Celebrity Jeopardy: Daria Edition

Episode 3: “You Taste Of Bun”

 

by Derek, Angelboy, Richard Lobinske, and nmorgendorffer

 

Legal “anal bum cover”: Daria and all associated characters are property of MTV/Viacom.   Saturday Night Live is property of NBC.  Neither is used with any permission whatsoever.  What are you going to do, sue us? (Just kidding!)

Notes: Thanks to Angelboy, Richard Lobinske, and nmorgendorffer (aka Natalie) for volunteering to do this fic with me.

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[ Scene opens on the Celebrity Jeopardy set.  Derek is the host, and Richard Lobinske, Natalie, and Angelboy (in order from closest to the host to farthest) are the contestants. ]

Derek: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy: Daria Edition. We've got quite a thriller this week, as everyone actually has a positive point value.  In third place, with $3.14159 - how he got that I have no idea - is Angelboy.

Angelboy: We meet again, Trebitch.

Derek: How unfortunate.  In second place, with $20, is Natalie.

Natalie: [ smiles and says nothing ]

Derek: Nothing to say?  Not a bad idea on this show.  Finally, in first place with an incredibly high total of $23, is Richard Lobinske.

Richard: Yay!

Angelboy: He’s bugged I tells ya!

Derek: Well, he is “The Bug Guy” after all.

Richard: So I brought a few friends with me for moral support.

Angelboy: I guess we can all bug out then.

Derek: Ha ha.  Let’s get started.  The categories are: Potent Potables; Colors; Garbage Garage Bands; Daria Fanfic Mary Sues; You Taste Of Bun - shut it, Angelboy.

Angelboy: Sorry, but if you showered more, maybe you’d taste different.

Derek: [ pauses for a moment] Like you would know.  Moving on: Locations in Lawndale; and Testing Bicycles.  Richard, you’re in the lead, so you get to pick the first category.

Richard: I’ll try Daria Fanfic Mary Sues for $200.

Derek: Alright.  The question is: This fanfic Mary Sue is Daria’s boyfriend in the “Falling Into College” series. [ Richard dings in ] Richard.

Richard: Who is John Lane?

Derek: No.  That’s her boyfriend in the “John Lane” series.

Richard: Dammit!

Derek: Someone else? [ Angelboy dings in ] Angelboy.

Angelboy: Who is Michael Mackenzie? [ Richard chuckles at this ]

Derek: Half-right, but still wrong.  Natalie, would you care to take a guess? [ Angelboy buzzes in ] You already answered.

Angelboy: No I didn’t.  [ Natalie dings in ]

Derek: [ to Angelboy ] Yes you did. [ to Natalie ] Natalie.

Natalie: Michael?

Derek: I need a last name as well.

Natalie: Uh, Landon?  No, Keaton!

Derek: Wrong.  The correct answer is “Michael Fulton”.

Richard: Aww, man! [ Angelboy dings in ]

Derek: What is it, Angelboy?

Richard: He’s a bit dingy today, isn’t he?

Natalie: Why is he dinging?

Richard: He’s related to Rita and is thus a little dingy.

Angelboy: I think my buzzer’s busted.

Natalie: I told you not to sit on it!

Derek: Not the busted buzzer again!  Richard, I can’t believe you got a question about your own series wrong. [ thinks for a moment ] Actually, you’re here, so I guess I can believe it.

Richard: It has nothing to do with the chemicals! Nothing at all, I tell you!

Natalie: It’s the bugs.  He has a huge yard.

Angelboy: He is a bit buggy...

Derek:  Uh huh.  Anyway, Richard, you’re still in the lead, so you get to pick another category.

Richard: Okay, Lawndale Locations for $200.

Derek: The question is: Daria and Jane go to school here.  [ Richard dings in ]

Richard: Uh... what is Laaaawndale Hiiigh?

Derek: Incredible.  A correct answer.  Natalie, would you like to pick a category?

Natalie: Yes!  You Taste Of Bun!

Derek: For how much?

Natalie: $800.

Derek: The question is: Do you taste of bun?

Natalie: Do you?

Derek: [ looks startled at being asked this ] Um, that’s confidential.  [ Angelboy dings in ] Angelboy.

Angelboy: Actually, Trebitch, she tastes of salt.  You, on the other hand, lack taste of any sort.

Derek: You’re right, Angelboy, I do lack taste: I keep letting you appear on my show.

Natalie: What kind of bun?

Derek: It doesn’t matter what kind of bun it is.

Natalie: Sure it does.

Derek: Does anyone have an answer besides Angelboy?

Natalie: He tastes of rancid bun.

Derek: I believe you’re correct on that one. [ timeout buzzer sounds ] You all managed to get a yes or no question wrong.  Absolutely pathetic. [ everyone starts dinging in repeatedly ] What?

Angelboy: Our buzzers are broken.

Derek: [ groans ] Let’s just move on to Final Jeopardy.  The category is: Relatives.  And the question is: Name one of Daria’s aunts.  [ Jeopardy music plays while the contestants write down their answers and wagers ] This oughta be pretty simple.  Just write down the name of one of Daria’s aunts.  [ music ends ] Time’s up.  Let’s see what wrong answers you put down for this.  Richard, you wrote: [ screen shows Jake’s unnamed older sister] Jake’s unnamed older sister.  Who’s never been mentioned in the Daria canon.

Richard: But Glenn Eichler mentioned her in the interview!

Derek: That doesn’t count in my book.  And you wagered: [ screen shows $6.02 x 10 23 below Richard’s answer ] Avogadro’s Number.  How molar of you.  Moving on, Natalie wrote: [ screen shows Rita] Rita.  That’s correct.  Rita is one of Daria’s aunts.  I think we have a winner here.  And you wagered: [ screen shows $10,000 below Natalie’s answer ] $10,000.  Not as big a dreamer as Richard, but that’s an amount we can actually award.  And for the sake of tradition, let’s see what Angelboy wrote: [ screen shows Amy Barksdale] Amy Barksdale.  Also correct.  Amy is Daria’s other aunt.  And you wagered: [kicked Derek’s ass and I have the photos to prove it appears below Angelboy’s answer ] Dammit!  I thought that was a secret!  [ Angelboy laughs ] Since Angelboy is trying to blackmail me, I’m declaring Natalie to be our winner.  Goodnight.

Angelboy: Who said anything about blackmail?  I’m posting them online.

Derek: Son of a b*tch!

Angelboy: [ chuckles ] Go to Derekgotowned.gamerspage.net folks.  We also have audio.

Derek: Arrgghh!

[ fadeout ]

 

 

 

 

Out-takes
This scene didn’t really fit into the rest of the show, but I thought it was too funny to completely discard.

[ Natalie buzzes in ]

Derek: What?

Natalie: I wanted to see how it sounded.

Richard: Like a newly hatched mosquito with just a hint of housefly.

[ Natalie buzzes in again ]

Richard: Now that sounded like a dragonfly with an undertone of wasp.

Natalie: I like the buzz.  [ she buzzes in yet again ]

Richard: It has a beat and you can dance to it.