Cluck Like A Chicken

"...and open your eyes."

Timothy O'Neill opened his eyes, smiled, and leaned back in his chair with a casual ease that visibly unnerved everyone in the crowded LHS auditorium as he let his eyes wander across the area. "Yeah, y'all ain't trying to punk a brother like a bitch all up in this house," he said, the accent he had perfectly matching someone from the South Side of Chicago. "Now, I ain't down with all this jailbait you got running around - but you can call me when you turn eighteen-"

"Dude! Not cool!" Kevin Thompson shouted, as Brittany Taylor gave off a shocked 'hmpf!' and stormed out of the room; O'Neill leapt to his feet and shot him a look of total contempt.

"Look what you did, you punk-ass redneck bitch!" he snarled, shocking everyone there with the sheer volume of his voice. "Sit down and shut your monkey ass up before I break my Air Jordans off in your shit and use a shoe spoon to dig it out!"

O'Neill's eyes fell upon Janet Barch, who was standing just off-stage, and was watching with a look of absolute horror in her eyes. "Oh, HELL no!" he exclaimed, letting his eyes run over Barch in a way that instantly made her see red. "Ooooh, damn, white girl - you's THICK! Got it up front, got it in back - why don't you sail that boatload of sexy bitch up here to the Port of O'neill, cause you damn sure got a full supply of what I got a demand for!"

Surrounded by a dumbstruck audience, Daria shrugged as she watched Barch sprint across the stage to beat the cowboy hell out of O'Neill. "He should have just clucked like a chicken."

Jane Lane shook her head in disagreement. "He should have gotten the cluck out of here."




5 February 2010