Halloween in Lawndale Scene 1: Daria walks into Lawndale High, smiling ever so slightly. She walks past all the jocks, and the bubbly fashion airheads and eventually finds her locker. A few lockers away, Jane looks at her and smirks. Jane: What happened to you? Trent finally snap out of the oblivion and get up the nerve? Daria: Nope. Halloween is in one week. I always get uncharacteristically semi-happy during the holiday season. Jane: Oh, I see. Daria: You look a little paler than usual. Jane: I'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Daria: Who said I was worrying? I was just observing and stating a fact. Jane: Okay. Daria: Can I stay over tonight? My sister's having a little fashion sleepover. I've seen hell, Jane. I don't want to revisit it anytime soon. Jane: Um, actually, no. Sorry. My parents are actually going to be home at the same time. That means their going to spend the night fighting over which one's a worse parent and which kid is more of a dead beat, Trent or I. Company isn't exactly something we need tonight. Daria: Oh. I guess I can lock myself in my room tonight. But I can still come over after school, right? Jane: Um, no. They're probably already there. Daria: Poor Trent. Jane: He'll live. Well, not really. Scene 2: Jane walks into the empty Lane house and throws her back pack on the couch. She makes a mad dash downstairs to find her brother, practicing alone. Jane: Trent, I almost forgot. All Hallow's Eve's a week away. Trent: Dammit Janey. That means we only have a week to finish everything. Jane: So sue me. I never really keep track of the date. After two hundred years it gets kinda redundant. Trent: Yeah, well, I'll let you off the hook this time. But next year I need at least two weeks, got it? Jane: Yeah, yeah. We gotta work hard to set it all up, so let's get started. Trent: I hate physical labor. Jane: Quit whimpering, you baby. Trent: Shut up. Jane: Do you think... maybe Daria? Trent: Jane, not another one! Jane: Come on. She's gonna start wondering why I never age after ten or fifteen years. Trent: We'll be moved out of this damn town by then. We always move out after five or six years. And every time we move, you find another friend to attach yourself to. After we move again, you're getting home schooled. No more opening up to people. Jane: Explain Jesse, and the other guys. What are you gonna do with them? Trent: Say our good byes and hit the road. Jane: Daria's not like that. She understands us. She can't just say good bye and give it all up. I'm her only friend, Trent. Besides, we need another partner in crime. And you know she'd do anything for you. The navel ring proves it! Trent: Fine. She's in. But she's the last. I mean it. Scene 3: Jane approaches Daria the next Monday at lunch. She smiles as a greeting. Daria: Hey. Jane: Hey, you doing anything for Halloween? Daria: Whatever it is, no. Jane: I'm having a small get together at my place. No costume required. Just Trent, me, and you. How's it sound? Daria: What will we be doing at this little get together? Jane: Watching horror movies, practicing cult rituals, you know, the usual. Daria: Well, since you put it that way, sure. I have no other plans anyway. Jane: Cool. My parents are prolonging their casual visit till next Friday, so unless you like constant yelling, you can't come over. Daria: That's okay. I've stayed home for long periods of time before. What are you going to do during the fighting? Jane: Hang out in the basement with Trent. Decorate the house. Stuff. Daria: Gee, how will I ever live through missing that? Jane: Be strong. There's always next year. Daria: Do the cult rituals include sacrifice? Jane: Kinda. See ya later. I'm not hungry. Daria: Later. Scene 4: The Morgendorffers are all seated around the kitchen table, "eating" dinner. Quinn is on the cordless phone, Helen is screaming something at Jake, and Daria is picking at her plate while staring into space, pondering Jane's answer to her sacrifice question. Quinn: Oh yes, that would be perfect costumes for the fashion club! You're so smart, Sandi. No, you're the best. Uh huh, yeah that's really cute. Okay, bye. Helen: Jake, how dense can you possibly, be?! Jake! JAKE, PUT DOWN THE DAMN PAPER!!! Quinn: Mom, did you know that when you yell, this one vain shows up on your temple and makes your face look really, really bad? Helen: Hm? Quinn: Well, I'm not very hungry. Sandi's gonna buy the fashion club costumes, and I told her I was a size smaller than I was, cause, like, who's gonna tell someone their real dress size, right? Anyway, I gotta go do some situps and go on a diet to slim down a bit. Bye. (gets up and leaves) Helen: Wha? Uh, Daria, what are your plans for Halloween? Daria! Daria: Huh? Oh, um, I'm going to Jane's to watch horror movies. Helen: That's nice. I think Quinn had a party she was going to, wasn't she? Daria: Yeah. Brittany's place. Helen: Great, then your father and I can go to the firm for the office Halloween party! Daria: I'm not hungry. I'll be in my room. (gets up and leaves) Helen: Jake, doesn't that sound like fun? Jake! JAKE!!! Scene 5: Sandi and the rest of the fashion club are at Cashman's, trying on gowns. Tiffany walks out of a dressing room with a long, silk, violet number on. She holds out her arms. Tiffany: Does this make me look fat? Sandi: Of course not. You look really cute, right Quinn? Quinn: Yeah! What do you think, Stacy? Stacy: You're so smooshy! Tiffany: Really? Sandi: Really. Like, would we lie to you? Tiffany: No way. So, it doesn't make me look fat? (everyone shakes their head while smiling sugary sweetly. Tiffany smiles.) All right. Quinn: Sandi, it was such a good idea for the fashion club to be models for Halloween. Sandi: Well, duh. Stacy: You're so smart, Sandi. Sandi: Only about important stuff. Quinn: When's Brittany's party again? Sandi: Like, I do I look like a Teen Life Runner? Quinn: Um, no. Sandi: Then how would I know what time the party is? You know the fashion club always arrives at parties fashionably late. We'll just show up at, like, eight, or something. Okay? Quinn: Okay, Sandi. Stacy: Should we carpool? Sandi: Yes. Making an entrance is just as important as the costume you wear to the party. Scene 6: Jane and Trent are setting up the basement with large candels, huge wooden coffins, and other vintage Halloween decorations. The phone rings and Jane sprints up the stairs to the cordless. Jane: Yo. Daria: Hey. Jane: Hey, Daria. What's up? Daria: Absolutely nothing. Hey, I don't hear yelling. Jane: Oh yeah, Mom and Dad are taking a nap. Daria: Oh. So can I come over for a few minutes? Jane: Um, no. Trent and I are in the middle of decorating. I figured I'd save you the trouble of embarrassment in front of Trent and just not invite you. Daria: Are you well? Jane: Yeah. I'm just busy. You can see why you couldn't come over in a couple days. Daria: Two to be exact. Jane: Okay, we're counting the hours. Daria: Minutes. Jane: You're really excited about this, aren't you? Daria: Why shouldn't I be? Don't you usually try to get me to show emotion? Jane: Yeah, well, it's weird when you do it voluntarily. Daria: Okay, so when should I get over to your house? Jane: Um, before the sun sets. About an hour before. Daria: Uh, okay. Jane: Cool, later. (hangs up) Daria: Later. Jane runs down the stairs again to find Trent wearing all black and flipping through a large book that looks really old. Jane: Forget how to neck someone? Trent: No. I'm looking up the potion ingridients for the serum I have to mix into her drink before I bite her. You don't want her to die, do you? Jane: No. I forgot about the serum. Does it taste bad? Trent: Horrible. But all she needs to drink is a sip. After that, it's up to one of us to explain her everything. Jane: I should do it. Unless you want to play with your little sex toy first. Trent: Jane, you never cease to amaze. Jane: I try. Scene 7: Daria is walking to the Lane's on Halloween night. Little kids are running all around her with ghost and princess and goblin costumes on. She rolls her eyes and continues to Jane's house. Upon arrival, she rings the doorbell. Jane opens the door, looking white as a sheet and wearing all black, holding a big bowl of candy. Jane: Oh, it's you. Come on in. Daria: You sound excited. Jane: I was expecting another little brat. Want some candy? Daria: No, that's okay. So this is what you were working on all week long? Jane looks behind her to see a few cardboard pin ups and some fake cobwebs, complete with plastic spiders. She smirks. Jane: Nope. I was working on the basement. Come take a gander at our handywork. Daria: Where did you pick up such language? Jane: Old movies. Daria: You look a little paler than usual. Almost completely white. Jane: It's makeup. And I got these awesome fangs too. (opens mouth to reveal fangs) Daria: Those look really authentic. How much did you pay for those? Jane: It was a gift. So let's go check out the basement. I wanna see your face when you take a look at our project. Daria: I'll try to stay as docile as possible. Jane leads Daria to the basement. As they get to the point were they can actually see any of the good stuff, Daria's eyes bolt open and her mouth drops in awe. Jane: Told you it was good. Scene 8: Quinn and the fashion club step out of the small yellow convertable, all wearing sequine gowns of different colors, and walk up the walkway to the front door. Only two or three cars are parked in the driveway, but they take no notice. Sandi rings the doorbell and steps back with the other three. Brittany comes to the door wearing a Juliet costume, simply beaming with joy. Brittany: Oh good! You're the first people to show up besides Upchuck, Kevin, Jodie, and Mack. Quinn: Then we're not really the first, are we? Brittany: (vacantly) uuuumm, no? Sandi: So, there's, like, no guys here yet? Brittany: Yes, of course there's guys! Kevin, Mack, and (coldly) Upchuck. Tiffany: But we showed up an hour late. Quinn: Where is everyone? Brittany: The invitations said eight thirty. You guys are all early! Sandi: It did? Brittany: Yeah! Didn't you read it? I wrote all fifty of them by myself, and it really hurt my hand, and that meant I couldn't practice with the rest of the cheerleaders last Monday, which made me really sad. But then Kevin brought me to this really cool spot over by the- Sandi: We're early?! Quinn: Gee Sandi, maybe you should carry a Teen Life Runner. It might have prevented this embarrassing momment. Sandi: This isn't as embarrassing as that dress you're wearing. Quinn: You helped me buy this dress! Everyone agreed it was cute! Sandi: Tiffany, did *you* say it was cute? Tiffany: No way. Quinn: Stacy, you think it's cute, right? Brittany: I think it's cute. Come on in and join the party. Quinn: What do you know about fashion? Sandi: You walk around school in that ugly cheerleading outfit everyday. Quinn: How on earth could you call that fashionable? Sandi: Come on girls. Let's go wait for the guys inside. Scene 9: Daria walks around the basement, looking in awe at the authentic decorations all around her. She eventually finds the coffins in the corner. Jane comes up beside her and raises an eyebrow. She opens one of them, revealing Trent, asleep with his arms across his chest. Jane: Trent! Daria's here! Trent opens his eyes slowly and a smile spreads across his face. He sits up straight and stretches his arms a little. Trent: Hey Daria. Daria: You actually fell asleep in a coffin? Trent: Only on Halloween. It's very comfortable. Try one out. Daria: No, that's okay. Jane: You're staying the night, right? Daria: Yeah. Jane: Well, on Halloween, we leave our earthly beds and sleep in these bad boys for the night. Cool, huh? Daria: I knew you guys were different, but Jesus. Jane: Do not mention his name in our house of satan, little missy. (smirks) Daria: Right, sorry. I am not going to sleep in one of these, Jane. Trent: Sure ya will. (jumps out.) Just try it out for size. (picks her up by the waist and lifts her up to the coffin edge) Daria: Ah! What are you doing? Trent: Putting you in the coffin. Jane: Every girl's dream. Listen, I'm gonna go get some drinks. You two mingle, tickle, whatever comes naturally. (leaves with a smirk and a well deserved glare from Daria.) Trent: So lay down in the coffin. Daria: Might as well, since I'm already in it. Daria lays down and closes her eyes. Trent takes off her glasses and puts her arms across her chest. She stares at him curiously. Daria: Now what are you doing? Trent: You gotta lay down in a coffin like this. That's how you're suppose to do it. Daria: Are you gonna burry me ten feet under now? Trent: Unless you want to be cremated. (laughs, then coughs, revealing his fangs) Daria: You got the same fangs Jane has. Trent: Yeah. Daria: Those look so real. Can you take them out? Trent: I'm not gonna. You have to glue them in your mouth. You wanna feel them? Daria: Um, okay. (reaches out and feels one of the fangs in his mouth. Retreats her hand back to her chest.) They feel like real teeth. Trent: They're suppose to. So what do ya think of the decorations? Daria: They're the best I've ever seen. Next year is going to rock. Trent: Yes it will. Jane: Okay kids, separate or I'll get out the cattle prong. Daria sits up and gets out of the coffin, admiring the handy work on it. Daria: What kind of wood is this? Jane: Oak. They're real coffins. Made for the living impaired themselves. Daria: And we're going to sleep in them tonight? Jane: Yep. We've got a third one from when Wind used to live with us. Daria: Hunh. This is so cool. Trent: You think that's cool. Check out this. Trent grabs her hand and drags her to the huge book on a pedistle with candles surrounding the background and two on the pedistle for reading. After she overcomes the initial shock of Trent holding her hand, Daria steps up to the book and begins reading and flipping pages. Her facial expression is nothing short of pure awe. Trent walks up behind her and puts his hand on hers, moving it to a poem. She looks up at him and his smile that could melt your heart. She blushes and looks back to the book, reading the poem. Daria: That's really good. Jane: Daria, this is gonna take awhile. Have a drink. (hands her the glass of red punch. Trent takes one too and gulps it down. Daria takes a sip and winces at the flavor.) Daria: This is pure crap. What the hell is it? Jane: A serum. Scene 10: Quinn and the fashion clubbers are standing around a huge group of people in ugly costumes. No one is recognizable except Kevin, Jodie, and Mack. Kevin is in his uniform, Jodie is a medival maiden, and Mack is in a Phantom of the Opera mask and suit/cape. Everyone around them has on masks and huge, expensive costumes. Jeffy, Joey, and Jamie walk up to Quinn, dressed as a ghost, a werewolf, and a movie vampire (large cape with hood, fake chompers, well combed hair, and all the other stereotypes), in that order. Joey: Hi Quinn. I love your costume. Jeffy: Hi Quinn. You look really hot in that dress. Jamie: Hi Quinn. I like the dress most. Quinn: Hi guys. Um, could one of you get me a soda? Jamie: I'll get it! Joey: No, me! Jeffy: You got one the last time! It's my turn! Joey: No, it's my turn! Jamie: It's mine! Quinn: Guys, don't fight over me. Sandi: Gee Quinn, share the wealth. Quinn: But I don't have any cash on me. Stacy: Duh, Sandi. There weren't any matching purses in the whole store, or the other stores we shopped at, so how could we possibly have any cash on us? Tiffany: Really. Sandi: I meant, maybe Quinn could share the guys with us. All these weirdos are starting to really freak me out. Tiffany: *Really.* Sandi: Maybe there'll be more room at Quinn's house. Quinn: Um, okay! Nobody's home tonight, so we'll have the whole house to ourselves. Woo hoo. Stacy: We could have a seiaunce! Oh, we could bring back the ghost of Marilyn Monroe! Sandi: Eww, why would you want to see that weirdo musician? He's, like, totally gross and not even into fashion at *all.* Stacy: Huh? Quinn: I'm confused. Tiffany: Yeah. Sandi: Oh really? Maybe I'm just too fast for you guys. Stacy: But isn't Marilyn Monroe the model that died a really long time ago? Sandi: Um, like, how should I know? Quinn: Maybe you misunderstood, Sandi. It's a simple mistake. Sandi: Oh, like you would never make a mistake, Quinn? As the fashion police battle it out, a crowd is forming around them, watching the cat fight in action. Upchuck is taping it with a camcorder he brought. Brittany and Kevin are heard in the laundry closet, making out and "stuff." Scene 11: Right after Jane tells Daria what she's drinking. Daria: What? Trent: A serum. Now listen to what she has to say. Jane: Daria, we've always been different from other people. Daria: So? Jane: Well, that's not the half of it. Don't scream when I say this, but, we're vampires. Daria: (thinks she kidding) And I'm the bride of Frankenstien. What's with the damn serum? Trent: She's not kidding, Daria. Daria: What the hell are you saying? Jane: We're vampires. We drink blood and grow fangs. Daria: Drink blood? Trent: Yeah. It tastes really good. Daria: Get away from me. (backs away from them both) Jane: Daria, don't over react. We're not going to hurt you. Trent: It's still us. Just a little older and with the ability to scare the living crap out of people on Halloween. Jane: All Hallow's Eve. Trent: Same dif. Daria: Okay, so you told me this because...? Trent: We're willing to let you stay with us. Jane: Think about it Daria, you get to live forever, get rid of your family, and stay with us your entire life. Trent: You never age, and the only things that can kill you are a stake through the heart and sunlight 24 hours after All Hallow's Eve. Daria: What about the garlic and the whole blood of a virgin thing? Wait a minute, I'm a virgin. Jane: That has nothing to do with it. We simply want to offer you this awesome lifestyle. Daria: Why me? Jane: Because you understand us. I can tell because you didn't scream and run out of the house like the other so called friends I had. Besides, you like this type of thing. Daria: You guys are freaking me out. Jane: But you're not running. You know it's us. Daria: Um, yeah. Trent: Do you want to live with us, Daria? Jane: You get to have Trent neck you. (smirks) Daria: I dunno. My family's not all that bad. And what if I go ahead and do this, then get killed or something? Trent: We won't let it happen, Daria. I promise. Daria: Well... Scene 12: The crowd has now filtered out and most of the guests have left to make the curfew law. The fashion club has now stopped fighting and has separated to flirt with whatever guys are left. Quinn is talking to the three J's, Sandi is talking to a cute boy with blonde hair, Stacy is talking to one of the football players, and Tiffany is sitting alone on a couch. Quinn: Um, it's getting late. Who wants to take me home? Joey: I'll walk you home, Quinn. Jeffy: I'll drive you home in my dad's new car. Jamie: I'll drive you home in my new convertable! Quinn: Like, okay, Johnny. Jamie: It's Jamie. Quinn: Whatever. Sandi: So, like, when can you take me to Chez Peirre, um, guy? Guy: It's Alex. And I suppose tomorrow. Sandi: You suppose? I *can* get another date, you know. Alex: Then why are you talking to me? Sandi: Like, duh. You're, like, the cutest guy here, and you didn't want to talk to Quinn. Alex: I am? Sandi: It's only so obvious. Alex: Thanks. Tomorrow then. It's a date? Sandi: Like, sure. Alex: All right then. Stacy: Um, if I went out with you, would you call me for a second date? Football Player: Sure, babe. Stacy: Really? Okay then! Where will we go? Football Player: How about the Pizza Parlor? Stacy: Umm, all right. A pretty girl with a big chest walks past them and the football player turns to watch her walk away from them. Stacy looks like she's been kicked in the gut, and starts to tear up. The Football Player looks back to her and smiles cutely. She beams again at the attention and lets him put his arm around her back. Tiffany continues to sit by herself on the couch with a glass of punch. Scene 13: Daria is sitting on an antique couch with Jane and Trent, trying to think this whole thing over. Trent is starting to get a little worried; they've already told her about them, and there's a small possiblity that she might not join them. Daria: I still don't know. Jane: What's not to know? You live forever, you get to legally kill people, and the entire human race is none the wiser! Daria: My family will eventually find out I'm not there. Jane: You'll be there Daria. Here's how it works. Trent bites you, you die, you come back to life, you go on living FOREVER. Where's the bad part? Daria: Wait a minute. I *die*?! Trent: Well, yah. You have to die before you rise from the dead. Daria: Will it hurt? Jane: Sure, there's the initial pain. But it only lasts a few seconds, and then everything's perfect again. Daria: No, everything's not perfect. Nothing's perfect, Jane. Trent: Daria, we've cheated death for over 200 years. I think we can handle one more person in our circle. Daria: It all sounds great in theory, guys. It really does, but you gotta understand my doubts, right? Jane: Of course. But if you don't make up your mind in about an hour, that serum is gonna wear off, and leave your digestive system with some serious problems. Daria: What?! Jane: I'm kidding. You'll get a stomach ache for a day and a half, tops. Daria: Oh. (sighs) All right. Trent: All right, what? Daria: All right, I'll join you guys. Jane: Yes! I knew you would! Trent: Cool, Daria. Jane: So do you want to do something before the whole ceremony, or just go ahead and get on with it? Daria: Um, just do it. Jane: All right. Now remember, it'll hurt for a little bit, but Trent will hold onto your hand, so you won't feel a thing. Daria: (takes a deep breath) Um hm. Trent stands up, taking Daria's hand in his, leading her to her feet. He puts his hand behind her hair and grabs the back of her neck, cocking her head to the side slightly. Daria gasps, and he bites down, sucking out a small amount of her blood. She gets a little dizzy and stumbles forward into him. She sits on the couch and clentches her teeth to bere with the pain. Jane stands up beside her brother and smiles. Daria finally blacks out and stops moving. Trent kneels at her side and feels her neck for a pulse. Trent: She's dead. Jane: Okay, now we just wait fifteen minutes for the serum to kick in, and back to life she comes. Trent: Yeah. You think we did the right thing? Jane: Of course, Trent. Hey, how'd she taste? Trent: Sweet. Jane: Too bad I couldn't have a sample. Trent: Yeah. Maybe you could pray she gets a papercut. Jane: Quit trying to find hope. We worship the devil. Trent: Only one night a year. Jane: Okay, so in a couple days I'll hope. (doorbell rings) Trick or Treater alert. I'll get it. Trent: Kay. (watches Jane leave; looks at Daria) I hope we did the right thing. Daria's eyes bolt open and she gasps, sweating slightly. Trent: Welcome back to earth. Daria: Am I still dead? Trent: Uh huh. How you feel? Daria: Like crap. My neck is in knots and my head hurts. Trent: I remember that feeling vividly. Daria: After all these years? Trent: Yeah. It's weird the things you remember. Daria: Uh huh. Trent: You're still bleeding. Daria: Really? (feels her neck and looks at her blood covered fingers) Aw hell. Trent: Can I...? Daria: Huh? Trent leans closer to her and licks up the mess on her neck. She closes her eyes and blushes as a wave of pleasure runs down her spine. Trent lifts his head away from her neck and smiles. Trent: You're very sweet, ya know. Daria: I am? Trent: Yeah. But it probably tastes bad to you. It always does. Daria: Oh. Trent: You tired? Daria: And lightheaded. Trent: Yep. Remember that part two. (chuckles, coughs) Come on, lets get you in the coffin. A good night's sleep is what you need. Daria: Thanks. Trent helps her to the coffin and kisses her goodnight on the forehead. He then closes the lid and walks to the TV, turning it on. Scene 14: The fashion club has now regrouped at the Morgendorffer residence for their seiaunce. Candles are all around the living room, and a Ouiji board is spread out on the coffee table. The girls have their hands on the little game peice, which is slowly moving in a small circle. Tiffany: So, what should we ask? Sandi: What about which one of us is cutest? Stacy: What about who we're going to marry? Quinn: Let's ask if we'll be models when we grow up. Sandi: That's a really good idea Quinn. I really want to know that answer. Even if I already know what it is. Quinn: What Sandi? Sandi: Well I *know* I'm going to be a model. But if you guys wanna know, go ahead and ask. Quinn: All right. Is Sandi gonna be a model when she grows up? (under her breath) If she grows up. Sandi: What? Quinn: Nothing. The Ouiji board circles around and around, then passes by the "yes" answer, and lands straight on the "no" answer. Sandi: Quinn, you moved it. Quinn: I did not! Sandi: Then how do you explain this mistake? Quinn: Maybe you won't be a model when you grow up. Sandi: Then lets ask it what *you'll* be when you grow up. Quinn: Fine. Sandi: What will Quinn be doing when *she* grows up? The ouiji game peice circles the board some more and lands on the letters :H-O-U-S-E-W-I-F-E. Quinn gasps, horrified, while Sandi smiles evilly. Sandi: Gee Quinn, too bad. Guess you'll have to start cleaning and cooking or something. Stacy: My mom's a housewife. It's not so bad. You get to stay at home and go to malls whenever you want to. Quinn: Really? Stacy: Uh huh. Sandi: Well then, why are we even in school if doing that is sooo much better than a real job? Stacy: I dunno. Quinn: So we can get friends and talk about stuff and meet boys. Sandi: Oh, right. I just wish they didn't try to make you learn stuff all the time. Tiffany: I know, it's so stupid. Sandi: Tell me about it. Quinn: Oh I *know*! Stacy: Yeah. Scene 15: Jane walks into the basement and notices the closed casket. She turns to Trent, who is reading the huge book, looking for something. Jane: She woke up? Trent: Uh huh. She just got tired. Reaction from the blood loss. Jane: Hmm. What'cha readin'? Trent: Some laws of vampirism. I never remember most of this crap. Jane: You got eternity to learn 'em. Trent: It's been an eternity since I first looked through this damn thing. Jane: You tired of it all? Trent: I'm tired of life. Jane: That's understandable. When all the fun stuff you can do in life is done, what's left to do? Trent: Nothing. We've done everything in the world twice, sometimes three times over. Is there anything else to do? Jane: You know the one thing you haven't done? Trent: Hmm? Jane: Have a kid. Trent: What are you implying? Jane: We've been alive for over two hundred years. Why hasn't one of us reproduced yet? Trent: Cause kids slow you down. Make you want to settle into one town and stay there for the rest of your life. Jane: I want one. Trent: Do you know how complicated it is to bring another person into our circle? Jane: We just let Daria in. How hard can one more person be? Trent: Janey, maybe when you graduate we'll pull another guy in. Your current boyfriend or something. Jane: What about Jesse? Trent: Jesse? Jane: He's into the whole scare the shit off kids thing. Why not? He understands us too. Trent: Not the way Daria does. Scene 16: Jane and Trent have stopped arguing and are now watching TV and flipping through the big book. Daria is starting to wake up. Daria: Ohh. I have such a headache. Jane: (walks the coffin; opens it) Rise and shine. Daria: I never shine. Trent: Well, according to the book, everything's done, ceremonial wise. Now we can do whatever, except go into the sunlight tomorrow. Jane: We can tell Helen you're having dinner here tomorrow. Daria: So now I'm a vampire. Trent: Uh huh. Daria: You sure there's no side effects? Jane: Well, no. But next year you have to bite someone and drink a little of their blood to start the immortality. It makes you stop aging. Daria: Great. How the hell am I going to do that? Jane: You could do it to Upchuck. Pretend you're necking him, then bite and run away. No one is gonna believe he died from a vampire bite. Daria: Sounds great in theory. What if they find out it was me that did it? Jane: Daria, we live forever. They could give you three hundred years and you'd live to see the day. Daria: I don't want to go to jail. Jane: I'm just saying. Daria: This is going to be just wonderful. Trent: Hey, don't worry about it. We could find some drugged up herione adict and they'd figure he died of the crap. I've seen it work before. Daria: When? Trent: A couple decades ago. Some guy we knew in the 70's. Daria: Hey, what were the 70's really like? Jane: Pretty boring. Everyone was always high and since we didn't want to get drugged up, we were outcasts beyond belief. Daria: Instead of like you are now. Jane: Yeah. Scene 17: Helen and Jake are just getting home from the office party. Both are noticiably semi-drunk, and very tired. Neither are wearing costumes. The fashion zombies have left, except Quinn, who is cleaning up the mess the other girls left for her to pick up, claiming it was her career training. Quinn is extremely angry about this and has changed out of her "costume" and into her pajamas. Helen: Quinn, what happened? Did you throw a party? Quinn: No. Sandi and Stacy and Tiffany wanted to have a seiaunce, so we came over here and the ouiji board said Sandi wasn't going to be a model, so she got mad. Then she asked it what *I* was going to be when I grow up, and it said housewife, so I got mad. And then Stacy said something about her mom being a housewife and that it was a really cool job, but Sandi got mad and asked why no one wants to be a housewife if it's such a great job, and Stacy didn't know, so she got upset. And then Sandi wanted to leave, and Tiffany wanted to go with her, then Stacy said her mom wanted her home before midnight and it was already 11:45, and since it takes twenty minutes to get there she needed to go now, and everyone left. But Sandi said I needed training to become a housewife, so she made this big mess and told me to clean it up! Helen: That's nice sweety. Your father and I are a little tired, so we're gonna go to bed. You should too, hon. Quinn: Did you hear anything I said, mom? Helen: Uh huh Quinn. Good night. Quinn: Mom! You didn't listen to anything I said! Helen: Night Quinn. Helen walks up the staircase to her bedroom, leaving Quinn to herself. Scene 18: Daria, Jane, and Trent spent the whole night talking, watching TV, and listening to music. As daybreak approached, the antique grandfather clock struck seven. Jane looked at it and sighed. Jane: And another Halloween has left us. Time for bed, guys. Daria: We're suppose to sleep all day? Trent: Yep. And when the sun sets, at about six, six thirty, we get up, and have dinner. Then to get us back on day schedules, we go back to bed. Daria: Whole lot of sleeping. Jane: It's a peaceful existance. Daria: Sounds that way. Trent: Come on, bed time. Jane: Coffin time. Daria: Deadly hour. Trent: I like that one. Jane: Um hm. The three walk to their coffins and get inside, closing the lids. Jane: Night Trent, night Daria. Daria: Night Jane. Trent: Night Janey, night Daria. Daria: Night Trent. Scene 19: That evening, the grandfather clock strikes six o'clock. Daria wakes up first. She opens her coffin's lid and steps out to stretch. Jane opens her lid and groggily gets out, waving hello and walking to the bathroom upstairs. Daria walks to Trent's coffin and lifts the lid. He opens his eyes, but doesn't move a muscle. He smiles and looks straight at Daria. She smiles back and begins to walk away, but he catches her hand and sits up. She smiles wider and laughs a little. He swings his legs around the edge, sitting up. Daria steps between his legs and rests her hands on the edge of the casket on either side of them. Trent: Morning. Daria: Evening. Trent: Aw, the wonderful darkness. Daria: Cold and disturbing. Trent: Just like us. Daria: So what's on the menu? Trent: I think Jane is gonna cook us some french toast. Daria: I can live with that. Trent: Oh really. Check your pulse. Daria: You mean I don't have a pulse? Trent: Nope. Daria: Cool. Daria feels her neck, not finding anything, then her wrists. Nothing. She smiles approvingly. Daria: This is gonna be cooler than I thought. Trent: Uh huh. Daria: So what happens after college? Trent: Well, we have a variety of places to move to. Where have you always wanted to live? Daria: Um, nowhere, really. Anywhere but here. Trent: We have awhile to think about it. Jane VO: Guys! Come help with the food! I'm not your damn wench! Daria: Wench is waitress. You mean maid. Jane VO: Shut up and get your asses in here! Trent: We're coming, Janey. Hold your horses! Daria: Or whatever it is you have. Daria steps away and Trent gets out of the casket. They walk up the stairs and close the door. Scene 20: Daria is walking home that night, thinking of what all happened. She smiles evilly, thinking of things to do next Halloween. She walks in the door to find Quinn sleeping on the couch with the TV on, her parents no where to seen, and the huge mess still laying all over the floor. She looks at it all and walks up the staircase to her bedroom. The End