SUMMARY: Can a fashion queen grow a conscience? Can a too-cute puppy overcome his physical defects? Can a Fashion Club enterprise succeed? Next on Sick Sa - er, this fic! CHRONOLOGICAL NOTE: This fic in no way relates in time to any of my other fics. FROM LITTLE THINGS... By Cassie Murphy enola_r@hotmail.com SCENE ONE: Cedars of Lawndale Hospital, the office of the cardiac doctor from "Jake of Hearts", mid-afternoon. The doctor is behind her desk and Jake and Helen are in the visitor's chairs. Jake is fiddling with a model heart on the desk. DOCTOR: (Referring to a chart on a clipboard) Mrs Morgendorffer, after looking at your husband's charts, I must say, I'm very surprised. Jake's blood pressure is astronomical. (While Jake is playing with the heart, the aorta falls off) HELEN: Well, I suppose I could make a *few* more changes to his diet . . . JAKE: (Struggling to put the heart back together) Stupid aorta . . . DOCTOR: (Taking the heart away from Jake. Jake pouts) That's just it Mrs Morgendorffer. Jake's diet is fine, perfect for a heart-attack recoverer. His high blood pressure appears to be totally stress-related. HELEN: (Defensive) I *try*, don't you think I *try*? I keep telling him and telling him to relax, but he ju - DOCTOR: Mrs Morgendorffer, no one's blaming you. There are many strategies you could follow to lower Jake's stress, such as alleviating his workload, going on a holiday or taking up tai chi or yoga. However, I think buying a pet would work best with Jake. (At this Jake perks up) JAKE: Hey yeah, that's a *great* idea! (To Helen) Can we Helen, can we? Pleease? HELEN: Well, I don't know Jake, they do cost an awful lot of . . . JAKE: (Oblivious) I never had a pet as a child. *No*, no son of Mad Dog Morgendorffer's was going to have a sissy little *pet*. Not unless it was a *hunting* dog, but of *course* - HELEN: Jake! (Notices the doctor looking a little alarmed) All right, all right, we'll buy a pet. JAKE: (Hugs Helen) Yay! Thanks honey! SCENE TWO: Morgendorffer house, living room, that evening. Quinn is talking on the cordless to Sandi; Daria is reading a book. QUINN: Mmm . . . mhmm . . . yeah, I guess . . . I don't know Sandi, why would anyone bid for old clothes? (Cut to shot of Sandi) SANDI: *Kuh*winn, please, because they're *retro*. And besides, they're *our* old clothes. (Cut back to Quinn) QUINN: Oh yeah, of *course*, I don't know why *I* didn't think of that Sandi . . . (her eyes narrow) yes, I sup*pose* it could be cause I'm not president material like *you* are. (The CallWaiting beeps) QUINN: Hang on Sandi, I've got a call. (She presses a button on the phone) Hello? . . . Nick?! Why are *you* calling me? NICK: (VO) Can't I call my girlfriend? QUINN: One date does *not* make us a couple Nick. NICK: (VO) We had five! QUINN: Well, they were a long time ago. NICK: (VO) We went out last night! To the lookout! QUINN: That was *you*?! *Ewww*!! (Hangs up quickly) DARIA: (Looking up from her book) Losing your memory Quinn? Or is it your eyesight? QUINN: Shut up . . . *you*. I do *not* need *geeky* glasses. DARIA: But you might want to get your mind checked . . . if they can find it. (Quinn glares at her) Didn't you just hang up on Sandi? QUINN: Don't worry, I do that all the time. (The front door opens and Jake and Helen enter) JAKE: Guess what kids! We're getting a pet! DARIA: (Looking at Quinn) I thought we already had a small-minded animal that needed a lot of grooming. SCENE THREE: Lawndale Mall, the pet store, Saturday morning. The Morgendorffers enter the shop, Jake and Helen in their weekend wear. Jake immediately runs over to the fish tank with Joanne the boa constrictor in it. JAKE: Cool! A *snake*! I've always wanted a snake! Can I get a snake Helen? HELEN: Uhh . . . (Just then Mr Matthews, the owner of the pet shop, runs over) MATTHEWS: Ex*cuse* me? Can't you *read* the *sign*? (He points to a sign on the tank that reads "NO Morgendorffers Allowed Near The Tank". All the Morgendorffers step back. Quinn notices a cage with some kittens in it) QUINN: Aww! Cute little kitties! Mom, can we get a cute little kitty? *Everyone* likes cute little kitties. (Pause) Except for Daria. DARIA: Hey, I like cute little kitties, but I couldn't eat a whole one. QUINN: (Peering into a cage of budgies) A budgie! Can we have a budgie Mom? We can teach it to repeat everything we say! DARIA: Don't you already have the Fashion Nazis for that? QUINN: (Hands on hips) Well what do *you* want Daria? (Daria turns around and sees a cage with a ferret in it. She crouches down to look at it) DARIA: A ferret would be cool. Even *you'd* like this one Quinn, cause when you get tired of it, you can skin it and turn it into a wrap. QUINN: Ewww! Dar-ri-a! Fur is *so* last season. Cute animals should *not* be killed. (Looks over Daria's shoulder at the ferret) Ugh, on the other hand, this animal *deserves* to die. (Quinn walks off screen. Daria eyes the ferret, who twitches its nose) DARIA: Don't worry, you're not her colour anyway. QUINN: (OS) Aww! *Cute*! DARIA: (Straightens up) Aww Christ. (Cut to where Quinn, Jake and Helen are. They're standing around a sort of playpen filled with lots of Maltese puppies. Basically, they're white, fluffy and oh-so-cute) QUINN: Aren't they *cute* Daria? DARIA: Don't worry, I'm sure they'll grow out of it. QUINN: Mom, can we have one? Can we? Pleease Mom? Can we? HELEN: *No*. Do you have any idea how much these things cost? (Cut to the back seat of the Morgendorffer car, Daria on the left, Quinn on the right, a Maltese puppy on Quinn's lap) HELEN: (OS, disgruntled) Well, now you've spent all my money on him, what're you girls gonna call the puppy? QUINN: Munchkin! DARIA: Mongrel. QUINN: Snookie! DARIA: Cerberus*. QUINN: Fifi! DARIA: Fenris-wolf*. QUINN: Gigi! DARIA: Garm*. QUINN: Dar-ri-a! Be *serious*! DARIA: Serious? Gigi? QUINN: Well let's let *Mom* name him. DARIA: Mom? After the *great* job she did naming *us*, *Kuh*winn? QUINN: Well *your* name isn't so great *either* *Daria*. DARIA: Duh. HELEN: (Sounding a bit stressed) Girls, why don't you let your father decide? After all, the dog is meant for *him*. JAKE: Funny you should say that Helen, because I wanted to name it after my dear old Mom - HELEN: *Jake*, it's a *male*. JAKE: My mother's a transsexual?! HELEN: No Jake, the *dog*. JAKE: The *dog's* a transsexual?! HELEN: No Jake, the damn dog is male! Now name him! JAKE: O-Okay honey, how bout Rex? We'll call him Rex okay? HELEN: Okay. SCENE FOUR: Morgendorffer house, the living room, Sunday morning. Sandi, Stacy and Tiffany sit on the couches. Quinn enters, holding Rex. STACY: Oh! A *puppy*! SANDI: *What* is *that*? QUINN: Isn't he *cute*? He's my new puppy, Rex! (Quinn sits down next to Sandi. Sandi leans in to scrutinise the dog. Cut to close up of their faces in close proximity of each other. Rex growls softly and Sandi glares at him. Rex yelps, jumps out of Quinn's lap and runs out of the room and up the stairs) TIFFANY: Your dog's *weird* Quinn. SANDI: It wasn't like anything my *Fluffy* would do. QUINN: That's because no pet would *dare* imitate anything *Fluffy* would do Sandi. SANDI: (Smiles smugly) *Right*. Now, let's get down to business. Last week, when Quinn was telling us about some "simple" modifications we could make to our wardrobes to make it *seem* as though we had bought an entirely *new* one, I suggested an even *better* idea: actually *buying* a new wardrobe. Then the issue of funding was brought up. (Sandi glares at Quinn) SANDI: I promised you by this meeting I would have come up with an idea, and I have. We'll have a fundraising auction, where we will auction off our old clothes, seeing as we won't need them anymore. What do you guys think? (There are murmurs of assent from Stacy and Tiffany, Quinn is silent) (Cut to the hallway outside Daria's closed door. Rex scratches on the door, and Daria opens it. Rex looks up, sits down and wags his tail) DARIA: Welcome to the Dark Side. (Rex trots into her room past her legs, and Daria closes the door) COMMERCIAL BUMPER: Slow motion close up of Sandi glaring at Rex and Rex yelping. (Cut to commercials) SCENE FIVE: Lawndale High, Mr O'Neill's English room, during Quinn's class. Quinn is up the back, staring into space. We can hear Mr O'Neill talking under Quinn's interior monologue, but the words are indistinguishable. QUINN: (VO) God, English is *so* boring. Look at this! Boring, boring, boring. Knee highs and a mini? That's *so* last year. Don't these people know *any*thing about *fashion*? Where are the *capris*? Where are the paisley headscarves? What happened to *style*, to co-ordination? What happened to *finesse*? What happened to that girl's *hair*? Is she *crazy*? Is this whole *world* going *mad*? Is this period *ever* going to *end*? MS LI: (VO) Is this thing on? (Cut to front of the room. Mr O'Neill has stopped talking to listen to the announcement over the intercom) LI: (VO) Yes? Good. Students, a *sad* day has descended upon Laaawndale High. It is my *unfortunate* duty to inform you that a student of the sophomore grade, one whose *many* achievements have brought *much* honour unto Laaawndale High, Mitch Carmody, has *tragically* been involved in a car accident, breaking his leg. (At this point, Mr O'Neill breaks down crying) LI: (VO) But, there *is* a silver lining to *every* cloud. Mr Carmody, due to the *terrible* trauma of his accident, will receive an *immediate* A+ in *all* his courses - (Cut to shot of Ms Barch at her desk) BARCH: Damn! (Cut back to Mr O'Neill's classroom) LI: (VO) - Bringing up the average of the rest of his grade, and thereby bringing even *more* *honour* and *glory* unto Laaawndale High. (Intercom clicks off) O'NEILL: (Wiping his eyes) Oh that's terrible, just terrible. Does anyone have any questions about this most *distressing* event? (Cut to Quinn. She has her hand up) QUINN: Um, yeah. Does this mean Mitch won't be able to make our date this Friday? (A girl sitting in front of Quinn whips around, looking pretty incensed) GIRL: Is that *all* you ever think about? Your*self*? Quinn looks surprised and embarrassed, then her face falls and her whole body slumps. Cut to close up of her face. Hold on it as we move into the next scene. SCENE SIX: Lawndale High, outside the front door, that afternoon. Close up of Quinn's face, still dejected. Zoom out to reveal the rest of the Fashion Club standing around. SANDI: Quinn, what's up with you? You're not upset about Mitch are you? Getting upset about guys is a *big* fashion don't. TIFFANY: Yeah, pink and mournful *don't* go. QUINN: Guys, am I shallow and self-obsessed? SANDI: No-o-o. TIFFANY: Never. STACY: Not at all Quinn! You're the deepest person I know! (Sandi gives her a look) Apart from Sandi that is! (Quinn sighs. Just then the three Js run over) JEFFY: Here are those photos you had us secretly take of you Quinn! JOEY: Don't worry, you looked great all day! JAMIE: I took the most! JOEY: You did not! *I* did Quinn, don't listen to him. JEFFY: Well *I* developed *all* of them. (Quinn whimpers and runs off screen weeping. The three Js move to follow her, but Stacy stops them) STACY: (Tearful) Let her go . . . TIFFANY: There's nothing you can do for her now. SANDI: But *plenty* you can do for us! SCENE SEVEN: Lane house, interior shot of the front door, that afternoon. The doorbell rings and Jane goes to answer it in her just-got-out-of-bed state. The door opens to show Daria. DARIA: Hey Ja - (Suddenly Rex runs past Daria's legs to Jane, jerking Daria forward because he's on a leash. He stands on his hind legs, puts his paws on Jane's shins and wags his tail effusively) JANE: (Sounding sinus-congested) Aah! Attack of the killer puffball! DARIA: (Sighs) Jane, meet Rex, my mother's latest attempt at appearing the good wife by keeping Dad's stress down. I made the mistake of going home first and he kept following me, so I had to bring him. (Jane picks up Rex who then licks her face profusely) JANE: (Jerking her head back) Let me guess: Bobby Bighead taught you to kiss. (Cut to Jane's room. Jane and Daria walk in and sit down on Jane's bed. Rex walks over to a pile of old Waif magazines at the foot of the bed and sniffs them. Jane turns on the TV) (Cut to shot of the TV. On a bus, a little kid is stopping and adult from sitting down next to her) KID: You can't sit there! That's where Rosemary's sitting! SSW ANNOUNCER: Are imaginary friends riding for free? Invisible fare evasion next on Sick Sad World! JANE: (Looking down) My art supplies! (Cut to the floor at the end of the bed. Rex is in the middle of tearing the magazines. Jane kneels down on the floor to salvage what's left of the Waifs) JANE: (Melodramatic) My masterpiece! Ruined! Ruined before it had a chance! (Cut back to Daria. Jane sits back on the bed, her arms piles with the chewed magazines) DARIA: Look at it this way: at least he's got good taste. JANE: (Slowly smiles) Yeah, maybe there's something beneath that puff-of-fluff exterior that we could nurture and manipulate into a truly evil dog. (Pause. Both Daria and Jane look at Rex, then at each other) DARIA: Sounds like a plan. JANE: "My Night At the Gupty's, Part Two", shall we say? SCENE EIGHT: Morgendorffer house, Quinn's room, evening. Quinn is lying on her bed, looking troubled. QUINN: (VO) I'm not shallow and self-obsessed, am I? (Cut to montage of scenes) (At the Jackson Pollack dance, Quinn is talking to Daria and Jane) QUINN: Great! Some friend of yours bites it in a car crash and you take it out on me. My life is over, okay? DARIA: (To Jane) You've done well. (Corey and the other guy returns) COREY: Cool decorations, Quinn. QUINN: Really? GUY: Yeah. You're a really good painter. QUINN: Thanks! Come on, let's dance. (In a Lawndale High hallway. Quinn is talking to a guy and Daria and Jane are nearby) BOY: So, you got any brothers or sisters? QUINN: I'm an only child. (Daria frowns) (Quinn's room. Quinn is looking at herself in the mirror, Daria appears in the doorway) DARIA: Where'd you get that eye-popping polyester number? QUINN: Daria, it's all about knowing where to shop. Wow, you look almost normal. DARIA: No, I'm going to Alternapalooza. QUINN: Aah! DARIA: Don't panic, I'm sure we can loose each other in a crowd of ten thousand. QUINN: I guess. You're not going to Alternapalooza with that top tucked in, are you? (Daria's room. Daria's on the bed with a book in her hands, Quinn's bargaining with her on the price of an essay) QUINN: Ten? DARIA: Twenty. QUINN: Fifteen. DARIA: Done. QUINN: Thanks Daria. This is going to work out for both of us. I mean, I get my essay written and for once you'll have something to do on a Friday night instead of sitting around like a loser, you know? DARIA: (Pissed off) That's it Shakespeare. Do your own damn homework. (In the Morgendorffer kitchen, after the Mother-Daughter Fashion Show. Quinn sits at the table, upset, while Helen stands behind her, consoling) QUINN: All that work. All that preparation. Why? Why me? HELEN: Honey, it was just a little school fund-raiser. You'll have other moments in the sun. QUINN: But none with you, Mom. HELEN: Oh, that's so sweet. QUINN: Nope. None with you. No freaking way. HELEN: (Frowns) Quinn, isn't there anything that would make you feel better? QUINN: (Looks up) Yes! Yes, there is. (Jane's room. Jane's at her easel, Quinn is sitting on her bed) QUINN: I mean, he was really nice and cute and stuff but he was only two inches taller than me, and my entire shoe collection is based on the concept of dating guys three inches taller than me or more. (Looks at Jane's painting) I don't get abstract art. Who wants to look at a bunch of squiggly six-eyed people when you can get those really pretty cat paintings on the shopping network? Not that I would ever waste money on art. (Trent appears at the doorway) TRENT: Hey, Janey. You got any money? QUINN: Money? Are you going out? I wouldn't mind going out for a while. Of course, I don't know if I'd want to go out with someone dressed like that. (Cut back to Quinn's room, present time) QUINN: (VO, sighs) Nope, not at all. (Quinn pulls the Smiley Face cushion over her head, and Daria knocks on the door) DARIA: Quinn? QUINN: (Slightly muffled) Hi Daria, come in. (Daria, surprised at Quinn's friendliness, walks into the room) DARIA: Um, Quinn, this's going to sound ridiculous, but . . . do you have any old toys? QUINN: (Head still under cushion) I've got a whole box of yours under my bed. (Daria walks over, kneels down and slides out the box) DARIA: (Rifling through it) Mom's Christmas presents to me. QUINN: (Slightly muffled laugh) Yeah, she sure knew you inside out, didn't she? (Daria picks out a too-cute baby doll and a Barbie) DARIA: (About to leave the room) Thanks Quinn. (Pause) Are you okay? QUINN: (Shoos Daria away with her hand) Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine, don't worry about me. DARIA: (In the doorway) Okay, but . . . (Mumbles) I'll-be-here-if-you-ever-need-to-talk. (Daria leaves the room quickly. Quinn takes the cushion off her head and rolls over onto her side) QUINN: Thanks Daria. COMMERCIAL BUMPER: Slow motion of Rex tearing up the Waifs. (Cut to commercials) SCENE NINE: Montage of scenes. (Daria's room. Daria is kneeling on the floor, Rex is watching her. Daria waves the doll in front of Rex's face, then hits him on the nose with it. Rex growls and Daria gives him a dog biscuit) (Stacy's room. The Fashion Club is holding a meeting, Sandi is talking but Quinn has her chin on her hand and is staring off into space. Stacy, looking concerned, clicks her fingers in front of her face. Quinn jumps and gets a glare from Sandi) (Lawndale High hallway. Two girls watch as the three Js put up posters that read "Fashion Auction - Support the Fashion Club and Bid for Their Clothes!". They look at each other and shake their heads, obviously not impressed) (Jane's room. Rex is happily gnawing away on a Waif magazine when Jane puts a copy of "Wuthering Heights" down beside him. Rex begins to chew on the corners of that, but Daria reprimands him, and when he goes back to the Waifs she rewards him) (Lawndale High hallway. Quinn is surrounded by the three Js, all fawning over her. Quinn gives them a small smile, thanks them and then walks away. The three Js get into a fight between themselves about who pushed Quinn away) (Daria's room. Daria places the doll on her bed and opens the door. Jane and Rex walk in, and he sniffs around. Rex then jumps up on the bed and attacks the doll. Jane rewards him this time, with a Barbie doll, which Rex takes in his mouth and runs off with) SCENE TEN: Morgendorffer house, dining room, a weekday morning. Rex is on the floor, gnawing on Barbie's already severely chewed leg. Jake is behind his paper and Quinn had her head on her had, lost in her thoughts. Helen is in the kitchen, making coffee. HELEN: (Sitting down with a mug) Quinn, is anything wrong? QUINN: Mom, am I shallow and self-obsessed? (Pause) HELEN: (Hesitant) Well, *I* wouldn't call you that. (Quinn frowns) HELEN: Quinn honey, why don't you ask your father? JAKE: Huh? What? QUINN: Daddy, am I shallow? JAKE: 'Course you are kiddo! You're the shallowest person I know! Nothing deep about you. (Quinn, horrified, jumps up and runs out of the room, pushing past Daria as she goes) HELEN: Jake! What on - have you *any* idea what you've just *done*? (Daria walks over and sits down in her chair) JAKE: I don't get it Helen - isn't everything *back*wards these days? Y'know, if it's bad it's good, shallow it's deep? DARIA: Sorry Dad, but irony never did stay for long in my generation's language. JAKE: Dammit! And I thought I was so close to figuring you girls out! DARIA: I suppose we'll have to remain as Zen questions to you Dad. JAKE: Darn, I didn't even get the answer to those in the 70s! SCENE ELEVEN: Griffin house, Sandi's room, that afternoon. Sandi's talking, Quinn's not listening and the other two are blending into the background. Does anything else ever happen at their meetings in this fic? SANDI: So it's agreed - the Fashion Auction will be held this Saturday. (Spots Quinn not listening) Quinn? (Pause) Quinn! QUINN: (Jumps) Huh? Um, yeah . . . um, cargo pants are the adaptation of the alternative style of wearing actual army - SANDI: *Quinn*, we, like all good fashions, have moved on. STACY: Are you alright Quinn? You don't look too good. SANDI: (Under her breath) Does she ever? (Normally) Stacy's right Quinn. I think you should go home. You obviously have some issues you have to sort out that can't be dealt with in a fashion environment. QUINN: (Standing up) You're right Sandi - SANDI: Of course. QUINN: I should go. (At the doorway) Bye guys. SANDI/STACY/TIFFANY: (Asynchronously) Bye. SCENE TWELVE: Lane house, Jane's room, same afternoon. Daria is sitting on the bed, watching Jane, sitting cross-legged on the floor, nail together the frame of a canvas. She does it with surety) DARIA: Aren't you afraid you're going to hit your thumb? JANE: (Not looking up) Nope. (She hits her thumb) *Ow*! Dammit Daria! DARIA: You hit yourself, I had nothing to do with it. (The doorbell rings downstairs) (Cut to interior shot of the Lane front door. Jane opens the door, Daria behind her. They're both surprised to find Quinn on the doorstep) QUINN: Guys? I need your help. (Cut to astonished faces of Jane and Daria) JANE: Daria, hand me my smelling salts. SCENE THIRTEEN: Lawndale High, a hallway, morning the next day. Head shot of Quinn, talking to someone off screen to the right. QUINN: I swear! I heard it with my own two ears! Sandi - (Cut to shot of a girl who looks like a young Laura San Giacomo from "Just Shoot Me!", in the same position as Quinn) GIRL: - Felt so sorry about Mitch, cause his accident was getting down - (Cut to shot of a redhead with her hair in a bob, in the same position) RED-HEAD: - Grade morale, and making everyone look really, *really* unfashionable, - (Cut to shot of Tori Jericho, in the same position) TORI: - That she decided to donate half the proceeds from - (Cut to shot of Brooke, in the same position) BROOKE: - The Fashion Club's Fashion Auction to SADD to - (Cut to Stacy sitting at a cafeteria table with the rest of the Fashion Club, talking to Sandi) STACY: - Stop this sort of thing from happening again. (Clasping her hands) It's an excellent idea Sandi! It's so . . . noble! I can't get over it! SANDI: (Incredulous) Really? You really think so? TIFFANY: Oh yeah, definitely. I can't believe anyone wouldn't think so, that's sooo wrong. SANDI: (To Quinn) Quinn? What do *you* think? QUINN: No question about it Sandi, it's a brilliant idea. (Pause) The type of idea only a *president* could come up with. SANDI: Well then, I think we should vote on it. All in favour? (The rest of the Fashion Club chorus "aye") SANDI: All opposed? (No one says anything. Sandi taps her diet soda can with her mascara) It's unanimous, the ayes have it. (Cut to shot of another table, where the two girls who were looking at the Fashion Auction posters are. One is counting some money while the other looks on) GIRL ONE: How much do we have? GIRL TWO: A hundred and fifty two. GIRL ONE: That should be enough to buy a scarf. GIRL TWO: I can't wait for Saturday! SCENE FOURTEEN: Morgendorffer house, living room, that afternoon. Helen walks in from the kitchen, picking up crumpled pieces of paper. She reaches the end of the trail - her briefcase, open on the couch, its contents crumpled and strewn about, obviously the work of a dog - and groans. HELEN: That's it! I can't *take* it anymore! DARIA: (Almost at the bottom of the stairs) Mom? HELEN: (Turns to Daria) That dog has *got* to go! It chews anything pink, growls at us constantly, hasn't helped at *all* with your father's stress, and now *this*?! (Throws up the papers she's collected and falls back onto the couch) I'm selling him. SCENE FIFTEEN: Morgendorffer house, living room, Saturday morning. Close up of Tad and Tricia Gupty (from "Pinchsitter") kneeling on the floor, patting Rex, who is obviously enjoying it. Pan up to show Mr and Mrs Gupty sitting on the couch. MRS GUPTY: (Sounding a bit uncertain) Well, they certainly *do* like each other. MR GUPTY: (Trying to joke) Maybe a dog'll settle down our little monsters. (There's a bit of a pause, then Mrs Gupty startles) MRS GUPTY: (A bit half-heartedly) Lester! (Cut to Daria who's sitting on the bottom steps of the stairs, looking a bit like she's going to miss Rex. Tad and Tricia run over with Rex at their heels) TAD: Don't be sad Daria. TRICIA: We know about your work with Rex and we plan to continue it. TAD: Although there's not much more we can do, when we're finished with him, Rex will be the most cynical dog ever! DARIA: (Taps her fingers together in a parody of Mr Burns) Excellent. SCENE SIXTEEN: Lawndale High, auditorium, Saturday afternoon. The seats are full and on stage the Fashion Auction is wrapping up. Daria and Jane stand up the back. JANE: Remind me again why we're here? DARIA: Because masochism is fun. (Cut to the stage. Quinn is holding the microphone. Someone hands her a small piece of paper) QUINN: And the amount of money raised was . . . (checks paper) one thousand eight hundred and fifty two dollars! Nine hundred and twenty six of which goes to SADD. (A cheer erupts in the auditorium. Sandi appears on stage and takes the mike from Quinn) SANDI: This is truly a great day for fashion at Lawndale High! I am proud to have pioneered this event. Thank you to everyone who bid today, even *your* contribution helped. (Cut back to Daria and Jane. Jane is making gagging noises, Daria gives her a look and raises an eyebrow) JANE: Sorry Daria, but masochism can only go so far. DARIA: (Sighs) I agree. Out. (Cut to outside the auditorium. Daria and Jane come through the doors and begin to walk) JANE: So exactly why *did* you drag me along to this pageant of superficiality? DARIA: I had to see if Quinn would actually do it. JANE: Do what? DARIA: Something selfless. JANE: I guess she proved you right then? DARIA: No kidding. Hell, she even let *Sandi* take all the credit. I don't think even *I* could do that. JANE: Of course you could, Daria. But where would be the fun in *that*? SCENE SEVENTEEN: The Gupty house, their living room, night. Tad and Tricia are sitting in front of the TV, Rex beside them. The Sick Sad World theme is playing. Mr and Mrs Gupty walk into the room. MRS GUPTY: Tad! Tricia! MR GUPTY: Turn that thing off! (Rex looks at them and growls audibly. Mr and Mrs Gupty take a step backward, and Tad and Tricia smile) CUT TO ALTER EGOS AND GREDITS "Dogs Are The Best People" The Fauves ('Nother Aussie band) [Sorry, I couldn't find the lyrics. This band isn't really well known outside Triple J (radio station) and I can't find the cd] NOTES: I know, I know. FLT is a lot like Austin Covello's "Otherwise Known As Quinn The Great". I have no explanation for this other than "Great minds think alike". Austin seemed to buy it so you should too. I hope you like my first truly non-shipper fic. It was a lot of fun writing it, especially the Quinn-Sandi dialogues. Giving every line a double meaning was tricky, but I enjoyed it. I tried to make Quinn's "revelation" believable, so tell me if you think it was. I always thought, along with a lot of other people, that Quinn was smarter than she let on, and, although nobody's ever been able to prove conclusively whether or not what she said to Daria and Jane in "Monster" was true or not, I think it was. So why did it hit home now? I guess many people have called Quinn many things over her years, but when that girl called her shallow, it was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I think if anything, Quinn would hate to be called shallow the most. Now, onto my subplot. Did you like Rex, or think the whole idea was too contrived? I needed padding for the story and I liked the idea of Daria twisting the mind of a cute'n'fluffy animal. Did you know the word 'cynical' comes from the Greek word 'kynikos' which means 'doglike'? Well, that's just about all from me. If you want to know anymore, just email me. *Cerberus, Fenris-wolf and Garm are the guardian of the Greek underworld, the largest wolf in Nordic mythology and the guardian of the Nordic underworld respectively.