Escape From Lawndale
A Daria Fan Fiction by the Alchemist
Episode #509
DISCLAIMER – Daria and cast are wholly owned by MTV. I am merely borrowing them for the duration of this work. I try and have them back on time, but I make mistakes sometimes. What? You thought that it was MTV’s fault that they cancel Daria showings at the last minute?
Sitting back in the car, Tom smiles as he looks over at an uncertain Daria.
Tom : You’ve never done this before, have you?
Daria looks over at Tom nervously, hesitating for a moment.
Daria : Um, no. I haven’t.
Tom : Hey, relax. There’s nothing to be nervous about …
Daria : Yeah, I know.
Looking at Daria reassuringly, Tom smiles.
Tom : Here, I’ll show you.
Taking Daria’s hand, he gently guides it on its way.
Tom : Just like that. One smooth motion.
Daria : Like this?
Tom : Yeah, that’s good. Now that’s not bad, is it?
Daria : I guess not …
Abruptly, a loud grinding sound is heard, startling both Daria and Tom. Tom looks down for a moment, then back up at Daria.
Tom : The clutch! Push in the clutch!
Daria : Ack!
Just as suddenly as the noise started, it disappeared. Steering the car to the side of the road, she puts it into neutral, looking over at Tom.
Daria : How do you ever get used to this?
Tom : How do you get used to anything? Practice, practice, practice…
Daria : You’re saying that your dad lets you practice on his brand new convertible?
Tom : There are a lot cheaper cars with a standard transmission. Jim used to have one, in fact.
Daria : Used to?
Tom : He, um, had to get rid of it after the passenger side floor fell off on the highway.
Daria : (smirking) Um, pardon me for asking, but if you all attend that fancy private school of yours, why do you drive such … interesting vehicles?
Tom : Well, Jim’s mother doesn’t think that a high school student should have a car. A big deal about how it’s too dangerous or something. So Jim went behind her back and picked up a used car.
Daria : I’ll bet that went over real well with his parents.
Tom : His mother was … displeased. His father rather liked the idea.
Daria : Really?
Tom : Yep. Not only was his son showing some initiative, but it was also safer than driving around in my heap all the time.
Daria looks up at Tom inquisitively.
Daria : Should I ask why YOUR parents let you drive around …
Tom : No.
Surprised, Daria cocks her head at Tom, studying him for a second.
Daria : Um, Ok…
Tom : (changing the subject) So, are you ready for your next lesson?
Daria : Do I get a choice?
Tom : We could stay here until we starve. Or until the police arrive…
Daria : Fine, fine.
Sighing, Daria depresses the clutch, shifting clumsily back into first gear.
Daria : May fortune favor the foolish…
Daria lets out the clutch as the car jerks to a start. As the engine races as she tries to shift into second gear, she shoots Tom a sideways glance.
Daria : I don’t think I’ll get the hang of this. It’s impossible!
Tom : So? (teasing) I’ve done as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
Daria scowls as she continues her ‘lesson’, shifting carefully into third gear as they head off down the road.
Morgendorffer Residence, living room. Daria opens the front door, entering with a look of frustration on her face as the door shuts behind her.
Daria : (thought VO) Hopefully I didn’t do any permanent damage to Mr. Sloane’s car…
Helen : (VO) Daria? Is that you?
Daria looks towards the kitchen, with an expression of ‘here we go again’. Steeling herself for the inevitable, she reluctantly replies.
Daria : Yes mother?
Helen walks in from the kitchen, looking flustered and overworked. Focusing in on Daria, she heads over, stopping just next to her.
Helen : Daria? How do I program the VCR? We have this weekend retreat, but your father doesn’t want to miss the playoffs…
Daria : Let’s see … First, you usually spend half an hour searching for the remote, which is probably stuck in the cushions in the couch. Then, you stare at the remote, pressing random buttons and complaining about why no one can make a decent VCR that doesn’t require a PhD to program the damn thing. By then, either Dad or Quinn need something done, so you offer me a twenty to do it for you.
Sighing, Helen looks at Daria in exasperation.
Helen : Ok Daria, how SHOULD I program the VCR.
Daria : (smirking) Oh, THAT’S what you meant. Here, I’ll show you.
Daria walks over to the couch, searching momentarily before returning with the VCR remote. Holding it so that Helen can see, she hits the ‘prog’ button, selects a channel, time, and speed with the arrows on the remote, pressing ‘prog’ once again at the end to finalize the recording.
Daria : There you go. Just turn it off before you leave.
Helen turns slowly to look at Daria, displeasure in her eyes.
Helen : Do you mean that you’ve been charging twenty dollars for thirty seconds worth of work?
Daria : Ten.
Helen : What?
Daria : Ten seconds worth of work.
Helen looks at Daria in frustration.
Helen : And what exactly does that make you?
Daria : A shrewd businesswoman?
Helen : (warning tone) Daria … You realize that I have to punish you for this, don’t you?
Daria : Sorry mom. Dad granted an amnesty last weekend. While you were at that emergency hearing trying for injunctive relief in the Compton case?
Helen : (suspicious) And what were the terms of this amnesty?
Daria : I was granted complete immunity to prosecution for all events and infractions committed up to and including last weekend.
Helen : And what did Jake get in return?
Daria : All of my railroads, plus free passes on my properties for three rounds of the board.
Helen closes her eyes for a moment, shaking her head. Opening them slowly, she looks down at Daria.
Helen : You can’t honestly expect me to honor an agreement that Jake allegedly made while losing at Monopoly, can you?
Looking at Helen, Daria shrugs and heads up the stairs. Watching her, Helen leans against the wall with a growing sense of dread.
Helen : (to herself) Hopefully Jake wasn’t stupid enough to let her get it on tape. Again. (looking towards the front door) I really need this vacation…
As Helen stares blankly, Daria emerges at the top of the stairs holding a sheet of paper. Coming down the stairs, she looks at Helen, a smirk on her face.
Daria : I figured that you wouldn’t believe me, so I had him put it in writing.
Holding the paper by the corner, Daria lifts it for Helen to read.
HM : (reading the paper aloud) I, Jake Morgendorffer, being of sound mind, do hereby declare a general amnesty for one Daria Morgendorffer, in exchange for conditions already granted. The aforementioned amnesty shall entitle Ms. Morgendorffer to complete immunity from any and all prosecution for events and infractions committed prior to ...
Shaking her head, Helen looks down at the bottom of the page, picking out Jake's signature.
Jake Morgendorffer
Looking up from the paper, Helen regards Daria with a wry grin.
Helen : You realize that this has no date mentioned, and I know for a fact that both you and Quinn are more than capable of forging Jake’s signature. I’m afraid that there’s no way for me to be sure that this is a valid contract. You understand, don’t you?
Daria looks at Helen again, still smirking, making Helen wary. Handing the paper to Helen, Daria releases the corner she had been holding.
Daria : Oh, I understand. That’s why I had it notarized and witnessed.
Helen looks down at the paper for a moment, examining the seal in the corner. Giving up, she hands the paper back to Daria and yells up the stairs.
Helen : Jake? What have I told you about putting things in writing? And a Notary? Have you lost your mind?
As Helen heads up the stairs, a small smile forms on Daria’s face as she turns on the TV.
****
Inside Chez Pierre, a waiter is filling Quinn’s water glass as her date looks across the table at her affectionately.
Guy : What a beautiful restaurant for a beautiful lady. Doesn’t this just make the perfect end to a perfect night?
Looking up from her plate, Quinn’s carefully composed face does an admirable job of hiding her growing displeasure with the evening.
Quinn : (thought VO) Perfect night? You took me to see ‘Dude, Where’s My Car’ and spilled popcorn on me! (out loud) Chez Pierre is ALWAYS nice Roger, that’s why people take me here.
A twinkle in his eye, Roger engages Quinn, lowering his voice in a suave, sophisticated manner.
Roger : About that Quinn, what would you think about not letting other people take you here?
Quinn : (thought VO) And then I’ll wear cargo pants, give up makeup, and shave my head. (out loud) I’ve told you Roger that it just wouldn’t be FAIR to the REST of the school to deprive them of my beauty.
Roger : But they could still LOOK at you Quinn, they just couldn’t DATE you.
Quinn : As president of the fashion club, my popularity would suffer terribly if I were to restrict myself to any one date…
Roger : But absence makes the heart grow fonder, N’est-ce pas?
Quinn sighs, her growing frustration with Roger’s aggressive but clueless tactics beginning to show on her face.
Quinn : (thought VO) How can someone be so smart, yet so dumb? Only one card left to play. (out loud) I’m sorry Roger, I’m just not ready for that sort of commitment.
Roger looks across the table, disappointed.
Roger : Just promise me that you’ll remember me when you are ready…
Quinn : Don’t worry, I couldn’t possibly forget YOU Roger. (thought VO) No matter how hard I try.
Entering her house quietly, Quinn carefully closes the door, trying not to wake Jake or Helen. Taking off her shoes, she holds them in one hand, walking gingerly up the stairs. Expertly avoiding any tell-tale creak, Quinn reaches the hallway upstairs, moving past Daria’s room when she hears Daria laugh softly. Intrigued, she slides in next to Daria’s slightly ajar door, listening covertly to the music leaking out.
The only way to win is cheat,
And lay it down before I'm beat,
And to another give my seat,
For that's the only painless feat.
That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.
Quinn’s eyes go wide with concern as she slowly retreats to her room.
****
Working late into the night, Jane sits on her bed, half-heartedly carving a small wooden figure with an exacto knife. On an impulse, she flicks the knife across the room, where it embeds itself in the bulls-eye of a propped-up dartboard leaning against the wall.
Trent : (VO) Whoa!
Jane looks over to Trent, who is standing in the doorway, staring in amazement at the dartboard.
Jane : Were you planning to enter, O Brother of Mine?
Trent : Um, yeah.
Entering the room slowly, Trent looks around, eventually settling back on the dartboard.
Jane : It’s still got four walls Trent. I’m working on adding that fifth one.
Trent : Cool …
Jane : Then Daria and I will be installing a medieval torture rack for our own personal amusement. We will, of course, rent it out to Ms. Li for an extra monthly income…
Trent : Cool…
Jane : Once that’s done, I’m off to New York City with my ‘special friend’ Kathy on her Harley, off to work the streets until we have enough money to buy our way into the mob as a hit squad.
Trent : Cool …
Jane looks at Trent in concern, as he continues to stare to the dartboard.
Jane : (shouting) TRENT!
Startled, Trent looks back at Jane with a speed born of reflex.
Trent : What?
Jane : Do you want to know something? (gesturing at the dartboard) About that?
Trent : Um, Ok …
Jane : (pointing at the wall) I was aiming up there…
As Trent follows Jane’s outstretched arm, he notices a sketch of Jane sitting in Mr. DeMartino’s class, a bulls-eye inlaid into her chest.
Trent : Hmmm …
Jane : Trent? Did you want to tell me something?
****
The next morning, Daria and Jane are heading towards their lockers when their normal routine is interrupted by an all too familiar voice.
Kevin : (VO) Daria!
Stepping to the side of the hallway to avoid being run over by the incoming crowd, Daria glances over her shoulder at the approaching Kevin and Brittany.
Kevin : Hey Daria?
Daria : (sardonically) And a most pleasant morn to you, good sir.
Kevin : Huh?
Looking at Kevin’s confused expression, Jane can’t help but smile a little.
Jane : Daria says good morning.
Kevin : Oh. Cool.
Jane : (turning to Daria) Kevin says thanks.
Daria : (smirking) Prithee, do tell that for which thou hast delayed my jaunt.
Snickering, Jane looks over to Kevin.
Jane : Daria wants to know what you want.
Kevin : But she’s like, all weird. More than usual I mean.
Jane : Kevin thinks you’re talking strangely.
Daria turns to Jane, speaking in a subdued tone.
Daria : When did you learn to speak idiot?
Jane : Shortly after Jesse started hanging out with Trent.
Daria : (shooting Jane a curious look) I see …
Jane : It wasn’t anything like that funny girl.
Daria : Sure it wasn’t …
Kevin : Like, Daria?
Daria looks back to Kevin unenthusiastically.
Daria : Yes Kevin?
Kevin : There’s a big party thing at my place this weekend.
Daria : I’ll ask Quinn.
Brittany : No silly, we’re inviting you.
Daria looks at Brittany for a moment before eying Kevin suspiciously.
Daria : Why?
Kevin : Well, you need to be there so I can win back that bet thingie…
Brittany : (elbowing Kevin) Kevie! You said that it was because we were trying to be nice!
Kevin : I did? (thinking) Oh Man!
Brittany : You just wanted her to come so you could cheat on me again!
Kevin : Babe, I didn’t mean it like that!
Jane : Yes, you did Kevin.
Kevin : Oh yeah …
Brittany : Kevie! How could you!
Angry, Brittany leaves with a squeak, leaving a confused Kevin in her wake. Realizing after a moment that something’s wrong, Kevin takes off after Brittany.
Kevin : (VO) Babe! Just, um … Ow!
Andrea : (VO) Hey, watch it.
Kevin : (VO) Sorry…
Exchanging a brief glance, Daria and Jane slip back into the crowd, making their way towards their lockers.
Daria : By any chance, would Mystik Spiral have a gig this weekend?
Jane : Why Daria, is there something I should know? Is there something between you and Trent after all? Does Tom know?
Daria : Shut up Jane. I just feel like getting out of Lawndale …
Kevin : (VO) But babe, how can I apologize to you if you won’t come out of the bathroom?
Daria : … very, very soon.
Jane : Sorry to disappoint you, but they don’t have a gig this weekend. They sort of broke up.
Daria stops in shock, looking at Jane, who merely smiles back at her partner in crime.
Daria : What! Are you serious?
Jane : Oh relax. It’s not permanent or anything.
Daria : Were you planning on explaining that?
Jane : No.
Daria looks at Jane with a scowl on her face. Jane stares back, drawing the moment out over several seconds before relenting.
Jane : Ok, you win. The band was worried that they weren’t really going anywhere, and got to thinking.
Daria : Thinking?
Jane : Thinking, drinking, same thing. But someone decided that if they were to break up for a week or two, they could really clean up on their comeback tour.
Daria : (incredulous) Comeback tour? Did they ever have a regular tour?
Jane : Well sure, they’ve been all over our fine state.
Daria : A tour they got paid for.
Jane : Well now you’re just being picky lil’ miss…
Daria : Somehow, this all makes perfect sense. (Bt) I think that scares me.
Jane : Not me.
Daria : It doesn’t scare you?
Jane : I don’t think it scares me. I know it scares me.
Daria : And on that happy note, let’s pay a visit to Mr. O’Neil’s Neighborhood.
Jane looks at Daria with a bemused glare as the two disappear into the hallway.
****
Inside a classroom at Fielding, Tom is sitting towards the back of the classroom, watching the spectacle unfold at the front of the classroom.
Teacher : Ok Stan, can you translate sentence three from last night’s homework?
Stan : Number three?
Teacher : Yes, you know, three. Not one, not two, not four? Five is right out.
Tom : (thought VO) Sometimes I have to wonder if I’m stuck in some twisted comedy sketch.
Stan : dis et deabus, Romanos relinquitis ubi contra Poenos pugnant?
Looking at Stan, the teacher sighs.
Teacher : I’ve said this over and over again! The vocative! The vocative! You must use the vocative!
Tom : (thought VO) And other times, the answer is delivered on a silver platter.
Teacher : Can anyone give me a correct translation? Mr. Sloane?
Sighing, Tom straightens up in his chair, looking down at his notebook.
Tom : O di diaeque, Romanus relinquitis ubi contra Poenos pugnant
Teacher : Very good Tom. At least someone seems to be paying attention…
As the teacher looks down, the class gives a general dirty look in Tom’s direction.
****
Back at Lawndale High, Daria and Jane are entering Mr. O’Neil’s classroom. Before they can sit down, Mr. O’Neil walks up to Daria.
O’Neil : Jane, could you excuse us for a moment?
Jane : Um, OK.
As Jane takes a seat, Daria turns to Mr. O’Neil. Noticing the concerned look on his face, she sighs.
Daria : I wasn’t serious.
O’Neil : What?
Daria : Whichever assignment you’re worried about, I wasn’t serious.
O’Neil : Oh, it’s nothing like that. I’m supposed to have you stop off at Mrs. Manson’s office.
Daria looks at Mr. O’Neil in resigned frustration.
Daria : Why me?
O’Neil : Because that’s what Ms. Li said?
Daria : That’s not … oh, never mind.
As Daria leaves the room, both Jane and Mr. O’Neil watch, concerned.
Interior of Mrs. Manson’s office. Daria enters through the open door, taking the seat indicated by Mrs. Manson.
Daria : While I do appreciate the reprieve from Mr. O’Neil, would you mind telling me why I’m here?
Closing the door, Mrs. Manson sits down across from Daria, a yellow legal pad resting on the desk in front of her. Picking up her pen, she makes a quick note at the top of the page before addressing Daria.
Manson : That’s an excellent place to start Ms. Morgendorffer. Why are we here?
Daria : Well, I’m here because Ms. Li told Mr. O’Neil that I should come here. I’m guessing you’re here because you’re getting paid.
Manson : Do you always use sarcasm as a defense mechanism Daria?
Daria : Of course not. Silence can work just as well in most cases…
Mrs. Manson rolls her eyes as she reaches down into her bag. Removing a large folder, she places it on the table, turning to the first page.
Manson : I’ve been going through your record, and aside from Phys Ed, you’ve been doing quite well in school.
Daria : (warily) Ok …
Manson : And despite your sarcastic nature, I must admit that I’m a little surprised.
Daria : I could try and do worse if it would make you feel better.
Manson : This isn’t about me Ms. Morgendorffer, this is about you. When did you start having these feelings?
Daria : About thirty seconds after I walked through this door.
Manson : And could you describe these feelings?
Daria looks out the window for a wistful moment, shaking her head as she answers.
Daria : A heavy, oppressive feeling that my time is being utterly wasted yet again. But at Lawndale, you get used to it.
Manson : And did these feelings lead you to consider hurting yourself?
Daria looks up at Mrs. Manson in surprise. Studying her face for a moment, Daria questions her in a much more serious tone.
Daria : What did you just say?
Manson : When did you begin thinking about suicide as an escape mechanism?
Daria : (incredulous) Suicide! Is this some kind of a joke?
Daria looks at Mrs. Manson in surprise as she waits for a response. Realizing that she must say something, Daria takes a brief moment to compose herself.
Daria : Um, I didn’t. I didn’t, I haven’t, and I don’t.
Manson : I wish I could believe you. But laughing at an issue like suicide is often a sign of a more serious problem, and I can’t let you leave until we get to the bottom of this. Unless you’d like me to call your parents?
For a brief moment, we see genuine concern in Daria’s eyes as she considers the situation.
Daria : No, I think my humiliation is complete, thank you. (Bt) Laughing?
Manson : That’s what she said.
Mrs. Manson’s statement strikes a chord with Daria, as she looks up in surprise.
Daria : Quinn.
Manson : I didn’t …
Ignoring Mrs. Manson, Daria reaches across the table and grabs the legal pad. Pulling it back to her side of the table, she quickly begins to write on the paper.
Manson : Ms. Morgendorffer?
Ignoring her, Daria finishes her work, pushing it back across to Mrs. Manson. Curious, she looks down at the notepad.
Through early morning fog I see,
Visions of the things to be,
The pains that are withheld for me,
I realize and I can see...
That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make,
All our little joys relate,
Without that ever-present hate,
But now I know that it's too late, and...
Suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.
Daria : Would that be considering suicide?
Mrs. Manson looks down at the paper, and back up at Daria, confused. Disappointed, Daria shrugs, explaining the situation.
Daria : My, um, boyfriend made me a tape of music to ‘cheer me up’. When I put the tape in, this was the first song, and I was laughing at the irony of the situation.
Manson : (still looking at the lyrics) Um …
Daria : Can I go now, or should I stay until we can invent some repressed memory and make the tour of the talk show circuit?
Mrs. Manson looks back up at Daria, both concerned and relieved.
Manson : I suppose you can go. You know that you can always stop in if you have a problem and need to talk.
Daria : (as she stands) Well then, as I probably won’t be seeing you again, have a good life.
Mrs. Manson sighs in frustration as Daria leaves the room. Outside, Daria turns into the hallway, heading down to the vending machine in the cafeteria.
Daria : She said I could go. She didn’t say that I had to return to class…
Smirking, Daria sits in the empty cafeteria, opening her newly purchased soda. After a sip, she takes out The Will To Power, reading as she sits back in her chair.
Inside Mr. DeMartino’s classroom, however, Quinn is busy taking notes on the Cold War. Alongside her, Stacy is trying to keep up, but not faring quite as well. Tiffany is looking on, seemingly paying attention but not taking any written notes of any kind.
DeMartino : And that’s how the COLD War created an ARMS race as the development of ICBM’s by RUSSIA shocked this PITIFUL nation out of its comPLAcency.
Looking at the class, Mr. DeMartino scowls slightly.
DeMartino : Now GIVEN that none of you SO-called STUDENTS will lift a FINGER in pursuit of GENUINE INTELLECTUAL CURIOSITY, perhaps a little QUIZ for NEXT CLASS will motivate you?
Mr. DeMartino sits down in frustration as the class starts to leave. Quinn closes her notebook when Joey and Jeffy come up to her.
Joey : Hey Quinn.
Jeffy : Yeah, hey. Is there like a quiz or something?
Quinn : What did Mr. DeMartino say?
Joey : Um …
Quinn looks at the two, seemingly frustrated with them.
Quinn : Yes, there is a quiz. Next class.
Jeffy : Hey Quinn? Can I study with you? I’ll take you to Chez Pierre afterwards!
Joey : Yeah, well, I’ll … um …
Quinn : Sorry guys, I, uh, have to go to some thing with my mom this weekend.
Jeffy : Oh.
Quinn leaves the room, leaving Joey and Jeffy watching like forlorn puppies.
Inside the cafeteria, Jane enters, buying a lunch and sitting down next to Daria, who is still reading intently.
Jane : So here’s the magical disappearing girl.
Marking her place in her book, Daria places it back in her bag, facing Jane.
Daria : Where?
Jane : I’m looking at her.
Daria : Then she must not be very good at her job.
Jane : So what happened? How’d you get out of Mr. O’Neil’s class? And how can I do it?
Daria : It’s probably too late to get you committed…
Jane looks at Daria in surprise, cocking her head slightly.
Jane : What?
Daria : Ok, here’s the story, as far as I know. Quinn heard some music that Tom gave me, and got the idea that I was suicidal. She must have gone to Ms. Manson, who had me called in for a psych exam. Thankfully, I convinced her that I was not, in fact, a danger to myself.
Jane : She obviously hasn’t seen you play volleyball.
Daria looks over at Jane, shooting her a dirty look.
Daria : I hate you Jane.
Jane : What else is new.
From behind Jane, Jodie enters the screen, sitting down next to Jane.
Jane : Oh, hi Jodie!
Jodie : (flustered) Hi Jane.
As Daria and Jane regard Jodie suspiciously, she starts wolfing down her lunch. Exchanging a glance with Jane, Daria speaks up.
Daria : Hungry?
Swallowing quickly, Jodie looks up at Daria.
Jodie : If I don’t finish this …
Mack : (VO) Jodie?
Jodie : (deflating) Yes Mack?
Mack : If you have a minute, Ms Li wants to see you.
Jodie : Again!?!
Noticing Daria and Jane’s surprised reactions, Jodie reluctantly heads off away from the table, leaving most of her lunch untouched on the table. Worried, Daria looks to Mack.
Daria : Mack? Is Jodie OK?
Looking around to be sure that Jodie is gone, Mack sits down in Jodie’s seat.
Mack : Her parents are really pushing her hard about the whole college deal, and I think Ms. Li is trying to get as much work out of her as she can before she graduates.
Daria : Oh. I’m … sorry?
Standing up, Mack shakes his head, addressing Daria.
Mack : Thanks. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to try and keep her away from Kevin and Brittany for the rest of the day.
Jane : If that doesn’t work out, you’re welcome to keep them away from us too.
Mack snickers as he heads off in the general direction Jodie headed in. Daria removes a bag from her backpack, removing a sandwich. Staring at the plastic wrap for a moment, she looks up to Jane.
Daria : Will Trent be around tonight?
Jane : Trent?
Daria : Well, much as I love bad movie night, I just want to get out of Lawndale for a while.
Jane : (checking her watch) Well, he wouldn’t be up yet, but by the time I get home, well, maybe …
Daria : Thanks.
****
That afternoon, Quinn is walking down the hallways alone when Sandi comes up to her, a sly look on her face.
Sandi : Good afternoon Quinn.
Quinn : Um, good afternoon?
Sandi : I’m having, like, a party thing this weekend, and what kind of a host would I be if I failed to invite all the popular people first?
Quinn : An equal opportunity inviter?
Sandi : Quinn Morgendorffer! I simply cannot believe that you would accuse me of something so … base.
Quinn looks at Sandi in surprise, moving quickly to appease her anger.
Quinn : But Sandi, I didn’t mean …
Sandi : Well maybe you should think about that Quinn. Say, Saturday night?
Quinn : But Sandi, don’t be silly! I couldn’t possibly live with myself if you really thought that I would say this about you…
Sandi : I don’t really care what you do Quinn. Just don’t try to crash my party, or I’ll be forced to release the hounds.
Quinn : You don’t have any hounds.
Sandi : Fine. I’ll release my brothers on you.
Quinn : Um, your brothers like me Sandi.
Frustrated, Sandi scowls briefly at Quinn.
Sandi : Just don’t show up, OK?
Denying Quinn an opportunity to respond, Sandi storms off, leaving Quinn standing stunned in the hallway.
Quinn : What did I do?
****
Inside Casa Lane, Jane tosses her backpack into her room, stepping back into the hallway.
Jane : Trent? Trent?
Smirking, Jane heads down the hallway, opening the door to Trent’s room.
Jane : Ok sleeping beauty, it’s time to … wha?
Looking into the room, Jane is surprised to see the bed empty. Curious, she looks down the hall.
Jane : Hmm … I don’t hear any music. Trent! Are you in home?
Walking back to her room, Jane comes back with two pieces of paper. Placing them on Trent’s floor, she carefully sets her hands on top of the paper, lowering herself to look beneath Trent’s bed.
Jane : Ok, all I ask is that nothing jump out at me. (Bt) At least nothing poisonous.
Staring under Trent’s bed, a look of concern spreads over Jane’s face as she pushes herself back up onto her knees.
Jane : Great. Just great.
****
Inside the Morgendorffer kitchen, Daria opens the refrigerator to remove a soda when she notices a sheet of paper taped to the refrigerator. Sipping her soda, she removes the paper, reading with interest.
Daria : Well, well, it would appear that Mom and Dad have already left on their company-organized company-paid ‘to hell with the company’ relationship getaway weekend. Ahh, the whole house to myself…
Just as she begins, we hear a noise, as the front door opens.
Daria : Damn. Spoke too soon.
Walking into the living room, Daria looks over at the front door as Quinn shuts it behind her. Realizing that Quinn hasn’t noticed Daria, Daria clears her throat, attracting Quinn’s attention.
Daria : (sweetly but dangerously) Quinn? Could I talk to you for a minute?
Reluctantly, Quinn walks back into the living room, sitting down in the couch.
Daria : I’m sure that you already know that I had the pleasure of meeting with Mrs. Manson again.
Quinn : (nervously) Oh? Why?
Daria : Well, apparently, someone informed her that I was considering suicide. Quinn?
Quinn : (indignant) She wasn’t supposed to … I mean I didn’t …
Realizing that she just managed to implicate herself, Quinn sits back in the couch, preparing for the worst.
Daria : She didn’t say anything. I figured it out all on my own.
Nervously, Quinn looks up the stairs.
Daria : Don’t bother. They’re already gone.
Quinn : Um …
Daria : I just have one question. Why?
Quinn looks at Daria in confusion, not expecting this turn of events.
Quinn : Why what?
Daria : Why did you go to Mrs. Manson on me?
Hesitantly, Quinn stares down at the floor, waiting a moment before answering.
Quinn : Well, like, you’re my sister and all…
Daria : (leading) Ok …
Quinn : I mean, we’re different and all, and I STILL think that you should change your outfit, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself or anything…
Daria : Quinn, do you want to know what you heard?
Quinn nods.
Daria : Tom gave me a couple of tapes to ‘cheer me up’. You heard the first song on his second tape.
Quinn : That’s horrible!
Daria : No, for you that would be horrible. For me, it was amusing and ironic.
Quinn : Oh.
Quinn stares at Daria, considering the situation.
Daria : You know, it’s been almost four minutes since you got home. Don’t you need to convene the fashion club?
Quinn : Um, Ok ...
An uncertain Quinn gets up, picking up her backpack and heading up the stairs. Just before she reaches the top, Daria addresses her.
Daria : Oh, Quinn? Thanks.
Relieved, she continues up the stairs, and into her room.
****
Sloane residence, living room. Tom is sitting on the couch, watching TV when Elsie walks in.
Elsie : Oh great. I’ll bet you’re gonna be on that TV all night, right?
Tom : Or until you whine to mom about it…
Elsie : They’re not here Tom, some big business meeting. They left me in charge.
Tom : And I’m the queen of Sheba.
Elsie : I’m sure we could find you a dress…
Tom : Thank you, no.
Elsie : Oh come on Tom. I could invite some friends over to help. Now, we’d need a wig, and obviously we’d have to stuff, but I think we can work with this…
Tom : (dangerously) Elsie …
Elsie : Now the heels might be a problem. Who do I know with a big foot?
Tom : That’s it. You’ll have to have your little party without me. I’m heading over to Daria’s.
Tom stands up, leaving the room and heading out the front door. As the door slams, Elsie smiles as she picks up the remote, victorious.
Elsie : Yes!
****
Inside the Morgendorffer residence, Daria is sitting on the couch reading her book when the doorbell rings. Slightly surprised, she stands, walking over to the door. As she opens the door, Jane enters, a sheepish look on her face.
Jane : Um, I don’t suppose that Helen would let you borrow a car, would she?
Daria : They’re gone for the weekend.
Jane : (rubbing her hands together) Perfect.
Daria : They also recorded the exact mileage of the SUV before they left.
Jane : Oh.
Daria : So what’s the story with Trent?
Jane : He’s, um, not home. And his songbook is missing too.
Daria : You’re thinking a kidnapper with really poor taste in music?
Jane : Actually, that’s what I’m hoping for.
Daria : Jane?
Jane : Trent’s probably off on another song quest.
Daria : Song quest?
Jane : He’s off searching for inspiration from the travails of life. He’ll call randomly looking for money and directions, stumble around until something strikes his fancy, and then spend the next week locked in the basement trying to give birth to his vision.
Daria : So … no car?
Jane : Right. No car.
Daria : Hmmm …
As Daria thinks, the door rings. Jane answers to find Tom at the door.
Tom : Jane? Is Daria here?
Jane looks at Tom critically, making Tom rather uncomfortable. Turning back to Daria, she gestures at Tom with her thumb.
Jane : Car.
Daria : (uncertain) Car?
Jane : (reassuring) Car.
Tom : Um, did you two get into the liquor cabinet or something?
Daria and Jane exchange a mischievous look before Daria finally lets Tom off the hook.
Daria : We were just trying to figure out how to get out of Lawndale for the night. Trent isn’t around, but you DO have a car…
Jane : And at this point, even being cooped up with you is starting to look attractive.
Tom looks from Daria to Jane and back, somewhat nervous.
Tom : Um, where were you going to go?
Daria and Jane exchange a look.
Daria : Dammit!
Jane : I knew we forgot something…
Tom : And is this OK with Helen and Jake?
Daria : They have voiced no concerns over my weekend plans.
Jane : So they’re not here, right?
Daria : Lucky guess.
Tom : Hmmm …
Daria and Jane both stop, looking over at Tom.
Daria : I think he has an idea.
Jane : We should be afraid.
Daria : We?
Jane : You think I’d hog all the misery for myself?
Tentatively, Tom interrupts Daria and Jane.
Tom : Um, did you have anything specific in mind?
Daria : Not really…
Tom : (ambivalent) Well, if you want, my parents have a nice cabin a few hours from here…
Jane : A cabin?
Tom : Out in the woods. We used to go up there all the time when we were little, sort of a family bonding exercise.
Jane : And now we’re your family?
Tom : Well, no. But I know where it is, it’s free, and it’s away from Lawndale.
Daria : That works for me. Jane?
Jane : You’re asking if I want to go with you and your boyfriend, who just happens to be my ex, to a secluded cabin in the woods?
Daria looks at Jane, frowning slightly.
Daria : Oh. I’m sure we can figure something else out.
Jane : No, that’s fine with me, as long as I can bring some art supplies.
Tom : I think we can manage that…
Quinn : (VO) Ahem!
Looking up to the staircase, the three notice Quinn standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at them. Sighing, Daria looks up in frustration.
Daria : How much Quinn?
Walking down the stairs, Quinn smiles as she approaches the three.
Quinn : I want in.
Daria : In?
Quinn : I want to come with you.
Glancing up the stairs, Daria regards her sister suspiciously.
Daria : Um, why?
Quinn : Because I do?
Looking at Tom and Jane dubiously, she nods her head towards the other side of the room.
Daria : Just give us a minute to talk it over?
Quinn : (annoyed) Fine.
Tom, Daria, and Jane walk away, out of easy earshot for Quinn.
Daria : (softly) So what do you two think?
Jane : Well … it’s Quinn …
Tom : She has been less annoying lately.
Daria : For Quinn.
Tom : True.
Daria : So, bring Quinn, yes or no?
Jane : Abstain
Tom : I’ll second that.
Daria : Oh sure, gang up on me …
Tom : All’s fair in love and war…
Daria turns to the waiting Quinn.
Daria : Pack your bag Quinn, you can come.
Quinn’s face lights up as she starts back towards the stairs.
Daria : Just remember, ONE BAG that you can carry BY YOURSELF…
Quinn : (VO) Yeah, yeah, whatever…
Turning to Tom and Jane, Daria sighs.
Daria : Ok, meet back here in half an hour ready to go?
Both Tom and Jane nod their assent, and head out the door to pack.
Inside Daria’s room, Daria pulls out a small black duffel bag. Opening her closet, she removes an identical copy of her usual outfit, folding it carefully before placing it into the bag. Thinking for a moment, she returns to the closet, selecting a pair of jeans. Filling out her bag with a few undergarments, Daria zips it closed. Walking over to her desk, she removes a notebook from the top drawer, setting it down upon her bag.
Daria : Done.
Over at Casa Lane, Jane enters her room, pulling out a small suitcase. Without hesitation, she fills the suitcase with enough clothes to last her the weekend. Reaching under her bed, she pulls out a set of paints, wrapping them in a plastic bag before setting them in with her clothes. Searching her room, she uncovers a few canvasses and a sketchbook. Placing the sketchbook into her suitcase, she closes it with a click, placing the canvasses on top of it.
At the Sloane’s house, Tom sneaks in through the back door, moving carefully to avoid inviting Elsie’s notice. Walking quietly up the stairs, Tom enters his bedroom. As he picks up a backpack, Tom makes his way to his dresser, carefully opening the drawers to pack a few clothes into his pack. Satisfied, he zips his pack, slinging it over his shoulder as he sneaks back outside.
In Quinn’s room, Quinn has a large pile of clothes sitting on her bed, as she tries to quickly go through the stash to try and select an appropriate subset for the trip. Going through each candidate one by one, she folds them, filling up a large carry-on sized suitcase with those that pass her screening.
Daria : (VO) Quinn! Everyone else is ready but you!
Sighing, Quinn quickly chooses another two outfits, shutting her bag and hurrying downstairs.
Inside the Morgendorffer living room, Daria, Tom, and Jane stand at the base of the stairs, waiting for Quinn. From the top of the stairs, Quinn emerges, carrying an obviously heavy bag as she descends the staircase.
Tom : So, is everybody ready?
Daria : (lifting her bag) They’d better be, since we’re heading out.
Daria, Jane, and Quinn lift their bags as Tom opens the door for them. Walking outside, Jane stops suddenly, staring at the driveway.
Jane : Wow!
Following Jane’s gaze, Daria smirks at Tom.
Daria : Your car’s still in the shop?
Tom : Should be back Monday.
Quinn : Well, if his car is broken, then how …
Looking into the driveway, Quinn’s eyes go wide as she notices the convertible sitting in the driveway.
Quinn : Oh my God! That’s, like, a BMW M3 convertible! This is just so cool, I mean, nobody at school has anything THIS nice.
Daria : (to Jane) You hold her down, I’ll get the risperidone.
Quinn : What?
Daria : Just calm down a little Quinn.
Quinn : But this is SUCH a cool car.
Tom, Jane, and Daria exchange a dubious glance as they begin to load their bags into the small trunk.
****
Inside the library, Jodie sits alone at a table, books spread out across the surface. Reading for a moment, Jodie sets the book down, making a few notes in her notebook. Setting down her pen, she closes her eyes for a moment, resting her head on the table.
Mack : (VO) I’ll bet your bed is a lot more comfortable than that table…
Looking up, Jodie turns to see Mack coming up behind her.
Mack : I thought I’d stop in and see how you’re doing.
Jodie : I’m fine Mack.
Mack : You don’t look fine. You look exhausted. Why don’t you go home and get some rest?
Jodie looks up at Mack, quite obviously very tired from her work.
Jodie : If I go home, I’ll just be cornered by my parents about college applications and decisions, and they’ll try and convince me to go on yet another college trip to interview with yet another idiot recruiter in the vain hopes that it will reduce the already infinitesimal chances that none of the schools will admit me.
Mack : (eyeing Jodie with sympathy) If you want to stop at my place for a nap, I could wake you when it’s time to go home.
Jodie looks up at Mack, managing a weak smile for Mack.
Jodie : (measured, rational tone) Mack, things are just very busy right now. My life may be hell, but that doesn’t mean that you can fix it…
Mack looks down at Jodie, concern evident in his face.
Jodie : But thank you for trying.
****
Out on the open road, the BMW is cruising down the highway, the top up. Inside, Tom is driving, with Daria riding shotgun. Quinn and Jane are wedged into the back seat, maintaining as much distance as is possible in the close quarters of the car.
Daria : Is anyone else getting hungry?
Jane : Yeah, I could go for a bite to eat.
Tom : Sounds good to me. I think there’s a nice burger joint up at the next exit.
Quinn : Ewww … burgers? They’re, like, sooo fattening!
Daria and Jane look at Quinn in bemused annoyance.
Daria : And what would you suggest Quinn?
Quinn : Well, if we went to a REAL restaurant, then there’d be plenty of choices for everyone.
Jane : Meaning you.
Quinn : Well, yeah.
Daria : But we can’t afford to stop at a real restaurant Quinn.
Quinn : Isn’t that why Tom’s here?
Jane looks at Quinn, a smile on her face.
Jane : I never thought I’d say this Quinn, but I like the way you think…
From the front seat, Tom hazards a glance over at Daria.
Tom : Daria? Can you talk some sense into them?
Daria : (smirking) I don’t know Tom. They sound pretty sensible to me.
Tom looks over at Daria briefly, speaking as he returns his gaze to the road.
Tom : Ok, I know when I’m beaten. There’s a restaurant nearby where everyone should be able to find something they like…
****
Inside Cashmans, Tiffany and Stacy are examining fashion combinations at the new arrivals rack.
Stacy : Wow. There are, like, so many new fashions.
Tiffany : I know … it’s like, those fish thingies … with the teeth … if they, like, don’t keep moving … they, like, die.
Stacy : Yeah, and plus, it gets old too…
Sandi : (VO) Why Stacy, Tiffany, so nice to see you…
Surprised, Stacy turns to look at Sandi.
Stacy : Sandi? What are you doing here?
Sandi : Well Stacy, I have a party this weekend, and you wouldn’t want me to be underdressed, would you?
Stacy : Um, no …
Sandi : So I take it you’ll be there?
Stacy : Sure Sandi. Quinn, Tiffany, and I wouldn’t miss it.
Scowling momentarily, Sandi looks down at Stacy.
Sandi : Quinn is not invited Stacy. She thinks that she’s too good for my party.
Stacy : But she wouldn’t do that Sandi! I’m sure if you just talked to her…
Sandi : She is not welcome at the party.
Tiffany : Then, like, we can’t go either …
Sandi looks at Tiffany, annoyance in her eyes.
Sandi : What was that Tiffany?
Tiffany : Well, it’s like, solitarity or something. It just wouldn’t be right if the president wasn’t invited…
Stacy : Um, yeah!
Eyeing the two suspiciously, Sandi shakes her head.
Sandi : Well fine. There are plenty of pretty, popular people coming already. There’s really no need to invite the two of you to make them feel better, is there?
Stacy : Um …
Concealing her annoyance, Sandi heads off, away from Stacy and Tiffany. Impressed, Stacy turns to Tiffany.
Stacy : Wow Tiffany, I’m impressed.
Tiffany : Huh?
Stacy : That you stood up to Sandi like that.
Tiffany : I did?
Flustered, but recognizing a futile situation, Stacy turns back to the clothing rack, looking over the combinations. Unphased, Tiffany looks off towards Sandi for a brief moment before following suit.
****
In the middle of a wooded glade, Tom’s car drives up a long driveway, pulling up in front of a rustic cabin. Emerging from the car, Tom walks a small circle around the car, stretching out his legs as the girls emerge. Daria emerges first, looking up in surprise at the cabin, her eyes slowly drifting over the large porch protruding from the front of the building.
Daria : Um, Wow…
As Jane and Quinn squeeze out of the back seat, Daria looks up over the stained wood exterior, staring at the steeply sloped roof.
Jane : Whoa!
Quinn : This is, like, so cool…
Tom : So, do you want to see the inside, or should we just sleep in the car?
Looking down at Tom, Daria smirks.
Daria : Definitely inside.
Tom : Well then, the baggage awaits.
Tom picks up his bag, heading up the cobblestone path towards the front door. Daria watches for a moment before shrugging and hefting her bag as well. The two walk past an oblivious Jane and Quinn, startling them.
Jane : Hey! Wait for me!
Quinn : Wait for us!
Jane : Yeah, us. That’s what I meant...
Grabbing their bags, Quinn and Jane move quickly to catch up with Daria and Tom.
Inside the cabin, Daria sets her bag down against the wall as Tom turns on the light switch, revealing a large living room, complete with an ornate fireplace and a cathedral ceiling. In the back of the room, a simple staircase leads up to the second floor, wrapping around the outside of the living room.
Quinn : (entering the door) Oh wow! This is, like, so cool.
Quinn turns to Daria, still admiring the surroundings.
Quinn : Daria, if you break up with Tom, can I have him? (looking around) This is great!
Daria : Wouldn’t that violate your Fashion Club oath or something?
Quinn : Daria, for a house and car like this, we make exceptions.
Tom : Um, don’t I get a say in this?
Jane : Nope. Now just be quiet, and let Daria get a good price for you…
Tom looks at the three, with a look of ‘what have I gotten myself into?’ Sighing, he changes the subject before they have the opportunity to continue.
Tom : Would anyone like the quick tour of the house?
Quinn : You mean there’s more?
Tom looks at Quinn, laughing slightly.
Tom : Of course Quinn. There’s a kitchen, an observation deck, two bathrooms and two bedrooms.
Jane looks up at Tom sharply, surprise in her eyes.
Jane : What was that?
Tom : Huh? There’s a bathroom …
Jane : How many bedrooms?
Tom : Two?
Jane : And does anyone see the problem here? There are four of us.
Tom : Oh …
As Tom looks at the girls in concern, Daria clears her throat.
Daria : I will share a room with Tom, and Jane will share a room with Quinn.
Jane : What! What did I do?
Quinn : Hey!
Resigned, Daria walks in front of Jane and Quinn.
Daria : Jane, no offense, but having you or Quinn share a room with Tom would be … too weird for me. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but … um …
Jane : You don’t?
Daria : Well …
Jane : Don’t worry Daria. I understand.
Tom : Daria, you know that I wouldn’t, um …
Daria : Yes, yes, but after a week or two, my parents would probably realize that Quinn’s missing…
Quinn : Daria!
Daria turns to Quinn, looking at her seriously.
Daria : Quinn, can you at least try and be reasonable this weekend and not get on everyone’s nerves?
Quinn : Thirty.
Daria : Ten
Quinn : Twenty
Daria : Fifteen.
Quinn : Deal.
****
Inside the Griffin household, Sandi is sitting on her bed when the phone rings. Sighing, Sandi answers the phone.
Sandi : Hello? Melissa? (Bt) What? (Bt) Why? (Bt) Solidarity? I can’t believe that you’d … Hello?
Hanging up the phone angrily, Sandi sits back on her bed, sulking.
Sandi : Damn Quinn…
****
Inside the cabin, Jane and Quinn are inside their bedroom, getting ready for bed. Quinn emerges from the attached bathroom, her hair wet as she begins to brush it gently.
Jane : Well this isn’t what I thought I’d be doing with my weekend.
Quinn : Huh?
Jane : Sharing a room with you wouldn’t have been my first choice…
Quinn : But it’s so beautiful up here.
Jane : Before or after you showed up?
Quinn looks over at Jane as she continues to brush, a slight hint of worry in her voice.
Quinn : Am I really that bad?
Jane looks back at Quinn, considering her answer carefully.
Jane : Um, sometimes, yes. You are. (Bt) But you’ve been almost tolerable up here…
Quinn : (sourly) Gee, thanks.
Jane : And then there’s Daria sleeping, um, sharing a room with Tom and all…
Quinn : It’s not like it hasn’t happened before …
Jane looks over at Quinn in shock.
Jane : She told you about that?
Quinn : Well of course. I mean, Tom’s mom did find them and all…
Cocking her head, Jane studies Quinn for a moment.
Jane : Wait a second. What did you say?
Quinn : Tom’s mom found them?
Quinn looks at Jane suspiciously.
Quinn : You didn’t know about that? (Bt) It happened more than once?
Jane glances over at Quinn, a mischievous grin on her face.
Jane : You know Quinn, perhaps its time to put aside our differences for the greater good…
Next door, Daria and Tom are standing in the bedroom, staring at the single king bed in the center of the room.
Daria : That’s, um, a big bed.
Tom : Yeah. I probably should have thought this out before we came up here.
Daria : We didn’t really give you a chance…
Tom : Well, yeah, I suppose…
Daria : It’s not like we haven’t done this before.
Tom : Intentionally? Sober?
Daria : You would have to bring that up.
Tom : Um, Daria? Would you like me to sleep on the floor?
Daria : That’s not fair.
Tom : No, but it’s Ok with me if you would be more comfortable that way.
Daria looks over at Tom, her eyes rife with conflict.
Daria : I think I’ll be Ok. It’s just, um, a little … weird.
Tom : I’ll stay over on my side. You won’t even know that I’m there…
Daria looks down at her feet, speaking in a soft, subdued tone.
Daria : Um, thanks.
Tom walks over to Daria, placing a gentle arm around her.
Tom : You know, you’re allowed to be human sometimes, you know …
Daria pulls away slightly, looking up at Tom.
Daria : Who says I’m human?
****
In front of the Landon household, a car pulls up, stopping in the driveway. Mack emerges from the drivers’ seat, walking over to the passenger side door. Opening the door, he reaches in, helping an exhausted Jodie out of the car.
Mack : That’s it, time for bed.
Standing, Jodie slowly makes her way towards her front door.
Mack : I thought the concert went pretty well.
Jodie : Yeah. (yawning) The kids seemed to have fun…
Mack : Did you?
Jodie : I probably would have if I was more awake.
Mack : Jodie?
Jodie : Mack? I’m really not in the mood for this.
Mack looks at Jodie sympathetically.
Mack : At least try and get a good night’s sleep, Ok?
Jodie : (opening her front door) Yes, I’ll try Mack. Goodnight.
Jodie closes the door, leaving a concerned Mack staring at the painted wood.
****
Within the confines of Jane and Quinn’s room, Jane wakes up, looking out at the darkness outside. Slipping out of bed, she pulls on her clothes, fishing the paints out of her suitcase. Stirring slightly, Quinn rolls over in her bed, wrapping herself tightly in her comforter. Curling up, she relaxes a little, falling back to sleep.
On the cabin deck, Jane sets up her easel just as Aurora spreads her rosy fingers over the sky. As the slowly rising sun peeks over the horizon, Jane hurriedly unpacks her paint, moving quickly to capture the scene on her canvas.
Inside the cabin, Tom enters the kitchen, flipping the switch to turn on the coffee machine. As the coffee begins to brew, Tom searches the refrigerator, retrieving a pound of bacon and a dozen eggs. Setting them on the counter, he reaches down, opening the breadbox to remove a loaf of bread.
Just outside, Daria emerges from her room, lurching down the hallway in a semi-awake state. Carefully walking down the stairs, she stops in front of the kitchen. Looking in, she spies Tom.
Daria : Tom?
Tom looks at Daria, surprised at her appearance.
Tom : You’re not a morning person, are you?
Daria : Not really, no.
Getting up, Tom walks up to the counter, pausing the coffee machine to pour Daria a mug.
Tom : Here. I think you need this.
Daria : (taking the mug) Ahh, the land of milk and honey…
Tom : Actually, none of either at the moment.
Daria : Does it have caffeine?
Tom : Of course!
Daria : Then it’ll do. Is anyone else awake?
Tom : (gesturing outside) I think Jane is outside painting.
Daria : Jane? At this hour?
Tom : Apparently, art respects no boundaries.
Daria : And Quinn?
Tom : Haven’t seen her. Probably still asleep.
Daria : Thank god for small favors…
Later that morning, Daria and Tom are sitting at the kitchen table, each nursing a cup of coffee, as bacon sizzles in the background.
Tom : Are you more awake now?
Daria : Yeah, I think so. This is just all very weird.
Tom : How so?
Daria : Well, I’ve been awake for almost an hour, and I haven’t been volunteered for anything, admonished, pressured, or whined at.
Tom : So, you’re finally relaxing?
Daria : Like I said, weird…
Quinn : (VO) Bacon? That’s, like, all fat!
Daria and Tom look over at Quinn standing in the doorway.
Daria : (to Tom) Now that’s better. (to Quinn) Of course it is Quinn, that’s why it tastes so good.
Tom : Yeah, help yourself.
Quinn : Isn’t there, like, anything else?
Daria : Well, there are eggs and sausage if you want …
Quinn looks over at Daria, a queasy expression forming on her face. Gazing between the two sisters, Tom smiles as he lets Quinn off the hook.
Tom : There’s some fruit in the refrigerator Quinn.
Quinn : Thanks Tom!
Relieved, Quinn heads towards the refrigerator as Daria glares at Tom.
****
Inside Cranberry Commons, Jodie sits alone at a table, a burger and fries sitting in front of her. As she slowly eats, Sandi walks up to the table, standing across from Jodie. Taking a sip of her soda, Jodie reluctantly looks up at Sandi.
Jodie : Did you want something?
Sandi : Like, here.
Sandi hands Jodie a small slip of paper.
Jodie : What’s this?
Sandi : It’s an invitation to my party tonight.
Jodie : Sandi, I’m sorry, but I just don’t have time for that.
Sandi looks at Jodie in annoyance.
Sandi : Oh, come on, how busy can you possibly be? It’s just one night…
Jodie : Look. I have about a half hour for lunch, and six hours for sleep at night. The rest of my time this weekend is full. Busy. I realize that you may have nothing better to do, and that you probably can’t even understand this, but I have no free time to go to your party. None.
Sandi takes a step back, startled.
Sandi : Um, erp, uh …
Jodie : Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to eat my lunch while it’s still cold.
Giving up, Sandi leaves the table as a disgruntled Jodie sighs, returning to her meal.
****
Inside the cabin, Daria is sitting in a rocking chair reading The Will to Power when Quinn enters the room. Sitting down on the couch, Quinn tucks her feet up alongside her, pulling out a book. Curious, Daria puts her book down, walking over to her sister.
Daria : Quinn?
Quinn : (hiding her book) Yes?
Daria : Why are you here?
Quinn : Huh?
Daria : Why did you want to come with us?
Quinn : Um, well …
Sheepishly, Quinn pulls out her book, The Handmaid's Tale.
Quinn : Um, I was reading this for Mr. O’Neil …
Daria : Mr. O’Neil? Isn’t that book a little … downbeat for him?
Quinn smiles a little.
Quinn : I think he thought it was, like, a book about the middle ages or something.
Daria : So you haven’t turned in the paper yet?
Quinn : Monday.
Daria : Back to the original question, why did you want to come with us?
Quinn : Um, well, I was reading this book, and it just, uh …
Daria : Yes?
Quinn : Well, it just, uh, seemed a little too real…
Daria : How so?
Quinn : Well, like, my friends are all, well, anti-brain.
Daria : Quinn, it’s Daria. You don’t have to tell me that…
Quinn : Oh, yeah. But I mean, how am I any different? I mean, the fashion club and all don’t want to learn stuff, we just want boys to take us out, pay for everything, and take care of us.
Daria looks at Quinn, concerned.
Daria : You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?
Quinn : Say what?
Gazing down at her feet, Daria explains to Quinn.
Daria : Quinn, you’re my sister. You can be unbelievably annoying at times, and I most definitely do not share your views on much of anything.
Quinn : Gee, thanks.
Daria : (looking up at Quinn) But in the grand scheme of things, you’re not that bad. You’re reasonably intelligent, and occasionally you realize this for yourself. And much to my surprise, you’ve been almost pleasant up here.
Quinn turns to Daria sympathetically.
Quinn : Um, thanks. (Bt) You’re not, um, planning to hang out with me or anything, are you?
Daria : (chuckling) Perish the thought, dear sister…
Quinn : Uh, why not?
Daria : Quinn, you may be smarter than most of your friends, but we’re still from different worlds. Your friends wouldn’t understand me, and you’d hate having a ‘brain’ around all the time…
Quinn : I guess. (Bt) So it’s not because you don’t like me?
Daria : Quinn, I’m your sister.
Quinn remains silent, looking at Daria expectantly.
Daria : No Quinn, it’s not.
Quinn smiles as a slightly abashed Daria returns to her chair.
Outside on the porch, Tom walks out to where Jane is busily painting an abstract painting based on the landscape in front of her.
Tom : (examining her painting) Wow Jane, that’s amazing!
Jane : Thanks. I kind of got inspired by the surroundings. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t run off into the woods on a regular basis.
Tom : Ok … well, I’m glad that you’re having a good time. Or at least a productive time.
Tom watches for a moment, turning to leave when Jane addresses him.
Jane : Um, Tom? Why didn’t you ever bring me up here?
Tom : (confused) Um, I did. This weekend.
Jane : No, I mean, when we were dating.
Tom : Oh. Honestly? I just didn’t think of it.
Jane : Really?
Tom : Really. It was nothing against you, I just didn’t think of it.
Jane : Oh.
Looking out over the landscape, Jane studies it for a moment of quiet consideration. Shrugging, she turns back to Tom.
Jane : Then off with you! I’ve got more painting to do!
Tom shakes his head, chuckling slightly as he retreats back inside.
****
At the Griffin household later that day, Sandi is sitting in her living room as a sparse crowd mills about the room.
Upchuck : Hey Sandi. Would you care to leave this party and investigate ‘other options’ upstairs.
Sandi turns to Upchuck, her voice dripping with frustration.
Sandi : Why are you here Charles?
Upchuck : Why, to get to know the fair Ms. Griffin better, my precious flower of love.
Sandi gives Upchuck a nasty glare, causing him to flinch slightly.
Sandi : Charles, if you get out of my sight right now and remain there, I will refrain from calling the police.
Upchuck : Rowr, feisty! Just remember, dearest Sandi, that you need but to call my name and I shall appear.
As Upchuck moves on to his next target, Sandi walks off into the empty kitchen, burying her hands in her face.
****
Back at the cabin, Jane and Quinn are sitting in the living room, a roaring fire in the fireplace. Jane is watching the fire with interest, trying to capture the dancing flames in her sketchbook. Quinn, across the room, is flipping through a magazine, her book sitting on the coffee table. As Tom enters, Quinn looks up.
Tom : Quinn? Have you seen Daria around?
Quinn : I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve seen her much since dinner.
Tom : Jane?
Jane : Shhh! Working.
Quinn : You know, I could have warned you…
Tom : Thanks Quinn.
Quinn : (going back to her magazine) You might want to try upstairs. I thought I heard something earlier…
Tom heads towards the back of the room, making his way up the staircase. Walking around the hallway overlooking the living room, Tom peers into the empty bedroom, listening for any noise from the bathroom. Hearing nothing, Tom leaves the room.
Returning to the staircase, Tom opens a small door to the right, heading up a small set of stairs onto a dark loft. Walking out into the loft, the gusting wind catches the side of the roof, extracting a creak in protest.
Tom : (softly) Daria?
From the opposite side of the room, a soft reply is heard.
Daria : Yes?
Turning, Tom spots a dark silhouette sitting up against the wall, looking out the large window. Tom walks over to Daria, taking a seat next to her.
Tom : Is anything wrong?
Daria looks over at Tom, a smile on her face.
Daria : No, just enjoying the view.
Tom : Oh. Um, it’s dark out.
Daria looks back out the window, leaning back against the angled wall.
Daria : You know, its funny. My parents periodically dragged me out on camping trips, retreats, and other ‘back to nature’ crap, but I never really got into it. But just sitting here, in the dark, hearing the wind gust and the creak of the roof, well … it’s kind of nice, in that not mass-marketed, not shoved down your throat kind of way.
Tom : Um …
Daria leans over, kissing Tom in the dark as a large wind gust plays over the cabin. Pulling back, a grateful Daria smiles slightly at Tom.
Daria : Thanks.
Tom : For what?
Daria : This whole weekend?
Tom : Um, you’re welcome?
As the wind blows, Daria leans against Tom, resting her head upon his shoulder as the two watch the shadows dancing in the darkness.
The next morning, the four leave the cabin, carrying their bags out to the car. As Daria and Tom load the bags into the trunk, Quinn and Jane slide into the back seat of the car.
Jane : Well, it looks like we’re stuck with each other once again.
Quinn : At least its only for a few hours. And in such a nice car too…
Jane : This car really impresses you, doesn’t it?
Quinn : (as Tom and Daria get in) Impress? Maybe … Is it wrong to like nice new things?
Jane : I suppose not…
As Jane considers Quinn’s response, the car jerks to a start, roughly accelerating down the driveway.
Jane : Whoa Tom, take it easy there.
Looking back from the passenger’s seat, Tom smiles at Jane.
Tom : Don’t go blaming this on me …
Quinn : Wait a minute, Daria’s driving?
Daria : (VO) That’s right Quinn.
Quinn : But you don’t know how to drive a car like this!
Jane : You know Quinn, I’ll bet Tom taught her how to work the stick.
Quinn giggles in spite of herself as Tom slides back into his seat.
Quinn : Well Daria? Is it true?
Daria : Tom? Isn’t this the time to step in and defend my virtue?
Tom : I could do that, I suppose. But it’s a lot more fun to watch…
Jane : Now that IS news…
Daria : Jane! If we weren’t merging onto the highway …
Suddenly, Daria accelerates much more rapidly, aggressively merging into traffic. As Jane and Quinn reach for the handholds, Daria signals, moving into the left lane.
Jane : Whoa there caballera! What’s the rush?
Daria : Quinn, turn around. Four cars back, right lane. What do you see?
Quinn turns, squinting slightly as she tries to make out the car.
Quinn : Um, a Lexus, driven by … a woman in red … mom?
Daria : That’s my guess. So unless you feel like being grounded for life, we might want to beat them home.
Back at the Morgendorffer residence, Daria and Quinn enter the door, heading immediately up to their rooms with their suitcases. A mere two minutes later, Helen and Jake enter, dropping their suitcases at the foot of the stairs.
Helen : Now wasn’t that fun Jake?
Jake : It was pretty, but I wish that those damn birds would just stay away from the car…
Helen : Jake …
Jake : (pouting) They could have at least let me use the rifle.
Helen : They clearly stated that you cannot shoot the birds Jake. Now stop worrying. We’ll get your car washed tomorrow.
Jake : Really? With the big spinning brushes?
Helen : Yes Jake. (yelling upstairs) Girls? Would you come down here?
Daria and Quinn make their way down the stairs. Daria is fairly composed, but Quinn walks nervously behind her sister.
Helen : Well, we’re back early girls. Seems your father doesn’t get along too well with the wildlife.
Jake : But I didn’t know we got to WASH the car Helen! I love those spinning brushes!
Helen sighs, pausing momentarily before proceeding.
Helen : So how was your weekend?
Quinn looks nervously to Daria, just beginning to answer when Daria responds.
Daria : Well … Quinn, Jane, Tom, and I took a jaunt in Tom’s convertible up to a secluded mountain cabin, where we learned to truly appreciate the wonders of nature.
Quinn looks to Daria in barely concealed terror as Helen frowns.
Helen : Daria! If you don’t want to tell me, don’t tell me. There’s no need to make up stories like that.
Daria : If you insist mom…
Helen : Why don’t you girls go get ready, and we’ll go out for lunch. Ok?
Daria and Quinn walk back up the stairs, relieved.
****
In the halls of Lawndale High the next morning, Daria and Jane are heading for their lockers when they spot Jodie leaning against her locker.
Daria : Jodie?
Jodie : Just leave me alone! All of you!
As Jodie heads off into the school, Mack approaches Daria apologetically.
Mack : Hey, um, sorry about that. She’s had, um, a really busy weekend, and isn’t really in an amicable mood…
Daria : It’s OK. I’ve had a few days like that.
Jane : Say, days ending in ‘y’?
Daria : Hey!
Mack : Well, not to be antisocial, but I should be going…
Daria : You know, me too. I’ll meet you in class Jane.
Daria heads off, leaving a surprised Jane standing in the hallway.
Jane : Huh?
Across the hall, Quinn meets up with Tiffany and Stacy.
Stacy : Hey Quinn, we missed you this weekend.
Tiffany : Yeah. Oh … sorry about Sandi’s party.
Quinn : Sandi’s party?
Stacy : Yeah, like, when we found out that you weren’t invited, we like, felt so bad about it.
Tiffany : And we … didn’t … like, go either…
Quinn : You guys missed the party for me?
Stacy : Of course Quinn! The Fashion Club has to stick together…
Quinn smiles at Tiffany and Stacy, almost ecstatic at the news
Quinn : (gushing) Wow, um, thanks guys!
In the empty hallways of Lawndale High, Jodie leaves Ms. Li’s office, heading towards the exit when Daria steps in front of her.
Jodie : Daria? Don’t you have class?
Daria : Yes.
Jodie : But you’re here…
Daria : It’s Mr. O’Neil. He’ll get over it.
Jodie : Ok …
Daria : I needed to talk to you.
Jodie : Sorry, I need to get home. My mother just called, and she has some emergency to take care of, and needs me to come back and watch Evan. (Bt) I don’t need this.
Daria : No, she didn’t.
Jodie : Yes, she did. She called Ms. Li, who pulled me out of class…
Daria : No, someone claiming to be your mother called. Someone suspiciously missing from class, someone that Ms. Li would never suspect.
Jodie : You?
Daria : That’s right. You have the day off. Enjoy yourself before you kill someone.
Jodie : Um, thanks?
Daria : Just one request.
Jodie : Ok …
Daria : Don’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t want to ruin my reputation.
As Daria turns to return to class, Jodie watches appreciatively. Smiling genuinely for the first time in a while, Jodie heads out of the school, going nowhere in particular and loving every moment of it.