Author's Note: Daria and all of its characters are property of MTV/Viacom. This is fanfiction and no money was exchanged for this story. It is non-profit and written for fun.


Daria Goes to the Customs Office

by Doggieboy



Daria Morgendorffer walked up to the information desk of Philadelphia International Airport and waited for the short-haired blonde clerk to get off the telephone. Quinn owes me big time for this one, she thought and glanced at a nearby wall clock. Three-ten. Crap. Looks like I'll have to call Jane and cancel our pizza dinner.

The clerk hung up the phone, smiled at the young woman and said, "Hi! Can I help you?"

Definitely a people person, Daria thought and said, "Yes. I'm looking for the U.S. Customs office."

She listened patiently as the clerk gave her directions. "Thank you."

"Just part of the job," the blonde said. "Have a good day."

Daria walked through the airport and finally found the customs area, where a line of twenty people waited for the bored looking officers to do checks on their luggage. She looked around for a supervisor and saw one man in his mid-thirties standing behind the officers as he scanned the area.

When the man saw Daria make a beeline for him, he said to her, "You need to get to the end of the line, Miss."

"I was called by your office to pick up my sister," she said.

He stopped and asked, "Are you Miss Morgendorffer?"

Daria nodded.

"Come with me, please."

She followed the man to an unmarked door and they walked inside. The man closed the door behind them and led Daria down a hall to a door marked "Lounge."

Inside the room, twenty-year-old Quinn Morgendorffer sat, her face beet red and her arms tightly crossed over her chest.

Daria looked at the man and asked, "What happened? I know that Quinn went to Jamaica with her friends, but I have no idea why she's in trouble with your office."

"We caught her smuggling," he said.

The auburn-haired woman blinked and asked, "Smuggling what?"


Did I hear that right? she thought. "But breadfruit can be bought here in the states."

The man shrugged and nodded. "That's what confused us. Well, that, and where she hid the fruits."

Oh, this ought to be good, Daria thought. "Where did she hide the fruits?"

"Inside her bra."

She smirked and then bit her lower lip briefly to keep from laughing out loud. "Why didn't you just arrest her?"

"Daria!" Quinn said from her chair. "Just sign the papers and take me out of here!"

"We did search her."

Daria read once that customs could, by law, force any traveler to strip nude for a body cavity search, and bit her lower lip again.

"Did she have anything else hidden?" she asked.

The man then sighed and looked away from Quinn. "Yes. She had a banana inside her panties."

Daria lost control then and laughed harder than she ever had before. Quinn glared at her, but she paid no attention to that. The young woman covered her face with her left hand and held up her right hand until her laughter died down.

"Well, that was fun." She looked at Quinn. "You get me called here because you decide to smuggle basketballs inside your bra--"

"Breastfruit--I mean, breadfruit," the customs official said and suppressed a smile.

Daria smiled at him. I like your sense of humor. You may be kind of old, but I'd go out with you. "I'll have to remember that one," she said. "Thank you."

The man then smiled widely. "Glad to be of service."

Daria then turned to her sister. "Why didn't you stuff coconuts inside your bra cups? At least your boobs would look even bigger."

"Can we go home, Daria? I just want to get out of here."

The auburn-haired woman crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. "Not yet. I want to know why you had breadfruits inside your bra and a banana inside your panties. I deserve to know about that."

Quinn seemed to shrink in the chair.

"Come on, Quinn, spill it. You don't need to 'enhance' your boobs. You're 'built like a brick shithouse' as those morons in Highland used to say."

"You got that right," the customs official whispered.

"Sandi dared me to," Quinn said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"What?" both the official and Daria asked in unison.

"She made fun of me for playing it safe and I had to do something to make her stop."

"Where's Sandi and the others?" Daria asked.

"Probably in Lawndale by now," Quinn said, her voice disgusted. "I'll never be able to show my face there again."

Daria sighed, looked at the official and said, "Better let me sign the papers before I change my mind."

He led her to his desk, where she sighed five different forms and was given pink copies of them.

"She's all yours, Miss Morgendorffer."

Daria pulled a card out of her jacket pocket and handed it to him. "In case you have any other questions, feel free to call." She stared into his eyes and gave him a small smile.

The man blinked. "I'd like that," he said as he looked at the card and pocketed it.

Daria then turned to her younger sister and said, "Let's go."

As the two women walked down the hall, Quinn said, "Did you have to flirt with him? He made me strip naked! All those men looked at me the whole time!"

The older woman looked at her sister and smirked. "Your lucky he didn't have you arrested and charged with being stupid."





Author's Note: Thanks go out to those who read this tale and commented on it from the PPMB and

Those include Prince Charon, Steven Galloway, psychotol, brnleague99,ipswichfan, vlademir1, daky and a440.