at each other. Chris and Ryan were landing punches but neither backed off. Chris elbows Ryan in the head then when Ryan is falling Chris knees him in the throat. Ryan rolls over holding his throat. Chris walks over Ryan head. Chris forms a fireball in his hand.
Chris: That was your big chance to kill me Ryan but you blew it you should have trained harder.
Cut to: Inside the destroy room Daria lays in.
A bright light shines on her. She wakes up.
Bright Light: Hello Daria, I'm God.
God: You can beat him you just need to believe in yourself.
Daria: You're joking right.
God: Yes actually I was joking to beat him you need these.
A flask, a ball, and a bottle of holy water float down.
God: Use these and he'll be beaten.
Daria: How do I use these?
God: You'll know when you get there.
The light disappears and Daria gets up.
Cut To: Chris standing over Ryan.
Chris is about to release the fireball. But a shotgun is put to his and it fires sending Chris rolling over. Quinn is at the other end of the shotgun she keeps firing until she is out of ammo and there are about 25 holes in Chris. Chris gets up and walks right up to Quinn.
Chris: Too bad I would have made you my wife in hell. But now that you've really just pissed me off I'm going to kill you and send you to a torture chamber in hell.
Suddenly Quinn starts kissing Chris. Chris pulls her back by her hair and forms a fireball in his hand.
Chris: Not this time bitch.
Quinn: But I love you.
Just then Ryan tackles Chris and starts pummeling the new Satan. Chris gets punch off and sends Ryan flying backwards. Chris shoots a fireball after Ryan, which hit and blows Ryan into a million pieces. Quinn stood there watching in horror. Chris turns back to Quinn.
Chris: I know how I'll kill you.
Chris turns into a bat and flies toward Quinn. Daria runs out just in time and throws the ball at Chris. Chris stops when a smoke cloud surrounds Chris. When the smoke clears Ozzy Osbourne is holding Chris.
Chris: Oh Shit.
Townie (from Little Nicky and The Waterboy): You can do it Ozzy, Bite his Fucking head off.
Ozzy does just that and Daria runs to him.
Daria: Spit him into the flask.
Ozzy does what he is told and Chris is trapped in the flask. Daria then pours the holy water all over it and it explodes. There is a sigh of relief and Jane limbs out of the hospital.
Jane: Well that was a little bit of a rip off of Little Nicky.
Townie: Oh well.
Quinn: Ryan is dead.
Daria and Jane: Make your damn point.
Quinn: Didn't we like him?
Ozzy: What the hell.
Daria, Ozzy, Quinn, and Jane walk off into the sunset.