Written by Warpedkjh13
NOTE: This is not a part in my Lawndale Fair Series. I don't have a one track mind. Plus there are so many great fan-fics untreated in this series.

TOM: Hello and welcome to Behind The Glasses 2001 and yet another fan fic author has stepped into the series. Tonight we're going to be looking at Ambushed by Yui Daoren, Bad Movie Night by Essenare, Death Of The Misery Chick, Next On Sick Sad World by Brian Taylor, Heroes... by Lew Richardson, and a more in-depth look at Quinn Started It by Heather Murphy. But first, the bastion of quality entertainment... commercials.

(Cut to commercials. Fade into a normal Daria opening screen.)


JANE: I was confused by this fan fiction.

DARIA: It was pretty unlikely, us being fighter pilots.

JANE: I did like the part when I got blown up.

DARIA: Kablam!

DAOREN: As I had said, it was a very short fanfic. But I was just being silly.

JANE: I couldn't see Daria playing video games.

DARIA: Though I am pretty good.

TOM (V.O.): Here's a scene from Ambushed.

Jane was working on getting a missile lock on the third Thunderbolt. Daria glanced at her targeting computer again, trying to locate the fourth starfighter as she fired her own lasers to herd the Thunderbolt into Jane's sights.
Jane's fighter was cut in two, and her reactor cracked, filling the sky with light and shaking her fighter.
"Jane! No!" Daria yelled.
Gritting her teeth in anger, Daria rolled in behind the Thunderbolt Jane had been working on. Ignoring her computer as it complained about her weapons overheating, she ripped it in two with her lasers.
She searched for the fourth fighter again, knowing he or she was responsible for Jane. Her threat warning blared in her ear again.
Daria flipped the switch from "Simple" to "Direct Control" so she could fly her craft like a real starfighter rather than let her computer simulate atmospheric flight. She fired her forward thrusters, slamming herself into her restraints and slowing violently. She throttled her port thrusters once to change her ship's attitude but not it's direction. Flying sideways, she had the Thunderbolt in sight.
The moment her lock tone sounded, she fired.
Daria was amazed an impressed when the fighter managed to jink out of harms way. For the next few minutes the two fighters danced around each other, both pilots proving their expertise at handling starfighters.
Both scored minor hits on the other several times. Daria was irritated when her missile bays failed to open when another shot opportunity arose.
"Bingo" her computer said.
"Damn it." Daria complained. Time was running out.
Daria pulled her trigger again and managed to shear one of her opponent's lasers off of his craft. It cost her hers, the heat taking its toll. Frustrated, she powered her rear thrusters to overload and rammed her opponent. Both fighters' reactors cracked, and the sky was again bright with thermonuclear light.

DARIA: And again, our hero triumphs over powerful enemies. Except I'm not used to fighting starfighters. I'm usually busy battling the Fashion Club and their idiot trailers.

JANE: A.K.A Joey Jeffy and Jamie.

TOM (V.O.): Ambushed was the product of thirty minute creativity and endless video games. And next, Bad Movie Night, but first, some more commercials.

(Cut to commercials.)

TOM (V.O.): We're back. And now... Bad Movie Night, in which Jane and Trent find out why Daria hates a remake version of Annie.


ESSENARE: As this was my first fic, I thought it wasn't all that good. But then, it was a lot of fun as would say a lot of fanfic authors.

DARIA: Yes, Annie. Remind me to kill Essenare in the next fanfic that they release.

ESSENARE: I like the idea of having Daria sing, dance and embarrass herself. It's all fun.

TOM (V.O.): What other fanfic authors thought of this fanfic. Here's up and coming fanfic author Warpedkjh13, who wrote that in for a shameless self-plug.

WARPEDKJH: Thank you Tom. I thought that Bad Movie Night was one of the funniest fanfics I had read for a long time. I don't know why some authors put sad story lines into stories based on a comedy. Weird. It didn't make much sense, but it was hilarious.

TOM: Thank you, Warpedkjh13. And now, a clip from Bad Movie Night.

JANE: So what kind of movie are we getting?

DARIA: Something about someone insane, maybe I can learn a few tricks to use on you.

JANE: Um... we'll see... Hey, how about the musical Annie? We NEVER get that one and you know it sucks!!


JANE: You always say that, Daria, why not?

DARIA: I don't like watching little girls running around singing and dancing. I'll get nightmares.

JANE: But its bad movie night, it fits to the T, it's even a low budget film... so all the actors will really suck bad...

DARIA: No Annie.

TRENT: Here we are.

All three get out and look around in the movie store. They walk past Annie, Jane stops and looks at it.

DARIA: No, Jane... put it down.

JANE: But I want to see it.

DARIA: Its a 6 year old sucks, its just like all the other Annie movies out there. Put it down, girl.

TRENT: You can get it another time, Jane.

JANE: Fine... How about this movie?

Jane picks up a movie called "Kissed".

JANE: It's about a death obsessed girl, I heard she rubs dead mice all over herself.

DARIA: I guess that will do just fine.

TOM (V.O.): And now, some scenes from the blooper reels.

JANE: So, what kind of movie are we get- whoops!

Jane knocks a stack of videos off the shelves.

ESSENARE (O.C.): Cut! Jane, control yourself. Okay, Take 6. Action.

JANE: So, what kind of movie are we getting?

DARIA: Something about someone insane... (smart voice) I'm sorry, love. I just can't do this line.


TOM (V.O.): Here's one from the scene where Daria answers the phone.

DARIA: Hello. You've reached the palace of good and evil. If you want to speak to Pretty In Pink, then I have a list of excuses she has given me as to the reason why she cannot come to the phone. If you're Tom, James, Dan or Ricardo Montalban-

ESSENARE: Cut, Daria! Sheesh! What's with the improvisations?

DARIA: I forgot my lines...

ESSENARE: Your line is: If you're Tom, James, Dan or even another evil Fashion Freak, I guess I'll just have to tell you the truth. (Overspoken by Daria) Pretty in Pink is popping pimples.

DARIA (Over Essenare): Essenare is popping pimples.

ESSENARE: That's it! Bring in Lynn. Daria, go and powder your nose. Take 4, bring in Lynn... and action!

LYNN: If you're Tom, James, Dan or even another evil Fashion Freak, I guess I'll just have to tell you the truth. Pretty in Pink is popping pimples.


ESSENARE: Perfect! That's a wrap!

LYNN: Phew. If you want me, I'll be in my trailer.

TOM (V.O.): And now some more commercials, but when we return, Death Of The Misery Chick, Next On Sick, Sad World.

(Cut to commercials. Return to Tom in the studio.)

TOM: Most fanfic authors got along pretty well with Daria on the set. But one author that didn't was Brian Taylor, author of Death Of The Misery Chick, Next On Sick, Sad World.


DARIA: Brian and I didn't get along so well on the set. That's why he decided to kill me off. Me, of all characters! Quinn's usually in line before me. Anyway, I quit from the fanfic half way through, and so did most of the other characters, so that's why they have actors.

TOM (V.O.): Some behind the scenes footage taken while the cast were still filming.

DARIA: Julia? Well, she and I don't see eye to eye on everything, but she's a great actress, and brings a lot of depth to the role of Quinn. I honestly can't see us doing the show with anyone else.

BRIAN: Good, but with more feeling, Daria! I want to see you express yourself more!

DARIA: I'm expressing myself as much as I f**king well can! There! You've gone and made me swear! Are you happy?

BRIAN: Actually, I am. We'll use it.


(Daria chases after Brian and knocks down the camera.)

TOM (V.O.): And after she caught him, she formally announced that she quit and walked off the stage quietly.

(Through the camera, we see Daria walking off, kicking things out of her way.)

DARIA: I quit. So that was when they brought Lynn in, as they always do when I make a mistake. After that, Jane quit, so they brought in that, uh... what's her name... Tori Walker.

JANE: It was like a chain reaction when Daria left the set. They replaced us all. First it was Daria, then me, then Quinn, Trent, Jake, Helen and last, Tom. It was pretty hard those last few weeks, that's what I heard. Fortunately for her, Daria filmed half of her scenes. Lynn did pretty well. Tori Walker was a good replacement, but I don't think she looks a lot like me.

BRIAN: It was a really hard fanfic, but we got it up on the Net. Yeah. It was harder than that Behind The Looking Glasses.

QUINN: I don't think any of us got along very well with Brian. Mom hated what he was doing to Daria. He was turning her... sort of... not very nice.

HELEN: I quit, because Brian turned Daria into an ogre. She was not nice to be around. Plus, Daria probably would have quit anyway. She hates drugs and there were quite a few scenes where she was using them.

LYNN: We got a stand in for the drug scenes. I didn't want to do them either. I don't know who they brought in for those.

TOM: Daria wasn't very pleasant to be around during those last few weeks of shooting. She hated me because I was the only one still in it, so I quit. They replaced me with the awful actor Marvin Drake.

MARVIN: There was a lot of tension around the set on the last day of filming. Lynn was thinking of diving out. So, everyone was relieved by the time it was finished.

TOM (V.O.): Here's the climactic scenes, filmed with just a strand of hope... and a really big camera.

Daria Morgendorffer was laid to rest on March 13, 2001, in the graveyard of Our Lady of Perpetual Mercy, in northern Los Angeles.
(Voice Over)
It was a lovely ceremony. Just the way she would have wanted it to be. The sun shining, the birds singing, and not a cloud in the sky.
(Voice Over)
There are days, still, where I think I'll wake up and find out that it was all some bad dream. That Daria's not really dead, and that things are still going the way they were in the halcyon days. It's just so hard to believe that she's gone.
(Voice Over)
Without Daria around, there's this empty feeling in the pit of your stomach. She was the sort of girl who could light up your entire day just by being there, by saying a few words or smiling at you.
(Voice Over)
There was something magic about her, even when she was at her worst. The world is that much poorer for having lost her.
(Voice Over)
I never liked her much, but I do miss her.
(Voice Over)
She was good. What else can you say but that? Despite all that she'd done, she was still good. Underneath it all, she had an underlying decency of nature that most people could never even hope to have.
(Voice Over)
Losing Daria was like losing my daughter. It's the sort of thing I'll never be able to really get over.
On the tape, Daria laughs while facing the camera.
Daria Morgendorffer left behind adoring fans, grieving friends, and a legacy of unanswered questions regarding her death. The events of that March night may never really be known, but the debates regarding her death will rage on. I'm Robin Kylie for Sick Sad World. Good night.

LYNN: In the end, Death Of The Misery Chick was a very sad story. I hope Daria and Brian mend their differences so I don't have to do all that painstaking work. I'm just glad it's over.

TOM (V.O.): When we return, Heroes by Lew Richardson.

(Cut to commercials.)


LEW: Heroes was a heart wrenching work in which Daria is endlessly picked on by Sandi, and her life turns into a living hell.

DARIA: I enjoyed this. It was a lot of fun to see the end product. Sad story though. Very sad.

TOM: Here is a behind the scenes look at what Sandi Griffin, who isn't available to comment, thought of her role.

SANDI: Look, Richardson. Either you make Quinn do all those terrible things or I'm quitting.

LEW: You can't quit. You're the evil person for once.

SANDI: Well, alright, but only because I want to try something new.

DARIA: I am the Lizard Queen!

LEW: Daria, that's Monique's line.

DARIA: I know, but it sounded better from my mouth.

LEW: (sigh)

SANDI: Like, I'm filming here, Daria.

DARIA: No, you're arguing. (she turns the camera to focus on her) I'm filming!

LEW: We had some guest authors on the set to see what was going on.

DIANE LONG: I see everything is in order.

DARIA: Hi Diane.

DIANE: Hi Daria. How's Trent?

DARIA: Oh, wouldn't you like to know?

DIANE: Mmhmm. Anyway, Lew Richardson. I read the current draft of Heroes. It's good. I'd like to be a part of it somehow.

LEW: I'm sorry, Diane, we're three and a half quarters through it already. We don't need anyone.

DIANE: Alright then.

(She walks out.)

DARIA: Yeah, see you.

LEW: That was strange.


DARIA: And it only gets stranger.

DARIA: Oh, how fun this whole thing was. I think the only person who didn't enjoy it all was Sandi.

STACY: Sandi's always been a party pooper.

TOM: I was glad that it didn't pair Daria and Trent up. And now, more commercials! Send all complaints to MTV.

(Cut to commercials.)

TOM: Welcome back to Behind The Glasses 2001, the fourth, and hopefully the last, Daria fanfic special. And now a look at Heroes by Lew Richardson.

(Open scene with the familiar corridors of Lawndale High, Jane and Daria walking to their lockers. Music: "Don't Wanna Be Left Out" - Powderfinger. As they approach, it becomes immediately obvious that something has been done to Daria's locker. When they reach it, they just stand and stare at it a little.)
Daria: Hmm... (Stands and thinks.)
Jane: (Same voice as the Cat off "Red Dwarf".) What is it?
(The camera POV moves so that the locker is readily visible. The door cracks seems to be filled with something so that the locker is sealed shut. There is a lot of plasma-yellow gunk on the locker, and on the floor underneath it.)
Daria: I assume it is some sort of adhesive, most likely epoxy resin.
Jane: (Arch.) Fascinating Batman, but how are you going to open your locker?
Daria: Hmm. (Looks over to Jane.) Still got that blowtorch?
Jane: (Digs it out.) Everywhere I go! (It's one of those that run off a Butane cylinder.)
Daria: May I borrow it?
Jane: Sure. (Whips out another. Happy Jane.) Can I help?
Daria: (Looking at her, then at the torches.) I won't even ask. You take the right-hand side. (They ignite the torches and start to roast the epoxy.)
Jane: (Louder, over the roar of the burners.) So, why are we doing this again?
Daria: The epoxy needs to cook before I can smash it off. (Beat.) I'm assuming that you still carry around that mallet?
Jane: (Bends over, torch still active, to recover a large wooden mallet from her "art-supplies" bag.) Here!
Mr O'Neill: (O/S) Ah, Daria, Jane?
Jane: (Looking at the locker, loudly to Daria.) Hey Daria, did you just hear Mr O'Neill?
Daria: (Looking behind her. Loud to Jane.) Probably, he's right behind us. (Turns back to the torch.)
Jane: (Loud to Daria.) Good, I hoped it wasn't the plastic fumes getting to me. (To Principal Timothy O'Neill, still not stopping.) Hey Tim!
Daria: (Not stopping either.) Hey Mr O'Neill. Can we help you?
Mr O'Neill: Ah, yes. (Louder, to carry over the noise.) What exactly are you doing?
Jane: (Loud and still torching.) Someone glued Daria's locker shut with epoxy. We're gonna get it open.
Mr O'Neill: (Instant soppiness.) Oh dear, couldn't Pavlov get it open? He is the school custodian.
(A large bearded man walks into the shot, pushing a floor polisher. It is the elusive Pavlov, school custodial and mentioned only in "Quinn the Brain", a shameful waste of a character! He casts a professional eye over the tableau before him and taps Jane on the shoulder.)
Mr O'Neill: (Surprised by Pavlov's appearance.) Eep!
Pavlov: (Thick Russian accent, deep rumbling voice.) So, is epoxy resin, rrright?
Jane: (Still baking the door. It's starting to look a pretty cooked.) Da.
Pavlov: (In Russian, English subtitles beneath the shot.) You two look like you know what you're doing. (Strokes beard, thinking.) I'll drag away "Mr Sensitive" before he has a fit, how about that?

TOM: Hilarious. And now: Quinn Started It by Heather Murphy.


TRENT: This fanfic is the most devilish. But how come me and Daria always have to be teamed up?

QUINN: Ugh! All that BLOOD! I can't believe that she put me down as falling in love with Trent. I mean, I have tastes!

DARIA (O.C.): Hey!

TOM (V.O.): And now, Kevin and Brittany's death scene.

That night. At Brittany's house. Kevin and Brittany are lying on the bed, making out. Kevin is sans shoulderpads. Things are going pretty far.
Brittany (panting heavily): Oh Kevie, do you think we should stop? It's getting kinda late.
Kevin: That's never stopped us before.
Brittany: But Kevie, we need protection.
Kevin: Sure thing babe. I'll just go get them.
(He leaves.)
Brittany: Them?
Cut to Kevin fumbling around downstairs in semi-darkness
Kevin: Now where did I put those shoulder pads? I took them off somewhere around here . . .
Daria (off-screen voice over): Looking for these?
Cut to Kevin's POV. Daria is looming over him, the light from the window behind giving her an eerie glow. She is holding his shoulder pads. Cut to Brittany's room. She is humming "2 Become 1" by the Spice Girls as she files her nails. Suddenly, a gloved hand grabs her head and pulls it back, while the other pours nail-polish remover down her throat. Brittany gags and convulses until she falls limp in her murderer's arms. Pan back to Upchuck grinning gleefully.
Upchuck (softly): Kevie's all mine.
Cut back to downstairs. Daria's POV.
Kevin: Yeah, thanks Daria.
(The pads come crashing down on his head, knocking him out. She clobbers him a few more times, to really kill him. Cut to Daria's face. She is smiling.)
Daria: My pleasure.

DARIA: I liked killing Kevin, but I wish I could have done to him what happened to Drew Barrymore in Scream. That would be fun.

KEVIN: It was fun getting clobbered.

BRITTANY: That nail polish that Upchuck poured down my throat was actually bubble gum flavoured milk. Yum!

UPCHUCK: Daria had to want me. She was oozing all over me.

DARIA: Fortunately I never introduced Upchuck to Lynn. Heh heh.

TOM (V.O.): Here's a behind the scenes look at Daria's death scene.

Daria: Oh, Trent...
Trent: I killed for you, Daria.
She runs forward. They collapse into each other's arms and lean in for a kiss.
Daria: I'm so happy!
Quinn (off-screen voice over): Not for long.
Daria and Trent's POV. Quinn is holding a shotgun to Daria's chest.
Quinn: Mo-om! Daria stole the man I love again! (She pulls the trigger, Daria is shot down.)
Trent leans over Daria.
Trent: My God hath forsaken me!
He picks her up in her arms, dying.
Daria: Do me a favor, Trent.
Trent (close to tears): Yes, Daria. Anything.
Daria: Move to one side.
Trent: Okay...
Trent moves aside and Daria shoots Quinn. Trent grabs the axe and chops her into three pieces.
Trent: Daria! Speak to me!
Daria reaches from under her jacket and gets a bullet proof vest with a bullet stuck in the middle.
Trent: But Daria, I saw you bleed!
Daria takes a thing from her pocket and presses a button. Small blood squirts appear on her jacket when she presses the button.
Daria: I knew that Quinn was after me. Now, Trent, over here.
Trent: Sure.
Daria and Trent kiss. Joey, Jeffy and Jamie come along and see Quinn's corpse. Joey grabs the axe and Jeffy holds Daria down as Joey chops her up. Jamie meanwhile, picks up Quinn's gun and shoots Trent between the eyes. Once they are finished, they each walk off sadly with a piece of Quinn in their arms. Daria and Trent's corpses are holding hands.
Heather: And cut. Wow, that was amazing.
Daria (from behind a tree): Thanks. (holds up a script) See guys, I told you she'd like it. So what ending are you going to use?
Heather: I'll, uh... I'll get back to you.

TOM: It was improvisations like that that made the making of it so fun. Unfortunately, we have run out of time. Thank you for joining me on the Behind The Glasses 2001 tour. I don't know whether there will be another one, but if there is, it'll be read by the author of this one, who is definitely never doing another Behind The Glasses again!

WARPEDKJH: Don't bet on it.

TOM: I will see you again, in future fanfictions.

WARPEDKJH: Thank you for reading!

(Roll credits, featuring scenes from all of the Behind The Glasses blooper reels.)


HOSTED BY Tom Sloane

WRITTEN BY Warpedkjh13

Daria Morgendorffer
Jane Lane
Quinn Morgendorffer
Trent Lane

Brittany Taylor
Kevin Thompson
Charles Ruttheimer III
Stacy Rowe
Tiffany Blum-Deckler

Yui Daoren
Brian Taylor
Lew Richardson
Heather Murphy

Timothy O'Neill
Diane Long
Sandi Griffin

WARPEDKJH: Apologies to the authors featured here-in. I know I didn't contact you to find out some REAL information about your fanfics, and I'm sorry, but I'm the new kid on the block. I'm also sorry if any of you were offended, I didn't mean it, it was... um... all Daria's fault! Yeah!

DARIA: This isn't about me.
2001 Written by Warpedkjh13
Lots of thanks to John Berry! Couldn't have done it without you, pal!