Fangs for the memories


Scene 1: We are in a seedy bar. The view pans past a few random faces until settling on a tall slender redhead. She is packing instruments while her green eyes watch three men at a corner table with a bemused expression. Two of the men at the table seem deeply involved in an animated conversation while the jukebox plays in the background. True Daria fans will recognize one of the men. The other man looks to be in his early twenties with longish blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes. He answers to the name Vayne. The third man, Richter seems to be contemplating smashing his beer bottle and slicing his wrist to escape the conversation. He is the very epitome of tall dark and handsome with his wavy brown hair and warm brown eyes.

Stan: So I say to Alice. “Snakes man, you gotta go with snakes.”

Vayne: You told Alice Cooper to use snakes during his concerts?

Stan: No man, I told him to get a pet snake, it’d drive chicks nuts.

Vayne: Wow you advised Alice on chicks and snakes too cool.

Richter: (thoroughly disgusted now) of course he didn’t. He probably doesn’t even know Alice Cooper, you nitwit!

Stan: you weren’t there man, I was there, I was there.

Vayne: yeah Stan was there man. (To Stan) Now what where you saying about Sid?

Richter: (shakes his head amazed at the conversation and gets up and walks to the stage) Are we about ready to roll Thea? I wanna make it to Lawndale before dawn.

Thea: Ahh morning in the ‘burbs! (bt) Not that we’ll be awake to see it of course.

Richter: We’re gonna have to drive carefully until we are well outta town. I hear the local cops are sticklers for traffic laws. We wouldn’t want to be stuck in a jail cell till after sunrise.

Thea: No that wouldn’t do at all. (Looking at Vayne and Stan) If you plan on dinner before we leave you better help Vayne get him outside.

Richter: Now why would I want some ageing punk rocker wannabe? Groupies nice firm delicious groupies that’s the ticket.

Thea: (gestures around) In case you haven’t noticed we don’t have any groupies, and if we did they would be home and in bed by now. Last call was twenty minutes ago. As I see it you got three options: starve, have a drink from my private collection, or help get Stan outside.

Richter: I would almost rather starve (bt) almost. (Turns to Vayne and Stan) Hey why don’t you hang with us and relive your glory days. Come on out to the ‘bago for a while.

Stan: Cool man, cool. You wouldn’t happen to be carrying anything in the way of sustenance in that traveling abode would you?

Richter: Oh we’ll be eating just as soon as we get through the door. (A smirk passes between him and Vayne)

Stan: (totally oblivious) Cool man, cool.


Scene 2: A Winnebago traveling down a dark and deserted highway. Richter is driving, Thea is riding shotgun, and Vayne is lounging in the back listening to music. The Winnebago has a very posh interior, and is customized with blackout blinds on all windows, including the skylight. Thea and Richter are in the middle of what seems to be a very old debate.

Richter: He’ll wake up in a few hours, a little weak, a lot confused, and a few hundred dollars richer. A very well compensated donor.

Thea: Donor implies donation, as in to knowingly and willingly give. Not to wake up a pint low, and none the wiser.

Richter: As apposed to being seduced, and then waking up with a grin, a pint low, and none the wiser. Admit it we both take what we need, and in return we give something back, period.

Thea: Your comparing apple to oranges here.

Richter: Forbidden fruit to blood oranges, as it were, right?

Thea: Touche.

Vayne: (Suddenly leaning in between the two of them) Don’t you ever get tired of this same old argument?

Richter and Thea: (together) No!!!

Vayne: Right then, carry on, my mistake.

(Vayne returns to his music. Thea and Richter share a smirk.)

Scene 3: Next evening, Morgandorffer house, and Daria’s room. Daria and Tom are watching SSW.

TV: Are Vampire brain sucking Psychiatrist hypnotizing you and stealing your memories? Fangs for the memories, on the next Sick Sad World.

Daria: Why can’t I find a good brain-sucking psychiatrist when I want one? He could take all the memories of Quinn and the fashion brigade. No to mention a few other choice tidbits. (Voiceover, we hear Beavis and Butthead: Diarrhea cha cha cha! Daria suddenly does a full body shiver.) Oh wait, I remember, they don’t exist.

Tom: Aw come on Daria, don’t tell me you’re a complete skeptic.

Daria: Skeptic am I. I mean I try to keep an open mind.

Tom: Everybody needs their minds opened now and again.

Daria: Well maybe I can still get that lobotomy to think like Quinn.

Tom: (Does full body shiver) Don’t scare me like that, Daria. I just mean, there are so many things out there that we don’t know or understand. Don’t you believe in anything supernatural?

Daria: I believe there are possibilities out there, and if you tell anyone I said that you will regret it till your quick and untimely death. I mean; Quinn admitted publicly we are sisters, you and I are dating, and Jane forgave us. Weird things happen, but I’m not willing to call it supernatural cause all things exist within nature so supernatural is an oxymoron.

Quinn: (enters room and interrupts) You are so right Daria.

Daria: Ok maybe I’m wrong cause that’s just weird.

Quinn: Dar-I-a! You just can’t look super and go natural. I mean, the natural look is in. The trick is to use make-up to look natural and super. Sandi doesn’t think so. I was just talking to her and she said (imitating Sandi) “Gee Quinn some people are just naturally beautiful and don’t need make-up.” So I ask her why she carts around all that make-up in her purse then and she said “ Part of the fashion clubs many responsibilities is to help victims of bad make-up.”

Tom: (aside to Daria) Where did they hide her off button?

Daria: I’ve tried to find it for years.

Quinn: (continuing) Not that I can’t look totally natural and still be super.

Tom: Super? (Perking up and giving a evil smirk) Where do you hide your cape and tights?

Quinn: (horrified) Eww tights!?!? Why do I even bother?

(A doorbell is heard from below)

Jake: (off screen) Quinn your dates here.

(With one more disgusted look over her shoulder Quinn leaves)

Tom: See proof.

Daria: Proof? Proof of what?

Tom: That Quinn really does have that guardian angel she was driving you nuts with a while back.

Daria: Huh?

Tom: One more minute and I’d have killed her.


Scene 4: Parking lot out side of the Zen.

Quinn: (Eyes the neighborhood and the club with distaste) We’re not going in there, are we?

Timmy: I want to hear the band that is playing tonight. They’re supposed to be better then the normal drivel that plays here. I could just take you for a ride if you would rather. (Grins wolfishly and eyes Quinn up and down.)

Quinn: No-no that’s ok, we can go in. (Plasters on a fake smile) (Vo) As long as no one ever finds out.

(Timmy climbs out and walks towards the club. A moment later with a growl of disgust at his lack of manners Quinn gets out and follows.)

Timmy: (Over his shoulder) Hurry it up. They finally got someone to play in this dive that’s not some grungy garage band Nirvana wannabe.

Quinn: (To herself, as they enter the club) I’m just glad Daria stayed home tonight. I know this is where her and her loser art friend hangout. They’d never let me live this down.

(As if on cue, Jane walks around the corner, smirks at Quinn’s receding back, and heads for the pay phone.)

(Daria’s house, the kitchen, Daria and Tom are foraging for snacks when the phone rings. As Daria answers the phone we go to split screen-showing Jane on the other end.)

Daria: Hello.

Jane: Hola me amiga. Your never gonna guess who just walk in to the Zen with Timmy Sherman.

Daria: (Concerned) Jane you haven’t been eating out of your refrigerator again have you? Tommy Sherman’s dead remember!

Jane: Not Tommy, Timmy, his younger brother. They look exactly alike.

Daria: Let me guess, same great wrapper 50% less jerk.

Jane: 50% more actually he was the baby of the family. And speaking of younger siblings, guess who he’s here with?

Daria: We’ll be right there. (She hangs up.)

Jane: Don’t forget a camera. (Hears dial-tone.) Damn, I never have a camera to record the humiliation.

(Split screen closes leaving us with Daria.)

Daria: Ok you win there are super-natural things out there.

Tom: What makes you say that?

Daria: Quinn’s possessed.


Scene 5: Zen a few minutes later.  Nirvana is playing loudly in the background.  Jane, Trent, and Jesse are sitting at a table watching Quinn, amusement evident on their faces.

Jane: Ten bucks says she slaps him before the band starts.

Trent: Twenty says she pours a pitcher on his head before Tom and Daria get here.

(They watch together for a few moments, then suddenly her face lights up, and she pokes Trent in the chest.)

Jane: Pay up brother o’ mine there’s Daria now.

(Trent shows her his empty pockets.)

Trent: Chauffer duty for a week?

Jane: You do that anyway.

Trent: I’ll do the dishes?

Jane: There’s no food at home to eat to dirty the dishes.

Trent: Then what?

Jane: (Smirks) No band practice for a week.

Trent: Three days.

Jane: Five.

Trent: Four.

Jane: Done. (Bt) We hang out with Daria’s family way too much.

Daria: Oh darn and I was going to ask you two to the Morgandorffer family fun day.

(Jane looks scared and Trent looks interested.) Just kidding, I’d have to be dating you or really hate you to subject you to that. (Jane grins and Tom looks scared.)

(Cut to Quinn and Timmy at a table across the bar.)

Timmy: Might as well have a drink no one will notice or care in a dive like this.

Quinn: Tim-my, alcohol is a fashion club don’t. Its bad for the body, and even a lite beer has far to many calories, just get me a diet soda with three ice-cubes.

Timmy: Sure babe I’ll get it, but don’t you think you should fix your smudged lipstick.

Quinn: (Panicking) Smudge, ohmygodI’llberightback. (Darts in to the restroom.) Timmy: (Grinning and eyeing other girls.) Take your time.

Quinn: (Os) ewwwwww!!!

(He gets Quinn’s soda and returns to the table. He looks around to see if he’s being watched. Satisfied, he takes a small packet from his pocket, rips it open, and dumps it in Quinn’s drink. He stirs it with the straw and sits it on the table just as Quinn comes out of the restroom, make-up once again pristine.)

Quinn: That restroom was disgusting. Can we just go now?

Timmy: Sure, just drink your diet soda and we’ll leave if you really want to.

Quinn: (Drinks the soda straight down.) Anything to get out of this dump.

(They get up and move across the crowded room towards the exit. Almost immediately she begins to feel the effects of the drug, though they are mild at first.)

Daria: (Stopping them as they pass) Hey Quinn how goes your first visit to the Zen?

Quinn: (A little giddy now giggling.) It goes and I goes and Timmy goes. (From Quinn’s POV we see Daria looking concerned, suddenly, we see two of her.) God Daria, no wonder they call you four eyes. (The two Daria’s now look hurt as Quinn continues.) Timmy this is my sis- I mean my cousin, Daria’s type of place. Lets just go before any other losers see me here.

(After hearing Quinn, Daria’s hurt look reverts to a stoic blankness. Quinn and Timmy continue towards the exit. As they near the door we see Vayne in the far background watching, his head tilted as if listening.)

Quinn: Timmy, I don’t feel so well I need to lie down can you take me home?

Timmy: (Grins at her.) I’ll take you some where you can lie down.

(As they walk out the door, Vayne picks up Quinn’s empty glass his nostrils flare, as he examined it. He pulls out a cell-phone, dials a number and briefly speaks before heading out the door.)

(We see Richter speaking to the bar tender and the bar tender pointing towards Trent and Jesse.)

Daria: (Quietly to Jane, a little sad) I thought we were past that cousin crap. (Bitterly) I guess I was wrong.

Richter: (To Trent and Jesse) Hello I’m Richter your drummer for the evening. The manager mentioned that you are part of the usual act. Due to circumstances beyond my control we find ourselves without a guitarist for the evening. Would the two of you care to fill in? You would of course be compensated.

Trent and Jesse: (At the same time) Sure. Cool.

(Trent and Jesse get up and follow Richter.)


Scene 6: Twenty minutes later Timmy’s car pulls onto a dark road in the woods on the way to the mall. Quinn is unconscious in the seat beside him. He pulls along side of a gray sedan that has its trunk opened, shuts off the car and climbs out. We see a shadowy figure standing along the trees, watching and waiting, as Timmy carries Quinn and places her in the trunk of the sedan. The figure tosses down a thick envelope, and as Timmy retrieves it the sedan drives off.

Timmy: (To himself as he thumbs through the large wad of cash in the envelope) Easiest money I’ve ever made. Its too bad the boss wanted that little bimbo to be pure. She could have been fun; especially once the drugs shut her up.

(As he walks towards his car, a large black fox walked out of the brush and up to Timmy. Its shiny black coat carried a hint of green and the color at the very tip of its bushy tail was an unmistakable and rather lovely shade of emerald. As it advanced on Timmy, the foxes green eyes gleamed in the darkness.)

Timmy: Whoa, where’d you come from?

(The fox growls menacingly at Timmy.)

Vayne: (Out of the darkness) Yeah that’s him all right.

Timmy: (Now royally freaked) What the hell is going on around here?

(The fox suddenly becomes blurry and shadows dance around in a fluid motion. A young man in a dark greenish overcoat is now crouched down where the fox once stood. This is all Timmy can take, and as Vayne steps out from behind a tree, Timmy passes out.) Vayne: Nice nomad.

Nomad: Did you take care of the girl?

Vayne: Yeah I called in a favor. (Holds up his phone.) Every cop in three counties is now hunting that car and they all know where it was coming from and what’s in the trunk. Well this was good for a laugh, but now what?

(Nomad pulls a multicolor pack of sharpies out from the depths of his coat and smiles wolfishly)

Nomad: Now we get to have even MORE fun.


Scene 7: Tom’s car, on the way to Daria’s house, Tom is driving.

Tom: I can’t believe how good the band was even with Trent and Jesse.

Daria: Just wait till I tell Jane you insulted her brother’s musical talents.

Tom: I meant because they hadn’t played together before. Usually when you bring together two different bands with different styles it goes to hell, but they were really good together.

Daria: You’re right they were good. Interesting name for a band, maybe they can help Trent finally come up with a new name for the spiral.

Tom: Maybe they can, I heard Trent invite them to park their Winnebago at casa Lane while they’re in town.

Daria: I noticed Jane was eyeing Richter while they were playing. I guess she likes that sort of look on a guy. (She looks sideways at Tom smiling a little.)

Tom: (Pulling up in front of Daria’s house) Yeah she does seem to go for that type. (Turning to her a smile on his face) So do you. I guess I’ll have to make sure I keep on my best behavior. (Kisses her.)

Daria: (After the kiss) Keep up behavior like that and I’ll have to go looking for someone else cause my dad will have you shot. (She smirks at him.) Speaking of which there seems to be a lot of lights on. If that clock is right I shouldn’t be late yet.

Tom: Oops, it might be off. Sometimes when I turn off the car the clock time stops.

Daria: I better go I don’t wanna end up in family court again. I can’t win and I always end up with a fool for a client cause mom insists on working for the prosecution and leaves me lawyerless

Tom: Want me to walk you in?

Daria: Are you kidding, and give them another witness? That’s ok, night. (She kisses him again and gets out of the car.)

(She walks up to the door and lets herself in. As she walks in she is besieged on both sides by her parents hugging her and talking at once.)

Helen: Sweetie, thank goodness your ok.

Jake: Daria, your alive!

Daria: (Overwhelmed by the sudden physical contact and thrown by what’s being said.) GAH!!! What’s going on? Why wouldn’t I be ok I was with Tom at the Zen I left a note. (She catches sight of a clock.) And I’m not past curfew, so what the hell is wrong?

Helen: (Calming down.) Your sister was drugged and apparently kidnapped this evening. Thanks to an anonymous tip the cops found her and took her to the hospital. They ran some tests and she started to wake up. She seemed ok just groggy so they let us bring her home. Luckily she hadn’t been assaulted before the cops found her, thank God.

Daria: (Stands frozen for a moment letting her mother’s words sink in, then suddenly her emotions erupt, loudly) WHAT? I’LL KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH! HE’S GONNA WISH HE WAS NEVER BORN WHEN I GET DONE WITH HIM!

(She storms around the living room in a rage. Helen and Jake look at her more in shock about this than anything else that has happened)

Helen: Kill who Daria?

Daria: Timmy Sherman! Wasn’t he who had Quinn? That’s who she left the Zen with tonight.

Helen: The police don’t know who had Quinn. The incompetents claim they can’t remember pulling the car over just opening the trunk and finding Quinn.

Daria: (Remembering how Quinn acted earlier.) Oh god, its all my fault. I knew Quinn was acting weird, but when she insulted me I played it off as her acting like a ditz for his benefit.

Helen: (Pulling Daria to her and hugging her) It’ll be ok sweetie. You couldn’t have known.

Daria: But I could have, and worse yet I should have. Quinn will never forgive me.

Jake: (With deadly calm, truly angry now, not the generic rage he spews about his father.) You won’t have to kill him Daria, if I find him he’ll never ever do something like this again.

Helen: (Angry but somewhat calmer than Daria and Jake) We find that bastard Timmy Sherman, and I will personally see him rot in jail and sue him for every cent he has. He won’t even have the shirt on his back when I finish with him.

Daria: (No longer yelling but evidently angry) Are the cops looking for that slime?

Helen: Yes, while Quinn was half conscious she told the police who she was with.

Jake: For his sake, he better hope the cops find him before me.

Daria: I’m going to bed it’s late.

Helen: Of course sweetie.

Jake: (Pacing and now mumbling stops for a moment, faux cheerful) G’night kiddo.

(Daria heads upstairs she puts her hand on her door then turns and heads to Quinn’s room. Quinn is sleeping soundly and Daria sits down in Quinn’s rocking chair watching over her.

Daria: (Angry and determined.) I swear Quinn that jerk will pay and everyone will know what kind of loser he is. (Daria sits back watching her sister sleep)


Scene 8: Early morning, along the side of the wooded road we see Timmy. He is lying in the ditch along the road. The only thing covering him are some leaves that have been blown by the wind to land in a strategic position to keeping this scene PG-13. Timmy’s car is nowhere to be seen. As he stirs we see he has several things written on him. The main focus of the art is a confession on his chest that proclaims “I like to drug innocent girls.” Another has an arrow pointing to his nether regions and reads “Inadequacy issues see here. “ There are other more colorful epitaphs on him but again for rating quality you can use your own imagination. As he starts to wake up Timmy shifts a bit and a leave or two blows away. We should note that it takes an extraordinarily small amount of leaves to cover him. A dog comes along, sniffs at him and as we fade out we here the sound of liquid splashing on skin.

Timmy: (Off screen.) Huh? wha? Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

The End... for now.




1.    I want to thank my beta reader NomadX and my mom who played stenographer on this story. 

2.    I’d also like to thank NomadX for the great art work and the scene ideas. 

3.    I don’t own Daria or any of the music played here, if I did she would still be on the air, and I’d be rich.  Since I am too poor to even pay attention legal action would be a waste of corporate time and energy. 

4.    There is more to come with this tale. The band is going to stick around Lawndale for awhile and hopefully they will eventually answer some of the questions raised by this story.

5.    I linked several pieces of music to this story and anyone with a player capable of .ram and .rm music, such as the new RealOne player, should be able to listen to the ‘soundtrack’ as you read by clicking the links.  The music used includes ‘Friends in Low Places” Garth Brooks, ‘But then I got High’ Afroman, ‘Smells Like Teenspirit’ Nirvana, ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper’ Blue Oyster Cult, and ‘Highway to Hell’ AC~DC.

6.    I also linked to Mike Yamiolkoski’s New and Wonderful Daria Online Character Database for the lesser know characters.