Daria Deathmatch

Section: Crossover/ Parodies-Celebrity Deathmatch/ Daria

Description: Jodie Vs. Brittany, Stacy Vs. Tiffany Vs. Daria Vs. Jane, and Sandi Vs. Quinn

Author's Note: In this story The Chris and H.I.A.H.B Series had never happened.

It's just a regular day at Lawndale High Daria and Jane are walking down the hall when they notice a sign it says, "The Deathmatch comes to Lawndale."

Daria: Look a sign up sheet.

Jane: What is it for?

Daria bends down and reads it.

Daria: Well it basically states who ever sins up can fight to the Deathmatch with a person at random who has signed up.

Jane: Who has signed up?

Daria: Whoa, you won't believe who has signed up.

Jane: Who tell me?

Daria: Jodie, Brittany, and The Fashion Club.

Jane: Cool so let me get this straight you get picked at random to fight someone who has signed up.

Daria: Yea.

Jane: Hand me a pen.

Daria hands Jane a pen and she jots down her name.

Daria: You're actually going to do this.

Jane: Why not.

Daria: Because what if you get paired up to fight me.

Jane: But your name's not on... Oh.

Daria grabs the pen from Jane and writes down her name. Just then Quinn walks over to them.

Quinn: Daria what are you doing here?

Daria: This is where I go to school.

Quinn: What's that.

Jane: Living proof you want to kill someone. I think it's based off Celebrity Deathmatch.

Quinn: Ewwwwwww that's so old times who would want to get their clothes all bloody.

Daria: From what it says here you do.

Quinn: What let me see that.

Quinn shoves Daria to the side and sees her name.

Quinn: That's not fair I didn't sign that.

Daria: Don't worry I'll bring your Fashion crap to the funeral.

Jane: Where is this going to be anyway.

Just as she asked that, Ms. Li popped up from out of nowhere.

Jane: Whoa how'd you get here?

Ms. Li: I'm very sneaky young lady. Anyway tickets have already been sold out and it's in the gym on Sunday at 8:00pm.

Quinn: But I don't want to fight.

Daria: Get over it.

As this is happening the rest of The Fashion Club walks down the hall.

Sandi: Hello Quinn why are you talking to your weird cousin.

Quinn: I've got more important things to worry about someone signed our names for this Deathmatch.

Sandi: Gee Quinn, I wonder who it could be?

Quinn: You bitch why'd you do it?

Sandi: Give us something to do.

Sunday rolls around and it is about 7:00pm and all the fighters are in the locker room and Ms. Li is waiting for them.

Ms. Li: I've already picked out the names at random and the 1st fight will be between Jodie and Brittany, 2nd since there are since there so many fighters it is a four-way between Jane, Daria, Tiffany, and Stacy, and last but not least it will be Quinn and Sandi.

Daria: OMG I've got to fight Jane.

Cut To: The announcer booth with Nick Diamond and Johnny Gomez.

Nick: Hi I'm Nick Diamond.

Johnny: And I'm Johnny Gomez.

Nick: And this is Celebrity Deathmatch.

Johnny: Tonight we have a full gym of students and people. Our 1st fight will be between Jodie Landon and Brittany Taylor. Our next fight is a four-way between Daria Morgendorffer, Jane Lane, Stacy Rowe, and Tiffany Blum-Decker. Our last fight of the evening is between Quinn Morgendorffer and Sandi Griffin.

Nick: And isn't that Quinn a looker?

Johnny: Nick, your mike was on.

Nick: Uh oh. Anyway lets start the fights. Ok our two fights have entered the ring.

Johnny: In the blue corner Jodie Landon-Mack's Steady Date. Does everything by the book and returns it to the library on time. And in the red corner Brittany Taylor-Kevin's main squeeze sugar and spice and Cosmo advice.

Mills Lane: Ok girls I want a good clean fight now... Lets get it on.

Brittany starts twirling her hair.

Brittany: Jodie, why did ask me to sign up for this?

Jodie: Because I'm sick of your idiotic behavior.

Jodie pounces on Brittany and starts beating her ass.

Cut To: Locker room with Daria and Jane.

Daria: 5 bucks says Brittany lives for 2 more minutes.

Jane: I give her 1.

Daria: All right I'll take that bet.

Cut To: Ring.

Jodie is just about to smash Brittany's face into the turnbuckle. Brittany suddenly counters and kicks a hole through Jodie chest. Jodie holds the wound and falls to the ground.

Brittany: I may be a dumb blonde but I'll kick your ass in a fight.

Brittany brings her foot up and smashes Jodie's head in. Mills Lane walks to Brittany and raises her hand.

Mills Lane: Brittany is the winner.

Cut To: Locker room.

Daria: Who wins that bet?

Jane: Lets say it was a draw.

Cut To: Announcer's booth.

Nick: Wow I know that blonde is one you don't want to piss off.

Johnny: Yes Nick but time for our 2nd bout. We now have a 4 way between Daria Morgendorffer-Born alienated the world is my oyster but I can't seem to get it open. Next is Jane Lane-Artiste extraordinaire and pizza fiend believes paint-by-number kits are inherently evil. 3rd Stacy Rowe-Shows her navel says nothing novel. Last and probably least Tiffany Blum-Decker-Purse on her shoulder little on her mind.

Mills Lane: Ok girls I want a good clean fight lets get it on.

Daria: Jane, Lets not beat each other to death until the Fashion fiends are dead.

Jane: Agreed.

Daria and Jane walk over to Tiffany and Stacy. The four start fighting Daria grabs Tiffany by the hair and knees her until she spits up blood. Jane instantly grabs Stacy and slams her head through a turnbuckle. Daria done kneeing Tiffany picks her up by the throat and hurls her across the ring. Daria walks over to her but Jane moves Daria to the side.

Jane: I got this.

Jane picks up Tiffany and tosses her over the ropes. Jane jumps over them but Tiffany hits her in the face with a chair. Tiffany grabs Jane's head and slices it in face over the ringside bars.

Mills Lane: I'll allow it.

Daria: Holy shit I didn't know Tiffany could fight.

Tiffany grabs the chair and jumps back into the ring. She runs at Daria going for a chair shot but misses and the chair bounces off the ropes and smashes the top of Tiffany's head all over the chair.

Cut To: The locker room with Quinn and Sandi.

Quinn and Sandi: Ewwwwwww.

Cut To: Ring.

Mills Lane raises Daria's arm.

Mills Lane: Daria is the winner.

Johnny: That was one hell of a fight.

Nick: Now, for our main event, Quinn Morgendorffer against Sandi Griffin. Morgendorffer is she related to Daria?

Johnny: Yes I think she is. I have word Stacy Cornbread has got an interview with Quinn lets see it.

Stacy C: Hi Nick and Johnny, I'm here with Quinn Morgendorffer. So Quinn what is your relation to Daria?

Quinn: Uh... there is no relation.

Daria walks into the locker room.

Daria: Now sis, what have Mom and Dad said about denying your family relatives.

Quinn: Shut up Daria, I'm going to kill you.

Daria: I'll meet you in the ring.

Sandi: But I'm fighting her.

Daria: It's a triple threat.

Stacy C: Well you heard it here. Daria is fighting in the last match.

Cut To: Ring.

Nick: Entering first, Daria. Our next fighter Quinn Morgendorffer-How lucky can I get-to have such an attractive and popular younger sister? Pass the drain cleaner please. Our last fighter Sandi Griffin-Her voice is deep her thoughts are not.

Mills Lane: I want a good clean fight lets get it on.

The fight starts off by Daria giving Sandi a clothesline. Sandi gets up but Quinn spin kicks her in the face. Daria puts Quinn in a headlock and slams her through the ring. Sandi drop kicks Daria and she falls in the hole Quinn had left. Sandi raised her hands.

Sandi: I win I'm so great and so beautiful. HaHa no one can beat me.

While Sandi is doing her victory dance Quinn crawls out from the hole in the ring. She turns Sandi around and punches her in the face. Sandi falls backwards. Quinn pulls her up from the hair she then grabs her and hurls her over the top rope onto the floor. Quinn pulls a lead pipe out from under the ring. Sandi gets up and Quinn hits her across the face. Quinn goes for the final blow but Sandi grabs it out of Quinn's hand and smashes her shoulder open.

Sandi: I'm so sick of you. Everyone likes you. No one likes me. This is why I'm going to kill you.

Sandi repeatedly is smashing Quinn arm. She brings it up for the fatal hit but Daria has come out from the ring and grabs it from her. Sandi turns around and Daria shoves the lead pipe through her throat. Sandi drops to the ground motionless. Daria walks over to Quinn and picks her up.

Daria: Are you ok?

Quinn: Hey.

Daria: Good.

Daria punches Quinn in the face. Quinn tackles Daria. Daria throws her off. The two girls get up and run at each other for a clothesline. Quinn ducks Daria's clothesline but her clothesline hits and decapitates Daria. Mills Lane walks up to Quinn and raises her arm.

Mills Lane: Quinn is the winner.

Quinn: I won.

Nick: Now that was one hell of a fight.

Then a loud buzzer fills the arena. Quinn suddenly wakes up. She turns the alarm off.

Quinn: What a wonderful dream.

Daria walks by Quinn's door.

Daria: Hey time for school.

The End

*- All the description of the characters are from "The Daria Dairies".