"FLUNKED" by Trent2 (deprater@thegrid.net) SCENE ONE: Classroom MR. O'NEILL: Now, class. This test is the one that will decide what college you might go to. You might think that it's your SAT but it's not. It's a new test that the government makes you take. It's called the PQRSAT. JANE: I heard about this on "Sick Sad World". It's part of a code. The P is S. The Q is T. The R is U. The S is P. The A is I. And, the T is D. It's really called the stupid test. DARIA: Oh. Maybe Kevin and Brittany will actually pass a test. JANE: Oh yeah. QUINN: I'm goin' out with Joey and Jeffy tonight and Jamie tomorrow night. STACEY: You're so amazing Quinn. QUINN: I know. I'm so smart also. (Mr. O'Neill passes out test) DARIA: This test looks pretty easy. JANE: I know. Hey, what'd you get for question 19? DARIA: Macho Man Randy Savage. JANE: No seriously. DARIA: I am serious. JANE: You're kidding me? DARIA: No. JANE: Oh brother. You've lost you're touch. DARIA: Well, the question is what advertiser of a crispy meat stick product used to be a wrestler in the WWF but now he moved to WCW? JANE: Yeah. DARIA: Yeah. JANE: Macho Man Randy Savage advertises Slim Jim. Hulk Hogan advertises crispy meat stick product. DARIA: I'm sticking with my answer. JANE: Fine. SCENE TWO: Morgendorfer Dining Room MOM: Daria, we got a letter from your teacher today. He said that you flunked your PQRSAT test and if you don't pass your next test, you'll get an F for the semester and we don't want that to happen now do we. DARIA: You mean I passed the stupid test? MOM: Excuse me? DARIA: The stupid test. MOM: No. The PQRSAT test. DARIA: I know. The P is S. The Q is T. The R is U. The S is P. The A is I. The T is D. DAD: Where'd you here that? DARIA: "Sick Sad World". MOM: Figures. QUINN: Cuckoo, cuckoo. DARIA: Shut up. MOM: I'm worried. I think we should get you a tutor. DARIA: I am a tutor. MOM: Oh yeah. I mean, a tutor for you. DARIA: I'm the only tutor in the state. MOM: Oh shoot. SCENE THREE: Classroom MOM: So what do you think we should do about Daria, Mr. O'Neill? MR. O'NEILL: Well, I know someone that really needs a job. MOM: Oh. Who? MR. O'NEILL: Well. You might know him. MOM: Him? MR. O'NEILL: Yes. Me. MOM: Oh boy. MR. O'NEILL: Yes. Me. MOM: Okay. DARIA: What do you mean okay? MOM: Okay. DARIA: Fine. QUINN: Ha ha! MOM: Could you tutor Quinn also? MR. O'NEILL: Sure. QUINN: What!?! That's not fair. MOM: Yes it is. MR. O'NEILL: Great. (Daria smiles) SCENE FOUR: Morgendorfer Living Room DAD: Can you pass the salt? MOM: No. DAD: Oh. MOM: Daria and Quinn, did you fire that tutor? DARIA: Yes. QUINN: Yes. MOM: Why? DAD: Pass the salt please. DARIA: Because we hate him. QUINN: Yeah. And he drives a pinto. MOM: So. DARIA: Whatever. I got my report card today. MOM: Oh boy. What was your grade? DARIA: A+. MOM: Really? DARIA: Yes. QUINN: I got a D-. DARIA: Wow. You're a sick sad freak. MOM: Let me guess. The tutor tought you everything you needed to know before you fired him. Right? DARIA: No. It was a stupid test. I was just acting stupid. I might even go to UUSLC. MOM: What's that? DARIA: University of Utah Salt Lake City. DAD: 10,000,000 dollars! MOM: No!