Daria Gets Whacked By The Unknown (screw.you@gurlmail.com) Summary: In this crossover between Daria, and one of my comic strips called "The Wackies"; Daria, and Jane fall through a port hole into Wuffo High. Low down on the Wackies Coolsy: Calm, casual, deadpan. Wears shades, and a snowcap. X-Tremesy: Or X. A skater girl with a wide ass grin. She usually rips off people, and has an alter ego. X's alter ego: Wears all black, and kills people. Her trademark saying? Tee Hee Tee Hee. Oops. JarGirl: A girl crammed into a small jar. Has a tendency to cuss alot. Is an alcoholic. Shitsy: Coolsy's cousin. Looks evil, is evil. She is also the girlfriend of Freaksy. Freaksy: A natural Satan worshipper. Has a gothic look to him. His main goal is to burn down the school. The Hyper Nuts Hypersy: The leader of the two. Is annoying, and has a tendency to sing Songs that are way off key. Nutsy: Hypersy's sidekick. Is a little more sane than Hypersy, but not much. Jimminy Crickets: A boy/cricket. He's one of the Hyper Nuts friends. The Teachers. Mr. Fit: Hardly fit at all. He only likes the athletes that smile. Has been known to give student D's for not smiling during jumping jacks. Mr. Tech: The science teacher. Like Mr. O'Neil he can't be taken seriously. (Of course the alien antennas on his head help.) Miss No Structure: The band teacher at Wuffo High. Usually lets the Students have 47 minutes of free time; while she hides in her office. Mr. Art: The art teacher at Wuffo High. Has been known to take students art and screw it up. Coach Grump: The coach for Wuffo High. He also teaches Civics. He hates 5th hour with great force. Ms Pothead: The math teacher. Her head is shaped like that of a cigarette because of freak accident from her hippie days. Ms Pen: The Pre AP English teacher. Is lovable, and kind, but can't remember a name to save her life. Without further ado: "Daria Gets Whacked!" Authors note: Most of these scene are very short since they were taken from the comic strip of this. Oh and this is also a musical. Well, sorta. Scene 1: Show Coolsy, X, and Jar Girl walking down the hall. Coolsy: Man, nothing ever happens here. X: I know. (Enters a door way.) Well, see ya guys. Coolsy: See ya. JarGirl: Have fun. If that's possible. Scene 2: Show X, and some students in Coach Grump's class, 5th hour. Coach Grump: All right, problem 1-80 due today, dammit! All: AWWWWWW!!!!!! Coach Grump: 1-80 due today then you little shits!!! (30 minute later. Show X reading a problem.) X: Problem 800. Yoshitna has sex? HUH? (The bell rings. The students hand in whatever they have.) Scene 3: Show Coolsy, X, and JarGirl or JG staring at a port hole. Coolsy: Since when did we get a port hole? JG: Oooh! colors. X: Wonder what it's for? (as if on cue Daria, and Jane fall through.) Daria: Ow! where the hell are we? Coolsy: Welcome to Wuffo High. Can I take your order? X: Hey look this girls head looks like a mushroom. (meaning Jane) JG: Yeah! (X and JG start singing, and dancing wearing mushroom caps.) X and JG: All hail the mushroom head, the mushroom head. Say all hail the mushroom head... Jane: Shut Up! X: Sorry we just having fun. Daria: So where the hell are we? Coolsy: You're in Wuffo High. Who the hell are you? Daria: I'm Daria, and this is Jane. You? Coolsy: I'm Coolsy. This is X, and that thing in the Jar is JG. Jane: X? X: Yeah? Jane: What's up with that grin? X: Oh, plastic surgery. Coolsy: Come on, we need to go to PE. X: My tip Daria, Jane. Smile. Daria: Why? Do they torture the students who don't? JG: A lot worse. Jane: Hmm, PE are you guys doing running? Coolsy: No, volleyball. Jane: Hey, Daria, your favorite sport! Daria: Shove it up your ass, Jane. Scene 4: Show the 5 in P.E playing volley ball on the same team. On the other team are the Hyper Nuts, Jimminy Crickets, and two other students. The Hyper Nuts are of course laughing like little maniacs. Daria: Ummm, did two lunatics escape from the loony bin? X: Oh, yeah. (Yelling) Hey asswipes you ready? Hypersy: Yeah we're ready! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Nutsy: Come we can do it with the power of hyperness!! (The two then start jumping up and down like looneys; laughing their little asses off.) Daria: Geez what the hell do they eat? Pure sugar? Coolsy: Mostly. X: O.K I'm ready to serve! ( She serves the ball over the net. It sails gracefully through the air; Jimminy Crickets makes a daring leap in the air, and is about to spike the ball when..) CRASH! (He misses, and slams into the wall.) Jane: A little too high on the jump their Crickets. Jimminy: Ow! groan... chirp, chirp. X: Well, we didn't win. (Stuffs her ears with cotton.) Daria: Uh, what are you doing that for? X: all I have to say is. RUN!! (The Hyper Nuts start singing way off key.) Hyper Nuts: When you wish upon a STAR!!!!!!!!! (The five run out as fast as they can.) Scene 5: Mr. Tech's Science class. The teacher is giving a lesson about atoms. Half of the students are asleep.) Mr. Tech: As you can see the bowling ball in my hand is the nucleus, and the gum inside are the protons. Hey are any of you listening? Jane: No. Freaksy: Yeah, man your, lectures suck! I wanna burn this school! Daria: Is that the token Satan Worshipper? JG: Oh yeah. Song Mr. Tech: (Singing) When will you pay attention? Coolsy: When I love detention. Mr Tech: When will you take notes? Freaksy: Give me some sacrificial goats. Daria: Maybe we would pay attention if you were half-assed serious. Jane: Instead sticking gum up a damn ball's ass! Mr. Tech: All I want is for you to pay attention! JG: Tell you what. Mr Tech: What? JG: We'll pay attention when beer is allowed. Give me BEER! Jane: You go, Jar Girl! JarGirl: You think I'm kidding? I want beer!! End song. Mr. Tech: No. JarGirl: Die!!!! (She grabs a pair of scissors, and cuts him into shreds.) Daria: Does she do that to everyone who doesn't have beer? JarGirl: Hey, you try living in a jar, shithead. Coolsy: Here, JarGirl, here's a beer. JarGirl: Thanx! Scene 6: Show the five in Miss No Structure's band class. Daria: Umm, shouldn't you get your instruments out? X: Nope. Miss No Structure: O.K., we have a concert in two days. Practice at home. You get 47 minutes of free time! Bye-bye! (She runs into her office.) Coolsy: I've said it before, I'll say it again. Nice structure! X: I know. Look who's here? Jane: It better not be the Lunatics. JarGirl: Oh, yes, it's them. Hypersy: Come on, Nutsy, let's go throw cymbals around. HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! Nutsy: O.K. (The two start throwing the cymbals like Frisbees.) Daria: Well, I guess I'll read. Coolsy: Not a good idea. Jane: Why? X: DUCK! Daria: Huh? (A cymbal whizzes by her head, barely missing.) Jane: So, you guys kill each other in band? Coolsy: Oh, yeah! JarGirl: Come! We're playing break the instruments! Daria: Oh, brother. Scene 7: Show the five in art class. They are watching Shitsy making a skull out of clay. Jane: I got to admit, that is pretty good. Shitsy: Thanks! Mr. Art: Shitsy I've decided that with a little paint we can make it more cheery. Shitsy: Burn in hell. Mr. Art: That thing is so evil. Jane: But it is a work of art! Shitsy: Yeah! You fuck knocker! Mr Art: So should we paint it blue or pink? Song Shitsy: You really can't get it through your head. Jane: Something that is easy to see. Daria: That thing is a work of art. X: So please don't screw it up! Coolsy: You've been known to take our art. Shitsy: and make it shit. Jane: Leave our art alone. Daria: Don't tamper with the art. Shitsy: Every piece, that I have made. JG: You've fucked it up. Coolsy: By painting it pink. X: And making it (Squeaks) UPBEAT! Daria: Ugh I'm gonna be sick. Shitsy: So don't screw up my AAARRRTTT!!!!!!! End of song. Mr. Art: Purple or green? Shitsy: I'll take it home myself! Shit fucker. Scene 8: Show The 5 in Ms Potheads class. Her head is shaped like that of a cigarette. Plus she has 20 cigarettes crammed in her mouth. Jane: What happened to her? Ms Pothead: Phwp heup wuyp ph-pwoos phwis! (Translation. Get bent, you little ass wipes!) Daria: Huh? Coolsy: Guess I better explain. (Fade to flash back of Ms Pothead in her hippie days. She looks normal.) Coolsy (Narrating) You see she used be a drug hippie. Ms Pothead: Drugs! Coolsy: Will one time something strange happened. They had to rush her to the hospital. There, they accidently put a drug in her called Smoker Head. Since then, she hasn't been able to talk right, and has to have nicotine all the time. (Back to present) Jane: God. Can't breathe. X: Here, wear this gas mask. Ms Pothead: Phwo Thye Fshu! (Oh shut up!) Scene 9: Show the five in the hall way. The Hyper Nuts are screaming down The halls laughing like maniacs. Then a girl who looks similar to X wearing all black whips out a scythe. She slices them as they run past her. Evil X: Tee hee. Tee hee. Ooops. Daria: Well, guess we don't have to worry about them any more. Jane: That's for sure. JarGirl: Next stop. X: Ms Pen's class.. Scene 10: The five are in Ms Pens class. Ms Pen: O.K., get in circles class. It's descussion time. Flumsy, it's your turn to read a question today. Normsy: My name is Normsy. Ms Pen: Oh. I'm sorry. Song. Coolsy: Here's the thing I don't get. X: You can't remember a name to save your life. Ms Pen: Oh I could probably name your. JarGirl: Try it. Ms Pen: S, Schoozy, and Bar Flirl. Daria: Oh boy you are wrong! X: My name is X. Short for X-Tremesy Skatescrewing Vantreme. Coolsy: My name is Coolsy. Call me Schoozy and you die! JarGirl: My name is JarGirl: Sure as hell isn't Bar Flirl. Jane: My name is Jane. Ms Pen: Hi Jen. Daria: She said her name was Jane. Jane: Lane. Ms Pen: Will which is it? Daria: That's her last name. Coolsy: Can you remember a name? X: No. She can't. Daria: Even if she tried? Coolsy: No she can't. X: Remember a name. JarGirl: To save her life. All: If she does remember. We'll watch out for the Eastern light, and the Sound of trumpets. End Song. X: Come on, class is over. Scene 11: Show the five at the port hole. Coolsy: Well, guess you have to go. JarGirl: I'll miss you, Jane. Jane: Aww. Here's some beer. JarGirl: Thanks! Daria: We'll see ya. X: Bye-bye. (The port hole suck them back up. Jane, and Daria are spinning through time. Then..) Daria: (Wakes up with a jolt.) It was just a dream. (She sees JarGirl on The dresser.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The End. Authors Notes. If you're thinking this story is unrealistic you are partially wrong. I swear this stuff happens at my school. First the Hyper Nuts who are based on two popular girls at my school; are very hyper, and sing songs way off key. Jimminy Crickets is based on a boy at my school who the two girls have Called him that, because he does look like a cricket. The song, "When You Wish Upon a Star", was from "Pinnochio", which had the character Jimminy Cricket in there. Then we go to the teachers. My P.E teacher has been known to give D's to students who don't smile. My science teacher tries to explain stuff to get it stuck in our heads, but when he talks about gum and bowling balls we just don't listen. The band teacher really, honest to God, gives us free time while she hides in her office. The art teacher will screw up your art if he doesn't like it. The civics teacher really does hate 5th hour. (The class I have.) My math teacher is very hyperactive. Thus giving the idea that she did do drugs in her hippy days. My English teacher really isn't like Ms Pen in real life. I also know that this isn't one of the Jane tragic stories, but I had to get this off my chest. Also you will not see my trademark ending with the Wackies since this story was full of them. Will guess I'll go.