Disclaimer: Daria and associated characters are owned by MTV. This is fan fiction written for entertainment only. No money or other negotiable currency or goods have been exchanged.

This was written for Round 3 of the The Angst Guy/The Bug Guy challenge. Basically organized by the denizens of PPMB to annoy and amuse the two of us.

The challenge: Write a fic (length doesn't matter, but short is obviously better) where Daria attempts to get revenge on someone and completely fails and is publicly humiliated. This can take place either at LHS or after, although the revenge must be on an established character from the series.

Richard Lobinske


Pausing after her opening remarks, Daria Morgendorffer gazed out over the podium at the assembled students of her new school, Lawndale High. She was on stage in recognition for completing the school's "Self-Esteem" class early.

Daria thought, If I'm going to suffer for this, somebody else will. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched the empty wing, where her new friend, Jane Lane, had run off after faking an anxiety attack, with their teacher, Mr. O'Neill, in panicked pursuit. Oh well, if I can't get the primary target, I'll have to go with a target of opportunity. Where's Quinn? With little effort, Daria spotted her. Ah, there she is, between two brain-deficient boys.

Into the microphone, Daria said, "And so, the one person I'd like to thank more than any other is my very own sister, Quinn Morgendorffer." She watched in satisfaction as Quinn looked up in surprise. That got her attention, along with those boys and the Fashion Police sitting in front of her. Now, for the twist of the knife.

"My sister Quinn has forgotten more about self-esteem than I'll ever know. Are you out there, sis? Stand up and let me thank you." Daria felt a smile forming on her lips as Quinn started to melt into her seat and the boys next to her began to talk.

Oh, jeez. She's trying to embarrass me again! Quinn felt the frustration in her stomach.

One of the boys next to her (Corey?) said, "That, like, brain is your sister?"

And a second boy asked, "Are you a brain, too?"

Oooooh! That's enough. Quinn looked at the one boy. "A lot more of one that she gives me credit for." She stood up and waved. "Hi, Sis!"

Daria stepped back in shock.

Quinn grinned, knowing she'd just gained the upper hand. "Oh, Daria. You don't have to thank me. That's what sisters are for. I'm just so glad you've been able to get past this problem you had for so, so many years." Quinn turned to face the audience. "I'm so proud of her. She's fought this problem with all she could."

Daria felt her face turning a brilliant crimson as she took more steps back.

After a quick look over her shoulder at the retreating Daria, Quinn continued, "It was heart-breaking at times. But, she finally made it." Quinn shouted, "Everybody, give my big sister a hand!"

The audience erupted into loud applause as Daria felt the sound drop on her like a ton of bricks. The final straw was seeing Quinn standing in the middle of it all, with an innocent smile on her face. Daria broke and ran off the stage in the same direction that Jane had run.

Quinn sat down and leaned forward to her new friends, Sandi and Stacy. "My cousin can be so weird at times. Sometimes thinks she's my sister. Kind of sad really, but I play along and try to make her feel good about herself. She needs all the help she can get."

Dialog from Esteemsters by Glenn Eichler via the Outpost Daria transcript.

Thanks to my wife Louise for beta reading.

April 2005