DARIA MEETS JOHNNY BRAVO By Patrick Moore (Scene opens with Daria and Jane waiting in line at a movie theater.) DARIA- Are you sure this movie's good? JANE- Roger Ebert gave it one thumb up. I thought you like brainless teen flicks? DARIA- I do, but I don't like them if they're in the Quinn/Kevin/Brittany stage. What is this movie anyway? JANE- A teen comedy with a lot of romance in it. DARIA- I knew it. (As we see the girls in line we see Johnny Bravo and Carl right behind them.) JOHNNY- (To Carl.) This movie better have chicks in it. CARL- I thought we were going to see "The Matrix", Johnny. JOHNNY- I don't want to see any of that stupid sci-fi crud. I want to see babes. CARL- You're immature, Johnny. You should be seeing better movies like "American Beauty" and "The English Patient." JOHNNY- Shut up, dork. (Daria turns her head to look at Johnny and Carl.) DARIA- What are you two doing? JOHNNY- Me and the dweeb here were talking about our favorite movies, and... (Johnny stares at Daria as we see his eyes turn into little hearts.) Do you want to go out on a date with this stud muffin? DARIA- Get bent. JOHNNY- Does this mean you'll marry me? DARIA- Go to Hell. JOHNNY- You can't say that word in cartoons. JANE- You're in primetime, buddy. JOHNNY- This isn't my show? DARIA- This is my show. JOHNNY- Wait a minute. Aren't you that teenager that was with those two sick teens, Beavis and Butt-Head? DARIA- Yes and not anymore. JOHNNY- You look different on TV. DARIA- Thank the animators. JOHNNY- I'm Johnny Bravo. DARIA- My mother told me not to talk to strangers that dress up like Johnny Quest. JOHNNY- I am not dressed like Johnny Quest. JANE- You do look like him, if he wasn't a steroid pumped idiot with the essence of Upchuck. JOHNNY- Who's Upchuck? JANE- Never mind. JOHNNY- Do you girls want to go out on a date with yours truly? DARIA- Have you ever heard of sexual harassment? JOHNNY- What's that? CARL- I know. (Johnny grabs Carl by the neck and throws him to the next town.) JOHNNY- Now where were we? DARIA- You leaving us alone. JOHNNY- Let's elope. DARIA- (To Camera.) I'm wasting animation talking to this idiot pervert, and we didn't do anything in this whole story. Can the writer of this story do something about this guy? (Ms. Barch enters.) JOHNNY- (Looking at Barch.) Who's the battle-ax? BARCH- What did you call me? JANE- (Smirks.) Uh-Oh. JOHNNY- Go away, grown. DARIA- This guy is harassing us, Ms. Barch. JOHNNY- I am not. BARCH- Shut up, geek, and prepare to die! (Barch grabs Johnny and beats the crap out of him in the way cartoon-styled fight scenes are used with a cloud of smoke.) JANE- Do you still want to see the movie, Daria? DARIA- (Smirks.) I think I'll stay here and watch the Barch/Bravo match end with you-know-who the winner. (Trent enters.) TRENT- What are you guys watching? JANE- Ms. Barch is kicking ass again. TRENT- Mr. DeMartino? JANE- Johnny Bravo. TRENT- Who's winning? (The fight cloud disappears as we see Ms. Barch standing on Johnny's twisted body.) BARCH- (To Johnny.) That will teach you not to mess with women with black belts, pervert! (Ms. Barch leaves, as Daria, Jane, and Trent stare at Johnny.) JOHNNY- (Doing an impersonation of the guy who got stuck in the spider web at the end of the original version of "The Fly.") Help me. TRENT- Want to go get some cold coffee drinks? JANE- What the hell. DARIA- Sure. (The three leave.) (Carl returns.) CARL- What happened to you, Johnny? JOHNNY- The Powerpuff Girls punched the living daylights out of me. What does it look like, pinhead? This hussy beat me to a pulp, and you're just standing there like the nerd you are! CARL- Don't worry, Johnny, I'll take you back home. While we're there, I'll let you look at my "Daria" video collection of all four seasons while I work on your back. (Laughs.) JOHNNY- (Screams.) NOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE END AUTHOR'S NOTE: This might be my last "Daria" fanfic for awhile. I plan on returning to writing them sometime during the year. I plan to write "The Haunting of Lawndale High" and "Babysitting the Brainchildren." Both will be crossovers with "Daria", "Dexter's Lab", and "Extreme Ghostbusters." You can expect another Daria/Beavis and Butt-Head story in the works as well. Right now I'm working on a Marvel/DC Comics crossover story that in still in production as we speak. I hope you enjoy this story as I of writing it. DARIA and other related characters are owned by MTV. JOHNNY BRAVO and other related characters are owned by Hanna-Barbara and Cartoon Network.