Author's Note: Daria Morgendorffer and her fellow characters from Daria are owned by MTV/Viacom. The same is true of Beavis and any other characters from Beavis and Butt-Head. Any other characters in this story are the property of Doggieboy. This is fan fiction and no money or other items of value have been exchanged for this story.

Daria laid in the feather bed and sighed under the covers. She hadn't rested like this in a long time. Then she heard the familiar sound of spurs outside the door and tensed as Beavis opened the door and walked in.

He tossed a folded up Confederate uniform on the bed near her head and said, "It's time to get your lazy ass up, Auburn. The padres say that you're all healed and that gold is waiting for us to get it."

She turned over and looked up at him. "Such compassion," she said, her voice a monotone.

Beavis grabbed the covers and said, "Get up or I'll rip the covers off of you."

Suddenly, he found himself facing a cocked revolver. "You pull these covers off of me, Beavis, and I'll start shooting 'unnecessary' parts off of your body."

He stood still and stared at the pistol. "What unnecessary parts?" he asked, nervously.

She gave him a small smile and pulled the quilt up to her neck. "That's for me to decide," she said. "Step out and I'll get dressed." She looked at the uniform. "Where's my other clothes?"

"The priests threw them away," he said. "Said that they were all messed up, anyway." He pointed to the Confederate uniform he wore. "I, uh, figured that we'd get around better in uniform."

"Canby and his men are on the move through this area," she pointed out as she stared at the gray uniform.

"Oh, don't worry, Auburn, they aren't around here."

Just then, a priest walked in and said, "Sir, Father David is back."

"I'll wait for you outside," Beavis said, "then we'll see my brother."

"Your brother?" she asked. "You have a brother?"

Beavis blushed and nodded. "Uh, yeah. He's a priest here."

Daria rolled her eyes. "Oh, this ought to be interesting," she said as he left the room. She got out of bed and got dressed.

**********

Daria and Beavis walked together down the mission hall to the door marked "Fr. David" and he knocked on it. Without waiting for a reply, he opened it and walked in. Inside the room, a man in a plain brown monk's gown turned to face him He had shoulder-length straight blond hair, a thin mustache and beard; he wore small-lensed wire-rimmed glasses. He looked at the gunfighter and said, "Beavis."

"You remember me, huh, David?" the gunfighter said. "Heh, heh. I knew you would."

"Of course, I remember you," the priest said. "Unlike some people, I remember my family."

Daria felt the heavy sarcasm in the man's voice and it wasn't even directed at her. She looked at Beavis, who seemed totally clueless to it.

"It's, uh, been awhile, hasn't it?" Beavis asked.

Father David nodded. "Five years." He looked at Daria and raised his eyebrows. "And who might you be?" he asked, his tone a question as to their relationship.

"Beavis and I are business partners," she said quickly. "Nothing more."

A small smile crossed his face and he nodded. "Very well."

"Uh," Beavis said. "How are Dad and Mom?"

Father David turned to Beavis and shook his head sadly. "Father died three years ago," he said. "If you had been home any time in the last five years, you would have known that."

Beavis had a shocked look on his face. "Uh, I, uh, didn't know."

"Mother died last week. That's where I've been for the last two weeks."

"Oh, man," Beavis said.

"What's past is past, Beavis," Father David said. "However, Mother knew that I'd see you soon and gave me something good for you."

A look of horror appeared on the gunfighter's face then. "NO!" he yelled. "You keep it, assmunch! I don't want it."

Father David turned to Daria, who seemed amused by her partner's reaction. "Since you and Beavis are business partners, I'll need your help with this."

"Oh?" she asked warily. "With what?"

The priest motioned to two tall grass sacks behind him. "Mother knows that Beavis eats the wrong things and she had me clean out her garden for him to eat."

"I don't want it!" Beavis yelled. "I hate it! That stuff sucks! You eat it!"

Father David turned to Beavis and shook his head. "Really, Beavis, there's lettuce, turnips, onions, arugula, alfafa sprouts and beans in here. They're much better for your body than that candy, nachos and root beer." He turned to Daria. "Can you make sure that he eats all of this? I would really appreciate it."

Daria smiled. "Sure," she said. "I'll make certain of it."

"NO! I'll kick both of your asses!" He looked as Daria drew her pistol and smiled at him.

"Time for lunch, Beavis," she said.

***********

It was nearly eight hours later when Beavis and Daria rode away from the mission. They said nothing for the first couple hours of their ride. Then Daria said, "You have a nice brother. I expected much worse, considering what you're like."

"Shut up," Beavis said. "Why'd you hold your gun on me back there?"

"Time was wasting and you wouldn't eat."

"I hate that crap! What's wrong with nachos?"

Daria didn't answer, but squinted at the distance. "Bunch of riders headed our way. A whole bunch. Look at the dust they're raising."

Beavis looked ahead and squinted himself. "Heh, I see them. They're a Reb unit, cause they're all in gray."

"I'm not so sure," Daria muttered.

"Trust me, 'Auburn'. I know Rebs when I see them." He took off his hat. "Hooray!" he yelled. "Hooray for General..."

"Lee," Daria said.

"Lee! Down with General..."

"Grant."

"Yeah! Down with General Grant! Hooray for the South!"

The riders stopped in front of them and the lead officer stared at them. He had a high forehead and dark hair, but not much of a chin. He took the reins of his horse and beat his gray left sleeve.

Beavis and Daria watched in horror as dust flew off what was a blue Union uniform.

"Uh, oh," Beavis said.

"You dumbass!" Daria whispered and covered her eyes.

The Union officer smiled at them. "Heh, heh, heh. You Rebs suck. Heh, heh."

**********

Several hours later, Beavis and Daria were in a column of Rebel prisoners as they were marched towards a recently built prison camp. They were chained together, by the ankles and the march was slow. "Where are we at?" He whispered to Daria.

"I think we're near Amarillo," she whispered back. "That's where the train let us out."

"Silence in the ranks!" a Union sergeant yelled.

The prisoners marched over a bridge and into a fenced-in compound. Beavis looked around carefully and his eyes widened as he looked at one Union sergeant who stood on a porch. "'Auburn', look!" he whispered quickly. "Over there! It's Angel-lips!"

Daria saw Sandi then and felt her mouth dry up. That's not a good sign, she thought.

The prisoners were placed in a loose formation and a big built heavy corporal stood before them. He opened a paper and said loudly, "When I call your name, yell 'Here!'"

The roll call proceeded in an orderly and calm fashion, until the corporal yelled out, "Charles Ruttheimer!" and got no answer.

On one of the porches, Sandi Griffin stood, a Union sergeant's uniform on her. Truth to tell, she would have rather worn something a little lighter in color, but sometimes, sacrifices had to be made. When she heard the name 'Charles Ruttheimer' announced, she looked intently at the newly arrived prisoners. She saw Beavis and Daria and smiled wryly. "Now that's interesting," she said.

The corporal yelled Ruttheimer's name several times, and finally asked, "What the hell is he doing? Sleeping? Charles Ruttheimer!"

Daria elbowed Beavis and said, "I think you'd better be Charles Ruttheimer."

"Oh! Yeah!" Beavis said and moved forward several inches. "That's me! I'm Ruttheimer!"

The heavy corporal moved in front of him and smiled gently. "Please, Ruttheimer. Say 'Here'." Then he quickly punched Beavis in the belly and knocked him to his knees. "Before I beat you half to death!"

Beavis caught his breath and looked up at the corporal. "I like fat men like you," he said. "When they fall down, they go 'splat'. Heh, heh, heh!"

The corporal grabbed Beavis by his shirt and started to punch him when Sandi walked up.

"Corporal Sherman!" He looked at her and lowered his fist. She motioned towards Beavis and Daria and said, "Make sure that these two get special treatment."

The corporal released Beavis and Daria helped back to his feet.

"See, 'Auburn'. Angel-lips is going to take care of us."

Yeah, Daria thought as she watched Sandi walk back toward the office building. That's what worries me.

**********

Sandi walked into the commanding officer's building and said, "Like, you wanted to see me, sir?"

A man who wore the uniform of a Union captain, laid in a bed near a window. He was tall, thin and had dark hair with a small beard. His left leg was bandaged and a crutch was propped up near his bed. He held a guitar in his hands and played a chord.

"I've told you before, Sergeant," he said, his voice mellow. "Like, be cool, you know?"

This is what happens when you have too much peyote, she thought and rolled her eyes. "Huh?"

"Don't beat the prisoners, Sergeant," he said. "Don't rob them, either. That's just not right."

"Is that an accusation, sir?"

"I may be...relaxed, but that doesn't make me blind, Sergeant."

"We have hundreds of prisoners and only a handful of guards," she pointed out. "We must have a show of force to get their respect."

"Whoa," the captain said. "You're right. We must have a show. I'll get some other guys I know and we'll put on a show." He played a few chords.

Sandi winced at the screech of the guitar. "Is that all, sir?"

"Yeah," the captain said. "I need to practice."

You should be ready in about ten years, she thought and left the captain alone with his guitar.

**********

Beavis was rudely shoved in the office and the door was quickly shut behind him. He turned to protest, but stopped and turned back when he saw a dinner table set up in front of him. There were three different pizzas, a plate full of fried chicken, a large platter full of French-fried potatoes, nachos, burritos and tacos. His eyes widened and he rubbed his hands in anticipation. "Ahhh!" he sighed, his mouth drooling. "Food!"

"Hello, Beavis," Sandi said from the back of the room and he jumped. She stood in her usual pose: her chest thrust out and her left hand on her hip. "Been awhile, hasn't it?"

"Uh," the gunfighter said and he looked over his counterpart slowly. "Yeah, it has. I think it was San Antonio, before the war." He licked his lips and his gaze alternated between the food and Sandi.

She smiled and moved towards the table. "Have a seat, Beavis," she said. "Like, have some food."

Beavis quickly jumped into the nearest chair and filled a plate with pizza slices and fries. "I told Auburn that you would take care of us," he said and crammed food into his mouth.

Sandi held in her grimace and widened her smile instead. Disgusting pig! "So she still hasn't told you her name, has she?"

"No, heh, heh, heh," Beavis said. "Who cares? She's not as beautiful as you are."

"So true," she said and held up a bottle of wine. "Some wine?"

"Yes!" he said quickly and rubbed his hands again. She filled a goblet with red wine and he took it in his hand. "Someone told me that wine is good for the digestion, I think."

"Yes, it is," she said and opened a window. She looked outside and nodded. The sound of a men's choir could be heard then. "So is music, you know."

He grabbed a chicken leg and gnawed on it as Sandi watched in amusement.

After he gulped down the wine in the goblet, Sandi refilled it and said, "When you and 'Auburn' were captured, you told the soldiers that your name was Charles Ruttheimer."

Beavis was suddenly alert and looked at her warily, but still ate.

She looked over her wine glass and took a light sip. "Why did you choose the name Charles Ruttheimer?"

"Oh, I don't know," he lied. "One name is as good as another, you know?" He laughed. "After all, I bet they don't call you Sergeant Angel-lips, do they?" He laughed at his joke even more.

Sandi's face flushed and she forced herself to calm down. "No. They do not."

Corporal Sherman quietly came in the office behind Beavis and quietly shut the door. The youth still ate like a glutton and didn't hear the soldier enter the room.

She pulled a tin out of her breast pocket. "Like, this tin of mints belongs to Charles Ruttheimer," she said and opened it. "So, if you're, like, Charles Ruttheimer, then it's yours, isn't it, Beavis?" She smiled at him and locked her gaze on his. "Go ahead and eat a mint."

Beavis reached into the tin and Sandi quickly closed it on his fingers. At the same time, she slammed her other hand on his free hand and held him in place.

"YEEEOWWWW!" he screamed.

**********

Daria stood outside, still in formation as the choir sang some sad song she didn't know. She kept looking towards the building where Beavis was taken. She thought that she had heard a muffled scream or two, but couldn't be sure.

"Your friend is in for a real rough time," a blonde next to her said. She idly twirled a strand of her hair in her fingers, but stared ahead. "Corporal Sherman is really mean. He loves to hurt people. He's hurt a lot of us here. Bad."

Daria noticed the blonde's vacant, haunted look and shuddered.

***********

Sherman threw Beavis onto the table and rammed his fist into the young gunfighter's belly. The youth screamed out and tried to fight back but the bulky Union soldier easily slapped aside his hands.

"Like, Beavis," Sandi asked, "how's your digestion now?"

"Uhhh!" he grunted and took a couple of deep breaths.

"Now what about that gold box?" she asked. "Where is it?"

The beaten youth groaned and closed his eyes, then shrieked as Sherman rammed his fist into his groin. After a few seconds, tears ran from his eyes and he cried. "No more!" he gasped in between sobs. "No-no more. I'll talk. I'll talk."

"Where's the gold box?" Sandi asked again.

"It's buried in Happy Valley Cemetery," he said, his voice nearly a croak.

"O.K., Beavis, that's a good start," she said. "Now, what grave is it buried in?"

Beavis sobbed and cried as he said, "I don't know. I swear to you I don't know." He took several deep breaths as Sherman prepared to hit him again. "Auburn. Auburn knows the name of the grave. She knows it. I swear to you on my mother's grave."

Sandi waved the corporal back and smiled at the beaten youth.. Now we're getting somewhere.

**********

Daria was shoved into the office and stood still as Sandi tossed a folded up set of civilian clothes on the chair in front of her. "The war's over for you, you know?" she said. "I know the name of the graveyard, and you know the name of the grave. You've switched partners. But I won't be greedy. I'll just take half of the money."

"What about Beavis?" Daria asked as she looked over her clothes. She was surprised that Sandi went to the trouble of getting the kind of clothes she liked, along with a poncho. Even her pistols and gunbelt were there for her.

"Oh, like, don't worry about him," Sandi said as she changed into civilian clothes. "He's in real good hands. After all, there's a large reward on his head now, thanks to that game you two played all over Texas."

Daria started to remove the uniform shirt, then stopped. She looked at a smear of blood on the floor and then glanced at Sandi over the tops of her glasses. "You're not going to do the same thing to me?"

Sandi laughed. "Would you talk if I had it done?"

Daria sighed and said, "No."

"That's right, 'Auburn', you wouldn't. It's not because you're any tougher than Beavis. It's just that you're smart enough to know that you'd still die if you told me. Go ahead and get changed. Then you can eat a little and we'll leave."

**********

The train station platform was crowded with Union soldiers, many wounded, others appearing tired and ragged. Beavis stood still, his Confederate uniform a contrast to the others. His right wrist was cuffed and attached by a chain to a cuff on Corporal Sherman's left wrist.

As a train slowed down at the station, a Confederate soldier was chained on the locomotive's cowcatcher. A painted sign that read "Fartknocker" was attached to him. "Be thankful you're not him," Sherman told Beavis. "Just one quick jerk for you and it's all over. Plus there's nobody to shoot the rope for you, this time."

"Hey, corporal!" one man missing his left arm called out. "Where's the Reb headed?"

"To the grave with a rope around his neck and a price on his head," the corporal said and laughed.

Beavis looked at the crippled soldier and said, "Heh, heh, yeah, there's a $3,000 price on my head. I bet they didn't even give you a cent for your arm."

Sherman yanked the youth hard and knocked him down to the platform.

Beavis looked up at the corporal. "I told you before," he said. "I like fat men. They go splat when they fall! And they don't get back up, either."

The corporal yanked him back to his feet and said, "Just shut up."

After a few minutes, the corporal and Beavis joined several others in an open boxcar and settled down for the ride.

**********

More than an hour later, Beavis sat intent as Corporal Sherman snored next to him. All the other soldiers snored as well and the sun had just set. Carefully, he reached for the handcuff key.

Just as his fingers touched the metal ring, the corporal said, "I'll break your fingers if you try."

"I, uh, have to take a whizz, you know?" Beavis said and crossed his legs.

The bulky soldier grunted and sat up. "You stink like a pig already," he said and got to his feet. "Let's not make it worse." He led Beavis to the open boxcar door, then stared at his prisoner.

"I can't do it with you watching me!" Beavis protested. "Turn around." The corporal rolled his eyes and turned slightly. "Close your eyes! I don't trust you. You just want to peek!"

Sherman growled and closed his eyes.

Beavis smiled, quickly knocked the corporal off balance and the two tumbled out of the boxcar. The bulky soldier cried out in shock briefly, but nobody on the train noticed that they were gone.

Corporal Sherman groaned as he laid on the ground.

Beavis grabbed a rock and knocked the soldier unconscious. "Like I said, fat man, you went splat!" He laughed and then realized that the cuff key was missing. Then he grabbed for the man's pistol, but it was also missing.

"Dammit!" he said. "You fartknocker! Where did you put the key?"

For several minutes, Beavis tried to break the chains with a stone. Then he grabbed nearby cactus, then quickly released it and cried out in pain.

For the next half hour, he pulled cactus pricks out of his right hand and muttered to himself.

The sound of a distant train whistle caught his attention and he laughed. He looked at the still unconscious corporal, his eyes widened and he said, "Ah, ha! I have an idea!"

Several minutes later, Beavis laid on the railroad ties between the rails and Corporal Sherman laid on the outside of one rail. The chain that connected the two laid on the rail between them.

The train drew closer and it suddenly dawned on the gunfighter that he should switch positions with the corporal. He looked up at the locomotive as it bore down on him. "Oh, crap!"

The chain was quickly snapped and in panic, Beavis grabbed the underside of a flatbed car and held himself up a mere foot above the gravel and wooden ties. His terror-filled screams were lost to the noise of the train as it sped on down the tracks.

**********

Daria laid in on the blanket and listened to the night sounds around her. Sandi slept in a small tent set back from the campfire, an idea which nearly made the auburn-haired girl laugh. Dainty little flower girl, she thought with contempt. Of course, Quinn would be the same way - or worse.

Suddenly the animals around the campsite went silent and she tensed. Somebody's out there, she thought as she drew her pistol from her nearby holster. More than one, from the sounds of them.

A darkened form appeared from behind a bush and Daria quickly cocked the pistol, raised it and fired at it. A man cried out and fell to the ground as Sandi came out of the tent, her pistol in her right hand.

"Stop," she yelled at Daria. "I'm expecting my entourage! That's probably them!"

"What?" Daria asked as she stood up. "You said nothing about an 'entourage'."

"Like, just because you don't care if you're unfashionable doesn't mean that I should do without the basic necessities of life." Sandi looked out into the darkened trees and called out, "Come on up here, boys! It's safe now!"

Six men came up to the campfire; all of them carried a heavy pack on their backs, and suitcases in their hands. One of the men looked at Sandi, nodded towards Daria and said, "She killed Sam."

Sandi glared at Daria and said, "Like, you killed my manicurist!"

Daria replaced the spent shell in her pistol and gave the other girl a small smile. "He shouldn't have been sneaking up on the camp like he did," she said. "None of them should have. My trigger finger gets kind of nervous when people do that."

"What am I going to do about my nails?" Sandi asked. "I'll have to wait until we get to a town to wire for Sam's replacement!"

Daria shrugged as if she didn't care and picked up her gear. "That's not my worry."

"If it wasn't for our...goal..." Sandi said as she fumed at the other girl. Then she said to the men, "Get your horses! We leave here in five minutes!"

**********

The town once held more than one hundred people. Now with a battle between Union and Confederate forces getting closer and closer, the only people in it were columns of Union soldiers marching to the front lines and drifters leaving in the opposite direction.

One of the people who moved in the opposite direction was Beavis, who shook as he walked and his eyes stayed wide open. The sound of a train whistle in the distance made him jump and shiver. "No! No!" he yelled. "Not the trains! Ahhhhh!" He ran down the street in a panic.

As he passed a still open bar, he ran by a man who was missing his right arm. The man's eyes were shielded by his hat, which also covered his short-cut blond hair. A ragged mustache decorated his upper lip and his face was covered with acne. His left sleeve was torn off at the shoulder and his blue jeans were very worn and dusty. The man looked at Beavis with some interest as he recognized the young gunfighter. He followed along at a slow pace. As he walked, he pulled his pistol out of its holster with his left hand.

Beavis stopped as he passed a damaged building that held a hotel and barber shop. He walked inside the opened door and moved up to the front desk. "Hey!" he yelled. "Anyone here?" He slapped his hand on the desk bell, but it was broke and didn't work.

**********

Daria, Sandi and the six men of the latter's entourage reached the same town from the opposite side. As they rode just in the town limits, a Confederate soldier was made to carry an empty casket up to the yard of some abandoned business. He set the casket down, was forced to stand against a tree in the yard and hold up a sign that read "DILLHOLE". A line of Union soldiers waited in a half-circle nearly ten feet away from him. An officer moved nearby, lifted up a sword and yelled, "Ready...Aim...Fire!"

The soldiers aimed and fired their rifles in unison and the Rebel soldier fell dead. Two other soldiers moved up, picked up the dead man and placed him in the casket.

The eight rode by the execution scene without comment and stopped at a badly damaged house. They dismounted and tied up their horses, then moved inside what once was a bedroom. Sandi laid down on the bed and said, "Like, while I lay down, take care of my clothes, wash and style my hair and give me a massage."

Sandi's entourage leaped into action immediately, as Daria stepped just outside the house. She found a turned over chair, righted it and sat down in the shade. As she looked at the soldiers move through the town, a kitten moved up to her right leg. She gently picked up the small animal and said, "You're much more interesting company than they are."

The kitten mewed and snuggled up to Daria as the girl moved it to her chest.

**********

Beavis found a large bronze bathtub on the second floor of the building. He stepped just inside the batwing doors and saw that it was filled with still warm water. With a gleeful laugh, the gunfighter, grabbed a box of soap powder and emptied it into the water, then used one hand to create a thick lather. Then he found a box of rubber duckies and poured them into the water.

"Heh, heh, heh. Duckies are cool! Heh, heh."

He looked at himself in a broken mirror on the wall and admired his image. Then he undressed for his bath.

**********

The one-armed man moved carefully into the hotel/barber shop and listened. He heard movement and laughter on the second floor. "I'm gonna kick your ass," he whispered. "Then I'm gonna shoot you!" He moved up the stairway slowly.

**********

Beavis sat in the tub, surrounded by soap suds and floating duckies. He laughed as the ducks bobbed in the water and occasionally moved one or two around with his left hand.

Suddenly the batwing doors opened and the one armed man stood there, his pistol aimed at the young gunfighter.

"Hey, you little girl," he said, his voice a menacing whine. "You shot me and I lost my arm. Not only that, but you got blood on my new blue jeans. I'm gonna kick your ass, then shoot you. I've had a lot of time to practice shooting with my left hand and now I'm just gonna..."

A pistol suddenly fired from the thick layer of suds and the one-armed man fell back through the batwing doors. He groaned as he fell against a wall and tried to right himself up.

Beavis stood up and aimed his soap suds-covered weapon at the man. He fired three more times and the one-armed man fell to the floor dead. "Heh, heh! Fartknocker! While you talked, I shot your ass! Heh, heh, heh."

**********

Outside the damaged house, Daria listened to the sound of the battle as it moved slowly closer to the town. She heard the pistol shots from the downtown area and a small smile crossed her face. She petted the kitten nestled in her left arm and said, "Every pistol makes it own sound. Especially one that belongs to a jackass." She got to her feet, stretched and set the kitten down on the ground. As the animal moved under the porch, Daria walked to the street and moved slowly downtown.

Sandi laid face down on the bed as one of the men rubbed on her bared back. She watched Daria walk off and said, "Carl, follow her."

One man looked up from the clothes he had just ironed, nodded and moved to follow Daria.

Carl followed Daria down the street slowly and kept about 50 yards behind her. He tried to be quiet, and the growing sounds of the artillery only helped him there. She turned right and disappeared behind a building and he rushed to catch up.

When he reached the corner, Daria quickly grabbed him and threw him to the ground in front of her. She wagged her left index finger in a gesture of disapproval, then drew her pistol with her right hand, cocked it and fired.

Sandi's henchman collapsed dead in the dirt and Daria continued on her walk.

**********

After he threw the one-armed gunman's body outside the room, Beavis settled back into the bathtub and washed out his ears, then his teeth. As the rubber ducks floated across the water, he laughed and splashed the water.

**********

Daria found the building and listened to the splashing sounds on the second floor. She quietly walked up the staircase and stopped as she came upon the dead gunman. "How about that?" she asked herself quietly and smiled. "Todd Ianuzzi. First time you ever stayed dead." She stepped around the body, then looked back at it. "You look a lot better dead."

Then she moved on and listened to the sounds from the bathtub.

**********

Beavis jumped when someone in the hallway hit the locked door hard. "Heh, hang on a minute, dammit!" he yelled. Quickly, he grabbed his pistol and stood up in the tub.

The door was hit several more times.

"Hold your horses!" he yelled, then laughed. "Heh, heh, I said 'hold your horses.' Heh, heh." He moved out of the tub, then stepped past the batwing doors.

A pistol was cocked to his left and he turned to find Daria there in front of him, her weapon aimed at his chest.

She grimaced and looked up slightly. "Get your clothes on, Beavis. I don't want to see that. Not now, not ever."

"Auburn!" he said and grabbed a towel. He smiled as he dried himself off. "You got away from that hellhole prison camp? How?"

"I'm with your old friend Angel-lips."

"You traitor!" Beavis said quickly and turned to her as he dropped the towel. "You talked!"

"Put your pants on, dammit!" she said. "And, no, I didn't talk. If I had, she would have killed me, you moron."

Beavis picked up the towel again, dried off his legs and then put on his pants. "Heh, heh, that's cool. So you are the only who knows your part of the secret, huh?"

"Yeah, I am."

"And you came to find Beavis." He smiled. "I'm glad. We're partners again, just the way it should be." He then motioned to the batwing doors. "Heh, we could, uh...take a quick bath...together, heh, heh, before we leave."

She lifted her pistol and said, "In your dreams...and in my nightmares."

Beavis held up his hands and laughed. "Only a suggestion, Auburn. Only a suggestion. Let me get the rest of my stuff together and we'll go find Angel-lips." He grabbed his shirt and put it on.

Daria smirked at him, holstered her weapon and looked at the items on a nearby wall. "I forgot to mention...she's not alone."

He looked at her quickly. "How many?"

"Five."

"So that's why you came for Beavis. Too many people for you to take on. It doesn't matter. I'll kill them all." He rushed for the door, then turned back to Daria. "Oh, Angel-lips is mine, Auburn. I owe her for what she had done to me."

"No problem, Beavis. I was going to suggest that anyway." Her smile widened. "She needs your special attentions."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah," Daria said and held in her laughter. "I heard her say that you were...hot."

"That's right!" he said. "All the girls want Beavis."

She rolled her eyes. "You'd better go after her, then, Beavis."

He nodded, then left the room.

**********

At the damaged house, Carl's body was laid at Sandi's feet and one of the men said, "She got him at close range."

"Great!" she said and stamped her right foot on the floor. "Now who's going to iron my clothes? Like, I should have had Corporal Sherman beat her secret out of her instead of Beavis. I would have handled that jackass like a lovesick puppy dog."

"Speaking of the devil..." one of her men said and motioned outside and down the street. "Look who's here."

Sandi and her men looked and saw Beavis as he slowly walked towards their location.

"Like, the auburn-haired one will be along, too. I want her alive." Sandi frowned at Beavis. "As for Beavis - kill him - with as many bullets as you can."

**********

Beavis walked down the street quietly and watched all sides as he moved. He saw someone to his left, drew his pistol and turned quickly.

Daria stood against a porch post and smiled at him. "You want to die alone, Beavis?" she asked. "Let's do this together."

"That's right," he said. "We're partners."

They walked down the street, Beavis on one side and Daria on the other. As they passed a saloon, two of Sandi's men stepped out behind them.

Outside of town a cannon fired and the shell roared as it rose in the air.

The two men aimed their pistols at the two partners. Then the shell whistled as it fell. The whistling sound increased and the men glanced at one another, then dove to the ground.

The shell landed on the street behind Daria and Beavis and in front of the two henchmen. Instantly, a cloud of dirt and debris filled the air and the men waited for things to settle down.

When the dust cleared, the men stood up and looked ahead. Beavis and Daria were nowhere to be seen.

They heard a low whistle and turned to see Daria behind a picket fence. She shot one of the men and he fell.

As the second man raised his pistol towards her, Beavis yelled, "Hey!" from his right and he turned.

The teen gunman quickly shot him and he fell to join his friend. Beavis looked at Daria and they nodded at each other, then continued forward.

A man at the top of an outdoor stairway aimed a rifle and fired at Beavis.

The bullet barely missed the teen's head and hit the ground near his feet. But the blond-haired youth quickly turned and returned fire. He hit his would-be assassin and the man fell dead to the ground.

The other two men waited in the center of the street, their hands over their pistols. Beavis and Daria glanced at each other, nodded, then drew and fired quickly. The two men fell.

The duo reached the house within several seconds and Beavis rushed in the open bedroom. He saw someone in bed, lifted his pistol and quickly pulled the covers off.

Carl's dead body had been under the blanket. A small note, on perfumed, lavender-colored paper pinned on the body waited for them.

Beavis picked up the note, looked at it in confusion and read, "'Like, I'll see you soon, you idi...idi...idi...'"

Daria grabbed the note from his hand, read it and said, "'Idiot'. It's for you."

"Oh, O.K." he said and walked towards the hole in the wall, then stopped. He ran back, grabbed the note from Daria's hand and ripped it into shreds.

(To be continued...)

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Author's Notes: This section comprises chapters nine through twelve of The Cynic, The Fashionista and The Jackass, as it was originally posted on the various message boards.

From the PPMB, thanks go out to LSauchelli, NightGoblyn, KatrinaMedina and Decelaraptor for their comments. Thanks also to Robin Sena for her comments on the Icarus board.